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Guilt of silence
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My struggle to find a place for all the emotions I am feeling of watching my adult son unravelling. I have this beautiful photo of him as a baby crawling towards me with a huge happy smile looking directly at me. I can not get this image out of my thoughts.
His adult life has consisted of lies, anger, demanding financial support and taking no responsibility for his own actions but blaming all those close to him. Most of all me, his mother. He has recently been arrested and now has a pending court appearance which may result in prison time to which he is guilty. My son has not shared this information with me nor spoken to me for 2months prior.
My fear for his future, his reaction to me reaching out knowing but my own disappointment, anger, hurt and pain of wanting that image of my happy boy as a baby back and I how do I respond to him. What went wrong? I want to tell him I love him but the anxiety I feel when I think about who he has become stops me from wanting a relationship. I'm struggling with the guilt of this feeling of needing to distance myself from him. I don't want to worsen his image of himself but him not sure I can manage a relationship. Sense of guilt but obligation is overwhelming.
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Definitely a drug problem.
this must be a terrible situation for you.
sometimes you need to let people fall, they actually need to hit Rockbottom, But it’s dangerous, because not all of them can pick their self back up.
obligation you feel is natural and powerful. I can understand you struggle,
such a difficult situation to be in.
I suppose the best advice I could give and it doesn’t mean it’s the correct advice but if I was in your situation I would get immediately heavily involved in the legal situation. Make sure you’re talking to his lawyer with him there make sure you know every appointment and you drag him to each appointment, even though you shouldn’t have to do more you’re going to, make sure he’s got a nice suit to wear to court, and you tell him that you’re helping him get through this, but you expect him to improve himself.
you let him know you’re tired, let him know you love him and let him know. He’s breaking your heart.
telling This is it. This is where it ends. If you don’t help yourself, you’ll be left on yourself, I know that will be hard to do. He still doesn’t try after hearing that. Then you gonna have to get some professional advice because any son hearing that should be a game up if they haven’t already fallen too far.
i’m not sure if my advice is accurate, but I know it’s what I would do in a heartbeat, sometimes you have to break your own heart for the people you love.
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Thank you, my hope is the courts enforce a number of programs that he must successfully complete. And my my son to own his behaviour. Addiction is one thing, but the violence towards women never acceptable.
Appreciate your advice. Thank you
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the men behaviour change program doesn’t work, every other country is ditching it except good old Australia;
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- No Is never acceptable nor should be. Not great to hear your thoughts on behaviour change programs. Seems hopeless.
