Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Guest_76191066 Lost myself loving someone who cant live without me
  • replies: 2

title. 24/mgoing to be a bit long winded need to get all of this outpeople seem to come to me when they have problems, depression especially. ive helped close friends come out of their "holes" unhealthy, over weight, isolating themselves. I felt like... View more

title. 24/mgoing to be a bit long winded need to get all of this outpeople seem to come to me when they have problems, depression especially. ive helped close friends come out of their "holes" unhealthy, over weight, isolating themselves. I felt like i had the key to happiness, like it was simple. small steps every day to feel better. listen to the birds, appreciate the suns warmth.I met a girl. its been 2 years and we live together. she has diagnosed issues and I try and have tried everything i know how to help her. it feels like nothing i do is enough help her be happy. I love her. but i dont think i can be with her. its seeping into me and im losing myself my friends my hobbies my love for life. and she says she cant live without me. I cant get over how i would be making a choice to leave a choice to be selfish and give up. it would destroy her. ive tried to get her back to therapy and ive tried every trick to get her up and out the house to hear the birds and feel the sun. she needs help and i thought it could be me to save her. i try to be who she needs, working for our future but i get the same resistance to positivity. im failing what i thought was my lifes purpose. to help someone. im lost

Guest_82741891 Marriage meltdown after 25 years and so many hurdles, how to cope!?!
  • replies: 0

I’ve been married for 25 years so there’s no way to condense all that into a brief bio.I’m currently seeing a psychologist and a peer worker at a government Mental Health Hub as well as a drug/alcohol counsellor at another community centre.These sess... View more

I’ve been married for 25 years so there’s no way to condense all that into a brief bio.I’m currently seeing a psychologist and a peer worker at a government Mental Health Hub as well as a drug/alcohol counsellor at another community centre.These sessions are generally once a week which sounds like a lot of support, but I still feel like I’m lacking something and am grasping at straws hoping for a quick fix which I know isn’t possible. I’m posting this in the hope that I will find someone in a similar situation that I can chat to.My marriage has been fraught with many issues including an emigration I wasn’t happy with and numerous moves since then. In the process I became very dependant on alcohol. Yes, a very unhealthy stress relief option but so be it.We have now built a new house in the country and a week after moving in I got a letter from my husband’s lawyer placing our separation date on record since you need 12 months of separation before you can get divorced in Australia.I’ve been like an ostrich since then, in complete denial even 2 months after the fact.I have never ever, in all this time suspected that he would have an affair but the sudden determination and urgency at ending our marriage got me rethinking that. Since yesterday I have 2 very compelling reasons to believe that there is in fact a third person in this marriage.He denied it, of course and in a weak moment said “we are legally separated, I can do whatever I want” which was pretty telling.I am so very alone, I have no idea where to go from here! I know acceptance is the next logical step but I can’t find a way to get there.Our kids are mostly grown up and will mostly be fine without us. Yes, there’s a bit of “empty nest syndrome” there but there’s also a feeling that no-one needs me and they’d all be better off if I just wasn’t here anymore. Sure, they’d be sad for a while, especially my mum, but ultimately that’s the best situation I can picture right now.I have called Lifeline once before and they were more helpful than I expected them to be. What’s ultimately keeping me from doing anything stupid though isThe thought that someone I love will have to find me after the fact and deal with all of thatThe extreme pain it would cause my mum and, to a lesser extent other family membersThe pressure of having to write letters to my kids and other family members explaining why I did what I did and attempt to absolve them of any guilt

Guest_78532480 Lying
  • replies: 2

I’ve had problems with addiction since I was probably 16, I got clean off of a certain anxiety medication about a year ago and I’m super proud of myself, but that’s not where the addiction stops, I have problems with vaping, I’ve tried to stop and I ... View more

