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BeyondBlue Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender Identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental he... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender Identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental health and wellbeing. We welcome all conversations here and want to know how you feel and what has helped you to be your best self. A few important tips and rules for this section are below. What is important is that this is a welcoming, kind and supportive space for everyone. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ+) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ+ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ+ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ+ space. Thank you and welcome Beyond Blue

MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 224

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

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Riggybee Is there a nice way to tell a friend 'grow up' or should I put an end to things? Help!!
  • replies: 2

Hi, currently in year 12 and one of my close friends since year 8 is really bugging me. She spends a lot of time whinging about how stressed she is about school and how she wishes should could go home and how unfair everything is (like wearing a unif... View more

Hi, currently in year 12 and one of my close friends since year 8 is really bugging me. She spends a lot of time whinging about how stressed she is about school and how she wishes should could go home and how unfair everything is (like wearing a uniform or having to go to class - I don't see this as a big deal). It's really draining and I always feel like crap, so have been kind of avoiding her, which makes me feel worse. Sometimes I think she's doing it because she doesn't know what to say and is filling in space, but then wouldn't you ask a question instead? We're graduating in 5 months so I don't really want to rock the boat, plus she's having a really hard time at home (parents separated, mum is unwell) and I don't want to be that crappy friend that ditches someone as soon as things get hard, but shes been getting worse over the last few months. And she keeps asking if I'll still be friends with her after HSC and it wasn't really something I thought about but now it's really irritating me. She's always super loud and defensive and I feel embarrassed for her at times because her reactions are way out of proportion. When it's not so intense I actually enjoy seeing her from time to time but right now am kind of sick of it. Any advice?

Bluejay23 Struggling with being attracted to the same sex while also being a Christian.
  • replies: 4

I identify as a Christian, and my faith is very important to me. I want to be honest and authentic with the people around me, but I struggle with my sexuality. I often don’t want to talk about being gay, but I also don’t want people to assume things,... View more

I identify as a Christian, and my faith is very important to me. I want to be honest and authentic with the people around me, but I struggle with my sexuality. I often don’t want to talk about being gay, but I also don’t want people to assume things, even if they usually guess correctly. My closest friends have said, "It’s not hard to tell about you." Growing up, I didn't have straight male friends because most guys were homophobic. This made me think that all straight guys disliked gay people. However, when I started getting more involved with my wider church denomination, I felt accepted. I made real friendships with straight guys who never questioned my sexuality, and that made me feel free. I'm now at a uni, where most students are Christian and I’ve never felt safer or more comfortable. Most of the negativity I've faced has come from outside the church or even from some distant family members - that really shocks me. My close friend group here at uni is made up of straight guys, and even though we’ve never talked about me being same sex attracted, I still feel secure with them. I haven’t come out to my parents, but I know they love me. I'm just struggling with having to come out when straight people don’t have to. I’m a social person with a big personality and often banter around with everyone, but lately, I’ve started growing crushes on straight guys who have bantered back with me. One guy, in particular, has caught my attention, but I just found out he’s also "talking" to 2 other girls, and that made me feel kinda stupid. I want to stay strong in my Christian faith, but I can’t turn off my feelings. I’m not sure what to do next and would appreciate advice from people who have been in similar situations. PS sorry if this was all over the place!

Confused_gurl My husband just told me he is trans
  • replies: 26

So I have been married for over ten years and have two children with my husband. He told me last week that he feels like a female. I am hoping I am being supportive, asked about pronouns and explored what it means. He doesn't really care about pronou... View more

So I have been married for over ten years and have two children with my husband. He told me last week that he feels like a female. I am hoping I am being supportive, asked about pronouns and explored what it means. He doesn't really care about pronouns right now so when I write he and husband it is on his wishes. But I am so emotionally confused and just want someone to tell me this can work. I am not gay but I love him as a person and think I can still make this work.At the moment we are talking more openly and it feels great.. but he and I work in an environment that I feel if he does transition we will be fired. How do I support him through this without our whole world falling apart. Also how do you tell your kids these things without destroying them (they are 7 and 8). I am going to see a doctor next week to explore therapy and so is he but I guess what I am after is success stories... So yeah... That is my full on news...

