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BeyondBlue Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender Identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental he... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender Identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental health and wellbeing. We welcome all conversations here and want to know how you feel and what has helped you to be your best self. A few important tips and rules for this section are below. What is important is that this is a welcoming, kind and supportive space for everyone. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ+) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ+ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ+ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ+ space. Thank you and welcome Beyond Blue

MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 224

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

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bonkberry I fall in love with every person that gets too close to me
  • replies: 2

I'm a girl btw. I've had multiple best friends, and if it got to a point, even if we were strictly platonic, or they weren't LGBT, i'd still somehow want to fall in love with her, be with them the whole day, hugs, kisses & the like etc. Is this norma... View more

I'm a girl btw. I've had multiple best friends, and if it got to a point, even if we were strictly platonic, or they weren't LGBT, i'd still somehow want to fall in love with her, be with them the whole day, hugs, kisses & the like etc. Is this normal help

Ann55 Support groups
  • replies: 2

hello, I live in Brisbane and looking to connect locally with LGBTI community locally - can anyone recommend any groups or resources? Best wishes, Ann

hello, I live in Brisbane and looking to connect locally with LGBTI community locally - can anyone recommend any groups or resources? Best wishes, Ann

Mumofthree Daughter confused with sexuality
  • replies: 2

Hi all, our daughter is almost 17 & told us a 6 weeks ago she’s confused and she thinks she might be attracted to females or maybe Bi. This completely shocked me as she has always had boyfriends & dated her last boyfriend for over 2 years. We have al... View more

Hi all, our daughter is almost 17 & told us a 6 weeks ago she’s confused and she thinks she might be attracted to females or maybe Bi. This completely shocked me as she has always had boyfriends & dated her last boyfriend for over 2 years. We have always talked about boys, sex & everything. I’m finding it really awkward now and I don’t know how to approach conversations differently… I find I still say he’s cute or things like that because I know what boys she liked. We have told her we support her 100% & will always be here for her. Her issue is she doesn’t even know how to explore it to see if the feelings she is having are real. She said how can I be sure if I have never tried it. Does anyone have any suggestions? She has one friend she has spoken to but she doesn’t want anyone else to know as she doesn’t know herself yet. I suffer from anxiety & overthinking a lot…. My mind started instantly worrying about things that aren’t even an issue now & realistically won’t be an issue at all.Is it normal for a parent to feel a littlelost at this time as well? Hope this makes sense, thanks

AD80 Being gay is lonely and unfair
  • replies: 3

I struggle being gay as I find it very lonely and unfair. I’m 45 and my longest relationship was 3 years but he broke up with me by text and never came home. That was 5 years ago and I’ve been single since and only been on one date since. I’m quite d... View more

I struggle being gay as I find it very lonely and unfair. I’m 45 and my longest relationship was 3 years but he broke up with me by text and never came home. That was 5 years ago and I’ve been single since and only been on one date since. I’m quite decent looking and smart and nice, it’s just hard being in such a small segment of the population and I like “normal” masculine/guy next door types (I'm not into feminine, trendy or overly gay sexualised guys) and they are all straight and married. I’ve also been living in a regional town for the last 5 years as it’s hard to move to a city due to the housing crisis etc. It’s lonely and I find it really really depressing when every single attractive guy I see is married with kids and not interested in me in the slightest because I’m male. Or occasionally a good looking guy who wants to have sex but it’s just secret sex and degrading and leaves me feeling used and alone. I’m sick of online dating the guys have no common decency and have apauling treatment of each other and are so selfish. I recently met a guy online who just wanted sex but he was very attractive to me and the type of guy I’d like for a bf. I drove 400km to meet him and got a hotel and he stood me up. It was very upsetting/hurtful. Anyway I find being gay very unfair and upsetting. I wish I could meet a nice farmer and go and live with him. I’m getting old and wasting the best years of my life being single.

Unholy_Idiot Straight in what feels like the worst way possible.
  • replies: 7

So I’m a cisgender male in my mid 20s and have considered myself straight basically my whole life, the issue stems from the fact that I’m able to have respectful friendships with women and can’t stand most men. Now in all technicality, I’ve got guy f... View more

So I’m a cisgender male in my mid 20s and have considered myself straight basically my whole life, the issue stems from the fact that I’m able to have respectful friendships with women and can’t stand most men. Now in all technicality, I’ve got guy friends that I get along with but the number seems to be outweighed by women. And what I’m struggling with is the fact that the media pushes such a negative portrayal of my demographic, plus the fact that most influential men in my life have had similar experiences to what I’m going through, that I can’t help but feel like I’m either using women OR I’m a gay woman in a man’s body. what makes most sense to me is that I’m emotionally mature enough to be able to respect everyone’s boundaries no matter what. But being single and wanting to feel my age for once, doing things that someone my age would “typically” do just doesn’t sit right with me.

