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PTSD and trauma

A space for discussing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), domestic abuse, sexual abuse and other trauma. Please note some content may be distressing.

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 273

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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wint Struggling in new areas, Job distress
  • replies: 1

Hi, I'm new to this forum and I like to share a little bit about the struggles I've been going through. I am 19, an international student and I arrived here 4 months ago. I came here alone, I left my most of my family back in my country. For the last... View more

Hi, I'm new to this forum and I like to share a little bit about the struggles I've been going through. I am 19, an international student and I arrived here 4 months ago. I came here alone, I left my most of my family back in my country. For the last two months, I noticed that I have been distressed and feel unsatisfied with my ability in speaking and listening. I used to work as an front of house staff at a restaurant for the last two months and In work, I was socially secluded by my coworkers and got always picked up by my boss. I was the only Asian working there. I found sometimes that they have been giving me responsibilities and work they don't want to take care of and mocking me behind my back which was only a side note. Every time my shift ended, my boss called and told me that I was not good enough to do this job and only after that did he let me go home. After working there for one month, I became so discouraged to the point that I feel reluctant to speak and deal with the customer. I lost my commitment and dedication to working there as well as my studies. I have developed a mindset of not being good enough to do or achieve anything and I feel that there is something important skill or necessary capacity lacking in me to be able to work effectively. This anxiety and stress become worse day by day. I also became less engaged in my uni lectures and my friends conversation. I lost my strong concentration in studying and i now tend to procrastinate a lot. I am also disheartened with myself as I have always perceived of myself as a very cheerful, competent and outgoing person.

divine_inner_goddess i don't have a feeling of safety - complex ptsd and dissociation
  • replies: 59

**slight trigger warning - I mention the word abuse** Hello out there, I have been posting on other discussion threads but I haven't created my own post until now.... I am realising lately that I can't feel a sense of safety in my body. I can recall ... View more

**slight trigger warning - I mention the word abuse** Hello out there, I have been posting on other discussion threads but I haven't created my own post until now.... I am realising lately that I can't feel a sense of safety in my body. I can recall times when I have felt safe, for example lying under my weighted blanket, or cuddling with my partner. But, I can't FEEL the safety in my body when I think about those memories. It is as if my body simply does not retain a memory of that felt experience. However, I can feel terror, rage, helplessness, numbness, intense shame etc when I remember awful things from my past and I very much feel it in my body. I can feel good stuff in the moment as a vague sensation, but I can't retain the memory of it in my body. Does that make sense? I am learning more and more about dissociation at the moment, and I'm realising that I have experienced chronic dissociation (disconnection from my body sensations) to varying degrees since a child. I was never taught as a child what it meant to feel safe and held and nurtured. My childhood was chaotic, dysfunctional and very abusive, physically & emotionally. Thus, the diagnosis of complex PTSD. I am now in my late 40s and the impact of that early trauma is becoming more and more apparent. I realised this when I called the suicide call back service a few weeks ago and the lady kept saying to imagine a time when I felt safe, or to do something that made me feel safe and to keep doing that until I felt safe in my body. I drew a blank - she might as well have been speaking a different language!! It was a revelation to me! I thought that safety was something you created externally, such as, interacting with people you trust, places that feel comfortable in, and activities that feel nice and not too stressful. I never knew that safety was something you could feel INSIDE your body!! I am slowly learning....... I would love to hear from others with a similar experience. But, also from those who can describe what safety feels like. Thank you, dig

David35 Delayed grief
  • replies: 7

I thought I had got over my father's death which occurred almost 7 years ago. Anyway, I've been trying to get mum out lately and last Friday we went to a pub which dad, mum and I used to frequent for many years before his passing. The whole time ther... View more

I thought I had got over my father's death which occurred almost 7 years ago. Anyway, I've been trying to get mum out lately and last Friday we went to a pub which dad, mum and I used to frequent for many years before his passing. The whole time there I panicked. The next day I've been in a state of panic almost all day. I think it's because we had so many good memories at this particular pub and the realisation now is that those memories were largely because dad was either in our company, or alive at the time (mum and I used to go there during his chemo because he couldn't taste anything). Has anyone else experienced this? Is it something that passes? I think we'll avoid this pub from now on because my heart keeps telling me that dad should be there, but my brain knows he's not. This inner conflict is driving me nuts and ultimately it just reinforces my grief.

