Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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bonchm Fiancé chatting online and compulsively lies
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I’ve been with my partner for 4 years next month. 2 weeks ago I caught him on a dating site. He swore blue in the face it wasn’t him, he had been hacked. Made out he had made a police report. Made me feel crazy for not letting it go. 1 week later, I ... View more

I’ve been with my partner for 4 years next month. 2 weeks ago I caught him on a dating site. He swore blue in the face it wasn’t him, he had been hacked. Made out he had made a police report. Made me feel crazy for not letting it go. 1 week later, I sat in front of him and went though his emails. He thought he had covered his tracks but I found proof of his ads. He swears that he never met anyone but I can’t believe him. I told a mutual friend. Turns out this is how is marriage ended, literally 3 months before I met him!! I don’t know who he is! He has been on this site since we got together! He was chatting while I was in hospital with threatened pre term labour and still just after I had had his baby!! I keep digging and finding more. I can my stop, it’s driving me crazy. emails to other women talking about things that we were excited about. He’s emotionally sharing with other women, sending cheeky memes to both me and another at the same time. i reallllly don’t know what to do either I want this to work for the kids (big blended family) and I have never felt this way about someone before. But writing his actions down and re reading them, if it were a friend I’d tell them to run from him.

nixxyboo Family blaming me
  • replies: 0

Someone in the house has $100 missing from their wallet Yet again (mind you I’ve also had money missing which is why I don’t carry cash now unless it’s given to me but didn’t say anything as didn’t want to blame anyone.) however I’m now getting the b... View more

Someone in the house has $100 missing from their wallet Yet again (mind you I’ve also had money missing which is why I don’t carry cash now unless it’s given to me but didn’t say anything as didn’t want to blame anyone.) however I’m now getting the blame and also found out they have blamed me for other things (my partner told me they have said things to them). I’m over it. I do t do shit but yet it’s always me. I want out of here but untill I can get back to work I can’t

randomxx Relationship break up , 5 yrs , 59 , feels hopeless.
  • replies: 175

Hi to anyone that might drop in , it's rx here l just had to rejoin.A few might remember my ongoing thread about gf and her situation, us and the rest. Sadly though, we've broken up after all that.l'm 59 now, just feels hopeless. lt's not that l don'... View more

Hi to anyone that might drop in , it's rx here l just had to rejoin.A few might remember my ongoing thread about gf and her situation, us and the rest. Sadly though, we've broken up after all that.l'm 59 now, just feels hopeless. lt's not that l don't get interest it's just the thought of starting over sometime later on down the track now, again, meeting that right person, it's about that person, not any interest or 2 dozen others, it's that one that feels so hopeless and if even ever at all will probably be yrs away from now, and l'll feel like it even less.Ya just can't help thinking about it even though it's of course not the time right now for sure, know that. As in my other thread, we were up and down , she had huge problems when we met, visas' and court cases and mh and health, she was all over the place. That's why l held back with her and us, 5 yrs but l still supported her with all l had right through it all though. All that had finally finished 3yrs in but she was still all over the place, l felt l could never trust it or her true self.Together she was loving and supportive and affectionate and just a real partner tbh . But we were still long distance again due to her situation and so whenever she was home again or l wasn't up at hers, she'd just change again.She'd be all negative and her health would go to shit again, talking bad stuff about us, saying she was too sick now to have a relationship, must've went through all that 20 times with her in 5yrs.Truth was together, she was not only just beautiful mostly , but also fitter than any girl her age l ever knew soon as she was back up home alone though it'd all just start again.There's no talking or reasoning, even though she use to preach positivity herself, the negativity just pours out all over again, even if we'd just had a beautiful 3 or 4wks together. Dealing with that 5yrs plus all her earlier dramas , l just couldn't trust anything to do with us, but l hoped in time or once we were together full time, that'd all just go as it was when we were together. But then l'd think how would l know that was real just bc we were together properly at last, if she was going home again she'd just blurt out all the same old stuff. Anyway, it started again after our last visit, her health her stress , she can't be in a relationship, l've had enough.ldk, l was divorced 10yrs ago, laid low 5yrs, but she was the only one l'd met that just fitted, but then there was the rest of it. l could see a life with her though if it all sorted out and so l persisted.l knew it was a gamble though, damn it. rx

