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Grief and loss

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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

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lulu so
  • replies: 3

my dog has passed and my uncle i hope this BB program is helpful

my dog has passed and my uncle i hope this BB program is helpful

RK23 Anticipatory Grief and Losing my Mum
  • replies: 7

Hi, first off I hope this subject fits into this forum. Recently my mum has been told she most likely has Cancer in her Gallbladder, Kidney and Lower Bowel. Although she is strong and survived Breast cancer before, this new diagnosis is grim. She has... View more

Hi, first off I hope this subject fits into this forum. Recently my mum has been told she most likely has Cancer in her Gallbladder, Kidney and Lower Bowel. Although she is strong and survived Breast cancer before, this new diagnosis is grim. She has put on a brave face and swears she will fight it, but I can tell that unlike 15 years ago she doubts she has the strength this time. She is 76 turning 77 in November and even before this latest news she was getting frail.We have always been close. She has always been there for me no matter what, and I talk to her everyday. I go to her for everything. I depend on hearing her voice every morning on the phone. I can tell she worries about leaving me behind because we have always had a special connection. I keep a brave face in front of her because I know if she sees me crack it will be devastating for her. I can't talk to her about the way I am feeling like I used to for obvious reasons. I feel empty, lost, afraid and guilty. I have moments of absolute collapse and others where I find a strength I didn't know I had. I want to be strong for her the way she has always been strong for me but sometimes I doubt I have it in me. I always feared the day she would leave, and now it might just be around the corner I am terrified. The world has changed completely. I have thoughts I might not be able to go on without her here. I know these are all normal emotions that come with grief, but they hurt so much I wonder if I will ever be able to manage.Again, I'm not sure if this is the appropriate place for this post. I'm only sure that I needed to get these things off my chest. Thank you to anyone who reads this and if you are going through the same thing just know you are not alone.

ktac1689 Pain of loss
  • replies: 2

My beautiful boy is gone. Only 25 years old. The pain is immense, bottomless and all I can think is why? Why did he do this? Why didn’t he reach out? Did I fail him as a mother? How do I go on? It all seems pointless right now. He was living in anoth... View more

My beautiful boy is gone. Only 25 years old. The pain is immense, bottomless and all I can think is why? Why did he do this? Why didn’t he reach out? Did I fail him as a mother? How do I go on? It all seems pointless right now. He was living in another state so I am making arrangements from here and preparing to go there and pack up his life. I still can’t believe it, that he would leave like that. I wish I could have helped him and lessened his pain. I have support which has helped a lot. My sister especially and my two other children. We are all trying to support each other and navigate this new world. My Aunty though, when I asked for help moving my son’s furniture, misinterpreted and thought I was expecting her to arrange his service and harshly told me that “I know you are experiencing a huge loss but this is all your job as a mother”…. Yeah don’t I know it. I had already arranged his service at that point by the way. I don’t expect anyone to do anything for me and never really have. I know we are not the first and I won’t be the last to suffer a loss of this magnitude but right now it feels that way. I wish he was still here.

Summersunnic My ex-boyfriend has committed suicide
  • replies: 3

Three weeks ago my ex-boyfriend called me and asked to meet up. I was nice and polite to him in the call and said I couldn’t meet him anymore. After the conversation, he sent some weird messages like its too late, take care of my mother and some laug... View more

Three weeks ago my ex-boyfriend called me and asked to meet up. I was nice and polite to him in the call and said I couldn’t meet him anymore. After the conversation, he sent some weird messages like its too late, take care of my mother and some laughing emojis saying you will understand. I really didn’t worry about those messages at that time since he always used t0 say stuff like that. Then i went to work and called him during my break time but not answered. After two days his aunt called me and said that he has taken his own life. I am so shocked and sad and dealing with soo much emotions. I am finding the peace through prayer and taking to others. However, throughout the relationship he was very unhealthy to me and that was the reason for me to break up with him. But up until now I didn’t know that he has lied to me soo much and has had previous marriages that he didn’t tell me about. He got kids from those marriages as well. I feel so betrayed and shocked and i feel sick from top to bottom. Not only marriages he lied to a lot about himself and everything. He lied to me about his age and and i told me only after 6 months after starting the relationship. He was very much unheathy to me. i am sad for him and his family. But the family doesn’t contact me or tell me anything about him. Please can anyone tell me what is going on? I have also stated counselling.

Soberlicious96 Lost love
  • replies: 2

So last Friday I went to the funeral of my ex partner. He was only 58 and died from a seizure and a brain aneurysm because he couldn't stop drinking. We were together for about 6 months, friends for a number of years before that, and broke up more th... View more

