Relationship and family issues

Surviving a Severe Romance Scam: 2 Years of Love, Loss, and Grief

replies: 8

Part 1: The Connection, My Reality, and the Early Days The moment I saw her photo on social media, well I just knew that I had to text her and find out more about her. To me it was a very down to earth photo and she had a very caring and kind face, s... View more

Part 1: The Connection, My Reality, and the Early Days The moment I saw her photo on social media, well I just knew that I had to text her and find out more about her. To me it was a very down to earth photo and she had a very caring and kind face, she got my attention right away. It was not a habit of mine to go looking at ladies profiles and then send them a text message, just because I found them attractive. However, with this lady things were different, I just had to let her know who I was.I had been in a relationship for over 25 years and separated for the last 4 years, but still living under the one roof, as we both owned the house out right we were living in. Before the separation it had been a relationship with no intimacy or affection for a least three years, so no affection shown to me at all for about seven years total and still none. As someone that finds affection a major part of a relationship and even outside of it, something I needed and craved for, things have been very hard for me. I have longed to be happy and to find that very special person in my life, as I was not getting any younger and wanted the remainder of my life to be a great experience for happiness and togetherness. I am tired of being so lonely and being on my own in my bed at night for so long, with no one to hold next to me and to wake up in the morning with.I was not out looking through profiles of women, nor had that been the intention on the night I saw her photo. She never sent me a personal message, it was me that found her, there she was, a beautiful Korean lady. I decided to send her a message, introducing myself, it was not long before she sent me a message back. At the start, like in first talking to someone it was small talk to get to know each other a little bit better. She told me how she had just got back from the USA and was now back in Seoul, Korea, where she owned a clothing store.I thought to myself that this was as far as things were going to go, because she was so stylish and glamorous and I could not equal that. However, I took the risk and told her that I was not working, due to injuring my back as a nurse a few years back and that I was on a disability pension and also went on to tell her that from there, I now suffer from anxiety disorder and clinical depression. To my surprise, she was very accepting of this and wished to know more about me, by that time I was already starting to think that I had finally found someone very special indeed.Over the next few months in texting each other every day, morning and night. We began to learn about what we each liked in a partner and what we didn't. We also shared our values, beliefs and expectations in a relationship from the start and in the future. I was very honest with her, open and upfront, because I had learnt from previous relationships how important that was at the start of a relationship. This was something that continued to remain throughout the online long distance relationship. I fell in love with "her" for 2 years, every day communication. I shared so much of my life with her. I was so looking forward to being with her finally, I was happy for once.This is so hard . I miss texting her and receiving her texts. She was all I had, she even gave me comfort when my ex was giving me a hard time. She often asked how I was, gave me good advice and words of support when I was unwell. She often also told me how hard she had been working at the store to get things in order. Ready for her to come to my country. That sometimes when she got home from work at about 12am my time. She would be so tired and had been getting a sore back lately. I told her to take it easy at work and give herself time to have breaks. She only had one staff member and it seemed like she was doing the role of more than one position. Then when she came home from work. I often asked her how her day was and she did mine as well. After this she would go silent for a bit. But the moment I text her, it would not be long before I heard from her again. [Note: This is a 3-part post. Parts 2 and 3 will be posted in the replies below as soon as this thread is approved.]

Constantly think my partner is cheating.

replies: 6

Hey everyone, I was just looking to get abit of advice from some people who may have had a similar issue to me and my partner. I am diagnosed bipolar since 18 however I’m now 27 and currently being reviewed as it would appear I might have bpd. I have... View more

Hey everyone, I was just looking to get abit of advice from some people who may have had a similar issue to me and my partner. I am diagnosed bipolar since 18 however I’m now 27 and currently being reviewed as it would appear I might have bpd. I have been in a relationship since January this year so relatively new and have struggled the last 4 weeks. My brain is constantly telling me my partner is doing the wrong thing... when she goes out I think she is cheating... when she’s on her phone I think she’s talking to other women and in response to this thought I am treating her like she is guilty. This has taken a toll on her and our relationship. I don’t know how to stop the thoughts overpowering my rational side and I don’t know how to see things from her perspective. I have explained the place that these feelings come from but she has told me I am wearing her down. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if anyone else in a relationship has had a similar problem with these obsessional thoughts around their partner and infidelity but I can’t seem to shake them and I clearly can’t continue to question or treat her like she’s guilty. So I’m looking for any kind of advice on what I can do to help the situation or what I can say to her to make her understand or what I am doing wrong and how I can stop. So whatever advice anyone has for me would be much appreciated because I really love her and I really don’t want my mental health to ruin this relationship. Thanks, c

