Immediate support
Immediate support

Supporting family and friends

Share tips on supporting a partner, family member or friend with a mental health condition, and seeking support for your own wellbeing.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

Carmela Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience
  • replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel s... View more

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

All discussions

Start a discussion

Squishy13 Any support groups in Vic?
  • replies: 4

I've posted on this forum a couple of times but don't seem to get much feedback. I am feeling increasingly isolated and in despair in my relationship with my partner of nearly 6 years who has depression. I wish I could find someone who can relate to ... View more

I've posted on this forum a couple of times but don't seem to get much feedback. I am feeling increasingly isolated and in despair in my relationship with my partner of nearly 6 years who has depression. I wish I could find someone who can relate to me, but I haven't yet. Does anyone know if there are support groups in Victoria that are for people supporting others through their mental health struggles? In person is preferable. I'm regional Vic which makes a bit tricky, but I'm getting a little desperate. Life is pretty tough right now.

Violet12 Cancelled my weekend trip at last minute when bf broke down and cried. Was this the "right" choice?
  • replies: 4

Basically I'd planned to go away this weekend to visit my family. My bf has had depression for a few years, with bad episodes lasting a few weeks or even months, and then good periods of about the same length. For the past 2 weeks or so I've noticed ... View more

Basically I'd planned to go away this weekend to visit my family. My bf has had depression for a few years, with bad episodes lasting a few weeks or even months, and then good periods of about the same length. For the past 2 weeks or so I've noticed him declining. In the past 2 days leading up to my trip I've asked him if he's ok with me going away and he said he was, that it'd be good for me, and that he'd miss me but he'd be fine. Well this morning I was getting my stuff together to leave, and I could tell it was not a good day for him - he was in bed with a pillow over his face, responding in mumbles and quiet grunts to any conversation. I finally ordered an uber and sat on the bed to say goodbye, and he broke down and started to cry. He said he was sorry to say it but he was surprised and a bit hurt that I'd still leave when he's at such a low and vulnerable point. He immediately then said he didn't want to be a burden and that I should still go, but he was still crying. So.. I cancelled the uber that was right outside, told my family the truth about why I couldn't come after all, and then hugged my bf. He cried for a while, said he was sorry and embarrassed, and eventually fell back asleep. My family took it mostly ok - one of them was very understanding, one was disappointed and felt sorry and worried for me, and one said I was enabling my bf but staying. I don't know - it felt like the right choice in the moment, I mean he was sobbing and I haven't seen him cry since his last bad episode. Of course I wish I could go, I miss my family, and I hate that I've disappointed them and possibly ruined their weekend. But I also feel I should be kind to myself here and recognise that it's a difficult situation I didn't ask for and am handling as best I can without a guidebook. I have only cancelled a trip or work for him a few times since we've been together and we've been together 10 years, so it's not a frequent thing. But when he's this low, I just don't know if it would be right to leave. Any thoughts? Do you think I definitely should have gone? Would you have?

Monny Cyclic major depressive disorder
  • replies: 9

Hi, I'm writing on my sons behalf to see if there is anyone else out there with the same symptons and cycle as my 17year old son who was diagnosed with major depression nearly 2 years ago and psychiatrist thinks it could be bipolar 2. He has tried 5 ... View more

Hi, I'm writing on my sons behalf to see if there is anyone else out there with the same symptons and cycle as my 17year old son who was diagnosed with major depression nearly 2 years ago and psychiatrist thinks it could be bipolar 2. He has tried 5 antidepressants with no change just more frequent episodes and with bad side effects so stopped. His psychiatrist thinks the cycle is strange because my boy has around 1 to 2 weeks of being perfectly fine then within a day will have 1 to 2 weeks with deep depression, no energy, no motivation, no self worth, social isolation.Then goes back to normal again. Is there anyone else with the same cycle? I would really appreciate any answers. Also has anyone tried transcranial stimulation? My son is on the waiting list for that treatment.

