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Grief and loss

Support and advice following the loss of a family member, partner, spouse or someone close to you.

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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

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pawsy hard days
  • replies: 3

feeling very low. i saw my gp this week which was good. she organised a mental health care plan for me so hopefully i can find a psychologist to talk to soon, but i have been sliding downhill pretty fast since seeing her. i've made soup and vacuumed ... View more

feeling very low. i saw my gp this week which was good. she organised a mental health care plan for me so hopefully i can find a psychologist to talk to soon, but i have been sliding downhill pretty fast since seeing her. i've made soup and vacuumed the house and fed my pets but thats about it since wednesday. texted a friend. my parents both died in 2023 and we are selling their house. someone is looking at it -- a single mum who has two small children. this makes me happy but also very sad to think of little children being in the house where i was a little child too. the loss of everyone and everything is hard. harder than i thought it would be.

Chlobear Hard times
  • replies: 2

I have been going through a break up and im sure everyone on here knows how hard it can be, especially if you were really attached to the person. Im struggling to feel better at all and looking for anyone to talk to as i have no friends and no family... View more

I have been going through a break up and im sure everyone on here knows how hard it can be, especially if you were really attached to the person. Im struggling to feel better at all and looking for anyone to talk to as i have no friends and no family to talk to or go see to distract myself. Im not sleeping and my negative feelings and thoughts are tormenting me each night i wake up 3:45am unable to go back to sleep.

Losingmyway Losing my way
  • replies: 3

Hi. I lost my mum 3 years ago next month and I lost my brother on Boxing Day 2023. I was my mother’s carer until she passed and I am now also my fathers carer. My brother died suddenly on Boxing Day just gone which has shocked both my father and I. I... View more

Hi. I lost my mum 3 years ago next month and I lost my brother on Boxing Day 2023. I was my mother’s carer until she passed and I am now also my fathers carer. My brother died suddenly on Boxing Day just gone which has shocked both my father and I. I was aware my brother drank alcohol quite a bit but not to the extent it contributed to his death, which resulted in multi organ failure and sepsis. I have two adult children no partner and a half sister who lives overseas. I am also dealing with chronic back pain which I am getting treatment for but is very slow going as I am in the public health system. I am also helping and dealing with my 30 year old daughters health problems which has also been ongoing for a number of years but she finally has been diagnosed with an autoimmune disease. She is currently living with me. This year so far has been the hardest of my life. Dad broke his hip 5 days after my brother passed which resulted in a 2 month stay in hospital and a further 2 months staying with me until I could get his place modified to suit his new way of life. My daughter was in and out of hospital with her condition. I was diagnosed with skin cancer(which has successfully been cut out) and all whilst dealing with my brothers estate as he had no will, no partner and no kids. Recently I’ve been feeling that I’ve lost my way and wondering if I have dealt with things,as I thought I was coping well. I have no motivation, have put on weight due to unhealthy eating habits and generally feel low. I am currently on a bit of medication for pain which also includes a antidepressant. I constantly have flashbacks of my brother in the emergency department hooked up to all kinds of machines while I sat next to him holding his hand. Eventually he was intubated and airlifted to a bigger hospital and within less then 24hours I had to make the call to take him off life support. I am so angry at him for the way he went. There were so many lies told by him and if only he had told someone this could have been avoided.I feel guilty I wasn’t able to help him or if I had checked in more with him I could have helped. I feel torn between caring for my dad and my daughter that I feel I have lost myself in amongst all the chaos. I’m really hoping to get some ideas on coping with everything and getting back to a new normal.

AfterLoss Losing fear of death after losing a parent
  • replies: 1

This won't be the usual post.Six days ago, I lost my dad (early 70s) to a heartattack.I miss him dearly and he was by far the most influential person in my life. It has been an up and down emotionally and never thought I'd be capable of feeling so mu... View more

This won't be the usual post.Six days ago, I lost my dad (early 70s) to a heartattack.I miss him dearly and he was by far the most influential person in my life. It has been an up and down emotionally and never thought I'd be capable of feeling so much pain.However, my post isn't really about that. My post is about the fact that I was talking to my sister today and she mentioned that she seemed to have lost her fear of death following my dad's death. The same seems to be true for me, I had been scared of my own mortality, but since my dad died, it seems to have largely evaporated.Is this a common thing? Is it temporary? I tried googling it, but couldn't find any answers.Obviously I would prefer my dad to be alive, but I always try and find a silver lining, and at least for the time being, this appears to be one of them.

IAM_INKI My Guardian Angel: Granddad
  • replies: 2

Hi all. This post is about the bravest, most loving and caring person I ever had. He is my granddad. Basically, I grew up with my grandparents. Mum and dad weren't that quite established yet, not having enough finances to support both me and my sibli... View more

Hi all. This post is about the bravest, most loving and caring person I ever had. He is my granddad. Basically, I grew up with my grandparents. Mum and dad weren't that quite established yet, not having enough finances to support both me and my sibling. I had the best childhood! I was well-loved, taken cared of and was the adult's "adorable bub" back then. It was the best years of my life! But like other people's life story, mine wasn't that too different. After a couple of years being under my grandparents care, I found myself being in my parents wings. I didn't knew my mum back then, I was so little and they said I just cried my heart out. Been looking for my grandparents from dusk to dawn. I was horrible back then, I know. But it wasn't my fault. They we're the only people I knew of - my beloved grandmum and granddad. Fast forward, last 2021 the scarieat day of my life. My granddad left us, left me. Until now, still don't want to think that he's already gone. He's still clearly is alive within me, he's always here, in my heart. I miss him, so badly. He was always there for me since day 01.. ‍ if I can just see him for the last time.. even just to hug him and to say goodbye to him.. I miss him badly, everyday. Will never be tired and will never fail to love him forever.