I’ve had problems with addiction since I was probably 16, I got clean off of a certain anxiety medication about a year ago and I’m super proud of myself, but that’s not where the addiction stops, I have problems with vaping, I’ve tried to stop and I just can’t I’ve tired Nicolette chewies, I’ve tried cold turkey. it’s now effecting my relationship with my girlfriend because I’m lying about it, idk why I keep lying but I do, she’s caught me with vapes on multiple occasions where I’ve said I don’t have one, idk what to do to help save my relationship and to help me quit them, it’s effecting my mental health as well as hers

Guest_67869874 Life after abortion
  • replies: 2

Hi, I had an abortion 6 months ago. I found out I was pregnant late one night and was quite happy. I told my partner but he wasn’t as keen and said he wasn’t ready. We discussed our options but ultimately settled for an abortion (I suffer from anxiet... View more

Hi, I had an abortion 6 months ago. I found out I was pregnant late one night and was quite happy. I told my partner but he wasn’t as keen and said he wasn’t ready. We discussed our options but ultimately settled for an abortion (I suffer from anxiety and have c/hood trauma). The next two weeks were the worst of my life. I agreed to an abortion but I didn’t want it. I spent days crying and throwing up until I ended up in hospital from dehydration (3 times) I felt so helpless in the hospital. Due to my anxiety I couldn’t stop vomiting after the abortion either. I ended up back at the hospital after the abortion and felt so ashamed and embarrassed, like the whole world was looking down on me. I tried to go back to work but I couldn’t keep it together, every pregnant woman every child, I cry. I lost my job. Tried to exercise exclusively to distract myself and wore myself out. I stopped exercising about two months ago and now I feel lost, I’ve gained weight which only makes me feel worse. I last about a week between hysterical breakdowns about the abortion (I didn’t want to have an abortion, it’s destroyed me emotionally) I don’t have any friends so all I do is think about it. I want to be able to get past this but I feel like I’m frozen in time. The worlds so fast paced I feel like I’m drowning.

naralle I'm struggling
  • replies: 2

I'm not coping at all with my husband drinking and he needs help. He knows he's an alcoholic but won't get help.

I'm not coping at all with my husband drinking and he needs help. He knows he's an alcoholic but won't get help.

Elf911 Narcissistic parent of my children
  • replies: 13

I'm looking for unbiased opinion on a topic. My ex partner, father of three of my children, we have been separated for 18 months now and he want to reconcile without even sitting at a table to explain how it all ended in the first place. For thirteen... View more

I'm looking for unbiased opinion on a topic. My ex partner, father of three of my children, we have been separated for 18 months now and he want to reconcile without even sitting at a table to explain how it all ended in the first place. For thirteen years we were together, he took control of every aspect of our lives, right down to the coin to spend on food for our kids, I was totally under his thumb. For a long while it was easier for him to do so with small children to care for but it went beyond control, he made me question my own sanity and safety with him on more than one occasion. Now out of this relationship and try to maintain communication for my children's sake of having a father, I see all the lies and manipulation that I previously had rose coloured glasses on for. Now since I mentioned lawyers for parenting agreements he is sending messages to ask me if we can fix things. In my head I can not see a future where 1. He is not completely transparent and submissive as I was in the past as I'm have gained my independence and am never giving it up again; 2 that will ever agree to give up the things that lead us to break up, eg gambling and search for money; 3 I in my right mind cannot really expect him to change as so, I don't want a puppet to love with strings attached and in so couldn't ask him to be a different person. So how do I get what I need from him; closure and commitment to our children, without that narcissistic personality in the mix. He likes playing games and seeing a person's reaction. Do I be straight and tell him I will never entertain the idea of reconciliation and what dame the results of his reaction as I know it will be negative or play this slow and ask for commitments such as therapy and time before his actions inevitable show his intentions and throw it up as you weren't able to for fill what you were asking as an equal in this relationship therefore it can not happen. Either way my children will suffer as they already are because of his actions. I am stuck in a hard place.

