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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Spice-of-Life Narcissistic abuse survivors?
  • replies: 4

Hi All- any survivors of NPD abuse? I am an empath and realised I became a people pleaser from childhood where I experienced terrible abuse. I married, husband later diagnosed with Autism but narcissistic traits which were the issue followed by DV. W... View more

Hi All- any survivors of NPD abuse? I am an empath and realised I became a people pleaser from childhood where I experienced terrible abuse. I married, husband later diagnosed with Autism but narcissistic traits which were the issue followed by DV. When child safety became involved it woke me up to leaving before kids experienced it too. (Which sadly happened later on access visits) Then I went through intensive counselling for years only to finally end up engaged to a man I later figure out has NPD and there was financial and emotional abuse (gaslighting/DARVO etc) The act had me fooled, but the lies all came undone and I saw 2 people: the one I loved. Then the cold, calculating one who seemed to enjoy deceiving and using others as it was a fun game. Of course the later was the real him and it rocked my world as I’m kind and believe the best of people. Probably because I know what it feels like to struggle. Now I have this intense anger at all the behaviour from childhood to now. Then I feel numb as my whole blueprint for life has been BS- I’m not responsible, it’s not me, they were projecting their own crap onto me and dodging responsibility. I finally see it. I erroneously believed in mutual respect, honesty and good intentions of others. But that has been weaponised and used against me.. I don’t know how to ever trust again and have lost my faith especially in men which is unfair. I’ve been through a lot- but the last guy took the cake. I’m so so thankful to be free as it was sociopath level scary when all the evidence came to light and the switch flipped. I’ve since learned some can be Machiavellian where they are very skilled at manipulating and lack empathy or remorse which matched this person.. 🥹 But I only know of the NPD as he disclosed a org psych diagnosed it after working with him then he disengaged. Moral of the story fooled me and got me good. I am grieving that I haven’t had a safe relationship and likely won’t and I quit now as I’m not going to survive any more rounds. I do lots of self care, get to church, work, care for kids- actually teens now (now 100% care) trying to make friends post discard ( met some nice people). But I just feel numb- exhausted, ruminate then yo-yo with anger and depression. I feel like a zombie. I don’t talk about it except with therapists as I want to be free of it and not sow seeds of despair. Plus I don’t repeat stuff unless it stays confidential/de-identified.. Is anyone else going through this? Recovered? What helps? Thx in advance ☺️

Earth Girl Realizing you're not a good person is difficult, but also makes your brain feel better
  • replies: 14

Sorry if I sound crazy or if this makes anyone cringe. I wasn't sure were to post this, but I guess I was just wondering if anyone has any advice or something especially since I'm worried I'm going to fall back into old, really bad habits which has h... View more

Sorry if I sound crazy or if this makes anyone cringe. I wasn't sure were to post this, but I guess I was just wondering if anyone has any advice or something especially since I'm worried I'm going to fall back into old, really bad habits which has happened before (I think last year). I finally have realized why so many people who know me in real life say I'm not a good person. Learning more about taking accountability, doing more inner work and thinking about what kind people would do if they were in my situation has helped me grow more as a person. It's also super helpful when people directly explain to me what I'm doing wrong in a way that is easy for me to understand, especially since I don't know what a lot of words mean and often can't tell when people are talking about me specifically when talking about people online. I have vulnerable narcissism. It hurts when people know I'm bad, but it also hurts when people think I'm a really good person. When I was in school, since I was so shy, people kept telling me how good and perfect I was all the time. Even though I knew it wasn't true, I internalized it. When I was in school, it felt good, but as I matured more, it started feeling really bad. Even a few months ago, someone said to me "You don't have a mean bone in your body - you're too lovely." Which isn't remotely true so um... Ouch!? I know she was being nice, but even nice, well intentioned compliments people give you can hurt if they don't know what you're really like. I don't want to continue being a mean, narcissist who keeps hurting people and can't even tell why things they do and say would hurt so much. Being a narcist isn't funny or "quirky" or anything like that - it's actually really cringe and just makes people feel bad. I don't know how to live with mean things I have done, especially the really mean stuff that I continued doing when I was in my 20's. My family would say I'm being too hard on myself, but I'm not. If I met someone who was just like me, I wouldn't like them. Another thing that makes me feel bad is that while I have been through things that deeply hurt me, especially when I was a lot younger, there's other people who also live in the first world (I think that's what it's called) who would have gone through the same things who remained good. Some people who have been through really hard things even end up being very kind empaths. I shouldn't have just assumed what people may/may not have gone through. It's complicated because I don't enjoy being a loser, but my brain feels a lot better. I don't have DID, (I know that's something very different), but I feel like I have "personalities" in my head for lack of a better word and I occasionally feel them "moving around in my head", especially of recent. Since I wasn't nice, I wish I could at least do better now and start putting a lot of positivity into the world instead of crap, but I feel like it's too late. I've hurt so many people. I don't know if there are things I can do to put heaps of good back into the world to try to make up for at least some of my crap because I am not smart in multiple ways. I've done a bit of volunteer work (Saint Vinnies and the RSPCA), but I would like to try something different. The RSPCA was fun and rewarding, but I found it a bit stressful. I also feel like people usually don't like me at some places I go to and some of them make it obvious or talk about it in the back room. Some others think I'm really kind which also hurts. I just want to be normal.

