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PTSD and trauma

A space for discussing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), domestic abuse, sexual abuse and other trauma. Please note some content may be distressing.

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 272

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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ecomama new person
  • replies: 2071

Hi everyone not sure what parts to disclose here, feeling very uneasy posting. I feel like a lot of people here, know that I'm socially isolated but feel it's safer this way. I have a lot of mixed feelings due to covid19; feeling freer or even happie... View more

Hi everyone not sure what parts to disclose here, feeling very uneasy posting. I feel like a lot of people here, know that I'm socially isolated but feel it's safer this way. I have a lot of mixed feelings due to covid19; feeling freer or even happier that movements were restricted as I have had little choice but to live this way for a long time. Then I realised how odd this reaction is, opposite to what I was hearing at work. Simultaneously I felt huge grief for the world. I'm experiencing compassion fatigue from all of this. my life has been wrought with trauma & grief, tremendous violence & loss. I desperately sought help from authorities to stop things over many decades. I have fought so hard through courts etc, I know it has cost me a lot of mental stability a lot of the time. At least my children and I are safe atm. Feeling safe is another thing entirely! happiness eludes me. I strive for the happiness of my children. I don't know how to attain personal happiness, so have strived for contentment. I work hard physically but feel far more exhausted by my mind. flashbacks and memories often come back relentlessly in my waking hours and in my dreams. Working hard physically helps me sleep better I used to be very sociable, quite athletic and had a large family. The abuse has taken its toll. My relationships were undermined by the abuser, so they are lost. My physical health was severely impacted by the abuse also. I have a counsellor but I was advised by a close friend who is studying psychology to seek a more intensive type of therapy. I have completed countless hours in therapy through books, online and in person over decades. My counsellor is very impressed by my persistence, resilience and recovery but I feel awful most of the time. I have no relationships with extended family anymore which is very sad for me. I have basically given up trying since doors are constantly closed on that front. Soon I plan to take leave from my work to support my children all struggling in their learning from home programs. I will have to take leave on far less pay, so this presents obvious issues to an already stretched financial situation. I know there is no magic cure for all the issues I have at hand but I still have hope that things will improve and that I can feel happy one day. I pray there are answers within this forum for me. Thanks for reading.

Anzee Stuck
  • replies: 84

Hi, my two daughters and I have left their dad a few times now, but this time around I felt like I really didn’t have much choice to leave as I was being threatened by services if I didn’t leave. We spent 4 months in 8 different crisis properties and... View more

Hi, my two daughters and I have left their dad a few times now, but this time around I felt like I really didn’t have much choice to leave as I was being threatened by services if I didn’t leave. We spent 4 months in 8 different crisis properties and refuge spread out across the state. We experienced some awful things during that time, including further abuse somewhere we were meant to feel safest. Anyways a court ruled it wasn’t sustainable for us to continue moving around, so we got the house back and their dad had to leave. But he just continues to find ways to control where and how we live without even having contact with us. He made it so he owns everything we have and we can’t escape him. We have been homeless on more than one occasion so I’m too scared to even just cut our losses with the house and walk away with nothing because I can’t go back to having nowhere to live and living out of suitcases, always on the move. But even with a full no contact IVO he still has that control over us and I feel like I’m just going to end up going back to him because it’s more predictable than being controlled by a far. I have no idea what his next plans are to sabotage us and he’s always two steps ahead, so I am in constant fear waiting for the next thing he’s going to throw us. He has moved on (likely only a couple of weeks after we left, whilst telling me how much he loved us and wanted us back etc etc) and I have been talking to someone new recently but I’m so scared that if he found out we’d all be in danger. So I feel like he just continues on with his life, no responsibility for the kids (which is a good thing and what’s safest) he sees who and does what he wants but at the same time still holds so much power and control over me/ us. I want to be able to move forward but as well as being so scared he won’t be able to accept that, I just don’t feel like I can risk that homelessness. Both main times we left I have applied for rental after rental and in different areas and have been turned down by every one. I just feel like I’m so trapped under his control still while he’s out there free to live his life. All of the support workers including the police have suggested because of the severity, I should make criminal charges against him but I still defended him and his behaviour to every one I’ve worked with because I do still love him and he is the father of my children but he just continues to screw me over any chance he gets, but I know I’m stuck with him.

