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BeyondBlue Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender Identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental he... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender Identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental health and wellbeing. We welcome all conversations here and want to know how you feel and what has helped you to be your best self. A few important tips and rules for this section are below. What is important is that this is a welcoming, kind and supportive space for everyone. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ+) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ+ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ+ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ+ space. Thank you and welcome Beyond Blue

MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 224

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

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SJR4001 Questioning Sexuality
  • replies: 1

I’m writing this because I’m standing at the edge of something that feels like it could change my entire life and I don’t know how to step forward without hurting a person I love. I’m a married man oof close to 30 years. My wife is kind and loyal. Th... View more

I’m writing this because I’m standing at the edge of something that feels like it could change my entire life and I don’t know how to step forward without hurting a person I love. I’m a married man oof close to 30 years. My wife is kind and loyal. There’s nothing really “wrong” with our marriage in the obvious sense. And that’s what makes this so terrifying. For a long time, years, if I’m honest, I’ve been questioning my sexuality. I kept telling myself it was a phase, or curiosity, or something I could just manage quietly. But the truth is, the question hasn’t gone away. It’s gotten louder. I’m starting to think I might be gay, not just “a little unsure,” not just bi, but actually gay. Writing that sentence makes my stomach drop. Recently, something happened that forced me to stop pretending this was abstract or theoretical. I’ve made a really good friend who is a gay man. What started as an easy, supportive friendship has grown into something much heavier for me. I’ve developed strong feelings for him, feelings that surprised me with their intensity and clarity.I’ve tried to keep firm boundaries, but emotionally it’s been confronting. The connection feels different from anything I’ve allowed myself to acknowledge before and it’s made my questions about my sexuality impossible to ignore. I don’t have everything figured out. I don’t know exactly what this means for my future, my marriage, or my identity. What I do know is that continuing to live as if none of this is real feels increasingly dishonest, especially toward my wife. And that feels like its own kind of betrayal. I’m considering telling her and that thought alone feels like it could split my life into a before and an after. I’m scared of devastating her. I’m scared of losing the life we built. I’m also scared that if I don’t face this honestly, I’ll slowly disappear inside the marriage and become someone resentful, distant, or numb. I’m not asking for permission to walk away, I’m trying to understand whether honesty, even when it threatens everything, is still the right thing. If you’ve realized you were gay while married, or if you’ve had to tell a partner something that fundamentally changed your relationship: How did you know it was time to speak?How did you balance honesty with compassion?Did telling the truth ultimately lead to more damage or more integrity? I feel like I’m choosing between two kinds of loss, and I don’t know which one I can live with. Any perspective would mean a lot.

Guest_28589019 NEED SOME ADVICE
  • replies: 4

Hi ive recently been informed that my adult son of 29 who is married, has 2 children one aged 2 and one aged 7 weeks has secretly dressing as a woman , his wife has known about this and has asked him to stop. He has started lying, about his activity ... View more

Hi ive recently been informed that my adult son of 29 who is married, has 2 children one aged 2 and one aged 7 weeks has secretly dressing as a woman , his wife has known about this and has asked him to stop. He has started lying, about his activity and has now posted photos online and his,wife has caught him out. The trust has obviously been broken in the marriage and having 2 small children my daughter n law is angry, hurt , stressed. My son has advised he knows he has in his words messed up and can seem stop doing this, he wants to get help to repair his marriage. Im dealing with the shock of this announcement and am struggling to give the advice that they both need. Ive suggested counselling, ive told my son I love him and support him and want to help him, and I also want to do this for my daughter n law as well , I just dont know where I can get the information, help organisations etc to support them both. Any help or suggestions would help immensely as I navigate through this difficult situation within my family

BMan40 Can anyone relate??
  • replies: 1

Hi there, Just wondering if there are any other men, husbands and fathers who are in a heterosexual relationship but are very attracted to other men when your out in public?And if you find yourself checking out other guys are you feeling guilty and u... View more

Hi there, Just wondering if there are any other men, husbands and fathers who are in a heterosexual relationship but are very attracted to other men when your out in public?And if you find yourself checking out other guys are you feeling guilty and upset internally because you feel you shouldn't be attracted to the same sex, as your in a heterosexual relationship??Do you guys feel like your brain is constantly fighting with itself to stay on track then your eyes see something they like, then your in two minds??Please reach out to me.It's a hard situation to navigate.Bman40

Isme1234 Am I gay
  • replies: 4

I am so confused! for the past few years my labido has reduced. partially from prostate cancer treated with radiation. and partly from lost trust due to ex wife’s infidelities. before that i was a very sexual person. i did have my curiosity for same ... View more

