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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Guest_22303912 Porn addicted husband spent 22k on prostitutes
  • replies: 0

5 years ago I found out my partner of 20 years has a 35+ year porn addiction and had seen 2 prostitutes. Despite evidence he denied he had seen them, said he just booked them but couldn't go. That there were only were these 2. He then proceeded to th... View more

5 years ago I found out my partner of 20 years has a 35+ year porn addiction and had seen 2 prostitutes. Despite evidence he denied he had seen them, said he just booked them but couldn't go. That there were only were these 2. He then proceeded to threaten to kill himself despite it being me that had been treated appallingly. We had councelling. He lied all through it. Never admitted what happened. A couple of years later I was fed up with no progress. I said get help or I'm leaving. He went to a counsellor. He NEVER mentioned his sex issue in therapy. I found out that he had spent over 22 thousand on prostitutes and continued to see them the whole time he was supposed to be dealing with his issues in therapy. He lied to me, his own therapist, and in couples therapy. He still said he never went to visit them. Later he said he visited 1 but never had sex. All he has ever done is lie and not address the issue. I had enough. Last we I asked him to move out. For a trial separation. If he doesn't work on this in therapy it will be permanent. My therapist and friends think that as he's had over 20 years of not going to therapy when asked it doesn't seem likely he will now. I agree. Unfortunately his behaviour has greatly contributed to mental health decline for me. I have severe stress, anxiety and depression. My therapist recommends I get a job because she's seen it so many times that husbands just disappear leaving partners penniless. I have been out of the workforce for over 18 years raising kids. I can't seem to get a job. My anxiety is so bad I can't even drive right now. I feel like I need time to sort out my mental health now he's gone but I can't afford to take that time because I could end up homeless at any point (he has engineered it so EVERYTHING is in his name) I have no assets, no employment references and I'm sure you've seen the rental market right now. So what yo do? I need recovery time but I need work. Anxiety makes it impossible to get work, not having work makes anxiety worse.

Phantom68 I just want to hide !
  • replies: 0

Hello. First timer and all the conversations running through my mind are so hard to type. Not sure where to start. Quite a few issues going on all at once. In my teens Family sexual interference. 1st real romance broke my heart age 17-22. New Marriag... View more

Hello. First timer and all the conversations running through my mind are so hard to type. Not sure where to start. Quite a few issues going on all at once. In my teens Family sexual interference. 1st real romance broke my heart age 17-22. New Marriage at 24 ended due to violence and unfaithful husband , divorced at 26.now in 2nd marriage Not sure how I feel about my 26 years, but still here after we did separate for 6months ….mourning 3 lost baby’s. We have 1 only child now 24 and 3 older step children. Only child now been chronic suicidal for 10yrs. I’m now drowning in my own guilt and self hate I don’t know what to do. I’m trying to hold down a full time job to help support us, through tough times. I now have found friendship in another man who 3 yrs ago said he would support me but as usual he has slower started to fade away. It’s almost like I’m a stranger again. My head is mash potato can’t think or concentrate at anytime if the day. Just on autopilot it seems. This all won’t make sense but at least I have got it out there. I’m just lost in my own head. not knowing how to deal with what’s next. All I want to do is hide

MidnightThinker People don’t like spending time with me
  • replies: 2

So I’m 29 and keep coming to the same realisation as each year passes - I have no real friends. I have some acquaintances, sure, but no actual friends that I talk to on a somewhat regular basis or that want to hang out with me. I posted months ago ab... View more

So I’m 29 and keep coming to the same realisation as each year passes - I have no real friends. I have some acquaintances, sure, but no actual friends that I talk to on a somewhat regular basis or that want to hang out with me. I posted months ago about how no one asks how I am, which is still 100% the case. I can’t help but feel like there has to be something wrong with me - I must be the problem because I’m the only common denominator. I just don’t understand what is so off putting about me or I would fix it. I’m completely alone even when I’m surrounded by people and it sucks. I’m getting close to accepting that this is my life, that no one likes me and they never will. No one really knows me at all because they never care enough to get to know me. As I said in my last post, when I ask how someone is, they never ask me the same question - that’s how bad it really is and I’m not even exaggerating. How do I cope with this reality? I’ve officially given up on trying as of this moment because it honestly hurts a little less than continuing to kid myself into thinking that anyone besides my partner could possibly give a rats behind about me and my unfortunate existence in the world. How do I move on without feeling so worthless?

randomxx Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.
  • replies: 596

Hi to anyone that might drop in , it's rx here l just had to rejoin.A few might remember my ongoing thread about gf and her situation, us and the rest. Sadly though, we've broken up after all that.l'm 59 now, just feels hopeless. lt's not that l don'... View more

