Grief and loss

Support and advice following the loss of a family member, partner, spouse or someone close to you.

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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

All discussions

Steinbeck Friend's suicide
  • replies: 2

My very close friend died just over a year ago. It's her birthday today and it is another reminder of how I have not dealt with this properly. She was such a good friend and I've helped her family to grieve and I kind of forgot about myself. I kind o... View more

My very close friend died just over a year ago. It's her birthday today and it is another reminder of how I have not dealt with this properly. She was such a good friend and I've helped her family to grieve and I kind of forgot about myself. I kind of feel on the outside, she's their sister.Her husband died from cancer just less than year before she took her life. He was a narcissist and treated her badly but she still found a way to idolise him. I fondly imagined that she would be set free but she couldn't be without him it seems. I tried to give her support but she said that everything was always ok. Then I did have to call an ambulance once when she drank too much and took pills and I wonder if I should have just let her go because she was less in favour of me afterwards. She planned the next time. I tried to help her but she didn't want it and I tried to respect her wishes.What should I have done? Does she know how much I cared?

Freyatom 8 Weeks ago I lost my daughter to Suicide
  • replies: 5

I'm feeling so sad, there is def. a piece of my heart missing. My youngest daughter took her own life, after a massive fight for the last 4 years against depression and anxiety. It started when she was only 16 that she was suicidal, after an attempt ... View more

I'm feeling so sad, there is def. a piece of my heart missing. My youngest daughter took her own life, after a massive fight for the last 4 years against depression and anxiety. It started when she was only 16 that she was suicidal, after an attempt she was put into a mental health unit for 7 months. My husband and I were there every step of the way with her, she was sent back home and lasted 3 months, after continual attempts, was then sent to another mental health unit 7 hours away from where we lived. She was 17 by then, I lived in a unit at the back of the hospital for almost 12 months. They worked out it all stemmed from undiagnosed Aspergers. Finally got her home in 2017 and I worked very hard to get her out socially again, half way through that year she went back to her old job, turned 18, and had a lovely boyfriend. Then last year we had a few bumps in the road but were constantly there for her and with her. Life seemed pretty happy for her. I was thinking too myself that 2017 was tippy toes, 2018 was baby steps and this year was going to be even better. We had Xmas she told me she had a lovely time, we had a holiday with her in January, there were a few hard days there but we just went back to the holiday house so she could sleep. February she wanted a 20th Goth birthday party at home with her work friends with no alcohol. It was a lovely night. Then I came home from work on the 1st of March and she had ended her life. The last 8 weeks have been a blur. We are all just heart broken and miss our girl so much, she had a wonderful sense of humour, the most beautiful smile, had so much love and empathy for everyone but not herself. Life is so very short. We loved her so so much. xx

elle56 My mum died this week
  • replies: 3

My mum died this week she wasn't a particularly good mother and we didn't have contact for the last 3 years I'm absolutely mortified that she didn't have a funeral and I'm confused as to why I'm feeling so upset. She was physically and emotionally ab... View more

My mum died this week she wasn't a particularly good mother and we didn't have contact for the last 3 years I'm absolutely mortified that she didn't have a funeral and I'm confused as to why I'm feeling so upset. She was physically and emotionally abusive all my life. She was the one that stopped contacting me she made excuses about not being able to hear me on the phone etc. She wrote me nasty letters about things I didn't do. There was no funeral she had no friends I find that so sad after all she was my mother good or bad. She was 95 when she passed . No one was at her bedside when she died. I live in another state from her but there was no reason for her to not contact me she told me not to contact her. This is really doing my head in I feel sad because she had no one there when she passed but I'm also angry at how she treated me. I'm finding myself now petrified of my own death.

tahlial Loss of family member
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone I am now to this I don't have many people who I connect with about my journey with my grief long story short My Nan passed away from the C word On the 27 of January my Nan and I were really close As My dad walked out of my life with I was... View more

Hi everyone I am now to this I don't have many people who I connect with about my journey with my grief long story short My Nan passed away from the C word On the 27 of January my Nan and I were really close As My dad walked out of my life with I was younger my Nan would keep me posted on that side of the family because she didn't care what my dad thought she would involve me to stuff etc I am finding it hard with out her

blondguy Geoff...The longest serving Community Champion passed away Thursday 13th July 2023
  • replies: 14

Qualification...the following tribute has been provided by Geoff's family as per their request. In loving remembrance to Geoff, a true Community Champion and one of the first Life members on the forums in his later years of service. Geoff was a dedic... View more

Qualification...the following tribute has been provided by Geoff's family as per their request. In loving remembrance to Geoff, a true Community Champion and one of the first Life members on the forums in his later years of service. Geoff was a dedicated, caring, compassionate and supportive volunteer who was able to provide pro-active assistance to thousands of people for over 20 years. Geoff took inspiration from his own health battles to provide care over his 20,000 posts. He would often spend five to six hours per day caring for people and their mental health, many a time in the early mornings throughout the small hours. Geoff was loved by many through his posts, as well as elsewhere. Especially by his two adoring sons, two granddaughters, wife, siblings extended family and friends. You are already sorely missed . Rest in Peace Geoff In loving memory ** A tribute to Geoff from his family

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Brixtonqueen59 Grieving for my mother
  • replies: 3

My Mum passed away 12 months ago she was 88 years old and had a good long life dying after a short illness. I still miss her so much in my everyday life and struggle to come to terms with her not being there. My partner of 16 years did not seem to un... View more

My Mum passed away 12 months ago she was 88 years old and had a good long life dying after a short illness. I still miss her so much in my everyday life and struggle to come to terms with her not being there. My partner of 16 years did not seem to understand and said 'you will get over it' but I haven't. I have actually separated with him and moved location too because of his lack of understanding but there were other issues as well. We have been seeking relationship counselling for ourselves but it has all been at my request. I often see a person at the shops or out that reminds me of Mum and I get terribly sad and go to the toilets for a cry. I thought I would find it easier with the passage of time but it isn't.