Relic_Girl I have complex PTSD. The last few months I seem to be stuck in 'fight or flight' mode.
  • replies: 15

I have complex PTSD. The last few months I seem to be stuck in 'fight or flight' mode. Many flashbacks, visual, emotional, physical. The littlest things are difficult to cope with. I start the day with what feels like my cup 90% full. Not wanting to ... View more

I have complex PTSD. The last few months I seem to be stuck in 'fight or flight' mode. Many flashbacks, visual, emotional, physical. The littlest things are difficult to cope with. I start the day with what feels like my cup 90% full. Not wanting to go on is a common feeling/thought. Lonely place to be. I do have a mental health worker and have seen a trauma counsellor once - waiting on further appointments to be scheduled. Had a good GP but he's left and no-one else is available in my small town. I am rambling. I am very proactive and compliant doing all sorts of techniques - grounding, mindfulness, breathing, distraction etc etc. I'm still working and fulfilling what needs to be done in my life. But it's getting harder and harder and I'm getting tired and more tired and more hopeless and feel as if I try and try and nothing is changing. I don't know what I'm asking. I'm doing all the "things". I enact my safety plan - call suicide call back service, lifeline. Come away feeling more hopeless. It's hard to get through 5 minutes sometimes. Again I don't know what I'm asking. I seek assistance and there seems no more answers and I'm stuck in this place that is dark and dangerous and lonely. Sorry for such a negative post. It's really normally not me and I normally don't share or put myself out there.

Pete66 Mental health support after surgery
  • replies: 3

I am curious why the medical sector is not more pre-emptive with mental health for patients.2017 i have emergency surgery to remove flesh eating bacteria from my leg, and then two months in hospital, including several weeks tied to the bed, to repair... View more

I am curious why the medical sector is not more pre-emptive with mental health for patients.2017 i have emergency surgery to remove flesh eating bacteria from my leg, and then two months in hospital, including several weeks tied to the bed, to repair the skin after.Two years later the leg gets removed anyway.I am not aware that I may or may not be missing anything as I have had no experiences like this before.2023 then develop a deep skin cancer. More bits chopped off. all goes well.But I notice that with in all the follow-up consultations after, the doctor seems to be monitoring my mental health closely.For a cancer there seems to be a gold standard of not just physical health, but also mental health.When your leg is being held together by wishful thinking, you have to understand you might have an issue and then seek help (which might arrive days later)Just bothered by the duel standards

Guest3564798 Ongoing mental health issues
  • replies: 5

I’m not entirely sure what I’m hoping to get from writing this, but I need to say it somewhere.I’ve been struggling for around 15 years with what I believe are undiagnosed depression, anxiety, and ADHD. As I’ve gotten older, I feel less stable — more... View more

I’m not entirely sure what I’m hoping to get from writing this, but I need to say it somewhere.I’ve been struggling for around 15 years with what I believe are undiagnosed depression, anxiety, and ADHD. As I’ve gotten older, I feel less stable — more reactive, more overwhelmed — and at times I find myself wishing I simply didn’t exist.I carry multiple layers of trauma from my childhood and early adulthood, including physical abuse, parental neglect, sexual assault, bullying, and infidelity in a past relationship. Those experiences still feel very present in the way I move through the world.I have difficulty forming meaningful connections and often feel like an outsider. I’m currently in a healthy, supportive relationship, which I’m grateful for, but beyond that I struggle to build close friendships — especially when it feels like everyone is too busy to make space for me.I know I need help, but I feel unmotivated to pursue it. I haven’t found a therapist I feel safe or comfortable with, and the idea of sitting and talking about myself to a stranger makes me deeply uncomfortable.I don’t know exactly what I’m asking for — but I know I don’t want to keep feeling like this.