Guest_26050780 Angry, grieving and guilt stricken
  • replies: 2

Hi, I just lost my mum suddenly. I am overwhelmed with feelings of guilt. I placed her in an aged care home that I thought could and would care for her. I should never have trusted her care to them. But after 15 years of being a sole carer for a high... View more

Hi, I just lost my mum suddenly. I am overwhelmed with feelings of guilt. I placed her in an aged care home that I thought could and would care for her. I should never have trusted her care to them. But after 15 years of being a sole carer for a high dependency elderly parent I just couldn't manage it anymore. I was ceasing to exist as all I felt I was, was an extension of her. I guess its time to stand up on my own two feet again and try to start living again But I really don't know where to start Apart from the saying "one day at a time".

rachealw Coping after a death of a funeral
  • replies: 10

I've just recently lost my Nan suddenly. During this Covid-19 pandemic. Attempting to be there for the funeral was proven to be a challenge but not impossible. I was still able to fly interstate without needing to quarantine. I was still able to comf... View more

I've just recently lost my Nan suddenly. During this Covid-19 pandemic. Attempting to be there for the funeral was proven to be a challenge but not impossible. I was still able to fly interstate without needing to quarantine. I was still able to comfort those who could be there. I was also there to make some hard decisions and funeral arrangements. My Nan was like the next figure in life to what people call one a "Mum"... Long story short. I helped care for my Nan before she went into a home from all my teenage years. I'm having trouble coping with her being just "Gone" I felt like i didn't have time to grieve or be sad or to even laugh or cry. You become busy deciding the colour of her coffin and what photo to choose best and what flowers she would of loved by the time the day comes around your not ready to say goodbye yet. Due to the pandemic outbreak and states having their own lockdown and regulations i had to leave 1 day earlier before the service. I wasn't able to be there till the end to even lay her down. Instead i had to watch from a screen and feel at a distance. I'm vividly struggling sometimes to sleep. I can still feel her cold holds against mine and although i still got to see her and kiss her and share upon the memories we had together. I wasn't ready to say goodbye or let go. Now shes been floating around me in thoughts, in my dreams and i just feel like there's a lump in my throat that's hard to explain the presence of. How does one find ways to accept this passing and move forward in life?

Lost37 Missing my little brother
  • replies: 2

Hi. My brother died 22 weeks ago tomorrow. I'm at work, and he normally would be too. We'd be sending each other messages and memes throughout the day during quiet periods - I'm a teacher-librarian, and he was a music teacher, and so proud of his stu... View more

Hi. My brother died 22 weeks ago tomorrow. I'm at work, and he normally would be too. We'd be sending each other messages and memes throughout the day during quiet periods - I'm a teacher-librarian, and he was a music teacher, and so proud of his students. He was 31, and I miss him so much.

lulu so
  • replies: 3

my dog has passed and my uncle i hope this BB program is helpful

my dog has passed and my uncle i hope this BB program is helpful

RK23 Anticipatory Grief and Losing my Mum
  • replies: 7

Hi, first off I hope this subject fits into this forum. Recently my mum has been told she most likely has Cancer in her Gallbladder, Kidney and Lower Bowel. Although she is strong and survived Breast cancer before, this new diagnosis is grim. She has... View more

Hi, first off I hope this subject fits into this forum. Recently my mum has been told she most likely has Cancer in her Gallbladder, Kidney and Lower Bowel. Although she is strong and survived Breast cancer before, this new diagnosis is grim. She has put on a brave face and swears she will fight it, but I can tell that unlike 15 years ago she doubts she has the strength this time. She is 76 turning 77 in November and even before this latest news she was getting frail.We have always been close. She has always been there for me no matter what, and I talk to her everyday. I go to her for everything. I depend on hearing her voice every morning on the phone. I can tell she worries about leaving me behind because we have always had a special connection. I keep a brave face in front of her because I know if she sees me crack it will be devastating for her. I can't talk to her about the way I am feeling like I used to for obvious reasons. I feel empty, lost, afraid and guilty. I have moments of absolute collapse and others where I find a strength I didn't know I had. I want to be strong for her the way she has always been strong for me but sometimes I doubt I have it in me. I always feared the day she would leave, and now it might just be around the corner I am terrified. The world has changed completely. I have thoughts I might not be able to go on without her here. I know these are all normal emotions that come with grief, but they hurt so much I wonder if I will ever be able to manage.Again, I'm not sure if this is the appropriate place for this post. I'm only sure that I needed to get these things off my chest. Thank you to anyone who reads this and if you are going through the same thing just know you are not alone.