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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Bryant My wife seems to resent me and I’m worried
  • replies: 3

Hey everyone, sorry this is long and disorganised… I’m just not sure what to do My wife and I are young (~24yrs) and have been married for 4 months. We have two young kids (1 & 2yrs).The past 6 months have been incredibly difficult for me as my wife ... View more

Hey everyone, sorry this is long and disorganised… I’m just not sure what to do My wife and I are young (~24yrs) and have been married for 4 months. We have two young kids (1 & 2yrs).The past 6 months have been incredibly difficult for me as my wife snaps at me for absolutely everything I do and say… I only have good intentions and am trying my hardest to do everything right. I just want to be a good husband and father and I love them all more than anything. it’s even been so bad that in an argument she has told me she doesn’t want this anymore (told me the next day over the phone that it was just out of anger) and also said that she won’t apologise for it as I said hurtful things as well. (I told her she needed to try and think about things with more optimism and be more reasonable) everything has been fine up until the birth of our second child.. since then I have slept in the spare room as she insists both of the kids sleep with her. (I go into them anytime she calls for me through the night or early mornings and help in any way she needs). We have very little intimacy and it’s only when she feels guilty and tells me she is only doing it because of guilt so even then it doesn’t happen because it’s not right. I am high up in my position at work and heavily relied upon. She works where the kids go daycare. I just don’t know how to tell if things will ever get better, I am constantly trying to better myself every day for them but she only thinks it’s me that needs to keep doing better and change. I feel defeated and lost and worry I will lose everything. Sometimes she is in a great mood and everything is fine but I might make our son a bottle of formula the wrong way or use the wrong toilet at the house or pick up something I shouldn’t have touched when tidying up and then she will just snap and stay in a horrible mood that can last from 12hrs to 3 days. I just can’t win with anything and I don’t know what to do. Just for context, it is loud screaming and some of the insults are “just use your brain, it’s not that hard to do things the right way” and “you’re so f&@king dumb” - it’s all dependant on her ways of doing things. Just to add: if the roles are reversed and I am struggling with the 2 kids, if I call out to her for help with something, she will shout at me and tell me she’s busy or to just figure it out. Whereas anytime she asks for anything I will run to her aid. thanks for reading, it’s all over the place but hopefully understandable.

ashi Wow, attachment issues
  • replies: 0

I always got attached to people before I even knew them properly, give me the slightest attention and I immediately grasp onto that like it's my lifeline. I've avoided most of my friends nowadays in fear that I'll probably get too close and just lose... View more

I always got attached to people before I even knew them properly, give me the slightest attention and I immediately grasp onto that like it's my lifeline. I've avoided most of my friends nowadays in fear that I'll probably get too close and just lose them, which actually -in my opinion- worked a bit, after I moved countries, all of my friends had started ignoring my messages, but didn't affect me much.Though, it's really hard not to meet someone new and hope they'll stay with me. My new school is full of friendly people, pretty good, but that meant they were just as friendly to everyone else, and it's hard to find someone I could really trust, or talk to. I've been telling myself to venture outside my comfort zone for years now, find new friends, don't just constantly stick to one person like a leech. But it's difficult to do that without making the new friend the victim of my persistent attachment. I've been so lonely at home (it's not even a home considering how empty it is), the only reason why I would actually go to school is just to be near people, and have at least somewhat a place I call welcoming. Still, I'm attached to my best friend (who is a 9 hour flight away and it's not as easy to talk with the time zone differences) and a new friend I met at school who is sooner or later going to another school, and I'm sure that's when that friendship will end. When I meet someone, I give them a small glance, and decide whether I like them or not, I change opinions really quickly, but eventually it's either I become friends with them or not. If they do become my friend, I'd probably try my best to keep them as my friend, or even make them into my best friend, where then chaos ensues, because I automatically pour my heart out to them. People have always kindly listened, I'm grateful for that, but then they just go and I feel like I've made a big mistake, even though nothing bad would happen, I still think I've made bad choices when talking about my problems to someone. Not saying the internet is better for talking, but it gives you the anonymous kinda thing, so you feel a little safer talking (or technically, typing and posting). Thank you if you've read this whole thing, and have a nice day!

