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Caring for myself and others

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Staying well

Support each other to stay well, from mindfulness, sleep, diet and exercise to reducing drug and alcohol use and coping with difficult emotions.

Chelseedy Beyond my stress limit
  • replies: 1

I am beyond stressed and struggling to stay afloat with my simple everyday tasks. I have a good life, good work, beautiful 2 year old daughter and wonderful husband yet I cannot get on top of my life and I’m finding it really difficult. I work full t... View more

I am beyond stressed and struggling to stay afloat with my simple everyday tasks. I have a good life, good work, beautiful 2 year old daughter and wonderful husband yet I cannot get on top of my life and I’m finding it really difficult. I work full time, my husband studies and works and we are building a house that is pulling money out of us left, right and centre through no fault of our own. Everything we do seems to go wrong for us lately. I know it’s out of our control but I’m feeling overwhelmed with the amount of stress that keeps getting thrown our way and don’t feel like we can cope with much more. We are in limbo, can’t move forward, can’t go backwards. How do you cope with everything getting thrown at you all at once? We are financially stressed, mentally stressed, physically stressed (loss of sleep) and are expected to get it together all while it’s falling apart. Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.

ladybird22 I've been running from my inner pain for years and can't run away anymore
  • replies: 1

Hi there to everyone. Sometimes the first step is to just write it down, but it feels like a monkey is on my shoulder saying "stop being a burden on others". But I'm going to ignore that negativity and I know it does help a little by writing it down.... View more

Hi there to everyone. Sometimes the first step is to just write it down, but it feels like a monkey is on my shoulder saying "stop being a burden on others". But I'm going to ignore that negativity and I know it does help a little by writing it down.So im a mature lady who's life has gone in so many 'unwise' directions I'm still spinning..I've had 42 addresses just in the state of Victoria, I can feel another anxious change of address coming on. But other than financial side of things, I know I can't cope with the stress of it anymore.My grown children want me to "settle down" somewhere as naturally their concerned for their ageing mum. Due to some poor decisions in my past I've lost my homes to my 'exes'..So then I went back to renting at various addresses and became anxious about how my later years would be? Then I met a nice man a few years ago and I realised I was 'enticed' to help him build HIS new home. Of course he wanted me in the picture. I've stayed with him for a few years out of a need for a roof over my head. But now I'm just so unhappy and felt TRAPPED into a place like a prison.He isn't 'physically' abusive to me, but im not coping with his baggage (,pets, family etc) I totally dislike the area I live in and have no independence. Of course I'm grateful that I'm not out on the street, but my mind feels like it's shutting down. I'm shutting down from people, experiences, exercise etc, not interested in anything. Depression and anxiety once more, the story of many sad chapters of my life 😔 I don't want to go back on SSRI meds just so I can live under the same roof as somebody. I moved away from my grown children and my grandchildren some years ago to be with my ex and I'd do anything to have some family support near me now. I'm far away from friends n family, feel isolated and hopeless. That's just the start.. thanks for reading so far. A few kind words of encouragement would be appreciated. Thank you

WatcherG Surviving Life
  • replies: 3

Hi all - been on and off the forums for a long time (over a decade) and thought I would reach out again... so frustrated with life, and all the books, websites, etc that always talk about getting better, and how if you just change how you interact wi... View more

Hi all - been on and off the forums for a long time (over a decade) and thought I would reach out again... so frustrated with life, and all the books, websites, etc that always talk about getting better, and how if you just change how you interact with people all will be well. What if you have tried all that, and nothing ever changes? I am a middle age man, married, kids, have a job - but I have struggled with anxiety, depression, a dissociative disorder, and being a highly sensitive person my whole life. All the information tells us that if we meditate, practice mindfulness, engage with specialists, surround ourselves with positive people, that all will be well. What if you have tried all the usual answers, and nothing seems to work? I don't expect for my life to improve, I really am just wanting to find a better way to survive. The people in my life (family and co-workers - I have no friends) do not understand and blame me for being who I am. Just finished reading a book (another one) on being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), and I totally understand what the means and the ways it affects my life. But all the "solutions" discussed rely on the people in your life understanding you as a HSP - what if the people who surround you don't want to know, or if they listen for even a moment, don't care or will not change? For financial and family reasons I need to stay where I am (I simply can't afford to leave my family or my job) and part of me understands that is not the answer - but what is? I really just want to find a way to survive my life, with the vague hope that one day it will get better - can anyone point me in some direction?

