Immediate support
Immediate support

Supporting family and friends

Share tips on supporting a partner, family member or friend with a mental health condition, and seeking support for your own wellbeing.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

Carmela Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience
  • replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel s... View more

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

All discussions

Start a discussion

3000 Centrelink Disability Support Pension for Mental Illness
  • replies: 16

Hey guys My wife has had SEVERE depression, anxiety and panic attacks for nearly 17 years. The depression is up and down at times but in relation to the anxiety/panic she has been virtually housebound for the past 9 years, unable to leave the house w... View more

Hey guys My wife has had SEVERE depression, anxiety and panic attacks for nearly 17 years. The depression is up and down at times but in relation to the anxiety/panic she has been virtually housebound for the past 9 years, unable to leave the house without me in the car with her and unable to go any further than a few blocks from home. She cannot go any further than immediate walking distance to the car and we cannot turn the car off due to fear of not being able to immediately get home to her safe zone without experiencing a severe, debilitating panic attack and we're back to her not leaving the bedroom again. She has taken numerous medications, seen counsellors, psychologists, psychiatrists, hypnotherapy and doctors over this time and has not been able to beat it. Introduction over, she is obviously unable to work and cannot fully care for our kids alone so I am forced to be only able to get casual/part-time work while on Newstart allowance (required to be still applying for full-time work) and cannot earn more than $680 per fortnight or I will lose my entire Centrelink payment. Even though there is an extensive catalogue of proof of many years of her condition Centrelink will not approve her for a Disability Support Pension as it is "only mental illness" not an "actual disability" and the only assistance they can offer is $80 per fortnight carer's allowance. Does anyone have any experience in a similar situation or have any advice they can offer ?

CosmosMary Me
  • replies: 0

HiI have a 43yr son unmarried, no children, no home and feeling like he has no future. He desperately wants children and to feel loved by a partner. He works FIFO and that has contributed to the lack of meeting people in general so social circles are... View more

HiI have a 43yr son unmarried, no children, no home and feeling like he has no future. He desperately wants children and to feel loved by a partner. He works FIFO and that has contributed to the lack of meeting people in general so social circles are almost NIL. He recent was between jobs, finished one and waiting to start another, had a motorbike accident and now requires operation for bad leg injury. Stuck at home at mothers house (me) awaiting surgery, then long recovery. Job prospects fading with every tick of the clock...Gambles seeking dopamine hit, ADHDCurrently depressed on so many levels as per beginning of this post... cant see his life's purpose want to curl up and die....How do I help ??

Ozwald My 12 yr old has anxiety
  • replies: 5

Hi our 12 yr old son suffers with anxiety, we are currently seeing a new child psych and have tried different things to help him but most of the time to no avail! I was wondering if any other parents had tried animals as a way of helping, he keeps sa... View more

Hi our 12 yr old son suffers with anxiety, we are currently seeing a new child psych and have tried different things to help him but most of the time to no avail! I was wondering if any other parents had tried animals as a way of helping, he keeps saying if he had a dog it would make his anxiety go away? I know it's not gonna be a miracle cure but has anybody tried this avenue and with what results? Cheers

_-_ Depressed partner leaving a long term relationship - is it the depression or relationship?
  • replies: 25

My long term partner (19+ years with children) has recently been diagnosed with severe depression and thinks it would be best to move out to focus on themselves. Up until the past few months relationship has been happy, engaging and intimate, althoug... View more

My long term partner (19+ years with children) has recently been diagnosed with severe depression and thinks it would be best to move out to focus on themselves. Up until the past few months relationship has been happy, engaging and intimate, although full time work and family has left less time than we would like to spend with each other. Whilst my partner has been working lots, I can see that they started to withdraw in the past couple of months and showing several physical (sleep issues, weight loss) and emotional signs (withdrawing, irritable, constantly worried, not enjoying social activities) of depression.They also stated that they no longer feel in love with me. In the last month they have decided that there is not enough feelings on their side to try to salvage the relationship.This was quite shocking, as we have always enjoyed each other, never had big arguments or a particular trigger - I thought he was simply stressed from work load and us both being busy.They mention that they just feel numb and want to work on themselves to find out what makes them happy again. This feeling has applied to our family and social life as well.I'm assured there is no third party and I believe them.They don't enjoy being at home as it makes them anxious and they have withdrawn from myself and the children but have made an effort to keep things as normal as possible. Outwardly they are high functioning and find work to be soothing and rewarding, however they admit to masking in most other social settings.They have recently been to a GP and been diagnosed with severe depression and some anxiety, and recently started engaging with a psychologist.We have been openly talking about how they have been feeling for the past few weeks and there has been no animosity but it's still hard to hear as I love them deeply.They have said that they care for me and want me to be happy, but they also want to find happiness themself. They hope to remain friends and continue to co-parent amicably.They seem so sure, but it also seems so different and sudden.I'm committed to supporting them and will manage as best I can. It's hard for me to know if it's the depression that has impacted their feelings for me, or if it's genuine. I also know that I would take them back in a heartbeat if given the chance

Emsmum Supporting my 18yr old daughter who is suffering from severe anxiety and has been self harming.
  • replies: 3

