Caring for myself and others

Frustrated with Squalor

replies: 2

Hi Not sure if this is the correct place, but I am at my wits end living with someone who doesn't see the squalor as an issue. I have recently moved back in with the children's father after more than 20 years separation, as housemates. This came abou... View more

Hi Not sure if this is the correct place, but I am at my wits end living with someone who doesn't see the squalor as an issue. I have recently moved back in with the children's father after more than 20 years separation, as housemates. This came about after he offered me a room, and as i struggle with current rental prices, this works well for me. He doesn't charge me much for board. Before i moved back in, we had the discussion about the state of his house. Filthy is the only word i can use for it. I discussed several issues which he agreed on Fix the water. There was a burst pipe over 10 years ago, and rather than get it fixed, he just would turn the water off at the mains, then turn mains on to have a shower use toilet. It took 12 months for that to happen Fix the electricity. Something went wrong with the electricity several years ago, and has not been fixed. There is no electricity to half the house. Extension cords are run from the lounge to two of the bedrooms for electricity, and we use a torch to use the shower or toilet at night. 2 years in and this still has not been fixed. Cleanliness. I discussed that I could not live in the mess he lives in, and he agreed that I could clean the house and sort it out to however i wanted it There are many issues. Hoarding is one of them. Example. One room i cleaned out you could not open the door for all the stuff. An example is old sheets that are more than 30 years old, faded and dirty. but cant be thrown away in case they might get used. Boxes of stuff packed up in the hallway, mostly paperwork like old catalogues, newsletters etc. The food hoarding is an issue also. Hygiene issues Bathroom ceiling black with mould that try as i might i cannot manage to remove. The bathtub is stained brown with dirt that i cannot remove. The lounge suite is black with dirt and i refuse to sit on it. Carpets are filthy and smell. In fact the whole house smells. Moving on to the kitchen. Stovetop was so thick with grease it could not be used. Benchtops filled with dirty dishes, and covered in cat hair. Recycle rubbish just thrown on floor. Cupboard thick with dirt and mould. Floor filthy with years of built up grease and dirt Oh and i have to mention the holes in the walls where the burst water main has caused rot damage, or the rippling floorboards in my room from the same issue SO I cleaned the kitchen thoroughly, as well as the loungeroom. I truly though that he just needed a hand to get past being overwhelmed with the mess and a little direction to keep on track. I cleaned the pantry out of massive items that were out of date. Made some space and he has now filled it to brimming again. (we have 35 cans of soup in the pantry, for example) The dishes are never done unless i do them. Benches not wiped down of food, can be left like that for days Cats waterbowl is on food prep benches so cat fur always their. I am not allowed to move it Cat food is given to them on paper plates so a bowl does not have to be cleaned. Food is dumped on top of old food for days.. Recycling rubbish is literally just thrown on the floor. Ok. Breathe.... What my issues are He gets angry if I try to get rid of items that are no longer useful He does not clean after himself at all, and doesn’t care about the mess or smell Promises are made to fix things or help me fix it, and it doesn't get done. (money is not an issue btw) How this affects me I am now angry a lot. And resentful of him I feel that i should just move out, however there are financial constraints. and I enjoy being near my kids Im sort of stuck in a freeze mode about the solution, which if i am honest is to move out. I feel obligated to stay as he has been kind financially, not charging me much rent I feel he has not respect for me at all, and I have stupidly let myself believe that cohabitating could be different to when we were in a relationship, and now I'm trapped Honestly, I cannot see a solution here. Why cant he see that there is an issue with the cleanliness and health and safety of this house? How do you get someone to see that they are living in filth, when they don't believe they are? i guess would by my question I am trying to find gratitude, and ways that i can live here and not let it affect my mental health, but I am really struggling on not losing my Zen here Lets see if I am brave enough to hit the post button 🙂

Struggle with job/life?

replies: 2

Hello everyone.I hope you are all well.I find that uploading to these forums is comforting even if I don't get many replies. Just here to vent At the moment I feel like I'm stuck. I think my anxiety is coming back pretty hard and it always hits befo... View more

