Immediate support
Immediate support

Caring for myself and others

Supporting people’s mental health is important, but so is your wellbeing. Learn strategies for caring about yourself and those around you.

Start a discussion
Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Categories
Staying well

Support each other to stay well, from mindfulness, sleep, diet and exercise to reducing drug and alcohol use and coping with difficult emotions.

string_cheese Confused morally
  • replies: 4

Hey there BBers, Simple question I'm so interested to hear what other people, especially people with mental illness experience think of this one. Is it better to be who you are or who you should be?

Hey there BBers, Simple question I'm so interested to hear what other people, especially people with mental illness experience think of this one. Is it better to be who you are or who you should be?

Guest_01914878 Existential thoughts
  • replies: 4

Writing this to see if anyone relates. Lately I’ve been pondering about what my future should hold and whether there is any point in working towards something. I’m extremely down-to-earth, as me being an atheist is evidence of. I believe that there i... View more

Writing this to see if anyone relates. Lately I’ve been pondering about what my future should hold and whether there is any point in working towards something. I’m extremely down-to-earth, as me being an atheist is evidence of. I believe that there is no purpose in life, and that we are simply just the interaction between molecules. In a large universe, we’re so small and insignificant that following a belief around an anthropocentric idea (religion) seems almost incomprehensible to me. I feel if not for the guilt of harming my parents and friends mentally, I would gladly take my life, as I find there’s no reason to bother living. Not like my life is under any extenuating circumstances (which probably sounds ridiculous as most cases of suicide are from those who suffer pain).There are various aspects of life that others seem to find enough to keep them in this life (excluding the natural fear of death as biological evolution has given us). Those could be normal desires in our society such as money, fame or love, or they could be motivated by altruism (not just by directly helping people but also by inventions or advancing science, etc). However, none of those feel like it’s worth living for. I couldn’t care less about society, and why should I care about getting anything from this life when in the end I’ll just die and disappear. Sometimes I daydream about if my parents died, then I would like to think that I would be free to kill myself (don’t take this as a sign that I would harm my parents in any way). I would imagine every little detail, such as what to write in my suicide note, how to guarantee death, etc.The only real motivator/desire I have is not to upset my parents, as they care for me very deeply (and clearly I still have some tinge of empathy as I worry about their agony as a result, even if I died, which sounds ridiculous). Thus I study, but recently it’s been harder to get myself to work. I’ve always done well academically, so the lingering thought always resurfaces, that I could probably get away with not applying myself and still end up with a good job and all. I rambled a little, and I have no intentions of killing myself just to set the record straight. Let me know if anyone relates to some of what I said.

SEL Overwhelmed by toxic people
  • replies: 5

I'm writing this as I find putting down my thoughts helps me. Over the last few years I have found myself becoming increasingly angry with my dealings with people and situations where I now want to withdraw from the world. I'm a retired customer serv... View more

