Grief and loss

Support and advice following the loss of a family member, partner, spouse or someone close to you.

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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

All discussions

Maggie56 My 18 year old cat died yesterday
  • replies: 6

Maggie was my life, my world. It was just her and me. I'm now surrounded by all of her things and can't think of anythng else. I just arranged her cremation. I have no-one to talk to; no family or friends. I'm seeing my GP tomorrow but am so consumed... View more

Maggie was my life, my world. It was just her and me. I'm now surrounded by all of her things and can't think of anythng else. I just arranged her cremation. I have no-one to talk to; no family or friends. I'm seeing my GP tomorrow but am so consumed by grief and guilt, it feels like my heart is breaking. I don't know how to go on without her.

Chlobear Hard times
  • replies: 1

I have been going through a break up and im sure everyone on here knows how hard it can be, especially if you were really attached to the person. Im struggling to feel better at all and looking for anyone to talk to as i have no friends and no family... View more

I have been going through a break up and im sure everyone on here knows how hard it can be, especially if you were really attached to the person. Im struggling to feel better at all and looking for anyone to talk to as i have no friends and no family to talk to or go see to distract myself. Im not sleeping and my negative feelings and thoughts are tormenting me each night i wake up 3:45am unable to go back to sleep.

Rach28 Surrender pet aftermath
  • replies: 10

Hi everyone. I'm really struggling a month after surrendering my pet. Today I found out he's with a foster carer and up for adoption. My heart is literally broken once again. Has anyone else had to make the heartbreaking decision to surrender your pe... View more

Hi everyone. I'm really struggling a month after surrendering my pet. Today I found out he's with a foster carer and up for adoption. My heart is literally broken once again. Has anyone else had to make the heartbreaking decision to surrender your pet/best friend and are you struggling with the news that your pet is being cared for by someone else and will get a new mum soon. I just so badly miss being his mum beyond words. I miss it every single day... I should be the one caring for him. And I'm not... it's unfair..

pawsy panic connected to grief
  • replies: 2

i had a mini panic attack in my guitar class today. i suddenly couldnt read the music and i couldnt get back on track and just completely closed down. i have no idea why it happened. there was no trigger. it felt bad. i felt stupid or like maybe i ha... View more

i had a mini panic attack in my guitar class today. i suddenly couldnt read the music and i couldnt get back on track and just completely closed down. i have no idea why it happened. there was no trigger. it felt bad. i felt stupid or like maybe i have dementia or something. afterwards i have just been thinking about how i miss my mum who died in october last year. i feel like i am never going to get over the pain of her dying. my dad died too in the same year and the years running up to when they died were so hard. it feels like i died with them in a way and i will never get strong again and i cant even read music or play the guitar which is one of the things i cling onto and did while they were dying. it feels like these things are connected. can panic arise from grief? it's been seven months since my mum died and i feel worse than ever.

Bunny My 20yo cat just died and I feel lost
  • replies: 6

My girl got me through so much, she would warn me when I would be about to have a seizure (epilepsy) and would never leave my side. I slept with her, ate beside her, sat with her all day, I spoke to her and held her, she was my rescue and I was hers.... View more

My girl got me through so much, she would warn me when I would be about to have a seizure (epilepsy) and would never leave my side. I slept with her, ate beside her, sat with her all day, I spoke to her and held her, she was my rescue and I was hers. I have grieved before but I have never lost a part of me that I have had for 20 years (longer than I haven't had her). I don't know how to live without her. Life is just feeling impossible. For a number of reasons. My mum is going through chemo, I found out she needs a single mastectomy and I'll need a double mastectomy in my 30s. I've lost one ovary already and just found out I'm probably losing my other one. Everything is falling apart. I don't know what to do. I'm really only still here for my wonderful partner. I'd be lost without him but don't want to become a burden. He is already my carer as I have heart failure. I don't know how to get through this. I don't know how to keep going. I'm really just getting by hour by hour. I am very open with him about my mental state and know the importance of voicing even the hardest ideations. But I'm feeling like things are just too much. I feel so utterly broken and so completely defeated. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to keep going.

JustAnYtka Lost my childhood dog
  • replies: 2

Three days ago my dog, that my family has has since I was 6, had a stroke with absolutely no warning. The next day we had to euthanize him. We'd had him for over 10 year. 5 months ago we lost his brother, due to cancer. We had a week with him to say ... View more

Three days ago my dog, that my family has has since I was 6, had a stroke with absolutely no warning. The next day we had to euthanize him. We'd had him for over 10 year. 5 months ago we lost his brother, due to cancer. We had a week with him to say goodbye and process what was about to happen, but with Baxter, it just happened, and we couldn't let him suffer. It was a bit easier when his brother passed, because we had him to cuddle and distract ourselves with. We don't have that this time. I've been staying up until as late at 8am, because I can't deal with the silence in my brain that happens when I try to sleep. So I wait until I'm exhausted and fall asleep instantly. Everywhere I look, I'm reminded of his absence. His beds, his water bowl, his fur covering everything. This is the worst pain I've ever felt and I don't know if I can keep dealing with this.

Guest_65607549 Everything feels different now
  • replies: 1

Last year we got the terrible news that our mum didn’t have long to live , so I quit my job and left my home to come back to be with her in this time . We lost her early this year and I’m struggling … I dont at all regret the decision I made to move ... View more

Last year we got the terrible news that our mum didn’t have long to live , so I quit my job and left my home to come back to be with her in this time . We lost her early this year and I’m struggling … I dont at all regret the decision I made to move home to be close to my family over this time . But it’s been tough. I don’t love my job and I’m struggling financially with my mortgage back home and paying rent here , while also just worrying about my dad and him being alone. I spend all my time with him . And I’m just struggling to know where I fit back in . I have been gone for so long my friends all have lives of their own . How do u pick urself up and move on with so much change.

