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Staying well

Support each other to stay well, from mindfulness, sleep, diet and exercise to reducing drug and alcohol use and coping with difficult emotions.

Guest_50030126 I can't cope being alone - I use drink to cope with how I feel
  • replies: 0

Hey, This is my first time posting and I'm hoping this is the right place to say this. I am 33, work long hours in advertising. Have wonderful friends, my family is in another country but I am loved.I just can't seem to feel the same way about myself... View more

Hey, This is my first time posting and I'm hoping this is the right place to say this. I am 33, work long hours in advertising. Have wonderful friends, my family is in another country but I am loved.I just can't seem to feel the same way about myself and I really don't understand how to do it. I hate being on my own, nothing really brings me joy. I distract myself with work, or alcohol in the evenings. I've tried everything - writing, cooking, excercise classes, painting, reading, therapy, medication etc. tried watch tv etc but nothing calms my mind in the evenings when I'm alone - so I turn to drink.I am told that I need to love myself and should enjoy being on my own but I don't and I feel like it's getting worse and worse recently. I can't let go of my ex either and I know I put too much emphasis on how he feels about me. If he loves me and is happy with me, that gives me all my validation. Having his attention is an addiction in itself.I just am really lost, feeling so lonely and sad but have no motivation to talk to my friends, or ask them to come and see me. I have so many messages to reply to and it's too overwhelming so i'm hoping this forum might help.I want to know to love myself, be happy, and when it gets to the evenings not just drink myself to sleep or to quiet my mind. I joined this today, and downloaded Daybreak. But I'm worried about this evening and how to get through today where I don't have work or not drink.

AzureHorizon Feeling Trapped: Depression, Anxiety, and Finding My Way (Cross-dressing, Uncommunicative Marriage)
  • replies: 1

## Reaching Out - Struggling with Depression and Anxiety Hi everyone, I'm new to this forum and wanted to reach out because I'm at a bit of a loss. I've been living with depression for a while now and take medication to manage it. Lately, though, wit... View more

## Reaching Out - Struggling with Depression and Anxiety Hi everyone, I'm new to this forum and wanted to reach out because I'm at a bit of a loss. I've been living with depression for a while now and take medication to manage it. Lately, though, with the pressure at work, it feels like I'm barely staying afloat. The depression and anxiety team up to really mess with my mood and sometimes even my work performance. It's like being trapped, and it's hard to see a way out sometimes. I'm married, and my wife knows about my depression. The thing is, I don't think she quite knows how to help. Maybe it feels overwhelming for her. To cope, I've turned to some things that aren't necessarily healthy – like looking at pornography and occasionally cross-dressing. Cross-dressing, in particular, can help lower my stress, but it's not something anyone in my life supports, especially my wife. We've had arguments about it before, and while I stopped for a while, the urge keeps coming back. The problem is, I can't really talk to her about it openly. It just opens old wounds and makes things worse. Lately, I've noticed her spending more time focusing on her faith – she's Catholic, and I'm not. I've been in Australia for 25 years now, having migrated from India. I don't have any family here, which adds another layer of isolation. Honestly, I'm just looking for some answers. Has anyone out there dealt with something similar? Any advice on managing depression and anxiety, especially when work adds to the pressure? Thanks for listening, and I hope to hear from some of you.

HamSolo01 Hello again, or "Sharing what has happened in the hope that it inspires you somehow"
  • replies: 2

Good morning.It has been quite some time indeed since I posted here at length and my intention today in doing so to both educate myself, provide some insight for others and ultimately move towards betterment (even though that is itself a process and ... View more