Treatments, health professionals and therapies

Information on a range of different areas, including managing relationships with GPs and psychologists, and finding the right services for you.

hep23 First psychology appointment
  • replies: 2

My husband is not well, with severe agitation that results in him shouting at our children and saying horrible things. He doesn’t think he has a problem - he thinks it’s the kids fault he acts this way because he thinks they don’t respect him. After ... View more

My husband is not well, with severe agitation that results in him shouting at our children and saying horrible things. He doesn’t think he has a problem - he thinks it’s the kids fault he acts this way because he thinks they don’t respect him. After the last time this happened, I told him he needs to get help and he has agreed to see a psychologist (tonight). He wants to attend alone, but I’m worried he’ll make light of his feelings and not tell the psychologist how bad it really is. What do I do? I don’t think there is anything I can do, but I just want him to be better.

VioletHey I think I have an adult narcissist son
  • replies: 1

We don’t know because he hasn’t been diagnosed. But we’ve recently discovered he abused his younger brother emotionally from about age 10. They moved out together last year (ages 25&21) and it was a disaster. The level of abuse amped up and my younge... View more

We don’t know because he hasn’t been diagnosed. But we’ve recently discovered he abused his younger brother emotionally from about age 10. They moved out together last year (ages 25&21) and it was a disaster. The level of abuse amped up and my younger son came home. I really need to talk to people who know narcissism because my elder son is clever and really knows how to manipulate Mr and I don’t know the difference between what’s real and what’s not.

Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

adamc Mum Blames Me For Sister's Woes
  • replies: 0

Some months ago, Dad noticed my eldest sister sitting in the loungeroom looking down and asked her what was wrong. Mum, who was sitting nearby, stated "She sees her brother come home with all these DVDs and Blu-rays for himself and it upsets her, bec... View more

Some months ago, Dad noticed my eldest sister sitting in the loungeroom looking down and asked her what was wrong. Mum, who was sitting nearby, stated "She sees her brother come home with all these DVDs and Blu-rays for himself and it upsets her, because we can't go out and get what we want; a dog." And now, with my sister losing weight, not eating very much and looking depressed, last night Mum spoke up and said "Well, it doesn't really help when someone keeps getting parcels delivered."

MeccaAddict What do I do?
  • replies: 2

I (34f) am having an affair with (47m) colleagueStuck in my head.Everyone is going to think I’m an asshole, as I probably am one. In fact I know I am one, but life is complex.I’m a 34 year old female who has been with my husband also 34 for 11 years.... View more

I (34f) am having an affair with (47m) colleagueStuck in my head.Everyone is going to think I’m an asshole, as I probably am one. In fact I know I am one, but life is complex.I’m a 34 year old female who has been with my husband also 34 for 11 years. We have 2 children aged 6 & 2. Our marriage certainly hasn’t been without complications and there’s been rocky times particularly after we had our first child but we are still standing.When we met, I’d had a string of failed/bad relationships - your usual ghosting scenarios, men not wanting to commit etc… so when he came along and was so nice, I just went with it. In hindsight, it certainly wasn’t that head over heals feeling… but there was familiarity that I never worried he wasn’t going to text etc. I don’t know looking back if he was ever head over heals for me… it certainly didn’t seem to be a crazy passionate lover affair, more of a slow and steady burn.I started a new job four years ago. Our marriage was rocky with a two year old and we had some problems with interfering family members. There was a good chance for a while we would not make it. It became very volatile.I ended up striking up a friendship through work. I remember the first time I saw him and I’ve since been told vice versa. There was crazy underlining chemistry in this friendship. We ended up sitting next to each other three years ago and the friendship ramped up - we’d talk for hours when we were at work.. I looked forward to seeing him so much. At the Xmas party that year, we ended up kissing and it was incredible. A week later, I found out I was pregnant with my husband and my second child. That was that, I put things in their place. When I’d see him at work, he was like a lovestruck puppy… but respectful as well and never crossed boundaries. It was horrible having to tell him I was pregnant. Note he also has a girlfriend.I ended up having my second child and then had a years maternity leave. Life was good, I relished my life at home with my two kids. Out of sight and out of mind is really true. Once my maternity leave ended, I had to go back to work and it was like no time had passed between us. At a work do, we ended up having a great chat and said we couldn’t understand why we both liked each other so much but acknowledged that we did. We stayed out until 2am dancing after the event however no physical boundaries were crossed.Eventually we both met up once for a picnic, and kissed. The next time we met up, it was in a hotel room & there have been several meet ups since.I am in my head, thinking I want to leave my husband and that I am in love with him.He’s never asked and nor do I think he would ask me to leave, as he says he doesn’t want to hurt my family but I think he loves me too. He honestly looks at me like no one has ever looked at me before. Because our lives are so busy, the meet ups are so infrequent that I only get small tastes in to what life would be like and the remaining time we only see each other through work. He mirrors my language, shows genuine interest in my life, is affectionate when we are together which makes me think it’s more than sex. He’s told me once he feels deeply for me..I know the grass isn’t always greener, but despite my affair, I feel my marriage is stagnant. I resent the additional house duties I take on while working, I feel like the passion is not there but I also do love my husband - he’s my family and would want to remain friends should we split and share custody.I don’t know what to do. Im half thinking I should leave, break both situations off and focus on being single and my kids to get my head right.Has anyone been in a situation like this and left their current partner and come out the other side? Do you regret your choice? Would you have regretted staying more? Do I stay unhappy and wanting more from my marriage for the sake of my family? Do I blow everything apart when it may not even work out?

