Grief and loss

Support and advice following the loss of a family member, partner, spouse or someone close to you.

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BeyondBlue Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
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Hey there,Welcome to the Grief and Loss section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This section is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you- providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and annivers... View more

Hey there,Welcome to the Grief and Loss section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This section is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you- providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This - and anything in between - is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to share your grief, and let others support you. Please be aware that discussions in this section of the Forums may include references to self-harm and suicide. Treat yourself gently as you read through this section. If need more immediate support, we recommend reaching out to the following: Beyond Blue Support Service – any time, chat online to a counsellor or call 1300 22 4636 Griefline – between 8am and 8pm (AEST), call 1300 845 745 to chat with a specially trained volunteer You are not alone in this, and we are here to support one another. Thank you for being here. Kind regards,Beyond Blue

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danmath My 23 year old son committed suicide
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He struggled with feelings of shame and despair that he felt he couldn’t share with us. Something happened to him at age 10. Although we tried to get him to open up to us he just couldn’t. We tried many times over the years.He finally shared his stru... View more

He struggled with feelings of shame and despair that he felt he couldn’t share with us. Something happened to him at age 10. Although we tried to get him to open up to us he just couldn’t. We tried many times over the years.He finally shared his struggles with his mother earlier this year, but made her promise not to tell anyone - not even me. I put 2 and 2 together though. Finally, on the 15th of this month he ended his life. His mother blames herself. I don’t. She was in such a difficult situation, and thought if she broke her promise to him he’d attempt suicide. I think he stuck around for a few more months for us. He loved his family. But he believed that, given his issues, he would never be able to have a girlfriend and a family of his own. And that was all he ever wanted.I think living with such issues tired him out. And he thought that suicide was the only way to rest.I love and miss my boy. He learned to carry himself with grace and dignity despite his struggles. He was an exceptional person.I feel so exhausted and sad. In the last couple of weeks we’ve dealt with police and coroner, funeral and memorial, collecting ashes and starting grief counselling. I suppose in writing this I’d like to hear from other people who wish to share their experiences.

StillTrying Struggling to cope after losing my relationship
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Hi everyone. I'm really struggling and hoping to hear from people who have been through something similar.When I was 18, I was in an exclusive long-distance relationship. My partner and I hadn't met in person yet. Early in the relationship, I crossed... View more

Hi everyone. I'm really struggling and hoping to hear from people who have been through something similar.When I was 18, I was in an exclusive long-distance relationship. My partner and I hadn't met in person yet. Early in the relationship, I crossed relationship boundaries with someone else online. There was some flirting, I sent a couple of intimate photos, and it lasted for about a month from what I remember. I never met the other person in real life.After it ended, I lied to my partner because I was scared of losing him. I kept it from him for a long time. This year, I finally told him the truth because I couldn't live with hiding it anymore and wanted to be honest, even though I knew it could cost me the relationship.My partner considers what I did cheating, and I understand why he feels that way. I know I broke his trust and hurt him deeply. He told me he forgave me and that he sees me for who I am now, but he still chose to let the relationship go because he couldn't continue after what happened.I'm devastated and finding it really hard to cope. I miss him every day, feel overwhelmed with guilt, and lately I've just felt numb. I keep wondering if this mistake defines me forever or if people can genuinely grow from something like this.I'm not posting to excuse what I did. I take responsibility for my actions. I'm just hoping to hear from people who have been through something similar. Do you think what I did would be considered cheating even though we hadn't met in person yet? Has anyone been able to rebuild a relationship after something like this, or if not, how did you forgive yourself and move forward?This version is honest, includes the important context, takes responsibility, and asks for support without minimizing what happened.

Keeeks84 Lost...
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Hi All,In 2012 I lost my Mum to a 4.5 year battle with Cancer. That was hard enough. 2 weeks ago I lost my Dad to cancer.He was diagnosed just before Easter with stage 4 lung cancer. There were no symptoms at all until a few weeks before. We were tol... View more

Hi All,In 2012 I lost my Mum to a 4.5 year battle with Cancer. That was hard enough. 2 weeks ago I lost my Dad to cancer.He was diagnosed just before Easter with stage 4 lung cancer. There were no symptoms at all until a few weeks before. We were told he had 6 months. He then went downhill so fast and we lost him in mid June. I was there...I saw him go. Why do I still feel like it's not real? I am still trying to get my head around it.I am struggling. How to I live without both of my parents now? I feel so lost.I would call Dad about everything - now I don't have anyone to tell stupid things to.

Renie Help missing him
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Hi my partner passed away 2 months ago we separated 8 weeks prior . He did have me as next kin and a photo of me in his wallet and us on his bedside table .i have since discovered he cheated on me last year . Which has been heartbreaking . I still lo... View more

Hi my partner passed away 2 months ago we separated 8 weeks prior . He did have me as next kin and a photo of me in his wallet and us on his bedside table .i have since discovered he cheated on me last year . Which has been heartbreaking . I still love and miss him .

