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Carmela Are you supporting a depressed partner? My tips from 18 years of experience
  • replies: 41

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel s... View more

This list has been compiled from experiences supporting my husband with depression. There is no one size fits all, so please take what you are comfortable with based on your circumstances and resources. 1. Reach out to family and/or friends to feel supported - this also covers support groups - online or face to face. Don't let stigma stop you from reaching out. 2. Relationship boundaries - identify what is acceptable and not. My general platform is that physical abuse is unacceptable as well as regular demeaning/berating comments. Communicate this openly so everyone understands. 3. Coping tools - this could be exercise, meditation, reading a book, meeting friends, etc. They are important for your mental health. 4. Knowledge is power - research to understand about depression. The more you know, the better care you can provide. 5. Remember your partner in the good times - this is their true selves, not the darkness. 6. Listen and show receptivity - without judgement or anger. If communicate becomes strained, the timeout can provide clarity. Encourage communication gently and try not to push. 7. Seek counselling - sharing your feelings can provide an opportunity to off load the heavy stuff and identify resilience and coping strategies. 8. Work as a team - don't let mental illness be in the driver's seat. Offer to go to the Dr's and support them. Understand medication and side effects. Be understanding that some days are harder than others. 9. Words are powerful - remember what you say cannot be taken back. 10. Carer Self-esteem and self-worth - if you compromise these for the sake of supporting your partner, you are likely to live with resentment towards your partner and the circumstances you find yourself in. 11. Don't forget the children - challenging circumstances at home can affect them mentally and emotionally. Speak about mental illness (COPMI.com.au - has some great resources) and be a strong foundation toward maintaining normality in their daily activities. 12. Intimacy - there are many variables here, so from my experience - keep communication open and make couple time to connect. When my husband was depressed, daily hugs or holding hands wherever possible worked for us. Some carers I have spoken with said their partner would demand intimacy. My personal position is that intimacy is about love without demands or attachments relating to expectation. Demands only deplete the goodness in the connection and sharing a a loving experience. [Moderator's note: this thread is for sharing tips on what has worked for you in supported a loved one with a mental health condition. In order to help us keep this thread focused on solutions, please start a new thread if you are seeking support from the community around how to best support your loved one.]

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Guest_10139 Help for a mate
  • replies: 1

I have been in a situation where someone I know seemed to be having a "mental breakdown", it probably is called. Received several weird messages and later found out that she was brought to a hospital. This was perhaps a year ago. She came back Ok aft... View more

I have been in a situation where someone I know seemed to be having a "mental breakdown", it probably is called. Received several weird messages and later found out that she was brought to a hospital. This was perhaps a year ago. She came back Ok after that and has been Ok until recently. She seemed to be having it again based on recent communication (messages) with her, and I'm concerned something may happen to her being alone in her place. Can someone advise what's the best thing to do in this case? TIA.

tham_ Caring for my Partner's C-PTSD
  • replies: 3

Hey everyone! I just made an account today since I needed reassurance from a supportive community. I've been with my partner for about 4-months now, I'm the first person he's told of his C-PTSD and someone who he feels safe with. For the last month, ... View more

Hey everyone! I just made an account today since I needed reassurance from a supportive community. I've been with my partner for about 4-months now, I'm the first person he's told of his C-PTSD and someone who he feels safe with. For the last month, I've noticed he's been very withdrawn and quiet around me. My messages online haven't been read or responded to, and he seems distracted or nervous in person. However, he still seems sociable and excitable around our friends. I've tried gently approaching it in conversation but he dances around it and reassures me that he's fine. This was my first experience with such a sudden shift in our dynamic, so it was a little jarring, but I still was up to help. Since I started reading about it, I've learnt not to take it too personally with our relationship but it's still difficult for me to know if I'm helping. Little gestures of assurance that I'm ready to listen or just checking in on his day *feel* helpful, but how can I know? What will I see that shows he's ready to reconnect or that my efforts are supporting him? How long should I expect this to go on from now? My situation might be a little specific, but I mainly want to know what other people find helps them or others with their management. Thank You!