Mudcakes I’m over this. What did I do?
  • replies: 8

Um where do I start? This is a massive year for me, the IVO against my father ends in May. I Found disturbing and quite frankly fucked up things about his life now and who sees him as a hero and it is sickening. That will get worse, articles/blog pos... View more

Um where do I start? This is a massive year for me, the IVO against my father ends in May. I Found disturbing and quite frankly fucked up things about his life now and who sees him as a hero and it is sickening. That will get worse, articles/blog posts and social media posts, let alone his logo on the news. I have an amazing therapist and was through ndis well they were paying for it. They changed my plan suddenly to agency for stupid reasons and now they wont pay her. I probably need a mental health care plan for 10 sessions and if its fortnightly like normal will end in july just when more court shit will happen cause it will be a new ivo application under my new name and as an adult and he will contest it. Ndis also have not had my disabilities listed at all I found out for 5 years its something I dont even have and got my date of birth wrong. But I get punished at the worst possible time. I’m not okay, im numb and angry I cant form tears. My psychologist knows me and my trauma and I was just starting to feel a bit better, I caught the tram to my appointment after a year. I feel broken. I feel like im being punished.

sgz stressed
  • replies: 3

got cptsd cant deal with my emotions 

got cptsd cant deal with my emotions 

David35 PTSD from caring for mum
  • replies: 9

The last few years my mum, 78, had bladder cancer treatment which worked. She's now in remission. But in that time, I (47) have grown to despise certain parts of her. It's like her medical issues and personality got all jumbled up. I hated the illnes... View more

The last few years my mum, 78, had bladder cancer treatment which worked. She's now in remission. But in that time, I (47) have grown to despise certain parts of her. It's like her medical issues and personality got all jumbled up. I hated the illness, but i didnt hate mum. For a long time everything was a crisis with mum, at least in her own mind. Over time I got burnt out. I would regularly just drive off to go for a walk to get away from her constant fears, worries, nagging. The problem is now whenever I get phone calls from her, I blow up. Today I went down the shops, a drive I find peaceful but being interrupted by her calls just made me fly into a temper tantrurm. I get that I'm her carer, support system, but sometimes I just need some space. How do I stop over reacting this way? It hurts her, it's shameful. I have a woodworking hobby as an outlet. But this incessant checking up on me all the time drives me nuts. Mum suffers with anxiety, but how can I stop blowing up from something so trivial?

BG_95 The void
  • replies: 7

Hi guys. I don’t really know how to start this. I guess it’s complicated. I have no intention to harm myself and when I talk about how I feel it’s always the constant worry but that isn’t what I plan to do. I just feel like this world isn’t for me. I... View more

Hi guys. I don’t really know how to start this. I guess it’s complicated. I have no intention to harm myself and when I talk about how I feel it’s always the constant worry but that isn’t what I plan to do. I just feel like this world isn’t for me. I feel like I am out of my body in a way-looking at myself and everybody around me and I don’t understand how or why I’m involved in any of it. I’m very intelligent-so I’ve been told and I look at socioeconomic spaces and society and media and I think the good and bad in the world and the rollercoaster of life is too much and I want to get off the rollercoaster and just feel peace (peace alive not unalive) I don’t see myself being able to feel safe in a relationship to start a family because I self sabotage due to fear of abandonment. I don’t want to work everyday of my life because I have worked so hard and am a good worker and I’m not cared for in jobs like I care for jobs so what’s the point. I’m studying a degree that I’m passionate about but it’s in a negative work environment (hospital/healthcare) I care so much and I wish I just cared a normal amount. I know I’m not the only one to feel like this but for myself I’m sick of being in such a negative space and I feel like I’m drowning and stuck in a pit of darkness. I have had these depression episodes on and off my whole life. 6 months of the year I’m off work due to depression. Real depression and not laziness. I have been told I have major depression, mild anxiety and complex ptsd due to some physical abuse and a LOT of verbal abuse and manipulation in childhood. CBT therapy dosent really work for me and idk what else is there to help. Trust me, I’m not a lazy person and have tried the whole meditation, self help books, CBT therapy, medication, look you name it-I’ve worked really hard at it. I’m 28 years old and all I want to do and all I do is sleep lately and most of the time anyway just worse other times. 13-14 hours a day because I don’t want to feel anything. I don’t know what else to do. I’m lost and yes I know it sounds really terrible like I will hurt myself but I don’t want to and won’t do it I’m just screaming for help at this point and looking for a way to stop hating myself and the world and being so negative. I’m tired and have been working on myself since I was 16 years old and I’m tired and just want things to get better and my hard work on myself to start paying off

HisMaggie56 Constant Triggers
  • replies: 2

I’m going through a whole lot of things lately that have basically caused me to have a mental crisis.Trying to get some things put into place the past couple of weeks to help me and also my husband to cope.I’m seventy, and worn out from trying to dea... View more

I’m going through a whole lot of things lately that have basically caused me to have a mental crisis.Trying to get some things put into place the past couple of weeks to help me and also my husband to cope.I’m seventy, and worn out from trying to deal with my stuff.

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