CountingCrows1 Depersonalisation - alone forever?
  • replies: 0

I am too scared to find a partner because I don't trust my ability to find a good man. I have depersonalisation disorder and it makes navigating life very difficult. I am always dissociated. I have a lot of pain from my childhood and past experiences... View more

I am too scared to find a partner because I don't trust my ability to find a good man. I have depersonalisation disorder and it makes navigating life very difficult. I am always dissociated. I have a lot of pain from my childhood and past experiences, so I always want to see the good in people. I can never see the red flags. I also want to stay with the guy until I am 100% sure that I should leave, so I have wasted years this way. Now I am almost 40 and single because the dissociation has contributed towards my poor choices. Now I feel like men run when they see my age because they assume 1: she wants to have kids immediately, see ya! or 2: she can't have kids/healthy kids anymore, see ya! or 3: she can't have kids, but she's attractive so she's good for sex only.Not all older women want to have flings. Some of us made poor choices and have been treated badly and really REALLY just want to finally be loved. But I don't want to burden anyone with having to be with me. That's the problem. The depersonalisation disorder is not noticeable for others, it is a hidden disorder. But it is very noticeable for myself on the inside. It causes me fatigue and also I need to spend time always masking (kind of like autistic people do, to try to appear normal and be accepted in society). I do this to make other people comfortable, because I can't be my natural self. So this is exhausting in a relationship. If I dropped the mask, the guy would get bored or frustrated with me being tired and flat/zombie all the time. If I am in a relationship, I subscribe to a lifetime of not being myself through exhausting masking. Which is no fun for me. Then I second guess if I should be/could be a mother. If I have kids, could I handle it? Would it make my dissociation and masking difficulties and fatigue worse? But would not having kids be a huge regret? Because I have so much love to give and I want to help them and watch them grow and create a beautiful family and give someone the gift of life. But would it backfire and I wouldn't be good at it? But then am I being selfish because I didn't bring a beautiful person into the world to enjoy the world and have life? So many uncertainties. So I just stay alone. I haven't had a proper relationship for almost ten years now. Even those relationships I had were the poor choice ones with abuse involved. I haven't had a nice, loving, respectful relationship since 2006. No wonder I have given up on being able to identify a nice man. I had two beautiful relationships prior to 2006. But we were young and when you are under 22 in Australia, many people just break up to explore other options. I wish I held on to one of those relationships as there was not one good choice after that. Now I am almost 40 and I am too scared to try my last year to maybe find a man and have a family. Is it slipping away from me? Will this be the biggest regret of my life? I am guessing I will get all the 'life can still be wonderful without children, there's always adoption replies.' For me adoption is not feasible financially and I don't really agree with some of the ethics of international adoption. I am also a single woman and the amount of adoptions that occur domestically in Australia is minimal, let alone to a single woman who is not financially stable and has deperosnalisation disorder. I could have a family if I met a lovely man, but I don't think I could do it alone. Well this has been one huge negative rant and I apologise for that. Thank you for reading and I hope that you are ok if you are also on this forum.

Supporting family and friends

Share tips on supporting a partner, family member or friend with a mental health condition, and seeking support for your own wellbeing.

