Sexuality and gender identity

I’m in love with my best friend (same gender)

replies: 3

2 years ago, in my last year of high school I developed a crush on one of my friends. At first I just thought I just enjoyed spending time with her until I realised it was real feelings (my bisexual awakening). I put in so much effort to always hang ... View more

2 years ago, in my last year of high school I developed a crush on one of my friends. At first I just thought I just enjoyed spending time with her until I realised it was real feelings (my bisexual awakening). I put in so much effort to always hang out with her that once high school ended we were because even closer and best friends (she didn’t know I had feelings for her). Fast forward a year later, we are still really close friends but our friendship became super toxic because I would always get super jealous and always started arguments because I felt she never put in effort into the friendship, when in reality I just set unrealistic expectations because I was so in love and wanted her to appreciate me the way I appreciated her. Anyway a year and a half after I started to like her, I told her that I had feelings for her in high school (we were still best friends at this stage and would text everyday and see each other so often), she said she always knew I had feelings for her but she obvs didn’t feel the same way back which I knew (there was another girl present when we had this convo. Remember her she comes in again later). Deep down she knew I was in love with her all this time. A couple months after this conversation a whole group of my friends went away on a holiday and the girl I like AND THE OTHER GIRL THAT KNEW I LIKED HER THAT WAS THERE WHEN WE HAD THAT CONVERSATION, HAD SEX. The other girl who knew I liked her said to her friend “I knew she liked her but I didn’t give a f*ck”. I was heart broken because they both knew I had feelings for this one girl. Fast forward 6 months later I’m still so heart broken and it’s so hard to get past this because we are all in the sane friendship group. They had sex because they were super drunk and they said it was a one time thing but I just can’t get past it. I don’t know what else to do. Now me and the girl who I had feelings for not only did that happen but I lost her as a best friend and with the other girl I can’t even look at her but have to fake be her friend for the sake of the group AND I JUST DONT KNOW HOW I CAN GET PAST THIS BECAUSE WE ARE IN THE SAME FRIEND GROUP and I will just always be in love with her. I need advice on how to get past this because it’s been six months and I’m still so heartbroken and can’t get over how they did this to me.

I don't know who I am

replies: 3

I am 14 and I live in Australia for as long as I can remember I have been a lesbian I didn't really know a name for it but I new I liked women. recently I thought I might be Asexual but that name doesn't quite fit right. then I thought I might be dem... View more

I am 14 and I live in Australia for as long as I can remember I have been a lesbian I didn't really know a name for it but I new I liked women. recently I thought I might be Asexual but that name doesn't quite fit right. then I thought I might be demisexual but that didn't feel right either. I know I like women and not men but I don't actually know if I like women or if I have just told myself that for so long that I think that I do. I have never dated someone or even had a crush before so if anyone has any ideas please help.

Questioning

replies: 6

Hi I'm 15 yo girl and really struggling with my sexuality. For the last year I've noticed being attracted to girls, and in early primary school I had a crush on a girl, but before now only liked boys and am still awkward around them. I'm really into ... View more

Hi I'm 15 yo girl and really struggling with my sexuality. For the last year I've noticed being attracted to girls, and in early primary school I had a crush on a girl, but before now only liked boys and am still awkward around them. I'm really into LGBT books and films as well. I can't imagine being with a guy but not sure if I'm a lesbian? I'm really anxious/confused about whether I'm just 'experimenting' or actually like woman and don't know what to tell my parents and friends. Is there a subtle way to come out? Help!

My husband now thinks he wants to be a female.

replies: 31

Hi everyone. I found this forum yesterday and I would like to get some advice for my situation. I've been married for 10 years and two young children, living happily before my husband started taking counselling due to his growing up background. I hav... View more

