Immediate support
Immediate support

Supporting family and friends

Share tips on supporting a partner, family member or friend with a mental health condition, and seeking support for your own wellbeing.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Categories
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

Sophie_M Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?
  • replies: 2

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents... View more

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Carmela Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience
  • replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel s... View more

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

All discussions

Start a discussion

Guest_33680115 Support for parent of a teen criminal
  • replies: 2

I’m looking for someone who’s been through parenting a child who’s committed crimes. My 14yo has been caught up in the violent crimes that have taken over Melbourne. He’s from a loving (single parent) home but has fallen into the wrong group and has ... View more

I’m looking for someone who’s been through parenting a child who’s committed crimes. My 14yo has been caught up in the violent crimes that have taken over Melbourne. He’s from a loving (single parent) home but has fallen into the wrong group and has committed some horrific crimes. His crime spree lasted about 4 weeks where he was arrested 3 times. After his 3rd arrest he was remanded to parkville and has not been granted bail - it’s been over a month. After the 2nd failed attempt at bail he’s completely shut down, refusing any communication with lawyers, youth justice, me, other family members. My heart is absolutely breaking. Prior to his 1st arrest I had sought out help for 12 months from any agency I could because I could see him becoming disengaged and all told me he didn’t qualify because he wasn’t “bad enough”. After the last arrest I was told he didn’t qualify because the charges were too serious. I’m one of the most hated parents in Melbourne right now and I have to put on a brave face each day for my other kids but I’m broken inside. I’m scared to go to the shops in case someone sees me and says something. I’m scared somebody will say something to my other kids. I’m scared him being in custody this long will ruin him. It’s just me and my kids and I’m struggling to hold down a full time job, parent my other kids and support him through this. Not having anyone to talk to who understands is really hard.

Sophie_M Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?
  • replies: 2

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents... View more

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Soberlicious96 Sick of being everybody's reminder person
  • replies: 1

I am so sick and tired of people asking ME to do stuff for THEM that they should be doing for themselves. I am not their keeper. They are fully grown, capable adults who seemingly cannot be bothered to organise their own schedules. Perhaps I should s... View more

I am so sick and tired of people asking ME to do stuff for THEM that they should be doing for themselves. I am not their keeper. They are fully grown, capable adults who seemingly cannot be bothered to organise their own schedules. Perhaps I should start charging them a fee for being their personal assistant! Seriously! I mean, how hard is it to set your own alarm or put something on your own calendar??? Sometimes this mental load that I seem to end up carrying for others is just too much.

Aymee Supporting a depressed partner
  • replies: 3

My partner (30M) has suffered depression for as long as he can remember and is also currently going through the autism/adhd diagnosis process. He struggles with alcohol and cannabis use. This year so far he has had three serious suicidal bouts where ... View more

My partner (30M) has suffered depression for as long as he can remember and is also currently going through the autism/adhd diagnosis process. He struggles with alcohol and cannabis use. This year so far he has had three serious suicidal bouts where myself and his family had serious concerns for his wellbeing. He is seeing a therapist and was taking meds. He’s stopped taking them after 3 weeks and stated he’s only going to therapy because we are fixing him and that it’s useless and a waste of time/money. we have a young child and I’m growing increasingly concerned about his capacity to care for them and concerned about his behaviours. At what point do we try other things? Discuss inpatient places? Myself and his family believe we shave tried all the first steps here - GP, therapist, psych, meds etc. but at a loss as to what now? any advice appreciated.