I'm writing this as I find putting down my thoughts helps me. Over the last few years I have found myself becoming increasingly angry with my dealings with people and situations where I now want to withdraw from the world. I'm a retired customer service representative who was used to dealing with a variety of people, mainly good clients, yet the bad ones and the nature of the job (in health) burnt me out. The management also gave very new staff extra roles, which were at the same pay rate, over longer term capable staff, with us having to advocate strongly to increase our knowledge, but we were inexplicably met with resistance. I kept telling myself not to worry about it, just do my job, yet it really got to me. The centre had a very high turnover, some staying 3 months to a year. Some staff "disappeared" and some received thanks for their service. I lasted 2 and a half years. After a family double death of elderly in-laws and then me having an epileptic episode of the amnesia kind, I felt that I couldn't continue in the job, so I resigned. Rightly or wrongly, I felt very hard done-by by management, and for months before leaving I had nightly nightmares. I was one of the "disappeared" as when I emailed a colleague to say goodbye, she was shocked to learn that I'd left. Being on epilepsy medication, I don't know if it caused issues or if it was my thinking, or a combination of both. An earlier medication that the doctor said may make me feel grumpy, made me feel 'wonky' and when someone upset me, I became so angry. Luckily, I didn't show this in the workplace? After leaving the job, it took me months to get over my anger. During the last two years, my husband and I have had issues with two neighbours that I previously wrote about. One, being alleged criminals who the police seem to be on a catch and release mission from time to time. We steer clear of them letting sleeping dogs lie. Even now in the early hours of the morning, I can hear them in the yard. Maybe another car for the police to tow away? The other neighbour excavated up to our fence line which backs onto a Right of Way, not on their side of their property. They have undermined our soil and fence causing erosion. The council checked it but as the excavation is under a certain height, the council says it's now a civil matter. Recently I asked the woman to reinstate the land. She said a gully had always been there - untrue; that no excavation had been done - we saw the bobcat and her husband had told a tradesman in front of me that he had done it; they had council approval - untrue. Lie, deny, fabricate, distract. As in a horror movie when an evil spirit is absorbed into an innocent victim, I felt physically rotten to the core, as I was angry and it was so unjust, selfish and entitled. After a week, though still angry, at least the rotten feeling has dissipated. The woman said that I am the common denominator with having issues with 2 neighbours, and it could look that way, even to me, yet we haven't done anything to cause issues, only issues have been thrust onto us. After this 'meeting', we will unfortunately have to go through with legal action, as if we fix the fence and land ourselves, they will still be out there digging gutters undermining the land and fence, so it may lead to obtaining an Apprehended Personal Violence Order against them. I am reluctant to venture into our yard as the woman and her husband are always around with them telling us we should do this and that with our land. I won't even let my grandchildren play there as I'm concerned that they will be yelled at. I wish we didn't have to deal with them at all! And though I wish to be off this planet, these people are totally not worth it. Oh, and lastly, whilst watching a movie tonight where an actress wore a similar dress to one that I have, my darling husband brought up that when going out with him, I should wear makeup and look better, AND that ten years ago, a husband of his sister, who is now in his 90's, said I should have worn a better outfit to a family wedding!! Can you believe it!! I told my husband if he likes makeup, then he can wear it himself. And saying all this to a woman who has had issues with her looks since the age of 4.

Treatments, health professionals and therapies

Information on a range of different areas, including managing relationships with GPs and psychologists, and finding the right services for you.

Wishiweresmarte Advice regarding treatments for self harm
  • replies: 2

Hello,When I was in high school I used to self harm. I haven't done it or felt the urge to do it for several years now but the scars it's caused have been a horrible burden on my mind and one that just refuses to heal or be forgotten for any longer t... View more

Hello,When I was in high school I used to self harm. I haven't done it or felt the urge to do it for several years now but the scars it's caused have been a horrible burden on my mind and one that just refuses to heal or be forgotten for any longer than a day, and I was wondering if anyone had either the experience or knowledge to point or guide me in the right direction to have them treated.Thank you.

Guest_34496110 Believe my husband is showing narsistic behaviours
  • replies: 2

Hi. I am hoping to connect with others who may be able to give me support. My husband over the years is becoming very verbally agressive when he is asked to perform simple tasks around the house. These tasks are sometimes many years in the waiting an... View more

Hi. I am hoping to connect with others who may be able to give me support. My husband over the years is becoming very verbally agressive when he is asked to perform simple tasks around the house. These tasks are sometimes many years in the waiting and he says numerous times he will do it…such as put roof screws on the house that are two years outstanding…I cannot do this and he refuses to pay so someone to do it. When it was mentioned recently he stated well you find someone to do it and tell me how much that will cost you. He does not like being asked to do simple things and gets quite verbally nasty and then later on gets the shits with me because I don’t engage in conversation. He is very manipulative but now I have had enough.

Guest_10319 Feeling unsettled
  • replies: 3

I suffer from CPTSD and am in my sixties now. I engaged with a psychologist this morning (for the first time with them) and they went through the confidentiality guidelines. Now, my anxiety is in overdrive. Can my psychologist report my childhood abu... View more

I suffer from CPTSD and am in my sixties now. I engaged with a psychologist this morning (for the first time with them) and they went through the confidentiality guidelines. Now, my anxiety is in overdrive. Can my psychologist report my childhood abuse to the authorities? I was clear about only wanting to talk to someone, and that one of my abusers has passed away and the other is in their eighties.I'm not in danger, and neither is anyone else, so am I right in believing nothing can be reported?

Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

Guest_14017005 Fifopartner
  • replies: 0

Hi to whoever is reading this I wanted to know if anyone else is struggling like I am… I moved to Brisbane in 2024 and met my now partner soon after, we have been living together and growing together since then. 8 months ago he started doing fifo (2 ... View more

Hi to whoever is reading this I wanted to know if anyone else is struggling like I am… I moved to Brisbane in 2024 and met my now partner soon after, we have been living together and growing together since then. 8 months ago he started doing fifo (2 weeks on, 1 off) I have tried my best to be supportive and I know he has goals he wants to achieve but I am struggling so much being away from each other. Him changing jobs isn’t an option, me going out there isn’t right now, I really struggle on the first few days… I really miss him and I feel sad, I feel angry, I feel upset, by the time he gets home I feel like I put walls back up, I resent him and I struggle to get the connection back the way it was, by the time he leaves again everything is good, but it’s a constant loop and I’m happy then sad and I want to know if anyone else has felt like this? I don’t have family here, hardly any friends, it’s very lonely, I’ve tried putting myself out there but it’s like dating trying to make friends in your 30s. I also do try and keep busy but I have no motivation for anything when he’s gone. I also do work full time so I have routine but I am very unhappy. Any advice would really be appreciated

blues23 Difficulty knowing where I stand
  • replies: 1

I went on a holiday trip with my family 3/4 days in it fell apart my child and that of my family members child mucking around my daughter doing something mean ( i didn’t see half the things as I missed half or wasn’t present apparently my child start... View more

I went on a holiday trip with my family 3/4 days in it fell apart my child and that of my family members child mucking around my daughter doing something mean ( i didn’t see half the things as I missed half or wasn’t present apparently my child started stuff and then the other child got in trouble for it I didn’t know that my child started it ) I told my child to stop being mean and keep her distance and stuff my family member said that they would go do separate activities to reduce the tension all fine they also mentioned that if my child mucks up again my child would be blocked by my family members kids , ( later denied saying this ) also told me my child was untouchable / on last their legs & they just have to put up and accept my child behaviour because she is she and is untouchable/ all things upset me & my child as I said we would go home from trip as I felt uncomfortable cause my child was acting up I was told I was blowing things out of proportion, overreacting ( I do this all the time when my daughter does something or is mentioned to be in trouble ( from what I remember my family member has never mentioned anything about my daughters behaviour to me and if they do or have I address it with my daughter) I told family member that if she does something and I’m not around or in the toilet to tell her to stop. My family member after our day of separated activities after I’d already told my daughter off and kept her separate for a few days & she’s apologised/ me too had apologised/ my daughters got told by my family member she was acting like a cow during her behaviour towards my family members kid I stopped this from escalating/ I don’t think my daughter heard what was said to her / on return home my family members pets were at my home being looked after by someone else in my home the pets had vomited over my child’s Xmas present/ pooped and made a general mess of my house/ I said as a passing comment maybe even a conversation starter : or even a comment to myself that it would take me 6 weeks to clean it / family member snapped at me told me to stop dramatising so I replied I was just saying and left them to their devices went out to my car and started taking stuff out and keeping out of family members way, family member continued to clean even though I asked to stop & leave. After returning home been few days family member has been distant I send txt they send thumbs up only reply when they want something or need something . I don’t know where I stand it looks to me they don’t want us around I miss my family member but I’m also like thumbs up what does that mean am I getting silenced / Should I just let it go and not bother them anymore . I’m pretty hurt by things I’m sure family member is too but don’t know what to do or if I should bother anymore.

