Immediate support
Immediate support

Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Start a discussion

Guest_51752993 My partner is suffering and self destructive
  • replies: 0

I’m Noah,I find that my partner is incredibly interested in the next steps, like moving in together, talking about the future. But most nights she goes into a mood where she says hurtful things, like “you’re going to leave me anyways”, or “we don’t h... View more

I’m Noah,I find that my partner is incredibly interested in the next steps, like moving in together, talking about the future. But most nights she goes into a mood where she says hurtful things, like “you’re going to leave me anyways”, or “we don’t have a future together”. It’s completely different to how she normally acts. I’ve tried talking to her about therapy or a support group, but she wants nothing to do with it. She says the same stuff most nights and while I do love her it’s becoming something that drains me and makes me feel a bit helpless. She wants to spend all her time together, gets upset when we’re apart then sometimes she says self destructive stuff like “we’re never gonna work” or “nothing good ever happens”. I’m just a bit hurt and not sure how to get her the help I’m struggling to provide. Do I just take her to a group therapy session to sit in? She’s so adverse to seeing a professional 1 on 1, and she’s threatened to break up with me if I try get outside help. I have a feeling she’s not serious but she’s saying stuff as a ploy to get me to stop talking about help or solving any issues she’s having. She doesn’t have hobbies, won’t let me help her with stuff like her resume or job hunting.I love her very much, but the words I would currently use to describe her are self-destructive, ignorant and immature. We go on walks almost every day, but I can’t force her to take on a hobby or anything productive. She says things like “I should just end it all” followed by “you know I’d never kill myself”. I just need some help with helping her, thanks.

Lil Accepting the pattern of my life.
  • replies: 3

Two weeks today I’ll turn 50, the optimism of my youth depleted, the sincere belief that things, life events, will get better, i no longer trust in.I have tried very hard this last year to change but really the pattern of my life is set, I lack frien... View more

Two weeks today I’ll turn 50, the optimism of my youth depleted, the sincere belief that things, life events, will get better, i no longer trust in.I have tried very hard this last year to change but really the pattern of my life is set, I lack friends, the ability to connect to people in anything beyond a superficial way eludes me. I think I’ve made a connection, then I find out I haven’t been invited to events, a quick drink after work, a birthday or a wedding reception that everyone else in the office has attended. I’m not nasty, but I think I’m forgettable. It just keeps happening, every decade of my life has been the same. I’m exhausted, I’m sad, I don’t want to care anymore. I’m kind and friendly, but I also don’t matter much to anyone. Is there any point to a life lived in isolation?

LSM Parenting guilt causing depressive episodes
  • replies: 3

I am a mother and I love my children but I have constant guilt about the fact that my mental heath issues and disabilities that I didn’t know I had have been passed to them. I don’t know how to work past this. I feel so guilty that I have bought them... View more

I am a mother and I love my children but I have constant guilt about the fact that my mental heath issues and disabilities that I didn’t know I had have been passed to them. I don’t know how to work past this. I feel so guilty that I have bought them to this world and they are suffering like I did as a child and I hate that I can’t take it back. I don’t want to change them I just want life to be easier for them because I know how hard it was for me. Why couldn’t their fathers genes have won why did they have to be like me I have diagnosed depression, anxiety and ADHD and undiagnosed autism. I see a psychiatrist and a psychologist but I can’t break these feelings of guilt and unworthiness I feel like I am never able to get things right. I try and make things they will eat and they don’t like it. I make things I know they like and something always seems to go wrong I don’t know if this is all in my head but I feel so broken and guilty and I hate it.

AnotherRandomUser Passive Aggressive Friend
  • replies: 23

My friend has been depressed lately, while Ive been sick, and while Ive tried to be there for them despite my own limitations, theyve been controlling and passive aggressive lately and Im finding it hard to cope. They keep saying everything is fine w... View more

