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Caring for myself and others

Supporting people’s mental health is important, but so is your wellbeing. Learn strategies for caring about yourself and those around you.

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Staying well

Support each other to stay well, from mindfulness, sleep, diet and exercise to reducing drug and alcohol use and coping with difficult emotions.

AllTooWell Coping strategies
  • replies: 3

Hi all, I’m a 47 yo female new to forums. I believe I’m suffering from mild anxiety and depression. Everything I’ve read suggests that I talk to my GP however I don’t feel comfortable to speak to anyone about my mental health just yet. I’m wondering ... View more

Hi all, I’m a 47 yo female new to forums. I believe I’m suffering from mild anxiety and depression. Everything I’ve read suggests that I talk to my GP however I don’t feel comfortable to speak to anyone about my mental health just yet. I’m wondering if anyone has some coping strategies that they can suggest for managing myself until I feel ready to talk to someone?

white knight Are you good enough? low self esteem
  • replies: 6

It's common to have over critical parents that get the balance of praise and criticism wrong. It results in often permanent damage to our mental health and an adult life of deflatedness leading to low chance of finding and maintaining a partner as we... View more

It's common to have over critical parents that get the balance of praise and criticism wrong. It results in often permanent damage to our mental health and an adult life of deflatedness leading to low chance of finding and maintaining a partner as well as happiness is elusive. Low self esteem effects every part of our being with everyone. Our partners often pay the price for our condition because all their eagerness to bring you up to speed where contentment permanently remains, they find their partner drop down again and again. Some years ago I had a serious evaluation of this situation I found myself in. I concluded- yes I knew the source- my mothers excess dominance and criticism even as an adult- her yelling when low voice command would have sufficed and her stubbornness to attend to her own mental health issues (suspected BPD). The question then became- what is the action/s I can take to ensure I have a happier life and patch up the damage? I continued professional appointments but I knew the major change had to come from within. As with the thread "the best praise you'll ever get" I kept patting myself on the back for being simply a good person. Do that often enough and it sinks in and the removal of the culprit in my life a personal choice Sometimes we have to rise above the wrongs being done to us to be where we deserve to be. That then leads to "I am a good person, I'm good enough, I was dealt poor parenting and I've now accepted that it is part of life.. a poor hand dealt. Easier said than done of course, but you have to find that direction in order to achieve. The alternative is to suffer in silence and do nothing. As the saying goes "evil flourishes when good people do nothing". Evil being poor learning behaviours carried on to the next generation combined with lack of praise. Constantly over correcting a dog will see its tail between its legs and timid forever, praise it regularly and it loves life but obeys Low self esteem is not your fault, it can be repaired through persistence and belief in yourself, acceptance that you were mistreated. Parents might say like "I was a bit hard on you" or "I shouldn't have treated you that way" and you can choose to forgive. But without remorse forgiveness is less reachable either way you were always good enough... TonyWK

Train_Rambler Hello New here And ADS suffer
  • replies: 5

Hello I am new here and diagnosed as "High Functioning Autism" Nothing more very off putting of never had this sort of stimming issues in the past like I experienced recently whist on tour on a public place! I was caught stimming by rocking and back ... View more

Hello I am new here and diagnosed as "High Functioning Autism" Nothing more very off putting of never had this sort of stimming issues in the past like I experienced recently whist on tour on a public place! I was caught stimming by rocking and back and forth and wobbling my head around a fairly bit.... Before it was only when I was enjoying my music, now it gone to another dimension! Nothing worse than a fellow passenger noticing me and later show to me how I was stimming and later asking me if I had being drinking! I said coldly, " I being drinking tea, fizz and water...but not alcohol! Good try but no cigar!" After that he back off! A bit of myself, I am rail enthusiast and heavily involved in rail club a who love rail travel and capable of staying up days if I have to to get the full enjoyment off it. People like me has being treated badly because of our odd mannerisms! I often have sensitivity issues and often wear muff to filter out noise around me and I hate storms! My dress is for the weather my travelling conditions and despite trying to fit I still stand out! I tend to a loner due to and got bullied because of being different, but I deal the card I am dealt with the best I can..... I spend my time chasing trains and dreaming of them a well a bit of music, but carefully selected to my past memories! The stims are more intense now lately!

