Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 2

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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Fried won't get help

replies: 1

My good mate from high school has been in and out of care and refuses to believe that anything is wrong. He was first diagnosed with schizophrenia and bipolar over 10 years ago and since then has bounced around the street or his mum's house but his mum has dementia and the house is barely livable. He does minimum wage jobs and always complains how he can't eat right or do anything about his health because he is so poor and that all he needs is a mate to have a beer with. He drinks every single day. He has alienated most friends with poor hygiene or ranting when we used to see him.After his last involuntary status stay he seems better but refuses to get any help or speak to anyone and thinks that he was completely fine and it was just his brother out to get him.How can I tell him I can't be there for him every day and he needs to speak to someone who can help him.

Struggling with my struggling wife

replies: 1

Thanks for letting me vent! We'll have our 10 year wedding anniversary soon, but it's been a tough road. My wife has a major depressive disorder, OCD and ADD.Before our kids were born, she made a total of six suicide attempts and I had to admit her to a psychiatric facility against her will (technically two, but one was very brief). Our relationship is pretty bad. I feel like 90% of our conversations are negative and she constantly complains about things that to me aren't worth complaining about. But that to me isn't the worst of it, the worst of it is that she seems to be angry at me at least 50% of the time. She gets angry at me over nothing. ALL. THE. TIME. I'm not saying I'm perfect, far from it. I don't listen, I can be very lazy, I'm messy, I'm not as emotionally available as she needs me to be (particularly after she gets angry at me). I know it's her pain manifesting as anger, but I'm finding it impossible not to take it personal, her being hostile all the time. She gets EXTREMELY stressed (and then angry) about anything out of the ordinary.What's worse is that we're planning to move to Europe for most of next year and this is creating major friction. So I feel like I have the choice between a horrible time getting ready (and potentially a horrible time while we're over there) or cancelling our plans and not have any adventures for the rest of our lives. Neither of those sound like an acceptable scenario. One other thing causing problems is that my dad died suddenly a year ago. I really struggled with it and she was amazing during that time, but while I'm obviously not "over it", I've dealt with it head on and while I still think about him all the time and dream about him most nights (he was by far the most influential person in my life), I like thinking about him and they're happy memories. For my wife it's different. She cared about him a lot too (probably especially because her dad is a terrible parent), but she avoided thinking about it a lot and now still gets very upset when thinking about him. While it might seem that my dad's death might not be that relevant to our marriage, it is directly related to our biggest conflict: A third child.She DESPERATELY wants another child, but every bone in my body is just not at all interested in having another child. I feel that I'm past the season of my life where I want to have babies. Continued below.

Teenager refusal to seek help and go to appointments

replies: 1

HI I have a teenager (15) and we are having a nightmare dealing with.He erupts every night over small things that dont seem to be important.He gets angry and and has out burst kicking walls multiple time during the day. HE seems to have no regard for advise this only makes him angry. We are constantly walking on egg shells to keep him from exploding into rage and wrecking some thing.He has no rationale about danger and will often open the car door while driving to stop me from driving . He struggles to get to school every day and often come up with some thing wrong not to go .He has got mates and i dont think that school is necessarily the issue.We have had a referral from our doctor but he refuses to go.We are exhausted and just want to help him as it seems to only be getting worse.I have read some reviews about BPD and wonder if this might be what is going on.

Schizophrenia

replies: 1

Hello , My son spent 7 months in hospital last year where he was diagnosed with schizophrenia. I was granted guardianship of him during this time . He is medication compliant , has been very stable but I’m exhausted. He does have NDIS with a respite component but he has a lot of social anxiety with new people and new surroundings , so I try to stick to routine . I suppose what I’m looking for is any other Mums who are in a similar situation , I just feel as though I am very alone with this journey .

