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MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 214

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

Chris_B IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section
  • replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe spa... View more

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

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Cate26 Hiding and masking
  • replies: 2

I feel as though I am constantly hiding myself from others. I am gay and am terrified of telling those around me. Some friends know I am bi and family have suspicions (cousin saw me on a dating app) however it’s not something I have been able voice. ... View more

I feel as though I am constantly hiding myself from others. I am gay and am terrified of telling those around me. Some friends know I am bi and family have suspicions (cousin saw me on a dating app) however it’s not something I have been able voice. I am in my 30s and don’t date. I mean I want to but the fear has been real for soo long i joke with friends about my lack of dating and mask my insecurities when jokes hurt I feel like I don’t deserve to be happy and don’t know how to change this thought process

smartkitty1 I don't understand gender or pronouns. Help
  • replies: 7

All my life I was raised not knowing the difference in gender. I believed from the start that boys and girls were exactly the same. Mum tried to raise me feminine but I always just sticked to being myself, not seeing anything as feminine or masculine... View more

All my life I was raised not knowing the difference in gender. I believed from the start that boys and girls were exactly the same. Mum tried to raise me feminine but I always just sticked to being myself, not seeing anything as feminine or masculine. I knew what tomboys were and girly girls but I also thought that anyone could be girly or masculine without any issue. I was also a shy quiet person but also a huge trouble maker that climbed out of my kindergarten many times lol. Anyway I'm now 18yrs and I realize that gender has difference, however It feels like people decide what gender is based on stereotypes and gender roles, for instance my transmale friend said that if I hate makeup and dress like a guy then I can't be a girl.... and other people have said this to me so now I just wonder "what makes a girl a girl?" If wearing makeup is what makes a girl a girl and I don't wear makeup than who am I? If I don't do anything stereotypically girl like then am I a girl?. I know being a girl is to identify as a girl but what makes someone female? and what makes someone male? I can't help but feel like it is based on what people saw on the media. A girl cares about looks, seems neat and organized, quiet, soft, feminine. But why is it like that, I thought society wanted me to be myself why do I have to make myself like that just to be a girl? See before this I used to just see gender as labels, like a personality trait, it didn't affect much but suddenly its a huge deal. People say that what makes gender different is the clothes and personality, but I always believed that boys could wear dresses and skirts, I always believed that boys could be feminine same with girls for the opposite, so even with that, I saw no difference. And the same I feel with pronouns, I never saw gender in pronouns. My friend said to me "I feel like she/her pronouns makes me think of girly women and thats not me" and I just didn't understand what they were saying, society made you think thats what she/her pronouns means? but I thought she/her he/him they/them were just labels, and I always have thought that. I just don't get it. I see gender equality as I guess the literal meaning and I guess I'm wrong for it. I just don't understand why I can't be myself and still be a girl, why I can't prove that girls can be good at minecraft, hate hair, hate makeup ect... but still identify as one? If gender is based on society roles then why do we see it as such an importance? Sorry...

TheDetectivePrince Introduction And Gender Identity Question
  • replies: 4

Hello, my name is Ake! I'm new to the forums. I wasn't sure where to post but I thought here might be a good place. I am bisexual and genderfluid. My pronouns are she/they/he. Please use them interchangeably, or default to they/them if you're unsure.... View more

Hello, my name is Ake! I'm new to the forums. I wasn't sure where to post but I thought here might be a good place. I am bisexual and genderfluid. My pronouns are she/they/he. Please use them interchangeably, or default to they/them if you're unsure. So I was wondering if anyone had any tips with looking more androgynous? I'm not sure how to explain it, but even though I do sometimes express myself in a stereotypical manner of my Assigned Gender At Birth, I hate how I look. I want to look androgynous, so I can easily fit into whatever gender I am a particular day. I have both masculine and feminine features (I am technically intersex but was assigned a specific binary gender) but I still don't feel like my appearance represents the real me. I'm not sure if that makes any sense, but basically how do I make my gender more ambiguous based on physical appearance? I can't wear long sleeves so things like jackets aren't an option and I'm not fully out yet so I wouldn't be able to do anything medical wise. I just want people to see me and not immediately assume I'm x gender. Thank you for reading I would love to make friends with you all.

