I believe i dont have a reason to be here

[OllieA_TransKid]

So, around 4 years ago, my great grandmother died, and i'm not over it. It's almost her passing anniversary soon and along with my ex girlfriend breaking up with me and calling me a bad person... I want to join my grandmother in heaven... I can't deal with my ex's bull crap and i feel like I'm drowning in quicksand of toxicity... 

[sbella02]

Hey there Ollie, thank you so much for posting here, we'd like to warmly welcome you to the forums. I hope you can find some comfort here.

I'm sorry to hear that you've gone through these awful situations, and that you're feeling like this as a result. As a starting point, it can sometimes feel nice to chat with somebody who will listen and empathise with what you're going through, and Lifeline can be a great resource for this - you can give them a call on 13 11 14. They're available 24/7. We've also got our own Beyond Blue counselling services.

Grief is such a tricky thing to deal with, particularly as it can come in waves. It's important to be able to listen to your body when dealing with grief, as it generally knows what you need in a specific moment to be able to process that grief effectively, whether it's having a good cry, writing out how you're feeling in a journal, giving somebody a hug, being out in nature. I've seen people write letters intended for their loved ones, and that can be quite effective too. Our bodies will be able to help us out in a really profound way.

I'm sorry to hear about your break up, too. Break ups are tough enough as it is, but those feelings can become heavier when there are extra layers of negative emotion. If I may ask, what specifically is making this situation with your ex so difficult right now? This may help to narrow down what you may be able to do to resolve it and start feeling better.

Make sure you're taking good care of yourself during this time as much as you can, even if it's only something small every day. 15 minutes of being by yourself doing something you love like a craft or listening to music can help. Taking a lovely warm bath. Taking yourself for a short walk somewhere nice. These things can be really impactful during difficult times.

We're also here to listen if you have more you'd like to say. Remember, there are always people who care about you and want the best for you. 💗

All the best, SB

[Ash_music]

Hi Ollie. It's me again. You seem to be having a hard time. It's hard to get over someone's death, but we have to remember that they are always watching you. And I'm sure they are so proud of what you have accomplished and will want you to keep fighting. You've got this. And I know the world can be unfair..... A lot. But it can also be good. We just have to cherish the good and not dwell on the bad. And I know it's harder then it sounds but you are a strong person. You will make it out the other side. We all believe in you. You are the best. 

Ash🖤

[therising]

Hi Ollie

Everyone moves through grief differently, depending on a whole number of factors, including

• how deeply we feel love and loss
• what that person meant to us, based on the role/s they played in our life
• who we have around us to support us and help us make sense of our thoughts and feelings
• whether we've experienced such a loss before (whether we've got a reference for it or it's a first time experience)
• how much or how little we've got going on in our life at the time of that loss and throughout the time that follows it

and the list goes on. While there can be so many different ways of managing grief, some people may simply sit in meditation with that person who has passed, imagining them through their mind. Such an exercise can be simple or it can be quite a sensory experience, with all the senses involved. Imagining seeing them while meeting them with a warm hug and feeling the warmth through our imagination. Imagining sitting with them at a favourite place while sharing chocolates and tasting the flavour in our imagination. Imagining talking to them, in search of guidance, and hearing that guidance etc. While our imagination is something we carry with us everywhere we go, we can meet with that person any time in new ways, non physical ways.

I've found the thing about toxicity is it's not always obvious. This is something I've found for myself on a number of occasions throughout my life. For example, someone could throw toxic words our way and we easily feel those words eat away at us and/or bring us down. What can be far from obvious is when we're left alone to feel down. What comes to mind are people's words or thoughts such as 'He'll/she'll/they'll be right. They'll get over it' or 'They just need to get on with life'. At times it's not about getting over a basic hurdle in life, it's about making our way through some seriously challenging territory, with the serious need for a guide. At times it's not about just 'getting on with life', especially when we don't know how to live under certain circumstances. And when it comes to a comment that I can easily feel as being toxic, 'You're too sensitive, you need to toughen up', people may as well be saying to us 'You need to become as insensitive as me'. Plenty of insensitive people around already, hey. When you're a sensitive person, you can sense who's insensitive and who's not. Call it a super power 😊

Do you have anyone in your life who you can sit and talk with, who you feel as being the complete opposite of toxic? Anyone who you can sense as being inspirational? Anyone who you can sense as having an open mind, who's good at listening and seeing ways forward through their imagination?