ZacOliver Struggling with my faith
  • replies: 4

Im a male 31 year old I’m a Christian and love God so much all my life Im BI sexual but mostly lean towards gay probably am gay but scared to admit it I’ve never been in a relationship my church teaches u can be born gay but it’s a sin so u must stay... View more

Im a male 31 year old I’m a Christian and love God so much all my life Im BI sexual but mostly lean towards gay probably am gay but scared to admit it I’ve never been in a relationship my church teaches u can be born gay but it’s a sin so u must stay single I had a breakdown a year ago and came out to a friend he was so supportive and I don’t know if I would be alive without him I’ve since told one other friend he too was supportive i grew up with a homophobic dad that called it vile and said some very horrible stuff and had been mentally abusive he took off after I finished school I knew I liked guys since yr 9 and hated that part of myself l had crushes on guys and felt so guilty I wanted to die especially seeing that my dad though it was vile school was so hard I managed to be okay after school and ignore that part of me for years then I had a bad case of depression after I had a crush for a guy friend and after bottling it up for years it all boiled over and I had my breakdown I tried to come out to my mum who I love so much we been through allot together she said all the right things but as soon as I saw a bit of hesitation from her I got scared and backpedaled saying I’m just lonely and confused never wanted a boyfriend I’m just so scared to tell her if she knew I’ll be happy to be out and proud but what if she says no I love her so much I get so angry all the time at work and home and this is why I’m so scared to meet with other lgbtq people in fear of being outed it has got so much better since I came out to my friend who told me I need to stop hating myself and be free I was just looking for advice and to air it all out

Bi_guy 30 yo male, married, bisexual and scared - need help
  • replies: 20

Hi A bit of an introduction. I’m a married bisexual guy and have been with my wife for 10 years. I always knew I was bi-curious but was convinced I was straight because I mainly only had emotional crushes on girls. This all changed ages 27 when I rea... View more

Hi A bit of an introduction. I’m a married bisexual guy and have been with my wife for 10 years. I always knew I was bi-curious but was convinced I was straight because I mainly only had emotional crushes on girls. This all changed ages 27 when I realised I still had a strong sexual desire for guys, almost exclusively Asian guys. It took me another three years to be comfortable identifying as bisexual. My problem is that, I love my wife so much, but I can’t help find I am more sexually attracted to Asian guys. It plays on my mind and I find it hard long term to cope with my primary sexual desire not being my wife. But I am confused because I don’t have much emotional response to guys and I don’t see like I could be with a guy long term and grow old together. My wife and I have built a life together and have a young son. She is at her wits end with my struggles with my sexuality. I just want to know if any other bisexual guys are the same and how do you cope? I find not viewing images or porn of attractive Asian guys helps because it lowers my desire for them. But I can’t help fear that I would be better with an Asian guy and embracing it may help the emotion come. But I don’t want to lose my life and my family on a whim. As you can see, my mind goes back and forth. In short, if there are any bisexual guys who are similar or gone through something similar, I would love to know your thoughts.

notsure Cross Dressing
  • replies: 3

Hi I am am older man now I have been married for over 40 years I was wearing girls clothing then women clothing before I was married. My wife wasn’t very happy with me when I told her but in time excepted my decision we even went clothes shopping tog... View more

Hi I am am older man now I have been married for over 40 years I was wearing girls clothing then women clothing before I was married. My wife wasn’t very happy with me when I told her but in time excepted my decision we even went clothes shopping together. But it was an around the house thing. But we had a situation recently that changed everything overnight I walked out in my nightie and stuff earrings and my daughter was there. Yes it was very embarrassing for al concerned. She has not spoken with for months also had to go away for a couple of weeks and when I came my wife had packed up all my women’s clothing. It is only her and myself at home. I really didn’t think I was hurting anyone they are clothes. Anyway I feel I have done nothing wrong I am surly not the only man in this position. I miss wearing women’s clothes but I don’t want to hurt anyone in my family.

Jay1962 Married and same sex attracted
  • replies: 1

Hi Married and Questioning Guy, I’m a married man in my 60s, living in Australia, and I’m quietly exploring a side of myself I’ve kept hidden for most of my life — my attraction to men. I’ve built a good life, been a devoted husband, and raised a fam... View more

Hi Married and Questioning Guy, I’m a married man in my 60s, living in Australia, and I’m quietly exploring a side of myself I’ve kept hidden for most of my life — my attraction to men. I’ve built a good life, been a devoted husband, and raised a family I love deeply, including an adult son. But for a long time now, I’ve felt a growing ache — not just for physical touch, but for emotional closeness and authentic connection with another man. I’m not here for hook-ups, porn, or anything reckless. I’m looking for understanding, conversation, maybe even friendship with other men who know what it’s like to live between two worlds — one built around love and loyalty, and another filled with quiet longing and questions. If this resonates with you — if you’ve been there, or are still there — I’d really appreciate hearing from you. Just to know I’m not alone, and maybe walk a little of this journey together. Thanks for reading.—Jay

Jennifer Didn't know I was in love before I lost the opportunity
  • replies: 1

Last year a friend visited. I like her a lot. Im demisexual and find it hard to interpret differences between romantic and platonic love (also autistic so that prob doesnt help). She visited and we flirted and kissed but I didn't know what I felt rea... View more

Last year a friend visited. I like her a lot. Im demisexual and find it hard to interpret differences between romantic and platonic love (also autistic so that prob doesnt help). She visited and we flirted and kissed but I didn't know what I felt really. Like...flirting was fun but I didn't know if it was love. I was also stressed because I know my mum would not approve (I'm 29 but live at home, mum and I are close and she's pretty good but still lacking when it comes to some queer issues). I think...after my friend went back home I realised I loved her. But during that time she began dating my best friend. In the process I feel like I've lost both of them. This year has been so hard as well for me, being abandoned by a lot of people, and it just hurts so much. We had a conversation and I think she had a crush on me as well. And I'm mad I missed my opportunity. Im so mad for the world that doesn't exist. Does anyone have tips for processing these feelings and getting to a point where I don't feel a pang of anguish when I'm with my friends?