a ramble
- replies: 2
I don't know if I'll end up regretting this as I got to sleep tonight but I need to get stuff off my chest I guess? And I've always felt like a burden turning to my friends and complaining so I turned to this as it's probably better than something li... View more
I don't know if I'll end up regretting this as I got to sleep tonight but I need to get stuff off my chest I guess? And I've always felt like a burden turning to my friends and complaining so I turned to this as it's probably better than something like reddit. Currently I'm 17F going into year 12 and although undiagnosed by a mental health person and just my gp mentally ill?? sorta? backstory nearing the end of year 9 I started to get bad anxiety, which only ended up getting worse, from what I remember when I went to see the gp, and after getting tests done even though I already thought it was anxiety, was told I most likely have some sort of phobia anxiety related to emetophobia, this was all year 10, and I have for a while been too scared to see a psychiatrist. I don't think 'scared' is the right word, but more so avoidant, it would be nice to be diagnosed with something that tells me why I struggled to even leave the house let alone be home without feeling nauseous (specifically after eating food, thats where the emetophobia comes in) and has led to lasting affects in my life both in general but socially. This avoidance mainly comes from the fact my younger brother struggles mentally, he has autism, adhd and anxiety as well and my parents have had their hands full, although high functioning hes struggled going to school for a while and I didn't want to add more burden onto my parents. I know theres going to be the "oh you're not a burden" and I get that, but there's still that nagging part of me that kind of doesnt believe that. Only recently have I realised that maybe I should see someone, although I'm getting better I still struggle, and have a feeling its not the only thing I struggle with. I use to be incredibly insecure, especially in year 5 where god I was lowkey suicidal but at the same time it's all jumbled up so I'm not entirely sure (my memory is shocking). This ties into the other potentials, not to self diagnose, but I'm a chronic day dreamer, I think 80% of my day is me daydreaming, not as bad at school but still there, it's a habit I've done since I was little, plus some other mental health concerns, my lack of motivation and constant feeling of fogginess, that everything is dream like. And because of this being my final year of high school, I've felt the need to maybe get stuff checked out, unfortunately it wasn't as warmly received which I think in the back of my mind i expected.wrapping up im running out of characters but ty if listening