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Sophie_M Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?
  • replies: 2

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents... View more

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Carmela Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience
  • replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel s... View more

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

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Anonymous_1464 My girlfriends anxiety is causing problems for our relationship
  • replies: 2

My girlfriend and I have been together for about 8 months now. Through the entire time my friendship with my sister has caused her anxiety and it has really started to take a toll on our relationship and she’s unsure if she can handle it. I’m 21 year... View more

My girlfriend and I have been together for about 8 months now. Through the entire time my friendship with my sister has caused her anxiety and it has really started to take a toll on our relationship and she’s unsure if she can handle it. I’m 21 years old and still live at home with my parents and sister who is 19. My relationship with my sister is by no means anything unusual and is purely just 2 siblings who get along. My girlfriend worries that I want her to be like my sister, she worries that I tell my sister everything about me and my girlfriends relationship and that I don’t need or want to be with her because of the bond I have with my sister. None of these are true, I love my girlfriend for who she is and have not once wished she was anything like my sister in any way. I’ve never told my sister details about me and my girlfriend’s relationship and I have never felt that I don’t need my girlfriend or that I don’t want to be with her. It is a hard problem to navigate and she understands that it may not make total sense to me but at this point in time I am not willing to give up on our relationship over something that I believe can be overcome. What tools do I need to assist her moving forward and what are some tools that she will need to be able to understand that my sister is of no threat to our relationship and that I do not compare them in any way? Thanks

Lmov807 Being a better supportive husband
  • replies: 2

Hi, I'm having a very hard time being the supportive husband my wife needs of me. We have known each for 9 years, engaged for 4 years and now married for 1.5years. We have 5 year old twins, raising them without a village around us the whole time due ... View more

Hi, I'm having a very hard time being the supportive husband my wife needs of me. We have known each for 9 years, engaged for 4 years and now married for 1.5years. We have 5 year old twins, raising them without a village around us the whole time due to distance and family conflict.My wife has been upfront about having anxiety and depression since day one, has medications and has been engaged in counseling for many years. Even with all her mental health pains she has been my number one cheerleader which I never had in childhood or as an adult.We never fought prior to kids but life since the twins has been difficult. The lack of support during covid has been marked and has taken a toll on both of us. We have had to battle so hard to survive those early days, there has been so little relief since. So much of our trauma from our youth and previous relationships are being relived and triggered in raising twins. For me, childhood trauma of being endlessly criticized for not doing exactly what has been asked of me. I have been seeing a psychologist for about a year to work through plus life now as a husband and father with mental health and kids in that discussion too. For my wife it's much more severe anxiety and depression. And that's where I'm having problems.Prior to kids I could reassure and be a person she could depend on the help ride it out but now none of this works. She literally has mentioned what she needs in those times, clear communication to the smallest detail, ask questions on her well-being and listen with empathy. I admit I don't do this every single time. I will either miss a detail, often the smallest bit that is forgotten, not outline everything on my mind each time we communicate or have a too small view of the situation, as in not seeing it from other viewpoints. This causes significant conflict. It then send me down a hole of failure, anger and self pity. I find it hard to get back up, reassure my wife, learn from what has happened and to get better. I know I'm extremely hard on myself but it keeps happening. And when it does, I take on that lesson but the next time it's another thing and another. I'm overwhelmed with everything I need to do and each and every time. There is always something else to be mindful of, unfortunately I will forget and then this causes more grief. I know a lot of this can be prevented on my actions but it's hard to keep on top of

_-_ Depressed partner leaving a long term relationship - is it the depression or relationship?
  • replies: 37

My long term partner (19+ years with children) has recently been diagnosed with severe depression and thinks it would be best to move out to focus on themselves. Up until the past few months relationship has been happy, engaging and intimate, althoug... View more

