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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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BethD Me again blocked son
  • replies: 1

Hi it’s me again. Mum who blocked her son and wants to know how to stop these feelings of heartache and grief. Constantly thinking about it and it’s making my depression worse.

Hi it’s me again. Mum who blocked her son and wants to know how to stop these feelings of heartache and grief. Constantly thinking about it and it’s making my depression worse.

misabean Empathy
  • replies: 7

empathy is something i'm good at, but also my biggest struggle. I often provide people with excuses, created by my own mind, because i am an empath, and good is all i see in people. While this could be proposed as a gift, its also my biggest weakness... View more

empathy is something i'm good at, but also my biggest struggle. I often provide people with excuses, created by my own mind, because i am an empath, and good is all i see in people. While this could be proposed as a gift, its also my biggest weakness. when does it get to far, to where i can understand maybe whats done is meant to hurt me. Well, im yet to reach that. im having friendship issues, which isnt based solely on their actions, but aswell as what i tolerate. I avoid speaking up about whats hurting me, to make sure they dont get upset. I know I shouldnt do this, and that i shouldnt let people walk all over me but I think i do it because i know what its like to be seen as that rude friend, but really its because i was struggling. this isnt an excuse, but a reasoning. Please let me know if i should lessen my empathy, or, if i should just give it to those who will reciprocate it. because right now, in every relationship in my life, it feels like im giving 100 and their just taking 100, not thinking about if they should return even 1. thank you

Illbeok how to help
  • replies: 6

The other day, my next-door neighbor, an elderly lady I only exchange casual hellos with, told me her husband had passed away and that she was struggling to pay rent. I felt terrible for her. I told a friend I wanted to help her out, maybe by bringin... View more

The other day, my next-door neighbor, an elderly lady I only exchange casual hellos with, told me her husband had passed away and that she was struggling to pay rent. I felt terrible for her. I told a friend I wanted to help her out, maybe by bringing her some food or helping around the house. My friend thought it was a great idea.I went to knock on her door, but she wasn't home, so I just left the food on her doorstep. A few days later, I ran into her. We exchanged our usual hellos, but she didn’t mention the food. I started overthinking it, maybe she didn't know it was from me, or maybe she just didn't like it.When I told my friend about this, they suggested that if I genuinely wanted to help, I should just put some anonymous cash in an envelope and drop it in her mailbox. That’s when it hit me: I didn't want to do it anonymously. I realized a part of me wanted to connect with her and, honestly, feel good about myself for helping. It made me feel embarrassed and like a total fake.To prove to myself that I wasn't being selfish, I put $100 into an envelope and slid it under her door anonymously. The next day, she ran up to me, incredibly excited, saying that "God gave her money." I had a massive urge to blurt out, "It was ME!" but I managed to control myself. I left the interaction with mixed feelings, but overall, I was okay with it.But then, another neighbor mentioned to me that the old lady has been telling everyone how God rewarded her with money because of her devotion.I don't know why, but ever since hearing that, I’ve felt a bit bitter. I am agnostic, but I generally respect other people's religious beliefs. I feel terrible for harboring this bitterness...Now that I know I am a charlatan for wanting some recognition, how can I overcome this bitter feeling and just be happy that she got the help she needed?

Nate_2020 Is my GF seeing another bloke
  • replies: 2

Hey everyone, I’m pretty sure my GF is seeing another bloke and just wanted some clarity. I apologise in advance. We dont live together and see each other 3-4 times a week and chat on apps or voice call at night. We are older. Im 48 and she is 65. Ye... View more

Hey everyone, I’m pretty sure my GF is seeing another bloke and just wanted some clarity. I apologise in advance. We dont live together and see each other 3-4 times a week and chat on apps or voice call at night. We are older. Im 48 and she is 65. Yes, a big age gap.recently her schedule, timing and messages have become not distant but last minute changes, going away more, a long time replying to messages and looking younger. New hair colour/cut, spray tan..Then the guarding of her phone, not returning call or messages in my presents and talking very general to how we normally talk has me thinking. I have to accept her answer of NO to me asking is she seeing/sleeping with another man. On Monday she dropped the I’m going away this weekend to see my friend and I’ll be back Tuesday. First I’ve heard about this Monday evening. Very short notice. Now today we spoke and she was packing and leaving tomorrow morning but is too busy to catch up and see me before she leaves. We talked over message and I said I’m happy to call over for a send off 2hrs of power but was shut down as too busy. Now I’ve been shut down till I here next from her. Writing this you must think I’m an idiot not seeing the picture but it’s clear what’s happening. I want closure but what am I best to do from here?