I am so confused! for the past few years my labido has reduced. partially from prostate cancer treated with radiation. and partly from lost trust due to ex wife’s infidelities. before that i was a very sexual person. i did have my curiosity for same sex and after a few years of being single I gave in and tried sex with another man. the physical side was beyond amazing however I could not get that emotional connection. i am now remarried years later to opposite gender and love the intimacy however I don’t seem to be able to be aroused with her. I have seen specialist and have been told it’s all in my head so that leaves me to question myself AM I GAY???

waffle_puppy I feel like I'd like to be a boy?
  • replies: 1

Hi again! So recently I've been questioning my gender for a few weeks, and I've asked myself various questions such as "Would it be better for me?" or "Would I be happier in my body?" and I honestly feel as if I could be free if I was a boy. Every ti... View more

Hi again! So recently I've been questioning my gender for a few weeks, and I've asked myself various questions such as "Would it be better for me?" or "Would I be happier in my body?" and I honestly feel as if I could be free if I was a boy. Every time I glance in the mirror, I don't see a girl as I used to anymore; and I feel like a boy is staring back at me, or at least I'd like to see that one day. I've begun to feel uncomfortable with my body and every single time I wear something feminine, or even get called "she" I feel absolutely horrendous and awful on the inside, or even being called by the name I was given makes me feel disgusted and sad. I'm afraid of the fact that my parents might hate me for wanting to be a boy, so I never told them; but I have last year as I felt the same way. The results? My dad said "Just wait for a while, maybe you'll change your mind." compared to my mom who said the same, but with nicer wording; so I kept it a secret for a while. Along with that, I'd really like to be called Colin as I feel like it'd suit me the best. However I just don't think I look like a boy enough, or that I might be deemed "strange" for a boy. I'm not sure though, however I just wanna be a boy who's there to support his friends through everything. Maybe I'll tell my parents when I'm 18, but despite that they told me I'm too young to think that I'd like to be a boy. What could I do?

kingKarter FTM body dysphoria
  • replies: 2

hi so i been on T for a year im only 31 just recently turned it, i come out late as trans because of the way i was raised and the way my family was, but my biggest issue atm is my body dysphoria! Im one of those unlucky trans man who have a large che... View more

hi so i been on T for a year im only 31 just recently turned it, i come out late as trans because of the way i was raised and the way my family was, but my biggest issue atm is my body dysphoria! Im one of those unlucky trans man who have a large chest which makes binding or taping hard. I have tried a few binders and they either don’t fit or they leave that like extra boob or they make it look like you have one massive boob! And I can’t tape because it doesn’t do anything because of how big i am! Does anyone else have this issue and what do you do? What has worked for you? Idk what else todo and it’s messing with my mental health! Please any information will help.

waffle_puppy What do I do?
  • replies: 4

So recently my grandma came over which is something that ticks me off so much; I hate to say it and I am aware, but I seriously can't stand her no matter what. She constantly tries to remind me that I will get married to a man and that I must have ch... View more

So recently my grandma came over which is something that ticks me off so much; I hate to say it and I am aware, but I seriously can't stand her no matter what. She constantly tries to remind me that I will get married to a man and that I must have children and cook for my "future husband" no matter what. I understand that's how she was raised but she's pushing it onto me just because she never had a kid makes me feel awful. The thought of it sends a shiver down my spine; even by the mere thought of intimacy which I'd learnt a lot about in health class at school and would rather keep it at that because of how much it grosses me out. Anyways, when I told her I'm bisexual; she immediately lashed out at me for simply being myself. I stated that I prefer women, however I like men too but would rather keep it romantic; that's when things started to escalate. She told me that God made me this way and that I must submit to a man and have kids to have a perfect life. I shook my head and told her a simple "No, I am who I want to be." which made her frustrated, so that raised even more questions in my head (Which thankfully, aren't grandma related). So recently at my (potential) new art school, I was walking in a tour with some other people; and two people caught my eye. They were in the same grade group as I was for that tour, however that didn't help me with how much I was panicking over how gorgeous they both looked. One person was dressed masculine, and wore a baggy sweater paired with baggy jeans and had their guitar slung behind them in a bag; while they wore glasses and had shaggy long hair, the other person was a bit more feminine and wore a blouse with a plaid skirt and a low ponytail; which is what sent me into panic. But here's the real questions; "What if they're straight?" "What if they don't like me?" "What if they are disgusted by my sexuality/gender?" and I've been questioning if I am nonbinary/genderqueer as well recently, which also added another question to my head. What if they're put off by it? Gosh, what do I do? I've also been obsessing a lot over those two people I saw, so I apologise if this is all jumbled up or messy to read. They're both really pretty but I should probably become friends with them. I told this to my mom as well, however she told me to be with whoever I like the most, who is most likely the person dressed in a masculine way, but I liked the other person as well. What can I do?

