Punishment for self harm

[not_doin_well]

I self harm. Kind of often. My parents know I self harm but they don't know all of it. My relationship with my body is terrible. I have an ED. I visit a psychologist. But it's been crappy lately. I've just been feeling down. I self harmed on my stomach a week or two ago. My dad saw it today. There's a rule that I get punished for self harm. Last time I got caught, my dad took my phone away until it healed. He's said before that he doesn't like my scars and stuff cause it 'makes him sick'. in the kind parent  worried for their child way. But yeah. He caught me today. I'm year 10 btw. Idk, is this something I should be punished for? It's really confusing... I already have so many contradicting and conflicting thoughts in my head that cause me to spiral. This is just adding to the mess. But maybe I need to be punished? Maybe it's because I'm so nonchalant about them. I really don't know. Is self harm something I should be punished for???

[indigo22]

Hello,

Welcome and thank you for reaching out to us.

I am so sorry to hear you have these issues, you are so young to be dealing with these problems.

I think that your dad loves you dearly but is at a loss as to how best to stop you from doing harm to yourself.

I think perhaps he thinks that if he punishes you, it will make you more aware of what you are doing to yourself, but it doesn't seem to be working for him or for you.

Has your psychologist worked with you on any strategies for when you want to self harm?

Are you making any progress with your psychologist and do you feel comfortable with them?

I am going to give you a couple of helpline numbers you can call and speak to someone in real time when you are feeling the need to self harm or any other time you want to talk about your feelings. Please put the numbers in your phone so you can get help when you need it.

Butterfly Foundation - available 8am - midnight 7 days - Eating Disorders - 1800 334 673

Kid's Helpline - available 24/7 - up to 25 years of age - Help of any kind - 1800 55 1800

Please continue this conversation if you are comfortable, you don't need to go through this alone.

Please try to be kinder to yourself,

indigo 💜

[not_doin_well]

thank you so much for replying to me.

I do have a psychologist but the reason I self harm is really really complicated and we haven't found a way for me to stop doing it.

also, update: My dad took away my headphones and airpods. I can't concentrate at school without headphones on. I don't tell him because he won't understand. I feel like he just doesn't know the mental battles I'm fighting right now. I'm really upset about the headphones because I literally need to concentrate at school.

I don't speak to anyone in my year level and I need to have one sound to focus on when I'm doing work. My dad will probably think it's bull and just dismiss it.

I'm really feeling upset and mad. I want to self harm to rebel because this just feels ridiculous. 

My dad is very disciplinary. He's very straight forward and will just punish you if you break a rule. I really can't take much more of this. It's just making me want to self harm more.

[indigo22]

I am sure you are feeling very upset at present, it is not easy dealing with all that emotional turmoil.

I don't know your situation but I can relate to the emotional turmoil. When I was in year 10, I lost my brother and he was the only person in the family I could truly relate to because we had a lot of similar interests. I really struggled after he died and didn't get any help to get through it. Unfortunately, people who have never struggled with their mental health just don't understand the difficulties that we experience, especially when we are young, we just don't have the life experience to know how to deal with it. I have never self harmed but I imagine the reason you do is to distract you from the pain you are feeling inside (please correct me if I am wrong about that).

You haven't mentioned your mum, is your relationship any better with her?

Has your dad ever had a talk with your psychologist about how to best manage helping you at home? If not, I wonder if it might be worth talking to your psych about having a meeting with your dad.

Do your teachers know that you use the headphones to concentrate? If so, perhaps the school can have a talk with your dad.

I wonder too if there is another way for you to deal with your feelings other than self harm. There is a young person here on the forums who uses eyeliner to draw on their skin instead of self harming, is that something you could consider as a distraction? Perhaps learning to play guitar or another instrument, music can be very healing and was the way I dealt with the loss of my brother.

Let me know your thoughts.

Thinking of you,

indigo 💜

[blondguy]

Hello and Welcome!

you are very strong by reaching out to us. I couldn't do it when I started here years ago with anxiety.

Indigo22 has provided heartfelt support

 My daughter used to self harm as well...I understand your frustration and anguish.

Indigo22 mentioned a couple of super understanding support groups...

www.kidwshelpline.com.au are wonderful gentle people that are also available on Webchat 24/7. There may be a small delay yet you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Some people are more comfortable on a person to person webchat than over the phone. Webchat doesn't cost anything and you can see it when you enter the kids helpline website 🙂

Whatever you choose there are many gentle people here on the forums that can be here for you!

we are listening

Im Paul...a volunteer on the forums  

[not_doin_well]

hello. I'm really wondering. What did you do when your daughter self harmed?

[blondguy]

I was really scared and tried my hardest to let my daughter know that she is just as important as myself or anyone else in the family. My daughter used to send me photographs of her wounds and hospital dressings.

As a parent I was really frightened and made sure I was more aware of her feelings and tied very hard to help her with her self esteem. I couldnt ever punish her for self harming...That would have been cruel as a parent

my kindest always

Pasul

[not_doin_well]

thanks for replying.

now I want to know why I'm being punished. No one can explain but my dad.

The other day, I had a breakdown and we talked for a bit, he explained that he was punishing me because self harming is 'bad behaviour' and I need to learn that so I don't do it again. I still don't get it though. He's punishing me for punishing myself. And frankly it just made me want to more.

how is it 'bad behaviour'? It's my way of self soothing and it helps me feel better. I haven't found a different way to deal with it yet so like-

I really don't know. It's just annoying me now.