Grief and loss

Support and advice following the loss of a family member, partner, spouse or someone close to you.

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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

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smallwolf Reflection on the death of Dad
  • replies: 42

My father passed away last Wednesday after a short battle with Parkinson’s disease. He was only in palliative care for less than a week before he died, having moved into an aged care facility just two months prior. His health deteriorated rapidly tho... View more

My father passed away last Wednesday after a short battle with Parkinson’s disease. He was only in palliative care for less than a week before he died, having moved into an aged care facility just two months prior. His health deteriorated rapidly those last few days, and I said my goodbye on the Saturday before his passing. I even have a picture from this time. Grief is complex and personal, touching each of us differently. The famous stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance – were originally applied to those facing their own mortality, not grieving loved ones. Somehow that changed over time, and we now use those stages to understand mourning too. But it’s not so simple or linear. People oscillate between emotions, sometimes feeling several at once. For me, there is acceptance of my father’s passing, mixed with relief his suffering is over. But there is no anger or depression yet, though it may come. Our relationship was complicated. He was not one for heartfelt talks or confiding emotions. We had little in common, divergent worldviews and interests. He was not my closest confidant; we struggled connecting on a deeper level. Does that make him a bad father? No, just a product of his generation and life experiences. But it leaves me unsure how to feel about his loss. There is sadness, yes, but also distance. I mourn the relationship we could have had as much as the one we did. Still, his passing has affected me in unexpected ways. My sleep is disrupted, concentration wavering. I feel foggy, prone to mistakes and forgetfulness. These are only visible in action and behaviour. Minor frustrations set me off. And apologies to those concerned. This hypersensitivity and emotional deregulation catches me off guard. Grief manifests itself in the body and mind, even when the heart feels conflicted. The loss of a parent, however imperfect, shakes us at a core level. Right now, I have the feeling of a lump in my throat. It represents the loss of our youth, of the version of ourselves who still had a father. It is perhaps a reminder of our own mortality. Our bodies rebel against these existential threats through sleeplessness, agitation, and lapses in focus. And apologies to those concerned.

Corr Grief
  • replies: 1

My Dad passed August last year. He had a terminal illness and was lucky to have kept going until last year. It still feels like a shock to have lost him and that it was sudden.My Mum is still around and my siblings. I just feel that I have lost a con... View more

My Dad passed August last year. He had a terminal illness and was lucky to have kept going until last year. It still feels like a shock to have lost him and that it was sudden.My Mum is still around and my siblings. I just feel that I have lost a constant in my life as my parents were always there and now one has gone on ahead. Some days are harder than others and I dream of my Dad coming home and things returning to how they were. It feels so realistic that waking up and realising it isn't is surreal. I don't feel comfortable opening up to my Mum about this as she seems fragile. I don't know if I can talk to my siblings about it as it feels odd to do so.

TeenieWeenie Finding Myself after a loss
  • replies: 2

My husband passed age 46 of cancer 2.5 years ago and instead of things getting easier I find it’s getting harder. Today I just come to the hard truth that I will never be anyone’s first choice ever again. I am feeling more lonely than ever before. I ... View more

My husband passed age 46 of cancer 2.5 years ago and instead of things getting easier I find it’s getting harder. Today I just come to the hard truth that I will never be anyone’s first choice ever again. I am feeling more lonely than ever before. I struggle to leave the house only for work and groceries other than that I stay home. I feel I am constantly working either at work or around the house. I never have fun anymore I don’t even know what that looks like now. Anyone else feel the same?