Can borderline BDP be fixed long term? How?

replies: 2

Wondering if anyone has treatment for BDP and has this helped for long term relationships with partners? Going to take my partner soon to see psychologist but from what I'm reading, it's very hard to change

AITA for trying to address communication and support issues in my friend group

replies: 1

Hi, I’m part of a long distant friend group Recently, I noticed ongoing issues with communication and emotional support. Sometimes people don’t show when they’re upset, and it’s hard to know how to respond. I sent a message to the group, expressing my concerns about communication and emotional support. My intention was never to blame anyone or attack them, but to encourage everyone to notice when someone is struggling and to respond in a caring way. I also clarified privately with some friends about ways they could help support each other better. One friend reacted very angrily, feeling that I was blaming another friend for not doing enough to support the group. The conversation became hostile, and I was told not to respond anymore and was then blocked. Meanwhile, another friend shared that they have felt hurt and ignored multiple times in the past, which has made it hard for them to express their feelings. They described a situation where they had shared something from their culture and felt belittled, which caused them to withdraw. They acknowledged that they sometimes struggle to reach out but emphasized it’s not because they don’t care—they just have a history of feeling unwanted. Another friend responded thoughtfully, explaining that they hadn’t intended to hurt anyone either and that their reaction had been influenced by past trauma. They expressed a desire to resolve problems as they arise, rather than letting feelings build up into conflict. The friend who originally felt hurt then clarified that they often freeze up or second-guess themselves because of past experiences and fears of upsetting others. They emphasized that they care deeply about the group and don’t want to lose anyone, and expressed a desire to find better ways to communicate—either one-on-one or with a mediator if needed.The goal was to ensure everyone feels safe and heard. I want group members to express their feelings without fear of judgment or causing conflict. I feel conflicted because my attempt to improve communication caused significant pain and tension. I’m looking for guidance on whether:1. I was wrong to bring up these concerns in the way I did.2. There’s a better way to navigate communication and emotional support in a close friend group, especially when mental health challenges are involved3. I can repair trust and ensure everyone feels safe without anyone feeling blamed.Thanks in advance for any advice or perspective.

Partner of someone with Borderline Personality Disorder

replies: 3

My partner was recently diagnosed with BPD as well as anxiety, depression and PTSD. I have read a lot of information on the internet and am trying to be supportive in the best ways I can. Yesterday he told me that he didn't want to be in a relationship, that I didn't understand him and that I continued to make things worse. He has been off his anxiety/depression meds for a few days and I'm sure this is contributing to his downturn in mood. I don't want to abandon him, I do love him, but I have got to the point where I'm not sure I can keep fighting for our relationship when he seems intent on finding everything wrong with us and blowing any tiny thing into an issue of epic proportions. When he's having his bad days I am constantly questioning my self worth. I've been trying to learn how to effectively communicate with someone with his condition but most of the time he is closed off to conversation and expects me to be able to read his mind to know what he wants. He often will use the silent treatment and today has even blocked me so we can't communicate until he's ready. I'm happy to give him space if he could communicate that to me but either he can't or I don't understand the cues for when he wants space. Any advice on the best way for us to move forward would be greatly appreciated.

Living with a partner with PTSD

replies: 13

Please help! My de facto partner of almost 3 years suffers PTSD after 28 years in army, SF, CT duties, 11 deployments and it is a constant "tread on egg shells". He is medicated and sees psychiatrists and psychologists on a regular basis. He says he loves me but cannot give me emotional support when I need it. He sees problems in my life as insignificant, he says I don't support him, he won't talk about what he has experienced as he says I will throw it back at him, anything that happens out of what he feels should be happening is always my fault. I feel so lonely in this relationship. Everyone else in the world is dumb, stupid, ignorant, it's always someone else's fault, never his. What about me? There is very little/no support that I can find for partners living with loved ones with PTSD. I woke this morning to a man very different to yesterday - Today I can't seem to say the right thing, I seem to be looking at him the wrong way, when I question him to ask if anything is wrong, it's all my fault that he is like he is. I have had counselling myself to try and gain information and how best cope with this lonely, always to blame feeling, but each counsellor has told me I don't have a problem and it's him, so I give up attending and go back home to the constant lonely, on edge feeling trying to deal with it myself. This in turn is making me so depressed and anxious about our otherwise healthy relationship. I have tried reaching out to social media support groups but a lot of these is about women having a moan about their husbands - I don't want this, I love him to pieces, all I want is direction on best ways to deal with Living with a partner with PTSD. Military professionals seem to get the support they so honourably need, but where is the support mechanisms for us partners left to live with PTSD daily. Please, if anyone can guide me in any way or throw some light onto if his behaviour is normal PTSD behaviour and how best I deal with it, please let me know before I walk out on this man I love.

