Sexuality and gender identity

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MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 216

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

Chris_B IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section
  • replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe spa... View more

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

All discussions

Mc_fluffy Rural gay man with brain disease not feeling heard
  • replies: 3

This is not needing a response, rather is vent into the digital universe. I'm new here. As a gay man in a rural area I feel left out not only for my sexuality, but also due complex chronic health issues. Brain disease, frequent seizures, lupus, bone ... View more

This is not needing a response, rather is vent into the digital universe. I'm new here. As a gay man in a rural area I feel left out not only for my sexuality, but also due complex chronic health issues. Brain disease, frequent seizures, lupus, bone issues that result in frequent broken bones. I feel invisible. My health means I cannot drive so need to travel by bus 8 hours for medical appointments. Recently I attended a GP in our town and was yelled at in the waiting room for being an AIDS carrier in front of people waiting. As someone who has a physical reactive, responsive brain, I feel neglected, ignored, and patronised in many ways. Sometimes the physical changes in my brain result in socially unacceptable physical responses. A seizure in public will most likely result in urinating and pooing myself. A recent seizure in an airport was treated as if a threat and Fed Police activated. While being treated in soiled clothes by emergency responders and carted off to ER. Beyond that there are additional issues of significant injuries and scaring the heck out of nearby strangers. Gawkers and busy bodies, I have found videos of myself seizing and being treated on the internet. Often seizures or uncontrolled physical changes in brain responses can result in visits to the ER and run the risk of being placed in an induced coma or at the extreme death. A different seizure not long recently resulted in fractured vertebra. Recovery can take hours, days, weeks to become lucid. I am finding it increasingly difficult to be cordial or appropriate when people offer dismissive, patronising sympathies or support… “focus on the good things… it will be alright… etc”. It is not good, and it will never ever be alright! Those of us with severe structural brain differences or decline need to look at these issues straight on, directly into the face. Trying to offer glib responses makes it worse. Damage to the brain can result in learning and adaptive difficulties, being compared with causes harm and is deflating. I feel my concerns of mental “emotional” welfare is being swamped by other forms of expression or needs. I need a psychiatrist, however they are like hens teeth. Again this is not needing a response, just venting and shaking my fists into the sky…

GeminiLion Where to find self-help resources
  • replies: 1

Seeking self-help resources in general. I find plenty of reports, generic information, or story-telling. But no success in finding proper self-help resources (e.g how to analyse and stragedies for self-help). Some under 25 target audience sites touch... View more

Seeking self-help resources in general. I find plenty of reports, generic information, or story-telling. But no success in finding proper self-help resources (e.g how to analyse and stragedies for self-help). Some under 25 target audience sites touch on questioning, being comfortable and coping but only at introduction level. I am looking for "solid resources" for self-help (not the fuzzy-feel but solid strategies to overcome issues like internal phobia, sexuality isolation, sex anxiety for older person etc). Global resources or further library psychology reading accepted.

maddietige 16 teen girl and confused anxiety or is it denial.
  • replies: 7

Hi i’m a 16 year old girl and I have always thought as myself to be straight, having crushes, butterflies and fantasies towards boys has always been a thing. Although, I attend an all girls school and contact with boys is limited. I have never had a ... View more

Hi i’m a 16 year old girl and I have always thought as myself to be straight, having crushes, butterflies and fantasies towards boys has always been a thing. Although, I attend an all girls school and contact with boys is limited. I have never had a boyfriend or kissed a guy just crushes and talking stages. All the other girls in my friend group see any hot guy and automatically fetish over him whereas I do this sometimes. I've got two older brothers and a male dominated family so idk I always felt like that was why. A few months ago I was told that at the start of year 7 a few people thought I was a lesbian. To be honest, my mum was sick at the time and my brothers and dad were just trying to raise me and get me through. So hair and make up just wasn't a thing. I was also kind of a tomboy. I kinda just went "oh i'm not" and moved on. Ever since then it's really gotten to me. I've never crushed, dreamt about or had any urges to kiss a girl etc. My friend group have never brought it up to me, and in the moment when they heard people thought that they were shocked. My problem is, a girl that is apart of the LGBTQ community thought it.The problem is because people thought I was lesbian i just can't get it out of my head. (I suffer from a disorder where intrusive thoughts and anxiety are common side effects) I mainly started to question when I heard some of my friends talking about wether this person was gay or not. Mainly because one of the girls that thought I was Lesbian in year 7 is gay. I started thinking "omg what if i'm gay and don't know it because she thought I was and what if I've just never met the right girl". Because of this I've been constantly going onto places like quora, tiktok and forums. Reading up on hocd, denial and all different sexualities. I have alot of the same things factors of hocd, which im happy to talk about. It's been months of this googling and crying. Its honestly scared me, ive seen tiktoks saying "if you thought about it more than three times, your gay" and things about "everyone knowing I was gay before I did". Its honestly freaking me out. I've now started to blush when I see girls on my tiktok and I have a few times when my friends have touched me. I am even analysing moments in the past now too. PLS HELP!