Hi everyone. I found this forum yesterday and I would like to get some advice for my situation. I've been married for 10 years and two young children, living happily before my husband started taking counselling due to his growing up background. I haven't expected anything with his counselling but one day he came to me he found out he has some gender identity issue. He then referred to hormone specialist and having a couple of appointments so far. One day, he came home with some tablets the doctor gave him which contain female hormone in them. The one is acne remedies and the other one is estrogen. When I talked to him what he would like to be in the future, but he keeps saying he is not sure, but as soon as I saw the tablet, I thought he want to be a female. I was shocked. He also found that he has Asperger syndrome around same time he found issue with gender identity, so after I was told I started depression and sleepless night from then. I had some phone counselling for myself because this is going to be a big challenge for both of us, and I need to make sure about my children too. My counselor told me I can't make any decision for him, so all I can do is relax and live a daily life for now which was make sense. I want to respect his decision but at the same time, I sometimes think if I should leave him. The reason I think that way is this situation is definitely not I was expected and it's kind of sad I can't have romantic relationship with loving husband anymore. It seems like it's all ended. (I'm mid thirty anyway.) I find sometimes difficult to communicate with him but he is gentle and nice person. It looks like my daily life filled with happiness is collapsed and now I'm in the darkness ALONE with a big secret I have to keep inside of me. These days, I noticed he started shaving his body and I found an epilator in his room. Yes, he is moving forward without letting me know. I have no courage to talk about this topic right now because I am afraid to find out more things which will make me a shock again. I don't want to tell this to my parents, friends or children just yet because I am not ready to talk. Because of this COVID situation, my children are staying home everyday even when I feel like to be alone thinking about these things but they never allow me to do so. I want to be a good mother smiling in the house but these days, it's just hard and feeling down. Anyways, I would like someone to connect in the same boat if it's possible. Thanks.

First girlfriend (lesbian) and I'm confused

replies: 4

This is the first time I've posted something, so please be nice. I struggled a lot with my sexuality this year (I'm 16) and have accepted that I'm queer. I recently came out to my family, and my mum said that I can't identify as queer. To me, queer m... View more

This is the first time I've posted something, so please be nice. I struggled a lot with my sexuality this year (I'm 16) and have accepted that I'm queer. I recently came out to my family, and my mum said that I can't identify as queer. To me, queer means 'not straight' but she didn't like it. I understand where she is coming from but it still hurts. I've also kinda got a girlfriend (I'm female) and we met through a school program. We are the same age, but don't get to see each other often as we don't go to the same school. We have been texting everyday for the past 3 weeks and I've really been enjoying it. I told her I liked her over text weeks ago and she said she felt the same. It got pretty flirty and she asked me out. We hung out at the park for hours and at first it was kinda awkward as we hadn't seen each other since we said we had feelings. We started playing chess and other fun games and we flirted and had a great time. I was still feeling like there was so much unsaid, it didn't really feel like a date, just two friends hanging out. I was too scared to make the first move and mention anything. We said goodbye and that was it. My first kinda date with a girl. For a few days after that it felt really weird. We were still texting, but I felt we had lost our groove. I keep overthinking things which isn't new but it's getting worse, especially with her. I had to tell myself that she really does like me but I was starting to question my feelings for her. I don't know why I feel so insecure about her. Usually I feel super confident around people I like, at least boys. I still feel nervous, but not insecure. Is it because she's my first girlfriend? Then things started to click again and we decided to watch a movie at the cinemas. Once again, leading up to this I started getting super nervous and anxious about everything. The only time I wouldn't question my feelings was when I was texting her. We met early at the cinemas today to play in the arcade beforehand and I felt really awkward again. We didn't hold hands, kiss or even hug the whole date and I'm pretty sure I wanted to. I just didn't know how to. This is the first proper relationship for both of us and I don't think we have any idea how to make it work. I haven't even looked at her messages after the movie because I don't know what to say. Should I tell her how I feel? What if all the awkwardness is in my head and saying something will make it worse in real life? Help! I'm really freaking out!

Blaming the victim (myself)

replies: 4

This post probably belongs in Trauma & PTSD thread but that space may not be safe for people like me.I've sought help from many mental health professionals, since Jun-2022, in relation to my complex trauma & CPTSD. I've heard many comments/suggestion... View more

This post probably belongs in Trauma & PTSD thread but that space may not be safe for people like me.I've sought help from many mental health professionals, since Jun-2022, in relation to my complex trauma & CPTSD. I've heard many comments/suggestions along the lines of "stop blaming yourself" or "shame & guilt are the wrong emotions". In my case, every element of external trauma in my life can be traced back to my being born different - my "abnormal" sexual biology & my being a trans girl/woman. I will note that the former has led to my experiencing passing privilege before HRT (someone described this as a "trans god-roll"), but it doesn't even come close to making up for 4 decades of trauma & exclusion. There is no doubt that I failed at boy/man and my body failed at male. I've recently discovered that I also failed at sexuality (the AroAce label seems to fit me).Does anyone have any success stories to share that might help me (to stop blaming myself)?