TJR nightmares and panic attacks
  • replies: 10

hey, i suffer from depression, anxiety and PTSD. last night I had a nightmare and while i was asleep i had a panic attack. this nightmare felt so real, i had to force myself to wake up just because of the panic attack i was having while asleep, i am ... View more

hey, i suffer from depression, anxiety and PTSD. last night I had a nightmare and while i was asleep i had a panic attack. this nightmare felt so real, i had to force myself to wake up just because of the panic attack i was having while asleep, i am pretty sure i was also shaking a little but i can't quite remember? is this something i should bring up to my psychologist? i am pretty terrified to go back to sleep in case it happens again.

PrincessMilktea Sexual assault is one of womanhood's darkest, most unreported rites of passage
  • replies: 11

It happened to me again tonight. I suppose I shouldn't be so surprised it happened - or that I'd be blamed for it. Why was I chosen? Why was I made to feel unsafe in my own body? Scared of my own shadow? We're taught to cover up, get home before dark... View more

It happened to me again tonight. I suppose I shouldn't be so surprised it happened - or that I'd be blamed for it. Why was I chosen? Why was I made to feel unsafe in my own body? Scared of my own shadow? We're taught to cover up, get home before dark, watch our drink, re-think that mini-skirt, keys between the knuckles - ritualised surrender to the reality of sexual violence and misogny.I can't walk anywhere now with someone behind me without my heart thundering, my blood rushing to my ears, my mind haunted with flashbacks. I can't tell my man why I'm simultaneously aroused yet ghastly afraid of the very things that make him so attractive to me, of his larger muscle mass, those meaty, square-tipped fingers that could just as easily bestow violence as they did rapture. I can't tell him that I can't associate sex without violence and violence without men.I can't tell him those things because he'll just look at me with some mixture of sympathy and confusion, the one worn by a bystander observing a reality he will never face but understands on a rational level, exists. And sure, men are raped by other men too, and in some ways this serves as a larger humiliation for the male ego, yet the acute vulnerabilities exclusive to women, but absent in men, makes the threat far more proportional and unimposing for the latter. Men will never experience other men the same way women experience men, and in this decoupling, is why discussions of rape culture and patriarchy will always be mediated through the fear of the victimised and the indifference of the invulnerable as she negotiates her worth on his deaf ears. There is no fairness in this. No justice.And though I'm harrowed by my experiences with sexual assault and male indifference to it - I know that when he asks me later tonight if I'm doing okay, it'll send a deluge of shame down my spine for having thought so ill of him, even in generality. Time for a cry.

cady2015 Career change
  • replies: 2

Hi all.I hope you’re reading this and feeling well.I work in an intense industry (mental health). Intense for me, anyway. I consider myself a highly sensitive person. I live with PTSD and anxiety is prominent. I have struggled somewhat for years. Alw... View more

Hi all.I hope you’re reading this and feeling well.I work in an intense industry (mental health). Intense for me, anyway. I consider myself a highly sensitive person. I live with PTSD and anxiety is prominent. I have struggled somewhat for years. Always get told I’m burnt-out but not quite meeting the criteria because I’m still meeting all my job requirements. I get told I’m doing “too well” to be considered burnt-out. Or that I’m thriving under pressure. But internally, I feel like I’m crumbling. The Sunday Scaries are getting really intense. I am really stressed getting ready for my day. And really drained at the end. I do “do well”, as they say. No one would ever, ever know.I am also a creative and recently got offered a work from home role in this area. Completely out of the blue. Certainly not as “rewarding” and definitely not what I went to uni for.But I’m starting to think that living with PTSD, working in an intense role and juggling other responsibilities is a bit much. My employer is super, super supportive.My issue is that because they are so supportive, I feel like I’m letting them down. I also compare myself to others. They can do it. Why can’t I? I feel like I’m running away. All my mental health training is screaming “this is avoidance!” And yet, if a client came to me with this predicament, I’d support them to explore that it’s okay to slow down.I know the grass isn’t always greener. But working from home sounds idyllic. I’m a very motivated person. I do feel I’d need to make an effort to work from coffee shops on occasion and network for that sense of community. But I can set my own hours, work around my kids, wear my pyjamas as needed.I feel like I’m failing. I am so jealous of people who can do “all the things” without feeling like they need to cry every day from the stress. I have some great friends who are giving a few mixed opinions. Some say I should go for it. Others say it’s a waste of a HECS debt and everything I’ve worked hard for.Has anyone else changed careers as a result of their mental health? I’d love to hear all about it.Thanks in advance.