ReachOut Is my boyfriend severely depressed or does he want to leave me?
  • replies: 9

Hi everyone, I'm very concerned about my boyfriend who is currently giving me the silent treatment. It's been over a week and the thoughts going through my head are driving me crazy. He has a history of depression, though I don't know much about it a... View more

Hi everyone, I'm very concerned about my boyfriend who is currently giving me the silent treatment. It's been over a week and the thoughts going through my head are driving me crazy. He has a history of depression, though I don't know much about it as we've only been together for 9 months and he doesn't talk about it with me. I brought up an issue recently, and he wasn't willing to talk about it- he just shut off completely. I got very upset and frustrated and tried to push the conversation a bit further but it was ignored and we both went to sleep. He then got up in the middle of the night and left. (We don't live together- I assume he went to his house). I haven't heard from him or seen home since, though I've tried calling multiple times and sent 3 text messages. I've tried apologising for how I handled the situation. I've tried explaining that by bringing up any issues in our relationship isn't a personal attack on him. I've tried telling him how much I care, etc etc. Same result- nothing. Before this recent event, there's been 3 other times when a similar thing has happened. Seemingly when there is any problem and a lack of communication, he just ignores me for days. In the past it has only been 3-4 days maximum, and then he's contacted me. This time it's much longer. I'm trying to work out what to do, if I even can do anything. Communication is so important to me and I don't know how to solve this when we can't talk. I've almost settled on the sad fact that he just wants me to leave him alone/ break up, yet I'm almost positive that he's acting this way because of his depression. Other than these times, he's very caring and seemingly happy in the relationship, and we have a lot of fun together. I love him and want to be there for him if he is battling with depression. Any advice or thoughts would be much appreciated.

Peppapig1 Schizophrenia.
  • replies: 2

Hello I'm really glad I found this community I also use the sane australia forum. I was diagnosed with schizophrenia at the beginning of last year I'd like to know there's others like me out there and I'm hoping my experiences are the same as others ... View more

Hello I'm really glad I found this community I also use the sane australia forum. I was diagnosed with schizophrenia at the beginning of last year I'd like to know there's others like me out there and I'm hoping my experiences are the same as others with a diagnoses of schizophrenia. I don't use drugs or drink alcohol anymore I'm 3 years sober and 6 years drug free. I believe there's invisible people here following me, plotting against me, putting alcohol and drugs into my food and fluids, pushing me into the wall, tripping me over, taking advantage of me while I sleep. The invisible people are the people I use to hang out with or stalked on social media. When I really think about it sometimes how are they invisible, wouldn't they have hurt me to the point I'd be in hospital with injuries. I googled invisible invention and it said Canada military has made an invisible wall so now my brain has come up with there in an invisible suit. The medication isn't taking it away and even when I tell myself noones here it's just you here my brain still believes there here and it's effecting my relationship with my kids and friends because I also think there controlling what I say and what I do like they have control over my brain I also think they control what I think and they know exactly what I'm thinking about too.

Cguilt Guilt of silence
  • replies: 4

My struggle to find a place for all the emotions I am feeling of watching my adult son unravelling. I have this beautiful photo of him as a baby crawling towards me with a huge happy smile looking directly at me. I can not get this image out of my th... View more

My struggle to find a place for all the emotions I am feeling of watching my adult son unravelling. I have this beautiful photo of him as a baby crawling towards me with a huge happy smile looking directly at me. I can not get this image out of my thoughts. His adult life has consisted of lies, anger, demanding financial support and taking no responsibility for his own actions but blaming all those close to him. Most of all me, his mother. He has recently been arrested and now has a pending court appearance which may result in prison time to which he is guilty. My son has not shared this information with me nor spoken to me for 2months prior.My fear for his future, his reaction to me reaching out knowing but my own disappointment, anger, hurt and pain of wanting that image of my happy boy as a baby back and I how do I respond to him. What went wrong? I want to tell him I love him but the anxiety I feel when I think about who he has become stops me from wanting a relationship. I'm struggling with the guilt of this feeling of needing to distance myself from him. I don't want to worsen his image of himself but him not sure I can manage a relationship. Sense of guilt but obligation is overwhelming.

