Gone but never forgotten

[indigo22]

Hi everyone,

I had to bury my beloved 16 year old cat on Friday. I am numb, sad, and feeling a bit lost without her.

Her absence is palpable, it is the first time I have been totally alone in this home and it just doesn't feel right. Those who love their pets deeply will understand the emptiness I am feeling this weekend. She was pure love, not a mean bone in her body, and got me through some of the worst years of my life.

I knew the day she came into my life, that she was there for a reason, I just didn't know what that reason was until a couple of years later. She kept my heart open when I could have very easily closed it off to the world. Her unconditional love was the only thing that kept me going for a few years.

We know when we welcome an animal into our lives that we will (most likely) outlive them, but we do it anyway because the bond we share makes us feel connected, particularly those with mental health issues. Animals are so intuitive and give us what we sometimes can't get from another human due to the traumatic events we have been through.

This is not the first time I have been through this, there have been others in the past so I know I will recover from this loss. It is just difficult at present to accept that her physical presence is no longer here with me.

To everyone who is going through the loss of a beloved pet, my thoughts are with you.

indigo 🐈

[Emotions26]

Hello Indigo22

I just came across your post here and am so sorry for your loss. A huge loss.

You wrote this 7 hours ago and they might feel no different to 7 months sitting feeling so empty. Then I read that this loss was Friday.

Again I am so sorry that you have had the whole weekend sitting in this grief on your own.

I also have lost many pets over the years and it does not make it any easier.

I agree with you about feeling that she was there for a reason. You found each other. Did you know that animals give so much to their owners and in many instances we actually give far more to them. Their love for us is so unconditonal and adoring even when they might look grumpy with us at times.

You gave far more love and support to your beautiful girl than you will ever know.

Animals are very tuned in to trauma. 

I know that there are many who have written about the loss of their pets and how strong the pain is.

Please know that you are not sitting alone there. You are in my thoughts as you have kindly offered the same to others. My cat has been unwell and he has just turned 13 and I am worrying about him.

I know that other people will come and write to you.

I write on Reflections of my dad thread which is in the grief section also. Somebody on there wrote about the loss of a pet. You are welcome to write on there if you feel up to it. 

I will try to remember where to find you and check on you.

Hug something that has your cat's smell and talk to her that might help reduce some of the intensity.

Let the tears come when they are ready.

Be very kind and gentle with yourself.

Goodnight for now Indigo

Ems

[indigo22]

Hi Ems,

Thank you so much for your kind words, it is always a comfort when others can relate to how you are feeling.

We have crossed paths in a few threads including the one you mentioned. I wrote on Tim's thread early on then noticed that you were doing such a good job of supporting him that I left it alone to do replies for new members.

I don't very often start a thread myself, but I felt the need to express this loss. I cried so many tears for my girl on Friday, I doubt there is anything left in the reservoir. I had a prearranged appointment with my therapist on Saturday, so I worked through some of my feelings there.

Her food and water bowl are still in the same spot and I am not ready to move them yet. I just need a bit of time to come to terms with her absence. She was always in the same room as I was, either on my lap or very close by and would cuddle up with me when I went to bed. It is like losing a soul mate that could never be replaced.

I remember feeling these same things when my other cats passed so I know it is a temporary state of grief, but as you said, no matter how many times you go through it, it never gets any easier.

I hope your boy's health improves soon, I know how worrying it is when they are unwell.

Take care of yourself and your boy,

indigo 

[Emotions26]

Hello indigo,

Thank you for responding so caringly. I am sorry that I forgot which thread you were on.

I have chronic prolongued trauma and grief along with remnants of post concussion. Throw aging onto  the pile and every day stress. Well a chaotic mind. Causes confusion and interferes with memory and sleep patterns.

I know that blank, empty feeling of "grief" only too well.  I recognised your huge loss from what I felt behind your words. Understandably so. Your beautiful girl was a huge part of your life and as you have already said, you remember how you felt during past experiences. I would bravely say to you that each grief is different as there might be remnants from others still hanging on. Not wanting to make you feel worse by any means.

I am very good at foot in mouth upsetting others. 

Embracing the fact now that I am different, helps me to be less self critical. I still am my own worst enemy.

