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BeyondBlue Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 0

Hey there,Welcome to the Grief and Loss section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This section is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you- providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and annivers... View more

Hey there,Welcome to the Grief and Loss section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This section is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you- providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This - and anything in between - is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to share your grief, and let others support you. Please be aware that discussions in this section of the Forums may include references to self-harm and suicide. Treat yourself gently as you read through this section. If need more immediate support, we recommend reaching out to the following: Beyond Blue Support Service – any time, chat online to a counsellor or call 1300 22 4636 Griefline – between 8am and 8pm (AEST), call 1300 845 745 to chat with a specially trained volunteer You are not alone in this, and we are here to support one another. Thank you for being here. Kind regards,Beyond Blue

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Guest_18490299 Don’t be sad,Mummy
  • replies: 1

Those were the last words my baby girl said on Thursday, knowing she was able to be sedated and intubated to try to save her life as she couldn’t breathe enough in her own. It’s a long story and it was a long road. I was her carer as well as working ... View more

Those were the last words my baby girl said on Thursday, knowing she was able to be sedated and intubated to try to save her life as she couldn’t breathe enough in her own. It’s a long story and it was a long road. I was her carer as well as working ft. We had some support - under strict guidelines from my baby girl, who couldn’t be around men or people who were judgemental and not kind. She was 31. It was just her and I, we were a team all her life after her dad left when she was 4.Now it’s just me and I don’t know how to live without her. I used to just potter at home happily - read, watch tv, do chores, chat to my daughter, hang about generally. We had an amazing and unbreakable bond and knew each other so well. I didn’t travel more than 5km from home due to her separation anxiety and she became housebound in the last 18mths. What do I do now? I can’t sleep at home. I’m sleeping at my dad’s place and coming home at daybreak to be with the 2 cats at the flat. They are grieving too. I don’t have the energy to do anything with her things or her room. It’s been cleaned up since she died- all the mess taken care of. But it’s her belongings. They are everywhere. Her books, her craft, her clothes. Everywhere I look I see her. It hurts so much. I have people around me but it’s Christmas and they have celebrations to have and families to be with and I just don’t want to but I am still lonely. I don’t want to be far from my home as it’s going to take a minute to be able to do that safely after so much time, but I want to be somewhere I think. What could I do?

Whyme Totally side swiped
  • replies: 1

I have been married 29 years my partner had been telling me that he has problems with sex , rejection and emotions since the start which I have tried to help and support. But last year I found out that he has been watching porn lying right beside me ... View more

I have been married 29 years my partner had been telling me that he has problems with sex , rejection and emotions since the start which I have tried to help and support. But last year I found out that he has been watching porn lying right beside me which led to paying for sex for more than 12 years now !! I don’t even know who he is anymore and I can’t cope with it . I want to run but I can’t, I want him to leave but I don’t? I hate the sight of him but I miss him . I kicked him out of our bedroom at least because the thought of him lying there made me sick. The triggers are sending me insane !! The images of detail I ask for I see all day and night. I need help but don’t know where to start please help me

Rose- Grief
  • replies: 8

My mum died recently and my husband has terminal lung cancer. Don't know what the future holds. All I know I am grieving both of them. It's hard. I've been their carer for several years.Taking care of one feels strange. Grief is different for everyon... View more

My mum died recently and my husband has terminal lung cancer. Don't know what the future holds. All I know I am grieving both of them. It's hard. I've been their carer for several years.Taking care of one feels strange. Grief is different for everyone. I cry every day. I miss my mother. I miss my husband. Who he used to be. He also has dementia.