Guest_84117953 My daughter refuses to see me
  • replies: 1

My ex husband and I seperated 3.5yrs ago. We share 50/50 custody of our two daughters, aged 7.5 & 9.5yrs old.Our eldest has always had a closer bond with her Dad, and believes that the separation was my fault. I'm aware that her Dad inadvertently sup... View more

My ex husband and I seperated 3.5yrs ago. We share 50/50 custody of our two daughters, aged 7.5 & 9.5yrs old.Our eldest has always had a closer bond with her Dad, and believes that the separation was my fault. I'm aware that her Dad inadvertently supports this belief.After we seperated, my ex manipulated a close female friend to side with him, and she now frequently cares for my children during his time with them, along with her own two children, who have their own trauma and behavioural disorders. There have been times when my eldest child has been resistive to spending time with me. She has fewer rules around screen time, bed time, and her best friend lives next door at her Dad's place.Recently things have escalated, and she is currently refusing any contact with me.Her Dad and I are currently in the final stages of financial settlement, and she believes that I am forcing him to sell his house & taking all his money. She also has problems with school refusal, that he manages very poorly. I am unsure of how to regain my child's trust. I miss my baby.

Supporting family and friends

Share tips on supporting a partner, family member or friend with a mental health condition, and seeking support for your own wellbeing.

Sammy Help with daughter
  • replies: 2

Please help my daughter is 21 and I have noticed she was slowly withdrawing from me, irritated easily and hence I left her to her boyfriend and friends. At year 8 she seperated from her dad and lived with me. At year 11 I found a vape and alcohol in ... View more

Please help my daughter is 21 and I have noticed she was slowly withdrawing from me, irritated easily and hence I left her to her boyfriend and friends. At year 8 she seperated from her dad and lived with me. At year 11 I found a vape and alcohol in her room and I believed when she said it was her friends. I trusted she is not that type. After 4 years now I took her for lunch and connected. She said she did vape but not much now, using weed but not regular, using alcohol whenever with friends and started an SSRI medication. Her dad has bipolar disorder and psychosis. How should I help. She lives between my house and her boyfriends. He is also using weed now as fun time and noticed he is seemingly restless and anxious compared to few months before. I myself need support and a sensitive person. Finding it hard to cope with these

Sal I'm very depressed and constantly anxious alcoholic brother.
  • replies: 4

Every afternoon my middle-aged brother starts drinking and doesn't stop until he is so drunk he can barely walk. He gets very verbally abusive. He also tries to be physically intimidating. We have both been raised by a narcistic mother. He too is ver... View more

Every afternoon my middle-aged brother starts drinking and doesn't stop until he is so drunk he can barely walk. He gets very verbally abusive. He also tries to be physically intimidating. We have both been raised by a narcistic mother. He too is very narcistic. I live with my mother and brother on the same property. Every day I live in fear of what's going to happen. Im 50 years of and live with them because my my mother needs me to pay her part of her mortgage or she looses the house. She calls this rent. I'm so anxious and depressed. I feel emotionally exhausted after having to live like this for the last 15 years. I can't afford to rent anywhere else and have been made to feel guilty if I mention I'm upset about my situation to my mother and brother. I don't know what to do. Frightened I'm going to have a mental breakdown.

Guest_33680115 Support for parent of a teen criminal
  • replies: 2

I’m looking for someone who’s been through parenting a child who’s committed crimes. My 14yo has been caught up in the violent crimes that have taken over Melbourne. He’s from a loving (single parent) home but has fallen into the wrong group and has ... View more

I’m looking for someone who’s been through parenting a child who’s committed crimes. My 14yo has been caught up in the violent crimes that have taken over Melbourne. He’s from a loving (single parent) home but has fallen into the wrong group and has committed some horrific crimes. His crime spree lasted about 4 weeks where he was arrested 3 times. After his 3rd arrest he was remanded to parkville and has not been granted bail - it’s been over a month. After the 2nd failed attempt at bail he’s completely shut down, refusing any communication with lawyers, youth justice, me, other family members. My heart is absolutely breaking. Prior to his 1st arrest I had sought out help for 12 months from any agency I could because I could see him becoming disengaged and all told me he didn’t qualify because he wasn’t “bad enough”. After the last arrest I was told he didn’t qualify because the charges were too serious. I’m one of the most hated parents in Melbourne right now and I have to put on a brave face each day for my other kids but I’m broken inside. I’m scared to go to the shops in case someone sees me and says something. I’m scared somebody will say something to my other kids. I’m scared him being in custody this long will ruin him. It’s just me and my kids and I’m struggling to hold down a full time job, parent my other kids and support him through this. Not having anyone to talk to who understands is really hard.

Long-term support over the journey

A space for regular members to keep in touch and revisit ongoing discussions with more than 100 posts.