Ralaba Parent carer of a Bipolar adult son
  • replies: 8

Hi there I'm a newbie here and unsure where my post fits best so will rely on moderators to decide. I'm a 72 year old dad with a 32 year old son who was diagnosed as Bipolar 1 in 2022. He spent two periods as an involuntary patient in a Mental Health... View more

Hi there I'm a newbie here and unsure where my post fits best so will rely on moderators to decide. I'm a 72 year old dad with a 32 year old son who was diagnosed as Bipolar 1 in 2022. He spent two periods as an involuntary patient in a Mental Health hospital following mania episodes. He took a mood stabilizer for some months and decided they were unnecessary. He and his partner recently had a beautiful baby and they spent five weeks with us during Xmas. During this time, he often became agitated and there were two serious but short episodes of mania in which he was aggressive, threatening and abusive.They have now returned home and not conncted to any mental health support services. We are supporting his accommodation costs as he has been too unsettled to find work. To the point: my wife and I are unsure of how best to help him and don't know whom to ask. I would like to ask him does he recall what happened during his recent mania and does he realise how frightened we were for our physical safety. If he does not know, then he will not see the need for medication. Is there a safe way to do this? He plans to take his child and partner overseas in a few months and this terrifies us a he will not have access to quality care if he exhibits unusual behaviour and deemed dangerous. We cannot raise the issue of medication or any treatment without aggravating him. In short, we dont know who to turn to for guidance. Any thoughts here?

Pennywise Depressed Partner wants space
  • replies: 6

I have been with my partner for 8 yrs now and he's had depression and anxiety before i even met him. He also has chronic lower back pain. Hes been struggling the last two months, maybe longer as hes good at hiding it. Hes not a talker. I myself recen... View more

I have been with my partner for 8 yrs now and he's had depression and anxiety before i even met him. He also has chronic lower back pain. Hes been struggling the last two months, maybe longer as hes good at hiding it. Hes not a talker. I myself recently have been dealing with anxiety issues. But i am totally confused and frustrated. I try having long talks with him so i can get an idea of whats going on inside his head and every time i think we're on the same page he spirals back again. His MO lately is to shut everyone out by running away. By which i mean he'll stay at a friends house overnight. He said he needs space but im worried that hes shut me out. He wont talk to a therapist as hes done that all his life and said it doesn't help him. His idea of helping himself (before he was in a relationship) was to pretty much lock himself in a room at his mums until he got better. I keep telling him he's not alone anymore and he doesnt have to deal with it himself but I dont feel anything i say is being heard. Any advice?Fyi im seeing a psychologist.

Lisathecat Daughters suicide attempt
  • replies: 1

How do I cope with this for the 2nd time. It's mentally exhausting. I am in my 60s and alone. I live 3hrs from where she lives. I need some tips on how to talk/deal with her issues. She has bipolar, borderline personality disorder, pyzophrenia. She q... View more

How do I cope with this for the 2nd time. It's mentally exhausting. I am in my 60s and alone. I live 3hrs from where she lives. I need some tips on how to talk/deal with her issues. She has bipolar, borderline personality disorder, pyzophrenia. She quit her job and her house is filthy. I try to help as much as i can, but it is affecting my own mental health

natalie_j Suspect my boyfriend is having psychosis
  • replies: 2

Me (23F) and my partner (26M) have been together just over a year. Everything is great and we’re in a healthy relationship. He has a history of depression and it comes in waves. This time around it is more severe and has shown it’s self in a differen... View more

Me (23F) and my partner (26M) have been together just over a year. Everything is great and we’re in a healthy relationship. He has a history of depression and it comes in waves. This time around it is more severe and has shown it’s self in a different form. He has been rambling on for days about things that just make no sense. All day at work he texts me paragraphs about how our life is going to change and we’re going to fix everything. My main concerns is.. in my parents house I was sexually assaulted by a non relative. My boyfriend knows about this. Also in my parents house there has been some unexplained ghostly things happening. He is now convinced that the ‘energy’ is protecting us and was just scaring me so I’d get out of the house. I get that people have different beliefs. We’re generally on the same page with this type of stuff. Be he will sit there for hours non stop talking about how this energy has shown him and spoken to him not in words and that thee energy is helping us achieve our goals and that I need to not be scared anymore because the energy knows what is best for us and we just need to do what it asks of us. I have no idea what has braught this one. He has never been into conspiracy theories or anything. I should also add my partner is not sleeping. He’s awake all night and goes to sleep for about 2-3 hours at 6am when I get up for work. I know sleep deprivation can cause a lot of things like this. But he had a long sleep today finally and woke up with stronger beliefs than ever. Saying all he’s been dreaming about is that energy and that he’s seen it not with his eyes but with other things. I’m really worried as he has never ever acted like this. I’m at a loss on what to do. He constantly says I’m not crazy. I asked if he was on drugs as that was the only thing I could think of that would make him so erratic. I can’t get him to a doctor as he believes doctors are no good and they never wants to help their patients they onlywant money.

