PTSD and trauma

A space for discussing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), domestic abuse, sexual abuse and other trauma. Please note some content may be distressing.

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 273

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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mytrauma81 Then I had my daughter
  • replies: 1

I’ve grown up with trauma my whole life. So many people would comment you’re such a strong person and so resilient. These people knew most of my traumas but not all. its true, I am, I was a strong female who had compassion but never allowed anyone to... View more

I’ve grown up with trauma my whole life. So many people would comment you’re such a strong person and so resilient. These people knew most of my traumas but not all. its true, I am, I was a strong female who had compassion but never allowed anyone to treat me badly. Yet as a child I was treated so badly and allowed it. Being manipulated to feel that I was the problem. I grew up and had great relationship and then found my husband. We had 2 boys and life was amazing. Then I had my daughter and the secret trauma I pushed to one side and never told anyone resurfaced like a tsunami and flash backs began. They influenced me in ways I couldn’t imagine and I became someone I didn’t know. Constant fear and dread. You see I was sexually abused by my 2 brothers at a young age. I never told a sole. My beautiful boys I would now look at as predators. It’s not there fault but I grew up thinking it was not my brothers fault. They didn’t know any better. 1 is a bad bad person who we have all disowned. The other is a manipulative narcissistic person. My other brother- was my protector. Not perfect but always my protector.the trauma and flashbacks wouldn’t disappear and my dependency on alcohol and stimulants surfaced. No one knows. They see me as a strong independent amazing mum. Which I am but the trauma is eating away. I confided in my husband and best friend and they have been so supportive and said it explains so much. Why I continued to allow the manipulator brother dictate to me. I don’t want to tell anyone else but am stuck in this merry go round of trauma. I’ve since lost my dad who was my hero and feel broken. Therapists can’t help. I know it was never my fault. I was too young to understand. But fear for my daughter 24/7. It’s crippling. What are some suggestions that have helped others get past trauma

Tagco PTSD Compo and Centrelink
  • replies: 1

Former bottle shop attendant for a well known chain. I have recently been through 2 hold ups and going through a pretty tough time trying to recover. My problem is that i am no longer with my employer but i still receive help from The private Compo i... View more

Former bottle shop attendant for a well known chain. I have recently been through 2 hold ups and going through a pretty tough time trying to recover. My problem is that i am no longer with my employer but i still receive help from The private Compo insurer for medical visits , expenses etc. This means i receive an updated work cover certificates after every visit with my GP. As I'm no longer with my employer and i get no financial help from the Compo Insurer I now rely on help through Centrelink. This is where the system is wrong and i get no help from Centrelink. I recently talked to a Centrelink Social Worker and asked to join a DES Service Provider Program to help me get back to work or try to go back to work only to find that i can't do that because i need a medical Certificate. My doctor won't give me a certificate because I'm on Work Cover and she said it is against the law to give me a Certificate for Centrelink while I'm on the Work Cover Certificate. So even though I'm Receiving regular help From my Psychologist and GP and on medication I am not classed as sick through Centrelink's eyes and have been asked to apply for so many jobs every month to the point that i was with my Service Provider the other day and she asked why I'm not applying for Phone canvassing Jobs. I looked at her and replied that i would be no good at doing phone Work as i can't even talk to someone on the Phone without shaking. She then said well why have you been applying for Delivery Driver Jobs if you can't talk on the phone. With tears in my eyes i looked at her and said at least I'm Trying. I just feel like I'm going backwards in trying to recover and I'm in a very emotional state at the moment and some days i can't stop crying. The Compo Insurer has promised me to help me with a back to work plan but I've been waiting for 6 weeks now. So with no help from either end I'm stuck in the middle of a system that does not help the sick. I don't want to be on Centrelink but have no choice and all i ask is for some help with getting me back in the work force. The Disability Work Provider (Des) said i need a Medical Certificate to Join there Service. I just think it's so wrong that even though i have proof of my sickness that no one can help me with me in trying to get back to work. Has anyone else been through this and have any answers for me. Please help me.

Cheer Cheer
  • replies: 2

Currently unemployed yet again due to being bullied I. The workplace at 62 I am not giving much hope to return to work

Currently unemployed yet again due to being bullied I. The workplace at 62 I am not giving much hope to return to work

cat15 Narrcistic abuse
  • replies: 2

Hello, I am a 52 year old woman, and have a life of narrcistic abuse from my mother, and exhusband. I always felt different and wondered why things never made sense and why things were always my fault and still my fault. I could never put my finger o... View more

Hello, I am a 52 year old woman, and have a life of narrcistic abuse from my mother, and exhusband. I always felt different and wondered why things never made sense and why things were always my fault and still my fault. I could never put my finger on what was wrong. I have now discovered that both my mother and my exhusband are narrccists. I read about narrcism and when I did it hit me like a brick, all the things they say and did and are still doing to me, finally had a name. I am trying to get help, but it seems people don't believe me, or take me seriously. Why didn't I see what was going on? I don't know how to get over this. My exhusband was abusing me mentally and at times physically, for over 30 years. This might sound trivial, but narrcistic abuse is real, and I have been left feeling, worthless, stupid and not good for anyone or anything. If anyone can offer advice I,would be greatful. I,wish you all well.