Hello everyone.I hope you are all well.I find that uploading to these forums is comforting even if I don't get many replies. Just here to vent 🙂At the moment I feel like I'm stuck. I think my anxiety is coming back pretty hard and it always hits before my shifts at work or when I am alone at home. I feel like my lungs close up and it becomes a bit harder to breathe and I just keep thinking about how bad things are/could be when really logically they're not that bad. I got a new part time job working as a kennel cleaner, and I honestly don't mind the work. It is just a simple job where I clean the kennels and finish up. The problem I have is that it is so far to travel, and it takes a chunk of money to travel there and also since I have decided to study to become a human nurse, it doesn't really align with that (previously I wanted to become a vet nurse). I am just struggling with the decision to stay at that job or leave. It is a fine job, good even but it doesn't push me out of my boundaries because it is just cleaning and I am not learning any new skills. But it is very far and means I have to stay one night away from home. I don't seem to be having much luck getting any cleaning or food service positions at hospitals or aged cares near me for exposure to more nursing related things to learn about. What if I regret leaving my current kennel cleaning job? What if I think- "I should have kept that job and I'm an idiot for leaving"? Part of me also feels like if I leave and don't already have a backup job then I'm not good enough because I'm not working properly while I'm at uni. I guess I just have to decide long travel but good enough job VS take a risk closer to home job VS a retail job closer to home VS no job and just do uni. I keep dragging this on in my head and I feel like I'm going crazy- and I can't make a good decision. I would appreciate any advice or input from others. Thanks!

Paranoia and schizoaffective

replies: 15

Hi all I go through periods with my mental health, anxious, depressive, high (elevated) and then when everything becomes overwhelming i get paranoid and sometimes delusions. Im finding this paranoid period particuarly difficult. I think because im al... View more

Hi all I go through periods with my mental health, anxious, depressive, high (elevated) and then when everything becomes overwhelming i get paranoid and sometimes delusions. Im finding this paranoid period particuarly difficult. I think because im also anxious, depressed, isolated, very very unhappy in a job thats oppresive and unsupportive in many ways even though my boss knows my struggles she has been bullying me for a while. My parents are the closest people to me and they just totally disregard all my mental health struggles. They just act like i dont have anything wrong with me. And then they get angry and sometimes emotionally and verbally abusive. What i do to stay well. Exercise. Pray. Read religious text. Eat well. Minimise caffeine. Try and sleep well. Do you have any other tips? I think what makes things harder is i have no friends or social support and havent for years even though i really want to connect. I find it really difficult, tiring, draining to socialise most of the time. I have tried though, i volunteer reguarly, ive joined social groups, been to internet meetups, joined dating sites. Ive even been to some mental health support groups. Im just afraid things are going to get even harder. Thanks for reading.Thx beyond blue for being here.

i think i'm autistic but i'm scared

replies: 2

i think i'm autistic and/or have adhd. but i'm already 21 years old and am working a corporate job. it sounds great to most people, but i call in sick at least once a week & am so burnt out. but i'm now realising that i felt this way in year 12 where... View more

i think i'm autistic and/or have adhd. but i'm already 21 years old and am working a corporate job. it sounds great to most people, but i call in sick at least once a week & am so burnt out. but i'm now realising that i felt this way in year 12 where my perfect attendance and pretty decent grades just plummeted and i barely graduated with a piss poor atar and a barely 40% attendance. the older and more self-aware i get, the harder everyday tasks become and everyone just tells me i'm lazy and that i need to "push through" but i don't think i can do this anymore. i can't afford professional treatment or medication which i believe will improve my quality of life, and i'm so lost and confused. as a young girl i was always so mature and developed so much faster than anymore, and now the older i get i feel like i'm mentally regressing. i'm so scared and i feel like i can't to anyone about it.

Coming off antidepressants

replies: 2

Hello there, I am currently on a six week program to come off an antidepressant after having one psychiatrist double my dose and now a second tell me to come off. I am electing to come off and need to talk to others that may understand. I have done o... View more

Hello there, I am currently on a six week program to come off an antidepressant after having one psychiatrist double my dose and now a second tell me to come off. I am electing to come off and need to talk to others that may understand. I have done one week and five more feels like an eternity at this point.