Suzie_Q Losing husband
  • replies: 1

Last year in February I started chatting to a guy through tinder. He was going through cancer treatment so we held off on meeting but come June, we finally met. He was done with his treatment and in the clear. Little did we know 2 months later we fou... View more

Last year in February I started chatting to a guy through tinder. He was going through cancer treatment so we held off on meeting but come June, we finally met. He was done with his treatment and in the clear. Little did we know 2 months later we found out the cancer had returned and it was aggressive. Long story short, lots of hospitals trips/scans/appointments and treatment. September before he went in for surgery, he proposed just 3 months after we got together. It was the easiest yes. We planned for a March 2024 wedding but with some more bad news we brought it forward and got married in October. At the start of January 2024 he ended up in the hospital for 2 weeks and then came home, we thought he was on the mend but little did we know when I had to call and ambulance and they took him away on the Monday that he wouldn’t be coming home and passing away not even a week later. We only got to spend 7 months together in total, in that short amount of time I got to become a wife, now I’m a widow at 27 years old. I’m so lost without him, before I met him I was still living at home with my parents but when we found out his cancer was back I moved in to his house with him. Now I’m in his house all alone. It’s coming up 5 months since he has been gone and I’m so lonely and missing that emotional connection. I worry I won’t ever be able to find something like what me and him had ever again. It was special. Majority of my “family” have not been as supportive as I thought they would be. I’ve had to cut some of them off social media. I feel like im the insane one and I’m the one being ridiculous but at the same time it’s so unfair they haven’t just been here for me and I can’t cope with the no support at the moment. I’m angry, sad, frustrated, everything but happy.

smallwolf Reflection on the death of Dad
  • replies: 67

My father passed away last Wednesday after a short battle with Parkinson’s disease. He was only in palliative care for less than a week before he died, having moved into an aged care facility just two months prior. His health deteriorated rapidly tho... View more

My father passed away last Wednesday after a short battle with Parkinson’s disease. He was only in palliative care for less than a week before he died, having moved into an aged care facility just two months prior. His health deteriorated rapidly those last few days, and I said my goodbye on the Saturday before his passing. I even have a picture from this time. Grief is complex and personal, touching each of us differently. The famous stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance – were originally applied to those facing their own mortality, not grieving loved ones. Somehow that changed over time, and we now use those stages to understand mourning too. But it’s not so simple or linear. People oscillate between emotions, sometimes feeling several at once. For me, there is acceptance of my father’s passing, mixed with relief his suffering is over. But there is no anger or depression yet, though it may come. Our relationship was complicated. He was not one for heartfelt talks or confiding emotions. We had little in common, divergent worldviews and interests. He was not my closest confidant; we struggled connecting on a deeper level. Does that make him a bad father? No, just a product of his generation and life experiences. But it leaves me unsure how to feel about his loss. There is sadness, yes, but also distance. I mourn the relationship we could have had as much as the one we did. Still, his passing has affected me in unexpected ways. My sleep is disrupted, concentration wavering. I feel foggy, prone to mistakes and forgetfulness. These are only visible in action and behaviour. Minor frustrations set me off. And apologies to those concerned. This hypersensitivity and emotional deregulation catches me off guard. Grief manifests itself in the body and mind, even when the heart feels conflicted. The loss of a parent, however imperfect, shakes us at a core level. Right now, I have the feeling of a lump in my throat. It represents the loss of our youth, of the version of ourselves who still had a father. It is perhaps a reminder of our own mortality. Our bodies rebel against these existential threats through sleeplessness, agitation, and lapses in focus. And apologies to those concerned.

Guest23 Unwanted abortion.
  • replies: 1

I fell pregnant November last year. I knew I wanted it. The father (my long term casual partner) absolutely did not and was very persistent on termination. We went back and forth for so long. I agreed to look into it. I’ll be honest I was 22, he’s mo... View more

I fell pregnant November last year. I knew I wanted it. The father (my long term casual partner) absolutely did not and was very persistent on termination. We went back and forth for so long. I agreed to look into it. I’ll be honest I was 22, he’s more than double that, we aren’t serious, I have a lot going on and our relationship has a lot of complications. It was never the way I wanted to become a mother. Time went on and I became a mess. I was so sick all the time, I was so emotional, I was sad and angry. I had never been more conflicted. I would find myself agreeing with him and then screaming at him for even suggesting it. I looked into it, I didn’t want it. I was so sure but every-time he spoke to me about it I would find myself giving in and agreeing in the moment. I felt guilty that he didn’t want it, that I was forcing him, that I was bringing a baby into the world who’s dad already stated he wouldn’t be there. All of the appointments were being messed around and dragged out. A simple prescription became a procedure that I made clear from the start I would never do. Yet one day I was crying in the car after another appointment and he was on the phone digging in and we booked the abortion appointment. Like it was nothing. I didn’t stop crying. I went and I cried, I nodded and I signed the papers, I paid the money, I cried harder. A nurse asked me if I was sure but I can’t remember if I answered her. All I remember next was waking up on the table screaming at them where my baby was and please tell me it’s okay. The only reply was that the procedure went well and that was the end of me. I have never felt so disgusting, so horrified by myself, so guilty and worthless of living. I feel like every moment since then I have been grieving a loss that I have no right to grieve yet it consumes me. I can’t forgive myself. I’m finding it so hard to continue. I keep punishing myself but it’s not going to change anything. i made the biggest mistake of my life and it was the biggest loss. I am pro choice. I would never shame another woman for having the procedure themselves.