Lost son in custody waiting hearing

replies: 3

My 20 year old son finished school and went to uni away from home - 6 months into uni he could not pay his way although we were supporting him with food parcels. He just had to cover a small rent - this was all discussed with him prior to his choice ... View more

My 20 year old son finished school and went to uni away from home - 6 months into uni he could not pay his way although we were supporting him with food parcels. He just had to cover a small rent - this was all discussed with him prior to his choice to go this this particular Uni….wanting to leave home that this cost was on him. Evidently he drained our savings account that we had offset for him for when he completed uni - within 5 months of uni he got kicked out of dorms because he did not make rent. Not sure where he lived between may and December. He never told us that he was not on campus. Truth came out over Christmas- we set boundaries that he needed to pay us back - uni was up to him - he said he would defer. I suspected drug use or some form of addiction which he denied. Then re ran away - after stealing our credit cards…..if you can call it running away at the age of 20. We lost all contact with him. I since learnt that he then stole from his friends and their parents where he was couch surfing.A few months down the track and we had some random text from him - he was living somewhere in the city. Apparently he was fine but reading between the few lines we got and mothers intuition new better. Then the phone call came from police they were looking for him. we searched the streets at night looking for him to no avail. Police caught up to him / 21 cases of intent . Stealing cards and using them to purchase food. He’s been living on the streets by the sound of it.He has had his first hearing which we were not allowed into - was not given bail and will go before the court next week. He obviously does not want us in his life which I am struggling with big time. Not sure how to navigate the family with all of this especially if we can not contact him.roller coaster of emotions along with the guilt of what we did wrong. Not sure where to go from here and if we should show our support at the next hearing. Will it be too confrontational for him ? Will his legal aid reach out to us to get get background history? completely lost and overwhelmed.

Identity theft when I wasn't feeling well and made it worse when I tried to make it better

replies: 1

When I was in year 4, there was a girl in my year who once picked up my lunch box, scraped dirt and leaves into it from a place where people would sit down and then throw it into the air, sit down on the spot for a few seconds and then get up again. ... View more

When I was in year 4, there was a girl in my year who once picked up my lunch box, scraped dirt and leaves into it from a place where people would sit down and then throw it into the air, sit down on the spot for a few seconds and then get up again. She only did this twice and the second time she did it, her friend joined in. It's not that bad, especially since we were so young, but I was mad about it for a long time. My sister told me that this girl said she hated me and I didn't know why. When I was 17, I used a forum. I was getting bullied a lot by people at school and I made about five different accounts to try to work out this out-of-control social situation I was in. When I was making the "mean girl account", I was thinking of a name for it and then thought I would give this one the same first name and very similar last name to this girl who did the lunch box thing even though it was such a long time ago. (Bad idea). I had psychosis during this time, but it was still a really mean and selfish thing to do. For two years, I kept this up and then realized how bad it was, but instead of stopping after this, I thought it would be a good idea to make another account with this name but make it more obvious that I wasn't being serious and that it would be a win for both of us. No matter how hard I tried to make it obvious I wasn't being serious though, most people still took it seriously almost every time even though it was extremely over the top and had a lot of jokes in it that I thought were obvious. This of course made it much worse than it would have if I had just left it, especially since I continued doing this for 3 more years. I showed what I had said to a psychologist, and she said that it was so obvious that I wasn't being serious and that the people who thought I was being serious must have been 11-year-olds or extremely immature. I admitted to it to my younger sister and my mum. My younger sister said that it wasn't right, but it wouldn't have hurt her that much because you've had people pretend to be you online and you don't hate those people. I told my mum about the lunch box thing and she said, "She's an attention seeker!" but it wasn't that bad. If someone did that at the age of 30, it would be a bit crazy, but even then, they wouldn't deserve to be tortured for it. Apparently, what I did broke her (I don't know what people mean when they say that something broke them, but it doesn't sound good) so it definitely hurt her a lot. I try to get them to realize this, but they still think I'm just overthinking things I apologized to the girl in 2022 I think it was. She didn't say anything back (which is understandable). I wanted to delete my Facebook, so I deleted the apology (I didn't want to have anything on it before deleting it). I couldn't figure out how to delete it but since I used a made-up last name on it, it deleted it for me soon after that. I still got notifications saying that I had messages, but I couldn't see them. I think the messages were probably from the girl. There are so many things I wish I didn't do because I have deeply hurt a lot of people.