Azzdog Sexual Health and the Idea of Never Having a Partner
  • replies: 821

Hi everyone, I'm not sure how to put this but hopefully it will make sense. I am a 24 year old male who currently is in therapy and sees a psychologist regularly. I have OCD, anxiety, depression, and autism, and when you put those all together, it be... View more

Hi everyone, I'm not sure how to put this but hopefully it will make sense. I am a 24 year old male who currently is in therapy and sees a psychologist regularly. I have OCD, anxiety, depression, and autism, and when you put those all together, it becomes understandable why socialising is a major problem for me. One major cause of my current situation is the fact that I have never hd a girlfriend or had sex. Because we live in the digital age, it is almost impossible to avoid the fact that a lot of people are in relationships and that modern society is obsessed with the concept of sex. You would almost have to live on a deserted island in order to completely avoid all the triggers associated with it. My cause of concern is that I have no one that I can relate to on this and that I feel like I struggle to articulate how bad it is for my mental health. My psychologist says that I am well in the normal distribution for young men but that doesn't really make me feel any better. Because I am shy, introverted, and have a lot of hobbies and interests that are not in line with contemporary society, I genuinely feel like I will never have a girlfriend, never have sex, and die alone. This fact alone has meant in the past 6 months, I have had 5 separate stints in a psychiatric ward due to concerns of my own safety. I was wondering if there are any other young men out there who feel the same way and are currently in the same boat, and if there are any young mens health groups around? I feel the latter would be important for me and reassure me that I am not the only one who feels this way.

Guest_89100265 Don't know how to feel.
  • replies: 1

Ever since me and my husband have been together there was always fighting. When I was pregnant with my daughter i caught him messaging other women trying to have physical relations 1 week before our honeymoon i had a women msg me and tell me he was m... View more

Ever since me and my husband have been together there was always fighting. When I was pregnant with my daughter i caught him messaging other women trying to have physical relations 1 week before our honeymoon i had a women msg me and tell me he was messaging her on a dating app. He was always angery and abusive, we got toxic, I got cancer and he got worse and worse I couldn't handle it so i left. He told me it was his wake up call and he would get help to do what he can to change and be a better person for me and the kids. Last week I found out he was on dating apps and had slept with someone. I thought leaving was the right thing to do, I stayed for as long as I could because I loved him. I didn't really think he would change but I didn't think he would move on to someone else still while telling me he loves me. He said it was a mistake and he regrets it and he only wants me and loves me and wants us to be a family. But I don't think I can ever forgive or forget anything he has ever done to me especially when I had cancer. I don't know why I'm really writing this here maybe to get someone else's opinion because I honestly don't know what to do because I wanted our family so bad it's so hard to think of selling our family home and actually getting a divorce.

Nick Need advice
  • replies: 2

Hi my wife and I recently decided to take a breakmaim reasons are I’m not very emotionally involved with her or the kids I am very unstable in my jobs I can’t communicate openly and just a very distant person while around my family I have moved out a... View more

Hi my wife and I recently decided to take a breakmaim reasons are I’m not very emotionally involved with her or the kids I am very unstable in my jobs I can’t communicate openly and just a very distant person while around my family I have moved out and doing it quite tough at the moment can anyone give advice on what I should be doing to get my family back

Annie75 Seeking new friends
  • replies: 4

Hi,my my name is annie, I am 49 female, i am very shy and have issues meeting new people, i don't really have any friends, so I am seeing if I can make new ones, online to start with, as I am to scared to meet face to face, I am happy with anyone

Hi,my my name is annie, I am 49 female, i am very shy and have issues meeting new people, i don't really have any friends, so I am seeing if I can make new ones, online to start with, as I am to scared to meet face to face, I am happy with anyone

CrazyInLove Saving My Marriage
  • replies: 14

Hi there, I have been with my husband for 13 years and he has been distant and detached for a few months now. We have tried to talk a couple of times, but he only opened up a little bit. Last night he came from work and told me he needed to find his ... View more

Hi there, I have been with my husband for 13 years and he has been distant and detached for a few months now. We have tried to talk a couple of times, but he only opened up a little bit. Last night he came from work and told me he needed to find his identity and stability, and that he doesn’t really see a future with me. We openly talked for hours and cleared up so many misunderstandings that happened over the years, but he is telling me it is too late. I thought I was doing my best to always support him through some very challenging times, but he thought that was making him feel dependent and worth even less, and feeling down because he is unable to support us, and I should be with someone else. I have always been the main income earner and comfortable with that, while he has changed a few careers and worked mostly at entry level, and he is still working out what he wants to do, but now feels extremely bad about not being financially stable and able to support us. He has supported us in many other ways which I often tell them and thank him for it. He has always wanted kids. In the past I did not want children which has changed recently. I felt so insecure financially and with work for years, and now I’ve been quietly hoping it is finally the time, have even saved up to be able to take time off work, and have been trying to find a good time to talk to him about it in the past few months, but the time never came. He has struggled with finding his feet over the years, from being a teenager through to now, but things have never reached this level.I love him so very much and I am so committed to do whatever it takes to be there for him and with him. I suggested we talk to a third party to work it out, but he is not willing to speak to anyone. After hours of talking last night and telling me that he wanted to work on himself, loved me, but felt like there was no future, he still came to sleep in our bed but did not touch me. This morning he told me he felt the same, but wanted us both to stay in the house and share responsibilities while he wants to work on himself, find out what he likes to do, find a better job and start contributing to the bills, and see how he feels later and then maybe there is a chance to work on our relationship.We are booked to visit our families overseas next month, but he told me he is no longer going and I should go alone.I have no idea what to do. I love him so much. I'd appreciate any experiences and opinions you have. Thank you.