beeswithnohoney Confused about what I'm feeling
  • replies: 2

Hi BeyondBlue! I hope this is okay to post here. I'm feeling really confused about a few things and not sure where else to go. For a bit of context: As far as anyone in my life knows, I'm a lesbian. I came out when I was 15 (I'm now 20), and I've alw... View more

Hi BeyondBlue! I hope this is okay to post here. I'm feeling really confused about a few things and not sure where else to go. For a bit of context: As far as anyone in my life knows, I'm a lesbian. I came out when I was 15 (I'm now 20), and I've always had a feeling that wasn't quite right, but I felt pressured to pick a label, so "lesbian" has been my default answer for years when anyone asks. Internally, I've gone back and forth on a few different labels. The one I come back to most is asexuality. I'm very uncomfortable with my own body and I have trouble picturing myself ever being with someone in that way. I've even wondered about being trans, but I do like most aspects of being a woman - I just hate the anatomical parts. I've ended up taking a "cross that bridge when I come to it" approach, which basically means avoiding the dating pool at all costs, and trying to pretend certain parts of my body don't exist. But I've finally come to the bridge, and it feels like everything I've stowed away is starting to pour out of the proverbial cupboard. I met a guy last weekend who I really hit it off with. We met at a function and spent the whole night together. I liked him a lot, and he was really good-looking, so when he asked me out this weekend, I said yes. Maybe this was wrong of me, but I kept the lesbian thing a secret. I was honestly excited to see him again, so I figured, what's the worst that could happen? But as the week went by, it started to plague my mind, and the excitement turned into sickness (by which I mean actual nausea and stomach cramps). I had a great time with him today, and I felt perfectly fine while we were out. It was pretty innocent - we just got to know each other and held hands, nothing crazy. But ever since I got home, I've had that same sick feeling, and I can't stop thinking about it no matter what distractions I turn to. I'm struggling to pinpoint exactly what's making me feel this way. I've gone back and forth on a few answers: maybe it's my body telling me he's the wrong person, or maybe it's the thought that he'll expect sex from me someday and I don't want that, or maybe it's the fact that so much of my life and social circle is centred around my queerness and dating a guy feels like a betrayal somehow. I'd have to re-come out to everyone I know, and I don't even know what to come out as. And the worst part is that I'd have to come out to him, too, and maybe even explain all this. So I guess it's a combination of things? But he wants to see me on Monday, which is a very short deadline to figure all of this out, and I have no idea what to do with myself. Any advice would be appreciated!!

sofaking FTM about to enter the real world. will life get better
  • replies: 2

17 year old FTM. DIY HRT for 2 years (do not give me an essay on why its bad, no doctor is going to prescribe me hormones until Im an adult, I would rather do this than let myself be poisoned further through endognous estrogen) I am only out to my fr... View more

17 year old FTM. DIY HRT for 2 years (do not give me an essay on why its bad, no doctor is going to prescribe me hormones until Im an adult, I would rather do this than let myself be poisoned further through endognous estrogen) I am only out to my friends, not a single adult at my Christian school knows, they probably think Im a freak of nature butch lesbian brainwashed by the gay agenda. once i leave school i hope to blend in and go stealth and avoid talking to people from my past life at all costs, except my family who i cannot entirely cut off but they also think im a freak of nature butch lesbian and will never change their views. Will i be able to go stealth at TAFE? legal name change n allat. I will never be able to bring anyone to my room to date because I would rather hang myself than come out to a stranger. I will be stuck being a 5,7 eunuch until 2030, is this life worth living? Will someone decide somethings up with me and go E-stalk and out me? Will people want to hunt down my old teachers for some reason? I hate being a FTM with every fiber of my being. I hate every second i am truly aware of my existence, the only time that I feel normal is when Im playing video games, watching cartoons or doing drugs, this will be my future for at least the next 5 years. If anyone else has suceeded at blatantly lying about their: entire childhood down to which toys they played with, which school they went to, the real reason their parents don't like them, sexuality. Please let me know. I have to talk to at least 1 teacher about changing my name by the end of September, as i would have to get my name changed for my graduation cert.

Guest_05656585 Where do I belong?
  • replies: 3

Hi, I’m Michi and still in high school but I would like some help on who I am. All of my friends are either straight or gay and I don’t think I belong under any of those terms, I just don’t know how to fit in. I also don’t think I’m asexual, I don’t ... View more

Hi, I’m Michi and still in high school but I would like some help on who I am. All of my friends are either straight or gay and I don’t think I belong under any of those terms, I just don’t know how to fit in. I also don’t think I’m asexual, I don’t know where I belong, it’s been like this for a year now and I just don’t know how my friends will react if I say I don’t know what gender I’m attracted to. It has been hard since most of my friends either have crushes or a lover, I don’t feel like I fit in with the society. Thank you for listening

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