DaveKay Need some perspective - wife has asked for separation
  • replies: 18

HI community I'm 47 with 3 kids (11, 8, 6) and a marriage (12 years) that's been on the rocks for a while. My wife has asked for a seperatation, and I'm after some perspectives from anyone who has gone through something similar. As background context... View more

HI community I'm 47 with 3 kids (11, 8, 6) and a marriage (12 years) that's been on the rocks for a while. My wife has asked for a seperatation, and I'm after some perspectives from anyone who has gone through something similar. As background context - wife has been unhappy for quite sometime, and has previously asked to seperate. Her reasons are that I am too difficult to live with, and that I scare the kids when I yell at them. I get where is she coming from, and I've tried my hardest over the years and months to settle that down. A lot of that stems from me being the primary income earner (working long and hard hours) and then carrying a big household load as well (cooking, shopping etc). Wife does most of the running around, appointments etc. The house gets crazy chaotic most times, and it just happens that my dad-yelling is much more aggressive that her mum-yelling. That's just for background and context. I know I can be a real knob sometimes, so here we are... She's asked me to move out of the house so she can stay with the kids. My primary resistance is that I cannot afford to fund a second residence without significant impact on the kids (ie remove from private schooling, reduction in costly extracurricular activities). My second resistance that the kids quality of life will suffer as a whole, though wife thinks they'll be happier with me not being around so much. I said I don't plan to be kicked out of my own house, and she seems determined to leave with the kids. The frustrating this is that she believes there are rental options for $150 a week (ie cheap!). Lol & sigh. I don't have feelings for her anymore, but I am determined to hold things together for the good of the family, and for sheer practical reasons. Her idea of good is not being around. Any statement I make about finance/cost is seen by her as financial blackmail. I am really hurt and angry. I've busted my butt for the family, and carry so much of the income generation and household chores. I'd love to hear from anyone who has been in a similar scenario- how did you manage the cost of a secondary residence?- how did the kids cope with separation?- is there a good side to any of this? Thanks, all!

Azzdog Sexual Health and the Idea of Never Having a Partner
  • replies: 787

Hi everyone, I'm not sure how to put this but hopefully it will make sense. I am a 24 year old male who currently is in therapy and sees a psychologist regularly. I have OCD, anxiety, depression, and autism, and when you put those all together, it be... View more

Hi everyone, I'm not sure how to put this but hopefully it will make sense. I am a 24 year old male who currently is in therapy and sees a psychologist regularly. I have OCD, anxiety, depression, and autism, and when you put those all together, it becomes understandable why socialising is a major problem for me. One major cause of my current situation is the fact that I have never hd a girlfriend or had sex. Because we live in the digital age, it is almost impossible to avoid the fact that a lot of people are in relationships and that modern society is obsessed with the concept of sex. You would almost have to live on a deserted island in order to completely avoid all the triggers associated with it. My cause of concern is that I have no one that I can relate to on this and that I feel like I struggle to articulate how bad it is for my mental health. My psychologist says that I am well in the normal distribution for young men but that doesn't really make me feel any better. Because I am shy, introverted, and have a lot of hobbies and interests that are not in line with contemporary society, I genuinely feel like I will never have a girlfriend, never have sex, and die alone. This fact alone has meant in the past 6 months, I have had 5 separate stints in a psychiatric ward due to concerns of my own safety. I was wondering if there are any other young men out there who feel the same way and are currently in the same boat, and if there are any young mens health groups around? I feel the latter would be important for me and reassure me that I am not the only one who feels this way.