sbella02 How did you realise you were LGBTQIA+?
  • replies: 18

I've always replied to threads but never created one myself, so here goes. I have many queer friends, and I love hearing their stories about how and when they realised their sexuality. So I'm opening up the question to people: if you're comfortable s... View more

I've always replied to threads but never created one myself, so here goes. I have many queer friends, and I love hearing their stories about how and when they realised their sexuality. So I'm opening up the question to people: if you're comfortable sharing, when did you first realise you were part of the LGBTQIA+ community? I went to an all-girls school and never really had any contact with boys until I was about 14/15, but I never thought that experiencing attraction to girls was possible for me. When I was probably about 11 or 12, I remember that there was one girl in my class who was new, and I just really wanted to be her friend for some reason. I couldn't explain why, but I just really wanted her to like me and be friends with me. I've now recognised that this is a common experience for closeted queer women. It wasn't until I was 16 when I first started experiencing feelings towards a girl. I kept asking myself "is this a crush? these are feelings that I usually have towards boys, why am I feeling this towards a girl?". It was a strange time for me as I slowly came to realise that maybe, just maybe, I wasn't straight. I ended up coming out a year or two later to my sister, who is also queer. We had never really discussed our feelings towards the LGBTQIA+ community so didn't know how each other would react. But when one of us expressed our feelings, it was quite a pleasant surprise when the other one did too. I have since become quite open about my bisexuality. I have a little rainbow in my Instagram bio, I have many queer friends and we all like sharing in our attraction towards hot celebrities and our similar queer experiences. It's interesting that since I've immersed myself in the community, I've become quite enamoured with queer experiences, so much so that I intend to carry this passion into my career, and pursue it as a potential research avenue. I would love to work with children and adolescents in future, and to be able to be an advocate specifically for LGBTQIA+ children and teens would be so fulfilling. What's your experience of realising your identity? What's your story of coming out? I'd love to hear from fellow Beyond Blue LGBTQIA+ people. SB

murraybakersydney Gay Male and lacking a sense of belonging
  • replies: 2

Hi, just reaching out to see if anyone feels similar to the way I do about being gay and feeling a sense of belonging. Essentially, I don't (feel a sense of belonging). I'm a gay male, 40, white, with a partner of 18 years, in a suburb close to the c... View more

Hi, just reaching out to see if anyone feels similar to the way I do about being gay and feeling a sense of belonging. Essentially, I don't (feel a sense of belonging). I'm a gay male, 40, white, with a partner of 18 years, in a suburb close to the city that has a lot of other gay people (but not exclusively). I feel like a little gay sheep living a world of straight wolves, and yet I feel excluded by the other sheep because my wool isn't blue and sequined. I don't feel connected to "the scene" anymore. It's expensive, nothing ever changes (no, changing from midnight shift to universal is not what I call "change"), I feel like I don't fit in because I don't look EXACTLY like a typical twink, nor a bear, nor a muscle-guy. I'm just me and that feels not good enough, no place for me. I don't feel a place in the wider LGBTIQ etc community either. More and more I'm feeling excluded for being a gay man as opposed to a more diverse sexuality or gender, and it feels like one is only welcome in the community if they are anything other than a gay white man PLUS you must also be gender diverse PLUS you must also be non-white PLUS ideally you must also have a disability of some kind. I'm not asking for the "spotlight on me please", I'm just asking to feel like there is place for me in the rainbow community, which is the closest thing I've felt to a sene of belonging, ever. Anyone else feeling like this?

R.Penn Breakup and feeling isolated
  • replies: 8

Hi all, I am feeling a bit isolated and wanted to see if anyone could relate or have some ideas I hadn’t thought of yet in regards to my situation: I am 34 and unemployed waiting for NDIS to approve my application, I am ASD and ADHD. I also have PTSD... View more

Hi all, I am feeling a bit isolated and wanted to see if anyone could relate or have some ideas I hadn’t thought of yet in regards to my situation: I am 34 and unemployed waiting for NDIS to approve my application, I am ASD and ADHD. I also have PTSD. I also applied for creative writing at uni to keep busy and hear from them this week hopefully.So…I broke up with my bf of 2 years on the weekend, it wasn’t like a “new year new me thing” it’s just been on and off between us and he deserves less confusion and not to be put on hold. I am the problem as I have dated and had relationships with only women until I met him, we are both non binary and we share really good friendship. I do still feel like I am 95% gay for women and he makes the other 5% as I have never really found men attractive but shared more emotional connections as friends. He feels a lot stronger feelings for me but I have always felt pressured into a relationship with him from the start and I decided after living together and his family pushing my boundaries this Christmas, I am uncomfortable and think we are better as friends and support for one another. Our share house is not ideal either which has been effecting me, we live with an older man that won’t move out and he is inconsiderate and mean, mysgonist to every female that has lived here and passive aggressive. I see my psychologist in 3 weeks but I feel like not much has changed just the fact I communicated what I wanted. We would both like to move, but my support network is in Melbourne (only one good friend down there) but I can’t leave him here with the housemate we live with as he gets bullied by him. I feel attached still and do not really know where to go from here. I feel lost in my life still and unsure what to do with myself on a day to day basis being unemployed and spending too much time around the home will not be good for me while we live together I think. The housing situation in Queensland is so bad still and I do feel really stuck and trapped. I do hope 2024 proves to be easier for everyone and we can make some lgbt family friends and connection somehow

