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Grief and loss

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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

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lulu so
  • replies: 3

my dog has passed and my uncle i hope this BB program is helpful

my dog has passed and my uncle i hope this BB program is helpful

ABC01 It is a pretending day.
  • replies: 0

Hi,It is a pretending day today.I have to pretend that I am okay. I have to pretend that my sense of humor is back and I am engaging people like I used too.But it is just a front. Inside it is a hollow feeling, even as I am doing it.No one asks how I... View more

Hi,It is a pretending day today.I have to pretend that I am okay. I have to pretend that my sense of humor is back and I am engaging people like I used too.But it is just a front. Inside it is a hollow feeling, even as I am doing it.No one asks how I am anymore in regards to my grief or loss. So I just have to pretend.Does anyone else have to pretend?ABC01

rachealw Coping after a death of a funeral
  • replies: 9

I've just recently lost my Nan suddenly. During this Covid-19 pandemic. Attempting to be there for the funeral was proven to be a challenge but not impossible. I was still able to fly interstate without needing to quarantine. I was still able to comf... View more

I've just recently lost my Nan suddenly. During this Covid-19 pandemic. Attempting to be there for the funeral was proven to be a challenge but not impossible. I was still able to fly interstate without needing to quarantine. I was still able to comfort those who could be there. I was also there to make some hard decisions and funeral arrangements. My Nan was like the next figure in life to what people call one a "Mum"... Long story short. I helped care for my Nan before she went into a home from all my teenage years. I'm having trouble coping with her being just "Gone" I felt like i didn't have time to grieve or be sad or to even laugh or cry. You become busy deciding the colour of her coffin and what photo to choose best and what flowers she would of loved by the time the day comes around your not ready to say goodbye yet. Due to the pandemic outbreak and states having their own lockdown and regulations i had to leave 1 day earlier before the service. I wasn't able to be there till the end to even lay her down. Instead i had to watch from a screen and feel at a distance. I'm vividly struggling sometimes to sleep. I can still feel her cold holds against mine and although i still got to see her and kiss her and share upon the memories we had together. I wasn't ready to say goodbye or let go. Now shes been floating around me in thoughts, in my dreams and i just feel like there's a lump in my throat that's hard to explain the presence of. How does one find ways to accept this passing and move forward in life?

Losingmyway Losing my way
  • replies: 2

Hi. I lost my mum 3 years ago next month and I lost my brother on Boxing Day 2023. I was my mother’s carer until she passed and I am now also my fathers carer. My brother died suddenly on Boxing Day just gone which has shocked both my father and I. I... View more

Hi. I lost my mum 3 years ago next month and I lost my brother on Boxing Day 2023. I was my mother’s carer until she passed and I am now also my fathers carer. My brother died suddenly on Boxing Day just gone which has shocked both my father and I. I was aware my brother drank alcohol quite a bit but not to the extent it contributed to his death, which resulted in multi organ failure and sepsis. I have two adult children no partner and a half sister who lives overseas. I am also dealing with chronic back pain which I am getting treatment for but is very slow going as I am in the public health system. I am also helping and dealing with my 30 year old daughters health problems which has also been ongoing for a number of years but she finally has been diagnosed with an autoimmune disease. She is currently living with me. This year so far has been the hardest of my life. Dad broke his hip 5 days after my brother passed which resulted in a 2 month stay in hospital and a further 2 months staying with me until I could get his place modified to suit his new way of life. My daughter was in and out of hospital with her condition. I was diagnosed with skin cancer(which has successfully been cut out) and all whilst dealing with my brothers estate as he had no will, no partner and no kids. Recently I’ve been feeling that I’ve lost my way and wondering if I have dealt with things,as I thought I was coping well. I have no motivation, have put on weight due to unhealthy eating habits and generally feel low. I am currently on a bit of medication for pain which also includes a antidepressant. I constantly have flashbacks of my brother in the emergency department hooked up to all kinds of machines while I sat next to him holding his hand. Eventually he was intubated and airlifted to a bigger hospital and within less then 24hours I had to make the call to take him off life support. I am so angry at him for the way he went. There were so many lies told by him and if only he had told someone this could have been avoided.I feel guilty I wasn’t able to help him or if I had checked in more with him I could have helped. I feel torn between caring for my dad and my daughter that I feel I have lost myself in amongst all the chaos. I’m really hoping to get some ideas on coping with everything and getting back to a new normal.

ABC01 I miss him so much today.
  • replies: 9

Hi,I lost my beloved cat nearly 7 weeks ago. I was devoted to him for the 3 and a half years I had him. He was killed and I have been devastated and dealing with my grief on a daily basis. Today,I just miss him so much. I feel like I need a cat in my... View more

Hi,I lost my beloved cat nearly 7 weeks ago. I was devoted to him for the 3 and a half years I had him. He was killed and I have been devastated and dealing with my grief on a daily basis. Today,I just miss him so much. I feel like I need a cat in my life,but I am just looking for him in every cat I see. I know I can never have him back,but I just long for him. It is the worst pain. Everything is so silent now. That makes me miss him harder. I also feel now like I want to eat everything in my path to help deal. Thank you for hearing me.ABC01

RK23 Anticipatory Grief and Losing my Mum
  • replies: 7

Hi, first off I hope this subject fits into this forum. Recently my mum has been told she most likely has Cancer in her Gallbladder, Kidney and Lower Bowel. Although she is strong and survived Breast cancer before, this new diagnosis is grim. She has... View more