Cathy_Chiew Be frustrated with the relationship with my friend but she is also my roommate
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My friend, M, is my roommate but also my friend. We usually hang out together, but after she fed a cat, things changed. Because I have an allergy to cat fur, I had told her about this issue. She promised me she would do the cleaning. However, she did... View more

My friend, M, is my roommate but also my friend. We usually hang out together, but after she fed a cat, things changed. Because I have an allergy to cat fur, I had told her about this issue. She promised me she would do the cleaning. However, she didn't! My nose has been stuck for over four years. Every time I saw fur on the kitchen bench, my desk, in the fridge, and so on, the fur be on the place its shouldnt I couldn't help but feel angry. I had tried to discuss it with her, but the response was like, 'Oh, my cat is so pitiful; no one likes you,' or 'I'll shave your fur, my kitty, to be bald, and there would be no fur.' Also, she put a Poopoo machine in our bathroom but only cleans it once per fortnight. I have to endure the terrible smell every time I use the bathroom. I told her about this issue, and she bought candles and a diffuser. The combination of smells was extremely disgusting.I feel she is really selfish! But I also have to admit we have had lots of good times. Mostly when we hang out, she drives, and she has also introduced me to many new friends. I'm confused about whether I should continue this relationship

Rachy86 Pregnant sister
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Hi my name is Rachel and my sister is pregnant.We are very close and she supports me alot as I have mental health issues.I know things will change but I am afraid I am going to lose the relationship I have with my sister and because of this I feel I ... View more

Hi my name is Rachel and my sister is pregnant.We are very close and she supports me alot as I have mental health issues.I know things will change but I am afraid I am going to lose the relationship I have with my sister and because of this I feel I am not reacting to the news in the right way.Also I feel I am not a great person so I don't know how I can contribute to helping another person. I know I don't want them to turn out like me. And because of this I am taking a step back from the whole situation which I don't want to do because I love my sister and I want to support her. But maybe it's better this way at least I won't screw it up.

gloria10 My sister has stopped talking to me
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Hi. I'm looking for some advice to deal with my sister, who has recently stopped talking to me. We have never really been super close, but have still stayed in contact every few months as we know family is important. Recently, she started to get a bi... View more

Hi. I'm looking for some advice to deal with my sister, who has recently stopped talking to me. We have never really been super close, but have still stayed in contact every few months as we know family is important. Recently, she started to get a bit hostile towards me and argued over little things, I felt I was walking on eggshells. If I tried to reach out to her she wouldn't answer my calls. I understand people get busy, but I get the feeling it's more than that. It's not a nice feeling getting the silent treatment and I'm left feeling quite drained at times. I was wondering if anyone else has experienced this sort of thing and how you approached it? Many thanks, Gloria10

nicky76 My mum is addicted to ice
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When I was 17 my mum fell into a bad ice addiction. She lost her job, our family home and everything she has worked for within the space of 12 months. She is now homeless and a prostitute which she chooses to post on Facebook on her multiple accounts... View more

When I was 17 my mum fell into a bad ice addiction. She lost her job, our family home and everything she has worked for within the space of 12 months. She is now homeless and a prostitute which she chooses to post on Facebook on her multiple accounts she makes. She suffers from bad psychosis and thinks I am either dead or out to get her. I don’t know how to deal with the grief that I have already lost her even if she is still here physically. I haven’t seen her for over 3 years and i to be honest I am scared to see her. I don’t know what I would do or how she would react to me and if she would lash out. How do I accept that my mum won’t be there to see all my achievements and say she loves me even though she is still here. I feel ashamed if any of my friends see her on Facebook because they will wonder who she is and why she posts the stuff she does and I don’t want anyone to make fun of her. My heart hurts for her when I think she might be unsafe and with people who don’t care about her. It’s just me and her. She won’t talk to my aunt and my grandparents have passed away. Sometimes I feel so alone.

Chrissy M Estrangement from daughter
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My eldest daughter 26 years has estranged me and the family. It makes me very sad. Been six years now. I have no idea why, no big arguments, was very closed and distant towards me before the estrangement. No mother is perfect. Had a different marriag... View more

My eldest daughter 26 years has estranged me and the family. It makes me very sad. Been six years now. I have no idea why, no big arguments, was very closed and distant towards me before the estrangement. No mother is perfect. Had a different marriage DV. Loved all my childrens and treated they with love. I have grown closer to my faith. I would not survive without Jesus in my life. But most days I think of her, I pray that we will reconcile. But all I get is silence. Why does she punish me, with her no contact.