How can I help my 20yo son?

[Ranga-1]

Hi. My 20yo son is showing signs of depression. He is not working at the moment and not doing much by way of job hunting. He has expressed interest in doing online TAFE study, but his dad and I are encouraging him to find some part-time work.

I asked him last night if he was losing confidence in himself and he said he was. How can I support him and assist him? I am thinking of suggesting some volunteer work - this will help him see his worth and it can be rewarding, as well as giving him some transferrable workplace skills. 

He does not drive because of a medical condition. However, he is considering speaking to his neurologist for a certificate declaring him as having been seizure-free for a certain time, and then going for his learner's permit. We are in a rural area with limited public transport options 

I spoke with my own psychologist yesterday and she advised me to continue to be supportive, which I am doing, notwithstanding it gets so frustrating that I want to scream GET A JOB at him. This can be counterproductive because if he CAN'T get work, that's extra pressure. I would like to see him applying at least. 

Any suggestions and stories would be so appreciated for this very worried mum.

[white knight]

Hi,welcome 

I'm 68yo and at 17yo joined the RAAF, at 21yo joined the Victorian prison service and so on. In the past I had a step son and at 20yo he wasn't motivated to get work. "What for" he'd say as his mum would not counter the attitude. However every person is different and rural area, depression are two major issues that would distort any determination.  But I mention this in that I share your frustration. 

Sometimes situation can increase depression.  In my experience boredom, lack of sports, hobbies, interests, difficulty socialising, finances or finding a girlfriend can all play their roll in foiling the potentially good days. Then the snowball has started to roll. The motivation then can only come from him hence where you are now.

Has he got a passion? If he looked for the ideal job what would it be? Due to health issues many jobs are out of contention and one needs a drving license most times.

I'm not a lover of any education course at this point as I've seen many do them at cost and in your case inconvenience only to possibly find hes left in the same situation years later.

Both your suggestion of getting a part time job has the best merit now. There are so many advantages. Once he's settled into one a small amount for fuel should be charged. He needs to accept that nothing comes free and there is an onus on everyone to pay their way- it's life. Bank mum and dad has to end. 

Volunteer work is an activity that will go on his resume. Many depressed people do it. I'm among several community Champions here that all volunteer several hours a week online to help others. Zero pay. I've been doing it for 12 years. Is he in the CFA?

I'd like to talk more, I'm here daily. Reply anytime.

TonyWK