Life’s rough patch

replies: 2

My life has really hit a rough patch rn, I didn’t even know what I did to cause this my affliction. So our relationship has been okay, like we’ve been together for almost 9 years we have 2 kids together. Kids do put a strain on things but I tried com... View more

My life has really hit a rough patch rn, I didn’t even know what I did to cause this my affliction. So our relationship has been okay, like we’ve been together for almost 9 years we have 2 kids together. Kids do put a strain on things but I tried communicating and other means like counseling, she refused. But yeah Thing got bad when I need to go down to qld for surgery. We are still together at this point she takes me to the airport we say good bye I hug and kiss everyone goodbye. I’m in qld for a week, we are talking every and she ask me to buy plane tickets for her to come down so after surgery we could turn it into a family holiday. I bought the plane tickets we were excited. But it comes the day of the flight and she breaks up with me over message not a call not in person over text. Says she can’t do it anymore and she thinks she would leave me. Fast forward over mind games of her saying one thing to me the saying something different. Giving me false hope of rebuilding our relationship. The the other night she starts sending me videos and photos of her with other people, she goes on belittling my appearance saying that she did gods work being with me, that I was only ever punching in our relationship, she was completely destroying my self image and worth and I feel utterly destroyed because I believe it and I can’t stop feeling that way because of the course of our relationship she would remind me that. I should have seen signs earlier, just done stuff in the past to make me question myself and the last time she did something to me she begged me to stay so I did because I still loved her and the kids. I feel absolutely torn apart. I sacrificed a lot during our relationship cut out a lot of people my family. I wasn’t able to do things my opinion ment nothing I felt unseen and isolated but I stayed because that’s all I ever knew I choose her along time ago and I didn’t want to let go. I feel so stupid

Forgiveness and grace

replies: 3

Please be careful about making assumptions about people's intentions. It can absolutely destroy a family, friendships and your own inner peace. If you think someone has done or said something against you, give them the benefit of the doubt. Ask their... View more

Please be careful about making assumptions about people's intentions. It can absolutely destroy a family, friendships and your own inner peace. If you think someone has done or said something against you, give them the benefit of the doubt. Ask their intention. If it was good or bad they'll likely shine a good light on it, I get that but you will never know their true heart. Only God knows this. By viewing people's actions/thoughts as though they had good intentions gives you inner peace, softens your response and allows the relationship to connect at a deeper level. No one really benefits from relationship breakdown. We are all humans who miscommunicate, do and say silly things (not a single person is exempt from this). We all need to move to have a forgiving heart, grace for each other, a willingness to listen, and courage to be heard - my prayers go out to all estranged families for all of this...our families are too important to not to fight for. God bless you all.

Betrayal and humiliation

replies: 26

When we first met, our values and morals were completely aligned. Our relationship felt strong, and we built a life together, raising children, sharing responsibilities, and supporting each other. I became runned down from things happening ,life and ... View more

When we first met, our values and morals were completely aligned. Our relationship felt strong, and we built a life together, raising children, sharing responsibilities, and supporting each other. I became runned down from things happening ,life and we talked about it , i didn’t feel like being intimate for a very long time, only on and offs. The first serious betrayal happened in September, after a big fight. He had left for a week so we could get space. Despite that, we continued our relationship. On 26/12, we were intimate. At times, I didn’t want sexual contact because I was tired or exhausted from work, family, and daily life, but I offered other forms of intimacy, which he declined. I felt sad that I couldn’t meet all his needs in the way he wanted, even though I was trying. Then, a few days later, around 3/1, he went to sexual service again. This was shortly after we had spent time together and had been intimate. I discovered this by accident, and it felt like the trust I had was completely shattered. He admitted what he had done and expressed shame, taking responsibility for his actions, but he also said he didn’t know if he would have stopped if I hadn’t found out. That left me feeling scared that this pattern could continue. He has said that he wanted closeness and intimacy, but still sought sexual services elsewhere. It’s hard to reconcile that he wanted connection with me but also chose secrecy and actions that hurt me. We have also discussed how his behavior affects our relationship and the children, though they don’t yet know the details. It’s worrying to think about how this impacts their sense of security and trust. He has started taking on household chores and responsibilities for the kids on his own, which I notice. After 9 years together, it’s hard to understand why these actions happened now. Our intimacy, values, and life together had been strong. Still, these behaviors emerged under stress, exhaustion, and other pressures, showing that patterns and choices sometimes override intentions. This is the timeline of what has happened, how I felt, and the steps being taken to address it. I’m sharing this to be honest about the process, the hurt, and the attempts at accountability, while also acknowledging how complicated and confusing it all is. what would you do?

