Grief and loss

Support and advice following the loss of a family member, partner, spouse or someone close to you.

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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

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Dean_Dharug Grieving Mum and a Partner I never had
  • replies: 3

I hope here is the right place to put this. I (27m) lost my mum about 1.5 years ago to cancer; I am an only child and she was a single parent, so I have been left alone in the family house to kinda just “deal with it” and “get on with life”. I have b... View more

I hope here is the right place to put this. I (27m) lost my mum about 1.5 years ago to cancer; I am an only child and she was a single parent, so I have been left alone in the family house to kinda just “deal with it” and “get on with life”. I have been completely unable to do that - unable to touch her things, throw anything away of hers or even use some of the shared items - to the point that I have had to buy duplicates of some stuff. Very recently (within the past few months) an ex I still cared deeply for moved in with his current partner-of-a-few-years; I fell to pieces as, not only was the man I loved sharing his life with someone else, but he was (in general) living the life I had always dreamed of, whilst I was stuck here in this seemingly endless hell. I reached my breaking point and talked to him about what “we” were; we were close and felt like a couple in all but name, but one day he just shut me out and became cold and distant. I don’t know what happened or why, but I knew what we had - so I stuck by him through the years. It was immensely painful at times, but I told myself it’d be worth it and he’d eventually come around and see I was always here for him and we’d go back to how we used to be. …That wasn’t how he saw it; he stated that he was “careless and immature” with his emotions and didn’t put proper forethought into them. As a result, what we had was “more than a friendship, but not quite a relationship”. He says that some life stuff happened and he shut a lot of people out (he says it’s a recurring problem he has) and that, when he sat down and thought, he “realised I could never take a gamble on someone I had never met before halfway across the world” (he lives in the US). He said he had a crush on me, but it never would’ve worked. Since then, a (mutual) friend has told me that the ex confided in him a bunch of reasons why we never would’ve worked - distance not being one of them. He told me that the ex I had in my mind was a fantasy, and he doesn’t exist like that. He told me that he’s been polite to me ever since he shut me out - so that he wouldn’t be the “bad guy”. I feel I’ve hit rock bottom, and I’m doing all I can to try and work my way through this, but it feel impossibly hard, working without a direction or goal. I’m aiming to start cleaning up the house, but I have no idea how to start with mum’s stuff. Likewise, I’m trying to take care of myself, but it feels pointless without my ex as the finish line. Any advice welcome.

Earthlyme Loss of my beautiful Mumma
  • replies: 10

I just recently loss my beautiful Mumma to cancer, 2/7/22, two months ago they told us it was terminal my mum turned 74 on the 1/7/22 and passed at 5:19 am in the morning, my mum was my confidant and was the only person that understood me, I feel so ... View more

I just recently loss my beautiful Mumma to cancer, 2/7/22, two months ago they told us it was terminal my mum turned 74 on the 1/7/22 and passed at 5:19 am in the morning, my mum was my confidant and was the only person that understood me, I feel so sad and heartbroken, I have comfort in knowing she believed in Jesus Christ and up in heaven celebrating but I'm never going to be or feel the same again. I lost my partner Rod 4 years ago to cancer also and just starting to get my life a little better and in some form of reality now this, my mum gone. She fought the good fight .she was a amazing inspiration woman. I'm so lost n lonely , this world feels so cold now. I will never stop loving and thinking of my Mumma, thank you for letting me vent in this forum. GOD bless you all

Socs Socs
  • replies: 2

Hi, I was diagnosed with PTSD about 2years ago. It all started after they found my older brothers remains in July 2018, he was a missing person since June 2001. After 17years they found him and I didn't deal with the bad news very well. The first 2ye... View more

Hi, I was diagnosed with PTSD about 2years ago. It all started after they found my older brothers remains in July 2018, he was a missing person since June 2001. After 17years they found him and I didn't deal with the bad news very well. The first 2years was the most difficult and I was getting help from a psychologist. They found the person who was responsible and at least we have closure. Early 2021 I was crying out for help from the inside. I was admitted to a Mental Health Facility for 2 weeks. I'm on medication for my PTSD and I am coping with the support services. It's not perfect but I accept we all have good and bad days. Thanks to whoever is reading my story I appreciate it very much because I'm a loner.