My long term partner (19+ years with children) has recently been diagnosed with severe depression and thinks it would be best to move out to focus on themselves. Up until the past few months relationship has been happy, engaging and intimate, although full time work and family has left less time than we would like to spend with each other. Whilst my partner has been working lots, I can see that they started to withdraw in the past couple of months and showing several physical (sleep issues, weight loss) and emotional signs (withdrawing, irritable, constantly worried, not enjoying social activities) of depression.They also stated that they no longer feel in love with me. In the last month they have decided that there is not enough feelings on their side to try to salvage the relationship.This was quite shocking, as we have always enjoyed each other, never had big arguments or a particular trigger - I thought he was simply stressed from work load and us both being busy.They mention that they just feel numb and want to work on themselves to find out what makes them happy again. This feeling has applied to our family and social life as well.I'm assured there is no third party and I believe them.They don't enjoy being at home as it makes them anxious and they have withdrawn from myself and the children but have made an effort to keep things as normal as possible. Outwardly they are high functioning and find work to be soothing and rewarding, however they admit to masking in most other social settings.They have recently been to a GP and been diagnosed with severe depression and some anxiety, and recently started engaging with a psychologist.We have been openly talking about how they have been feeling for the past few weeks and there has been no animosity but it's still hard to hear as I love them deeply.They have said that they care for me and want me to be happy, but they also want to find happiness themself. They hope to remain friends and continue to co-parent amicably.They seem so sure, but it also seems so different and sudden.I'm committed to supporting them and will manage as best I can. It's hard for me to know if it's the depression that has impacted their feelings for me, or if it's genuine. I also know that I would take them back in a heartbeat if given the chance

Ranga-1 I'm Worried About My Son - Again
  • replies: 1

Hi. As the title suggests, I am worried about my son again. He's been wearing a hoodie a lot, and as it happens, his hair has matted into a bunch of horrible knots - he has long hair. He had friends over tonight, and his mate's girlfriend helped him ... View more

Hi. As the title suggests, I am worried about my son again. He's been wearing a hoodie a lot, and as it happens, his hair has matted into a bunch of horrible knots - he has long hair. He had friends over tonight, and his mate's girlfriend helped him with a lot of the detangling. He still has a colossal knot, which I will help with later. They put his hair into a braid and they've all gone bowling. When his mates were in the car and he was putting on his shoes, I asked him how he could have been so neglectful. He told me he had had a depressive episode. I immediately apologised and asked how I could help He said he has been talking to his friends. He is lucky they are so understanding and accepting. They're good kids. I just texted him to apologise and told him I'm here for him. He said it's okay - he just scored a strike. I guess he knows I'm here for him. I can't talk to my husband. He's always sick and he's isolated himself in his shed. I don't care that much about my marriage at the moment, but I care about HIM. I am starting an internship again next week, and I'm so scared I can't do it, and now I have these worries on my mind. My son has also just split with his girlfriend, and I think that might have contributed to the depressive episode he mentioned. What can I do?

Guest_10225 Partner left me because of the horrible person I was while depressed.
  • replies: 3

I am truly struggling to grasp that my partner left me. We broke up because of how I was while depressed. We had split and 3 months later I went and sought professional help and was diagnosed with depression . I spoke to them about all the things I s... View more

I am truly struggling to grasp that my partner left me. We broke up because of how I was while depressed. We had split and 3 months later I went and sought professional help and was diagnosed with depression . I spoke to them about all the things I said and did, and learnt my thinking and reasonings about it all. All these conversations with the professionals I had I told her about, told her how my brain was working at the time and how it’s not a reflection of what our relationship ever was. I love her so much, and have been together for 11 years. But she won’t let me in completely. We are still in each others life’s, I still help her with things. She said she still cares for me. but because of my actions while I was depressed; the self sabotage - personal demons we broke up. It hard because she knows that’s not who I am. That it’s a disease of the brain - I’m making changes and seeking help and talking to professionals. But, It’s getting harder and harder.

misties caring for Hubby with Dementia
  • replies: 6

I just need someone to talk to.My husband has dementia not fully diagnosed as yet in the interim they are saying vascular but could be lewy body.Mostly I can cope but on his bad days I feel so helpless, he tries to do simple things and when he is str... View more

I just need someone to talk to.My husband has dementia not fully diagnosed as yet in the interim they are saying vascular but could be lewy body.Mostly I can cope but on his bad days I feel so helpless, he tries to do simple things and when he is struggling and I go to help he gets angry.Some days its so bad he cant figure out how to take the catch of the screen door and gets very frustrated.I am sad I am losing him, when we go shopping his walking has become a crawl.

Tracyaward Desperate for help with Adult Son
  • replies: 2

My son has been suffering for over six years now of severe isolation, psychotic break and can't even look after his hygiene. He lives with his father and doesn't shower, won't change underwear or socks and won't let anyone flush the toilet, clean his... View more

My son has been suffering for over six years now of severe isolation, psychotic break and can't even look after his hygiene. He lives with his father and doesn't shower, won't change underwear or socks and won't let anyone flush the toilet, clean his room. He won't eat unless it is at certain times one of which is in the middle of the night. There is so much more but as I don't live with him, I feel it's not my place.I feel now, it is getting way worse and I'm worried he won't come out of this.He won't see any professional and is petrified he will be admitted to a psyche hospital and locked up.We have tried everything. Please I need some advice.