blackbubblegum Seeking help
  • replies: 1

Last year a family member died overseas, and literally no one asked if they could help me cope with the loss. I just went to a few counselling sessions but found it unhelpful, and my new job got in the way. My new job was fast paced and I received no... View more

Last year a family member died overseas, and literally no one asked if they could help me cope with the loss. I just went to a few counselling sessions but found it unhelpful, and my new job got in the way. My new job was fast paced and I received no support and was fired. I stayed in a house for a few months while a family member was overseas and started thinking about adult content creation as a means to earn money. Immediately I was used for my money and bullied online for wanting to get involved. Eventually I was used by an adult content creator for their own gain and afterwards they rejected me, as did all the others. Desperate for work I started a stressful new job and quit after a week, my job agent offered no moral support. Shortly afterwards I decided to try to get into escorting and it ruined my mental health. Only in the last 2 weeks I have started to talk about it and a couple of my support workers have shown no genuine concern. Even one of them gaslighting me, after they forced me to tell them everything. My job agents have no concern for my wellbeing and offer me minimum wage jobs with the least shifts.

Debbiedoo This is about everything
  • replies: 2

Hello,This will be all over the place cause I’m still trying to understand all this I’m a woman in my 50’s and every once in a while I would have this memory . Before my Parents divorced I was 13 yrs old my father took me away to QLD and this is wher... View more

Hello,This will be all over the place cause I’m still trying to understand all this I’m a woman in my 50’s and every once in a while I would have this memory . Before my Parents divorced I was 13 yrs old my father took me away to QLD and this is where the memory starts , I’m sitting on a bed and the tv is on and “Pretty Baby “was on my father comes out of the bathroom wearing just a towel and asks if I want a glass of wine , I said ok and he kept giving wine . All of this is in the third person as in from behind me like someone else is watching this . I never told anyone cause when ever I remembered this it didn’t know if it ever happened but I always felt anxious when it resurfaced. I also had another image where I was laying on the bed naked with my eyes closed and my father was touching me but it was viewed from above once again like through someone else’s eyes. The last thing I remember about that trip was waking up at home ( we lived in NSW ) .My father was physically abusive and an alcoholic we were always walking around on eggshells . My Mum passed away in 2019 and my world crumbled, Mum and I talked all the time yes we argued but she was everything to me so this is where everything unraveled. I went to the doctors and was diagnosed with depression and was put on tablets and told to talk to a psychologist, we talked for a few months and was diagnosed with CPTSD & Generalised Anxiety Disorder. I had never told anyone about what I had remembered until I saw a psychiatrist I told her about the one where he was coming out the bathroom and she said that it was definitely a memory . After all this I would like to know if anyone else remembers things happening in the third person cause I’m just worried that if this is all true will I remember more ?

BG_95 The void
  • replies: 5

Hi guys. I don’t really know how to start this. I guess it’s complicated. I have no intention to harm myself and when I talk about how I feel it’s always the constant worry but that isn’t what I plan to do. I just feel like this world isn’t for me. I... View more

Hi guys. I don’t really know how to start this. I guess it’s complicated. I have no intention to harm myself and when I talk about how I feel it’s always the constant worry but that isn’t what I plan to do. I just feel like this world isn’t for me. I feel like I am out of my body in a way-looking at myself and everybody around me and I don’t understand how or why I’m involved in any of it. I’m very intelligent-so I’ve been told and I look at socioeconomic spaces and society and media and I think the good and bad in the world and the rollercoaster of life is too much and I want to get off the rollercoaster and just feel peace (peace alive not unalive) I don’t see myself being able to feel safe in a relationship to start a family because I self sabotage due to fear of abandonment. I don’t want to work everyday of my life because I have worked so hard and am a good worker and I’m not cared for in jobs like I care for jobs so what’s the point. I’m studying a degree that I’m passionate about but it’s in a negative work environment (hospital/healthcare) I care so much and I wish I just cared a normal amount. I know I’m not the only one to feel like this but for myself I’m sick of being in such a negative space and I feel like I’m drowning and stuck in a pit of darkness. I have had these depression episodes on and off my whole life. 6 months of the year I’m off work due to depression. Real depression and not laziness. I have been told I have major depression, mild anxiety and complex ptsd due to some physical abuse and a LOT of verbal abuse and manipulation in childhood. CBT therapy dosent really work for me and idk what else is there to help. Trust me, I’m not a lazy person and have tried the whole meditation, self help books, CBT therapy, medication, look you name it-I’ve worked really hard at it. I’m 28 years old and all I want to do and all I do is sleep lately and most of the time anyway just worse other times. 13-14 hours a day because I don’t want to feel anything. I don’t know what else to do. I’m lost and yes I know it sounds really terrible like I will hurt myself but I don’t want to and won’t do it I’m just screaming for help at this point and looking for a way to stop hating myself and the world and being so negative. I’m tired and have been working on myself since I was 16 years old and I’m tired and just want things to get better and my hard work on myself to start paying off