My friend has been depressed lately, while Ive been sick, and while Ive tried to be there for them despite my own limitations, theyve been controlling and passive aggressive lately and Im finding it hard to cope. They keep saying everything is fine when I ask if theyre upset with me, but almost every conversation we have they drop some hint theyre mad at me or judging me in some way. (Often about how I manage money, my time, or my health.)But theyre also sneaky about it in a way I cant call them out on it without them being able to deny it. They also compete with me by suggesting their problems are worse than mine, or complain when I can do something they cant. Usually to invalidate the things Im going through or to suggest their needs are more important than mine. And finally, theres a hobby they love and every chance they get they try to convince me to do it with them. Usually I try to put some time aside to do just that but lately Ive been sick so havent been able to join them. It takes a lot of energy.But now if I do anything else, they make a comment about it (aka you cant be that sick if you can do that) or insult it (insinuate its no good and they wouldnt do it), and then bring up their hobby again (aka if your well to do that then do this with me.) Its unfair because the things Im doing are chores/needs, and the few things I do that are fun are way less difficult and take less time than their hobby. Its just little things to pass the time while sick. Im not avoiding their hobby, its just too hard for me right now!But honestly, even when we do their hobby (I often push myself), they then sometimes make comments that Im enjoying it wrong too, so I really cant win anyway! All and all, I dont know how to cope with this. I really wish theyd just talk to me outright so we can figure out a compromise or I can stand up for myself at least.Ive tried to gently bring it up so as not to cause a fight, but when I do, they deny it or say they didnt mean it that way. So it doesnt work. And unfortunately because they make comments so often, Im paranoid at everything they say now. I think, is this another hint? Is this about me? Are they mad again? I dont even know anymore! I never used to feel this anxious talking to them. It used to be easy. And now I think, how can I can I confront them if I doubt myself? If I dont know if it is always about me? And the worst part, despite the fact their my best friend... lately I havent been wanting to talk to them, or hang out with them. Not out of spite, but because their comments make me so stressed, I dont have fun anymore. I feel controlled and bullied. I admittedly, want to avoid them and I feel like a jerk for it. So is there a way to confront them on this because I dont know how, Im so scared that if I confront them more aggressively on this, their going to hate me and deny it again anyway. But if I dont, I worry Ill destroy our friendship anyway because Im withdrawing more and more, and I think its only making them angrier. But what can I do, they wont talk to me about it!? Can I fix this at all?

Billie1959 Husband’s mental health
  • replies: 1

My husband had prostate cancer four years ago which was successfully removed but left him with erectile disfunction and anxiety/depression. He had a very bad experience with antidepressants and stopped them cold, anxiety attacks followed. Latest test... View more

My husband had prostate cancer four years ago which was successfully removed but left him with erectile disfunction and anxiety/depression. He had a very bad experience with antidepressants and stopped them cold, anxiety attacks followed. Latest tests show cancer has returned microscopically and it’s a waiting game of months before treatment. He now has quite severe depression/anxiety but refuses to see his doctor due to his past experiences. My life with him is so stressful due to his either shutting down or having screaming rages over the slightest thing going wrong. It would be great to hear of others experiencing similar.

Guest_61239359 Stressed with my husband
  • replies: 2

My brother just arrived and will be staying with us. My husband and I went for a walk and he told me that we have different standards and culture. He compared my brother to his cousin who stayed with us, he said our culture doesn't have manners. i ak... View more

My brother just arrived and will be staying with us. My husband and I went for a walk and he told me that we have different standards and culture. He compared my brother to his cousin who stayed with us, he said our culture doesn't have manners. i aksed my brother not to help with the dishes as he was still tired from travel and my husband thinks Im giving special treatment to my brother. He also mentioned I'm offering my brother a silver plate and why I have to take a day off to show him around the area.

SK76 Supporting a partner with depression
  • replies: 3

Hi, My partner has been diagnosed with Clinical Depression since a few years ago. He has come out of it a few times and been in a state of heightened friendliness and cheer and then back to depression - this has happened a few times. A few months ago... View more

Hi, My partner has been diagnosed with Clinical Depression since a few years ago. He has come out of it a few times and been in a state of heightened friendliness and cheer and then back to depression - this has happened a few times. A few months ago he was able to come out of his depression, which I am really pleased about, but he has become super-friendly and has made a lot of online friends (he's normally an introvert). While I am happy about his changed mindset, I am also wary about his over-zealous attempts at making new friends. He is extremely nice to everyone except me and we have been getting into a lot of arguments. While I understand that I need to be supportive and there for him, I feel like I have reached a point where I cannot cope anymore. I am trying to get him to see the issues in better light, but he attributes all the disagreements to me and takes no responsibility for his part in the problems. His sister has been recently diagnosed with a life-threatening illness and this has caused additional problems. It feels like he's constantly angry with me and I am just not able to cope anymore. What should I do and where do I go for help? I am trying to get counselling through work, although I am not entirely sure how it would help. Just posting this rant out there in case anyone has some kind words for me... Thanks in advance!

