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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Guest_27350611 Controlling mum
  • replies: 1

My mum threatens to kick me out every time i go out she calls me to tell me she is gonna kick me out im a 22 year old female i also pay rent 250-280 a Fortnight im so lost of what to do

My mum threatens to kick me out every time i go out she calls me to tell me she is gonna kick me out im a 22 year old female i also pay rent 250-280 a Fortnight im so lost of what to do

NBer Want to separate from a family member with BPD
  • replies: 2

I have a sibling with untreated, but diagnosed severe BPD. Following the most resent episode, I have come to the painful realisation that for my own mental and physical health, I need to permanently separate from this person and focus my attention on... View more

I have a sibling with untreated, but diagnosed severe BPD. Following the most resent episode, I have come to the painful realisation that for my own mental and physical health, I need to permanently separate from this person and focus my attention on supporting and protecting my nephew. I realise this seems harsh, but I do not want to share details of the horrendous and ongoing devastation this person has caused to our family and others. They also refuse to seek or engage in treatment. The issue I have is extreme guilt, not only for wanting to permanently separate, but also because I am so much happier and relaxed since making this decision. The other issue is that my mother does not understand my position as I have been the key support for this person, and this is causing friction and a deterioration in our relationship. I have looked around for support through this process but have not been able to find any. I have looked at Spectrum but other than information about carer self care, there is no information on point. I cannot afford to see a counsellor about this at the moment. I’m wondering if others have made this painful decision and what supports they were able to locate. Thank you

Ralb How do I toughen up mentally
  • replies: 6

Over 20 years ago my now ex wife suffered what I believe was post natal depression. She had wild moods swings and ended up "falling in love " with a woman overseas whom she met on a Johhny depp fan forum. To cut a long story short to get me out of th... View more

Over 20 years ago my now ex wife suffered what I believe was post natal depression. She had wild moods swings and ended up "falling in love " with a woman overseas whom she met on a Johhny depp fan forum. To cut a long story short to get me out of the picture so she could connect with this woman my life was turned upside down. I was regularly have police interview me about alleged assaults, she also reported me to DOCS and police (reported this incident 5 years after it allegedly happened). I went to extreme lengths to prove my innocence (I moved interstate without telling her and allegations were made about me physically intimidating her and finally police stopped taking her seriously and gave her a warning about wasting police time when knowing she would make a complaint about me on my birthday i sat in a police station waiting room to ensure I had a water tight alabi.. I left her keep the house, paid thousands of dollars a month in maintenance and paid off the mortgage. I did this to hopefully show my daughter i am a good man. It's now 18 years later and during this time I saw my business destroyed thanks to Victoria criminal knockdowns. My daughter is brainwashed about how evil i am. I have been living in my car and cooking on a small gas cooker and I park near beachside amenities. This has been the case since COVID. I had no money to make support payments so she sold a house for $3.5m and brought a replacement for $2m so they have plenty of money. In my situation with the bank seizing them business assets and garnisheeing a large amount of my now salary and crap credit history i can't get a home. It's impossible to meet people in my situation and even if I did they would ask me about my circumstances and frankly it's embarrassing. I have played mind tricks for years.. planning for a better future, reconnecting with my daughter etc but it's hit me now that's impossible I have had to resign from jobs outlet of embarrassment as if the ex finds out where I work she sends my employer vile lies about me. Police are not interested I would never self harm as its against religious beliefs and I believe you do the right thing in this life then the next life will bring rewards. So what I'm need is advice on how to be mentally tough enough to accept my situation and fight my way though it. Thank you

Guest_71087933 Accepting the pattern of my life.
  • replies: 0

Two weeks today I’ll turn 50, the optimism of my youth depleted, the sincere belief that things, life events, will get better, i no longer trust in.I have tried very hard this last year to change but really the pattern of my life is set, I lack frien... View more

Two weeks today I’ll turn 50, the optimism of my youth depleted, the sincere belief that things, life events, will get better, i no longer trust in.I have tried very hard this last year to change but really the pattern of my life is set, I lack friends, the ability to connect to people in anything beyond a superficial way eludes me. I think I’ve made a connection, then I find out I haven’t been invited to events, a quick drink after work, a birthday or a wedding reception that everyone else in the office has attended. I’m not nasty, but I think I’m forgettable. It just keeps happening, every decade of my life has been the same. I’m exhausted, I’m sad, I don’t want to care anymore. I’m kind and friendly, but I also don’t matter much to anyone. Is there any point to a life lived in isolation?