So last Friday I went to the funeral of my ex partner. He was only 58 and died from a seizure and a brain aneurysm because he couldn't stop drinking. We were together for about 6 months, friends for a number of years before that, and broke up more than 7 years ago. I have had and am still with another partner since then.But today, I think that the grief really hit me. I felt all angry and sad and just wanted to hide away and play all the soppy love songs and have a good cry, only I couldn't do that because I work in retail and had to paste on a smile and pretend like everything is okay. Some days working in customer service is so hard.I don't want to talk to my current partner about it because I don't want to hurt him by letting him know that I am thinking about my ex. Don't get me wrong, my current partner is a truly wonderful man and very good to me ..... but I am still feeling the grief for my ex. I think about him and his cool Harley Davidson and his sexy gravelly voice when he sang to me (he was lead vocal in a band), his cool vibe ... and it's weird because I always thought he was 'too cool' for me because he had all this amazing energy about him .... but maybe he too thought I was not right for him because I had gotten sober and had/have been sober for so long and he wasn't? I think that's why he broke it off. He was the one who ended our relationship, not me.Losing people to the demon drink is nothing new. Almost every person I ever drank with died when they were quite young; many of my friends, back when I was still drinking, didn't even make it to 40. But this guy was going to meetings while he and I were together, we MET in the rooms of recovery ..... and he was lying about being sober. And now .... this is the result. People still die from this disease of alcoholism .....Anyway, I don't know. I'm just sad. I just needed to get it out, I suppose. Grief is so hard.

elle56 I don't understand this greif
  • replies: 3

I got a call a few days ago notifying me that my ex husband had died. Not from family but from the child support agency. No one has tried to contact our children either. Not sure what happened or exactly when, as the agency can't give out that inform... View more

I got a call a few days ago notifying me that my ex husband had died. Not from family but from the child support agency. No one has tried to contact our children either. Not sure what happened or exactly when, as the agency can't give out that information. I'm not understanding my reaction for a man who walked out 23 years ago,never took responsibility and became totally estranged from his kids. My son noticed his dad had looked him up about 8 weeks ago. Maybe he had regrets. I'm feeling lost , not sure why my emotions are even there. There have been a lot of losses in the last few years maybe it's all built up. Everyone is saying I'm crazy for being so upset UT it's how l feel

Guest_65607549 Everything feels different now
  • replies: 2

Last year we got the terrible news that our mum didn’t have long to live , so I quit my job and left my home to come back to be with her in this time . We lost her early this year and I’m struggling … I dont at all regret the decision I made to move ... View more

Last year we got the terrible news that our mum didn’t have long to live , so I quit my job and left my home to come back to be with her in this time . We lost her early this year and I’m struggling … I dont at all regret the decision I made to move home to be close to my family over this time . But it’s been tough. I don’t love my job and I’m struggling financially with my mortgage back home and paying rent here , while also just worrying about my dad and him being alone. I spend all my time with him . And I’m just struggling to know where I fit back in . I have been gone for so long my friends all have lives of their own . How do u pick urself up and move on with so much change.

Rach28 Surrender pet aftermath
  • replies: 10

Hi everyone. I'm really struggling a month after surrendering my pet. Today I found out he's with a foster carer and up for adoption. My heart is literally broken once again. Has anyone else had to make the heartbreaking decision to surrender your pe... View more

Hi everyone. I'm really struggling a month after surrendering my pet. Today I found out he's with a foster carer and up for adoption. My heart is literally broken once again. Has anyone else had to make the heartbreaking decision to surrender your pet/best friend and are you struggling with the news that your pet is being cared for by someone else and will get a new mum soon. I just so badly miss being his mum beyond words. I miss it every single day... I should be the one caring for him. And I'm not... it's unfair..

pawsy panic connected to grief
  • replies: 2

i had a mini panic attack in my guitar class today. i suddenly couldnt read the music and i couldnt get back on track and just completely closed down. i have no idea why it happened. there was no trigger. it felt bad. i felt stupid or like maybe i ha... View more

i had a mini panic attack in my guitar class today. i suddenly couldnt read the music and i couldnt get back on track and just completely closed down. i have no idea why it happened. there was no trigger. it felt bad. i felt stupid or like maybe i have dementia or something. afterwards i have just been thinking about how i miss my mum who died in october last year. i feel like i am never going to get over the pain of her dying. my dad died too in the same year and the years running up to when they died were so hard. it feels like i died with them in a way and i will never get strong again and i cant even read music or play the guitar which is one of the things i cling onto and did while they were dying. it feels like these things are connected. can panic arise from grief? it's been seven months since my mum died and i feel worse than ever.

Bunny My 20yo cat just died and I feel lost
  • replies: 6

My girl got me through so much, she would warn me when I would be about to have a seizure (epilepsy) and would never leave my side. I slept with her, ate beside her, sat with her all day, I spoke to her and held her, she was my rescue and I was hers.... View more

My girl got me through so much, she would warn me when I would be about to have a seizure (epilepsy) and would never leave my side. I slept with her, ate beside her, sat with her all day, I spoke to her and held her, she was my rescue and I was hers. I have grieved before but I have never lost a part of me that I have had for 20 years (longer than I haven't had her). I don't know how to live without her. Life is just feeling impossible. For a number of reasons. My mum is going through chemo, I found out she needs a single mastectomy and I'll need a double mastectomy in my 30s. I've lost one ovary already and just found out I'm probably losing my other one. Everything is falling apart. I don't know what to do. I'm really only still here for my wonderful partner. I'd be lost without him but don't want to become a burden. He is already my carer as I have heart failure. I don't know how to get through this. I don't know how to keep going. I'm really just getting by hour by hour. I am very open with him about my mental state and know the importance of voicing even the hardest ideations. But I'm feeling like things are just too much. I feel so utterly broken and so completely defeated. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to keep going.