Bookgirl Eating disorder in son
  • replies: 1

My teenage son was hospitalised and diagnosed with anorexia over Xmas. Although he is getting good treatment and support I am feeling totally overwhelmed at times with trying to keep up with meal plans and work and monitoring him 24x7. They tell us i... View more

My teenage son was hospitalised and diagnosed with anorexia over Xmas. Although he is getting good treatment and support I am feeling totally overwhelmed at times with trying to keep up with meal plans and work and monitoring him 24x7. They tell us it takes years to recover and I am so sad for him and can't help feel I am not doing enough to help. I wanted to cry when I saw him exercising a lot today. I just feel some days that I don't want to get up to deal with it.

Exhausted_mum Supporting husband and I'm exhausted
  • replies: 2

My husband was always so motivated with everything he did. We have both been in the Air Force for 10+ years but a few years ago he got placed in a team that mistreated him and it led to him being burnt out, which then resulted in depression. He has b... View more

My husband was always so motivated with everything he did. We have both been in the Air Force for 10+ years but a few years ago he got placed in a team that mistreated him and it led to him being burnt out, which then resulted in depression. He has been unable to work for 2 years now. We have 2 young daughters, I have no support from him and I am so tired. Even when his going through this he does his best to be a good father but after years of this happening I am sooooooo exhausted and tbh resentful. He was doing really well and it seemed like it was behind us so we tried for another baby. We now have a beautiful 4mo daughter and his barely helped with either of us. It was as if, as soon as she was born he got bad again. I try to remind myself that his not himself but I feel neglected and the things he says hurt so much. He won't let our friends group know about what's going on at home and when I have mentioned it to people they never understand mental health and seem to think his choosing to be like this. I feel so alone. Is there a support group or something for partners of people with depression? I just feel so alone and exhausted. And for those of you with older children. How do you communicate depression with the kids? And how much do you expose them to it? Any advice is appreciated

colour_1234 Is this depression? What do I do with myself while it's going on?
  • replies: 4

I think my husband has suffered from some form of depression on and off for many years (we've been together over 20). I'm not sure because he disagrees and won't seek help. He thinks that he can't have depression because there's nothing wrong with hi... View more

I think my husband has suffered from some form of depression on and off for many years (we've been together over 20). I'm not sure because he disagrees and won't seek help. He thinks that he can't have depression because there's nothing wrong with his life, he has a family, decent job, house and reasonable health so can't have depression right?We have lots of time where everything seems fine and we make plans and rub along well. We love each other. But then he has phases of feeling like the whole world is against him/everything is going wrong and nothing he does is right. Sometimes I can see the basis of how he's feeling but he seems to take it harder than others might (which he considers a fault in himself).Then sometimes there might be a bit of a build-up and something will trigger what I think of as an 'attack' of depression. We might have an argument or I do something insensitive and it upsets him. When this happens he will kind of shutdown, stay in his room or study, not speak much and refuse to speak at all if it's me that has upset him. He won't eat or drink and does nothing. When we talk about it afterwards he describes a feeling so dark and bleak it is scary -- that there is no point in life, he has nothing to hope for, he is worthless and we are all going to die in the end anyway. It is so awful and I feel so sad for him and worried. It sounds like he has thoughts like this a lot, even when I think he is fine and is just masking it the rest of the time. Although he does make plans and seem to enjoy my company when he is not in the midst of an "attack" so I guess it is less bad at these times?I really struggle with what to do with myself during these periods. I usually try to pop in and out a few times, apologising profusely if I've upset him or just reminding him that I love him if it's something else. From what I read maybe I shouldn't do this but I really struggle during this time and sometimes feel quite uncontrollably desperate to do something to help. It's really hard. I'm a talker so I just talk at him sometimes hoping to break through. Eventually he will usually melt and open up and talk. I'm not sure what would happen if I just left him to it, I've never been able to completely just leave him alone for more than say 12 hours.