Treatments, health professionals and therapies

Information on a range of different areas, including managing relationships with GPs and psychologists, and finding the right services for you.

Caite Serotonin Syndrome & Histamine Intolerance
  • replies: 0

Hey All, Just wondering if anyone has ever had to detox serotonin and histamine before and what has been your experience? I recently came off my anxiety medication after 5 years and have been flooded with too much of both, I’m just over a week into t... View more

Hey All, Just wondering if anyone has ever had to detox serotonin and histamine before and what has been your experience? I recently came off my anxiety medication after 5 years and have been flooded with too much of both, I’m just over a week into the detox and Im trying very hard to stick to it but it’s been a real struggle Thanks in advance

Faitful79 Psychiatrist
  • replies: 3

Today I got told by the 4th psychiatrist that I have been referred to that they are not taking on new patients and that they don’t have a waiting list so I have to try someone else. I’m so over this. I have paid my GP 4 times now for theses referrals... View more

Today I got told by the 4th psychiatrist that I have been referred to that they are not taking on new patients and that they don’t have a waiting list so I have to try someone else. I’m so over this. I have paid my GP 4 times now for theses referrals and got no where and she won’t put me on medication because of my long mental health history. I’m at a loss for what to do. I’m ready to give up.

BPDgirl88 Got BPD, need some advice…
  • replies: 0

I got BPD and is unsure of what to do, where to get help and what kind of help do one need to cope with this problem., I think distraction is the one of the best way in getting thru that aweful wave… I do feel that mine lasts longer than it should by... View more

I got BPD and is unsure of what to do, where to get help and what kind of help do one need to cope with this problem., I think distraction is the one of the best way in getting thru that aweful wave… I do feel that mine lasts longer than it should by the time it’s about to pass a new one starts… just don’t know how to distract myself when I’m too caught up with the idea of SH and/or suicide… I think I’ve said it before that I’m currently doing DBT group in the community and we’re on the last part of it which is interpersonal relationships… so far I’ve tried doing the skills I’ve learned but I think if I give it time I will get better in using them for when I need it… just haven’t worked out when exactly I should start using these tools., was just wondering if anyone has tried the schema therapy and the mentalisation therapy? Are they both helpful? And will it beneficial for someone who has BPD to do these other therapy? Also, is anyone taking some medications to help alleviate the symptoms? If so, what are they?

Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

suspicious_banana Anxious Attachment in relationship while also dealing with other issues.
  • replies: 1

Hey guys, I am going through a bit at the moment in my current romantic relationship and my relationship with myself. Some support and advice would be great. A few things to note: - I've been diagnosed in the recent weeks with an anxious attachment s... View more

Hey guys, I am going through a bit at the moment in my current romantic relationship and my relationship with myself. Some support and advice would be great. A few things to note: - I've been diagnosed in the recent weeks with an anxious attachment style due to my mum having bipolar when I was growing up.- I have previously been in an abusive relationship previously, I was cheated on, manipulated, guilt tripped, gaslit and so on during it. I was in this relationship for 2 and a half years.- My partner and I work together.- My partner struggles to bring how how she is feeling and her needs, even when asked.- I've learnt recently that my partner is an independent person The story begins: I (21m) met my partner (21f) two years ago, things were great for a start, spent a lot of time together, affection and connection were through the roof. We had a few problems here and there and were able to somewhat comfortably resolve them. Her and her best friend moved in together and I noticed that her best friend was showing signs of jealousy, it ended up have a big impact on our relationship. Her friend had no one else but my partner to spend time with and my partner was always inviting her friend everywhere that we were wanting to go, then I'd be the third wheel (if that makes sense). Her friend would also make me very uncomfortable, glaring at me, ignoring me, isolating herself whenever I was over at their place. I brought this up with my partner many times and every time, she got very defensive about things and was very open about putting her friends needs above mine while also saying some other nasty things, breaking my trust completely. I ended up breaking things off with her for while as she couldn't have a discussion about it/anything without getting defensive, and then we were able to come back a month later and discuss things. Eventually she came to her senses and they had a falling out, and upon her own reflection, she can now understand how toxic that friendship was and how I was "right".