Broken79 Grief. 10 years later.
  • replies: 2

Hey. I'm back again. I don't really know where to begin. All I know is I want it to end.The lonliness and feelings of being lost in a foreign place without him are very overwhelming. Its 10 years next August.10 years without my sweetheart is crazy. 2... View more

Hey. I'm back again. I don't really know where to begin. All I know is I want it to end.The lonliness and feelings of being lost in a foreign place without him are very overwhelming. Its 10 years next August.10 years without my sweetheart is crazy. 20 years we spent together. 6 kiddos and a reality I will never be able to exist in ever again.What a ride it was! I took it for granted. Now. It's gone. I tried other relationships. Got "swept of my feet" literally 5 months after he passed.The guilt and shame and absolute disgust in myself for that decision haunts me every single day. The guy ended up thinking he could access my then 14 yro daughter, whom I'm proud to say, spoke up right away. I kicked (i wished literally) him to the curb and supported my sweet girl throughout the court proceedings. Can understand why people stopped wanting to be my friend after that though. So, super isolated, with only my children ( who's love is unconditional) . But had to leave town. New community, new beginnings right? Nope. The pain. It follows me, the self doubt, the self loathing, the ugliness of it all tags along with me every single step and day I exist. ... and....You know what..... I kinda think I deserve it tbh. So I've become numb, things that excited me no longer make me smile.I have to act to convince myself that I should be happy. I mean, I'm great at being a social worker, I can slap my hat on for the day, and flick it off when I'm home. Its not fair on the girls, now 16, 18 and 25. But I respond on cue, smile when everyone's laughing and just be there, in the moment, even though I'm miles away. I'm morbidly obese at 122kilos and have become interestingly masculinly ( if that's a word) unattractive. I now am just waiting to expire.46 next week. And I'm so so sad. I'm sorry for the lengthy post. I get it if none has even made it down this far.But, I need to off load it somewhere. Any words would be greatly appreciated. I dont know ..

jays1989 Not coping with loss and grief
  • replies: 4

I am not okay, I have been an absolute emotional wreck since monday morning when I received a phone call stating that my grandmother passed away, I understand that it's all part of the circle of life but it doesnt make preparations any less painful a... View more

I am not okay, I have been an absolute emotional wreck since monday morning when I received a phone call stating that my grandmother passed away, I understand that it's all part of the circle of life but it doesnt make preparations any less painful and it still comes as a shock no matter was. I am trying to keep busy and keep my mind distracted but the hardesť part is that I feel like i have emotionally shut down and I look like I have a vacant expression on my face. I have been asked now to be one of the Paul bearers during the funeral and of course I said yes because it's the 4 grandchildren that are being considered but it still doesnt help that I feel like I havent had a moment to process this whole week and the worst part is I haven't had the opportunity to actually let out my emotions. Anyone that has gone through this please any advice on how you got through this would definitely help me out

ktac1689 Pain of loss
  • replies: 4

My beautiful boy is gone. Only 25 years old. The pain is immense, bottomless and all I can think is why? Why did he do this? Why didn’t he reach out? Did I fail him as a mother? How do I go on? It all seems pointless right now. He was living in anoth... View more

My beautiful boy is gone. Only 25 years old. The pain is immense, bottomless and all I can think is why? Why did he do this? Why didn’t he reach out? Did I fail him as a mother? How do I go on? It all seems pointless right now. He was living in another state so I am making arrangements from here and preparing to go there and pack up his life. I still can’t believe it, that he would leave like that. I wish I could have helped him and lessened his pain. I have support which has helped a lot. My sister especially and my two other children. We are all trying to support each other and navigate this new world. My Aunty though, when I asked for help moving my son’s furniture, misinterpreted and thought I was expecting her to arrange his service and harshly told me that “I know you are experiencing a huge loss but this is all your job as a mother”…. Yeah don’t I know it. I had already arranged his service at that point by the way. I don’t expect anyone to do anything for me and never really have. I know we are not the first and I won’t be the last to suffer a loss of this magnitude but right now it feels that way. I wish he was still here.

sparklystar I got a kitten after my mum passed - now I'm struggling.
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone. My mum passed away at the start of November and after coming back to Australia after a month back in the UK dealing with her funeral and being with my family, I adopted a 3 month old kitten. Only now that I have come back to Australia ha... View more

Hi everyone. My mum passed away at the start of November and after coming back to Australia after a month back in the UK dealing with her funeral and being with my family, I adopted a 3 month old kitten. Only now that I have come back to Australia has my grief hit me like a freight train. I cry everyday, I have negative thoughts, not taking care of myself well in terms of eating and sleeping and now I have to look after a kitten. I have been thinking about this kitten for so long, was so excited to come back and get her and now she's here I'm just not sure if I can handle her and my grief at the same time. What should I do?