Miss_Anonymous Am I asexual?
  • replies: 2

Hey all, wondering if I might be asexual. Basically I never feel sexually attracted to anyone. When I’ve had sex with men I’ve enjoyed it, but there is always that lack of attraction to get over before we get to the act itself. But I do enjoy the act... View more

Hey all, wondering if I might be asexual. Basically I never feel sexually attracted to anyone. When I’ve had sex with men I’ve enjoyed it, but there is always that lack of attraction to get over before we get to the act itself. But I do enjoy the act itself. Four times in my life I have had what I call a girl crush, when I met an older woman who I felt was an amazing person, who I respected and admired, wanted to be like, wanted the approval of, wanted to spend time with etc. These happened more when I was younger (I am 40) but I do have one now. I don’t think they are sexual in nature - one might have gone that way if she had been interested (she wasn’t) but mostly it isn’t like that. I have only had one relationship with a guy, in my early 20s, where I compromised and went out with someone I kinda liked because I was sick of waiting for the fireworks everyone spoke about. Not sure I have ever really fallen in love before but the girl crushes can feel a bit like that because of the infatuation element. The one at the moment is less intense than the previous ones. Most of the time when I meet guys (or women for that matter) I don’t find them anything special and even if I can see they are objectively hot I am not attracted to them. I find plenty of people I’d like to be friends with but very few I feel anything stronger for. Please help, am I asexual, gay or just straight but haven’t met the right guy? thank you!

Gruffudd Gender neutral toilets.
  • replies: 16

This week I made a change to the work toilets. Each consists of a toilet in a room with a door and the basin is in the hall and shared. On the door there were the old male and female figures. With the help of a trusty screwdriver they came off and we... View more

This week I made a change to the work toilets. Each consists of a toilet in a room with a door and the basin is in the hall and shared. On the door there were the old male and female figures. With the help of a trusty screwdriver they came off and were replaced with both male and female figures together with the word unisex below. (best I could get from the sign shop at short notice) I didn't announce the change because I wanted to observe the reaction. I've been people watching since. Most have not changed their behaviour and are using the room they always did. Some have been using whichever takes their fancy. And the other non-binary staff member in the office had an outburst of happy laughter and made use of the one that they had never before been allowed in. No one has said anything yet. I'm hoping to make this a permanent change and am prepared to argue. I have never felt safe in the Male facilities but don't look female so cause consternation going in there. At last somewhere for me where I can pee without anxiety. How are others going with this? any opinions?

Murmur New and...feeling nervous.
  • replies: 8

Hi. Um...not sure where to start. I have been on many forums like this in the past. None were Australian so maybe it'll be easier to find support closer to home. I'm not a big fan of talking about myself but I'll try, just to give you an idea. I am 3... View more

Hi. Um...not sure where to start. I have been on many forums like this in the past. None were Australian so maybe it'll be easier to find support closer to home. I'm not a big fan of talking about myself but I'll try, just to give you an idea. I am 33. Female. Gay (though not feeling much admiration for anyone right now). Artist. Currently studying design. I have a rare genetic disorder and I look "normal" but am in constant pain and too bendy. It takes too long to describe my illness. Maybe I'll talk about it sometime, it is a horrible thing. I have suffered depression, anxiety,panic disorder since I was 9. My parents are hippies who don't believe in psychologists. They left me to my own devices most ofthe time as they were too busy being intellectuals, and my mum was always sick. I have self-harmed since 14 and I have managed not to for 2 years but seem to have started again. I have tried to die...let me see...5 or 6 times now. I am told I am very talented but I don't see how that is relevant when I am not enjoying my life at all. I have just started seeing a new psych and she is lovely. Not sure if she is anything else. As you can probably see, I am very bitter and jaded. I feel very alone, I have always felt very alone, I don't believe I have what it takes to keep friends, let alone anything more serious. Sorry I'm talking in such a stilted way, I'm a bit of a control freak so this is my way of not losing it. Anyhow...yep, I've seen all sides of the mental health industry, and have actually been told by many professionals that I fall into the "too hard box" I'm not sounding very likeable right now, and that's weird because apparently I'm very funny. Oh well. Anyhow....I joined to BB tonight because...because.....I don't know. I need solutions, and care.

