Supporting family and friends

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Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s?

replies: 3

Hey everyone, It’s hard to miss the talk around the new social media restrictions for under 16s, set to roll out across Australia in early December. We’ve heard from some of the younger members of our community, and now we’d love to hear from parents and caregivers. For some, this change might feel like a welcome relief - a clearer way to manage social media use and protect young people. For others, there may be concerns about how it will affect access to online support, questions around how age verification will actually work, or frustration and powerlessness over a decision beyond our control. All of these feelings are valid. If you’re a parent or caregiver, or you have some young people in your life that will be affected by these restrictions, how are you feeling about this change? We’ve created this space for anyone caring for young people to share their thoughts, ask questions, and support each other through the uncertainty of the months ahead.Kind regardsSophie M

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience

replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

by Carmela •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Supporting family and friends

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15-07-2016

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Sick of being everybody's reminder person

replies: 4

I am so sick and tired of people asking ME to do stuff for THEM that they should be doing for themselves. I am not their keeper. They are fully grown, capable adults who seemingly cannot be bothered to organise their own schedules. Perhaps I should start charging them a fee for being their personal assistant! Seriously! I mean, how hard is it to set your own alarm or put something on your own calendar??? Sometimes this mental load that I seem to end up carrying for others is just too much.

Adult Asperger’s son with chronic OCD

replies: 3

Hello Community, My son is in his late 20’s and lives out of home. He has Asperger’s and now has debilitating OCD which ramped up when his grandmother convinced him to come off his medication when he was still living with me two years ago, since then he has moved out and has lost his job so I now support him financially (which is an enormous struggle). He is back on meds. I’ve put him on several waitlists for Psychiatrists but it’s a long wait. Meanwhile his GP is on board to introduce antipsychotics but my son is reluctant to take them. He tried one type recently and he wet himself overnight so now taints all antipsychotics with the same brush. He refuses help, he won’t cook or eat in his home, washes 6 loads of washing per day, and uses around 6-8 rolls of paper towels per day. He has suicidal thoughts and has given up hope. Ive been through the hospital system with him over the years and they just turn us away…It seems unless you are psychotic when presenting (even when police have been called) you are turned away with a mental health number to call and that’s it. Our system is flawed so even if I tried to “section” him, it’s highly unlikely he would be admitted. I don’t know what to do anymore. He has been to the OCD Clinic twice now in 2020 which helped, but since coming off his meds he has plummeted. it’s agony seeing him deteriorating and I’m chewing through my savings to basically keep him alive. He asks for money constantly as he only eats take away food in his garage. His garage is also full of garbage bags of paper towels. I’ve bought a fridge and microwave for his garage so that he can defrost home cooked meals. But he’s frightened the smell of food will enter his house and “infect” his belongings. Every time I talk to him about helping himself he shuts down. As I know ultimately he has to want to get better, but he doesn’t have the willpower. I know giving him money is enabling him, but I’m just trying to keep him alive. He wants to work but he is at such a wretched place mentally he would not be employable. I’ve found a good employment agency nearby to help people with disabilities but he has to ring them, they won’t accept me as his advocate, and of course, he won’t ring. It’s always “I’ll do it tomorrow”. He was knocked back for NDIS years ago so I’ll try again, but I’m not certain that will be successful either. I feel so trapped. I know he’s frightened of getting better as in his mind that means letting go of control. I understand OCD and it’s horrible mechanisms. I feel like I’m just waiting until he either takes his life, or bottoms out so badly he somehow finds the courage to say yes to help.

My dad has cancer

replies: 3

Hi all,Last night, I learnt that my dad has been diagnosed with pretty bad cancer. My parents are in overseas (where I originally come from). I'm in my late 40s and my parents are in late 70s so it's a pretty good run I think but I have been panicking for the last 24 hours. I spent hours online looking for something and I really didn't remember anything. I'm more overwhelmed and panicked than the sadness for now. My mum and sis and her husband will talk to a doc on Wed so we will know exactly how bad it is and planning. My sis said not to think about it until then but obviously I can't stop thinking about it. I haven't told my partner about this yet as he started his new job today (and lost his dad last year). My mum also said wait until Wednesday. I don't really know what to do or even how I'm supposed to feel. I don't know if any support group out there for someone like myself. As (very luckily) this is my first time to face something like this so have no information on me. Dad may be old but the diagnosis was very sudden and surprise as he was just fine a day before he started to feel pain. As I suffer a mild anxiety, the anxiety level is really high now. I'm extremely tired but don't feel like I cannot sleep tonight again.Thank you for reading.

