Not in a good space

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

It's like a feeling just bubbling up to the surface. It's panicky and disgusting and I dont' know what to do with it. There's no thoughts associated with it. It's a feeling. A really gross one. I called the Suicide Call Back service. I didn't find them helpful. What do you do? What helps you?

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Paul you never ramble lol. You're such a positive uplifting force on the forums. I hope your sister is able to get some help, though, yes, the first step is acknowledgement.

I'm in a rough patch on my journey and there is comfort in knowing that you understand. For now, I just need to sit with it.

Thanks for being here, Katy

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Deb, thanks for saying so, and right back at you xx

Katy

[iamanxiety]

Hi Katy,

I have seen you have been busy on the forum, it's good to see you sharing with others.

is there any improvement on your end,I'm hoping it's a yes but here to listen either way.

Andrew

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Dunno if anyone is listening but need to share as I have no-one to talk to IRL. So... my partner came back. Said he wanted to treat me nicely. Said let's try for another baby. Said he wanted us to grow old together. That really didn't last very long, and he broke up with me again. Stating again, it was my anxiety. But this time also making me feel bad that he'd given up his other relationship to get back with me. I shouldn't have taken him back, no, but I did, and it hurts. Hurts that he said things he didn't mean. Hurts that he has feelings for someone else. Hurts that he didn't try harder, and again, made me feel less than, because I have a mental illness. It's like he thinks I've chosen this. I don't know why anyone would. I feel sad, useless and dumb 😞

[iamanxiety]

Hi Katy,

I was just thinking about you actually. it sounds like you have just gone through an emotional roller coaster. I can imagine how tough it all must feel like going through this again.

I have a feeling your ex has his own issues. he left the relationship and now came back. he must be conflicted with his original decision. he has some feeling for someone else but still feelings for you.

have you made any decisions about your relationship with him. if you decided you are done with him you could concentrate all your effort in yourself and beginning to heal.

I can only imagine this recent even has sent you backwards mentally.

wishing all the best

Andrew

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi Andrew

Yeah, I thought I was done. I'd just started to feel better and along he came and rained on my parade. Although, obviously I have to accept responsibility for my part in that. Given that the final words he wanted to share with me, were his regrets about giving up his other relationship, I am fully done now. What a shitty thing to say, in my opinion.

Yes, back to working on me and my journey to wellness. Speaking of... you've been missed around here. How are things with you?

Katy

[iamanxiety]

Hi Katy,

that's a good thing to hear you have made a decision about the relationship. indisnisivness would have made all this much harder in my opinion, now you can focus on you and have a clear goal.

I've been through a roller coaster myself. my MI just keeps evolving from severe anxiety to not caring. I must admit I am not at the point I was a few months ago where I was thinking about ending it all.

it's funny but I like seeing you on the forum, it feels like jumping into an old friend. pity it is under these circumstances.

keep us posted on your journey.

Andrew

[blondguy]

Hi Katy

Im sorry for you have been going through....as if you would 'choose' to have this awful condition....grr

iamanxiety is spot on he mentioned 'I have a feeling your ex has his own issues' From what you have posted Andrew is spot on. I dont blame you for being human and feeling sad. I remembered when you started to post with us...There is nothing dumb or useless about you at all Katy. You are a strong and independent person!

I posted a reply to you on the other thread about GP assistance on the 11th re physical symptoms of anxiety

my kind thoughts always Katy

Paul

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi Paul

Thanks so much for your support here and your kind words. It is very much appreciated. And thanks also for highlighting your reply on the other thread which I'd missed.

Katy

[smallwolf]

Sad to read about what your partner said to you.

We know you did not choose a mental illness - like we wanted to happen! *sarcasm*

I do not think any of it was your fault either. It was his actions and decisions - breaking up with his other partner, then asking you. You had no part in making him do those things. I also know that words hurt!

I could tell you a story about what my psychiatrist told me once but might leave that for another time.

Until then, sleep well and I will try to chat with you tomorrow.

Tim