Sexuality and gender identity

Peer support and conversations about anxiety, depression and other issues in the mental health space affecting LGBTQI+ people.

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MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 212

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

Chris_B IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section
  • replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe spa... View more

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

All discussions

asianaussie Is there something wrong with me feeling curious about sex and sexuality?
  • replies: 3

I am 25 years old, still a virgin. I am also bisexual. I have grown up (and still live with) a conservative Christian family who are very strict and touchy with anything that goes their beliefs. From clothes to interests, career and relationship choi... View more

I am 25 years old, still a virgin. I am also bisexual. I have grown up (and still live with) a conservative Christian family who are very strict and touchy with anything that goes their beliefs. From clothes to interests, career and relationship choices, etc. Although I left the church 2 years ago, it is still a huge struggle for me to really be able to be myself. This includes finding relationships and socialising, engaging in the things typical teens/youth do. Lately I've really been wanting to experiment sexually and have been making efforts through what I wear, going to the gym to lose weight and get toned. Out f curiosity I've visited a strip club just to mingle with strippers/dancers, I've even gone to the point where I've been looking for escorts to go date and have sex with, even start a relationship with. So far, no one knows this thankfully. I know this is morally disgraceful, that this is risky and 'bad' for my future, my reputation. But honestly, after having lived so many years being told 'don't dress, don't do/say this', 'don't sin', I just want to be free and truly embrace independence. I'm sick of having to be the good girl, 'waiting for the right man' and settling down. When I see couples (especially lesbian couples), I can't help but feel jealousy and resentment. I have kept to myself for so long, because it feels like people will judge and criminalise me for wanting to be free sexually. I am at a loss on what to do. Any advice/experiences?

sbella02 How did you realise you were LGBTQIA+?
  • replies: 17

I've always replied to threads but never created one myself, so here goes. I have many queer friends, and I love hearing their stories about how and when they realised their sexuality. So I'm opening up the question to people: if you're comfortable s... View more

I've always replied to threads but never created one myself, so here goes. I have many queer friends, and I love hearing their stories about how and when they realised their sexuality. So I'm opening up the question to people: if you're comfortable sharing, when did you first realise you were part of the LGBTQIA+ community? I went to an all-girls school and never really had any contact with boys until I was about 14/15, but I never thought that experiencing attraction to girls was possible for me. When I was probably about 11 or 12, I remember that there was one girl in my class who was new, and I just really wanted to be her friend for some reason. I couldn't explain why, but I just really wanted her to like me and be friends with me. I've now recognised that this is a common experience for closeted queer women. It wasn't until I was 16 when I first started experiencing feelings towards a girl. I kept asking myself "is this a crush? these are feelings that I usually have towards boys, why am I feeling this towards a girl?". It was a strange time for me as I slowly came to realise that maybe, just maybe, I wasn't straight. I ended up coming out a year or two later to my sister, who is also queer. We had never really discussed our feelings towards the LGBTQIA+ community so didn't know how each other would react. But when one of us expressed our feelings, it was quite a pleasant surprise when the other one did too. I have since become quite open about my bisexuality. I have a little rainbow in my Instagram bio, I have many queer friends and we all like sharing in our attraction towards hot celebrities and our similar queer experiences. It's interesting that since I've immersed myself in the community, I've become quite enamoured with queer experiences, so much so that I intend to carry this passion into my career, and pursue it as a potential research avenue. I would love to work with children and adolescents in future, and to be able to be an advocate specifically for LGBTQIA+ children and teens would be so fulfilling. What's your experience of realising your identity? What's your story of coming out? I'd love to hear from fellow Beyond Blue LGBTQIA+ people. SB

AzzaFromAdelaide Help me understand the "coming out" process
  • replies: 2

Hi all Im new here, so please go gentle. I'm a 30 year old male, and I identify myself as Bi Sexual, but for the most part I'm attracted to men. I'm really struggling to understand the whole Coming Out process. I've been attracted to the same sex for... View more

Hi all Im new here, so please go gentle. I'm a 30 year old male, and I identify myself as Bi Sexual, but for the most part I'm attracted to men. I'm really struggling to understand the whole Coming Out process. I've been attracted to the same sex for 10+ years, my family and friends don't know I'm bisexual but I also I don't feel I'm living a lie as I have never been asked about my sexuality. I really don't want to make a big deal of my sexuality but I feel it's holding me back, I'm not after a big celebration. I think I've been waiting for someone to approach me on this, perhaps it shifts the awkwardness if a friend brings up the topic. Has anyone gone or going through the same situation. I just need some guidance and support. Much love to you all. Aaron

