Immediate support
Immediate support

Grief and loss

Support and advice following the loss of a family member, partner, spouse or someone close to you.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

All discussions

Start a discussion

Bunny My 20yo cat just died and I feel lost
  • replies: 6

My girl got me through so much, she would warn me when I would be about to have a seizure (epilepsy) and would never leave my side. I slept with her, ate beside her, sat with her all day, I spoke to her and held her, she was my rescue and I was hers.... View more

My girl got me through so much, she would warn me when I would be about to have a seizure (epilepsy) and would never leave my side. I slept with her, ate beside her, sat with her all day, I spoke to her and held her, she was my rescue and I was hers. I have grieved before but I have never lost a part of me that I have had for 20 years (longer than I haven't had her). I don't know how to live without her. Life is just feeling impossible. For a number of reasons. My mum is going through chemo, I found out she needs a single mastectomy and I'll need a double mastectomy in my 30s. I've lost one ovary already and just found out I'm probably losing my other one. Everything is falling apart. I don't know what to do. I'm really only still here for my wonderful partner. I'd be lost without him but don't want to become a burden. He is already my carer as I have heart failure. I don't know how to get through this. I don't know how to keep going. I'm really just getting by hour by hour. I am very open with him about my mental state and know the importance of voicing even the hardest ideations. But I'm feeling like things are just too much. I feel so utterly broken and so completely defeated. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to keep going.

JustAnYtka Lost my childhood dog
  • replies: 2

Three days ago my dog, that my family has has since I was 6, had a stroke with absolutely no warning. The next day we had to euthanize him. We'd had him for over 10 year. 5 months ago we lost his brother, due to cancer. We had a week with him to say ... View more

Three days ago my dog, that my family has has since I was 6, had a stroke with absolutely no warning. The next day we had to euthanize him. We'd had him for over 10 year. 5 months ago we lost his brother, due to cancer. We had a week with him to say goodbye and process what was about to happen, but with Baxter, it just happened, and we couldn't let him suffer. It was a bit easier when his brother passed, because we had him to cuddle and distract ourselves with. We don't have that this time. I've been staying up until as late at 8am, because I can't deal with the silence in my brain that happens when I try to sleep. So I wait until I'm exhausted and fall asleep instantly. Everywhere I look, I'm reminded of his absence. His beds, his water bowl, his fur covering everything. This is the worst pain I've ever felt and I don't know if I can keep dealing with this.

Suzie_Q Losing husband
  • replies: 1

Last year in February I started chatting to a guy through tinder. He was going through cancer treatment so we held off on meeting but come June, we finally met. He was done with his treatment and in the clear. Little did we know 2 months later we fou... View more

Last year in February I started chatting to a guy through tinder. He was going through cancer treatment so we held off on meeting but come June, we finally met. He was done with his treatment and in the clear. Little did we know 2 months later we found out the cancer had returned and it was aggressive. Long story short, lots of hospitals trips/scans/appointments and treatment. September before he went in for surgery, he proposed just 3 months after we got together. It was the easiest yes. We planned for a March 2024 wedding but with some more bad news we brought it forward and got married in October. At the start of January 2024 he ended up in the hospital for 2 weeks and then came home, we thought he was on the mend but little did we know when I had to call and ambulance and they took him away on the Monday that he wouldn’t be coming home and passing away not even a week later. We only got to spend 7 months together in total, in that short amount of time I got to become a wife, now I’m a widow at 27 years old. I’m so lost without him, before I met him I was still living at home with my parents but when we found out his cancer was back I moved in to his house with him. Now I’m in his house all alone. It’s coming up 5 months since he has been gone and I’m so lonely and missing that emotional connection. I worry I won’t ever be able to find something like what me and him had ever again. It was special. Majority of my “family” have not been as supportive as I thought they would be. I’ve had to cut some of them off social media. I feel like im the insane one and I’m the one being ridiculous but at the same time it’s so unfair they haven’t just been here for me and I can’t cope with the no support at the moment. I’m angry, sad, frustrated, everything but happy.

Guest23 Unwanted abortion.
  • replies: 1

I fell pregnant November last year. I knew I wanted it. The father (my long term casual partner) absolutely did not and was very persistent on termination. We went back and forth for so long. I agreed to look into it. I’ll be honest I was 22, he’s mo... View more

I fell pregnant November last year. I knew I wanted it. The father (my long term casual partner) absolutely did not and was very persistent on termination. We went back and forth for so long. I agreed to look into it. I’ll be honest I was 22, he’s more than double that, we aren’t serious, I have a lot going on and our relationship has a lot of complications. It was never the way I wanted to become a mother. Time went on and I became a mess. I was so sick all the time, I was so emotional, I was sad and angry. I had never been more conflicted. I would find myself agreeing with him and then screaming at him for even suggesting it. I looked into it, I didn’t want it. I was so sure but every-time he spoke to me about it I would find myself giving in and agreeing in the moment. I felt guilty that he didn’t want it, that I was forcing him, that I was bringing a baby into the world who’s dad already stated he wouldn’t be there. All of the appointments were being messed around and dragged out. A simple prescription became a procedure that I made clear from the start I would never do. Yet one day I was crying in the car after another appointment and he was on the phone digging in and we booked the abortion appointment. Like it was nothing. I didn’t stop crying. I went and I cried, I nodded and I signed the papers, I paid the money, I cried harder. A nurse asked me if I was sure but I can’t remember if I answered her. All I remember next was waking up on the table screaming at them where my baby was and please tell me it’s okay. The only reply was that the procedure went well and that was the end of me. I have never felt so disgusting, so horrified by myself, so guilty and worthless of living. I feel like every moment since then I have been grieving a loss that I have no right to grieve yet it consumes me. I can’t forgive myself. I’m finding it so hard to continue. I keep punishing myself but it’s not going to change anything. i made the biggest mistake of my life and it was the biggest loss. I am pro choice. I would never shame another woman for having the procedure themselves.