1dayatatime Close friend in crisis cutting people off who love her deeply
  • replies: 1

Very recently a friend who is not only someone I consider one of my best friends or at least I thought was, but is parent to a child of mine's best friend has had a lot of bad life events happen one after the other. My friend has a lot of ptsd, and i... View more

Very recently a friend who is not only someone I consider one of my best friends or at least I thought was, but is parent to a child of mine's best friend has had a lot of bad life events happen one after the other. My friend has a lot of ptsd, and is also ND like myself so I know everything she feels she feels so intensely and deep which is why her and i got one another. Last time she attempted and had a visible breakdown she was hospitalised and i visited daily. This was during a crisis time of leaving psychological and emotionally abusive dv that still impacts her all the time because the ex and his family are all narcissistic that belittle all her efforts. it would be soul crushing knowing they are bad mouthing you in small but significant ways to your children with remarks like " your mother can't do what we can do for you" etc to always do grandiose outings and belittle anything she tries to make special and not about materialistic things to try and teach them to be about more than that. Anyway this lady has been through so much and homelessness periods, and stress of moving whilst grieving loss of a parent and sunk into her deepest depression yet. A mutual friend who's known her since highschool whom I met through her rang me super concerned so knowing how close they are of course I took it seriously and we both cried and talked about what we wish we could help with but is beyond something we alone can do and her friend decided to call the ambulance for a welfare check in because she disclosed to me she began taking things to cope that were not usual known behaviour because she just wants to stop feeling so much sadness. I don't hate her for this at all let alone think she is bad for this. She began withdrawing isolating herself but is also in extreme burnout just trying to keep a roof over her head, so i had a feeling she wasn't doing well but kept telling myself she's just busy like me with my own family's needs. Anyway due to the mutual telling me and me giving the mutual her location and mutual calling we have both been blocked. I don't know where to go from here. my heart wants to just rock up and send care packages or text her phone but i feel like she won't care or answer anything. i tried to message her sister to check in because i'm so stressed about the whole experience and am having ptsd flashbacks to losing my best friend to self harm in 2010. I'm trying to not think the worst but are we bad friends for calling help?

Sad_carer Struggling living with husband with mental illness
  • replies: 22

My husband & I have been together 36 years, married for 32. I was 16 when we started dating & knew I met my soul mate. Our life was really great, we were best friends, never fought & we were so in love. My husband had a couple of bouts of depression ... View more

My husband & I have been together 36 years, married for 32. I was 16 when we started dating & knew I met my soul mate. Our life was really great, we were best friends, never fought & we were so in love. My husband had a couple of bouts of depression which he recovered from with counselling & medication. Then in late 2010 he suffered severe anxiety & melancholic depression which was treatment resistant. Our wonderful doctor (who specialises in mental health) helped my husband through his previous bouts of illness sent him to a psychologist & psychiatrist. After counselling & changes in medication failed to work he was admitted to hospital for ECT. After 10 rounds we decided to stop as he was hallucinating which was distressing. He spent 7 weeks in hospital having the ECT, counselling & medication changes but was still very unwell when he came home. I went to hospital every day, went to almost all of his counselling sessions & psychiatrist visits for 5 1/2 years & during this time I had him on suicide watch twice. My life changed so much & then he finally started to come back. We took a trip overseas which was amazing but when we returned things started to change. It was gradual so it took me until things became really bad that I went to our doctor & explained everything to her. She advised me to go to the psychiatrist again with him who diagnosed bipolar. Once again my husband was not the man he used to be & I struggled to come to terms with another mental illness, more medical visits & more changes in medication. It's now been about 9 months & although he has improved a lot, things between us have changed. I still care for him but my feelings aren't the same & I don't love him anymore. Our marriage has deteriorated so much that it's close to being over. I never in my wildest dreams ever thought this would happen to us. We were an almost perfect couple. Last Friday I went & had a good talk to our doctor & she has strongly suggested we have some relationship counselling which my husband & I have both decided to do. I feel so bad though because it's his illness that has changed him & therefor causing the issues so it's not his fault. But I have been through so much, I am extremely unhappy & I'm scared about the major change that could happen in my life if we don't get our marriage back on track. I'm feeling very confused & no one I can talk to really understands my situation. Just wondering if anyone has been through something similar & what the outcome was?