A very warm welcome to you at such an intensely challenging time in your marriage and your life.
Having become somewhat of an intolerant sassy gal over recent years, gone are the days where I'd be left to wonder alone in regard to what's my fault in my marriage. These days it's more so about questioning 'If I have faults, which I'm sure I do, tell me which ones you feel to be an issue. If you can't tell me, then they don't exist or can't be all that outstanding to begin with'. A little confrontational but, seriously, I'm over tip toeing through a 22 year marriage where the challenges that are going to develop the relationship are too uncomfortable to be discussed by my husband. While I like to talk things out (aka 'resolving issues'), my husband doesn't like to discuss the hard stuff. I used to sit alone, sometimes in tears, trying work everything out for myself. I did that for years. That kind of stuff gets depressing and I vowed to myself that I won't do depressing if I can help it. Been there, done that many times in my marriage. While the people pleaser in me would say to me 'Don't rock the boat, just try and work it out for yourself', the intolerant part of me would say to me 'Get him to take ownership of what he's said and expand on it, the comment 'It's your fault''. Not taking ownership is saying it and then walking away, leaving me alone to deal with it.
While it may not sound like it, I'm a deeply feeling person, which is why I have to employ strategies for when it comes to what I feel (words included). Some words can feel heartbreaking or soul destroying if we're not careful with how we feel them ❤️