Ripcantrell Just lost my mum and and so many regrets
  • replies: 3

My mum passed away two days ago and I have not been able to accept it, probably in denial but angry too. Mum was in the UK. I did manage to see mum before she died in hospital but she was on the mend before I left and had restricted access due to cov... View more

My mum passed away two days ago and I have not been able to accept it, probably in denial but angry too. Mum was in the UK. I did manage to see mum before she died in hospital but she was on the mend before I left and had restricted access due to covid controls. I wasn't concerned as I genuinely believed I could get back in a few months to see her again. She was discharged on the day I left the UK so I felt ok about leaving. I planned to return in a few months, however, she was back in hospital within a week and took a downturn healthwise and was dead within about two weeks. I wish I had stayed and I can't stop thinking I could have done more to get her well again. I honestly think the standard of care in the hospital was poor and this opinion is shared by my sibling in the UK. I am now feeling terrible about not being there and I really miss my mum. I have let her down, took her for granted in respect of assuming she will always be there and made little effort the last few years. I gave grown up children and a wife who are great but I feel so alone in my grief. I can't show my emotion because it's not my thing and can only do this in private. I feel like I should be punished for the way I have been and deserve it. I know I have an underlying depression slowly eating away like a cancer. I also know this will be bad for those I leave behind. Grief can't be like this surely? I am thinking of the time I had with mum and memories but this anger is boiling away too. I don't know how this will end and I can only hope it will ease with time.

Nikki85 Newbie struggling with the loss of my mum
  • replies: 6

Hi my name is Nicole. I am 35. I am a mother to 3 gorgeous sons. They are 9-8-3. I'm currently struggling with the loss of my dear mother. She was only 56 :(. My mum passed away 11-11-2019. Yet another emotional wave is crashing. Missing my mum so mu... View more

Hi my name is Nicole. I am 35. I am a mother to 3 gorgeous sons. They are 9-8-3. I'm currently struggling with the loss of my dear mother. She was only 56 :(. My mum passed away 11-11-2019. Yet another emotional wave is crashing. Missing my mum so much. Feeling like I am only here because I have to be, not because I want to be. I'm feeling defeated. I'm feeling done. I struggle to get out of bed. Because sleep is the only time I feel nothing. Wish I could just sleep the rest of my life away. Feeling like I am on auto polite. On the verge of tears. Constant pain in chest. Knowing a part of me is missing. I know we aren't meant to live forever. But I didn't expect my mum to be gone so soon. This is one of the worst pains. I just want my mum back I miss the old me. I have no motivation. Trying to work out how to survive the new normal. How do you live without the one who gave you life?... This pain is seriously like no other.

Jack_Falco Loss of a child and relationship breakdown - I am doing a 90 day sobriety challenge to cope
  • replies: 7

Hi everyone, this is the first time I have posted here. My poor baby never came into this world. My ex-girlfriend, who I was with for three months was pregnant with my baby, and she wanted an abortion, and she had it. This happened over a month ago n... View more

Hi everyone, this is the first time I have posted here. My poor baby never came into this world. My ex-girlfriend, who I was with for three months was pregnant with my baby, and she wanted an abortion, and she had it. This happened over a month ago now. I grieve every day for my baby and I grieve for my relationship, secondly. It's so intense writing about this here. I don't want to offend anyone, but I'm really looking for support/advice. The poor baby. While my ex-girlfriend was pregnant she smoked and drank. I was absolutely horrified at her indifference. The poor baby never did anything to anyone. Before she was pregnant I felt we had a really nice connection and was enjoying getting to know her. But, I guess time pacifies everything. Everytime I think about missing her, I think, she chose to abort the baby I wanted to have and she treated it really terribly while she as pregnant, then I have absolutely no inclination to call her. I just want to acknowledge that I can vent here and express my opinions, but I recognise that my baby will never be able to, which absolutely breaks me heart. I feel incredibly selfish. Whenever I have a relationship breakdown, I quickly go onto internet dating. I don't want to do this. I want to take 90 days off from dating, and also 90 days off from alcohol. Since the abortion, I have been drinking more and mixing alcohol with medication. I look forward to speaking to you all here and supporting you too. If any of you have been through this, if you are comfortable, please share with me. I feel very alone with this. To the baby who never saw this world, I just want to say I'm sorry, I will always love you, please forgive me.