Mental Health Emergency Response Lines Experiences

replies: 3

Hi I was wondering in the case of needing MHERL or emergency services for a family member going through bipolar disorder and psychosis, how do they respond? If I contact them via phone will they send a mental help team all together or connect me to e... View more

Hi I was wondering in the case of needing MHERL or emergency services for a family member going through bipolar disorder and psychosis, how do they respond? If I contact them via phone will they send a mental help team all together or connect me to emergency services (which is not desirable as treatment in public hospitals is not preferred). I don't really understand these things too well as I am young and am also not authority in my household, so it would be best if I only do these things with precaution and with a full understanding. I know this person needs significant help and others treatment within the household of this person is making their situation worse, leading to the need of external help. My family is not willing to get proper help and are impossible to convince, so now we are in a sticky situation. Please any tips, advice or experiences with getting help from MHERL will help me better understand what to do. Anything is greatly appreciated, cheers

Left behind after a relationship ended due to mental health—struggling on how to cope

replies: 0

Hi everyone,I’m looking for some guidance because I feel really overwhelmed and confused about what the right thing is to do.Recently, someone I care deeply about made the decision today to step away from our relationship because of his mental health... View more

Hi everyone,I’m looking for some guidance because I feel really overwhelmed and confused about what the right thing is to do.Recently, someone I care deeply about made the decision today to step away from our relationship because of his mental health. He explained that when things start to go well in his life, he self-sabotages and isolates from his friends or others close to him, and he was scared of hurting me or putting me through uncertainty while he struggles. He’s had past suicide attempts, significant trauma, substance use in the past, and a lot of negative beliefs about himself whilst living in a very dysfunctional family that fuels those negative thoughts. He’s also expressed that when he’s in a bad headspace, he can shut people out for months at a time, and simply explained he cares about me so much, he doesn’t want to hurt me in the long run. He said this decision came from caring about me and wanting to protect me from the impact of his mental health. Intellectually, I understand that. Emotionally, I’m really struggling.I’m worried about his safety, especially knowing he’s said he’s “not sure” if he’ll be okay, and that he has to actively try not to attempt again. I feel torn between respecting his need for space and feeling scared of leaving him completely alone, I also can’t help but think we could work out if he were to get the help he’s after, as we were highly compatible when together, it’s just mental health impacting us. He can’t see any professional at the moment due to home circumstances and all I want to do is help him navigate it so that he doesn’t struggle everyday, but also so we can stay together. We’ve agreed to occasional check-ins, but there’s no clarity around what that looks like.I’m not coping well. I’ve been emotionally exhausted and feel like I’ve got nothing to look forward to these school holidays as my plan was to have hangouts with him. I’m scared that staying emotionally involved might keep me stuck, but I’m also scared that distancing myself might put him at risk.

Emotionally unavailable boyfriend

replies: 1

Hello everyone. I think I just need a rant. My boyfriend and I met in March 2024 in Europe. He was from Melbourne and I was from QLD. We did long distance for 2 years, and in March this year I moved to Melbourne to be with him finally. I was so excit... View more

Hello everyone. I think I just need a rant. My boyfriend and I met in March 2024 in Europe. He was from Melbourne and I was from QLD. We did long distance for 2 years, and in March this year I moved to Melbourne to be with him finally. I was so excited to finally start my life with him. I have had pretty severe mental struggles throughout our relationship, which causes extreme love/hate mood swings towards him. For this reason I have tried to work through my feelings towards him and stay pretty positive. We had a talk the other day, and he said he doesn't think he knows what love is. He's also completely emotionally unavailable. I asked him what he loves about me, and he says that he likes that I go to the shop and do the grocery shopping because he hates it. And he likes that I cook dinner. I said 'no, what do you love, not like' and that's when he said he doesn't know what love is. He said 'do you want me to say I love your smile or something', as a joke. And maybe I did want him to say he loved my smile. Maybe I wanted him to tell me he loved me for my personality. Or for my eyes. Or for my laugh. I don't want to hear him say he likes that I cook dinner and go grocery shopping. Because those are things that I constantly ask him to come with me to do. He's not going to change. I know, because I asked. 'What would it take for you to WANT to do more. To feel emotions or to feel love' and he said a near death experience. I asked what would happen if we broke up and he said 'these things happen all the time. I'd just keep doing my thing'. I think I need to break up with him. But I moved my whole life, and I'm also struggling through a 'crisis' according to the hospital. But I don't think he will ever change or be able to love me the way I know I deserve. He's not unkind. He gives me hugs and kisses. We get along really well. But I need someone emotionally available. I want someone to show me they love me. To fight for me. To come grocery shopping with me and to make dinner with me. I do love my boyfriend. I love that he feels comfortable. But comfortable is a problem sometimes. Sorry if that didn't make sense, but that's my rant.

