Immediate support
Immediate support

Grief and loss

Support and advice following the loss of a family member, partner, spouse or someone close to you.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

All discussions

Start a discussion

OnandOff Struggling with Liam Payne's Death (from a POV of an older male fan)
  • replies: 10

I'm a 44 gay Asian dude living in Australia. Normally I don't even like Boybands and I had thought I grew out of it years ago. However, a friend introduced 1D to me many years ago and then I started listening to their music and watching their cute sm... View more

I'm a 44 gay Asian dude living in Australia. Normally I don't even like Boybands and I had thought I grew out of it years ago. However, a friend introduced 1D to me many years ago and then I started listening to their music and watching their cute smiley faces on all the videos and it made me feel really happy. So when I chill I used to, and still do have some of their songs on my playlist, when I work I sometimes have that in the background too. Some of the songs are really uplifting and just talk about life and growing up. Then they broke up and I wasn't even sad, I just thought, cool I get to listen to them individually. They all have different styles and I enjoyed all of them. In terms of looks, I liked Liam the most, he seems kind, deep, passionate, funny and has a dark side to him that appeals to me (similar to how I feel about myself sometimes). As he grew and got into fashion and modelling I also liked what he did, very attractive boy who was growing up to be a broody man. To be honest, I have not followed him for a while, only until recently when an article came out talking about how his look changed. At the back of my mind, I just went, ok great people change, at least he is still alright and doing stuff. I don't know him but I wish him well. Then I woke up and found out about the news on my phone that day and my heart broke. I doesn't feel real and I am struggling to cope with it. I feel like my grief is alone as I am not a young girl/boy who grew up with this band, just another generation who happen to like him. I feel like I don't belong in this group of people mourning him. I talk to my partner about it and he just listens, he doesn't know 1D or Liam well but he just listens to me which is nice. However, I still feel like I want to talk to someone about it. I mentioned Liam's passing to my friends and most of them are in the same age with me, would simply say yes it is sad and they move on. So I am REALLY struggling to cope with this news, it made me cry all the time for the past few days, when I am at work I am ok or at the gym or with people. However when I am by myself I want to read more about what happened to him, which in turn means that I find more articles and pictures and learn more about where he was in life at the time which makes the whole thing even sadder, the new Netflix show, the future marriage, the son, the new album, him wanting to play Polo again etc. All that is gone from him.I don't know who to talk to about this, I rang Helpline support here in Australia and yes they were good but then just referred me to a counsellor which means visiting a dr then get a referral etc. I just want to share with someone how I feel and how you might suggest that I move forward on getting closure on this. I am an older fan and I feel odd and somewhat like I am the only one of this age group/demographic to be grieving him.I am not sleeping too well as his face keeps on popping into my head. I put myself in his shoes during the spiral and felt really sad about it. I don't eat well either and things around me just seem bland. Like it feels like what is the point? The fact that he is now being highlighted as a kind supportive person makes me feel even more sick, what is the point of being all that and still going the way he did. I don't want to say that I love him, more like adore him as a beautiful deep human being who happens to produce arts that I enjoy and now that he is gone, there will never be another song, another fashion shoot another videos of him and it feels empty.This is the first time I feel this way about a celebrity's death and I don't know how long it will be like this for.Thank you for reading.

ABC01 Their 1st birthday since passing...
  • replies: 2

Dear All, Tomorrow will be the first birthday of theirs, since they passed.I am terrified. What do I do?They will never get to age up tomorrow. They won't be celebrated happily, with joy and jubilation. No presents. No birthday dinner. I just can't b... View more

Dear All, Tomorrow will be the first birthday of theirs, since they passed.I am terrified. What do I do?They will never get to age up tomorrow. They won't be celebrated happily, with joy and jubilation. No presents. No birthday dinner. I just can't believe that won't happen. I have organized lighting the four candles of grief for them. But that is all. Lighting a candle can represent remembrance, honor and respect. And I booked an appointment in with my psychologist because I don't know what to do with myself. Thank-you for listening. I sometimes feel the world has forgotten him and I want him to be remembered.ABC01

Star18 Heartbroken
  • replies: 1

Oh 2024 the year my heart was broken…. A few months ago now we lost my mother in law which was a shock and last month my beautiful amazing grandma past away whom I was extremely close to… Sometimes the grief of losing my grandma is so bad that it fee... View more

Oh 2024 the year my heart was broken…. A few months ago now we lost my mother in law which was a shock and last month my beautiful amazing grandma past away whom I was extremely close to… Sometimes the grief of losing my grandma is so bad that it feels like I’m drowning … When I lost my mother in law I spoke to a grief councillor which helped but this time it’s all too hard, I haven’t cried since grandma passed and also find it hard to get back into the things I love I feel like I’m just going through the motions to keep afloat

Clauds2203 I lost my soul dog, my furbaby girl 😪
  • replies: 4

I'm really struggling! It feels like I cannot breathe. I lost my furbaby to cancer. Kaycee was only 6 years old and the love of my life. Everything is so hard at the moment. I keep thinking of her. I just want to sleep all the time so that I can only... View more

I'm really struggling! It feels like I cannot breathe. I lost my furbaby to cancer. Kaycee was only 6 years old and the love of my life. Everything is so hard at the moment. I keep thinking of her. I just want to sleep all the time so that I can only dream of her. I am really struggling