Joy_M_Pryde Non binary identity questioning my sexuality
  • replies: 1

Hi all. My name is Joy. I am new to the forums and I'd like to share/vent and ask a few questions. I'm in my late 30s and I came out as non binary to my friends last year and received love, care, affection and attention. I started dressing differentl... View more

Hi all. My name is Joy. I am new to the forums and I'd like to share/vent and ask a few questions. I'm in my late 30s and I came out as non binary to my friends last year and received love, care, affection and attention. I started dressing differently and acted more like myself. I came out a second time to my parents which was awkward to say the least. It was on a drive back from NSW to QLD and sadly after a funeral. It was open partly on my behalf and it seemed well... I took up the non binary baton as it were and started using pronouns she/her/theirs and asked to be called Joy. My parents hated this part. They refuse to call me Joy and get a bit embarrassed seeing me in "women's" clothes. I chose to ignore this but around Xmas time last year my mum said "you can come round just don't step on anyone's toes" I caved in and wore more manly clothes and felt watched, I couldn't be myself. Has anyone ever felt like they've had to hide who they truly are just to survive society and parents? I don't really pass at all (which I hate) I've had a wonderful time using make up and dressing how I want to but it still feels like I'm living out of fear. My trans hero is Anohni, Non Binary hero Genesis P-Orridge. I am who I am I grew up admiring queer celebrities and I love Tegan and Sara, too. I have had one sexual encounter in my life and it was traumatic. I want to take my time with sex, which is why I'm leaning towards demisexual. I had strong sexual feelings for my best friend but was never reciprocated. I don't want to feel like I have to go to nightclubs or hook up. I want a relationship, I long to be loved for all I am and to have a friend for life, call me old fashioned I don't give a $&#@ Are there any online forums or such where I can slowly get to know the wider LGBTQIA+ community? I am shy and instantly feel rejection in new situations. I love music first and foremost, cinema and art, and books. I am finding it increasingly difficult in this day and age to connect. Any suggestions and comments will be greatly appreciated! Joy

4eyesgirl What should I do with homophobic parents
  • replies: 1

Hi I'm 4eyesgirl and I'm newlate last year my friends help me find my sexually and I'm Bi but I have Christian parents and If you know that there. Not supportive what should I do they don't know at the moment and the moment they find out I'm doomed. ... View more

Hi I'm 4eyesgirl and I'm newlate last year my friends help me find my sexually and I'm Bi but I have Christian parents and If you know that there. Not supportive what should I do they don't know at the moment and the moment they find out I'm doomed. What should I do?Thanks 4eyesgirl

Bi_guy 30 yo male, married, bisexual and scared - need help
  • replies: 15

Hi A bit of an introduction. I’m a married bisexual guy and have been with my wife for 10 years. I always knew I was bi-curious but was convinced I was straight because I mainly only had emotional crushes on girls. This all changed ages 27 when I rea... View more

Hi A bit of an introduction. I’m a married bisexual guy and have been with my wife for 10 years. I always knew I was bi-curious but was convinced I was straight because I mainly only had emotional crushes on girls. This all changed ages 27 when I realised I still had a strong sexual desire for guys, almost exclusively Asian guys. It took me another three years to be comfortable identifying as bisexual. My problem is that, I love my wife so much, but I can’t help find I am more sexually attracted to Asian guys. It plays on my mind and I find it hard long term to cope with my primary sexual desire not being my wife. But I am confused because I don’t have much emotional response to guys and I don’t see like I could be with a guy long term and grow old together. My wife and I have built a life together and have a young son. She is at her wits end with my struggles with my sexuality. I just want to know if any other bisexual guys are the same and how do you cope? I find not viewing images or porn of attractive Asian guys helps because it lowers my desire for them. But I can’t help fear that I would be better with an Asian guy and embracing it may help the emotion come. But I don’t want to lose my life and my family on a whim. As you can see, my mind goes back and forth. In short, if there are any bisexual guys who are similar or gone through something similar, I would love to know your thoughts.

Vlora123 My homaphobic mother
  • replies: 2

I am going through a tough time. I just got a girlfriend, and my mum knows about our relationship. My mum isn't happy about it she's saying that I should just be friends with her. My mum was saying she should tell my Psychologist about it. She can't ... View more

I am going through a tough time. I just got a girlfriend, and my mum knows about our relationship. My mum isn't happy about it she's saying that I should just be friends with her. My mum was saying she should tell my Psychologist about it. She can't even stop trying to talk me out of it. I just want her to accept that I'm bisexual. I'm not sure about what my dad thinks of it.