Sexless Marriage

replies: 5

I don’t know how to start this. Never posted before and after reading a few conversations similar to my situation I’m thinking, maybe it’s not so bad… or is it more… I don’t want it to get that bad. my husband and I have been married for 10 years and... View more

I don’t know how to start this. Never posted before and after reading a few conversations similar to my situation I’m thinking, maybe it’s not so bad… or is it more… I don’t want it to get that bad. my husband and I have been married for 10 years and we’re only in our mid 30’s. Early on in our relationship I felt a little rejected because my husband had a lower libido and only wanted sex once or twice a week. I had never experienced this and always wanted more but I adjusted my expectations because I loved him. slowly but surely it became once or twice a fortnight, then once or twice a month. More recently, he struggled with keeping an erection up. So it became once every few months. we sought help from a marriage therapist and she sort of helped but he didn’t want to go after 3 sessions. things got slightly better but only for a short period of time. He knows how I feel and I’ve made it clear more than enough times to count. the reason I’m here is because this week just gone I once again made it clear I wanted sex and kind of teased around over a couple of days. Last night at the end of our alternating work week we finally had some time together but he got short and grumpy with our little one, huffed and puffed moping around (which is an instant turn off for me) and then said he has a sore stomach. I went to bed early and he acted shocked as to why. I cried for hours on and off throughout the night. I feel so rejected. I’ve lost weight for him. I’ve been training at the gym for a year and improved by figure. I wear lingerie for him and still nothing feels like it’s enough. I don’t know if I want my life to be like this. I envisioned my life to be filled with laughter, fun and wild sex. Maybe I shouldn’t have lowered my expectations early on. Maybe if we weren’t compatible there it never should have happened. It’s just so hard when you fall in love. I don’t know what I’m asking here. I think I just needed to vent.

Teenage brother struggling with depression and anxiety refuses medication and professional support

replies: 1

Hi,my younger brother has been struggling with depression and anxiety for nearly a year now.It started when he first started saying he would kill himself if my mum tried to make him go to school. He started saying it every morning and would cry and y... View more

Hi,my younger brother has been struggling with depression and anxiety for nearly a year now.It started when he first started saying he would kill himself if my mum tried to make him go to school. He started saying it every morning and would cry and yell if she tried to make him go. After a while it happened so often he stopped going to school. He also now refuses to brush his teeth and won’t go outside. He has a fear of bugs and we have spoken with a psychologist who thinks he has ocd. My mother and I are struggling with knowing how to help him. We have both been seeing someone who helps teenagers with depression but can’t seem to find any ways to help him.He stopped saying the threats as often when we weren’t asking about him going to school. But since he is still young it is a necessary for him to go back at some point.We have been trying to start distance education as that could be a better option but, he has started saying the threats again.I have been really struggling myself as I have harm ocd (fear of suicide) but have been really trying to support him in ways I can like, watching movies together and playing video games together. It just feels like it will never get easier.I’m wondering if anyone has any advice or perspective on how we can help him I would really appreciate it.Thanks

Wife has serious delusions after mania and refuses medication

replies: 22

My wife came out of a manic phase about a week ago. This was only the second manic phase she has had in our marriage of over twenty years. The previous one was over 15 years ago and for the last 15 years, we've led a relatively normal life, with her ... View more

My wife came out of a manic phase about a week ago. This was only the second manic phase she has had in our marriage of over twenty years. The previous one was over 15 years ago and for the last 15 years, we've led a relatively normal life, with her free from medication. This time, she was involuntarily hospitalized, which traumatized her and made her incredibly angry. She blames me indirectly for this. Her previous manic phase came after 7 years of psychiatric treatment for depression. She suffered from strong side-effects during this time and from the medication they gave her for mania and this made her become strongly against western medication of all kinds. She doesn't even take Panadol. So, this time around, she reluctantly took medication while in hospital but has not taken any since leaving. There is zero chance of me convincing her to do so or convince her that she is ill. In her mind, she is channelling and is on line. She now does not have mania, but retains very strong delusions that there is an evil organisation out to get her. She believes they are monitoring her flat and around half the city are employed to watch her and trick her, including cleaners and members of the public. She has zero tendency to self-harm, but she is impossible to live with (we now live apart but see each other daily). Also, it's becoming a problem when she confronts someone sitting next to us in a restaurant in the belief they are a spy sent to watch her. Having said that, she normally leaves when she feels threatened and she isn't a physical threat to anyone. She did leave her flat at 4am this morning to walk the streets because she believed the flat was haunted. She also keeps on throwing her phone away because she thinks she is being tracked. Forced hospitalization is not an option because that would push her towards self-harm and giving up the will to live. This is one thing she has voiced very clearly. I see our only option at this stage as being me monitoring her while she "rides it out." In her previous manic phase, the delusions eventually disappeared without medication over time, but that was.very tough going I crash read, 'I am not sick. I don't need help" over the past week, which details how to use LEAP. I've tried this, but am well away from being able to coax her to take medication as a "partner." Any ideas would be appreciated.

