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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Guest_55317670 Major Life Decision
  • replies: 0

m becoming so depressed and anxious because of job-hunting and making a major life decision. I'm 21 and have been with my boyfriend for 1.5 years. I love him completely and couldn't imagine my life without him. I want to marry him. My problem is... I... View more

m becoming so depressed and anxious because of job-hunting and making a major life decision. I'm 21 and have been with my boyfriend for 1.5 years. I love him completely and couldn't imagine my life without him. I want to marry him. My problem is... I can't find a career/job. Every advertisement I look at seems mind-numbing and the path to dead end depression. The only career that has ever interested me is the defence force however I know I would have to leave my boyfriend. Its completely unreasonable to ask him to move states with me as he already has a solid career built. Being away, even long distance, for possibly months on end would hurt us so much. Even if i was able to stay in our current state, who knows if I get moved around in a years time. If I choose love I will hate work - which will be 60+ years of my life. If I choose career I will lose the one thing I've ever truly loved.

Softly Estrangement from my Adult son and wife
  • replies: 1

I have not been in touch with my son or his wife (my daughter in law) since late October 2024, I have never (from my memory) had a bad word between my son and myself, he is now late 50's. It is beyond my comprehension as to why this has occurred now,... View more

I have not been in touch with my son or his wife (my daughter in law) since late October 2024, I have never (from my memory) had a bad word between my son and myself, he is now late 50's. It is beyond my comprehension as to why this has occurred now, we had difficulty with texts and emails regarding a property I rent from him and I have tried 4 times to get him to reply on a personal level since then, but to no avail, we were extremely close and he would ring me every week for a chat, but then my daughter in law became involved in this problem because she handles most of the paperwork and organises his life pretty much, they have 4 children one who is now 19, I have always been on good terms with them, and remember their birthdays and Christmas, because they live interstate. Now for some reason my eldest Grandaughter has ignored my texts and calls (2) so I sent a photo of my Artwork she is a natural from when she was very small, this has also been ignored. How can this be over one small thing and now they are not talking which makes it difficult for me to understand the reason why? I have had to second guess as to the actual problem, or what I did that could be so bad as to cut me off, is this a natural way to resolve something? for me its much better if we talk personally or email personally so we can get together again, any suggestions of how to get them to come to the table and fix it would be appreciated.

Von is lost Jealous of boyfriends ex
  • replies: 2

I am feeling very jealous of my boyfriend’s past relationship of 5 years. I am jealous of all the things they did together, and I’m also jealous that they still catch up every so often when they are in the same town. I understand that they were toget... View more

I am feeling very jealous of my boyfriend’s past relationship of 5 years. I am jealous of all the things they did together, and I’m also jealous that they still catch up every so often when they are in the same town. I understand that they were together for 5 years but I also can’t see the point of staying friends with an ex. I also find myself asking him more and more about her to investigate and obtain details about her which just ends up making me feel worse for knowing more. I don’t want to feel like this everytime she comes up in conversation but I don’t know how to stop.

randomxx Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.
  • replies: 617

Hi to anyone that might drop in , it's rx here l just had to rejoin.A few might remember my ongoing thread about gf and her situation, us and the rest. Sadly though, we've broken up after all that.l'm 59 now, just feels hopeless. lt's not that l don'... View more

Hi to anyone that might drop in , it's rx here l just had to rejoin.A few might remember my ongoing thread about gf and her situation, us and the rest. Sadly though, we've broken up after all that.l'm 59 now, just feels hopeless. lt's not that l don't get interest it's just the thought of starting over sometime later on down the track now, again, meeting that right person, it's about that person, not any interest or 2 dozen others, it's that one that feels so hopeless and if even ever at all will probably be yrs away from now, and l'll feel like it even less.Ya just can't help thinking about it even though it's of course not the time right now for sure, know that. As in my other thread, we were up and down , she had huge problems when we met, visas' and court cases and mh and health, she was all over the place. That's why l held back with her and us, 5 yrs but l still supported her with all l had right through it all though. All that had finally finished 3yrs in but she was still all over the place, l felt l could never trust it or her true self.Together she was loving and supportive and affectionate and just a real partner tbh . But we were still long distance again due to her situation and so whenever she was home again or l wasn't up at hers, she'd just change again.She'd be all negative and her health would go to shit again, talking bad stuff about us, saying she was too sick now to have a relationship, must've went through all that 20 times with her in 5yrs.Truth was together, she was not only just beautiful mostly , but also fitter than any girl her age l ever knew soon as she was back up home alone though it'd all just start again.There's no talking or reasoning, even though she use to preach positivity herself, the negativity just pours out all over again, even if we'd just had a beautiful 3 or 4wks together. Dealing with that 5yrs plus all her earlier dramas , l just couldn't trust anything to do with us, but l hoped in time or once we were together full time, that'd all just go as it was when we were together. But then l'd think how would l know that was real just bc we were together properly at last, if she was going home again she'd just blurt out all the same old stuff. Anyway, it started again after our last visit, her health her stress , she can't be in a relationship, l've had enough.ldk, l was divorced 10yrs ago, laid low 5yrs, but she was the only one l'd met that just fitted, but then there was the rest of it. l could see a life with her though if it all sorted out and so l persisted.l knew it was a gamble though, damn it. rx