My girlfriends anxiety is causing problems for our relationship

replies: 2

My girlfriend and I have been together for about 8 months now. Through the entire time my friendship with my sister has caused her anxiety and it has really started to take a toll on our relationship and she’s unsure if she can handle it. I’m 21 years old and still live at home with my parents and sister who is 19. My relationship with my sister is by no means anything unusual and is purely just 2 siblings who get along. My girlfriend worries that I want her to be like my sister, she worries that I tell my sister everything about me and my girlfriends relationship and that I don’t need or want to be with her because of the bond I have with my sister. None of these are true, I love my girlfriend for who she is and have not once wished she was anything like my sister in any way. I’ve never told my sister details about me and my girlfriend’s relationship and I have never felt that I don’t need my girlfriend or that I don’t want to be with her. It is a hard problem to navigate and she understands that it may not make total sense to me but at this point in time I am not willing to give up on our relationship over something that I believe can be overcome. What tools do I need to assist her moving forward and what are some tools that she will need to be able to understand that my sister is of no threat to our relationship and that I do not compare them in any way? Thanks

Being a better supportive husband

replies: 2

Hi, I'm having a very hard time being the supportive husband my wife needs of me. We have known each for 9 years, engaged for 4 years and now married for 1.5years. We have 5 year old twins, raising them without a village around us the whole time due to distance and family conflict.My wife has been upfront about having anxiety and depression since day one, has medications and has been engaged in counseling for many years. Even with all her mental health pains she has been my number one cheerleader which I never had in childhood or as an adult.We never fought prior to kids but life since the twins has been difficult. The lack of support during covid has been marked and has taken a toll on both of us. We have had to battle so hard to survive those early days, there has been so little relief since. So much of our trauma from our youth and previous relationships are being relived and triggered in raising twins. For me, childhood trauma of being endlessly criticized for not doing exactly what has been asked of me. I have been seeing a psychologist for about a year to work through plus life now as a husband and father with mental health and kids in that discussion too. For my wife it's much more severe anxiety and depression. And that's where I'm having problems.Prior to kids I could reassure and be a person she could depend on the help ride it out but now none of this works. She literally has mentioned what she needs in those times, clear communication to the smallest detail, ask questions on her well-being and listen with empathy. I admit I don't do this every single time. I will either miss a detail, often the smallest bit that is forgotten, not outline everything on my mind each time we communicate or have a too small view of the situation, as in not seeing it from other viewpoints. This causes significant conflict. It then send me down a hole of failure, anger and self pity. I find it hard to get back up, reassure my wife, learn from what has happened and to get better. I know I'm extremely hard on myself but it keeps happening. And when it does, I take on that lesson but the next time it's another thing and another. I'm overwhelmed with everything I need to do and each and every time. There is always something else to be mindful of, unfortunately I will forget and then this causes more grief. I know a lot of this can be prevented on my actions but it's hard to keep on top of

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 2

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Fried won't get help replies: 1

Struggling with my struggling wife replies: 1

Teenager refusal to seek help and go to appointments replies: 1

Schizophrenia replies: 1

Can borderline BDP be fixed long term? How? replies: 2

AITA for trying to address communication and support issues in my friend group replies: 1

Partner of someone with Borderline Personality Disorder replies: 3

Living with a partner with PTSD replies: 13

My girlfriends anxiety is causing problems for our relationship replies: 2

Being a better supportive husband replies: 2