Sexuality and gender identity

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Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums

replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender Identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental health and wellbeing. We welcome all conversations here and want to know how you feel and what has helped you to be your best self. A few important tips and rules for this section are below. What is important is that this is a welcoming, kind and supportive space for everyone. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ+) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ+ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ+ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ+ space. Thank you and welcome Beyond Blue

by BeyondBlue •

Community Manager•

Posted in Sexuality and gender identity

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04-03-2025

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LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place

replies: 224

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

by MsPurple •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Sexuality and gender identity

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22-08-2017

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224 unread

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Lost/confused

replies: 2

Hi all, I’ve been married for over 30yrs to a great lady. We have 3 adult children. I’ve always thought deep down that I have attractions to men. I’ve had several encounters and affairs throughout my marriage and have just told my wife everything, all cards on the table. I informed my kids that I think I am bi/gay and they have been very supportive about it, showing no judgment, just a bit of shock I guess. My wife is struggling to understand and accept this, and refusing to let me go or leave the marriage, occasionally saying that now that I’ve ruined her life she will ruin the rest of mine by denying me separation or divorce. She won’t allow me to tell any of our/her friends due to the embarrassment this will cause her.I have massive guilt/anxiety/depression because of this and have constant thoughts of self harm/suicide. She says this is a cowardly thing to do to my family and dismisses me when I talk about it. Now we just constantly argue over the whole topic/situation, which just heightens my wanting to end it. I struggle with the thought of going on like this but don’t feel I can just walk away, scared of the thought of losing my kids. I’ve contacted Lifeline and Beyond Blue several times over the last few months, even ended up in the psych ward in hospital wanting to end it. I’ve had numerous appointments with psychiatrists and psychologists but this has not been helpful so far. Would be greatful for any advice moving forward, if that’s even possible?! Currently at rock bottom!!

Gender identity Confusion

replies: 0

Well I'm Alex and I am a Paranoid Schizophrenic. And I have what they call Disasosiated identity Disorder. It's what they use to call multiple personality Disorder. I have been diagnosed with 57 personality's. Some male and some female and I switch between they on a daily basis. I was confused about my gender identity. I didn't know who I was for most of my life. I lived as a woman for 3 year's . Trying to figure it out. Eventually the two strongest personality's now have control Alex "Me" and Alice the other one. Now I live as a man because it just feels right. It's okay relax eventually you will figure it out. Peace Love And Light Regards Alex

Am I Gay or Trans

replies: 9

I'm confused!Am I Gay or Trans?I accepted that i was and am gay after all these years but the past few years and now I'm leaning more trans?help please

(TW: Drug use, sexual references) Gay single lonely suicidal drug abuser

replies: 2

So I am a 36 year old guy from WA and I am gay. I am a shy guy and don't think to much if myself. About 5 years ago I started smoking meth which gave me an escape n gave me a boost in confidence. I then came across tumblr and saw people posting vids of themselves smoking meth so I started doing the same and it got some traction so I got creative with the vids and it was fun n I was getting heaps of likes and i hadc10k plus followers. tumblr changed some shit so my vids were being taken down. I was then told about pnp zoom rooms which was a room full of guys smoking n chilling it was like having a session but online. People would msg me recognising me from tumblr and I started getting all this attention in the real world I struggled to meet up with anyone. many rejections or they would flake out. I found myself on these zoom meetings alot and that caused me to increase my meth use to the n was smoking daily.. I'd be in my room for hours smoking and chatting to guys who where giving me so much attention that I have never received in my life. The problem was all these guys were overseas. But it was nice that this guy from Australia pretty much a nobody get this much attention to the point everyone knew who I was. Of course I had some haters but I was always nice n kind and friendly to everyone. As time went on I realised I had no real friends and the only ones I had were my zoom buddy's. My health started to go down hill. I am type 1 diabetic and eventually I had problems getting a erection the best I could do was a semi n that was trying hard lol and mind u I'd be sober too. So I felt embarrassed that a guy like myself can't even get hard any more so I was afraid to hook up with anyone or I'd make up excuses why I couldn't get hard. But on zoom no one cared they thought I was hot AF. I now find myself not being able to afford buying meth so my I tried going on zoom sober but it was hard everyone's high n blowing clouds n here's me just sitting here watching, it was crap I wana blow clouds I wana get high. So I am struggling cause that was my only social thing I'd have Days go by where I speak to no one. Wen I talk to someone I talk their ear off I think I look like this crazy guy and unload everything on this poor person and they politely end the conversation. I dunno wat to do I know people will read this n roll their eyes God i started to see how pathetic I am/sound. I dunno I just wanted to talk n share. I wanted to kill myself but I am a coward

Experimenting with gender causing problems with my partner

replies: 1

I am 19 AFAB, and I have recently been experimenting with how I present and refer to myself. I think I am non-binary, I'm not sure yet, but I've always had these thoughts. I've also had a really strong relationship for the last three years with my boyfriend, who considers himself queer in some way. We are long distance but very close. He very much appreciates my body despite me being openly dysphoric about my large chest and curves for years. Sometimes I worry people only love me for my body, but he reassures me plenty. The last few months have been really rough though, he has some complex anger issues and mental health problems that I simply cannot fix. He will often lash out at anything for the sake of it. Anyways, realising that maybe my severe disconnect from my body may be gender dysphoria, I started wearing a binder to see how I feel. Immediately I felt relieved and like I looked so much more myself. Its the first time I looked in the mirror and really loved who I saw. Binding has made me so confident and radiant in the last few weeks and its making me feel more confident that I might be on the non-binary spectrum. This wasnt the case with my boyfriend. When he first saw me in a binder he was supportive I guess? Because he knew I was happy. But he very quickly turned sour and mean. He was very happy to tell me how much he hated it, how he never wants to see it again, and that i should burn it. He even went as far to pick on my insecurities and tell me I looked even more ugly and disproportionate. This hurt me so deeply. He calmed down and apologised, saying he was just in a bad mood and saw the opportunity to express that negativity and that he just struggles with change (DD's to flat is hard I guess) and it will grow on him. Its been weeks and it is still an issue for him. Again, long distance so with timing he almost never sees me wearing it outside of a selfie a day. It still bothers him greatly. He tells me it doesn't matter if he sees it or not, he still hates the concept of me changing my body when he loves it so much. He still wants me to throw it away. Any time its mentioned he gets in a really bad mood. It's exhausting and makes me feel used, I feel a good lover shouldnt care what you look like and love you the same after three years. At least I dont. What do I do? I feel like if I do decide I identify as non-binary he would make it such a huge problem and hurt me. I don't want to be hurt anymore. How can I help him be just okay with the binder? I'm just really upset. I understand preferences but I dont understand why it bothers him so terribly even when I promised never to show myself in a binder.