Rascally Isolation
  • replies: 8

Hi All, hope you guys are OK. I'm very concerned for my adult daughter who is trying to fix things with me & my sister. My sister is a text book narcissistic & used every tactic to degrade & vilify me to all family friends. I tried to mend the relati... View more

Hi All, hope you guys are OK. I'm very concerned for my adult daughter who is trying to fix things with me & my sister. My sister is a text book narcissistic & used every tactic to degrade & vilify me to all family friends. I tried to mend the relationship years ago, yet was met with more lies, deception & having her flying monkeys attack me for things I knew nothing about. Our last interaction I reacted so badly & lashed out, then was ashamed of myself for letting her bait me. I know this allowed her the confirmation to say I was the horrid person, once again. Her thinking is delusional & a twist of the facts so I remain the villain & she the victim. I'm so very worried for my daughter as we've now had a few arguments regarding my sister & my daughter refuses to hear why I feel the way I do. All I want is to state the truth of what's been done & said. I never want to talk bad about my sister to my daughter, just state the facts. My daughter refuses to hear it & I'm so worried my sister is using my daughter to continue playing the victim & me the villain.For many years I ignored all the drama, got on with raising my children & worked hard. Still I had people attacking me over perceived wrongs to my sister. I used to defend myself & explain the facts, she'd then make up a bigger lie to cover it up.. it's so crazy. I just kept stepping back, stepping back & got on with my life. Now my daughter has changed her perception of me, I don't know what to do, we've always been so close. Yet my sister is a master manipulator.. it's actually scary..Do I continue to pretend all is OK with my daughter? While being constantly concerned my sister is filling her head. My sister has a way of making a person feel so special, yet I've witnessed first hand how she'll cut that person down the moment they're not around & she laughs about it.When it comes to my kids I will do anything to protect them, right now I'm stepping back in hopes my daughter will figure it out for herself. Another concern is the drugs & lifestyle my daughter will be exposed to with my sister. I've been called self righteous because I didn't want that in my & my children's lives. I've watched others being lured into this life by her & pay horribly..there is so much more, it's sordid & disgusting. HOW DO I NOT BE WORRIED ABOUT MY DAUGHTER????

Slove8 Am I hurting my husband more staying after I've had the affair?
  • replies: 1

For 3 years I had an on/off affair with a family friend. It was very toxic and controlling and took me a long time to stand up to him and get away as he was a very influential figure within our community. It was very messy and he was having affairs w... View more

For 3 years I had an on/off affair with a family friend. It was very toxic and controlling and took me a long time to stand up to him and get away as he was a very influential figure within our community. It was very messy and he was having affairs with other women at the time. I could never prove. Ive since broken this down with a psychologist and determined i had a trauma bond issue with a man who was a narcissist. I became a horrible person and drank a lot. I'd been married to my husband for 11 years when it started. 2 young children. He's a great man, with his own demons. But has always been my soul mate. He drank a lot and wasn't a 'touchy feely' kind of guy. But we were solid. We work together, live together and do everything together. I had no love for the man I had the affair with, rather just found myself in situations I could not remove myself from without him making my life hell if I did. Fast forward, the guilt was destroying me. I finally broke it off and he began making my life hell. Not directly, but indirectly through other people. Previously, he took advantage of my husband and I's empathy (he was a chronic alcoholic) and used this excuse so we would care for his kids. During this time he was with other women. I saw how he controlled them and he treated his wife poorly. I finally snapped and it all came out. When I told my husband about the affair, we both broke down. I destroyed him. He was so broken but he was determined to move forward together. We were in a very dark place for 10 weeks. But focused on keeping busy and put energy into our relationship. We made changes to our lifestyle, stopped drinking alcohol, began hypnotherapy, and we are both seeing an online counsellor. We can't see drs or counsellors here as it is a small town and the man i had the affair with has connections with all these people. He's spreading rumours about me through other people he 'controls' so I just hide away and wait for the day we never exist within the same circles. During this time of repair with my husband, the man would make threats, turn up unannounced to my house to indirectly antagonise my husband. Ie. Enter my property via the back as that was how he'd come when we had sex. Police were involved and he went to court. It still continues to now. Everyday I live with the fear of him retaliating. I've ruined his marriage, his wife was my friend ive lost, the marriages of the women he'd also been seeing and my own. I carry an immense amount of guilt. I've avoided leaving the house for weeks at a time (I work from home). I've deactivated all my social media, cut ties with friends in that circle and I am devoted to doing everything I can to repair the man I've broken. There's cameras everywhere at my house, for protection, but also so I can 'prove' to my husband I'm not maintaining this affair. (He doesn't care for this, but it was a measure I needed to feel better). The point of this is, I have everything I could possibly want. A man who still wants to move forward with me and make positive changes but the guilt of this crushes me. My thoughts of myself are very negative. Everything triggers me. I have good and bad days. I'm filled with so much anxiety, hate and anger. The man i had the affair with has a community rallying around him and i am just a whore. There's been times when I have felt life is not worth living. The only thing that stops me is the fact I'd destroy another family and my husband would be completely traumatised. I know this is my karma for my actions. Should I just set my husband and children up financially and exit? I don't deserve anything and I punish myself by taking all the pleasures in my life away. Surely they are better off without my ups and downs?. I can't live with myself but am too weak to do anything so do I continue to fake normality for the sake of my family. In my head, I just want to rebuild my husband so he doesn't think all women are like this and maybe one day he will find someone who he truly deserves. I've previously been on antidepressants many years ago but they didn't work for me. I was a zombie and it made me even more depressed. I know there'll be backlash from this post, I know I brought this on myself. I just need advice as to whether staying is hurting my husband more.