My Husband has Gender Dysphoria

replies: 9

A year ago my husband told me he likes to wear woman’s cloths. He kept this secret from me for 9 years and I know it was hard for him to tell me and he felt ashamed but I felt and still feel so betrayed that he kept this from me. At the time I asked ... View more

A year ago my husband told me he likes to wear woman’s cloths. He kept this secret from me for 9 years and I know it was hard for him to tell me and he felt ashamed but I felt and still feel so betrayed that he kept this from me. At the time I asked all the questions; are you gay? Do you want to me female? Etc he answered no to both. A month ago he tells me he is now confused about his gender and as of last week has gender dysphoria. He’s going to counseling to try to figure everything out. I do want him to be happy but I don’t know how to deal with this. We hardly talk, no intimacy for over a year and can barely look at each other. I can’t carry on like this. He says he still loves me but I think that’s more of a familiar love than as someone should love a wife. And I don’t love him like a husband now, I can’t love a man who doesn’t know if he wants to be a man now. He’s changed so much and is not the person I married. Im at a total loss of what to do, if we split up there’s finances and pets. If we stay I am in a loveless marriage to a man who can’t touch me and I need to feel wanted as selfish as that may sound. I’ve considered breaching open marriage with him but I don’t know how to say this. Everything is so messed up, I feel alone with no one to talk to. It can’t carry on like this. If anyone has been through this or has any advice I would appreciate it more than you realise.

What do you all think?

replies: 1

Here is a timeline of what I've experienced over the past few months Late december: On a call with a friend and we are talking and playing online games and I say "don't f*** with me" as we were playing FPS games (first person shooter games) and I hea... View more

Here is a timeline of what I've experienced over the past few months Late december: On a call with a friend and we are talking and playing online games and I say "don't f*** with me" as we were playing FPS games (first person shooter games) and I hear is brother (who was my best friend) say that in a very low voice "I would". This disturbed me and I started to think does he like me? I've always been a religious person who was conservative values, especially at my age. And I start to think "am I into him?" And that persisted over 2-3 weeks and I avoided him when school started and the thought went away. And the thought of me being attracted to him made me feel yucky and really disturbed so this is how I knew I wasn't gay or anything of that nature. Mid febraury: (Gotten past over the events of december but still avoiding this person) My brother and I contract covid and we isolate for 4 days. I remember talking to him one night and the topic of my crush (who I've like for over 1 year) came up and how my friends were calling me "gay" because I couldn't speak to that girl. I went to sleep questioning whether or not I am gay. Late march: Been suffering constant intrusive thoughts about "whether or not I am gay". At this point I've practically ghosted my friends that called me gay. I'm on this chat with friends and friends of mutual friends and there is this one particular person of the same sex who has opened up to me in the past about his feelings for me and (idk if this was the right response or not) I rejected him and didn't think squat about it. Now I see him message all of a sudden and this feeling of doubt and stress fills me. I've been in this chat with him for around a few weeks and this never happened and (I wish I was never there) now I feel this weird feeling whenever I see him. It's like the feeling of attraction but instead of the happiness and joy that I feel towards this crush of mine I feel a sense of dread and shame. Ontop of this weird feeling of attraction like this one and the one from february I feel my attraction to my crush and the opposite sex fade away, and only in rare moments do I feel strongly attracted to my crush. I develop the same feelings towards a few of my male friends (like the one I explained above) but it goes away over the course of day/s or week/s. April: Shit hits the fan. I still feel these feelings, I still get the intrusive thougths of whether or not I am gay or am I in denial all that stuff. I suffer a panic attack.

If I get admitted to a psych ward, do I keep my HRT?

replies: 2

title. it's very likely coming up because of job provider and everyone else just constantly kicking me down uwu

Feeling lost

replies: 1

I’m a gay male I had a friend who was straight he was my best mate we shared secrets together and were always there for one another but also had a little fun on the side. Recently he’s mates found out that he were best friends and found out that ther... View more

I’m a gay male I had a friend who was straight he was my best mate we shared secrets together and were always there for one another but also had a little fun on the side. Recently he’s mates found out that he were best friends and found out that there was stuff happening between us now every one knows he’s gone and told everyone that our friendship was all base on lies and he was only my friend because I was blackmailing him. None of this is true I’m heart broken I know our friendship was real for him to say what he has said has really taken a big impact on my mental health he as also gone to the police because I just wanted to know the truth and now the police have placed an advo against me I feel lost I haven’t been to work since this has happened I just don’t know what to do all I want to do is talk to the guy he was my best friend and now I feel like I have no one

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LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place

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