Sp25 Betrayal of trust
  • replies: 15

I've been in a relationship with my partner for 14 years, and while I love him deeply and we share two children, I feel emotionally exhausted, unsupported, and heartbroken. I've consistently put myself and my needs last while managing our home, raisi... View more

I've been in a relationship with my partner for 14 years, and while I love him deeply and we share two children, I feel emotionally exhausted, unsupported, and heartbroken. I've consistently put myself and my needs last while managing our home, raising our kids mostly on my own, and enduring ongoing emotional letdowns.8 months ago i caught him in the shower watching porn (for context this has been a hard boundary from the very beginning of this relationship to which he entered knowingly and have discussed on multiple occasions with me being given his assurance that this wasnt an issue and that it wasn't something he didnt need to watch) we spoke about it and agreed to continue with the relationship on the provision that he not watch porn anymore. Recently, I discovered he was still constantly watching porn behind my back which shattered what little trust I had left. This most recently happened while I was recovering from yet another surgery for endometriosis, making the betrayal feel even deeper. I haven’t felt emotionally or physically fulfilled in our relationship for years, yet I’ve continued to sacrifice my needs in the relationship because I loved him and thought that it was mutual. I'm starting to feel more like a housemaid than a partner.He also fails to stand up for me, particularly with his mother, and often puts work and his own interests above our family. I'm exhausted from raising concerns, only for the same issues to come up repeatedly with no real change. I feel like a broken record, and I don’t know how much more I can give.At this point, I know I need to put myself first—but I don’t know how because I’ve spent so long prioritizing everyone else. I feel numb, angry, and unsure if I have the energy to keep fighting for this relationship. I want my partner to take accountability, to show through his actions, not just words, that he wants to work on things. That includes him organising therapy not me because I need to see that he’s serious. Actions speak louder than words, and I can’t be the one carrying the emotional load anymore.While I’m waiting for my own therapy, I’m trying to find ways to cope with the emotional burnout and protect my energy. I feel alone in this process and unsure of what comes next, but I know I can’t continue in a relationship were there is neither trust or respect for my boundaries

Kim1988 Newborn baby struggles
  • replies: 11

Hi all. I’m 8 days postpartum now after a C-section and I’m a first time Mum. I love my little boy to the moon and back. Before my little boy was born I had never had much experience looking after small babies and I’ve never been particularly materna... View more

Hi all. I’m 8 days postpartum now after a C-section and I’m a first time Mum. I love my little boy to the moon and back. Before my little boy was born I had never had much experience looking after small babies and I’ve never been particularly maternal, unlike my sister. I like kids, but just never had that natural motherly flair. I’m struggling with getting the hang of the basics i.e. nappy changing, correct way to hold the baby. My husband on the other hand picked things up like a pro. My husband has been very helpful luckily. My little boy is so serene and peaceful during the day, but at night it’s a struggle sometimes to settle him down. It stresses me out when he cries so much. He was so attached to me in the hospital. He loved sleeping in my arms, now we’re at home and there’s more people around so I think he’s not as attached to me as he was in the hospital. I feel like such a bad mother cause sometimes I feel like I’ll never get the hang of things. I’m sure my little boy can pick up on the fact that I don’t have a lot of confidence with him. He’s such a sweet baby and I just want to do a good job for him and to be happy and healthy.

Melf Partner needs a break
  • replies: 1

My partner and I have been together for 7 years. We still live separately. All I want is to be a family. Lately he has begun to feel empty and completely run down. He says he's in a rut with everything and he doesn't get excited about anything in his... View more

My partner and I have been together for 7 years. We still live separately. All I want is to be a family. Lately he has begun to feel empty and completely run down. He says he's in a rut with everything and he doesn't get excited about anything in his life. He doesn't really talk to me. I really want the relationship to work. I love him alot. On Sunday he asked me for space and hasn't spoken to me. I'm so lost and confused and I don't know if I should have hope or if he has given up on us. I don't know if it's the depression or if he just doesn't want to be with me. I don't think he has the space to think about me right now because of how he feels in himself. What should I do to look after both of us? I am have lost my person and I don't know if he will ever want me back. I feel like I'm living in a nightmare

Guest_13542794 He won’t get go
  • replies: 1

Hello First time here. I’m struggling and need to get this out. I’ve been married for 20 years. It’s been an unhappy marriage for a long time now. And it’s truly starting to get toxic. I’m angry and resentful for a number of reasons and I believe the... View more