Elephant86 The struggles with mental health
  • replies: 0

There are times in many peoples journey where they face there many health issues wheather it be mental health or other forms of illness. My mental health journey started when I was 15 and I had great fear about how do I live and cope with this going ... View more

There are times in many peoples journey where they face there many health issues wheather it be mental health or other forms of illness. My mental health journey started when I was 15 and I had great fear about how do I live and cope with this going forward and what is my life going to look like with this difficult situation I was faced with. I realise that I am not alone with this situation there are many in our community that struggle with different mental health chllengers and every journey is special and unique. We must not fear our illness I have learnt to accept it as as a gift because it makes me very smart but it also makes me ill. You must look at what abilities or gifts your illness gives you and try not to have fear and look at what you have instead of what you don't. It is important to have a positive mindset and say: What can I do to push my life forward? What do I do to look after myself? Everybody is different and have there own mechanisms that keep them well . I will share some magic tricks that help me cope with my bipolar. I do my meditation every day to help me be centred and a peace with myself. I do my cycling everyday for 40min to stay fit which has a major impact on the control of bipoar. I love reading my books every day which keeps me in a positive state of mind. It is important for you to find things that help support you and keep you at peace with your self. It is a different journey for everyone and there are different challengers for everyone. Remember you are never alone on your path you always have the love and support of your family and the wider community to protect and support you. The journey sometimes feels impossible but we walk up the mountain together hand in hand not alone but as a community and you know what they say never leave a man behind. We walk to intoa powerful more wonderful future together. The challengers are great but you can over come your adversity and rise like a pheniox out of the ashers and into a wonderful more powerful future. Mental health has always been a challenge but it is your perspective on how you face your challenge that makes the difference. Do you stop fighting or do you stand up to your dragon and be powerful enough to defeat it. You are powerful beyond measure and always take it one step at a time towards greater health. You have to beleive in your own strength and your own ability and look for the gifts you are given and never give up.

WorkingOnBeingOkay Partner with disability
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, so my partner of 2 years has a intellectual disability. I love her to bits. sometimes I get frustrated, as she needs hearing aids, but hasn’t got them from NDIS yet. I work in disability and am currently working on a Cert 4 in Community ... View more

Hi everyone, so my partner of 2 years has a intellectual disability. I love her to bits. sometimes I get frustrated, as she needs hearing aids, but hasn’t got them from NDIS yet. I work in disability and am currently working on a Cert 4 in Community services and Diploma of CS next year. the topics have been quite sensitive and that has been making me be more moody. I have seen a psychiatrist or psychologist this week. her current support workers aren’t the best. And I’ve just found out she hasn’t been taking her depression medication for the last few weeks. are there any peer support groups I can contact to help, when I feel like it’s getting too much?

wam Out of ideas, affecting me
  • replies: 2

HiI left my husband 22 years ago, though we've remained friends as parents of two great kids. He's struggled with depression for a long time, and relied heavily on me (only me) for support. I raised our kids here in Australia while he worked overseas... View more

HiI left my husband 22 years ago, though we've remained friends as parents of two great kids. He's struggled with depression for a long time, and relied heavily on me (only me) for support. I raised our kids here in Australia while he worked overseas, without much support myself. He returned to Australia around 5 years ago, stayed at my place while he found somewhere of his own (3 years later, after strong suggestions from me that it was taking too long), and has been struggling badly ever since, living alone. I'm still his only real support, especially when he's very down. There have been two 'threats' of suicide over all this time, and even though I'm sure he'd never do that, the strain of it takes a toll. I feel responsible for him, and although this sounds selfish, like I can never escape. Like it's always dragging me down. I struggle with anxiety myself, and this feels like such a massive weight. I've never remarried, focusing solely on my kids while they grew up, and not really having much of a chance since they left home, given he moved back here almost immediately when they did. I have been trying to get him to get support for years and years, knowing I'm not a psychologist. He has always said it never works (he went twice) and also refuses medication. Until the past week when he's agreed to try again. He still travels for work, and I get messages that he's really down, struggling etc while away. It's awful. I'm totally helpless to help him, I ask if he wants to talk and he doesn't respond. I can now feel it taking its toll on me. I feel my anxiety escalating, it's affecting how I am with others, and my work. I just don't know how to escape this. He has no one else, but even 22 years later, it feels like I can't escape. I really don't know what to do about this. I want to support him, but I don't want this affecting my life as greatly as it does. Any advice very much appreciated.