Fadinghope I am unwell, will I ever get better and a mistake made has triggered a daily rumination
  • replies: 4

I am 52 and I have been unwell for the past 10 years. I have been diagnosed with PTSD, ADHD but essentially I believe it is a form of perimenopausal extreme anxiety (intrusive thoughts). This results in a daily visceral sensation of complete fear. Fo... View more

I am 52 and I have been unwell for the past 10 years. I have been diagnosed with PTSD, ADHD but essentially I believe it is a form of perimenopausal extreme anxiety (intrusive thoughts). This results in a daily visceral sensation of complete fear. For the past 10 years. I am a single mother with 2 teenage daughters. I have tried multiple therapies and medications. I've have just discovered I have a life long endocrine condition which is associated with severe MH and severe physical health issues. Most people with this condition are sub employed (sorry horrible term, but its effective in describing it). I am now on daily injections (just started) . Over the past 10 years I have left an abusive marriage, experienced post separation abuse. All whilst running a successful business helping others. This work was a distraction and was the only time I felt free-ish from the symptoms. I used to value this work. This past year I discovered an administrative error in my business. I had missed a renewal (and a third entity had also missed it) which resulted in me needing to take steps to address the issue. This was not a reflection of my direct work with people. Just the admin side. I was already unwell and exhausted when this discovery was made. So I became even more unwell in that period. This whole experience has completely obliterated any sense of self I was desperately holding onto. It has also triggered a remembrance of mistakes Ive made with people in the past - there are two - where I let people down in a friendship for example. I can not shake the intrusive thoughts and rumination. And the associated sense fear and terror. It's quite extreme and not rational. I appreciate that many would say "gosh you were going through so much, of course you missed the renewal, especially with the ADHD, trauma and now we know the illness was there as well (this illness impacts my energy and cognitive function such as memory) " however for some reason this kinder approach simply doesn't penetrate my consciousness. Also people, have said "You are so honest, many would find that error and not do anything about it" Not me. I am honest and it was imperative that I addressed it. I could not stand t not address it. My intrusive thoughts include; 1. Have I missed something that will come at me from left of field again. (I had NO IDEA this was festering as a problem? I have done my best to put in place greater procedures etc now. But I can't shake the sensation that something else is coming. 2. I am going to stop working on this field. I have been wanting to do so for many years however I could not as it was my main source of income. I have capacity now to take moment and find another way to earn an income. I worry though that people will think "Oh she left when she made that bad error." - insert feelings of shame. Also am I ever going to be well enough to work again. (I have no choice at this stage) 3. Will I ever get better? 4. How do I live with the feelings of guilt and remorse that are disproportionate to what's happened.

crumbly_rain I feel like my depression will never get better
  • replies: 4

I've been struggling with anxiety and depression for years now and it never seems to get better. everytime I start new meds I feel better for like a week and then it's back to it. I know that's how meds work but it's still frustrating to get a taste ... View more

I've been struggling with anxiety and depression for years now and it never seems to get better. everytime I start new meds I feel better for like a week and then it's back to it. I know that's how meds work but it's still frustrating to get a taste of what my life could be like. I've done therapy and counselling and all that but I can never make myself believe I'll get better, which is probably why they don't work. I think about suicide all the time but I feel like my depression isn't bad enough to make me actually do it. I sometimes wish my life would get worse so I could finally get it over with. even when my depression isn't as bad as usual I still feel like I'm just pushing back my inevitable suicide. like no matter what I do it'll eventually happen and I'm just prolonging it. because I feel like I'll never get better, I spend all my time hoping I'll just die. even if I do get better, I'll probably never be "normal" so it's hard to even care. I've heard of being passively suicidal but I feel like this might be more than that idk tho.

james-i Planning on driving a car with ASD
  • replies: 4

Hey,It's James here (now 20 turning 21 this year) with ASDI'm planning on saving money to buy my car so I can drive it only on a farm (with no public access) with my support personIf your any questions please askThanks

Hey,It's James here (now 20 turning 21 this year) with ASDI'm planning on saving money to buy my car so I can drive it only on a farm (with no public access) with my support personIf your any questions please askThanks