Help understanding transgender child

replies: 2

Hi all, first time on this site.I am after some help or information if anyone else has the same experience to help me navigate with my 19 yo transgender daughter.We have had a few years of adjusting and coming to terms with this, unfortunately my husband could not support our daughter and this along with other reasons has resulted in our separation.It is only after this time where she has been free to transition unencumbered that she has changed.She seems to be a completely different person, and seems false.They are also saying they are pansexual and polyamourous, which makes my head spin for the complexity of their life. I am confused and I want to see if anyone else has had anything similar and how you navigated it. Thanks in advance

Am I or am I not

replies: 1

I don't like labels we are all just people but after 55 years 30 years married, am I gay, I'm so confused, I don't even know how navigate this, I think I just never aloud myself to think about it too much

I can't tell if I'm confused about my body or my gender.

replies: 1

For a while now I have felt uncomfortable in my body. When I am in the shower or look in the mirror I see my body and don't particularly like it. The main part that I don't like is my chest. I was born female and now identify as a demigirl (part girl, part non-binary). I am currently going through puberty and, therefore, my chest is growing. Whenever I see my exposed chest I feel very uncomfortable and always feel much better when I cover it, can't see it, or unintentionally see it as flat.This may be a contributing factor but I have a trans-male boyfriend and the potential for me to be a boy might be affected by that.Either way, I can't tell if I just don't want to have my chest anymore or if I actually am a boy. If anyone has had a similar experience, please tell me. I just want to have an answer.

How Do I Know My Gender?

replies: 6

I was asigned female at birth. My whole life, up until a few months ago, I identified as a girl. As a female. But now I'm not sure. I feel like sometimes I don't fit in with the other girls. Although most of my friends are girls. I hate the beaty standards of our society. I don't fit them. I don't like wearing tight and revealing clothing and showing my midriff. I'm also probably underweight. I'm tall but skinny. I'm not busty like the other girls. Everyone sees so confident in what they wear, and then there's just me, hiding in my baggy jeans and hoody, becomming as small as possible. Trying not to be in the way. I don't feel that out of place in my body, but I've got so many different styles. I can't seem to stick to just one. And those styles differ depending on who I'm with and how they dress. I've got ADHD. And Anxiety. And most likely Autism. I mask. To fit in. I don't know if the questioning I'm experiencing is because of that or because I don't feel female. I don't know how to identify bodily internal feelings, like hunger, etc. But that's probably just the AudiHD speaking. Please help. I don't know what I am or who I am but I need to find out.

Gender Fluid Dilema

replies: 5

So this is like a combined intro post and question. I hope my question will lead into some positive responses and start a discussion about being Gender Fluid. I was very challenged to think up a new alias I have not used previously. I choose the nickname Internalized, because one of my biggest problems is internalized transphobia of all different kinds. I am late diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria, have a host of mental illneses, and unpredictably switch between genders. I am also being treated by several physicians, am prescribed several medications, and was assigned male at birth. When I switch to a masculine way of thinking it is no big deal, I actually feel pretty neutral, and still quite effiminate. If I am wearing a dress in public when this happens, I feel a little silly, but I don't feel reverse dysphoria is a problem. If I switch to a feminine way of thinking while dressed in mens clothing, bad feelings happen. If I cannot change into womens clothes, I will shift my male clothes, so I am wearing them in an effeminate way. I cannot explain what happens if my dysphoria gets out of control. Hence my dilema, most of the time I am adverse to sex, but because I can't talk about it specifically in most support structures, I feel ostracized. My doctors ask a lot of very personal questions, but honestly answering them frankly doesn't make me feel safer, rather it heightens my awareness of uniqueness. The continued onslaught of the toxic political debate means I feel I can no longer go out in public safely dressed part way in womens and mens clothes. This would relieve a lot of my anxiety, but in practice, it attracts a lot more abuse from other people. I feel that identifying as Gender Fluid is not negotiable, it isn't a choice, it is a physical part of me, but even people in the LGBT- (minus sign intentional) community treat me like a freak. So my question is, would there be a simplier way of describing myself, than using MtF Transgender, Transfeminine, Gender Fluid, Bisexual, Skilosexual, and Gray Asexual? Simply saying I am Gender Fluid, raises far too many questions about my veracity.

Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums replies: 0

LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place replies: 224

Lost/confused replies: 2

Gender identity Confusion replies: 0

Am I Gay or Trans replies: 9

(TW: Drug use, sexual references) Gay single lonely suicidal drug abuser replies: 2

Experimenting with gender causing problems with my partner replies: 1

Help understanding transgender child replies: 2

Am I or am I not replies: 1

I can't tell if I'm confused about my body or my gender. replies: 1

How Do I Know My Gender? replies: 6

Gender Fluid Dilema replies: 5