Sexuality and gender identity

Peer support and conversations about anxiety, depression and other issues in the mental health space affecting LGBTQI+ people.

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MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 212

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

Chris_B IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section
  • replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe spa... View more

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

All discussions

Shelbygamer help with identity
  • replies: 1

My name is shelby im in year 7. I have severe depression and bpd... HELP. every day i feel opressed by my peers and religoius family. its because they dont understand how i really feel. Recently i have been questioning my identity and when i finally ... View more

My name is shelby im in year 7. I have severe depression and bpd... HELP. every day i feel opressed by my peers and religoius family. its because they dont understand how i really feel. Recently i have been questioning my identity and when i finally find one that i think suits me all im met with is slander. But it really feels like me i just dont get why they cant accept me. Ive always felt like im not a human but nobody gets what i mean. I have always felt like i was some kind of different animal, maybe in a past life, such as a goblin. I have tried joining my schools LGBTQ+ club but when i told them how i feel they all treated me as a joke and i no longer want to go there anymore. I feel so lost when nobody else understands the way i feel. All i want is to be able to find another person like me, who feels like a goblin. My dream in life is to be around other people who feel like me and... maybe make a goblin clan that would be great. Im sorry if everyone thinks im weird here i just dont know where else to go when every other place has shut me out... send me your suggestions as to how i can manage please

Bi_guy 30 yo male, married, bisexual and scared - need help
  • replies: 12

Hi A bit of an introduction. I’m a married bisexual guy and have been with my wife for 10 years. I always knew I was bi-curious but was convinced I was straight because I mainly only had emotional crushes on girls. This all changed ages 27 when I rea... View more

Hi A bit of an introduction. I’m a married bisexual guy and have been with my wife for 10 years. I always knew I was bi-curious but was convinced I was straight because I mainly only had emotional crushes on girls. This all changed ages 27 when I realised I still had a strong sexual desire for guys, almost exclusively Asian guys. It took me another three years to be comfortable identifying as bisexual. My problem is that, I love my wife so much, but I can’t help find I am more sexually attracted to Asian guys. It plays on my mind and I find it hard long term to cope with my primary sexual desire not being my wife. But I am confused because I don’t have much emotional response to guys and I don’t see like I could be with a guy long term and grow old together. My wife and I have built a life together and have a young son. She is at her wits end with my struggles with my sexuality. I just want to know if any other bisexual guys are the same and how do you cope? I find not viewing images or porn of attractive Asian guys helps because it lowers my desire for them. But I can’t help fear that I would be better with an Asian guy and embracing it may help the emotion come. But I don’t want to lose my life and my family on a whim. As you can see, my mind goes back and forth. In short, if there are any bisexual guys who are similar or gone through something similar, I would love to know your thoughts.

Belle46 What if ur parents don't like LGBQIA+ people but u think u might be bi
  • replies: 2

[ Female, straight to bi ]The thing about having chinese parents is that they never quite understand the pride people. Once I heard them talking about it, all my mom says is things like, " they're disgusting", "why whould anyone be that?". My dad's n... View more

[ Female, straight to bi ]The thing about having chinese parents is that they never quite understand the pride people. Once I heard them talking about it, all my mom says is things like, " they're disgusting", "why whould anyone be that?". My dad's not any better. I'm not saying I shouldn't respect them, but just the way the call 'pride' struck me like a lighting over and over again... problem is I'm bi, or a bi who's terrified to tell her parents about it a bi who's also got quite a lot of other mental problems ( anxiety, depression, and many more )

_Lee_ Gender confusion, questioning, depression - my 15yo
  • replies: 2

My 15yo son has spiralled into a deep depression and has started self harming himself. Today he asked if I would support him if he was gay/bi/whatever via email and I said that I might struggle with it but I would always love him no matter what. I th... View more