Drewboy Tired of trying to ignore childhood SA
  • replies: 3

Hi out there. I am a 45 year old man and have worked hard to build my life, but for some reason the memories of my childhood SA have been coming on stronger and more frequently that it's becoming hard to ignore them and keep moving forward. My older ... View more

Hi out there. I am a 45 year old man and have worked hard to build my life, but for some reason the memories of my childhood SA have been coming on stronger and more frequently that it's becoming hard to ignore them and keep moving forward. My older brother and a friend's dad separately groomed and SA'd me from about the ages of 5 to 12. I never felt comfortable with it but went along so I wouldn't get in trouble, as they told me that would happen if I didn't play along. When I had just turned 14, a 19 yo neighbour who i liked, trusted and thought was a friend coerced me and technically took my 'adult virginity' I guess, but then moved and never made contact again. After that, I was scared to trust people but eventually let myself get into a relationship at 21, which took a few years to get comfortable with. Since then, i've fought hard to ignore and I guess repress the SA I went through as a child, and it's worked out pretty ok until now as I've focused on building my life up. But over the last 12 months the SA memories have been coming back stronger and stronger and I'm just getting so tired of trying to repress them. It's definitely affecting my mood at times. I worry it's affecting my partner and relationship. Sex has an element of fear about it these days. I know I should talk about this stuff professionally but that just feels like a very long and horribly uncomfortable road to go down, and I feel massive anxiety at the thought of seeking that kind of help. I've never told anyone about this stuff, and feel hesitant to even write it here, but I'm not sure what else to do.

Buzzbee Childhood trauma, church and SA
  • replies: 1

Hi there, I am suffering from childhood trauma and family SA. My coping mechanisms are freeze and flight impacting my life. Messed up with a helplessness and low self esteem indoctrinated by church ‚not good enough’ and paranoia ‚god sees and knows e... View more

Hi there, I am suffering from childhood trauma and family SA. My coping mechanisms are freeze and flight impacting my life. Messed up with a helplessness and low self esteem indoctrinated by church ‚not good enough’ and paranoia ‚god sees and knows everything‘, I developed trust issues as parents and church and teachers seemed omnipotent and all knowing. Can’t build deep friendships, can’t ask for help, can’t stay in jobs over long period of times, don’t have many friends and am distant in my family due to trust issues. Conflicts are not resolved as I shut down and freeze and flee to food, neighbours or hobbies. It‘s impacting marriage and family with kids and work environment. Plagued with guilt and shame, not being able to admit mistakes and apologise I am looking for a support group or one-on-one to unravel these issues and help me heal.

Kez77 Domestic Violence
  • replies: 1

So it all just came to a end my fiancée had anoth psychotic episode on Sunday night came home was angry he walked away and chilled and then made me my favourite dinner fish and prawns which was weird for never cooks and brought to me and was so lovin... View more

So it all just came to a end my fiancée had anoth psychotic episode on Sunday night came home was angry he walked away and chilled and then made me my favourite dinner fish and prawns which was weird for never cooks and brought to me and was so loving and sweet the man I feel in love with. then he went and had shower and went and watched tv and then came into our room raging and smashing everything up and put he hands on me. He then walked away and called the police saying I assaulted him when he knows he already has a DVO and I think was his breaking out to protect me for knew they would arrest him and knows I video everything when has his episodes. He has had a change in his medication over a year ago for doctor lost license and since they changed it has been having these episodes and is total different person I don’t even recognise anymore. I have kept trying all I can to get him to get help and we can go together to a new doctor and or a clinic for financially I could support us just wanted him back to the man I feel I love with but he thought he could fix himself and still it kept happening .. and I kept blaming the meds and kept trying to help .. so the police came took him away and I just kept telling them I don’t want him in jail just needs to get medication in rehab sorted.. they then called a family member of mine and they had to take me to the station and i had to make a report of that night then they saw more photos and videos from last 14 months and now has many chargers against him. The house he brought 8 months before I meet him and when I moved in 3 and half years ago we payed double mortgage and everything to get ahead 1 payed mortgage other put the same to the offset savings. We never changed into joint names for didn’t want to loose the low fixed rate we had which would run out this June and then would change. So now I have no access to any money or anything and they weren’t sure how long the court would hold him so I moved within 48hours and out all in storage and staying on a mattress in a family member’s place for have no money for a bond or anything. And for the account is all in his name can’t afford therapy even though they say 10 free sessions through mental health plan they aren’t free anymore. And to get a lawyer isn’t cheap either and doing all takes along time for legal aid and all also.. I am so lost and all can think of is the amazing life we had planned we renovated our house and we were so happy and now in a blink my whole life is up in smoke and my head is spinning like I am in a movie.. Am so worried about him in jail and of course I can’t have any contact and am just so lost and having a really bad day don’t know how my life came to this.