s82 Mothers Day
  • replies: 8

This year will be the first Mothers Day since my beloved mother passed away. Being an only child, it has been very difficult. I am intending to have a quiet day at home with my Dad and enjoy some downtime. Spending time on hobbies and watching West C... View more

This year will be the first Mothers Day since my beloved mother passed away. Being an only child, it has been very difficult. I am intending to have a quiet day at home with my Dad and enjoy some downtime. Spending time on hobbies and watching West Coast hopefully beat Collingwood and enjoy a meal of Fish and Chips, a meal we had with Mum last year when she developed a craving for grilled flake, chips and potato cakes, we also had Fish and Chips a week before she died as she had a similar craving (On my parent's wedding anniversary no less). Two weeks ago my Dad and I had a joint birthday celebration and it was very heavy and wearing, I also admit I was a bit of a grouch to some people. But we got through the day. I am not a social person at the best of times. prefer my own company much of the time, but enjoy spending short periods of time with close family friends who I grew up with who have supported us during this time. My work and hobbies have helped distract me from the pain, but it never really completely goes away. I don't lock myself at home all the time on weekends and days off, I like to do a bit of grocery shopping for essentials(that Dad forgets during the week) and have a coffee at the one of cafe's in or around the shopping centre, some of the cafe staff now know me on a first name basis as I go to about two or three differents cafes in rotation. I have always had a different relationship with my Dad, compared to Mum, but we have gotten closer in recent times, but we enjoy doing different things. Dad and I co habitate in the family home, with no plans to sell up anytime soon.

MiddleSister My sister died of cancer so quickly.
  • replies: 6

My sister was diagnosed with cancer in late December 2023 and died in early March 2024. I'm still in shock and very sad that I didn't get to say goodbye.

My sister was diagnosed with cancer in late December 2023 and died in early March 2024. I'm still in shock and very sad that I didn't get to say goodbye.

Guest_93768673 losing a mum to cancer and watching everyone move on
  • replies: 1

i recently lost my mum early this year even though it feels like yesterday, my mum suffered from breast cancer since i was 11 and i was lucky enough to have until i reached 17 me and my family had a 6 years as well as several other things happening t... View more

i recently lost my mum early this year even though it feels like yesterday, my mum suffered from breast cancer since i was 11 and i was lucky enough to have until i reached 17 me and my family had a 6 years as well as several other things happening too my mum is my best friend she was the one person who truly cared and loved me i never got a long with my dad so i always had in around November of 2023 she started getting really bad and i saw a different person than my mum at the end of December she got a lot worse in such a short amount of time then it reached start of january and she couldn't walk and even after that i still thought she could make it then we found out the cancer had travelled to her spine and that they werent able to do anymore and she only had a few months to weeks left to live i was torn it was the worst few weeks of my life i her life slowly drain away and she was so scared she wasnt my mum anymore she couldn't speak i didnt hear her same bubbly laugh that would echo of the walls and make people smile she was drifting away from me i couldnt hold her tight enough she soon after passed away. i thought i would do a summary of my mum's story before i start with the question first is how long does it take to grieve my dad 4 weeks after my mum passed started dating someone new and now is always away and never there for me or my sister me and my dad have never gotten along but this has really put strain on our relationship even more i hate him for it ive tried talking to him about it but he wont listen hes already saying i love you and treating her kids better than he ever did us am i wrong for hating him for this? if not what can i do to change my perspective?

Guest_69958073 meeting a new therapist
  • replies: 1

iv'e lost more than many close friends over the year and have been feeling very down, i lost my bestfriend of 9 years and other close friends of 3-4 years. i want to improve my self esteem and help put myself back together again.

iv'e lost more than many close friends over the year and have been feeling very down, i lost my bestfriend of 9 years and other close friends of 3-4 years. i want to improve my self esteem and help put myself back together again.

Sad Divorce
  • replies: 1

My parents are about to split. I’ve attempted suicide before a few times when I was at my lowest. We’ve waited so long for our new house to be built but now, it’s all going to waste. To be honest though, my parent’s marriage was holding on by a singl... View more

My parents are about to split. I’ve attempted suicide before a few times when I was at my lowest. We’ve waited so long for our new house to be built but now, it’s all going to waste. To be honest though, my parent’s marriage was holding on by a single thread. I’m so scared. I don’t want to pick sides. I have 2 siblings, I want to be with them.

Janelle98 Losing my mum
  • replies: 3

My mum was diagnosed with stomach cancer less than a month ago. One month and my whole world has been turned upside down. The cancer has spread and there is not much doctors can do about it. Today she signed a DNR. She’s in hospital my beautiful mum ... View more

My mum was diagnosed with stomach cancer less than a month ago. One month and my whole world has been turned upside down. The cancer has spread and there is not much doctors can do about it. Today she signed a DNR. She’s in hospital my beautiful mum I cannot lose my beautiful mum. It is just me, I don’t know how to plan a funeral I don’t even have the money for a funeral. I feel so alone.