My 15yo son has spiralled into a deep depression and has started self harming himself. Today he asked if I would support him if he was gay/bi/whatever via email and I said that I might struggle with it but I would always love him no matter what. I think he is going to say he is trans - but I'm not sure if he is or not. You see, his greatest and best friend came out as trans mtf about a year ago and has been sooooo much happier. I have never considered my son may be trans too (?I don't even know what I would think I'd be seeing). I feel like my son has been depressed for some time and I wonder if perhaps he's taking on some of the 'happier identity' of his best friend to try to help him feel happier too? So maybe questioning? Maybe asexual? Pansexual? Gay/bi??? I am hoping that he's not been influenced to try to feel a particular way by his best friend as I want my son to be true to himself, and to be happy again. I don't care if he's trans or not but I worry that maybe he's either 'taking on' the friends identity or even that his best friend is encouraging him to 'try to be trans' when he is just depressed and lost at the moment. I've probably put this all wrong, and been horribly offensive but I just want him to find a way out of his depression (with qualified help of course) and to be true to himself no matter who he is. I am trying to think of it in a different way too - so, would someone who was depressed and possibly gay maybe be influenced by a best friend who is straight and happy? Would the depressed person maybe 'try' to be straight in order to try to be happy? Am I just totally full of rubbish here? I'm so genuinely sorry if this hasn't come out right, but my child is hurting horribly and I just want them to be supported to find their own path.

LittleBeanLad Confused and fed up lol
  • replies: 3

So I'll get straight to the point. I'm still a minor, but I'm pretty sure I'm asexual (and maybe aromantic but im not quite sure yet). My parents are homophobic. Not outrightly so, and they'd deny it if you ever accused them, but they're always subtl... View more

So I'll get straight to the point. I'm still a minor, but I'm pretty sure I'm asexual (and maybe aromantic but im not quite sure yet). My parents are homophobic. Not outrightly so, and they'd deny it if you ever accused them, but they're always subtly hating on LGBT and making mean jokes and sly digs at the whole thing. My mum goes through my social media from time to time, and I know she reads through my text messages (which I find very unsettling and frustrating but I dont want to confront her about it) so I just dont feel like I have a real safe space where I can talk to my friends about stuff except at school. But its currently school holidays so I cant chat to them either. This probably sounds pretty trivial and all over the place, but its really getting me down and I just dont know what to do anymore. Ive only gotten over some really bad depression in the last year, but it sometimes comes back up and I feel like i cant really ask my parents to let me have therapy sessions again because I've already 'gotten over it', but honestly i could really use it and ive got a whole lotta other crap I want to have someone to talk to about. I love my parents, but at the moment, im just avoiding them as much as i can and its making me miserable. I dunno what to do.

FiremanSam Where do I get the courage from to come out as Gay
  • replies: 4

Hi 50plus married Firefighter. I know i was gay in my teens, but because of the pressures and hatred of Gay people back in the 60's,70's,80's and 90's and also lack of internet I live my life as a 'straight' man.. It was just easier. My parents, espe... View more

Hi 50plus married Firefighter. I know i was gay in my teens, but because of the pressures and hatred of Gay people back in the 60's,70's,80's and 90's and also lack of internet I live my life as a 'straight' man.. It was just easier. My parents, especially my Dad was homophobic, and thought gay people had a sickness.. O ver the years ,after i got married the first time ,the true me started to surface and i hated myself for it.. But after a long time accepted who I was. But being married i just could come out. Then when that marriage broke down , I for some reason started dating more women.. Even though i had started to come out to some family and close friends.. Any I followed my usual routine and ended up marrying again.It's been 4 years now and my yearning for men is at an all time high.. I have promised myself that i will never cheat on my wife,and i will stand by that.. Although I am on a couple of gay sites and chat to some guys( I know still being dishonest and technically cheat).. What do I do? I love my wife and i know coming out in the fire brigade wont be easy.. Thanks

MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 212

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

Dean_Dharug I feel trapped in Adelaide
  • replies: 9

The name says it all, really. I live in Adelaide; I have all my life. That said, I’ve never once been happy living here - I’ve wanted to live in the States ideally; somewhere where there was a vibrant LGBT scene and a nightlife, and where it catered ... View more