Rock and a hard place

replies: 2

My wife has been diagnosed with Bipolar, &is in the mental health unit for her 3rd involuntary stay in the last 3years following another psychosis. She has very low insight &characterizes the episodes as just being a stressed mum, or blames me for be... View more

My wife has been diagnosed with Bipolar, &is in the mental health unit for her 3rd involuntary stay in the last 3years following another psychosis. She has very low insight &characterizes the episodes as just being a stressed mum, or blames me for being manipulative &making the hospital take her away. I have spent the last three years desperately trying to help her to get help with her condition. She doesnt believe there is anything wrong, cancels her appointments (psychiatrist, psychologist, community mental health), has cut me out of her supports, so I dont have any connection with any of the supports she has had (gp). Also, she was very clearly told to cease weight loss stimulants, &medicinal cannabis last year when she was in hospital, but started back on the MC the day she was released, &ceased the antipsychotics straight away. I have said twice now, that if i find that she has started back on the cannabis without getting a proper second opinion &medical advice, we will separate. She told me she threw everything out &promised not to use it anymore. We have 3 kids, preschool, primary school &high school age. We have been seeing a clinical psych for couples therapy for the last year following her discharge from hospital. It is the only support she will consistently attend. There has been no progress, &no adherence to even the simplest of plans set in the sessions. I have developed depression, insomnia &ptsd as a result of the last psychosis, and the difficulty of trying to live with &support someone who denies there is a problem, blames me heavily for the situation, &refuses to seek help or follow the recommendations of anyone who doesnt say what she wants to hear. I can see the impact on the kids. Like me, the constant walking on eggshells, inconsistencies &unpredictability, and the lack of recognition is causing an emotionally volatile home environment. She is also a good mum. she cares deeply &she genuinely believes that there is nothing wrong with her, so she deflects all of the emotional tension into blame on me. It's really hard for me to sit with. We have been relatively separated for about 6 months now. sleeping in different rooms, &basically haven't had a conversation outside of practical matters for that time. She ended up back in the hospital a few weeks ago. I found cannabis. I cant go through all of this again trying to help someone who wont help herself. I think we need to separate, but Im really conflicted about it all Any advice?

Constant pain or family alienation. What to do?

replies: 4

i have helped my son and his partner for over 3 years financially. i bought a property for them and subsidised their rent. now they are pregnant, at the same time i was diagnosed with two chronic pain conditions and am finding it hard to keep working... View more

i have helped my son and his partner for over 3 years financially. i bought a property for them and subsidised their rent. now they are pregnant, at the same time i was diagnosed with two chronic pain conditions and am finding it hard to keep working. i asked if i can sell their property so i can retire. they blew up and now arent speaking to me. they said they will cover all expenses and will take in her mother to help with all payments (been 3 months and I am still subsidising them). they also refuse to leave the property for 2 more years. A few weeks ago I said i dont want the fiancee around as she is always in 'drama mode'. As stress increases the chances of flares, i am trying to protect myself. I know it was the wrong thing to say, but I am hurt they are virtually forcing me to keep working, whilst in constant pain.

