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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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blueraven No family, no close friends or others
  • replies: 12

Hi, because of my toxic family situation I had to leave them. I found myself among some toxic people after that several times over and learnt the lesson that I had to leave them too. I now live by myself and other than 2 not-so-close friends, I don't... View more

Hi, because of my toxic family situation I had to leave them. I found myself among some toxic people after that several times over and learnt the lesson that I had to leave them too. I now live by myself and other than 2 not-so-close friends, I don't really have any other friends. I've tried getting closer to these friends but they have their own problems. I feel so alien, like there's no way I'll ever be able to have a close family-like group of friends or a partner, even though that's what I ultimately want. I put it off for many years because I was doing my own healing work, but each year that passes by the more alien and undeserving I feel. Now with covid also, it's getting very hard to meet others. I don't feel capable of working. I do have professional support, that's about it. I was wondering if anyone else is in the same boat? No one close. Is it possible to live like this? If I died perhaps no one would even notice for days...

suspicious_banana Anxious Attachment in relationship while also dealing with other issues.
  • replies: 1

Hey guys, I am going through a bit at the moment in my current romantic relationship and my relationship with myself. Some support and advice would be great. A few things to note: - I've been diagnosed in the recent weeks with an anxious attachment s... View more

Hey guys, I am going through a bit at the moment in my current romantic relationship and my relationship with myself. Some support and advice would be great. A few things to note: - I've been diagnosed in the recent weeks with an anxious attachment style due to my mum having bipolar when I was growing up.- I have previously been in an abusive relationship previously, I was cheated on, manipulated, guilt tripped, gaslit and so on during it. I was in this relationship for 2 and a half years.- My partner and I work together.- My partner struggles to bring how how she is feeling and her needs, even when asked.- I've learnt recently that my partner is an independent person The story begins: I (21m) met my partner (21f) two years ago, things were great for a start, spent a lot of time together, affection and connection were through the roof. We had a few problems here and there and were able to somewhat comfortably resolve them. Her and her best friend moved in together and I noticed that her best friend was showing signs of jealousy, it ended up have a big impact on our relationship. Her friend had no one else but my partner to spend time with and my partner was always inviting her friend everywhere that we were wanting to go, then I'd be the third wheel (if that makes sense). Her friend would also make me very uncomfortable, glaring at me, ignoring me, isolating herself whenever I was over at their place. I brought this up with my partner many times and every time, she got very defensive about things and was very open about putting her friends needs above mine while also saying some other nasty things, breaking my trust completely. I ended up breaking things off with her for while as she couldn't have a discussion about it/anything without getting defensive, and then we were able to come back a month later and discuss things. Eventually she came to her senses and they had a falling out, and upon her own reflection, she can now understand how toxic that friendship was and how I was "right".

R.Penn Sharehouse difficulties
  • replies: 1

Hi, I have not posted in some time. But my circumstances have improved greatly. I am no longer renting a old caravan and am back living in my old share-house, with my boyfriend. He managed to convince my ex housemate to allow me to move back into the... View more

Hi, I have not posted in some time. But my circumstances have improved greatly. I am no longer renting a old caravan and am back living in my old share-house, with my boyfriend. He managed to convince my ex housemate to allow me to move back into the home and back on the lease agreement.It’s been hard adjusting after the history here with said housemate tho. He has not treated my boyfriend (who is autistic and very kind hearted) with much respect and is pretty inconsiderate self absorbed. I am trying to focus on the positives while I search for employment and wait for psychology appointments, in between trying to do some CBT and staying on my medication for anxiety. I went off meds for a month which I regret as this ended up in me exploding in resentment towards my ex housemate and calling him out as a bully. It was way overdue but he caught me when I just wanted to mind my own business and calm down. He cannot read my mood very well, says he doesn’t want to socialise with us, but then tries to small talk to me and we never do anything outside of the home with him. We are living with a stranger who is 10 years my senior. I am tired of the fake vibes. I am struggling at the moment, my boyfriend gets upset over unexpected changes and then I have to carry the emotions after he has vented to me and then I get resentful again against the housemate who I am not talking to as he has decided to purchase a new motorcycle and now has 5 vehicles on the property. Me and my partner share one car spot under the car port. I park on the road. He is now taking up another street park on the road which leaves me no room to park anywhere. I think these are small frustrating issues (he doesn’t buy dishwashing tabs, or cleaning products or TP for the house ever) but they are annoying because it appears inconsiderate and we also pay more rent as we have 3 rooms now in the house and pay for those. our housemate takes up the rest of the house with his furniture and gets the downstairs area too but he gets to pay a $137 a week which is an absolute steal at the moment with the housing crisis. We pay $435 a week. We just want to feel comfortable in our home which we have a right to spread out too. I am so grateful to have a safe and moderately quiet house in a nice area of the city. But I worry my car is not safe on the street and I will just have to face more trouble because of this housemate. I don’t know is this too petty?

perth_16 Partner wants to move interstate closer to family
  • replies: 3

My boyfriend (33) wants to move interstate to be closer to his parents. We’ve been together for 2.5 years. We had a bit of a rocky start but the past year has been amazing. We have lived together for 8 months, we speak about marriage and kids, and ha... View more