Luke84 Gender Dysphoria, what do I do?
  • replies: 4

I’m lost… I’ve been married for 15 years, we have a 14 year old daughter and now for some reason I feel stronger than ever about my gender dysphoria.It’s not like it’s a sudden occurrence, I’ve felt this way for as long as I can remember, maybe aroun... View more

I’m lost… I’ve been married for 15 years, we have a 14 year old daughter and now for some reason I feel stronger than ever about my gender dysphoria.It’s not like it’s a sudden occurrence, I’ve felt this way for as long as I can remember, maybe around 13 or 14, but growing up in a more traditional family I just pushed it to the side and thought I was just a weirdo for thinking that about myself. I had girlfriends and I do like women, I just tried to do what I thought I was supposed to do throughout life.Before I knew it I was married and a year later we had a daughter.Every year or so I have a relapse and get a strong desire to be more feminine but I always end up telling myself off on the inside and then try to forget about it.However for the past 2 years I just let myself accept some of the more feminine traits while keeping it somewhat disguised.For work I often have a night away from home, roughly once or twice a fortnight, recently I’ve been becoming more and more upset thinking about it and often when on those overnights alone I find myself tearing up thinking about all the people who would get hurt if I told them my true feelings, while at the same time I’m hurting myself every day I try to keep my feelings suppressed. The tears are not just for my family but myself as well.I’m really lost and don’t know what I should do, if I should even do anything. I don’t know if my wife has a clue or not? I mean my clothing choices have changed a little, like wearing tights and shaving but I don’t think she really cares about that stuff. She did wonder why I’ve been using so many new types of skin care products, and why I’ve started to grow my hair out but I always just create a story and deflect the topic. I’m nearly 40 years old and don’t know if I can suppress these feeling forever without driving myself crazy. What makes it harder is she is a devout religious Christian and I know she will never understand, I’m not religious (anymore), I wasn’t religious when we met and got married either. She was a new Christian when we married, I’d go to church with her to support her, over the years she has become a very very strong Christian!I have decided that I should tell her, she deserves that much at least. Should I… I don’t know! I’m just looking for advice, what can I do and where can I go? I don’t want to dump all this baggage on her straight away, maybe there is something I can say to ease in the information in a gradual way so we can both cope…or say nothing?

RedGracie My Husband has Gender Dysphoria
  • replies: 7

A year ago my husband told me he likes to wear woman’s cloths. He kept this secret from me for 9 years and I know it was hard for him to tell me and he felt ashamed but I felt and still feel so betrayed that he kept this from me. At the time I asked ... View more

A year ago my husband told me he likes to wear woman’s cloths. He kept this secret from me for 9 years and I know it was hard for him to tell me and he felt ashamed but I felt and still feel so betrayed that he kept this from me. At the time I asked all the questions; are you gay? Do you want to me female? Etc he answered no to both. A month ago he tells me he is now confused about his gender and as of last week has gender dysphoria. He’s going to counseling to try to figure everything out. I do want him to be happy but I don’t know how to deal with this. We hardly talk, no intimacy for over a year and can barely look at each other. I can’t carry on like this. He says he still loves me but I think that’s more of a familiar love than as someone should love a wife. And I don’t love him like a husband now, I can’t love a man who doesn’t know if he wants to be a man now. He’s changed so much and is not the person I married. Im at a total loss of what to do, if we split up there’s finances and pets. If we stay I am in a loveless marriage to a man who can’t touch me and I need to feel wanted as selfish as that may sound. I’ve considered breaching open marriage with him but I don’t know how to say this. Everything is so messed up, I feel alone with no one to talk to. It can’t carry on like this. If anyone has been through this or has any advice I would appreciate it more than you realise.

ceres in love with my best friend
  • replies: 10

I am a bisexual girl in high school, and I think I am in love with my best friend. I am *pretty* sure that she is gay; she's said some things that make it quite obvious, but since she hasn't technically come out to me, I'm can't be completely sure. I... View more

I am a bisexual girl in high school, and I think I am in love with my best friend. I am *pretty* sure that she is gay; she's said some things that make it quite obvious, but since she hasn't technically come out to me, I'm can't be completely sure. I only started liking her this year, but we've been friends for four years now, and we're really close. I would rather be her friend than be nothing at all, and I'm afraid that if I talk to her about it, and the feeling isn't reciprocated, it won't be the same between us. To complicate things further, me, her and another girl are a trio friendship group, and I'm concerned that if we do get together, the dynamic in our group will change in a bad way. Also, what if we break up and then we aren't friends? I just don't know what to do. do nothing? tell her? I'm not sure if I could deal with being rejected by her, but I really want to be with her in a romantic way. any advice would be appreciated!

Johnny7790 Alot of hate against me
  • replies: 1

Hi my name is Johnny I have been going through some hard time I have had some mental health breakdown I haven't been myself lately I need some help

Hi my name is Johnny I have been going through some hard time I have had some mental health breakdown I haven't been myself lately I need some help