ABC01 Change of Season blues.
  • replies: 17

Dear All, I don’t know if the season changing is the catalyst,but I see my passed loved one every where. The memories are flooding in and I am just so sad. I have started writing down the memories that are making me sad that day. One to get them out ... View more

Dear All, I don’t know if the season changing is the catalyst,but I see my passed loved one every where. The memories are flooding in and I am just so sad. I have started writing down the memories that are making me sad that day. One to get them out and two maybe to be able to cherish them later,at some point.I just miss them incredibly. I yearn for them. They have only been gone five and a half months.Is this grieving? One of the cycles? I have been so zonked out trying to get my medication right,the depression set in. Now I may finally be stable in medication,is this months of grieving surfacing? I feel slightly out of control. Not that I am. But I feel like my feelings are ping ponging all over the place and am on the edge of crying almost always. Thank you for your time and replies,ABC01

ABC01 Today I wrote a letter to my loved one,harmful or helpful?
  • replies: 9

Hello,Today after having read for months on grief pages,that I could write a letter to my lost loved one and it maybe helpful for my grief, I wrote one.I decided not to write anything negative about their death,but to focus instead on writing about h... View more

Hello,Today after having read for months on grief pages,that I could write a letter to my lost loved one and it maybe helpful for my grief, I wrote one.I decided not to write anything negative about their death,but to focus instead on writing about how much I loved them and how they made me feel everyday. I wrote about alot of our great moments together and how it made me feel so unconditionally loved and special. I wrote how I was so proud of them and thanked them for how I was so lucky to have meet and known them. I also wrote about how our time was stolen from us and how I would have liked to have lived with them and to be together through all that time. I said goodbye. And this is the first time I have said those words to them. Goodbye means forever. It is a final meaning word. I am not sure if I have done more harm then good doing it. I shook all afternoon. They say there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Has anyone else done this before and did you find it helpful for your grief?Thank you,ABC01

ABC01 I keep dreaming of sad thoughts
  • replies: 1

Dear all, I keep having dreams lately,not every night,but someone in the dream says something along the lines of “At least you get to wake up and see ———.” That is my loved one who has passed. I don’t see my loved one in the dream,someone just says t... View more

Dear all, I keep having dreams lately,not every night,but someone in the dream says something along the lines of “At least you get to wake up and see ———.” That is my loved one who has passed. I don’t see my loved one in the dream,someone just says that in a conversation.Sometimes in my dream I recognise that they are gone and I can’t and won’t. It is still upsetting.But sometimes I don’t and I wake up with that thought in my mind and the automatic recognition that they are gone and I can’t see them is crushing. Why do dreams do that? Is there any science behind dreams? If I can’t even get relief in sleep, I am exhausted. Thank you for listening and replies. (Please note I am not alone and am receiving help for my grief).Grateful,ABC01

DolfinRock Sophie
  • replies: 19

Hi,I’m 61 and alone as alone can be.I live alone, have no friends and my entire family has disowned me because I’m, in their words “sick, depressed and boring”I have spent the last 7 years confused and wondering if this is a dream.I wasn’t always thi... View more

Hi,I’m 61 and alone as alone can be.I live alone, have no friends and my entire family has disowned me because I’m, in their words “sick, depressed and boring”I have spent the last 7 years confused and wondering if this is a dream.I wasn’t always this person. I had a moderately ok life, money, all my family seemed to love me , a great job and appeared to have plenty of friends.everything changed 7 years ago when my partner of 30 years left for someone else, this was followed by an accident that left me in hospital for 6 months and contracted an incurable bacteria and my illness/ disability, that I’ve lived with since age 21, got worse and became visually hideous. Of course I had to depend on the pension and finding a part time job. I have been to over 100 interviews but, I don’t think anyone would take a chance on me.My siblings, who was also my best friend throughout life, walked away and gathered the rest of my very large family around her, along with her new BF, SIL, BIL, and other new connections and didn’t see me as good enough to fit in this new family structure. I have spent endless days where they’re celebrating special occasions like my brother’s wedding, my mums milestone BD, as I sit staring at the sky with a crushed heart and tears in my eyes.I’m trying to find my new life without all the people I loved and lived for but it’s hard.I don’t fit in this world anymore and see it and the people in it as too good for me. I’m a burden, even to myself. I have been a kind, good, empathetic person that’s given my all to anyone who needed me. I just can’t understand my life anymore and why or how it took this turn.I hope to hear from you

Maggie56 My 18 year old cat died yesterday
  • replies: 18

Maggie was my life, my world. It was just her and me. I'm now surrounded by all of her things and can't think of anythng else. I just arranged her cremation. I have no-one to talk to; no family or friends. I'm seeing my GP tomorrow but am so consumed... View more

Maggie was my life, my world. It was just her and me. I'm now surrounded by all of her things and can't think of anythng else. I just arranged her cremation. I have no-one to talk to; no family or friends. I'm seeing my GP tomorrow but am so consumed by grief and guilt, it feels like my heart is breaking. I don't know how to go on without her.

fred2018 Grief/care advice
  • replies: 3

Hi, My mother passed away pretty abruptly a few years ago and now I live with my father. My parents were together for a long time. Who has any advice for what children ask their parents when they have lost a partner. I feel I have asked questions ie ... View more

Hi, My mother passed away pretty abruptly a few years ago and now I live with my father. My parents were together for a long time. Who has any advice for what children ask their parents when they have lost a partner. I feel I have asked questions ie are you alright and other questions but I wonder are there more questions to ask him or things to do that will help him in what his a new chapter of his life. Thanks