Quiettall Handling a very determined wife
  • replies: 1

I have a difficult situation where my wife of 20 years has chronic illness. She is using that as an excuse to be very determined, difficult and dictatorial. For example, she has decided to arbitrarily sell off what she calls "excess" items in the hou... View more

I have a difficult situation where my wife of 20 years has chronic illness. She is using that as an excuse to be very determined, difficult and dictatorial. For example, she has decided to arbitrarily sell off what she calls "excess" items in the house without discussing with me. I have asked that at least we should talk about it and agree on things we dont need and can sell. She is also totally dismissive of my voluntary work or anything I do around the house, constantly criticising and telling me she wants this or that and I dont seem to be doing anything right in her eyes. At this moment I am feeling very frustrated, if not angry and looking to take a few days away to get respite and give her time to reflect and realise what she is doing. Normally I am very calm and logical but finding myself constantly watching my back, readying myself for another instruction or criticism

izzy Loneliness
  • replies: 1

Hello, I just hopped on here after almost a year, im now a fresh 17 year old and i feel myself falling down a hole again.. Im not really an emotional person, i am on the inside but on the outside you wouldn't ever guess that. I don't really cry, i fe... View more

Hello, I just hopped on here after almost a year, im now a fresh 17 year old and i feel myself falling down a hole again.. Im not really an emotional person, i am on the inside but on the outside you wouldn't ever guess that. I don't really cry, i feel the need to a-lot but it just doesn't happen. Everyone around me tells me that i keep everything to myself and carry a-lot of weight, being my own and everyone else's, i pile up and cant let it go, i hold onto things.. big or small, and think about it non stop. But lately i feel lonely, not lonely like i want someone here, lonely like there is none else on this earth for me. Im no-ones first choice.. i have amazing friends who make me laugh everyday but i still feel so incredibly lonely. At home i don't really have anyone to talk to, my little sister is my mums jewel who has her eye all the time… which isn't a problem because my sister needs help, she is 15 but still depends on her and i'm more independent.. i love my mum tho, she is amazing i just feel that i cant connect with her. Which also means that i get blamed for everything. I ask something simple and i get attitude. I get in trouble for everything and it seems in that household of 4 that i’m the punching bag of the family who gets blamed and gets everything put on them. At my dads its sorta the opposite, my dad is divorced from my mum and struggles with money a-lot, so i try help out but i just get called lazy, i definitely connect more with my dad but we are barley at his. Don’t get me wrong i love my family it just feels like i have none in this world. Like i said i am nones first choice and that hurts like a hole in my heart as it is. But to then feel like i have none and to be a failure it kinda feels like i should just give up. Im about to go into year 12 which is so scary. I feel like i cant do it. I really cant describe the feeling i feel everyday endlessly, but it sucks. i just really don't know if i can do this.. i just feel shitty a-lot of the time. Im about to go into Christmas holidays for school.. so if you have an suggestions or like activities i can do to pass time and get my mind away from it, that would be greatly appreciated. Thank you

_kj Loneliness and how do I deal with it?
  • replies: 2

I’ve recently been feeling really lonely, and I don’t know what to do I have family, which I am grateful for, but it isn’t enough I sort of just want a friend. I want to connect with someone. However, all my experiences with ‘friends’ have been prett... View more