My boyfriend (33) wants to move interstate to be closer to his parents. We’ve been together for 2.5 years. We had a bit of a rocky start but the past year has been amazing. We have lived together for 8 months, we speak about marriage and kids, and have a rough time line for it all. He has been living here for the last 3 years however is originally from far interstate. He is very close to his parents and misses them a lot. We just spent Christmas with his family interstate and he was very upset leaving them at the airport to come home. Since we’ve been together my fear has been he will want to move back one day. It’s something I ask often for reassurance. I knew something was up with how upset he was on the plane ride home. I eventually got it out of him that he is considering move back. He wants me to come with him. I’ve told him before I won’t ever want to move there. I have a secure job, all my family is here and I feel I will need that when I do have kids (his argument is he wants his parents around too for kids). In addition to that, financially we will always be better off here. His parents are older (70) and he says he wants to be with them in their older age in case something happens. He is confused and hurting because he loves me. He says he hasn’t made a decision yet and needs time to think about it. He said he will go to a therapist about it. He doesn’t want to talk about it though at the moment. He feels he has to make a choice between me and his family. I feel like if he really did see me as his life partner, he wouldn’t leave, the only benefit of moving interstate is being closer to his family. We are currently still being a normal couple, happy as every but I can’t stop thinking about this, I feel empty knowing that everything we currently have could be over if/when he does make the call to move. This could be soon or in months, or years. I need advice, other peoples point of view on the situation, just anything. I can’t stop thinking about it. thank you

Drew76- grief and depression
  • replies: 1

Hi all just need some help I have being battling depression for the past 20 years and recently i just lost my best friend my mum after a 2 week battle with Multilobar Pneumonia. Can anyone recommend any types of counselling as I have my first born gr... View more

Hi all just need some help I have being battling depression for the past 20 years and recently i just lost my best friend my mum after a 2 week battle with Multilobar Pneumonia. Can anyone recommend any types of counselling as I have my first born grandson born in july and I want to be in his life but i need to get help first

fflove5 Husband of 17 years leaves. I’m a mess
  • replies: 3

My husband dropped a bomb on me and has moved out. Decided on Monday and told teen kids on Tuesday and was at an air bnb wed. I am an absolute mess. He said he hasn’t been happy for a long time( I call bullshit because we have had some amazing times)... View more

My husband dropped a bomb on me and has moved out. Decided on Monday and told teen kids on Tuesday and was at an air bnb wed. I am an absolute mess. He said he hasn’t been happy for a long time( I call bullshit because we have had some amazing times) but he’s been so stressed at work and become antisocial and works from home and is worried he’s almost 50 and his body isn’t what it used to be. I’ve tried so hard to fight him to stay and I love him so much. He floated this idea before Christmas and I went above and beyond to try and help him and change things and he seemed happy and responsive and intimate to even holding hands a few days before. But he said his heads a mess and he needs space to breathe and feels suffocated wtf can I do I am an absolute mess trying to understand this. I have noticed the last 12 months he started to become antisocial and drink more and work a lot. He refused to speak up when work got too much and has bottled up a lot of feelings and I feel like all of a sudden they have blown up and he thinks this is what he needs to do. Since he’s been gone I’ve taken counselling advice and given him his space and wide berth despite it absolutely killing me because I want to help him. I’ve suggested counselling ( he said “what can they do to help me I need to sort myself out first and not waste their time) he’s even mentioned stopping drinking did it a week then got angry at me when he slipped up and decided to walk. I am a fighter in relationships I told him I am going to fight for us because we all have hurdles and we get through and build foundations and get better than ever but he is saying he’s done and he doesn’t like being robotic and just existing. He doesn’t love himself anymore. I see him as depressed ( not sure at what level) but it kills me now I am only communicating about kids . He now is starting to bring me coffee and offer to cook dinner. It’s like he still have one foot in the door both ways and i am struggling. I have cried for days since he left Wednesday. Today has been the worst being a weekend. Some hours of the day I feel ok and I am trying to get on with my life but then I see him come in all chirpy and humming to himself and smiling and it’s ripping me to pieces .

Aria87 Triggered by opinionated SIL
  • replies: 7

When my hubby & i first got together, i felt his sister VERY clingy to him,in which took her time to realize he was now in a relationship &soon to be married so she learnt her boundaries etc.We had a falling out early stages, where she involved herse... View more