Centaured Centaureds story. TW
  • replies: 259

I feel like writing down some of my story might help me ease some of the pain in my head right now. Ive been on beyond blue for a while now and had a few different threads but haven't shared much of my story, or the reasons why I have developed DID. ... View more

I feel like writing down some of my story might help me ease some of the pain in my head right now. Ive been on beyond blue for a while now and had a few different threads but haven't shared much of my story, or the reasons why I have developed DID. Be mindful this post mentions different types of abuse. On the outside my childhood looked normal. I had a mum, a dad, a brother, and some extended family. And although we weren't well off, my parents still owned their home and we had food on the table.But behind closed things were falling apart. It starts at just 5. My dad was diagnosed with a serious brain tumour. It mainly effected his emotions and his body's ability to regulate itself. He was very sick, spent over 6 months in treatment. The drs got rid of his tumour but he was never the same, with serious brain damage and vision impaired. My mum became physically abusive not being able manage, or lock us up for days. I don't know what was worse. At 5 I also had a big operation in my abdomen and with things going on at home began my struggle with eating and thus I later developed an eating disorder but that is only a side note. In the years following I had issues with my grandfather, he was always touchy but I vague memories of this slowly getting worse. Then at 8-9 I was the product of incest. My brother would touch me, but in the later period this left to much more and rape. The next year my family moved states and I got away from grandfather and my brothers abuse stopped. I would withdraw into fantasy and began to dissociate a lot. Then High School came around and was difficult with very few friends and bullying and avoidance. My mum had an affair when I was 13 and then left my dad. Forcing me and my brother to live week with her week with dad. It was very destabilizing. Later on in school I became increasingly withdrawn, and began to self harm. My weight at this point was getting very low. By the end of high school my weight was critical and I made my first attempt. Ive spent the next 11 years in and out of hospital, institutions, in various therapies, seen so many different professionals, struggling to come to the conclusion that I am not not what has happened to me

PinkDiamonds25 I’m a victim of image based abuse and I feel really upset and alone.
  • replies: 6

I’m a female in my mid 30s. I have children of my own. I was in an unhealthy relationship for many years. I had children with this person. During the relationship there were a lot of red flags that I should have payed more attention to but somehow ig... View more

I’m a female in my mid 30s. I have children of my own. I was in an unhealthy relationship for many years. I had children with this person. During the relationship there were a lot of red flags that I should have payed more attention to but somehow ignored. A year or two into the relationship he had sexual intercourse with me whilst I was asleep. He didn’t physically hurt me but there definitely wasn’t consent. a year or so later I woke up to him a similar incident involving my face. Near the end of the relationship I woke up to him taking photos of me and touching me whilst I was sleeping. I was upset after each of these situations, we broke up shortly after the last one. A few years after we broke up (so fairly recently) I was looking at some digital photos he had given me and found a folder full of photos and videos he had taken of me whilst sleeping without consent. In some of them he’s touching me intimately. min some of them he’s moved my clothing to get a better “shot”. He’s also recorded us having sex without my knowledge or consent. Even though these photos were taken a few years ago and we have since broken up, I still feel really upset about it and violated. Some of these photos were taken at the beginning of the relationship and others were taken at the end of it so this has happened on a lot of occasions and has occurred over a long time. Ive searched online to see if I could connect with someone else who has been through a similar experience but can’t seem to find anyone? surely I’m not the only person this has happened to? I know that it’s illegal to take photos like this without someone’s consent but most of the info I can find focuses on the nonconsensual “sharing” of intimate images and says nothing about nonconsensual “taking of photos”. The ex and I did sometimes send consensual nudes to each other throughout the relationship but this feels completely different due to the violation of trust and privacy surrounding these photos/videos. I feel really hurt. My self esteem is affected. I feel like this has affected my self value negatively. I don’t know what to do about it from here. I don’t know if I would be taken seriously if I reported it? I’m worried that my ex would just lie and say that they were consensual if I report it? I feel so betrayed and disgusting.

sparrowhawk I can finally feel
  • replies: 3

I’ve been through sustained emotional abuse (the perpetrators were members of a religious community). I left the community with an eating disorder and as I was unwell and starving I just didn’t have any sort of capacity to feel. I was numb to everyth... View more

I’ve been through sustained emotional abuse (the perpetrators were members of a religious community). I left the community with an eating disorder and as I was unwell and starving I just didn’t have any sort of capacity to feel. I was numb to everything. As I started recovering I began experiencing more triggers, flashbacks and moments of panic. I am seeking help but my psychologist is quite repetitive and we tend to talk about the same things each time. My symptoms are become more frequent and while I’m grateful I can feel (as that means I can process), I’m anxious about the impact it will have on my partner. They encourage me to talk but I hate always bringing up the same issues with them, and just can’t shake that feeling that I am an inconvenience.

