Grief and loss

Support and advice following the loss of a family member, partner, spouse or someone close to you.

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Sophie_M Welcome to the Grief and Loss section
  • replies: 27

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to ... View more

Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you. This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones. Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.

All discussions

Purpleheart1 my fiance took his own life
  • replies: 11

I'm not sure why I am here or what I hope to gain from this. I just felt the need to reach out. It's been three weeks now since my fiance took his own life. He was an amazing person and was so kind, generous, thoughtful and lifted me up in my darkest... View more

I'm not sure why I am here or what I hope to gain from this. I just felt the need to reach out. It's been three weeks now since my fiance took his own life. He was an amazing person and was so kind, generous, thoughtful and lifted me up in my darkest days. My fiance was the type of guy that made his presence felt wherever he went. Although he struggled with depression due to so many physical injuries he had sustained and through COVID, he always had faith that things would get better. We spent every day together, laughing dancing, going for walks... he'd pick me flowers and leave notes daily to show me he loved me. The night before he passed I sensed he was low. He said he just needed to sleep it off and he'd be fine the next day. So in the morning I gave him a big hug and he reassured me he was feeling better. That was the last time I saw him. The guilt I have has consumed me. How did I not see the signs? Why didn't I save him.? I shoud NOT have gone to work that day. Why didn't he call and talk to someone? He left a note saying he was too proud that he hated himself and the world is better without him. So untrue. Everyone can't believe it. He was the happiest, silliest person. So full of life. So motivational to all. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm low. I feel like I shouldn't be here. If I could trade places with him I would. He was the love of my life and spent every single day making me feel amazing. And just like that, he's gone. I feel hollow. Empty. What is the point of life? I don't understand? I feel guilt and pain that is indescribable. I have been through loss before. I lost my father when I was 16. I thought I knew what pain was but this is a different level. He said he would always be by my side and that I was the reason he could smile every day. I failed him. And now my life is empty... hollow... numb.

Kt2215 Losing my dad has impacted my life
  • replies: 14

I lost my dad last year and the 1 year of his fathers is creeping up and I'm feeling more and more anxious. I don't want to work, see people or even get out of bed at times. I'm struggling and over eating, not exercising much and self doubting myself... View more

I lost my dad last year and the 1 year of his fathers is creeping up and I'm feeling more and more anxious. I don't want to work, see people or even get out of bed at times. I'm struggling and over eating, not exercising much and self doubting myself constantly. I recently got work and then stopped due to feeling I couldn't do it. I just want to feel normal again. The only thing keeping me going is my dog and new partner.

Christina_S Mum of son who took his own life
  • replies: 9

Hi, I'm Christina. My son Tim took his own life at the age of 34 in November 2017. He left behind so many people who loved him, but especially his sister (my daughter Mel) who is now 30 years old. Mel just had a beautiful baby girl in July this year ... View more

Hi, I'm Christina. My son Tim took his own life at the age of 34 in November 2017. He left behind so many people who loved him, but especially his sister (my daughter Mel) who is now 30 years old. Mel just had a beautiful baby girl in July this year and she is getting married in August next year. I am feeling overwhelmed as Tim's birthday is September and he passed away in November so it is a difficult time of year. Mel and I went shopping for her wedding dress a couple of weeks ago and even though we should be completely happy and excited, we both just feel so sad that Tim is not here to be a part of this. We miss him so much and even though it has been 4 years, it is still to unbelievable that he is not here with us. I cry all the time and I feel guilty that I did not see how much pain he must have been in. Any joy any more seems to be drowned in sadness. I have a supportive husband and Mel's partner is an incredibly understanding and supportive man. Even so I feel so alone and on my own in my pain. I feel strange asking if there are any others who have been through the same thing (God forbid, however I know that suicide is on the rise in young people) because that would mean that you are going through the same hell. It feels like this cloud will be with me forever, although I know logically that it will pass as we get into the new year. It usually does but right now I feel wretched. Anyone relate? I have been to a psychologist and that all made sense but it doesn't take the pain away. After Tim died, my younger brother Mike was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He was just 50. Tim passed in the November and Mike died the following March. Tims son Damian ) is 17 and Mikes son Nic (my nephew) is 20. These poor young men losing their dads within months of each other. It is all so bloody sad and it is coming up to Christmas yet again. I don't know why I am writing on this forum. I have supported Beyond Blue since Tim passed away. Kind regards, Christina S

Restless_Native I lost my wife to suicide 6 weeks ago.
  • replies: 12

Hello everyone, I'm not normally the type of person who posts in forums, or talks about my emotions, but my friends felt that I should reach out for some support. My wife, whom I was with for 22 years took her own life, and to make matters worse, I a... View more