When my hubby & i first got together, i felt his sister VERY clingy to him,in which took her time to realize he was now in a relationship &soon to be married so she learnt her boundaries etc.We had a falling out early stages, where she involved herself too much when i fell pregnant with my son. We moved on, but in my heart i knew she was at fault, HOWEVER took it as a lesson learnt with my husband & got over it - my husband did not see the issue.SIL has since divorced & now in a relationship in which nobody approves & is somewhat a secret due to her religious beliefs (which is also contradicting as the argument we had about was religious views and if this is the case she is doing way worse than my husband & i did which again is non of her business, nor is her choices to me)My SIL then became distant which my husband knew was something to do with us, i was blind sighted as me & the SIL have been fine (i assumed) but when he asked her what was wrong, so told my husband she was annoyed with me.Her bday, i had covid, was on my way to negative however still VERY unwell, yet i packed up my family to spend the weekend away for her, had a great time yet still fell very sick & left the next morning as i had work the next day - she stated i acted as if i didnt want to be there & it was her bday & shouldve made more effort.Same event- i made a comment about a dish cooked, in which i told my son he wouldnt like it, as i know what my son eats and wastes - she complained i was offensive as it was something they prepared.Her children, have in the past gotten my child into trouble by winding him up etc. - she complained how i am WITH MY OWN SON & told my husband i should let him be around her children.I was triggered once my husband told her in this chat that he would inform me about how she feels in which she replied "if i knew you would tell her, i wouldn't have told you" THIS is the issue i cannot deal with - SIL wanting to be the center of attention & going out of her way to tell my husband these issues which i think are ridiculous & she expects my husband to not tell me. I believe she shouldn't have said anything to my husband, as i wouldn't put my own brother in this situation & wedge myself between him & his wife. Im trying to be a better & still treating her as normal, yet now she is distant which reminds me of the past where i was originally hurt by their comments.

Tinam Our son was charged with murder
  • replies: 11

Does anyone know of any support groups for parents with criminal children? We can't get ourselves out of this depressed state of bewilderment and need to talk to other parents coping with same issues. Our son was 18 yrs old when he was charged.

Does anyone know of any support groups for parents with criminal children? We can't get ourselves out of this depressed state of bewilderment and need to talk to other parents coping with same issues. Our son was 18 yrs old when he was charged.

benji777 Living in the shed, no apology from her so im moving on
  • replies: 9

2 weeks ago she (42f) hurt me (42m) emotionally and it caused huge arguments. i shared the night before that ive been feeling unwanted and alone for months due to her newly smoking habit, her 3 hours a day on phone games (candy crush), and shes alway... View more

2 weeks ago she (42f) hurt me (42m) emotionally and it caused huge arguments. i shared the night before that ive been feeling unwanted and alone for months due to her newly smoking habit, her 3 hours a day on phone games (candy crush), and shes always on her laptop. I just want our togetherness back but the next day i come home and back flips all i had shared the night before and accuses me of not spending time with her and its all my doing. Id been home for 10 minutes and had to call my doctor first thing. Omg Anyways it caused huge arguments it was outrageous and hurt me because i had just shared feeling alone the night before and this was her response to that. So over the days it got worse and gridlocked emotionally no remorse from her and refused to apologize, so i basically moved all my belongings into the shed because why share myself with someone who doesn't care and the past 2 weeks been spending my life out there. She still cant work out why omg We we're meant to be moving into a new house soon, ive cancelled that and shes moving there alone now. We also have a 14 month year old daughter. Who we will now have to split custody of and give her a broken family I cannot forget and move on and share my goodness with someone if im not thought about emotionally and cared for by my partner if im feeling hurt Its a complete waste of my time, im there for her in every way with her issues, her vents and her sadness. When im hurting she couldn't carelessSo no apology or remorse so this relationship is over.(Nearly 3 years together)I honestly feel like a butler most of the time Now im living in a shed and about to have a $500 a week house rent to maintain. The rental market is impossible there is no where else to go... Could someone reflect some thoughts im alone in the world, no siblings no friends to share my difficulties with...

failingatthis Spouse constantly blames
  • replies: 6

Hi I don’t know where else to turn, I’ve been in an on again off again relationship for 4 years the last 1.5 years living together we both come from ex husband/wife and have a blended family, my issues come that I’m blamed for everything, my ex wife ... View more

Hi I don’t know where else to turn, I’ve been in an on again off again relationship for 4 years the last 1.5 years living together we both come from ex husband/wife and have a blended family, my issues come that I’m blamed for everything, my ex wife is frustrating difficult to deal with regarding our children and often is changing things to suit herself though we have a court order it can’t stop her find8ng little ways to get around it, this caused a rift between my and my current partner who says I have to stand up to her more though ever time I do it ends up in bitter arguments, with both my e wife and spouse, to the extent my daughter come in an said that she had enough of the constant conflict and the blame that was being placed on me and my daughter and wanted to go home, I took my daughter home that evening as she was in tears and didn’t want to be in that environment, I told her that my spouse was just upset she isn’t that bad of a person, she claims she’s fighting for our life and our family life and that ever time my e wife does something it effects us all which I don’t disagree with. the next morning I was told that my daughter was not welcome in the family home anymore after she yelled at my spouse and called her a liar…I have to admit I did the same thing in anger as she firmly stuck to her versions and just won’t listen to what I have to say. I’ve had to spend every second weekend at my brothers to sleep on a couch just to see my two children, I was told that they could come back if my daughter apologised for her behaviour this was after she packed all her things up in boxes of course my daughter doesn’t want to which is understandable and my son won’t either. I’ve been called a liar, cheat unfaithful dishonest and deceitful and that I never cared about her or her family at all. Don’t get me wrong I’m not perfect but have I truly created this issue, I’m not to blame that my ex wife is difficult she always is and always will be