Rupes79 EMDR Therapy
  • replies: 2

Hi All, Has anyone undergone EMDR therapy and if so can you share your experience? My psychologist has recommended I undertake a course and has said you don’t have to talk about the issues with the therapist. I don’t quite understand what she means i... View more

Hi All, Has anyone undergone EMDR therapy and if so can you share your experience? My psychologist has recommended I undertake a course and has said you don’t have to talk about the issues with the therapist. I don’t quite understand what she means is would be keen to hear some experiences of others. thanks

Karen0901 PTSD recovery
  • replies: 1

Has anyone recovered from PTSD? What influenced your recovery? I have had mental health issues in the past. These have always peaked then recovered for awhile. However, I have complex PTSD now. Multiple traumas. I would love to know if anyone had rec... View more

Has anyone recovered from PTSD? What influenced your recovery? I have had mental health issues in the past. These have always peaked then recovered for awhile. However, I have complex PTSD now. Multiple traumas. I would love to know if anyone had recovery periods after their PTSD became severe. It can be disheartening sometimes. The panic is the hardest part. Does this ease? It can come out of nowhere sometimes. I have had talk therapy for a number of years but I still see little improvement. SSRI medication has helped but not enough.

Mum Chris Moving on but feeling vulnerable
  • replies: 61

Hi, I am getting past my last big attack of ptsd and I’m not backed up into a corner emotionally and figuratively as I was before. I’m expressing myself better and wanting more out of life again. So all positive signs and took a lot of work too. But ... View more

Hi, I am getting past my last big attack of ptsd and I’m not backed up into a corner emotionally and figuratively as I was before. I’m expressing myself better and wanting more out of life again. So all positive signs and took a lot of work too. But I have a really strong feeling of loneliness and detachment from the world and everyone in it. I’m lonely when I go out when I’m home and I feel unwanted ignored and like I don’t belong. I suppose it’s not a new feeling but I don’t feel like I belong anywhere or even worse that no one wants me anywhere. Im a pretender I work and shop and live but I don’t really feel that I’m valued or that people really don’t like me. Is it self centred or self obsession or that I’m still always watching for danger and I’m on guard still. thanks MC

P12 Long Term Trauma
  • replies: 4

I received a recommendation to start a new discussion when my main discussion has apparently not initiated discussion with other than one other member over the past few months. I would like to ask whether anyone may share their experience overcoming ... View more

I received a recommendation to start a new discussion when my main discussion has apparently not initiated discussion with other than one other member over the past few months. I would like to ask whether anyone may share their experience overcoming long term trauma? My experience is that the prevailing strategy is to assume that long term trauma exists because the individual holds an incorrect belief. Therefore the solution is to correct the belief. However, I found it almost impossible to change a belief that is validated by stronger evidence than that which is suggesting an alternative belief. Thank you.

CoffeeSnob Ill-Health Retired and Feeling Pretty Alone
  • replies: 4

So I recently retired from VicPol due to PTSD and now trying to get used to this new life. I'm struggling. Like many before me, I was pushed out by my managers and tried too long to hang on to a job that didn't want me. I gave 25 years, working with ... View more

So I recently retired from VicPol due to PTSD and now trying to get used to this new life. I'm struggling. Like many before me, I was pushed out by my managers and tried too long to hang on to a job that didn't want me. I gave 25 years, working with many different people over the years, some of whom I considered to be my friends. Only one person from work has been in touch since I left, which has been really tough. Would love to hear from anyone else out there in a similar situation.