Guest_78631374 My fiancé just broke up with me
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, I’m going through something really painful and I’m struggling to cope. I was in a very serious relationship where everything seemed fine. We were planning a future together, talking about marriage and commitments, and he was consistently... View more

Hi everyone, I’m going through something really painful and I’m struggling to cope. I was in a very serious relationship where everything seemed fine. We were planning a future together, talking about marriage and commitments, and he was consistently affectionate and involved. There were no signs anything was wrong. Very suddenly, he told me that he “loves me but is not in love with me,” and that he has been having doubts he never communicated. It felt like it came out of nowhere and completely shocked me. Now the relationship is over. Since then, I’ve been feeling overwhelmed. I’m dealing with a heavy chest, nausea, shaky legs and waves of panic. I haven’t been sleeping well and I feel like my whole body is in shock. I know heartbreak can cause these things, but it’s been really intense and hard to manage. I’m just struggling emotionally and physically with the sudden loss and the shock of it all. I would really appreciate advice on how to cope, how to get through the physical symptoms, and how to deal with the feeling of losing someone so suddenly. Thank you to anyone who reads or replies. I just really need some support from people who understand.

Guest_23613495 Grief loss of my elderly father, brother and mother
  • replies: 1

Seeking support and councelling on how to deal with the loss of my elderly father recently leading up to Christmas (empty chair).

Seeking support and councelling on how to deal with the loss of my elderly father recently leading up to Christmas (empty chair).

Guest_93838120 Looking for Help with Grief That Has No Closure
  • replies: 2

I am not coping.My first husband — the father of my two children, a daughter now 25 and a son who will soon be 23 — told me when I left him in 2009 that if I dared to go, I would never see my children again. I thought he was joking. I believed my chi... View more

I am not coping.My first husband — the father of my two children, a daughter now 25 and a son who will soon be 23 — told me when I left him in 2009 that if I dared to go, I would never see my children again. I thought he was joking. I believed my children loved me too much for that to ever happen.When I left, I walked away from a 15-year marriage with nothing — no clothes, no shoes — just my children. But after I left, he began his campaign to destroy my relationship with them. He poisoned them against me, and by 2014, after years of conflict and heartbreak, my children disappeared.He moved houses, changed their schools and phone numbers, and made sure I couldn’t find them. I called the police, but they said it was a federal matter and that I needed a court order. I had no money to pursue one.By the time I finally found my children, they wanted nothing to do with me. They believed the most horrible things about me — lies he had told them — and I was shut out of their lives completely. Eventually, he moved them to Victoria, and I had to learn to live without them.Then, in June this year, my ex took what feels like his final act of revenge. He posted photos on social media, tagging enough mutual friends that they appeared on my feed. That’s how I found out my daughter had a baby — a beautiful little girl. My first granddaughter. A baby I will never hold or know.I have no parents. My father, who served in the military and cared for soldiers exposed at Maralinga, died of malignant melanoma when I was four. My mother passed away when I was sixteen. I am completely alone now.Since learning about my granddaughter’s birth, I’ve been struggling deeply. My days feel pathetic, dark and heavy. I’m not sleeping or eating properly. I feel worthless and broken. I work in healthcare and mostly from home, which means I can go a whole week without seeing or speaking to anyone.I’ve tried to find grief support groups, but because my children and granddaughter are still alive — just gone from my life — I don’t qualify. I don’t know where to turn anymore. Even when I try to go out to meet with friends, or socialise everyone wants to talk about their children, or grandchildren, so I have constant reminders. My grief is all consuming now. Can anyone offer some advice?