NonnyMouse How to cope when no practical help is available or accessible?
  • replies: 1

Hi, first time poster here. You know those cliff climbers who are all tethered together in case one falls? I feel like the one at the top and everyone below me has lost their footing, so I'm carrying the weight of everyone's mental health struggles a... View more

Hi, first time poster here. You know those cliff climbers who are all tethered together in case one falls? I feel like the one at the top and everyone below me has lost their footing, so I'm carrying the weight of everyone's mental health struggles and I can't let go or we'll all fall. I have three kids raging from teen to adult and each one has a different presentation of neurodivergence. Between them they are cycling between anxiety, PTSD, depression, self harm, suicidal ideation, school refusal. Two have health issues on top of that. Each day I'm on edge waiting for the next crisis, trying to keep them alive, be their therapist, help them meet their basic needs when everything else is too hard. None of them has had success with medication or therapy (one refuses, one has treatment resistant depression and gets bad side effects to most medications, and the other gets regular therapy but it doesn't seem to be helping). I have my own issues as well (health related) but I am stuck in survival mode dealing with one crisis after another and I have dropped all friends and social activities because my mind has no space for it, I pretty much do nothing except go to work and come home. School and doctors have said "have you tried calling XYX place for support?" but all that seems to be on offer is handholding and sympathy, which doesn't help me feel any less overwhelmed. Can anyone relate? I'd love to hear what has helped you.

jane_1 can someone love me properly if they dont love themselves?
  • replies: 3

Hi all, To give you some context, i have been with my partner for 2.5 years. When we first starting dating they had anxiety ( i do too and we bonded over this, feeling we understood eachother), but over the years they have been diagnosed by their psy... View more

Hi all, To give you some context, i have been with my partner for 2.5 years. When we first starting dating they had anxiety ( i do too and we bonded over this, feeling we understood eachother), but over the years they have been diagnosed by their psychologist with pure OCD and struggles with depression. Although i experience my own mental health difficulties, i have never experienced depression so i dont fully understand how hard it is. But my partner sadly, hates themselves, and no matter how hard i love them its not enough to make them love themself. My partner is also not engaging in therapy consistently and prioritises their student life (which is a driver and exacerbates their depression due to feeling inadequate and incompetent). I have tried many times to encourage them to book many sessions in (as i know how booked up psychs get) but they dont do it. I dont even think they are doing ERP (exposure therapy - gold standard for OCD). Because they are so consumed in their own head, they are often low when we are together, or forget about me and has it a toll on me. As someone who has a very high emotional deprivation and defective schema myself (currently doing schema therapy), i am someone who needs to be shown how much someome loves me. They have told me that sometimes they just cant give anymore. I love this person so much but i dont know if this relationship is doomed. Recently, i have been contemplating whether it would be better for them to work on themselves without being in a relationship, to heal themselves. But can they work on themselves alongside me? I feel very lost. If you have any sort of experience with this or advice, i would appreciate it so much.

Miilicent Mother and Son Anxiety/Depression
  • replies: 1

After a failed tapering attempt I'm back up to my regular dosage of meds was feeling better but now my anxiety/depression has returned. Having my 26year old son, who lives at home, having anxiety/depression doesn't help. I've got my husband who is tr... View more

After a failed tapering attempt I'm back up to my regular dosage of meds was feeling better but now my anxiety/depression has returned. Having my 26year old son, who lives at home, having anxiety/depression doesn't help. I've got my husband who is trying his best to understand and support. We're both on meds and seeing psychologists. Its a hard situation at the moment, I guess I just want to know I'm not alone.

Gambit87 Supporting my partner with a eating disorder.
  • replies: 1

Hey everyone! Its been a long time since I've posted on here! Long story short, my partner has an eating disorder due to severe childhood trauma. Up until a few months ago she was fairly balanced. Going to the gym, eating relatively healthy and bingi... View more

Hey everyone! Its been a long time since I've posted on here! Long story short, my partner has an eating disorder due to severe childhood trauma. Up until a few months ago she was fairly balanced. Going to the gym, eating relatively healthy and binging/purging fairly irregularly. She was on the cusp of deep diving into her past traw However, Stress is a big trigger for her - right now she's working in youth community services and she is studying and has been under alot of pressure. She has essentially gone back to the only coping strategy she has known her whole life - binge eating alot then purging. She feels very intense shame when she does it. She is on the cusp of changing to a job with part time hours soon so im hoping things will settle down and she can take some time out for her self. From my point of view - I feel like im watching behind a glass wall, sitting there unable to help. I try to internalise my frustrations so that I don't upset her. Tonight, I told her I was going to bed early (so I could remove myself from the situation because I was frustrated), and we ended up fighting. Before I go down the google rabbit hole - can anyone point me in the right direction for some resources so I can better myself? Thank you everyone. I just feel trapped, helpless and I just dont know what to do sometimes.