Toymanpete My Mum Died Yesterday
  • replies: 5

Hello. I'm writing this with a broken heart because my mum died at 3:21 yesterday morning of lung cancer caused by smoking. We had always lived together for all of my 42 years & I don't know how I'm going to go on without her. It was all so very sudd... View more

Hello. I'm writing this with a broken heart because my mum died at 3:21 yesterday morning of lung cancer caused by smoking. We had always lived together for all of my 42 years & I don't know how I'm going to go on without her. It was all so very sudden- on Australia day she told me she was crook with a headache & diarrhoea & soon after, she developed a hacking cough with blood. I called the doctor's office but the receptionist told me "Call back in May" & hung up! That arvo, the paramedics ended up taking her to the local hospital (we live in a country town). The doctor there, a local GP (Not our GP) had a CT scan done & called our family in but he had a shocking bedside manner- he very quickly told us she had cancer "Here, here & here" & told mum she "Didn't have to make a decision now". They stupidly discharged her the next arvo with the only follow-up being a standard GP appointment in April!, as well as prescriptions for 2 utterly useless fluid pills, for her swollen legs. On Sunday, she got really crook. Hot & cold, in & out of sleep. I rang 000 & the paramedics took her to the big hospital 1 hour away. The doctors & nurses there were in disbelief at what the GP had done. My family drove up soon after & we stayed until 2AM, before we drove back, but she died 90mins later. Now I'm here at home alone & don't know how to go on. Thank you for listening.

ErinDay Grief and Depression
  • replies: 1

My husband passed away 18 months ago. He was 34. Our daughter was 9 months old. My husband was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer and I cared for him. He passed away in our bedroom next to me. I fell asleep curled up next to him until his mum came i... View more

My husband passed away 18 months ago. He was 34. Our daughter was 9 months old. My husband was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer and I cared for him. He passed away in our bedroom next to me. I fell asleep curled up next to him until his mum came into the room distressed that I hadn’t called the funeral director to collect him. I just didn’t want to let him go. I miss him and feel lonely. I keep playing things over and over in my head. The brutal chemo treatment, seeing him upset and cry because he wasn’t going to see his daughter grow up, him being confused due to the drugs and toxin in his body, and other horrible stuff as his body failed him. I can’t sleep, I get stressed and am depressed. I use alcohol to forget and turn my brain off. It’s an awful cycle, wake up, coffee, screaming kid, work, screaming kid, wine, disturbed sleep, wake up and so on. I don’t want to drink, I just don’t know how to turn my brain off. I don’t want to remember. Even the good memories are painful . He would be so disappointed in me.

BabyDepression07 Loss of my Mother
  • replies: 2

im 28 years old and have 3 younger siblings aged 22 and a twin brother n sister who r now 9.we suffered an unexpected loss of our mother a year ago and i have no idea still how im suppose to deal with it.I have lost all my family as none of them talk... View more

im 28 years old and have 3 younger siblings aged 22 and a twin brother n sister who r now 9.we suffered an unexpected loss of our mother a year ago and i have no idea still how im suppose to deal with it.I have lost all my family as none of them talk to me sinc it happend, my 22 year old brother has custody of the twins. he and i dont talk anymore. no one in my family even comes to see me or ask how i am. my Bipolar is really hitting hard some days. i dont know what i have done wrong or y everyone stays away from me. im so lost n feel so alone. IS THIS NORMAL OR AM I GOING CRAZY????

naralle I really miss my mother
  • replies: 5

My mum and I were really close when I was living at home, but when I decided to move out things really changed. My mum wasn't herself and when I went to visit her and dad but when I met my future husband well things completely changed. My mum and dad... View more

My mum and I were really close when I was living at home, but when I decided to move out things really changed. My mum wasn't herself and when I went to visit her and dad but when I met my future husband well things completely changed. My mum and dad have cut me off and it's been like it since 2004 and my sisters don't wont anything to do with me, so basically my family have cut me off all because I left home and I'm in morning for losing my mum even though she hasn't passed away. I miss my mum so much it hurts, I've written to my mum 3 times and no reply. I think my father might have something to do with it as we never really got a long. I always new that I was the black sheep of the family. In my father's eyes I couldn't mount to anything, I was a big disappointment to him. But honestly I was more close to my mother than anything else and since 2004 I haven't been the same since. That part of my heart has been left empty and hurting since and I don't want to mean to be nasty but when my father does pass away I want to be able to go to my mum and say why? I do love my dad but he made my life impossible. I'm also wondering if my dad had a hard up bring with his dad? Anyway thank you for listening