R.Penn Sharehouse difficulties
  • replies: 1

Hi, I have not posted in some time. But my circumstances have improved greatly. I am no longer renting a old caravan and am back living in my old share-house, with my boyfriend. He managed to convince my ex housemate to allow me to move back into the... View more

Hi, I have not posted in some time. But my circumstances have improved greatly. I am no longer renting a old caravan and am back living in my old share-house, with my boyfriend. He managed to convince my ex housemate to allow me to move back into the home and back on the lease agreement.It’s been hard adjusting after the history here with said housemate tho. He has not treated my boyfriend (who is autistic and very kind hearted) with much respect and is pretty inconsiderate self absorbed. I am trying to focus on the positives while I search for employment and wait for psychology appointments, in between trying to do some CBT and staying on my medication for anxiety. I went off meds for a month which I regret as this ended up in me exploding in resentment towards my ex housemate and calling him out as a bully. It was way overdue but he caught me when I just wanted to mind my own business and calm down. He cannot read my mood very well, says he doesn’t want to socialise with us, but then tries to small talk to me and we never do anything outside of the home with him. We are living with a stranger who is 10 years my senior. I am tired of the fake vibes. I am struggling at the moment, my boyfriend gets upset over unexpected changes and then I have to carry the emotions after he has vented to me and then I get resentful again against the housemate who I am not talking to as he has decided to purchase a new motorcycle and now has 5 vehicles on the property. Me and my partner share one car spot under the car port. I park on the road. He is now taking up another street park on the road which leaves me no room to park anywhere. I think these are small frustrating issues (he doesn’t buy dishwashing tabs, or cleaning products or TP for the house ever) but they are annoying because it appears inconsiderate and we also pay more rent as we have 3 rooms now in the house and pay for those. our housemate takes up the rest of the house with his furniture and gets the downstairs area too but he gets to pay a $137 a week which is an absolute steal at the moment with the housing crisis. We pay $435 a week. We just want to feel comfortable in our home which we have a right to spread out too. I am so grateful to have a safe and moderately quiet house in a nice area of the city. But I worry my car is not safe on the street and I will just have to face more trouble because of this housemate. I don’t know is this too petty?

Drew76- grief and depression
  • replies: 1

Hi all just need some help I have being battling depression for the past 20 years and recently i just lost my best friend my mum after a 2 week battle with Multilobar Pneumonia. Can anyone recommend any types of counselling as I have my first born gr... View more

Hi all just need some help I have being battling depression for the past 20 years and recently i just lost my best friend my mum after a 2 week battle with Multilobar Pneumonia. Can anyone recommend any types of counselling as I have my first born grandson born in july and I want to be in his life but i need to get help first

Supporting family and friends

Share tips on supporting a partner, family member or friend with a mental health condition, and seeking support for your own wellbeing.

Cal03 Does my partner still love me?
  • replies: 3

For a bit of context, I feel like I should preface this by saying that up until 4 weeks ago, I thought my partner and I were going to be married in a few weeks time. I thought we were as happy as we had ever been. Since then, she has opened up about ... View more

For a bit of context, I feel like I should preface this by saying that up until 4 weeks ago, I thought my partner and I were going to be married in a few weeks time. I thought we were as happy as we had ever been. Since then, she has opened up about her struggle with a significant depressive episode. She has had less severe episodes in the past, but she says she has never felt like this. She has said she is not in the right place to get married which I am 100% supportive of given where she is at right now. Her way of expressing it was that she sees us getting married in the future, just not in the next month ( as we had planned) When she first started telling about how she was struggling, she started off saying that our relationship was the only part of her life she was confident about, and that the main issues were the enormous stress at work, and that had her questioning her identity as she feels she is not doing well at her job (even though she is amazing at her job). However over a few weeks she has started saying that started saying that she isn't sure what she wants anymore. Over the last few days she has stopped saying I love you. I have reached out to someone for some support and everyone I talk to say that "it's just the depression talking" but I'm starting to question everything. I am so scared that she is going to push me away. I have been trying to just be present for her and not ask questions about where she is at or how she is feeling as I know it is overwhelming for her to answer, but I am really struggling without any reassurance that I am still someone she wants around. I don't want to be selfish, I just want to know that I am doing enough. I am trying to be strong, but I am so worried that she will leave me. How can I navigate this?

