Losing my mum

[Golden2024]

First of all, let my apologize in advance

as I don’t normally post anything anywhere and struggle putting thoughts to words sometimes but I wanted to reach out to any others that may share my experience. It’s been 2 years now since my mum passed away. We were absolutely inseparable, she was my best friend and at times my savior. She  was the very definition of unconditional love.I knew before she passed that it was going to hit hard and tried to prepare myself as best I could but nothing could have prepared me for what was to come. The grief seems to be getting stronger now over time along with feelings of guilt that maybe I didn’t do enough for her or spend enough time with her than I could have. I have recently moved interstate away from all my support back home and right now feel completely alone.My family and friends are close and supportive but i still feel like they will never completely understand my grief. I don’t know where to turn and feel like I have  aged so much since she passed. I tell myself I will try to make her proud , she would never have wanted me to feel like this. There are many others that have gone through so much worse than I have and I am so grateful for having been blessed with such a beautiful mum.

My wish is for all others that are struggling with grief find the comfort and peace that they need to get through, no one is really alone if we reach out to each other. Please take care of yourself and I will try to as well. 

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

I'm really sorry for your loss. 

Grief is a personal process, everyone experiences it differently and there is no "right" or "better" way to go through it. So that is a green light for you to let the process go on how you feel its best to heal. In terms of length of time if your process goes on for a very long time then grief counselling might be a good idea so that some closure is found.

• There are some ways to self help that you might consider- You said "she would never have wanted me to feel like this" and that is an example of what I'm talking about. She would want you to bloom in life and experience it to the full.
• Plant a rose or rose garden just for her. I planted a Horse Chestnut 30 years ago for my dad and now its 6 metres tall in a town I lived in. Every time I drive by my heart sinks and I'm so proud
• Writing, poetry, even notes. That enables a release of thoughts.
• Family and friends may not understand. Like an astronaut that describes his experience- no one would "get it". It can also be traumatic for them hence places like this forum or counsellor has its place in some peoples lives.
• Distraction. If you dont have a lot of activities then an idle mind gathers moss, thats when one starts to grieve more. Fill your life with hobbies and sports .
• As you've moved interstate, look up some group therapy meetings.

PETAL POWER

On your saddest day

You take a daisy flower

You pick petal for each of your woes

And count them by the hour

And when they become a stem

And petals line the floor

Gather them up in your loving arms

Put them in your store

When you enter spirit land

It be snowing like Daisy Dell

Flowers thrown in celebration

By faces you can tell

Then you throw your own

And you will include the stems

Cause that’s what bound these petals together

A meaning to and end

Your mum will pick up the last flower

Of this daisy chain

Reunited and delighted

Connected once again

A simple daisy flower

Messages you can’t ignore

A petal for each of your woes

Are littering the floor

So on your saddest days

You take a daisy flower

Feel free to pick a petal for each of your woes

And count them by the hour...

TonyWK

[pawsy]

Hi Golden,

Thank you for posting. It means a lot to me because I lost my mum eight months ago and feel like I am getting sadder and sadder with time, which I wish wasn't the case ... but it is. It wakes me up sometimes at night it is so intense. I also have bad feelings of guilt that I should have done more for her. Reading your post is reassuring and I really appreciate it. I'm sorry youre feeling alone and unsupported. It's such hard stuff. I think youre right about reaching out. You are not entirely alone because I am here too, and I really get it!! I wIsh you peace and comfort too. I loved hearing about your beautiful mum and am sending you love and a big hug. Pawsy

[Golden2024]

Thank you so much Pawsy for your beautiful response. I am so deeply sorry for the loss of your mum and am sending a big hug for you too.  I know all too well how this can keep you awake at night.The  months after are when it hit so hard for me too. People send their condolences early on and then life goes on, but for me it forever changed. Thank you so much for reaching out as this made a huge difference for me today.May you find peace and comfort in your journey ahead and please reach out again anytime of you feel you need to.I will always respond.As a community we can get through this together. Take care of yourself and sleep well my friend.

[pawsy]

Thank you very much for your reply and good wishes, Golden. I hope you have a great day and week ahead. This kind of support is maybe not very substantial but it makes a difference, hey? Much love, Pawsy.

[Golden2024]

Have a great day and week ahead too, Pawsy, Every act of kindness no

matter how small we think it is

always makes a difference,

so thank you. My thoughts are with you. 

[RK23]

Hi Golden, 

Thank you for reaching out and letting us know about your experience. The relationship between you and your mum sounds so familiar to me. I just wanted to let you know that there are so many others out there that understand and share the same feelings. You are never alone. At first it can seem like a strange, almost guilty comfort to hear from others going through the same experience. As though you shouldn't feel glad that others are going through pain and suffering. But I think its feels comforting because it brings us out of that isolating state of mind grief puts us in. It makes us feel connected to something bigger then just ourselves, and gives those we have lost wings in a way. I don't mean in some religious sense, but in the sense that as we feel connected to a greater human experience, they too are set free from the shackles of our minds. They are no longer trapped in the grief, sadness and pain of our thoughts and are free to become more. As are we. This feels unburdening, to me at least. Regardless, I send my love and support your way. I see your pain and recognise your struggle. You are not alone.

[Golden2024]

1. Thank you so much RK, I honestly didn’t expect to receive such beautiful  responses to my story when I posted but it has been a source of incredible comfort to me and I am so humbled by the outpouring of kindness and to hear the stories of others who can identity with my sentiments. I am deeply sorry for the pain you have  experienced in your journey and I am here for support too. The empathy we feel for one another as a community is truly beautiful and you are so right when you say we are never really alone. Just knowing you are there and took the time to respond made a big difference to me today.  Thank for recognizing me, I am so grateful and wish you peace and comfort in your continued journey 

[Golden2024]

Dear RK, I just wanted you to know that I have been thinking of you and the struggle you are currently going through with your Mum. Sometimes the grieving can start long before a person passes as I have come to know from my own experience. Trying to be strong for a loved one can be so overwhelming so I wanted you to know that you are not alone and  I am thinking of you through this difficult time. Thank you for sharing your story and your kind words. You are brave and I am proud of you. 

[Soberlicious96]

Hi Golden2024, Welcome to Beyond Blue and just want to say well done for reaching out.

I too have lost my Mum and I too felt like my Mum was my best friend. I felt quite lost without her for some time and yes, there were even times when it felt like it was getting worse rather than better. But then I began to remember more of our good times and to remember what a great Mum she was and how blessed I was to have such a wonderful Mum. I know that not everybody has or had that same experience as I did. It helped. Little by little, those wonderful memories of all our great times together helped to ease the pain of losing her ..... maybe just because I because more and more grateful to have had her as my Mum. Grief is a weird, unpredictable and at times, a very heavy feeling ..... but it can and does ebb and flow; high tide some days low tide on other days. Just be gentle with yourself and try to remember those good times. And remember too, we are all here with you and for you, any time you need. Take care. xox