The name says it all, really. I live in Adelaide; I have all my life. That said, I’ve never once been happy living here - I’ve wanted to live in the States ideally; somewhere where there was a vibrant LGBT scene and a nightlife, and where it catered to all ages. Here it feels like there’s barely anything. Most of my friends are also located in the US, so that’s a major determining factor, too (I know it’s not exactly a welcome or safe space for LGBT people, but it’s where it feels like all the opportunities are). A friend of mine suggested moving to Melbourne, but…I don’t want to - I’ve always dreamed of being in the US (that dream has since become somewhat impossible due to issues with a past ex - TLDR: I can’t imagine going anywhere else other than his State and doing a road trip, but that isn’t possible with how things are right now). Even if I wanted to live in Melbourne, I can’t just “jump in blind”, and the friends I have in Melbourne are either unable or unwilling to help me. They say “spend a week or two here to see how you like it and if it suits” and then also go “we can’t accommodate, though”. It’s understandable and reasonable, but it’s just…frustrating. To top it all off, my mum passed recently, so I need to try and organise the house to possibly rent room (or the whole thing), especially if I decide to move. Right now…I’m just worried about time passing and me getting older. I don’t want to “age-gate” anything, but I also am aware that certain scenes agave certain “acceptable” age brackets. I could probably do Melbourne relatively soon, but the States has me existentially despairing. If I want to get there, I need to heal myself so I can approach my ex (who still says he’s up for being friends), then I’d need to develop that friendship to the point of asking if I could visit add it be acceptable, then I’d need to plan… I’ve wanted to do this for years, but I’ve only recently been able to…and even now I still can’t. I keep thinking “if only I’d known about how my ex felt sooner” (basically he was pretending he was okay and just being polite so he wouldn’t be “the bad guy” in the situation) then I could’ve started that process sooner, so I wouldn’t be looking at such a long road ahead. So…yeah: I want to get out of Adelaide, but I don’t really have a definitive end goal. People say Melbourne but that’s what they want me to want; I’ve always wanted the States, but can’t even consider going there now…all whilst I’m stuck here.

ceres in love with my best friend
  • replies: 8

I am a bisexual girl in high school, and I think I am in love with my best friend. I am *pretty* sure that she is gay; she's said some things that make it quite obvious, but since she hasn't technically come out to me, I'm can't be completely sure. I... View more

I am a bisexual girl in high school, and I think I am in love with my best friend. I am *pretty* sure that she is gay; she's said some things that make it quite obvious, but since she hasn't technically come out to me, I'm can't be completely sure. I only started liking her this year, but we've been friends for four years now, and we're really close. I would rather be her friend than be nothing at all, and I'm afraid that if I talk to her about it, and the feeling isn't reciprocated, it won't be the same between us. To complicate things further, me, her and another girl are a trio friendship group, and I'm concerned that if we do get together, the dynamic in our group will change in a bad way. Also, what if we break up and then we aren't friends? I just don't know what to do. do nothing? tell her? I'm not sure if I could deal with being rejected by her, but I really want to be with her in a romantic way. any advice would be appreciated!

georgiegirl462 Feeling torn
  • replies: 2

Hi my name is georgiegirl462. I am 60, married with a transgender daughter. Her father and I are thrilled that she has finally discovered herself (four years ago at the age of 33). She is planning to have the op but she has to go to Canberra and we a... View more

Hi my name is georgiegirl462. I am 60, married with a transgender daughter. Her father and I are thrilled that she has finally discovered herself (four years ago at the age of 33). She is planning to have the op but she has to go to Canberra and we are in se qld. I was worried that she would be by herself for up to 2 weeks, one in hospital and one in a motel while she recovers. She has asked me to come down and be with her for one night while she gets from hospital to motel. Her father, my husband, has had a chronic pain disability for 30 years. He is mostly house bound and struggles to be be by himself. I work 3 days a week. I see my family rarely as they live in NSW and when I go to visit by myself, he needs carers to come in during the day. I had to say no to my daughter. She is very upset and can't understand why I choose her second over her father. I am torn, I so desperately want to go down to be with her but my husband is devastated at the thought of being left alone (depression, abandonment issues, fear of what could go wrong while I'm away, worried I may have to stay longer). She has no one else to turn to.