MissG999 Frustrated and here to vent a bit
  • replies: 1

Hi, I'm back after a long whileMy partner and I have been together for over 10 years. He has long-term depression and anxiety, needs to be coaxed into even minimal treatment and is in one of his worse phases at the moment.I haven't gotten a full nigh... View more

Hi, I'm back after a long whileMy partner and I have been together for over 10 years. He has long-term depression and anxiety, needs to be coaxed into even minimal treatment and is in one of his worse phases at the moment.I haven't gotten a full nights rest the last 2 days because he can't sleep and keeps waking me up, so I'm feeling crabby and wanted to make a post so I can be less emotional with him today. He always gets less considerate toward me and also more resistant to treatment or general healthy lifestyle practises when his condition is poor. I have a pretty major chronic illness that needs a lot of management myself, so I understand that being unwell can drain you of the energy needed to care for yourself. Despite that, it's so hard, sad and frustrating to see him do little or nothing when there's so much he could do to make things easier on both of us.The only treatment he's on at the moment is melatonin for sleep and a psychiatrist appointment once every 2-3 months. I should be glad he's at least doing that at least, but I suspect he hasn't/isn't telling his doctor about these down periods and how much they affect him. I don't want him to see months of much lower mood and level of functioning as his normal.Sorry for the wordinessIt's a big help knowing this forum is always here and I'm not aloneGM

teamwork Help with Communicating with my husband
  • replies: 3

Hi all,my husband left home a year ago saying he doesn’t have feelings for me anymore. Long story short, he has had all the signs of burn out and depression for a long time but, insists there’s nothing wrong with him. He does not want to get help or ... View more

Hi all,my husband left home a year ago saying he doesn’t have feelings for me anymore. Long story short, he has had all the signs of burn out and depression for a long time but, insists there’s nothing wrong with him. He does not want to get help or talk to anybody about his anger outbursts. He’s taken to alcohol as well, he was an occasional beer drinker. It’s been a really tough year for me. Trying to move forward managing my emotions and also supporting our 3 young children while working full time. My husband and I see each other quite often, when he visits and spends time the kids. lately I have noticed when I talk to him in general about his well-being, work etc - his responses are negative. It’s like he only thinks about things negatively rather than looking at things from another perspective. I sense he has issues with trust as well like he trusts nobody. He often says people don’t really care about you, they only reach out to tick a box of their list because they think they care but really don’t. His communication is very hot and cold. Some days he will text or call but, other days when I text him - I don’t hear from him all day. It does worry me sometimes because I keep thinking the worst. He is the most caring person and some days I can see how much he cares about me in his actions. He’s isolated himself from friends and family. He buries himself in work a lot! I guess I just want to know how best to support him on his hard days especially since he visits home 3-4 times a week and spends time here with our children. For a long time I have suspected he has depression and I want to be there for him and don’t want him to think I have given up on him even though I have chosen move forward with my life with our children after he decided to leave home. any advice is appreciated.

Long-term support over the journey

A space for regular members to keep in touch and revisit ongoing discussions with more than 100 posts.

B3LL3 First Time User, Needing Help
  • replies: 15

Hello, I have taken the step last night to reach out to beyond blue and get the help I really need. It took a long time for me to get to this stage and needing to admit I need the help. I have so many pressing issues which has caused the pain I am in... View more

Hello, I have taken the step last night to reach out to beyond blue and get the help I really need. It took a long time for me to get to this stage and needing to admit I need the help. I have so many pressing issues which has caused the pain I am in today and not really sure the right place to go to. Would love to talk to anyone I can about stuff. Thankyou

quirkywords Do you second guess all your choices and decisions.9
  • replies: 3

I find I second guess all my decisions as I seem to have lost my confidence. if you can make decisions easily how do you do it. In my past I have made many poor decisions so I now second guess each one.

I find I second guess all my decisions as I seem to have lost my confidence. if you can make decisions easily how do you do it. In my past I have made many poor decisions so I now second guess each one.