815 Supporting a depressed husband - seeking hope
  • replies: 242

I am married to an amazing man. We have been together 20 years, married for 15 and have 2 amazing daughters. We have always stood by each other, and he has always been loving and supportive. Towards the end of last year, my husband told me he was dep... View more

I am married to an amazing man. We have been together 20 years, married for 15 and have 2 amazing daughters. We have always stood by each other, and he has always been loving and supportive. Towards the end of last year, my husband told me he was depressed. At that time, I asked him to get help. He said he didn't want to and we left it at that and things got better for a few months. But for the most part of this year things have been very up and down,. A couple of weeks ago he admitted that he wanted to die. I know nothing about depression so every time we talk about it, I ask him to get help. However over the last few weeks he has stopped talking to me, and started sleeping in our spare room. He has told me that I can't help him, he wants to go it alone, I haven't been there for him, and may other hurtful things. I keep telling myself that it is the depression, but it causes me great pain and sadness. Last week one of his oldest friends contacted me to tell me that my husband had been to see him. He told him he's lost and disconnected, doesn't know where he is, and how or where I stand with him. But his friend told me that he loves me, and that I can't give up, even when/if my husband says he has. He hasn't given up. But I need to be patient and try to find a way to reconnect. I cry every time I think of this. I do believe there is still love there. But I can also appreciate that the depression probably leave very little room for him to feel/see anything else right now. I know the priority is to get him help. However as he keeps refusing, I feel there is little more that I can do. I know he needs professional help and as long as I still have the strength to, I will keep trying to convince him to get help. I am writing this post basically because I need hope. I need to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I need to know that loving him and simply being there for him (even though he says it's not enough) can get us through this. So if anyone has any experience, stories to share, tips and suggestions on how to reconnect, I would be very grateful. I know that it sounds highly idealistic, and we don't live in fairy tales. But I have to keep believing that we will get through this somehow.

Logan_III Wife suffering from persecutory delusions, can they eventually forgive the wrongly accused?
  • replies: 4

My wife of nearly 20 years has always suffered from depression but the past 4 years have been the hardest on me due to the amplification of her hypervigilance/judgemental-ness/persecutory beliefs based on past unresolved trauma. She has seen a psychi... View more

My wife of nearly 20 years has always suffered from depression but the past 4 years have been the hardest on me due to the amplification of her hypervigilance/judgemental-ness/persecutory beliefs based on past unresolved trauma. She has seen a psychiatrist for many years but they never seem to delve into the cause and over the past 4 years her paranoia regarding people close to me has escalated.I have had to part way for numerous friends, minimal contact with my family and I am now more isolated than ever. I have given up sports that I enjoyed due to the clubs being part of the conspiracy. These people are accused of sharing emails or texts, hacking accounts, passing on information to media outlets and general gaslighting in an effort to get her to return to a past workplace (one source of her past trauma).Like many people suffering the above, jumping to conclusions with minimal evidence, not believing her Dr and being angry at needing medication (antidepressant and a mild antipsychotic) when she believes it's all these people who need to stop and apologise.Can someone who believes in these things so strongly ever get to a point where they realise that these people have not done what her mind has convinced her of or is it 'locked in'.I guess I am at a point where I am assessing our future as a family unit. We have children and it is really starting to impact them and my lust for life is also at an all-time low.I read all the help guides regarding caring for someone suffering from this, but I fear catching up with people (who have not been accused) as I may lose them too.It's not a great way to live and if things are set in her mind, even if she gets things under control, I miss all my friends and catching up with family regularly without the crippling anxiety it brings me.Thanks