Durand First Breakup
  • replies: 4

I was with my girlfriend that I met in high school for 6 years and I loved her to bits. I couldn't have been any happier with her and everything about her made me so happy. Even her faults did not bother me in the slightest. She was my best friend. S... View more

I was with my girlfriend that I met in high school for 6 years and I loved her to bits. I couldn't have been any happier with her and everything about her made me so happy. Even her faults did not bother me in the slightest. She was my best friend. She broke up with me out of the blue and I feel really ambushed, betrayed and abandoned. We've been growing together and she became part of me completely. I feel as if I have genuinely lost half of myself and that I'm not longer whole. I feel that I lost my motivations, my goals, my interests, things that make me happy, everything is just.. empty. Everything was with her, about her. She said that she needed to talk to me and it just happened. She listed reasons and how she felt and I was completely blindsided. I didn't get angry. I didn't get suspicious of there being another person. I just.. consoled her and listened. I've been doing a lot of introspection into myself and what happened. I found that I've failed myself and what matters most to me. There's so much that I haven't been doing. No being mature, helping enough in the unit with shouldering my share of responsibilities. Not showing my love for her and spending time with her to make her feel wanted and loved. Not doing better in so many things that I WANTED to do but... just didn't. She had spoken before with me about some concerns she had.. I just didn't do enough, I didn't understand or see it. It hits me that I failed, that we didn't communicate properly. That we didn't tell each other exactly how we felt and more importantly how we can help each other. There's so many hard lessons to take away that are burned into me. Mutual failings between us. To my great shame I read her journal and it spoke of her wanting to break up for almost a year. This really hurt me. I trusted her and never suspected anything. She never said anything about these thoughts. Its become clear to me that she has been on a knife edge of loving me and how I really made her happy. That she didn't want to miss out on life and experience more. I don't blame her. I can see her character weaknesses, things that I wish I could take away, help her with, support her; but I can't. She is uncertain what she wants. She has growing to do and so do I. I've learnt a lot about myself, who I am, what I lack. I'm a deeply affectionate person, now I feel alone and unloved. I can't even talk to my best friend. All I can do is wait for the pain subside.

Centaured Cancer sucks
  • replies: 4

I spoke to my mum today. She's talking about his will and affairs. I can't handle it. I miss him. I haven't seen him in years due to covid and he's about to die. Like really soon. I don't want my step-dad to go, I'm selfish, it's not even about me, h... View more

I spoke to my mum today. She's talking about his will and affairs. I can't handle it. I miss him. I haven't seen him in years due to covid and he's about to die. Like really soon. I don't want my step-dad to go, I'm selfish, it's not even about me, he's in agony so why can't I say goodbye.

Nechama_I Unsure how to reach out
  • replies: 8

Hi everyone, I lost my brother 6 months ago. I feel that the first few weeks after he died, we were being showered with support,meals, gifts you name it. However, now that its 6 months later, everyone has moved on to their regular lives and don't und... View more

Hi everyone, I lost my brother 6 months ago. I feel that the first few weeks after he died, we were being showered with support,meals, gifts you name it. However, now that its 6 months later, everyone has moved on to their regular lives and don't understand that just because I am back at work/getting with 'everyday life', the pain and greif is still as strong. People ask me how I am, but I often take that as a general hello and not sure if they are ready to hear about my greif, so ill tell them about work or my day etc. I think people are genuinely scared of asking me as to not wanted to upset me or because it is taboo and different for everyone. I'm not necessarily upset at my friends for not checking in with me, but I do find it odd that it is so taboo. I do wish that someone would ask me specifically how I am doing greif-wise, and then I can know I'm okay to open up to them... Does anyone have any similar experiences? Did you bring it up to your friends? Were you also scared or talking about it as to not scare your friends or vice versa?

LYCB I lost the love of my life to suicide
  • replies: 14

Almost a month ago now I lost my beloved partner to suicide. We had been together for almost fifteen years and were planning to start a family. We fought before he died and I think he was worried I was going to hurt myself. I feel such enormous guilt... View more

Almost a month ago now I lost my beloved partner to suicide. We had been together for almost fifteen years and were planning to start a family. We fought before he died and I think he was worried I was going to hurt myself. I feel such enormous guilt, in addition to mourning my favourite person in the entire world I’m also mourning the future we would have had together. I feel like I’m drowning.