i_harrold Homophobic and stereotypical dad
  • replies: 4

I have lots of problems with my dad. He is homophobic to others and it makes me want to cry. Atthe dinner table he said to my 8yr old brother “air hostesses are only for girls and gay men” that made me cry. I’m not apart of the LGBTQIA+ community but... View more

I have lots of problems with my dad. He is homophobic to others and it makes me want to cry. Atthe dinner table he said to my 8yr old brother “air hostesses are only for girls and gay men” that made me cry. I’m not apart of the LGBTQIA+ community but i do support it and have no problems with it but my dad is so arrogant about it and he doesn’t know how much his word affect me. I opened up to him and mentioned therapy for me and he said “why would you need therapy, that’s for weak people, when i was a teenager i went through all the same stuff and i didn’t need any therapy” It made me want to cry, the fact that my own dad is against therapy. That’s why i’m reaching out on here. I’m scared to talk to my mum because i feel she will turn on him and then it will create big fights and maybe even divorce. Idk what to do?

JRC1962 Trauma childhood and adulthood trauma
  • replies: 5

Hi I'm 61 years old. My father is nearly 90. He was so critical of his children when we were growing up, and his words still haunt me. We get on well now but every now and then he will say something that brings it all back. It's just a relationship w... View more

Hi I'm 61 years old. My father is nearly 90. He was so critical of his children when we were growing up, and his words still haunt me. We get on well now but every now and then he will say something that brings it all back. It's just a relationship where I am numb to it. I married a man who drank and gambled and womanised, I was so naïve and damaged from childhood experiences so I just put up with it all, and was told constantly how bad I was. He died 20 years ago. I struggled socially to fit in with everyone I knew and to feel good about my relationships, even though I have old friends I never feel like I belong anywhere and I'm always anxious. I work in a responsible job, I have two daughters, one of which has had terrible trauma from school. I just remember every bad thing that has ever happened and can't move past that even though I've also had some good things happen over the last 20 years. Thanks for listening. I don't think I'll ever not feel anxious socially.

gremz domestic violence against men
  • replies: 39

I am currently studying community welfare and began the subject Domestic Family Violence. Although many men do experience abuse from their partners, this is not recognized in my course. When I asked the teacher about it, she reported to me that men b... View more

I am currently studying community welfare and began the subject Domestic Family Violence. Although many men do experience abuse from their partners, this is not recognized in my course. When I asked the teacher about it, she reported to me that men being abused by women would and should be treated differently and receive less support. Its been a long hard battle for females to gain rights so we should be treated better than males? I don't think this is the "equality" I visioned as a female. Anyone else find it not quite right? Shouldn't violence (especially in a family) and abuse against ANYONE be wrong?

Patches63 Psychologist vs psychiatrist …. Which is best
  • replies: 38

Couple months ago my local Dr referred me to physiologist for CBT for PTSD with events going back over many decades. As part of journaling I typed up a timeline showing yr of event, my age at the time and brief summary of event. First 2 sessions with... View more

Couple months ago my local Dr referred me to physiologist for CBT for PTSD with events going back over many decades. As part of journaling I typed up a timeline showing yr of event, my age at the time and brief summary of event. First 2 sessions with psychologist were complete taken up by going through the timeline and her asking questions. 3rd session I was already upset, couple days prior had been told by one of my friends herself and her hubby moving interstate before end of the year. This information triggered my fears of abandonment with horrible nightmares of me being completely on my own. Psychologist spent 3rd session trying to calm me down and talked about theory of how trauma affects the brain plus talked about flight, fright, freeze reactions.local dr at recent appointment has doubled my dosage of anti depressants and said he thinks I will be better off being referred to a psychiatrist due to my PTSD. When I asked local gp why he thinking about referring me to different therapist after such short period of time his reply was for me to discuss with my psychologist at next session, discuss with her and then have next review with local gp within a week of having next session with psychologist. Im confused. I don’t understand why about 7 weeks ago local dr referred me to psychologist and after having only seen psychologist for 3 sessions local dr now thinking psychiatrist is more appropriate. has anyone experienced similar? Any thoughts or experiences regarding the different therapists for PTSD, OCD and associated anxiety? Patches