Aussie_Platypus Sick of the hate
  • replies: 12

Having trouble expressing myself but I guess I feel like I’m constantly fighting. Fighting for people to use my pronouns, fighting to be safe, fighting to be loved, fighting to be respected & fighting for kids. I’m a student TA and all the gender bia... View more

Having trouble expressing myself but I guess I feel like I’m constantly fighting. Fighting for people to use my pronouns, fighting to be safe, fighting to be loved, fighting to be respected & fighting for kids. I’m a student TA and all the gender bias in schools is suffocating and I’m an adult! I’m also a Scout Leader and the only out gender fluid one that I know about and the gender stereotypes 🤯. I’m tired and I’m so lost, where do I even start! I know that there is at least 2 kids that are struggling with their identity and they aren’t even comfortable enough to talk to me about it. Stupid small minded little town.

Jafar the Barmecide Wanting to be the Dad his gay son needs.
  • replies: 11

G’day I have drafted this post so many times I can’t remember, please forgive me if I inadvertently say the wrong thing. I admit I need educating. I want to ask permission from the members who post here to ask questions about LGBT+ perspectives. I ha... View more

G’day I have drafted this post so many times I can’t remember, please forgive me if I inadvertently say the wrong thing. I admit I need educating. I want to ask permission from the members who post here to ask questions about LGBT+ perspectives. I have a 17-year-old son who is gay. He has come out to his mother, and he asked her not to tell me because he is afraid that I will reject him or even physically hurt him. This makes me feel enormously guilty and tremendously sad. But he has good reasons. The 21st century is like another world from the time I grew up in, and it has been slow progress I admit, but beliefs can be changed. I am changing my attitude about gay people as part of challenging the societal conditioning I have learned and lived all my life. I love my son unconditionally; I want him to know that. I worry about him so much and I want to protect him. I have had no experience of LGBT+ life, I don’t know anybody who is gay that I can ask, I don’t have any friends to confide in who would understand. I don’t want to lose him, and I want to be part of his life and understand him as he is, not who he is when he is trying to hide his real self from me. The boy is afraid of me and it is my fault. I am to blame. I want to make it right. I am afraid that he won’t ever come out to me unless I tell him that I know. If I do that then I could damage the sacred trust he has in his mother who has, with all good intentions, nevertheless breached that trust by telling me. I don’t want to do that. What is the best way to handle this? How did you come out to your dad? If it went badly then how do wish it would have happened? Should I just ask him, ‘Are you gay?’ and pretend it just crossed my mind for some reason? I have so many questions so I am here to respectfully ask for your help. I am in new territory, and I don’t want to lose him I want to support him and be an ally. Thanks for any advice, corrections or knowledge you might offer

gruidae Hate ramping up - worsening my cptsd
  • replies: 4

I'm really not coping with the escalation in queer and gender diverse people once again being the constant object of debate and discussion in order for a particular party to win an election. I suffered homophobic hate crime as a youngster - it's brin... View more

I'm really not coping with the escalation in queer and gender diverse people once again being the constant object of debate and discussion in order for a particular party to win an election. I suffered homophobic hate crime as a youngster - it's bringing it all up again. Every time there is a phase of our lives being up for heteroseuxal and cissexual people to debate on our legitimacy, violence surely follows. I'm having constant flashbacks to being beaten and raped in the school toilets when I was at highschool. I've seen it mainly coming down on gender diverse afab where it's taken root n the UK and it's making me too scared to leave the house. I know our voices aren't valued in the media, we're just a "big problem"to all cis/hetero people who need us to just disappear. They'll never stop. I'm 52 and it's never stopped. It will never get better, they'll never stop trying to vilify us ,bash us, rape us and destroy us. Any, the only way I'll ever be safe is not be part of the Australian community anymore. All I want is to find a way of forming a queer only community where we only have to have contact with each other and not this violent hateful society Our own businesses that exclude them , our own healthcare which excludes them - everything we need and a way to never have to encounter another people who actually belong out there in the hateful world. I'm so done. I'm sick of hiding in my house because everywhere - cishet people. Turn on the tv - there they are, with all their violence, hate and scare campaigns. How do I escape them? How do I escape this hateful world?