Parents divorce

replies: 2

I am in my teens, and almost two years ago my parents separated, and they officially divorced a year ago this month. I had always had the feeling that their relationship wasn't going to last because of their constant fighting, which always resulted i... View more

I am in my teens, and almost two years ago my parents separated, and they officially divorced a year ago this month. I had always had the feeling that their relationship wasn't going to last because of their constant fighting, which always resulted in either one of them storming out and leaving for the night. I had sort of come to terms with the fact that i would never be able to live with both my parents back together, and honestly i wouldn't want them back together. But now after the divorce has been settled, i am basically living full time with my mum and sometimes visit my dad on the weekends. I see him everyday though, and its not that i dont want to stay with him but it just feels easier staying with mum. My mum used to travel alot for work, going sometimes outside of the country and i would just be a blob of tears and snot until she returned, so i've felt like ive always been closer with my mum. It even got the point where i had to see my schools counsiler because i started breaking down in the middle of class (it was honestly very embarrasing). Its not that i dont love my dad, because i do, but recently i feel myself pushing away from him. For some reason i feel like im being pressured to stay at his house, and its always the same of me feeling nervous and almost depressed at the thought of staying at his place but then when i get there its fine. It's more so the fact of when i get back i just feel mentally exhuasted, like i had to put up and act with him. I've noticed he has changed over the time of the seperation, with him already dealing with alot of mental issues from his previous work, which caused him to basically change up his whole life. But even now i still find myself almost scared of ending up like him. When him and my mum used to argue when they were together it was mainly him to was the loudest, and would get so angry. There was one time i was crying, and my mum was hugging me after i had yelled at my sister and she said something along the lines of "It's okay, you just get it from your father." Which made me freeze up and start crying even more. I dont even know why but i just felt so overwhelmed to become like him, especially when he was angry. He never was violent, and only ever shouted but over the few months he has seemed to change. He is alot more calm, and has worked alot on his mental health. But still there is times where he is angry, and i can almost see the same man from when they were arguing and i just feel everything drain out of me. I'm not too sure what to do anymore. I've tried to talk to my mum about seeing a pscychiatrist or someone, because I'm sick of feeling like i constantly have to be okay, and she said she was on it. I've asked her mulitple times but it feels like im talking to a brick wall at this point. I understand she is busy with work, but i'm done caring at this point. I feel like im slowly retracting from my family (not my sister), and just listening to music to allow my mind to focus on anything else. I'm tired. I just want someone to be able to know what is going on my head, because i sure as hell don't. I want to have a good relationship with my dad, but it just feels so out of reach and difficult with my still feelings from their divorce, my own mental health issues. There is days where i just feel like im on the verge of breaking down, and then there is days where i feel like i can take on anything- which always resolutely ends with me feeling like im breaking down. I havent found a balance, but i find when im alone and reading or something I can just focus on myself and allow myself to think about the absaloute swirlstorm of thoughts in my head. There is just so much that i don't even know where to begin, and i just want to be okay again. (Sorry if this is very random, but i just feel like its easier to talk to someone about my issues if they dont really know my family or me.) Anyways, thanks if you made it this far.

Pinned discussions

Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about

replies: 0

All discussions

Surviving a Severe Romance Scam: 2 Years of Love, Loss, and Grief

replies: 8

Constantly think my partner is cheating.

replies: 6

Lost son in custody waiting hearing

replies: 3

Identity theft when I wasn't feeling well and made it worse when I tried to make it better

replies: 1

Life’s rough patch

replies: 2

Forgiveness and grace

replies: 3

Betrayal and humiliation

replies: 26

Rock and a hard place

replies: 2

Constant pain or family alienation. What to do?

replies: 4

Parents divorce

replies: 2

Relationship and family issues

Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about replies: 0

Surviving a Severe Romance Scam: 2 Years of Love, Loss, and Grief replies: 8

Constantly think my partner is cheating. replies: 6

Lost son in custody waiting hearing replies: 3

Identity theft when I wasn't feeling well and made it worse when I tried to make it better replies: 1

Life’s rough patch replies: 2

Forgiveness and grace replies: 3

Betrayal and humiliation replies: 26

Rock and a hard place replies: 2

Constant pain or family alienation. What to do? replies: 4

Parents divorce replies: 2

Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about

replies: 0

Surviving a Severe Romance Scam: 2 Years of Love, Loss, and Grief

replies: 8

Constantly think my partner is cheating.

replies: 6

Lost son in custody waiting hearing

replies: 3

Identity theft when I wasn't feeling well and made it worse when I tried to make it better

replies: 1

Life’s rough patch

replies: 2

Forgiveness and grace

replies: 3

Betrayal and humiliation

replies: 26

Rock and a hard place

replies: 2

Constant pain or family alienation. What to do?

replies: 4

Parents divorce

replies: 2