My daughter has been suffering from severe anxiety and depression for the last year. She has a lot of support from counsellors and a psychologist and doctor but I just feel so helpless. She has self harmed in the past and is on medication from her gp... View more

My daughter has been suffering from severe anxiety and depression for the last year. She has a lot of support from counsellors and a psychologist and doctor but I just feel so helpless. She has self harmed in the past and is on medication from her gp. I just wish I could help. She just needs hugs from me which of course I’m happy to give. How can I show her or tell her I’m there for her.

soo ideas to support wife with depression
  • replies: 1

hey, Don't know where to start so I'll give a brief overview of past 5years. Been trying for years to have a child (natural and ivf) many miscarriages etc, finally we where blessed just over 4 yrs ago. Our baby passed during childbirth. Was a massive... View more

hey, Don't know where to start so I'll give a brief overview of past 5years. Been trying for years to have a child (natural and ivf) many miscarriages etc, finally we where blessed just over 4 yrs ago. Our baby passed during childbirth. Was a massive hit for myself and we have never been the same mentally. I can compartmentalise better than my wife I think. I still feel the sadness everyday and grt anxiety pretty bad at times (which never had before) but I keep on chugging. My wife has struggled alot since then, mentally. She has tried counsellors, medication everything I can think of and nothing has worked. We've had multiple other things happen that have been extremely stress inducing during this time but we got through it At the same time this happened I had changed careers due to wanting something to better our family long term which meant starting from the bottom and my wife having to take on more of a breadwinner role. Which she was fine with. I am 5months off sitting my final exam and finally being able to contribute more than minimum wage (am a 4th yr apprentice with another trade I've completed previously) I've injured myself at work lately and require surgery which means I won't be able to sit my exams for another maybe 12months. This has made my wife spiral like crazy. Lots of extreme mood swings, blaming me for everything under the sun - everything is too hard, I'm sick of working (i work 60hr weeks, but she makes significantly more than me right now), the goal posts keep moving, I'm at my wits end etc I've tried supporting her by listening and offering suggestions- go back to talk to counsellor etc (as I have no idea what to say) which gets met with anger and "I'm not crazy, they don't help, nothing helps" etc. I've asked what she wants me to do and she gets upset that i dont have to answers to everything. life's hard, you just have to keep pushing through it. It will grt better. But she has been an absolute wreck the last week since finding out I need surgery and won't be back at work for 8months or so. Next year was spose to be her year of being able to relax a bit, spend more time with our 2nd daughter. Me not being at work doesn't change any of this, I'm still getting paid, I'm doing all the house work I can with my injury. I just don't understand whats going on. I'm disappointed aswell but letting it destroy your life isn't going to make it any better. I just don't know what to do or what to say anymore.

Briars Intro
  • replies: 5

Hi all, I’m an alcoholic drinking 1.5 bottles of wine a day. Have done two stints at 7 day rehab last year but nothing sticks beyond 60 days. Desperate…

Hi all, I’m an alcoholic drinking 1.5 bottles of wine a day. Have done two stints at 7 day rehab last year but nothing sticks beyond 60 days. Desperate…

Guest_18368109 How do I help him?
  • replies: 2

Hi thereI'm currently on an emotional roller coaster with my ex-husband. He and I have been separated for a long time. We have two children and have co-parented them since our separation and consequential divorce. He is in his second low point for th... View more

Hi thereI'm currently on an emotional roller coaster with my ex-husband. He and I have been separated for a long time. We have two children and have co-parented them since our separation and consequential divorce. He is in his second low point for the year. I am trying to be supportive as he leans on me a lot.I consistently change my schedule to help make things easier for him, but then I get angry when he "checks out" and leaves me with all the responsibility. He is not seeking professional help at the moment, which also upsets me. He is not doing anything differently to help himself. He and his family seem to think all he needs to do is talk about it. I'm not a professional, so I don't know if this is true. He is a good person going through a hard time. I just want him to get better.How do I help him to see that he needs professional help? We've been to doctor's and he has seen (and been discharged from) a psychologist. Should I be saying yes every time he needs my help? Thanks in advance.

Guest_01195571 Carer of partner with anxiety and depression
  • replies: 2

Hi, my wife suffered anxiety and depression and is caught up in a sense of hopelessness. I use reassurance and positive reinforcement constantly. We have tried discussing a plan of care and action, however she won’t act on it. She is struggling with ... View more

Hi, my wife suffered anxiety and depression and is caught up in a sense of hopelessness. I use reassurance and positive reinforcement constantly. We have tried discussing a plan of care and action, however she won’t act on it. She is struggling with work ( not because it’s a bad environment) because her self esteem is through the floor. Unfortunately to pay rent, bills and eat, we need both our incomes. Suggestions for her to reduce hours, use long service leave have been discussed. I’m trying to positively persuade her to act on this to no avail. Her response is often that she’s not happy anywhere , not just work and how will sitting at home doing nothing help. It’s been like this for years on and off and months this time. I’ve reminded her that things do get better and she does improve. However, the sense of hopelessness this time feels entrenched. Looking for ideas of what to do? I’m using positive reinforcement , reassurance and all the textbook practices.If My wife was to use her long service leave, any suggestions of what she could do to help during this time out? Activities, therapies, retreats etc. Does anyone have any suggestions or recommendations? Thank you