Sexuality and gender identity

Peer support and conversations about anxiety, depression and other issues in the mental health space affecting LGBTQI+ people.

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Announcement Icon
You can win one of three $200 gift cards. Complete our survey by 5pm, 30 June 2024 AEST to enter the draw. Your response will be anonymous so you can't be identified.

Pinned discussions

MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 219

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

Chris_B IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section
  • replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe spa... View more

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

All discussions

cycleman Gay married going crazy
  • replies: 3

Hi AllIm 61 married for 32 years and I know I am gay. I love my adoring wife and children but I cannot continue to deceive them. I was in love when I got married and have been very happy up until the last few years when I cant stop thinking about men... View more

Hi AllIm 61 married for 32 years and I know I am gay. I love my adoring wife and children but I cannot continue to deceive them. I was in love when I got married and have been very happy up until the last few years when I cant stop thinking about men and being free to experiment. I feel like my mind is a constant battle field of my thoughts. I dont think I can continue this lie much longer. I need to tell my family the truth. However I know in unloading my burden I tranfer it to them and my wife in particular. How can I tell my wife when I know it will destroy her life! Thank you for listening

Confused_gurl My husband just told me he is trans
  • replies: 19

So I have been married for over ten years and have two children with my husband. He told me last week that he feels like a female. I am hoping I am being supportive, asked about pronouns and explored what it means. He doesn't really care about pronou... View more

So I have been married for over ten years and have two children with my husband. He told me last week that he feels like a female. I am hoping I am being supportive, asked about pronouns and explored what it means. He doesn't really care about pronouns right now so when I write he and husband it is on his wishes. But I am so emotionally confused and just want someone to tell me this can work. I am not gay but I love him as a person and think I can still make this work.At the moment we are talking more openly and it feels great.. but he and I work in an environment that I feel if he does transition we will be fired. How do I support him through this without our whole world falling apart. Also how do you tell your kids these things without destroying them (they are 7 and 8). I am going to see a doctor next week to explore therapy and so is he but I guess what I am after is success stories... So yeah... That is my full on news...

Whichway Really struggling with sexuality
  • replies: 2

I haven’t been the nicest person…I was always homophobic as a young guy… I thought being gay was the worst thing in the world. I didn’t know anything just what my older cousins taught me.. I was confident of my sexuality and attracted to woman from a... View more

I haven’t been the nicest person…I was always homophobic as a young guy… I thought being gay was the worst thing in the world. I didn’t know anything just what my older cousins taught me.. I was confident of my sexuality and attracted to woman from a young age and still am physically… When I was 19 something told me out of the blue that I was gay! I don’t know why but it came from a bit of a mixture of not really wanting to be in a relationship with a woman … ever I thought? Whoosh!! I’m gay!! Despite never being sexually attracted to a man before. i couldn’t accept this… at all. So I went into deep denial. I hated myself from that point onwards until now continually. I’ve never had a gay thought or fantasy, but I feel like I sleep with woman I’m a bad person or to prove to myself that I’m not gay. Ive tried everything other than to be gay - made friends with gay people and the queer community, opened myself up to absolutely every possible thing, self help books, changed my entire attitude to be more loving… but I have consistent relationships that fail with woman so I can prove to myself I am a man. I try so hard not to be gay, I’ve never slipped up in 10 years of denial. But I can’t deny it.. when I chat the gay barrista my heart opens I can’t keep breaking these girls hearts and my own I feel horrible. I keep saying these girls hoping that something might happen differently. I try so hard to make it work. I’ve met this one recently and she’s so freaking amazing, she’s so beautiful, and patient and amazing. But it’s just not right, I don’t know how to tell her Ive spoken to my friends and family about it.. it’s not given me any relief… how can I come to terms with myself… how do I accept myself? Im so scared of being gay. I’m so scared right now I feel like a helpless child.

Rob222 Lonely
  • replies: 1

So the reality of loneliness has hit me pretty suddenly and forcefully in the past few weeks. I have no close friends (as in people you can hang out with, go to the pub, etc), barely any txt msg friends that only sporadically msg, no relationship, my... View more

So the reality of loneliness has hit me pretty suddenly and forcefully in the past few weeks. I have no close friends (as in people you can hang out with, go to the pub, etc), barely any txt msg friends that only sporadically msg, no relationship, my family is.. an absolute mess - haven’t spoken to my sibling or parent for 15yrs due to difficult relationship, don’t have anyone else. I’ve focused my efforts into my career but now getting into my later 30s I realise how meaningless that is without anyone to share life with. I want to have a family and kids but don’t feel like that’s an option now.Everyone just assumes I’m straight but I’m physically attracted to guys. I guess that’s the reason why I’ve avoided any serious long term relationships with women.I think I always had the idea of ‘one day’ sorting out the mess that is my life but I don’t even know where to begin or how and it’s starting to feel ‘too late’. I don’t want to be lonely. The thought of existing like this for year after year after year is unbearable.I tried reaching out to a friend but they didn’t get what I was saying or maybe didn’t have the resources/perspective to really help - I don’t blame them at all. All I can say is that I just don’t know what to do, I don’t know who to talk to.