i need advice anyone

replies: 3

to summarise it instead of using all my words my boyfriend of a year broke up with me cus he didnt want a relationship, and then goes off with a chick identical to me blonde, blue eyes, short and freaky. i mean hes clearly got a type, it just makes me mad cus he kissed me on the 4th we initally broke up on the 2nd or 3rd and he said he didnt want to break up he just wants a break and my dumbass just agreed and it hurt me even more so we agreed to end things on the 6th but during the break he kissed me how does that make sense, why would you kiss me when you didnt want me anymore? but i just really need advice im focusing on myself and me only this year im hitting gym everyday taking care of myself, my heath, my meals everything i just need tips on how to start what to do and what not to do in my situation. preferably an older girl in my situation before (im in yr 9 and 14 going on 15!) please i really just need someone to give me a tip or a little bit of advice. thank you for reading it anything helps.

32 year old sister is dependent on me

replies: 3

Hi guys, just hoping to connect with people in similar situations. My older (32yr old) sister has always experienced bad anxiety and recently started to experience depression. She lives alone (by choice), only has older friends she made back in school (who live away/live busy lives), she is stressed in her job and has 0 hobbies. I have always had to support her growing up but in last 6 years she has become very reliant on me for support, social support and just general things in life. I have lots going on eg university, completing pracs, wedding planning, demanding job, hobbies, my own mental health issues and caring for my 2 elderly grandparents. I feel VERY burnout out at the moment and Im struggling to not resent my sister because of the pressure for me to fulfil her needs. Sometimes I feel like I am somewhat fulfilling roles that would normally be done by parent, partner or counsellor. I speak to my counsellor about this issue but I feel like I will be stuck in this situation and I am completely drained. It is starting to impact my relationships as it takes away my time/energy and impacts my mood. I dont feel like her life will ever change and therefor she will be dependent/reliant on me for support. Its not like I can say no to supporting her because there is no one else and her depression is severe at the moment. I am starting to have increasing resentment towards her (but have to hide it) as I feel really bad because she needs support. I just feel like she does not/has not taken steps in life to better her life (due to anxiety) but then complains about not having a partner, not getting to social events etc. I look at my friends/partner and I they do not seem to have this added pressure/responsibilities surrounding their siblings. My father has also always had mental health issues but never accessed help which has been exhausting, my mum has also recently has some issues going on. I just dont know where to go from here, I am drained (and dont see this situation ever changing). I cant just give up on my sister but it is majorly impacting my life and me moving forward with my life. Thanks

Community Volunteering and mental health

replies: 1

Hi there,I've been having difficulty replying to posts, might be my crappy tablet?? I'd like to thank all those who have replied to my posts and supported me My thoughts tonight - Since an early age I never felt really secure where I lived. I have always felt I had to move on or I wasn't welcome or some crisis would arise where I had to move. My thoughts are with the homeless tonight and I find this hard to reconcile living in the "lucky country". I have never really been homeless apart from a week at my mates, a couple of nights in my car, and a week at a backpackers hostel. When I was young I used to occasionally sleep out with a mate who slept rough. He is sadly gone now. I feel selfish for feeling anxious about my living situation when I see families living out of their cars. I don't have any engagement with family, friends or community but I would like to help people doing it tough. My motives are not totally selfless as I feel it may improve my own health to engage with people more. I am not a social worker or health professional but I can cook, do admin and lend an ear. I'm not looking to be anyone's role model either. I would just like to help out in some capacity. I'm wondering what the best way to approach an organisation would be. I don't have references, or qualifications, just my time and patience. I would like to get out of my own head for a couple of hours each week. Thanks for reading

i’m worried about my mum.