Hello everyone, I'm not normally the type of person who posts in forums, or talks about my emotions, but my friends felt that I should reach out for some support. My wife, whom I was with for 22 years took her own life, and to make matters worse, I also found her. The frustrating thing is that although my wife had a history of depression, there were no signs that things were headed this way. Her friends and family also had no indication. There were no notes left, no letters to the kids, nothing. She seemed to be very positive about life, she loved Christmas, my daughters 18th birthday was close, she was organising things, and getting excited, for my upcoming 50th birthday, and she was due to start a new job 2 weeks later. It makes absolutely no sense. I have an 18 year old daughter (she turned 18, 2 weeks after my wife passed) who is absolutely devastated. Her mum was her best friend and she feels lost. She cries every day and cries herself to sleep most nights. She has also had the added stress of exams, which are now thankfully finished. My son is 15 and is showing little to no emotion. He has had the odd tear, but nothing much and that worries me. We have regular 'check in' chats but he just says he ok. My friends and family have offered to be there if he wants to chat, but he says he'd rather chat to me, if he needs to, which he doesn't feel that he does. I just feel numb and empty. I don't sleep particularly well but when I do sleep, I often wake up soaking in sweat. I have gone back to work, although I'm working from home at the moment, more for a financial need. My manager has been really supportive but I feel as if I'm letting work down as I find it hard to concentrate, I can't retain information, and I often find myself just staring into space, not knowing how long I've been doing it for. I'm not sure how long my work will put up with me like this, and I guess that also adds to my stress. Anyway, I'm not sure what to expect from this forum, but it feels good to get a little off my chest.

Guest_0846 Loss
  • replies: 2

I lost my best friend due to apparent neglect by a certain group that was supposed to be taking care of him and I can't get through the anger. What am I supposed to do

I lost my best friend due to apparent neglect by a certain group that was supposed to be taking care of him and I can't get through the anger. What am I supposed to do

FoxyRae Dealing with grief over the death of my mum (2+ years ago) and feeling lost
  • replies: 5

My mum passed away very suddenly 2+ years ago and at that time I was still living with her and completing my bachelor's degree. It was just her and I and our two cats, whilst my brother and sister were living with their partners. My mum and I were ve... View more

My mum passed away very suddenly 2+ years ago and at that time I was still living with her and completing my bachelor's degree. It was just her and I and our two cats, whilst my brother and sister were living with their partners. My mum and I were very close and when she passed away, it was as if a piece of my heart died with her. At the moment, I am living with my partner and am completing my masters. Whilst I thought I was finally happy, a lot of feelings have resurfaced and I am feeling quite lost. I thought I knew what I wanted in life but now I don't know. All I really want to do is talk to my mum about my issues as she was the only person who could ever make me feel better whenever I was down. Whenever I am a little down at home, I kind of feel like my partner sometimes tries to downplay my sadness because his own mum is quite an emotional person who tends to display her sadness and anger in very dramatic ways by making a scene. While I don't do that, I think my partner's response has been ingrained into him because of his own experiences with his mum. Due to this, I feel as if my sadness isn't justified and that I am being silly and should just toughen up. I guess I should approach my partner about this but I don't know how to.

7un13 Struggling going through grief losing my cat
  • replies: 5

It happened to me 4 days ago. And yes i am literally counting the days that I am away from him. He's my first cat and i take full responsibility in taking care of him. I am struggling so much from the fact that he left so sudden, quick while still to... View more

It happened to me 4 days ago. And yes i am literally counting the days that I am away from him. He's my first cat and i take full responsibility in taking care of him. I am struggling so much from the fact that he left so sudden, quick while still too young. I keep having flashbacks of that last moment, and it makes me feel so traumatised. I've been feeling rather detached throughout the day, and finding it so hard to concentrate on my uni which I have not been attending much of the classes. I think I am coping well and healthily, but the flashbacks are kind of haunting me. I still can't say his name or be the first person to mention him. I mean it's only been 4 days, so obviously I'm still struggling. Am i rushing my healing process? My sister recommends me to go to counselling so I might as well do. What is scaring me right now is the upcoming house inspection cause I'm still renting, which means I probably have to clean and put away all his stuff which I still left where they were. I'm scared. Is this normal?

H-c Dreamt about someone that passed away 5~ years ago
  • replies: 7

5~ years ago I lost someone that i dearly loved and I haven't had a dream about them for a while. In fact it's been months since I've had a conversation with them in my dreams. I don't know what triggered me to dream about them but they came into my ... View more

5~ years ago I lost someone that i dearly loved and I haven't had a dream about them for a while. In fact it's been months since I've had a conversation with them in my dreams. I don't know what triggered me to dream about them but they came into my dreams recently. I thought that I have finally accepted their passing but i guess not. In that dream I finally got a chance to tell them about everything that I've gone through these days, all the breakdowns i have and my thoughts. After that I woke up crying, to the point where i couldn't stop the tears that were streaming down my face. Am i still not done with the grieving process? everyone else seems to have moved on but why am i still frustrated and mad that they left every time I have a dream about them? I still blame myself to this day, if I had made them go to a hospital sooner maybe they would've been here today, if I hadn't listened to them saying they're fine when in fact they're clearly not.. I tried writing a letter to them and all that stuff but i still can't move on. it hurts so much my chest feels heavy but at the same time empty

Mich_pete Very sad still after lonely funeral
  • replies: 3

I'm still very sad because I couldn't get anyone to attend my brother's funeral because of covid. I had no way of making contact with any of his friends and colleagues, not for the want of trying, I couldn't get into his phone contacts. I spent a sma... View more

I'm still very sad because I couldn't get anyone to attend my brother's funeral because of covid. I had no way of making contact with any of his friends and colleagues, not for the want of trying, I couldn't get into his phone contacts. I spent a small fortune on putting advertising in the local paper's, I listed in the social media, but because I din't know his circle of friends I don't know if they knew what happened. It took the police nearly a week to find me. We had to wait a month to have the Funeral because I had to junp through a lot of hoops to get it to go ahead I wanted to meet with his friends to get an idea of where he was. But me and my husband were the only ones there. All I have is this very sad clip of footage. Sorry folks I have to vent... it's the only thing that I can do...