Illbeok Before she dies.
  • replies: 4

I'm losing my sister soon due to her breast cancer. We cannot see each other because she lives overseas. She has only a few months left and I can go and stay there only for a month due to my work. I'm already so incredibly sad and crying all the time... View more

I'm losing my sister soon due to her breast cancer. We cannot see each other because she lives overseas. She has only a few months left and I can go and stay there only for a month due to my work. I'm already so incredibly sad and crying all the time, and I'm very scared that I might get depressed badly if she dies (I had depression and an eating disorder long time ago but I'm managing ok at the moment). If I go see her now then I will lose my job for sure. I just want to know what I can do now to prevent having depression again, and what I can do for her now. I'm thinking if I should just go and lose my job but I'm 50 and I don't think I can find a new job. My sister says she has a lot of friends helping her and I shouldn't rush out just yet, just talk to each other on the phone. Please help me, I'm so sad and panicky, feel like I'm going crazy. Depression is already creeping up. What should I be doing now?

Sydsmurf Open the floodgates
  • replies: 3

Hi, I am new to this and I am not sure …why…I am even here…I guess I am sad and finding hard to bring my inner happiness back.so many things have happened in my life…things that I am not ready to write about as I am afraid to open the floodgates…I am... View more

Hi, I am new to this and I am not sure …why…I am even here…I guess I am sad and finding hard to bring my inner happiness back.so many things have happened in my life…things that I am not ready to write about as I am afraid to open the floodgates…I am afraid that underneath all this, I am broken. Within this statement”I am broken” is a key…and I am holding it very tight.There is two of me…the happy go lucky person..that special friend that is always happy to listen to you and encourages you to move forward…and the other…Now , I am not sure exactly when this inner split happened but I think it was when my dad past away on my birthday…my birth family is overseas and I was dealing with a serious health issue around the same time that my dad died.I made choices and decisions …were later in life I had to forgive myself for making those choices or else I would have broken a lot earlier.my long term relationship went through ups and downs and rocky roads but also very happy and fulfilling moments but this is not about my relationship with my partner …this is about the relationship with myself!today, I find myself crying about anything ..a sad song…a commercial on TV a fleeting comment made..but this sadness is deep and in no way related to any of the above mentioned stimuli.the confusion starts ..right after the sadness just disappears and I am back to being (normal) I hate using this word but I am sure you will understand what I mean.My mom past 4 years ago now as well , of cancer…my parter and I left Australia together to spend some time with my mom before she died. While we were overseas my partner who didn’t speak the language became very depressed and begged me to let him go back home ….of course I let him go but I couldn’t go with him..I needed to be at home with my mom. This was one of the hardest things I had to go through ..letting to of my partner and preparing to let go of my mom!to make a long story a little shorter…after a year of separation my partner returned and he supported me on my journey with my dying mother. After my mom left us , we decided to go back home to Australia.I was 49 years old at at time and I was worried about starting over for the third time in Australia. ageism..is a thing…in the job market.To make matters worse , covid just hit Australia and I got caught in the lockdown.Ever since I have been trying to find a new job, I even went back to TAFE and completed my diploma, thinking it will help me find a job. I am 53 now..

jeddal Alone..depressed..sad. Are you still there Ggrand and Moonstruck?
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People who are elderly and depressed and lonely have said that your thoughtful words helped them, but I have not been able to find any recent comments from you. Daily my ageing process and associated mood brings another worry, a new health problem, a... View more

People who are elderly and depressed and lonely have said that your thoughtful words helped them, but I have not been able to find any recent comments from you. Daily my ageing process and associated mood brings another worry, a new health problem, a fresh challenge. I have struggled through to today, but I am failing to keep pace. My depression is the worst that I have ever experienced and is now associated with stomach problems of nausea and vomiting. I am not a coward, but I an struggling to go on. I have read everything on line that I can find. I have followed suggestions as far as I am physically able. I have played online Scrabble and Word Games for hours each day; I walk with my much loved dog but he has developed a back problem common to German shepherds and struggles with pain himself; his discomfort is making him irritable and snappy. I fear for him too. I have just finished a 6-week course run by mental health professionals who tried so hard to help me. My dreams at night are nightmares provoked by fear. What can I do to continue? I have this morning read about boosting vitamin intake with extra Vit D, magnesium and zinc. This I will do. How else can I keep going? I would love to hear from anyone. I am lonely. Jeddal.

Mycompassion Hi
  • replies: 1

HiI have lived with my husband having cancer and passing away 10 months later. We have 2 children. We lived in Melbourne and this all happened in 2020 with Covid as well. It was tough to say the least. As a family we decided to move to Brisbane (sadl... View more

HiI have lived with my husband having cancer and passing away 10 months later. We have 2 children. We lived in Melbourne and this all happened in 2020 with Covid as well. It was tough to say the least. As a family we decided to move to Brisbane (sadly he died before the move) I have had moderate depression 3 times in live and because of this I am now on medication (mild dose) because covid and cancer was to much for me to handle. Now being a widow with 12 and 14 year old kids I am better but of course it is a journey. Love and kindness to you xx