Long-term support over the journey

A space for regular members to keep in touch and revisit ongoing discussions with more than 100 posts.

Angie_2023 Rejected by workforce because of ADHD disability
  • replies: 4

In the last 5 years, I was really fighting for survival, by taking contract after contract with the government agencies in Canberra. With each contract ending because of ADHD or the treatment for ADHD. In my first agency after finding out that I coul... View more

In the last 5 years, I was really fighting for survival, by taking contract after contract with the government agencies in Canberra. With each contract ending because of ADHD or the treatment for ADHD. In my first agency after finding out that I could be on the ADHD medication, took out the incident form and run this among the team members to confirm they do not feel safe with me there. One women started reading aloud the question from the survey to humiliate me. In my next government agency I was working remotely, and one day out of the blue, the manager said that I was aggressive, because I made the comment about my private laptop not having enough of memory to handle the request. Soon after, she asked me to leave. After that I went back with contract to the Agency I was employed in the first contract, and I found that not only I am tagged as the ADHD medication user- they used the derogatory word, but Corporate Security were also saying that I am violent. I am middle aged women, and you could say many things about me, but violent is completely out of my character. I stayed with this agency for 9 months, but one day when working remotely we had a meeting online, and when closing my laptop, there was medication sitting there. The women who was all suspicious about me, because although I had a baseline clearance and WWVP card, there was rumours about alleged violence. She took the video to Security guys. I know that she took this video, because in my next contract, which I managed to organised as the previous had no hope for extension, I found that she provided this video to security. This contract was a nightmare. I do believe that manager, after finding out that I am suspect, has ordered police to spy on me, remotely and on my phone. The team members had a session of watching the video which has been sent by Dear friend from the previous work. They were going through all my personal records, medical records, dispute with my ex husband. They were talking about my income, saying that I done well for the past year, despite of the being an addict. One day, I had to run out of this place, because I was terrorised, humiliated and ostracised. At some point, I told manager that I know what they are doing and that I have the proof of them taking video of me remotely. She also realised that, all action of collecting evidence for police, could not be valid as with my status of person with disability, she would not be able to say I broke the law or code of conduct.

Cen569 Workplace Lack of Support
  • replies: 1

I work in education, I love the kids and seeing them succeed. Over the past few years things have started to become almost unbearable outside the classroom. Entitled kids and parents that don't believe the rules apply to them (ie: playground is close... View more

I work in education, I love the kids and seeing them succeed. Over the past few years things have started to become almost unbearable outside the classroom. Entitled kids and parents that don't believe the rules apply to them (ie: playground is closed before and after school for safety reasons as no staff on duty), administration that doesn't support staff (ie: students are allowed to constantly do the wrong thing or be disrespectful without consequence), administration and teachers that just want to be everybody's friend (I believe that there needs to be a clear line between teachers and students) and allow students to consistently break the rules and undermine other staff directions to students for the same reason. It removes any sense of control, being supported and creates a lot of anxiety. I just don't understand why parents think its okay to ignore the rules and show their kids this is okay and some parents/teachers can't see that children need rules and guidance to give them a better chance to succeed outside the school environment. An employer isn't going to give someone a 2nd chance after swearing at them etc

worriedmum64 Scared for incarcerated son
  • replies: 1

Hi,My son is 28yo and currently on remand and looking like he will be sentenced for 2-6 months.He has struggled with his mental health and drug addiction for over 10 years.This is not his 1st time in trouble with the law but first time in jail.I have... View more

Hi,My son is 28yo and currently on remand and looking like he will be sentenced for 2-6 months.He has struggled with his mental health and drug addiction for over 10 years.This is not his 1st time in trouble with the law but first time in jail.I have had limited contact and haven't been able to visit and he has been locked up for 3 weeks.I'm concerned he has gotten himself into trouble and scared he may be in danger.He rang today and left a voice mail asking me to deposit money into his account as he's in trouble and owes money.I also had a call from someone's partner who claimed they were with my son asking me to put money into his account.I don't know how the system works and haven't been able to get answers or information when I've called the prison.My dilemma is do I deposit the money or will this be the 1st of many times I'm asked to deposit money.I've heard drugs are readily accessible in prison.Thanks for listening.I just don't know what to think or what to do