Anonspooky Breakup
  • replies: 2

Never posted on any kinda forum this is weird. Will probably forget I've posted.I started dating my now ex 3 years ago. I moved cities and moved in together and stuff was good. We both have our mental health bits. I get pretty anxious at times and ha... View more

Never posted on any kinda forum this is weird. Will probably forget I've posted.I started dating my now ex 3 years ago. I moved cities and moved in together and stuff was good. We both have our mental health bits. I get pretty anxious at times and have some moments where I can be pretty depressed. They have a lot going on with an eating disorder.We ended up breaking up. Over a lot of things. My self doubt mostly.They were intimate with others in our time apart. All I could do was think about them. I'd moved back home. 3 months went by and I get a message. We ended up back together and I thought things were going well. We had a cute little trip to Sydney together. There I was told they had a bit of a crush on someone they saw when we were apart. I spent the next day doing my best to pull them out of a rut so we could have a nice time. They really wanted to make things work still and had a message all typed to send to their crush. Offered couples counseling and wanted to keep trying. A week later we were meant to be going to a gig. Lots was happening that week. 3 days from then was my dad's birthday who no longer with us (story for another time) I spent the day trying to work out some cute things to do for them and feeling kinda hopefully. Met up with them when they finished work. I got a bit overwhelmed but was still keen on the gig just got quiet. This caused a really big argument. Something my anxiety quite often did. I'm usually okay once I get to a place the build up can be a bit of a fun one for me though. All I needed was just a lil bit of hey ya heads being dumb you've done this a million times it's gonna be fun. Anything which we had a long discussion on but instead they blow up. We called off they night. I feel like garbage we argued. I said how I feel like I'm not good enough for them they agreed. I asked to be blocked on everything, which they finally have done. But 3 days after they are with their crush. Just feel like I spent 3 years madly in love and that on the opposite side of things I really did mean nothing? Am I an idiot for being so ready to do it all a 3rd time? I don't get how we can say things and they don't really have meaning to them? I'm 34. Not really been in many relationships. People are weird and I don't like being touched so was easy being single. But they came along and a lot of that changed? Spent 5 years before them single and really only one other relationship before that. I dunno what to do now? I was really excited for this future together that we talked about. They were the person I wanted to experience life with. Felt kinda pointless before feels a bit the same again now

ABC01 Can Love Your Family,But Don’t Have to like them as People
  • replies: 36

Dear All,I have been told by many people including mental health professionals,that you can love your family members, but don’t have to actually like them as people. Or even choose them as friends or people you would interact with otherwise. I am fin... View more

Dear All,I have been told by many people including mental health professionals,that you can love your family members, but don’t have to actually like them as people. Or even choose them as friends or people you would interact with otherwise. I am finding this very truthful at the moment. Throughout the years, I have consistently lowered my expectations and they still haven’t been met. And if I were to label them from an outsiders pov, narcissistic,debasing, gaslighting,enabling and the ability to not be empathetic would be words I’d use to describe some of my family. Sometimes I have come to accept that this is a certain aspect of this person and still find a way to love them,knowing they won’t change. It hurts and it takes some time to come to terms with. What are your experiences/thoughts on this titled topic?And when if you wouldn’t stand for it from a friend or acquaintance,do you not stand for it from family?And then what choices do you have?Thank you.ABC01

Nelly-Kelly2 2 awesome men in my life and struggling
  • replies: 4

So I’ve been in a relationship with a man (man 1) for 12 years. I love him but not the way he wants me to love him. He’s like a really good friend.Recently I started a bit of a fling with another man (man 2) that I’ve known for 20 years and we both g... View more

So I’ve been in a relationship with a man (man 1) for 12 years. I love him but not the way he wants me to love him. He’s like a really good friend.Recently I started a bit of a fling with another man (man 2) that I’ve known for 20 years and we both get along soo well it’s ridiculous. We get each other. We both love each other but some of my family are trying to persuade me otherwise. ‘Man 1’ is very clingy and i feel like he watches me like a hawk. He is so detail oriented and I feel like I can’t do anything because he is so attentive of everything I do and I feel like he’s watching me like a hawk. Man 2 lets me be who I am and doesn’t judge me. I feel like I can be myself. I’ve moved in and moved out half a dozen times since this has all been going on and I have a lot of issues like anxiety and depression and I don’t know if I should let man 1 go so he can move on but I’m scared that it might not work with man 2 and I end up being sad and alone.