replies: 3

hi all, recently we’ve found out we have to move house again (11th time in 15 years) and my mum is super stressed. shes been diagnosed with depression and is divorced. im her only child and have had a lot of family problems recently so ive just been staying with her. im super worried about her because sometimes she’ll just break down and cry and i cant really help her much. she has a lot of friends to help her but she keeps saying theres no one. i dont know what to do because ive never been in a situation like this and she has a psych, but she hasnt seen them for a bit. she’ll start crying randomly and i feel horrible, but i can only do so much. she never does this on purpose, but i cant keep living like this because im not her psychologist and her mental state right now is not helping me, but i cant go to my dads either. dont get me wrong, shes one of my favourite people in the world, but its just too much right now. i know she needs support but i just can’t provide her with that. thanks.

Caring for someone with chronic illness

replies: 6

I am hoping to get some advice on how to be present and caring for a friend with chronic illness, whilst navigating my own issues. My friend has been illness for many years now, in 2024 finally she was able to access treatment and has since been juggling doctors, blood tests, and whatever else comes along with it. I have been by her side, taken her to appointments and picked her up from hospitals, I've monitored her whenever she had to come off her medication for tests. Now, throughout all of this, I have also juggled quite difficult times; I have been diagnosed with ADHD and autism ( I am a woman in my 40ies), and I am currently in perimenopause, so I am dealing with a lot of very significant changes and it's been exhausting to say the least. On top of that, I have had to deal with a family DV situation, which came with lawyers and court attendances. My friend is feeling a better now, she tells me she has so much more energy than she used to have. At the same time, she relentlessly continues to talk about her journey navigating her illness, how she nearly died and made peace with death, she constantly brings up her medication regime. Which is fair - I understand chronic illness is lifelong and this is her reality. I also understand that this isn't about me, I am her friend and I listen to her when she talks, I validate her experience, and I have supported her as best I can throughout all of this. However, I am on the verge of burnout now. I find it really hard to keep listening to her telling me the same stories over and over, sharing social media posts about chronic illness - and I feel like a horrible person for feeling that way. Every single conversation we have includes something about her illness. When I try to tell her about my struggles, I do not feel supported at all, as the conversation inevitably goes back to her struggles. I hesitate talking to her about how I'm feeling about it - I tried recently to tell her that I needed some space to look after myself and the conversation immediatly turned to "why don't you want to spend time with me anymore, I feel like I never see you" .... I feel like my pain is not as valid as hers, and again - I feel horrible for even thinking this, but the fact remains that I have my own issues and I need to look after myself, too. How can I put healthy boundaries in place without coming across like I'm rude and do not care about her?

I'm very depressed and constantly anxious alcoholic brother.

replies: 4

Every afternoon my middle-aged brother starts drinking and doesn't stop until he is so drunk he can barely walk. He gets very verbally abusive. He also tries to be physically intimidating. We have both been raised by a narcistic mother. He too is very narcistic. I live with my mother and brother on the same property. Every day I live in fear of what's going to happen. Im 50 years of and live with them because my my mother needs me to pay her part of her mortgage or she looses the house. She calls this rent. I'm so anxious and depressed. I feel emotionally exhausted after having to live like this for the last 15 years. I can't afford to rent anywhere else and have been made to feel guilty if I mention I'm upset about my situation to my mother and brother. I don't know what to do. Frightened I'm going to have a mental breakdown.

Can borderline BDP be fixed long term? How?

replies: 3

Wondering if anyone has treatment for BDP and has this helped for long term relationships with partners? Going to take my partner soon to see psychologist but from what I'm reading, it's very hard to change

Parents and caregivers: How are you feeling about the social media restrictions for under 16s? replies: 3

Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience replies: 41

Sick of being everybody's reminder person replies: 4

Adult Asperger’s son with chronic OCD replies: 3

My dad has cancer replies: 3

i need advice anyone replies: 3

32 year old sister is dependent on me replies: 3

Community Volunteering and mental health replies: 1

i’m worried about my mum. replies: 3

Caring for someone with chronic illness replies: 6

I'm very depressed and constantly anxious alcoholic brother. replies: 4

Can borderline BDP be fixed long term? How? replies: 3