Hello First time here. I’m struggling and need to get this out. I’ve been married for 20 years. It’s been an unhappy marriage for a long time now. And it’s truly starting to get toxic. I’m angry and resentful for a number of reasons and I believe the best path forward is to separate. But he’s not making it easy. We have two teenage kids. And his main reason for not agreeing, despite seeing the relationship is toxic, is he doesn’t want to lose daily access to the kids. One of the main reason for the unhappy marriage is that he’s not emotionally available for the kids or I over the years. He has anxiety issues and I’ve tried to be supportive over the years but I’ve had enough. It’s taken its toll on my own mental health. So I asked for a year separation, but he refused to give it to me. Constantly in my face about fixing it and that he will change. He’s had 20 years and I’ve had enough. Im at my wits end. I know I don’t need his permission to leave. Im trying to find my own place but that’s proving difficult when you don’t have rental history. So for the mean time we are in the same house. He’s in my face daily about how he’s changed and is more present and doing more housework. All I want is to be left alone. But he can’t or won’t do that. So I’m the one screaming to he left alone. He seems to think this toxic set up is better for the kids than living apart. I cannot understand how someone can think that. I will ask him if his kids came to him in a few years and tell him they are unhappy in their marriage and it’s toxic, would he honestly tell them to stay. For kids sake. That their happiness did not matter? Quite frankly kids aren’t happy here. They feel the tension. Is only him. He doesn’t want to not see them daily. Even though over the years, he’s been on his phone for most of their lives which is why they are not close to him. But because he’s “changed” now, he expects us to be happily family again. We’ve had many fights over the years with many broken promises. It’s only now that he sees I’ve completely detached that this magical change occurred. It’s many years too late. It took me years to slowly detach, he didn’t care then. And since detaching. I see so many things that said why did I wait so long He doesn’t respect boundaries. It’s always his comfort that’s most important. Every single time. I’m at a point where I might just hurt myself so I can finally free of his draining ways. But I can’t do that to my kids because I know they feel it too. Thanks for reading.

Guest_56723402 Regret about reporting an adult
  • replies: 1

How do I deal with my regret? I reported my father for an assault 4 years ago. Today he was found guilty and sentenced to 12 months but the sentence was suspended pending his health. I haven’t seen him in 4 years but when I saw him in court today he ... View more

How do I deal with my regret? I reported my father for an assault 4 years ago. Today he was found guilty and sentenced to 12 months but the sentence was suspended pending his health. I haven’t seen him in 4 years but when I saw him in court today he looked like he was knocking on deaths door. He’s an alcoholic and has liver cirrhosis. Without a transplant he will die in 1-3 years. I watched him walking out of court after sentencing and he looked at me and I looked at him and my eyes followed him as he walked away. Every bone in my body wanted to run and hug him because in that moment I no longer saw an abuser. I saw my dad. And now I’m filled with regret that maybe I shouldn’t have reported him. Because he looked so frail and depressed. And I saw the man that 12 year old me cried over when his health failed the first time. I don’t know how to get over this deep feeling of regret. Because all I think about is what could have happened if I didn’t report it. Would the abuse have stopped? Would we have a relationship? And I feel so guilty because everyone around me has dropped their lives to help me through this court case. And they all have such deep hatred for him. But me, the victim, I don’t hate him. And the idea of him dying, likely in a prison cell, is eating away at me. Because he’s still my dad

Da1syy problems with home
  • replies: 3

Hey y'all sorry if my spelling is a bit wrong or if my grammar is messed up also sorry if somethings don't make sense. So at home my dad keeps yelling at me for no reason and I know that it sounds like a minor problem but its gotten to the point wher... View more

Hey y'all sorry if my spelling is a bit wrong or if my grammar is messed up also sorry if somethings don't make sense. So at home my dad keeps yelling at me for no reason and I know that it sounds like a minor problem but its gotten to the point where I've been scared to ask for help and when I get a bad grade/have overdue homework. I've been scared for when I get homework because my memory is bad so I forget to do it so my dad yells at me and threatens to throw me out of the house or take all my things while I'm not home and throw them onto the streets. He's yelled at me so much so now I've got such a soft heart so I sometimes take it seriously and then I just start to cry. At this point I don't feel safe in my own home and I'm always scared to come home after school and stuff and at this point I'm just looking for advice because I don't know what to do anymore.

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