B3108 19 year old son has gone no contact
  • replies: 2

Here’s a shortened version of your story while keeping the context intact:I married an abusive narcissist, my son's father. We separated when my son was 2.5 years old. I’ve always been his primary carer, and he’s always been afraid of his father. Whe... View more

Here’s a shortened version of your story while keeping the context intact:I married an abusive narcissist, my son's father. We separated when my son was 2.5 years old. I’ve always been his primary carer, and he’s always been afraid of his father. When my son was 3.5, I met a wonderful man who was great with him. My son has no memory of his father and me together.His father had court-ordered visitation every other weekend and a weekday visit. Their relationship was difficult from the start. My son always resisted going, returning angry and withdrawn. It felt like torture sending him, but I had no choice. As he got older, he made excuses to avoid visits. At 15, he finally refused to go, standing firm against his father’s manipulation.Though things improved, my son had always shown anger, becoming darker and moodier with puberty. I sought help, but he dismissed therapists. By Year 11, my relationship with his stepdad fell apart, and my son’s attitude worsened. We separated, which affected him, but his struggles had started earlier. I tried talking to him about school, friends, and sport, but got no answers.After our move, he seemed indifferent. Then, suddenly, he began spending more time with his father, and his attitude toward me became toxic and verbally abusive. I assumed it was a mix of factors, including his father’s influence.He joined the Navy in March last year. I was incredibly proud! At his enlistment, he gave his certificate to his father—not me. We kept in touch regularly. In October, he asked me to call every Friday at 5 PM, which I happily did.At Christmas, he stayed with me for four weeks, avoiding his father. But in his final week home, his mood darkened. After a small argument, I sat him down, explaining how his behavior affected me and that I wanted him to take responsibility. He became defensive, but we hugged, and it seemed resolved.He drove from NSW to Victoria, taking his father for company. I asked him to check in when he arrived. He replied, "If I remember." When I called, he rejected it, later messaging that he was busy. The next day, I asked why he was treating me this way. He called when he returned to base, and we spoke normally. But when I asked why he was being rude, he said he thought our relationship was toxic and wanted to go no contact.I was devastated but told him I’d respect his decision. It’s been 5–6 weeks without contact. I won’t reach out—I promised to honor his wishes.

Guest_75682316 A mum who is worried
  • replies: 1

Hi I’m a mum of 4 I’m 35 yrs old and new to the areabut only one lives with me she recently got invited to a play date she 10 yrs old and I met the mum for the first time she was nice but I felt so socially awkward and didn’t know what to say or do m... View more

Hi I’m a mum of 4 I’m 35 yrs old and new to the areabut only one lives with me she recently got invited to a play date she 10 yrs old and I met the mum for the first time she was nice but I felt so socially awkward and didn’t know what to say or do my daughter was happily playing with her friend I said i had to leave and do some errands left and I felt bad maybe I should of stayed but I felt so awkward and not so great and felt I needed to get out is that a bad thing to leave I’m so split in two I haven’t socialise in 3 years

going_backwards Adult son stopped talking to me
  • replies: 14

I don't know what to do. For a reason I don't really know, my son (who is now 28) has just stopped communicating with me. He won't answer my texts, phone calls or emails and I haven't seen him in 5 months. He has also moved and I don't even know his ... View more

I don't know what to do. For a reason I don't really know, my son (who is now 28) has just stopped communicating with me. He won't answer my texts, phone calls or emails and I haven't seen him in 5 months. He has also moved and I don't even know his address (but do know the area). He also has no contact with his siblings either and didn't even acknowledge his own nephews birth recently. It is breaking my heart to the point where it is affecting every aspect of my life. My marriage broke down (9 years ago) after 30 years when my husband cheated and left to be with the other woman and it really did affect my son and tore the family apart. I fought hard with severe depression, almost taking my life at one point but got through by fighting hard and getting 3 years of counselling. I built up my life again, remarrying and my family are all happy for me but it was a very tough road. But now my son seems to have been slowly pulling away over the last few years (he has a new girlfriend too) but now no matter what he just won't talk to me. His father has no contact with him and he has now totally rejected his father from his life and I am terrified he is doing that to me. I just can't bear the thought of not having him in my life. He was a hard child to raise (ADD) and has good job and life now but because of the ADD I have to be careful how i approach the situation as he is more likely to run further if I push any blame on him etc. It feels like rejection all over again and I am finding it almost impossible to stop thinking and wondering and not knowing what to do. It is affecting my work, my family relationships and every aspect of my life. I have lost all interest in myself and feel like I am going backwards after all the hard work I put in to rebuilding my life. I was so so proud of myself, reinventing myself so to speak and becoming a strong and independent woman. Now I fear I am falling backwards. I don't know how to cope or what to do anymore. I know it is something he feels deeply about and I can only guess. My husband confided in me recently that he called my son's girlfriend but she felt (or would not) say what was happening. I suspect she is part of the reason too and the whole situation is just tearing me apart.