Hi to anyone that might drop in , it's rx here l just had to rejoin.A few might remember my ongoing thread about gf and her situation, us and the rest. Sadly though, we've broken up after all that.l'm 59 now, just feels hopeless. lt's not that l don't get interest it's just the thought of starting over sometime later on down the track now, again, meeting that right person, it's about that person, not any interest or 2 dozen others, it's that one that feels so hopeless and if even ever at all will probably be yrs away from now, and l'll feel like it even less.Ya just can't help thinking about it even though it's of course not the time right now for sure, know that. As in my other thread, we were up and down , she had huge problems when we met, visas' and court cases and mh and health, she was all over the place. That's why l held back with her and us, 5 yrs but l still supported her with all l had right through it all though. All that had finally finished 3yrs in but she was still all over the place, l felt l could never trust it or her true self.Together she was loving and supportive and affectionate and just a real partner tbh . But we were still long distance again due to her situation and so whenever she was home again or l wasn't up at hers, she'd just change again.She'd be all negative and her health would go to shit again, talking bad stuff about us, saying she was too sick now to have a relationship, must've went through all that 20 times with her in 5yrs.Truth was together, she was not only just beautiful mostly , but also fitter than any girl her age l ever knew soon as she was back up home alone though it'd all just start again.There's no talking or reasoning, even though she use to preach positivity herself, the negativity just pours out all over again, even if we'd just had a beautiful 3 or 4wks together. Dealing with that 5yrs plus all her earlier dramas , l just couldn't trust anything to do with us, but l hoped in time or once we were together full time, that'd all just go as it was when we were together. But then l'd think how would l know that was real just bc we were together properly at last, if she was going home again she'd just blurt out all the same old stuff. Anyway, it started again after our last visit, her health her stress , she can't be in a relationship, l've had enough.ldk, l was divorced 10yrs ago, laid low 5yrs, but she was the only one l'd met that just fitted, but then there was the rest of it. l could see a life with her though if it all sorted out and so l persisted.l knew it was a gamble though, damn it. rx

Guest_37323725 Single Dad, Sole Parent
  • replies: 2

Please delete if not ok. You will never get all of me (at the moment). To give all of me now takes away from my kids. It takes away their father, their stability, their constant. I never want them to feel that anyone is more important than them. They... View more

Please delete if not ok. You will never get all of me (at the moment). To give all of me now takes away from my kids. It takes away their father, their stability, their constant. I never want them to feel that anyone is more important than them. They are #1. I’m sorry - but for now I can only give some, most or a part of me. Depending on the day, depending on the time. I understand if this is unacceptable to you. But it is what it is. Life is about timing and that’s where I’m at. When will you get more of me? When will you get all of me? I don’t know, I can’t answer that.

MrConfused Narcissistic abuse recovery
  • replies: 4

Hello, I feel so stupid & pathetic & I just want to find some people who understand & I will listen to any advice. I was with my partner for 7 years, I've been gaslit, manipulated, mentally and violently abused and cheated on and I just allowed it al... View more

Hello, I feel so stupid & pathetic & I just want to find some people who understand & I will listen to any advice. I was with my partner for 7 years, I've been gaslit, manipulated, mentally and violently abused and cheated on and I just allowed it all to happen, for instance I caught her out on our security cameras cheating with 4 people at once, my neighbour told me, after I flipped out and wanted to harm myself the police who were taking me away said that when they surrounded my house that several neighbours and residents close by had told them of her frequent cheating and that's why I'd flipped out, hell the police told me not to go back but even after all that I let her gaslight me into thinking I was hearing things or that people were setting her up, all the arguments where I'd question her aggressive behaviour or insults of me and somehow it would turn out to be my fault or a tirade of everything id apperently done wrong and I believed it and I'd work on myself to be a better person, many times she hurt me physically and she rationed it out that it was ok because she'd had a hard life and it was my fault for not being more supportive. Then when I left her she made up all these lies about me and tried to turn everyone against me including my own kids even. How did I believe that she loved me? Am I stupid or just not equipped to be in relationships? How did I not leave all the times I knew she was cheating and or not say something? I was so pathetically in love with her and how in the hell did I think she was my soulmate? At times I thought she was so supportive and cared but it was just to throw in my face later or remind me of how weak I am and that I need her. Now I'm alone in a caravan park, I've lost almost everything (my kids have seen it's lies now and a few friends as well) and I just can't make sense of it all. She's moved on to someone new so fast and I'm just sitting here feeling bruised and afraid of people to be honest, my trust for others is just gone. I'm not perfect either and I lost my temper in arguments with her and said things I regret, at the end I lied to her to be other places because I was just so miserable at home and I couldn't take the confrontation anymore. How do you navigate your way out of this? I just want to have some quiet in my head and get rid of this deep sadness in my chest. To anyone who read this or replies thank you in advance, I'm sorry for dumping all this here but I'm alone and I'm lost and I just want someone to talk to.