robinrue Struggling with being outed
  • replies: 3

I'm a Year 10 student, I go to an only girl's school, I am bisexual. Growing up I kind of always knew I was gay, I didn't have this massive revelation or came to terms with it I just knew. I was always pretty secretive about it though and still am, w... View more

I'm a Year 10 student, I go to an only girl's school, I am bisexual. Growing up I kind of always knew I was gay, I didn't have this massive revelation or came to terms with it I just knew. I was always pretty secretive about it though and still am, whenever someone directly asks me if I'm wlw I kind of just dance around the topic or change the subject. In year seven, I told one girl that I was gay and that I had a massive crush on a girl in my class (E), and the secret was out in a week.I got pulled out of French class and was told by people they knew I was gay. For the next year I got viciously bullied by EVERYONE in my grade, everyone ignored me, everyone talked shit about me, everyone hated me, but E (the girl I liked) and her friend group was the worst, they made me feel dirty and outcasted. Year 8, things got better, I got friends who were 'mean girls' they meant well, but sometimes they were really hurtful. After year 7 everyone forgot I was gay, my two friends that were 'mean girls' called me on my phone during lockdown and outed me again. I didn't even know how to respond other than 'Yeah I used to like E, but she's kind of annoying and ugly.' There were a few other times where I was nearly outed in art class (because I lied so much about being straight that one of the friends said 'what hold on...aren't you....') and I left before she could say it and cried. In Year 9, Everyone forgot I was gay which was a blessing in disguise. Now in Year 10, pretty much everyone's gay, even the people that outed me, they all forget that they bullied me or even hated me for it. The people who DO remember laugh about it and think its funny. I find it frustrating that they think they can talk on queer struggles when they've always been loved and accepted for their sexuality. They constantly make uncomfortable gay jokes abt them being hate-crimed or something similar. They had the privilege of figuring out their sexuality. Is it weird that I still hold a grudge towards them? That I, as a bisexual, don't group myself with them and I prefer to call myself gay? I think I'm super jealous and resentful towards them for it. It doesn't help that I'm kind of friends with most of the girls who bullied me and have now come out as bisexual now since they've miraculously forgot everything they did to me and other gay kids. I don't want to hate my friends but I still feel like deep down after everything I still hate them for how they treated my year 7 self. idk what to do.

DahliaDaydreams Anxiety to do with potentially being ace or a lesbian?
  • replies: 2

I don’t really know where to start… I’m not sure if this is the right forum. I’ve been questioning my sexuality for quite some time and I’m only mentioning this because I think it may play a role in how I’m feeling right now? A few days ago I went ou... View more

I don’t really know where to start… I’m not sure if this is the right forum. I’ve been questioning my sexuality for quite some time and I’m only mentioning this because I think it may play a role in how I’m feeling right now? A few days ago I went out and kissed someone for the first time, a guy. I immediately felt sick to my stomach and it just felt so wrong, and I felt like I needed to leave immediately. I was freaking out and I thought if I just left the anxiety and panic I felt would go away. Except it hasn’t. Any time I think about it my stomach lurches and I feel like throwing up. I can’t get the thought out of my head of how much I hated it and just did it because I’d heard so many stories that I felt like it was expected. And not only that but the feeling hit me really hard that I’m probably not interested in men at all which has led to another layer of anxiety. This was three days ago now and I’m flinching and get unreasonably scared anytime something reminds me of it and it’s really affecting me negatively. I guess why I’m putting this on here is to ask if this is an ordinary experience, if anyone has any advice as to how to stop the anxiety, and if this could be anything to do with asexuality or something?

TrashPanda2438 I think I'm asexual, but also I'm not?
  • replies: 3

For context I am a bisexual. Hey all. Recently I've been feeling weird about my relationship with sexual attraction. I feel it, and have the urge to act on it. But whenever I do, the feeling dissapears straight away. I don't think I'm asexual, becaus... View more

For context I am a bisexual. Hey all. Recently I've been feeling weird about my relationship with sexual attraction. I feel it, and have the urge to act on it. But whenever I do, the feeling dissapears straight away. I don't think I'm asexual, because I still feel sexual attraction. It's frustrating and the topic is way too embarassing to talk about with friends, family, or a therapist. PLS help! TLDR: Feel sexual attraction until I try to act on it. Why?