julzkleigh Am I Gay or Trans
  • replies: 8

I'm confused!Am I Gay or Trans?I accepted that i was and am gay after all these years but the past few years and now I'm leaning more trans?help please

I'm confused!Am I Gay or Trans?I accepted that i was and am gay after all these years but the past few years and now I'm leaning more trans?help please

not_dead_yet I dont think i have my own identity
  • replies: 5

Hi yall, so basically my entire life so far has been my parents telling me what to do. Up until maybe 2 months back i didnt really have any thoughts to myself. If my parents told me i like music and want to do it for a living then i do! And like i re... View more

Hi yall, so basically my entire life so far has been my parents telling me what to do. Up until maybe 2 months back i didnt really have any thoughts to myself. If my parents told me i like music and want to do it for a living then i do! And like i really hate music and just figured that out when my classmate told me i always groan and try to avoid practice during class and i dont do that with most other subjects. The same thing with crushes- my mum likes this guy so that means i do as well. I have always like pants despite my mum always always making me wear dresses- hated that since day 1 and i am a little curious as to why i feel like i am staring at women more than men? I never really had an opinion on my life and im not really sure of what i am even asking on here. Hah i guess i jist need help on like what is going on in my brain and try to make sense of this.

Gh0st_ThePup Is there something wrong with me?
  • replies: 2

I feel like I'm hideous or there's something seriously wrong with me. I've never been a popular guy, I'm disabled, queer, fat, brown and trans; so it's hard for me to make close friends, and I've never been in an actual relationship. The few people w... View more

I feel like I'm hideous or there's something seriously wrong with me. I've never been a popular guy, I'm disabled, queer, fat, brown and trans; so it's hard for me to make close friends, and I've never been in an actual relationship. The few people who've been interested in me have either been WAY older than me (double, sometimes triple my age) or they're "chasers" (people who sleep with trans people for clout). My best friends are in relationships, and I'm really happy for them. They deserve everything and their amazing people. I find it hard to talk to them without feeling awful. Every time they talk about their partners or show affection to them its like I'm punched in the stomach with the reminder that I have no one. They say I'm a catch and that I'm attractive, but I don't know. I'm on "the apps", I try to put myself out there, but nothing happens. The people I match with on Tinder all unmatch as soon as I send a message, and the only responses I get are for people trying to get me to join their MLMs...I just feel like I'm broken. I'm so tired of being alone. I know I'm not a ten, but I'm not completely unfortunate looking, people always say that "I'm such a great guy" and "I'll make someone really happy one day" I just wish that day would come sooner. I don't want to feel jealous anymore, I'm just tired of watching everyone around me be happy and in love when I'm always hanging around the back. I'm tired of jokes being made at my expense just because I'm single. I'm just tired and alone and I don't want to be.

SJR4001 Questioning Sexuality
  • replies: 1

I’m writing this because I’m standing at the edge of something that feels like it could change my entire life and I don’t know how to step forward without hurting a person I love. I’m a married man oof close to 30 years. My wife is kind and loyal. Th... View more