Good morning.It has been quite some time indeed since I posted here at length and my intention today in doing so to both educate myself, provide some insight for others and ultimately move towards betterment (even though that is itself a process and not a destination)As I write this note now, I sit in the cramped but altogether snug corner of the granny flat I now share with my partner of 21 months (as of last Tuesday). She is currently at work on her shift, while the Roster gods at my work have given me 4 days off between weekend shifts. The two of us have seen our fair share of suffering, hardhsip and personal struggle - both during and before we met. But it is ultimately this struggle that reminds us all that life is not always easy. To quote Coldplay "but no one ever said it would be this hard", and I believe that's true. But as i struggle forward in life, I believe that Michael Kiwanuka is right when he said "maybe this time i can be strong, but since I know who I am I'm probably wrong". I believe musicians and music itself both have ways of speaking to us in short, stacato stanzas that academese and general waffle (my favourite member of the army corp after Leiutenant Sarcasm) can't. the overal sentiment here is one of struggle, but one of success. For I would rather not live in a utopia or blissful ignorance of my own mortality. Mortality is itself a curious thing because it was once the very thing I focused heavily on and at one point wanted to call an end this life of mine. Oh how much has changed since then! I invite you, the reader, to have a look at some of my other posts over the years. To see how I have changed, grown and struggled and yet have come through, out on top of and from underneath whatever things found themselves in my life - rancid though they were. Ultimately, I believe, like Solzhenitsyn once did, that beauty will save the world. I now invite you, the reader, on this journey of mine. Perhaps it is the fact that I have turned 30 and have hit a new decade that has got me going back over my 20s and indeed many times prior, that has spurned me on towards better things. Recently I came across an old letter I wrote when I was 16. It was an exercise entitled "the man I wish to become". I only remembered this recently and by some strange chance of fate, looked in a box I knew I had in my old bedroom and there it was - sitting there in the open ready for me to read. Meditating on that was deep. Oh so very deep. An anchor for my soul even. Am I that man now? Well, no, but I'm definitely closer than I was before. Maybe that is all that matters. For the life of me I wish I was able to articulate EVERYTHING that has happened in the years since I started posting here - but, to quote Roy Batty "those moments will be lost like tears in the rain". I had many tears in the rain as I grew into who I am now, and many more will come my way no doubt. Oh but I would rather shed that tear and embrace a fear, than its opposite. Before this descends into yet another level of literacy prose, I'll leave it there. YoursMe

Treatments, health professionals and therapies

Information on a range of different areas, including managing relationships with GPs and psychologists, and finding the right services for you.

Guest_69643663 Where to get mental health services on weekends
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Hi, my partner is struggling with his mental health but is extremely reluctant to take time off work to see a professional. We have the weekends off, but I can’t find access to really anything psychology wise in Sydney to sign him up to. The solution... View more

Hi, my partner is struggling with his mental health but is extremely reluctant to take time off work to see a professional. We have the weekends off, but I can’t find access to really anything psychology wise in Sydney to sign him up to. The solution is not to convince him to take time off, it won’t help. If anyone knows anything that would be really helpful. We are going to go on a mental health care plan soon.

Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

Guest_89602191 Help
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Hi, I recently moved country. I have no real friends, family or anyone that checks up on me. I’m really lonely and think of how lonely I am everyday walking home from work. I live with my dad his partner and her children but get the feeling they don’... View more

Hi, I recently moved country. I have no real friends, family or anyone that checks up on me. I’m really lonely and think of how lonely I am everyday walking home from work. I live with my dad his partner and her children but get the feeling they don’t really like me anymore. When I try to converse it’s either one worded replies, me starting the conversation or they go into their rooms. They talk amongst themselves but it’s different when I’m there. It was good when I first came but now it’s progressively getting worse. I am saving to move out and rent my own place but I know I’m not financially stable. I know it’s silly I shouldn’t be thinking like this but nobody checks up on me, nobody asks how I am and I always make sure to ask them. I’m so drained from it all. I feel like everyone hates me and I try so hard with them all like buying things or food or bringing one of the children out for the day for the company and to also get them out. I just don’t know what to do because I care so much for them but I know and see they don’t me. It’s killing me inside. I know I shouldn’t be complaining as I’m in a beautiful country but I feel so lonely in a house full of people.