RosyRose AVO against controlling ex-partner
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, I'm reaching out to see if anyone has had a similar experience or can offer any advice. I've recently taken out an AVO against my ex-partner who started stalking me after our breakup. In our relationship he was very controlling, with him... View more

Hi everyone, I'm reaching out to see if anyone has had a similar experience or can offer any advice. I've recently taken out an AVO against my ex-partner who started stalking me after our breakup. In our relationship he was very controlling, with him being verbally, psychologically and on one account physical abusive. Despite showing no interest in me during our relationship, he fought aggressively to get me back whenever I tried to end things. He would get new phone numbers to harass me after I blocked him and even showed up at my door unannounced. Within just five months, I found myself back with him due to his relentless harassment. When I finally broke it off for good, he made it extremely difficult to get rid of him. He followed me to dance events and repeatedly initiated contact despite my clear instructions not to. I often threatened to call the police to get him to back off. During the relationship there was also an issue of him intentionally getting me pregnant. I never wanted anything but an abortion. He refused to use protection, which was always a significant point of contention for me and made me very angry. Some weeks after I blocked him and broke off for good, he sent me an email outlining a detailed plan to get engaged, married, have kids, and buy property together—all within six months. This email came even after I had warned him about calling the police if he didn't stop contacting me. A couple of weeks later, he followed me to another dance event, which was the final straw. His behaviour was incredibly creepy, and I went to the police to get an AVO. He didn't show up at the court hearing and seems to be ignoring the AVO altogether. Now, I'm scared because I know he is very narcissistic and won't take this restriction lightly. I'm worried about potential repercussions since he cannot "lose" or be limited in his movements without reacting. I'm considering removing the AVO, but the police informed me that it can't be revoked through them and would need to go through the court, which could take up to 18 months. Has anyone been through something similar? Do you have any advice on how to handle this situation?

Yearnineteen Dick brother
  • replies: 4

Hey, Im not super close with my brother so while my parents were on holiday i thought id invite them over. I said come over what ever day at whatever time (despite my very busy uni schedule) he could chose lunch. My boyfriend stayed up all night maki... View more

Hey, Im not super close with my brother so while my parents were on holiday i thought id invite them over. I said come over what ever day at whatever time (despite my very busy uni schedule) he could chose lunch. My boyfriend stayed up all night making a brisket to impress him and spent over $200, only for him and his family on the day to say there coming late because his son needs a nap… i asked if he could nap here and he says there not coming because hes got his own family now, its too painful to see me and he doesn’t need me. A I was obviously really upset. Hes now coming over tonight and i dont want too see him unless he apologizes but my parents screamed at me and said i have to and he wont apologize. My mum started crying (playing the victim as usal) and said she will never do anything for me again, then my dad claims im threatening her? And says hes going to slap the shit out of me so i slap him first and he says hes going to call the police 💀 Anyways what the hell do i do, i dont have anywhere to stay and cant afford to move out.

Guest_44363348 Ex husband keeps texting me
  • replies: 1

Help! I was married to my ex husband for 15 years and being separated for 9 years in November.. due to a toxic relationship.. we are not divorced but separated The last 9 months he has being suffering from pstd and keeps saying he wants to harm himse... View more

Help! I was married to my ex husband for 15 years and being separated for 9 years in November.. due to a toxic relationship.. we are not divorced but separated The last 9 months he has being suffering from pstd and keeps saying he wants to harm himself.. he just doesn't text me he texts our adult daughters too, and sends my eldest daughter into meltdowns (she has Asperger's) I am feeling stressed out about the whole situation, and have raised my concerns to my GP about my ex, he advised me to call the police or ambulance for a welfare check.. This has happened when I was living with him as well, he goes into mind games and stirs up alot of things .. I feel like he is trying to blame me for the way he is feeling.. Help please ..

Tinam Our son was charged with murder
  • replies: 13

Does anyone know of any support groups for parents with criminal children? We can't get ourselves out of this depressed state of bewilderment and need to talk to other parents coping with same issues. Our son was 18 yrs old when he was charged.

Does anyone know of any support groups for parents with criminal children? We can't get ourselves out of this depressed state of bewilderment and need to talk to other parents coping with same issues. Our son was 18 yrs old when he was charged.