I’ve recently been feeling really lonely, and I don’t know what to do I have family, which I am grateful for, but it isn’t enough I sort of just want a friend. I want to connect with someone. However, all my experiences with ‘friends’ have been pretty mediocre and I can never keep the ones I do manage to make People say friendships happen when you’re not looking for them. So when someone initiated a friendship with me recently, I felt really hopeful.But they don’t actually give me the time of day. We talk, but only if I reach out first. They put in no effort at all.The mental stress of trying to navigate this ‘friendship’ makes me unwell. So I try to step away, but I think about it daily. It’s really affected my self esteem, and left me feeling not good enough. I’ve never been in a relationship, or on a date. I’ve been asked on dates before, but I’m too scared. I’d prefer to get to know someone first, but if you don’t immediately go on dates, they lose interest I joined a club months ago, where I also do volunteer work. It makes me feel ok when I’m there, but then I just feel lonely again when I leave. Nobody seems to want to know me outside of that environment I try to be myself, but myself is socially anxious, shy, and introverted. And people don’t seem to understand that, or have the patience for it It’s like I’m stuck in this cycle of being myself but it isn’t enough So I give more than what is myself, but it comes off as fake I’m constantly told to not let other people define my worth, that I don’t need other people to make me feel good, or I don’t need a relationship to be happy. But the people that say that are in relationships, they have friends. They have people that love and care about them It just gets really frustrating. I try not to dwell on it, but sometimes my emotions get the better of me. I’ve never felt lonely like this before.It’s like I’m balancing between remaining hopeful or just flat out giving up I’d love some advice or stories of other people overcoming situations like this. Because it feels like it will be this way forever.

OdysMum27 Supporting Sister
  • replies: 3

My BIL has done something stupid and been arrested, not yet sentenced. I desperately want to support my sister and her children through this, however I am aware of my limitations due to my history of depression and anxiety. I don't want to make thing... View more

My BIL has done something stupid and been arrested, not yet sentenced. I desperately want to support my sister and her children through this, however I am aware of my limitations due to my history of depression and anxiety. I don't want to make things worse for our family by having a major depressive episode, I am also trying to work through my feelings and reactions to this. Any suggestions on how I can be supportive would be greatly appreciated.

Brokenman Big mistakes
  • replies: 1

6 years ago I was working for family business and my father passed away. I was left to run the business on my own not knowing what to do or how to run a business. In this time I turned to gaming apps to cope with everything. I spent a lot of money on... View more

6 years ago I was working for family business and my father passed away. I was left to run the business on my own not knowing what to do or how to run a business. In this time I turned to gaming apps to cope with everything. I spent a lot of money on these apps without even realising the amounts I was spending. Fast forward to now I have been hit with 160k of tax bills from not knowing what to do or the implications of not being compliant. I have ATO threatening to close the business and potentially bankrupt me.I informed my wife of this and she was supportive and wanting to help find a way to refinance our house and get the debt under control. Since then she discovered my spending on the gaming apps and has completely shut down from me and is extremely angry saying she doesn’t know if we can continue after this debt is sorted. She doesn’t want to leave me because it would ruin our 12 year old son but is so angry that she doesn’t see a future. She says she needs space. I have deleted all games and am waiting on banks answer to refinance.I am completely broken, scared of losing everything, embarrassed that I let it get to this I feel alone with everything and could not live a life without my family. I don’t know what to do to save my family and myself

Alvi Hi i dont know what i should
  • replies: 2

Hi after years of emotional abuse in my marriage i have checked out mentally. I recently have made up my mind to divorce him. However recently he hired a mind coach to help him navigate work life balance. Now he is suddenly trying to improve by think... View more

Hi after years of emotional abuse in my marriage i have checked out mentally. I recently have made up my mind to divorce him. However recently he hired a mind coach to help him navigate work life balance. Now he is suddenly trying to improve by thinking he can just waltz in to my life by suddenly starting to do the affectionate stuff. The thing is i have been stuck in similar loop for so long of abuse then as soon as he realise i am leaving he will be good. I am worried its the same thing. TBH i cannot take this anymore. I am having mental breakdown , constantly crying and feeling extremely unsafe mentally. His mental coach reached out to me to get an idea of marriage to which he has a good idea. But the things he is making my husband do are making me feel unsafe and uncertain that the previous things will repeat. I have made a safety bubble for myself which he wants to get in for ex coming to my gym, wanting to sleep in same bed. Havent shared bed in past 2 yrs. The abuse had intensified in last 6 months and again coming to point that he wants to be nice which i think is again part of his manipulation.