Heartbroken24 Boyfriend ghosted me
  • replies: 4

Last May, I started talking to a guy and we hit it off straight away. He had been stood up by girls before and had in his words, “major trust issues”. Communication was on and off for months and it took a long time to meet up as he was scared. We fin... View more

Last May, I started talking to a guy and we hit it off straight away. He had been stood up by girls before and had in his words, “major trust issues”. Communication was on and off for months and it took a long time to meet up as he was scared. We finally met 3 months ago and it was amazing. He told me I was everything he imagined and more. We got along so well, texted for two weeks after and became even closer. Then one day, he just didn’t reply to my text. There was a pattern the whole time I’ve known him. We would speak sometimes a few days up to a few weeks before he’d shut down again for months. From everything I’ve learnt and things he’s said here and there over the last almost year, it sounds like he has depression, which makes him shut down. I tried everything to talk to him, including going to his house last night (I messaged him that I was on the way and that I’d turn around if he wanted me to). When I got there, he wouldn’t even come to the door and messaged me to go away. I told him I’m sorry, I just don’t understand what happened and that I love him. Then I left and cried the whole way home. I’m heartbroken because I’ve never felt this way about anyone. And when we were talking, I’d never felt so happy. I’m just stuck in this limbo of depression and loneliness and I don’t know what to do with my life. No matter what I do, it doesn’t fix or distract me from how I feel. I’m in so much pain every single day. I know I can’t help him, but I never expected this to happen and I just feel so lost. Please don’t give me platitudes as it doesn’t help.

Guest_95505599 Want to be intimate with husband but body says no
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I am still very much in love with my husband. I still want to be intimate with him as much as ever. However in the last few years I have been less intimate due to pain during intimacy. I have seen a doctor and am on a waitlist to see a endometriosis ... View more

I am still very much in love with my husband. I still want to be intimate with him as much as ever. However in the last few years I have been less intimate due to pain during intimacy. I have seen a doctor and am on a waitlist to see a endometriosis gyno and have also been told by my gp I am also going through pre menipause symptoms. Common medications I can't take due to blood clots. My husband doesn't understand i still want to be intimate but the pain during and after is not fun for me. I am scared I am going to lose him or make him resent me but feel I have no way forward. Any help would be great. We have tried aids such as movies, toys etc and these help but don't ease the pain.

Supporting family and friends

Share tips on supporting a partner, family member or friend with a mental health condition, and seeking support for your own wellbeing.

witsend does anyone else get anxious/angry/depressed after dark
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My partner goes into a downward spiral as soon as the sun goes down. He gets anxious, then angry, and suddenly has to go to bed, usually before we eat. This might be at 6.30 or 7 at night, then he sleeps fitfully and is never wide awake till after 8 ... View more

My partner goes into a downward spiral as soon as the sun goes down. He gets anxious, then angry, and suddenly has to go to bed, usually before we eat. This might be at 6.30 or 7 at night, then he sleeps fitfully and is never wide awake till after 8 or 9am. I have to creep around like a mouse or I get shouted at. This has been going on for over a year. During this time I persuaded him to cut down severely on alcohol as it had been affecting his mood at night for several decades, but the anxiety and the need to go to bed is a new thing.During the day he's fine, and he's also ok when we go out or have friends around - but I have stopped inviting people round after 6pm to avoid unpleasant scenes.Is this common? He often completely forgets what happened the night before, especially our conversations. Also, when he's alone, he sometimes gets hallucinations - hears noises or voices in the house. When he tells me about them I don't make a big deal out of it - but I'm sure this is a serious problem that needs to be diagnosed. I just know I'm not the person who can tell him what's happening. If I can read about parallel experiences I might get a better understanding of what's going on.

EllaBean My husband tried to end it, I'm not sure what to do now
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My husband recently had a medical event which on its face liked unfortunate or to have a random cause. I found him, called an ambulance and he was treated and all was ok. I thought, though I did have my suspicions. After the event I gently brought up... View more

My husband recently had a medical event which on its face liked unfortunate or to have a random cause. I found him, called an ambulance and he was treated and all was ok. I thought, though I did have my suspicions. After the event I gently brought up my suspicions and he assured me it wasn't the case. Now, a few weeks later, he's admitted it was intentional. I'm so lost with what to do. Because the hospital believed him, he didn't get an MH support or referrals. We're in a new city and he doesn't have a GP yet. We've called around a few psychs, and they have epic waiting lists. He's reluctant to speak to someone, he has trouble opening up. As for me, I'm terrified to leave him alone. He's promised it will never happen again, but he swore it didn't happen in the first place, and that wasn't true. I've never been so scared in my life. And I know it's selfish, but I'm trying really really hard not to think about the fact that he tried to leave like that. That he did it in a way that meant I'd find him. I also think he's sorry I found him in time. I'm so scared that the guilt of what that did to me is a new burden on top of the already crushing ones he's under. I'm looking into a therapist for me. God knows I'm looking into help for him. But this whole situation just seems so unfathomable.