Sheree Class refusal year 7
  • replies: 4

Our son started yr 7 at a much larger school than primary school. In the first day he had a panic attack once he was at school. school started on a Friday which allowed his anxiety to build up and on the Monday he was under the desk in his room in a ... View more

Our son started yr 7 at a much larger school than primary school. In the first day he had a panic attack once he was at school. school started on a Friday which allowed his anxiety to build up and on the Monday he was under the desk in his room in a ball crying and rocking about not wanting to go to school. we can get him to school but not class. He can’t explain to us why he can’t. most nights his anxiety hits about going the next day with Sunday being the worst. Telling us he can’t do like anymore etc. he had no issues attending primary school and is social. we are doing the tough love and making him go. He sits in the library or wellbeing office. The school is good and trying but they only have so many resources. he was attending a large catholic high school but worked out quick they were not a great help so moved him to a much smaller public high school which he tells us he likes. we don’t know if keeping pushing, keep attending psychologist appointments and hope he can fight whatever is going on in his head or enrol into online school and take away that class pressure. if anyone has had a similar experience I would love to hear.

Moggie Supporting my daughter
  • replies: 2

My daughter is a single mum of 2 with depression and ptsd and juat need advice on how to help her i already help with the kids but doesn’t seem to be enough for her she’s really down

My daughter is a single mum of 2 with depression and ptsd and juat need advice on how to help her i already help with the kids but doesn’t seem to be enough for her she’s really down

Boots My wife has schizophrenia. Is accusing me of cheating.
  • replies: 3

Our relationship is in been a mess and I have always had her best interests at heart doing what I can to support and show her that she is loved but her psychosis is making it hard and she’s not even trying to get help from doctors I will be there for... View more

Our relationship is in been a mess and I have always had her best interests at heart doing what I can to support and show her that she is loved but her psychosis is making it hard and she’s not even trying to get help from doctors I will be there for her always because everyone else has left her so please help

50-50-52 Feeling Burnt out. Have been supporting my partner of 4 years with depression
  • replies: 5

My partner is a beautiful man and hence why I have stayed in this relationship for so long. He has had multiple depressive episodes in our relationship. The latest one starting since August of last year. He is doing all he can to help himself but not... View more

My partner is a beautiful man and hence why I have stayed in this relationship for so long. He has had multiple depressive episodes in our relationship. The latest one starting since August of last year. He is doing all he can to help himself but nothing has worked since August. He has no friends. I feel the role of being equal in this relationship has changed. I feel like I am constantly trying to help him and give him ideas on how to help himself. I feel like a Mother. He has just started a mood stabilizer as well as being on anti depressants since i Have known him. Unfortunately I am starting to feel depressed myself as it has gone on so long. And I myself suffer from mild anxiety. I don't want to end the relationship. But I am starting to feel burnt out.

elf16 How to help my sister
  • replies: 5

My sister (36f lgbt) is currently going through a mental health crisis and has been suffering the following symptoms that I’m aware of since the start of December: - panic attacks - insomnia - sensory overload with sound and light - depression - inab... View more

My sister (36f lgbt) is currently going through a mental health crisis and has been suffering the following symptoms that I’m aware of since the start of December: - panic attacks - insomnia - sensory overload with sound and light - depression - inability to leave her home - withdrawing from friends and family - inability to attend work for 8+ weeks - incoherent speech - chronic pain - racing thoughts and inability to communicate coherently via voice or text or in person. She won’t talk on the phone to anyone who she has had (limited) engagement with since this all began. Initially I assisted her in putting in some boundaries with friends and family to give her some breathing space to deal with grief, trauma and stress. But it’s now at a point where she will not engage even with me beyond a simple ‘hello’ sms each day. Our mum, myself and her best friend have come up with a plan that I’d like some advice on. We’ve reached out to the CATT team and local mental health triage team but without giving them my sisters name and address (something we’ll do after we’ve exhausted gentler options) Mum and sisters BFF will attempt to visit with my sister tomorrow. Unfortunately I live 3.5 hours away. They plan to give her a few options: 1. Sister and mum go to GP to get referral for inpatient 2. Sister agrees to call CATT team for assessment with mum and bff 3. We do a family referral to CATT Team without my sisters consent. Given her disengagement with family, friends and living alone were of the opinion that an inpatient stay would be most suitable. I’d love feedback on the above mentioned plan