Alecia1407 Been through too much
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introduction and Information. I recently sent my Phycologist an Email just explaining the terror and time line of horror and abuse I went through. I’m 38. And I have no support so I thought I’d post it on here on the forums, in hopes that I can get s... View more

introduction and Information. I recently sent my Phycologist an Email just explaining the terror and time line of horror and abuse I went through. I’m 38. And I have no support so I thought I’d post it on here on the forums, in hopes that I can get some comforting support in between the time I see him and Now. . I am presenting to you as a private patient because the public mental health system government clinics have severely failed to understand my needs, misread my complex trauma history, and neglected my critical need for healing and comfort. have experienced wrongful psychiatric detentions for up to six weeks at a time where my reality was dismissed. I am seeking private, independent care to bypass these system failures and safely rebuild my life.Below is the exact timeline of the chronic physical, emotional, and housing trauma I have survived :Childhood & Teenage Years (Family Instability): My parents divorced when I was a child. I have not been close to my father since I was 15 years old. My mother constantly kicked me out of home, forcing me into survival mode at a very young age. Because of this extreme instability, I was deeply isolated, had not had a proper boyfriend since age 19, and had been completely cut off from all of my friends for four years by the time I turned 22. 2009–2012 (Severe Physical Domestic Violence - Andrew): Met Andrew when I was 22 and highly vulnerable. For three consecutive years, he physically assaulted me every single fortnight. The police were involved multiple times, and Andrew was arrested repeatedly for these assaults. In 2012, SAPOL issued a lifetime Apprehended Violence Order (AVO) against him 2013 (Andrew's Remand, Joel, & Trauma): Andrew breached my safety and assaulted me one final time in 2013, resulting in his arrest. He was subsequently placed in the remand centre due to unpaid DUI and breeching the intervention Order. Later that year, I met Joel on online. He violently assaulted me, and I went through a painful abortion in September 2013. Joel shattered my personality and psychologically manipulated me into believing I was mentally unwell, deliberately pushing me to seek psychiatric intervention. He later confessed in writing via email that he intentionally "sucked the life, psychologically" out of me and was not sorry 2014–2018 (Systemic Institutional Failure & Medical Gaslighting): Crushed by Joel and homeless, I reached out to my father to reconnect and seek safety. My dad did not know that Joel had psychologically pushed and manipulated me into going to those clinics. My dad took me to government mental health clinics, where I was placed on medication for PTSD. When I presented to the Emergency Department in a severe crisis, staff laughed at me and labeled me "confused." They failed to see that Joel was still actively taunting and emailing me every five weeks while I was homeless. This initiated a four-year cycle of wrongful, involuntary public psychiatric detentions lasting up to six weeks at a time .2016–2020 (Family Abuse & Legal Betrayal): In 2016, my mother—who has a history of severe intoxication—entered a relationship with Joel’s stepbrother, fully knowing what Joel had done to me. That same year, she assaulted me, falsely reported to the police that I had attacked her, and took out a fraudulent AVO against me, which was finally removed in 2020 2014–2022 (Physical Survival Shutdown & Severe Housing Instability): Spent nearly a decade in a chronic "freeze" response, spending days in bed to survive. Due to continuous trauma and fleeing unsafe environments, I have moved addresses 55 times over the last 14 years, handling trailers and applications entirely alone. During this time, I endured over 25 surgeries in public hospitals. My family dismissed this pain, forcing me to take taxis home from operations completely alone. I have not had regular intimacy or a safe relationship during this decade of survival. Current Status (February 2026–Present): On February 6th, I secured a brand-new, Housing Property.

Ember_Glow Grief, the deaths of loved ones, and the gradual attempts at moving on.
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I know 11 poeple who have died. From 2015 to this year, 2016. I'm only 16. It's too much. I try to count them. I can't let myself forget them. If I do then it's like they've never lived at all and thats not fair to them. If theyre all dead why can't ... View more

I know 11 poeple who have died. From 2015 to this year, 2016. I'm only 16. It's too much. I try to count them. I can't let myself forget them. If I do then it's like they've never lived at all and thats not fair to them. If theyre all dead why can't I be too? One of the ones that died (I'm gonna refer to them as K) was my mum's best friend. She was like a second mum to me. She was my best friends mum. She died on the 7t of May, 2022. It has been over 4 years. Her husband has moved on. He has a new partner now. The partner is pregnant. It feels like it's too soon. I can't cope. My bestfriend is gonna have a stepbrother. He already has a llittle brother (2 years younger than us). It's too much. It's too soon. It feels like theyre moving on. Forgetting her. And I'm stuck in the past. Unable to fully forget. Unable to move on. How do I get through this? I wanna be happy again.

Guest_97760106 Grief
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My baby girl died today. I can't help with feel the pain that I wasnt there in her final moments. What helps you cope.

My baby girl died today. I can't help with feel the pain that I wasnt there in her final moments. What helps you cope.

Missmymum Lost my mum
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My mum passed away Wednesday night suddenly and I’m not coping. She was my best friend and only support. I don’t know what I’m gonna do without her, and I’m terrified. I promised her I wouldn’t give up when she passed but it’s so hard. Does anyone kn... View more

My mum passed away Wednesday night suddenly and I’m not coping. She was my best friend and only support. I don’t know what I’m gonna do without her, and I’m terrified. I promised her I wouldn’t give up when she passed but it’s so hard. Does anyone know anything that could help me, please?

Rach28 Surrender pet aftermath
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Hi everyone. I'm really struggling a month after surrendering my pet. Today I found out he's with a foster carer and up for adoption. My heart is literally broken once again. Has anyone else had to make the heartbreaking decision to surrender your pe... View more

Hi everyone. I'm really struggling a month after surrendering my pet. Today I found out he's with a foster carer and up for adoption. My heart is literally broken once again. Has anyone else had to make the heartbreaking decision to surrender your pet/best friend and are you struggling with the news that your pet is being cared for by someone else and will get a new mum soon. I just so badly miss being his mum beyond words. I miss it every single day... I should be the one caring for him. And I'm not... it's unfair..