Guest_41458433 Digital & Gambling Addiction Self-Exclusion
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Yes digital and gambling addiction are real but none of the big tech companies are doing anything about it. I asked a fried to please put PARENTAL CONTROLS on all of my devices and it worked. 90 days ago I made a commitment on New Years and the paren... View more

Yes digital and gambling addiction are real but none of the big tech companies are doing anything about it. I asked a fried to please put PARENTAL CONTROLS on all of my devices and it worked. 90 days ago I made a commitment on New Years and the parental controls was the only thing that helped me change my habits. Then I was beginning to wonder why it’s so hard, it’s because big tech companies don’t want us to self-exclude, they rely on our addictions to make profit. It’s too easy to bypass and we need a digital self-exclusion mechanism built into Apple/Microsoft/Google accounts. The App Stores keep making money, so of course they don’t want to implement this. But we need this. Self exclusion from institutions is easy to regulate, but not easy from a digital perspective. Let’s be the people who change this, and get regulators to enforce this with big tech. Are there any politicians who can help us extend self-exclusion into iPhones/Samsung/Tablets in the design of the products??

Long-term support over the journey

A space for regular members to keep in touch and revisit ongoing discussions with more than 100 posts.

Guest_30759493 Mental health conditions supported by NDIS
  • replies: 0

Hi there, I have BPD, anxiety, sevre despressive diosrder, anorexia - restrictive eating (in remission, I slip up on keeping it under control from time-to-time), potentional PMDD (has been recommended by a Psychiatrist I saw for an ADHD disgnosis I g... View more

Hi there, I have BPD, anxiety, sevre despressive diosrder, anorexia - restrictive eating (in remission, I slip up on keeping it under control from time-to-time), potentional PMDD (has been recommended by a Psychiatrist I saw for an ADHD disgnosis I get tested for it), potential ADHD (one appointment with the Psychiatrist wasn't enough but she felt I showed symptoms, also very hard to dignosis as ADHD and BPD have many similarities that cross over) and am medicated for my sevre depression (but I'm getting swapped onto something else because its not working though). I'm looking for help or information around being eligible for Centrelinks Disability Pension and/or NDIS. Any help would be much appriciated, feeling very at a loss and finding work isn't something I have the capacity for and haven't for some time.Thank you!

Guest_98491364 Trusting the Journey
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I've used BB in the past and want to share my experience and what has made me the version of me that strives to be the best version each day.I've battled addictions, anxiety, depression, and PTSD - all of which still impact me to this day, but I have... View more

I've used BB in the past and want to share my experience and what has made me the version of me that strives to be the best version each day.I've battled addictions, anxiety, depression, and PTSD - all of which still impact me to this day, but I have developed the tools to overcome them with a positive attitude. I'm an emotional support facilitator and a NDE survivor amongst many other things. I'm also a father of six that's lost a child.Please feel free to ask questions or reach out to me. I am a man that's always someone described as approachable and I love to help.We can do this, as a community we are stronger.I believe in you as I believe in myself.Trust the Journey.

Guest_82564532 Sparatic drug use and decision-making processes not right
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Hi I have an issue where I go well for weeks and then because i feel no happiness I stupidly make a decision to use drugs to numb the pain I feel. I am a single dad and have alot of depression driving me to make these decisions. I need long term help... View more

Hi I have an issue where I go well for weeks and then because i feel no happiness I stupidly make a decision to use drugs to numb the pain I feel. I am a single dad and have alot of depression driving me to make these decisions. I need long term help and strategies