Loat_trust Cheated upon, coercive controled and blamed
  • replies: 1

I am come out and openly say being a man in Victoria, you have zero chance to be heard. My wife has been cheating for a year and through the period kept blaming me, lying, manipulate, threatened to complain to the police to take the kids. Above all p... View more

I am come out and openly say being a man in Victoria, you have zero chance to be heard. My wife has been cheating for a year and through the period kept blaming me, lying, manipulate, threatened to complain to the police to take the kids. Above all physically assaulted me multiple times and my kids. But when I finally got an IVO against her all she had to do is put a false report against me. Vic Police was so accomodating with her about her false accusations which were historical, but when it came to me I struggled first to even give a statement. The details of her cheating and how it impacted me including getting assualt by the man (causing fractured ribs) was not relevant. Her simple allegation of me damaging a bathroom door got me charged with indicitable offence, but her assualt in presence of my kids and parents, resulting in stitches on my ear was not enough to charge her. As a man if I sought help the authorities accused me of using the system. There is no hope here for men, I do agree as a gender we are more responsible for family violence, but not all men are same. My lawyers are amazed, and yes we will contest it. But how long is one can go on like this. What can I do? No perm add, funds are drained so bad. Is there any place I can be heard ?

ABC01 Can Love Your Family,But Don’t Have to like them as People
  • replies: 27

Dear All,I have been told by many people including mental health professionals,that you can love your family members, but don’t have to actually like them as people. Or even choose them as friends or people you would interact with otherwise. I am fin... View more

Dear All,I have been told by many people including mental health professionals,that you can love your family members, but don’t have to actually like them as people. Or even choose them as friends or people you would interact with otherwise. I am finding this very truthful at the moment. Throughout the years, I have consistently lowered my expectations and they still haven’t been met. And if I were to label them from an outsiders pov, narcissistic,debasing, gaslighting,enabling and the ability to not be empathetic would be words I’d use to describe some of my family. Sometimes I have come to accept that this is a certain aspect of this person and still find a way to love them,knowing they won’t change. It hurts and it takes some time to come to terms with. What are your experiences/thoughts on this titled topic?And when if you wouldn’t stand for it from a friend or acquaintance,do you not stand for it from family?And then what choices do you have?Thank you.ABC01

Stick_figure- Mental health, relationship & stonewalling.
  • replies: 1

I need advice, have thought so much that nothing makes sense to me anymore. I have been with my partner for fair few years now, boundaries have been pushed and tempers have been lost but I do love him. I have had my brother in hospital with a brain i... View more

I need advice, have thought so much that nothing makes sense to me anymore. I have been with my partner for fair few years now, boundaries have been pushed and tempers have been lost but I do love him. I have had my brother in hospital with a brain injury for 7 months which has been a living nightmare to say the least. I have had many breakdowns and 3/4 months in my partner said he's leaving me while angry. A week later he came back and said all the right things. As of a few weeks ago, he told me he had been at another girls house and had slept together but there were no real feelings. We had huge fight and both become violent.We realised how messed up that was, spoke about everything and then got back on track. He wanted me to try more and I was willing I offered to stay on a weds but he had few too many beers with his dad and staying there. I offered again Thurs and seemed off. He then told me that she had stuff going on and asked to stay and had lied the night before. They had been in seperate rooms. I went to confront him, and he came out gate charging me. I had to go back hospital and the whole time he was saying he would come see me. To then ignore me so I showed up. He kept me outside like a dog while she hid away in spare room. He then locked me out as I was banging on windows he actually called cops. I had already reported violent encounters. He then vanishes for several days, reaching out as suited him and ignoring attempts from me.Had eventually met up and calmed down. He assumes me that he was only helping a friend. It's the lack of truth, defending her (court cases pending) attacking me like I did the wrong thing and all round disrespect that got me. To then very recently find out he said to a guy that he loved her but that was supposedly to stop him from cracking on to her... But came out she was someone he was seeing years before and there was interest. He still defends himself saying he was there for a friend but should have included me and not lie. Then says "I don't have to worry because she won't talk to him because she thinks he's a liar and what not" I'm struggling to get my head around this, he expects me to just move passed it. I am exhausted and at hospital everyday for my brother. I just don't even know what's real amymore. I just want to feel safe again. Any advice/feedback would be appreciated

Guest_05560001 15yrs
  • replies: 1

I am so lost, I am in the early stages of seperation after 15yrs of marriage, we have a son, him and I are looking after each other but I still feel so lost, sad, empty and some days really numb. She said she just wants to be her, I have never felt s... View more

I am so lost, I am in the early stages of seperation after 15yrs of marriage, we have a son, him and I are looking after each other but I still feel so lost, sad, empty and some days really numb. She said she just wants to be her, I have never felt so lost, and heartbroken, I love her more than anything else in the world, how do pull myself out of this hole for myself and be strong for my son.