Hi, first off I hope this subject fits into this forum. Recently my mum has been told she most likely has Cancer in her Gallbladder, Kidney and Lower Bowel. Although she is strong and survived Breast cancer before, this new diagnosis is grim. She has put on a brave face and swears she will fight it, but I can tell that unlike 15 years ago she doubts she has the strength this time. She is 76 turning 77 in November and even before this latest news she was getting frail.We have always been close. She has always been there for me no matter what, and I talk to her everyday. I go to her for everything. I depend on hearing her voice every morning on the phone. I can tell she worries about leaving me behind because we have always had a special connection. I keep a brave face in front of her because I know if she sees me crack it will be devastating for her. I can't talk to her about the way I am feeling like I used to for obvious reasons. I feel empty, lost, afraid and guilty. I have moments of absolute collapse and others where I find a strength I didn't know I had. I want to be strong for her the way she has always been strong for me but sometimes I doubt I have it in me. I always feared the day she would leave, and now it might just be around the corner I am terrified. The world has changed completely. I have thoughts I might not be able to go on without her here. I know these are all normal emotions that come with grief, but they hurt so much I wonder if I will ever be able to manage.Again, I'm not sure if this is the appropriate place for this post. I'm only sure that I needed to get these things off my chest. Thank you to anyone who reads this and if you are going through the same thing just know you are not alone.

ktac1689 Pain of loss
  • replies: 2

My beautiful boy is gone. Only 25 years old. The pain is immense, bottomless and all I can think is why? Why did he do this? Why didn’t he reach out? Did I fail him as a mother? How do I go on? It all seems pointless right now. He was living in anoth... View more

My beautiful boy is gone. Only 25 years old. The pain is immense, bottomless and all I can think is why? Why did he do this? Why didn’t he reach out? Did I fail him as a mother? How do I go on? It all seems pointless right now. He was living in another state so I am making arrangements from here and preparing to go there and pack up his life. I still can’t believe it, that he would leave like that. I wish I could have helped him and lessened his pain. I have support which has helped a lot. My sister especially and my two other children. We are all trying to support each other and navigate this new world. My Aunty though, when I asked for help moving my son’s furniture, misinterpreted and thought I was expecting her to arrange his service and harshly told me that “I know you are experiencing a huge loss but this is all your job as a mother”…. Yeah don’t I know it. I had already arranged his service at that point by the way. I don’t expect anyone to do anything for me and never really have. I know we are not the first and I won’t be the last to suffer a loss of this magnitude but right now it feels that way. I wish he was still here.

Summersunnic My ex-boyfriend has committed suicide
  • replies: 3

Three weeks ago my ex-boyfriend called me and asked to meet up. I was nice and polite to him in the call and said I couldn’t meet him anymore. After the conversation, he sent some weird messages like its too late, take care of my mother and some laug... View more

Three weeks ago my ex-boyfriend called me and asked to meet up. I was nice and polite to him in the call and said I couldn’t meet him anymore. After the conversation, he sent some weird messages like its too late, take care of my mother and some laughing emojis saying you will understand. I really didn’t worry about those messages at that time since he always used t0 say stuff like that. Then i went to work and called him during my break time but not answered. After two days his aunt called me and said that he has taken his own life. I am so shocked and sad and dealing with soo much emotions. I am finding the peace through prayer and taking to others. However, throughout the relationship he was very unhealthy to me and that was the reason for me to break up with him. But up until now I didn’t know that he has lied to me soo much and has had previous marriages that he didn’t tell me about. He got kids from those marriages as well. I feel so betrayed and shocked and i feel sick from top to bottom. Not only marriages he lied to a lot about himself and everything. He lied to me about his age and and i told me only after 6 months after starting the relationship. He was very much unheathy to me. i am sad for him and his family. But the family doesn’t contact me or tell me anything about him. Please can anyone tell me what is going on? I have also stated counselling.

Maggie56 My 18 year old cat died yesterday
  • replies: 10

Maggie was my life, my world. It was just her and me. I'm now surrounded by all of her things and can't think of anythng else. I just arranged her cremation. I have no-one to talk to; no family or friends. I'm seeing my GP tomorrow but am so consumed... View more

Maggie was my life, my world. It was just her and me. I'm now surrounded by all of her things and can't think of anythng else. I just arranged her cremation. I have no-one to talk to; no family or friends. I'm seeing my GP tomorrow but am so consumed by grief and guilt, it feels like my heart is breaking. I don't know how to go on without her.

Golden2024 Losing my mum
  • replies: 10

First of all, let my apologize in advanceas I don’t normally post anything anywhere and struggle putting thoughts to words sometimes but I wanted to reach out to any others that may share my experience. It’s been 2 years now since my mum passed away.... View more

First of all, let my apologize in advanceas I don’t normally post anything anywhere and struggle putting thoughts to words sometimes but I wanted to reach out to any others that may share my experience. It’s been 2 years now since my mum passed away. We were absolutely inseparable, she was my best friend and at times my savior. She was the very definition of unconditional love.I knew before she passed that it was going to hit hard and tried to prepare myself as best I could but nothing could have prepared me for what was to come. The grief seems to be getting stronger now over time along with feelings of guilt that maybe I didn’t do enough for her or spend enough time with her than I could have. I have recently moved interstate away from all my support back home and right now feel completely alone.My family and friends are close and supportive but i still feel like they will never completely understand my grief. I don’t know where to turn and feel like I have aged so much since she passed. I tell myself I will try to make her proud , she would never have wanted me to feel like this. There are many others that have gone through so much worse than I have and I am so grateful for having been blessed with such a beautiful mum.My wish is for all others that are struggling with grief find the comfort and peace that they need to get through, no one is really alone if we reach out to each other. Please take care of yourself and I will try to as well.