lemonadetears is grieving the loss of yourself a thing or am I crazy?
  • replies: 2

years ago I almost died but I dont feel like I'm the same person after it. there's so many better things about who I am now and I like myself way more... but I also kind of mourn the loss of the person I was. it's as if I lost my innocence, lost my f... View more

years ago I almost died but I dont feel like I'm the same person after it. there's so many better things about who I am now and I like myself way more... but I also kind of mourn the loss of the person I was. it's as if I lost my innocence, lost my faith in myself and lost that person I used to be. to cope, I even changed my name as it helped recognise the person I am now rather than being seen as the person I used to be, but there's also just some sadness and grief that comes with having almost entirely detached from who you used to be in the span of what, a couple hours? there's so many things from my old self that have continued on, but these things aren't good, such as unresolved traumas and unresolved insecurities. I'm trying to work on it, but idk, I almost feel like I'm broken for mourning... the person I used to be? is grieving the loss of yourself a thing or am I mad?

Bronwynne A new normal
  • replies: 4

My husband suicided almost a year ago in February on our daughters 14th birthday in her bedroom My daughter attempted suicide in July last year I am struggling with a lot of emotions, my daughter says she hates me, hardly calls me Mum anymore, just u... View more

My husband suicided almost a year ago in February on our daughters 14th birthday in her bedroom My daughter attempted suicide in July last year I am struggling with a lot of emotions, my daughter says she hates me, hardly calls me Mum anymore, just uses my first name, says she wishes I was dead and blames me for her complex ptsd which I have also been diagnosed with I have no family here they are all interstate I feel all alone have no close friends I can talk to just feel so lost and alone Xmas last year was so hard with it just being my daughter and myself I don't want a repeat of that

Lost_puppy Gone not forgotten
  • replies: 1

Once apon a time there was a little girl from a poor family she had an older brother mum & dad. Mum was mentally ill & didn't really like her daughter, dad was a drunk at times & a brute who was not scared to beat on the mother... mum would turn a bl... View more

Once apon a time there was a little girl from a poor family she had an older brother mum & dad. Mum was mentally ill & didn't really like her daughter, dad was a drunk at times & a brute who was not scared to beat on the mother... mum would turn a blind eye & a family FRIEND SA'd the little girl a few times ...she grew up having many struggles to overcome alone until her first baby born didn't make it ...she was never the same after that day...broken homeless & alone again she met a boy & thier family took her in .. she had a child to him gorgeous & much loved daughter but after a few years the relationship ended & sadly the grandmothers took that young girl of her. I was stricken with grief again & in a new relationship with a alcoholic narcissist, she fought hard for her daughter back but that took 2 years . She wasn't a bad mother didn't do drugs or drink & had abundance of love to give... years passed & 2 more girls. She had her 3 girls & a terribly abusive relationship finally it ended but with parental alienation he took one of those girls. I was malnutrished & broken again not long after my eldest girl went back to live with one eyed grandmother who loved the girl but hated her own daughter...then after years of recovering mu remaining daughter & I had wonderful years together all the while trying to get her other daughters back as 1 loving family .she had 1 last child ...after getting allot older & still single & much soul searching couldn't bring herself to end the pregnancy a magnificent baby boy came & she was for the first time the best version of herself...she recently left the peaceful place she lived to return back to the country where her other daughters were living believing if she could just be closer to them they all could spend time with each other... & we do & all my children feel more loved than ever & they love me back .perfect... but the rest of the family are still the same vindictive people & im struggling with that, & I'm suffering anxiety & missing my peacefully home & wish one day to return but knowing my other kids will not go there ...