Hopefulconfused Need help! gentle and kind words
  • replies: 2

Hello everone I'm 28, Bisexual male, turning 29 soon. Lately I've been going through a lot. My mind does not stop playing tricks which makes me anxious, sad, weak, and can't focus on everything. How to get through or how to face my future knowing tha... View more

Hello everone I'm 28, Bisexual male, turning 29 soon. Lately I've been going through a lot. My mind does not stop playing tricks which makes me anxious, sad, weak, and can't focus on everything. How to get through or how to face my future knowing that I haven't been fully honest with others. I've always known that I'm not straight, and I have told my loved ones about my sexuality lately.They advised me to be happy and do whatever I want in my life, which lessen that pain that I'm going through. I have not told my colleagues and some of my friends about me because i have experienced a lot of harsh words and insults when I was young . Sometimes, I think of admitting my sexuality to my colleagues and friends, but a part of me is still afraid of rejection and words that can hurts me. I'm a very sensitive person and gets emotionally hurt easily. Sometimes, I'd rather keep my mouth shut to protect my peace of mind but it bothers me sometimes. Thinking about the future, I still have doubts about myself, I'm sure that I'm attracted to both genders. Sometimes, I'm physically attracted to opposite sex, then emotionally attracted to same sex. Then on other days, I find myself attracted to same sex physically, then emotionally attracted to opposite sex. My mind is not clear right now. I want to settle and have my own family with a woman in the future, be 100% honest to her, be loyal to her, be respectful towards her. I'm just afraid that my sexuality will affect the future that I'm imagining. I'm also afraid that I will make her life mesirable, which I really don't want to happen, so I 'm thinking of I'm better of being alone. I'm getting sad, down, and words that I can't describe of how I just want to be in my room and be with myself thinking about it. Sorry if my words are not clear enough for me to express myself but I really want it out and I really wanna know how you deal with this kind of delimma. Please help me!!

Butterfly_Wings_of_Hope Bi / bicurious married woman
  • replies: 5

Hi there I am a thirty one year old woman in a hetero marriage. I have only ever been in hetero relationships but I have been attracted to both men and women since I was a teen and I am now talking to my husband about having a threesome with a woman.... View more

Hi there I am a thirty one year old woman in a hetero marriage. I have only ever been in hetero relationships but I have been attracted to both men and women since I was a teen and I am now talking to my husband about having a threesome with a woman. my question is, are sexuality labels (gay, bi, straight etc.) based on attraction or experience? i am attracted to women but have no sexual experience with them. are you bi curious when you only have the attraction and not the experience? Thanks. Just not sure if im bi curious or bi

SaoirseJ Growing attraction to women but married to a man
  • replies: 8

I'm in my late 30s and married to a lovely man, we've had our fair share of struggles. We've been together 13 years, the last 10 have been characterised by the stillbirth of our only child, miscarriages and infertility. We have no living children. 2 ... View more

I'm in my late 30s and married to a lovely man, we've had our fair share of struggles. We've been together 13 years, the last 10 have been characterised by the stillbirth of our only child, miscarriages and infertility. We have no living children. 2 years ago after the last miscarriage something in me changed, I think the scales tipped - my desire to have a baby was no longer strong enough to warrant the pain and trauma of the loss I kept enduring. I started to focus more on my fitness and got into running. It felt great to do something rewarding and energising that made me feel good. I met a lot of women, a few gay women, one of whom I really connected with and eventually fell in love with. I still am, 18 months later. We are good friends and have long easy chats but she doesn't know how I feel. My husband wants us to continue to try to have children. He struggles with the idea of us not having kids. I can't give him that anymore. He knows about my SSA and has had trouble coming to terms with it. I want to leave the marriage and start a new life, but it is so hard to leave and hurt someone I still love very much, but cannot imagine sleeping with ever again, and who now wants very different things to me. Looking back on my adolescence, I was never attracted to men. I wanted them to like me and I just fell into that life because it was what everyone did. But it was women I idolised, thought about, stared at and yep, lusted after. I remember having a few panicked moments about my sexuality - I was raised conservative - but I ignored it and liked being with boys, or at least attention from boys, enough to meet one I liked and get married. It's only now I realise I have only ever done what's expected and not thought about what I wanted. I have moments of clarity where I'm hopeful, I think of a future with a woman, maybe my friend, and feel happy and excited. But I also question my own feelings, and am scared I've made it all up as an easy way out of my marriage. Then there's the denial, I feel like I can't possibly be gay, even though at the same time it feels much more natural and normal than I ever have about men. The other day I was watching McLeods Daughters (I missed all the hype in the early 2000s) and now cannot stop thinking about Claire McLeod in that white singlet haha. It's hard to get all this straight in my head. I can't quite believe I'm gay, but at the same time can't believe I was ever straight. Anyone else been here? It's so lonely

0101 Trans wanting to come out
  • replies: 3

I'm 15 and for the past 2 years I've had thoughts that I'm trans(FTM). I didn't even think about coming out to anyone as it seems really overwhelming, but my dysphoria has been getting worse and worse and I've starting having suicidal thoughts. So I ... View more

I'm 15 and for the past 2 years I've had thoughts that I'm trans(FTM). I didn't even think about coming out to anyone as it seems really overwhelming, but my dysphoria has been getting worse and worse and I've starting having suicidal thoughts. So I really want to come out but my parents are pretty conservative in the way they wouldn't know a single trans person or much of the language surrounding trans people, and most of my close friends are cis het and I can imagine they would stop talking to me if I came out to them. Telling people on here helps but I still don't know what to do. I feel like coming out as trans is just so much more complicated than telling people your sexuality (I'm bi).

Guest_2350 No place for me
  • replies: 6

Hi,I’m struggling. I find it so hard to fit in and find support. It doesn’t help that I live remote. I’m just really really sad.

Hi,I’m struggling. I find it so hard to fit in and find support. It doesn’t help that I live remote. I’m just really really sad.