assisting a grandparent

replies: 2

This may be slightly off topic but I could really use some help figuring this out. I've known my grandma had dementia for a bit now, but I've only just realised how bad dementia is for people due to a bit of research. My mum has always been stressed ... View more

This may be slightly off topic but I could really use some help figuring this out. I've known my grandma had dementia for a bit now, but I've only just realised how bad dementia is for people due to a bit of research. My mum has always been stressed about it and now I realise why - it is so distressing for the person with dementia and those around them. I haven't been visiting her as much as I'm busy, and I feel horrible. I never realised how hard it is and I feel so upset for her - I'd do anything to help her feel better.What do I do?

My sister has gone to jail

replies: 1

My sister has gone to jail and I am worried sick about her as this is her first time I have done nothing but cry. We lost our mum last year and now my sister is locked up I don't know how she is going to cope not having us around I'm so scared for he... View more

My sister has gone to jail and I am worried sick about her as this is her first time I have done nothing but cry. We lost our mum last year and now my sister is locked up I don't know how she is going to cope not having us around I'm so scared for her

Life

replies: 2

Hi. I’ve been feeling emotionally numb for about a week. I’ve lost interest in everything and I don’t feel like myself. I’m overwhelmed by stress from my relationship, work, money, and feeling stuck in life. I’ve had thoughts that life isn’t worth li... View more

Hi. I’ve been feeling emotionally numb for about a week. I’ve lost interest in everything and I don’t feel like myself. I’m overwhelmed by stress from my relationship, work, money, and feeling stuck in life. I’ve had thoughts that life isn’t worth living, but I don’t have a plan or intention to harm myself. I’m overthinking everything and don’t really want to talk to people I know, but I don’t want to keep carrying this alone.

Compulsive liar, coming clean

replies: 2

Hello,I just confessed a long history of compulsive lying to my partner and family. I feel like I have been building to this day for so many years and it feels somewhat airy to have finally done it. The lies range from trivial to seriouse, for exampl... View more

Hello,I just confessed a long history of compulsive lying to my partner and family. I feel like I have been building to this day for so many years and it feels somewhat airy to have finally done it. The lies range from trivial to seriouse, for example I will lie about what I had for lunch that day for no good reason to exaggerating injuries to gain sympathy/ support. The pain I have caused my partner is immense and taking responsibility on that has been daunting. I think this is the strat of a very long journey for both of us. I am determined to change and become a better person. I am also committed to supporting my Partner in any decision they make from here. The acceptance that they may choose to leave is scary but I understand now how by lying I took that choice away from them. Reading these forums has been so useful in starting to understand the scale of the problem I have. So I thought I would share to hopfuly give one more example to someone who needs it that things can change. I know I am along way from even begin to heal the damage I have caused but I feel hope for the first time in a while. Thanks!

Frustrated with Squalor replies: 2

Struggle with job/life? replies: 2

Paranoia and schizoaffective replies: 15

i think i'm autistic but i'm scared replies: 2

Coming off antidepressants replies: 2

Mental Health Emergency Response Lines Experiences replies: 3

Left behind after a relationship ended due to mental health—struggling on how to cope replies: 0

Emotionally unavailable boyfriend replies: 1

Sexless Marriage replies: 5

Teenage brother struggling with depression and anxiety refuses medication and professional support replies: 1

Wife has serious delusions after mania and refuses medication replies: 22

assisting a grandparent replies: 2

My sister has gone to jail replies: 1

Life replies: 2

Compulsive liar, coming clean replies: 2