LSM Parenting guilt causing depressive episodes
  • replies: 7

I am a mother and I love my children but I have constant guilt about the fact that my mental heath issues and disabilities that I didn’t know I had have been passed to them. I don’t know how to work past this. I feel so guilty that I have bought them... View more

I am a mother and I love my children but I have constant guilt about the fact that my mental heath issues and disabilities that I didn’t know I had have been passed to them. I don’t know how to work past this. I feel so guilty that I have bought them to this world and they are suffering like I did as a child and I hate that I can’t take it back. I don’t want to change them I just want life to be easier for them because I know how hard it was for me. Why couldn’t their fathers genes have won why did they have to be like me I have diagnosed depression, anxiety and ADHD and undiagnosed autism. I see a psychiatrist and a psychologist but I can’t break these feelings of guilt and unworthiness I feel like I am never able to get things right. I try and make things they will eat and they don’t like it. I make things I know they like and something always seems to go wrong I don’t know if this is all in my head but I feel so broken and guilty and I hate it.

Belb Trying to understand this loss
  • replies: 4

I ask please for kindness and understanding. I am currently navigating through a separation and deep depression. My husband of 21 years has fallen into a deep depression himself and recently it was revealed that he had been msusing alcohol as a means... View more

I ask please for kindness and understanding. I am currently navigating through a separation and deep depression. My husband of 21 years has fallen into a deep depression himself and recently it was revealed that he had been msusing alcohol as a means to cope with his depression and suicidal thoughts. I had been suspicious of his substance abuse but was made to feel that ot was all in my mind until he ended up in detox in a psychiatric unit and the full gravity of what was happening all became revealed. I have watched my husband become a version of himself that I no longer recognise. We separated around 6 weeks ago and he has asked that I not be involved in his mental health. I am trying to respect his wishes as he tries to heal and find peace. My mental health has plummeted through the year and I am deeply traumatised by what has happened. Around 7 months ago he was placed on a medication that induced a psychosis like state and attempted to strangle and smother me whilst repeating.. you will never bring up my alcohol use again. I had kept the drinking secret as I was so fearful of society's judgement. Especially from the church. But after the mentioned event the trauma in the body just took over and I watched his drinking get worse. Right now I am coming to terms with the reality that we may not reconcile in the near future. And I am trying to move forward. This has just been crushing. I am seeing a psychologist but continue to struggle with the fact that he has shut me out and doesn't want me to know where he is at. I am dealing with the weight and guilt of what people may be saying. I want to make clear.. our marriage was by no means perfect. It has endured many challenges and I am continuing to grow. This grieving is so difficult. I have to believe other people have gone through this type of situation and I am not alone.

Guest_65584037 Marriage Breakdown
  • replies: 2

I have been married to my husband for 18 years. And he has told me he has lost interest in me and it is my fault. I am at a loss with where to go from here. We have two kids and I don’t particularly want a divorce but I cannot talk to my husband abou... View more

I have been married to my husband for 18 years. And he has told me he has lost interest in me and it is my fault. I am at a loss with where to go from here. We have two kids and I don’t particularly want a divorce but I cannot talk to my husband about it because he gets too cranky. He lacks empathy and continually gaslights me.

Chris01 Functional depression
  • replies: 3

Hiwas hoping someone may be able to give me some advice, I suspect that I have functional depression after reading up on things . I drink to excess and often argue with my wife. I don’t drink all the time but lately If I have one drink I continue til... View more

Hiwas hoping someone may be able to give me some advice, I suspect that I have functional depression after reading up on things . I drink to excess and often argue with my wife. I don’t drink all the time but lately If I have one drink I continue till I pass out. I know something is a miss but can’t work out what it is ?? I hold down my job no worries and most things are fine but just can’t seem to get myself sorted out. any advice or experience on this type of thing would be greatly appreciated