In relation to writing on Tim's (I know him as smallwolf) thread, please come back only of course if you are up to it. Tim graciously welcomes all contributors. I lost my mum 2022 and found his thread so helpful reading perspectives of others. You will find my waffling on there still.  Tony WK adds some interesting concepts and incredible poetry.

You must do as you feel and only you know that. 

Perhaps you needed to have a thread of your own for now keeping your girl with you. I feel for you when you write about your soul mate as I still feel that from time to time when I think of one cat who was a rescue cat and thought I was his mum and a dog who also found me.  

Your soulmate  will always be with you.  I believe that they never leave us. To have such a deep connection with an animal or human stays for ever.

The food and water bowl can stay where they are. You might find that helps you talk to her. There are no rules about belongings either. She will be leaving you little signs about the place if you are open to that concept.  

Write here or wherever when it helps and be gentle as you are important also.

I see that you are a Community Champion. That tells me how many you have helped  over time.

Now is your time.

Ems

My boy is sleeping in one of his many special places. He has many and refuses to sleep in one of those round calming beds that we bought him after his last visit to the vets. He is not heaving anywhere at the moment! I am keeping a close eye on him though.

[indigo22]

Hi Ems,

You never need to apologise to me for anything, I am no spring chicken and understand how memory can be affected.

I have decided that grief sucks!

It would seem we have been through some similar experiences. I have lost 6 humans, 4 family members and 2 close friends along with my cats over the years.

When I read about your boy and his many favourite places, it made me smile. My girl was the same, sometimes it was like playing hide and seek, because I never knew which would be the favoured spot for the day. I also bought a soft cosy round bed for her and not only did she refuse to investigate it, she was actually afraid of it 😅

She spent the first 14 and a half years in perfect health, with no vet visits required with the exception of having her teeth cleaned and a tooth removed when she was 12. However the last 12 - 18 months her health had been declining but without costly intervention, the vet could not decide what was going on with her. She had an x-ray which didn't give any real indication and given her age, I did not want to put her under anaesthetic as part of her ill health was affecting her breathing. I just didn't have the money for ultrasounds and scans, I would gladly have done all those things but the cost is so huge, in my opinion, ridiculously so. The medications that were tried where not helping. I also tried medicine from an animal naturopath which was not helping.

As her health declined, she lost weight and didn't have a lot of fat on her bones to keep her warm. I remembered I had an electric cushion that I had not been using so I set that up in the armchair one day and she loved it. When it wasn't set up, she would sit on the arm of the chair and wait for me to set it up for her. It brought her a lot of comfort in the last months of her life. I mentioned this as something to consider for your boy as he gets older. The cushion is no longer made but there are electric heating pads available that are not overly expensive that could be laid over a cushion or pillow.

I hope you are both having a good day,

indigo

[Scared]

Im sorry to learn you lost your friend Indigo.   Nothing i can say to lessen the loss i know that.  Yes pets can bring a special bond and a gaping wound when they leave .  Take care of yourself in your time of grief. You give so much to beyond blue and i have deep respect for you Indigo.   Scared

[indigo22]

Dear Scared,

Thank you for your kind words.

I hope you know that deep respect is returned, I hope you are going ok at the moment.

I am still checking for replies so if there is anything you want to talk about I will be around.

Take care,

indigo

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Indigo,

I’m deeply sorry for the loss of your beautiful cat, I buried my beautiful Ebony on the 19/7/24, it was the hardest thing I ever had to do, my heart still aches for her…

Its so hard when we loose our pets, they do become our best friends, our life savers, companions and love us unconditionally….as we love them unconditionally….once they leave this life, they take a huge part of our heart with them….

R.I.P..Sweet beautiful cat….

A gentle warm and caring hug Dear Indigo…

Grandy..

[indigo22]

Hi Grandy,

I'm sorry to hear you have also been through this experience so recently, it is such a heartbreaking thing to go through and takes time to heal from such a loss. I find myself staring into space a lot, just feeling numb and not knowing how to fill the void where she resided.

Coincidentally, I had a pair of sisters from the same litter years ago called Ebony and Ivory. 

I have been wanting to plant a rose bush in my garden in memory of all that are no longer here (human and animal) and will start with my beloved girl. I bought a rose called "Adorable" and hope to get it planted over her grave today. I also plan to have a plaque made in the coming weeks.

Returning your warm hug Grandy, with a wish for us both to heal our hearts soon.

indigo