I’m writing this because I’m standing at the edge of something that feels like it could change my entire life and I don’t know how to step forward without hurting a person I love. I’m a married man oof close to 30 years. My wife is kind and loyal. There’s nothing really “wrong” with our marriage in the obvious sense. And that’s what makes this so terrifying. For a long time, years, if I’m honest, I’ve been questioning my sexuality. I kept telling myself it was a phase, or curiosity, or something I could just manage quietly. But the truth is, the question hasn’t gone away. It’s gotten louder. I’m starting to think I might be gay, not just “a little unsure,” not just bi, but actually gay. Writing that sentence makes my stomach drop. Recently, something happened that forced me to stop pretending this was abstract or theoretical. I’ve made a really good friend who is a gay man. What started as an easy, supportive friendship has grown into something much heavier for me. I’ve developed strong feelings for him, feelings that surprised me with their intensity and clarity.I’ve tried to keep firm boundaries, but emotionally it’s been confronting. The connection feels different from anything I’ve allowed myself to acknowledge before and it’s made my questions about my sexuality impossible to ignore. I don’t have everything figured out. I don’t know exactly what this means for my future, my marriage, or my identity. What I do know is that continuing to live as if none of this is real feels increasingly dishonest, especially toward my wife. And that feels like its own kind of betrayal. I’m considering telling her and that thought alone feels like it could split my life into a before and an after. I’m scared of devastating her. I’m scared of losing the life we built. I’m also scared that if I don’t face this honestly, I’ll slowly disappear inside the marriage and become someone resentful, distant, or numb. I’m not asking for permission to walk away, I’m trying to understand whether honesty, even when it threatens everything, is still the right thing. If you’ve realized you were gay while married, or if you’ve had to tell a partner something that fundamentally changed your relationship: How did you know it was time to speak?How did you balance honesty with compassion?Did telling the truth ultimately lead to more damage or more integrity? I feel like I’m choosing between two kinds of loss, and I don’t know which one I can live with. Any perspective would mean a lot.

Guest_28589019 NEED SOME ADVICE
  • replies: 4

Hi ive recently been informed that my adult son of 29 who is married, has 2 children one aged 2 and one aged 7 weeks has secretly dressing as a woman , his wife has known about this and has asked him to stop. He has started lying, about his activity ... View more

Hi ive recently been informed that my adult son of 29 who is married, has 2 children one aged 2 and one aged 7 weeks has secretly dressing as a woman , his wife has known about this and has asked him to stop. He has started lying, about his activity and has now posted photos online and his,wife has caught him out. The trust has obviously been broken in the marriage and having 2 small children my daughter n law is angry, hurt , stressed. My son has advised he knows he has in his words messed up and can seem stop doing this, he wants to get help to repair his marriage. Im dealing with the shock of this announcement and am struggling to give the advice that they both need. Ive suggested counselling, ive told my son I love him and support him and want to help him, and I also want to do this for my daughter n law as well , I just dont know where I can get the information, help organisations etc to support them both. Any help or suggestions would help immensely as I navigate through this difficult situation within my family

BMan40 Can anyone relate??
  • replies: 1

Hi there, Just wondering if there are any other men, husbands and fathers who are in a heterosexual relationship but are very attracted to other men when your out in public?And if you find yourself checking out other guys are you feeling guilty and u... View more

Hi there, Just wondering if there are any other men, husbands and fathers who are in a heterosexual relationship but are very attracted to other men when your out in public?And if you find yourself checking out other guys are you feeling guilty and upset internally because you feel you shouldn't be attracted to the same sex, as your in a heterosexual relationship??Do you guys feel like your brain is constantly fighting with itself to stay on track then your eyes see something they like, then your in two minds??Please reach out to me.It's a hard situation to navigate.Bman40

Isme1234 Am I gay
  • replies: 4

I am so confused! for the past few years my labido has reduced. partially from prostate cancer treated with radiation. and partly from lost trust due to ex wife’s infidelities. before that i was a very sexual person. i did have my curiosity for same ... View more

I am so confused! for the past few years my labido has reduced. partially from prostate cancer treated with radiation. and partly from lost trust due to ex wife’s infidelities. before that i was a very sexual person. i did have my curiosity for same sex and after a few years of being single I gave in and tried sex with another man. the physical side was beyond amazing however I could not get that emotional connection. i am now remarried years later to opposite gender and love the intimacy however I don’t seem to be able to be aroused with her. I have seen specialist and have been told it’s all in my head so that leaves me to question myself AM I GAY???

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