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BeyondBlue Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental he... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental health and wellbeing. We welcome all conversations here and want to know how you feel and what has helped you to be your best self. A few important tips and rules for this section are below. What is important is that this is a welcoming, kind and supportive space for everyone. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ+) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ+ space. Thank you and welcome Beyond Blue

MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 223

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

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Guest_294 I think I may be bisexual
  • replies: 1

Hi beyond blue. I (24F) have been on and off this forum for years with various relationship strains. I have had toxic relationships and painful relationships and relationships that seemed good on the outside but just felt wrong internally. My last po... View more

Hi beyond blue. I (24F) have been on and off this forum for years with various relationship strains. I have had toxic relationships and painful relationships and relationships that seemed good on the outside but just felt wrong internally. My last post was about my most recent relationship with S (26M). I broke it off for a number of reasons but primarily because I felt like I was losing a part of myself to the relationship. I felt like I didn’t know myself whilst I was with him. I have been in a series of long term relationships since I was 18 and am really genuinely single and enjoying that for the first time in my adult life. Recently I met a new friend, L (25F). L and I hit it off really quickly. After we met at an event, the next time we hung out, it was just the two of us and we were talking for the better part of 5 hours, until the early hours of the morning. I feel like she gets me and my brain. We share so many of the same interests, get excited about the same inane shit, and listen to each other passionately rant and rave about whatever hyper fixation we have each caught onto that day. We have since hung out every week, and generally for far longer than is reasonable. When I first met L, we talked about her experience of coming out and discovering her sexuality. It was something I had never considered before but as I started talking about certain things it started to make me reflect on recent experiences... The concert that I went to and felt like the female opener was more than just my normal observation of a girl being pretty, but instead I found her really hot. Or dancing with a girl at a club recently (I was quite drunk) and feeling like I really wanted to kiss her. I hope none of that sounded too vulgar, I am just trying to explain where my mind is right now. The more I think about this, the more I’m starting to feel like the way I feel towards L is more than just friendship. Every time I see her or even think about her I feel like I get nervous butterflies. We are very touchy friends and always cuddling up whenever we’re together or sitting very close. Every time she tells me something about herself I feel myself fixating on it. For example, we recently went to the aquarium together and there was an animal she wanted to see that wasn’t there. I immediately wanted to look up the feeding schedule and figure out when would be the best next time to go. She is so pretty and I get giddy talking to her. Even just typing this out I am feeling all giddy and happy.Part of me feels like this all sounds very transparent and I do have a crush on her but the other part of me thinks I have this tendency to form very intense friendships and over attach to people, particularly female friendships. I also am fairly recently out of a serious relationship with a man so maybe I am filling a gap??? I have never questioned my sexuality before but now I find myself thinking about it all the time. I keep trying to pay attention to people around me and see if I feel attracted to the women I am walking past as well as the men but I generally don’t feel attraction that quickly regardless and it always takes me a while. I don’t really notice it in passing. So it’s hard for me to figure out if this is just about L or if it’s something more. The other really dumb angle of this is I consume a ton of queer media. I always find myself really drawn to the queer relationships (real or unreal) in media that I consume. I listen to a lot of queer musicians and influencers. So part of me is scared I might be projecting from the media that I consume to my own life. I’m so sorry this is so rambly but I am pleading for help! Sincerely a person who is thoroughly confused at the big age of 24 to be realising she might find her new friend really hot.

Aussie Platypus Dealing with school as a queer family.
  • replies: 1

Hi! I’m gender fluid and recently started a relationship with an amazing woman. From the outside looking in we are a lesbian couple, her son is gay and my daughter is cis. There has been situations at his school (high school) and I’m worried there mi... View more

Hi! I’m gender fluid and recently started a relationship with an amazing woman. From the outside looking in we are a lesbian couple, her son is gay and my daughter is cis. There has been situations at his school (high school) and I’m worried there might become situations at my daughter’s school (primary). How do you navigate homophobia and transphobia at school. I want our kids to be safe to learn.

javixo Support group for single gay men
  • replies: 4

I am an early 40's single gay man of immigrant background and I live in Sydney. My biggest disappointment from the last many years is that I have failed to find a community of like minded individuals, a community that I feel I belong to and people I ... View more

I am an early 40's single gay man of immigrant background and I live in Sydney. My biggest disappointment from the last many years is that I have failed to find a community of like minded individuals, a community that I feel I belong to and people I feel connected with. And I have tried so many different options that ended up being just social events where I would meet people I saw only once. I wonder how many single gay men, in particular those like myself who suffer from episodes of loneliness and envisage themselves being single forever, would like to share their views or even reach out via this forum.

Oakie Worried my husband might still want to be trans
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I have been with my partner for 5 years now and now married for 6 months.About 3 yrs ago I was told about my husband’s decision to transition into a women many years ago.He lived his life like this and took hormones and was about to have gender reass... View more

I have been with my partner for 5 years now and now married for 6 months.About 3 yrs ago I was told about my husband’s decision to transition into a women many years ago.He lived his life like this and took hormones and was about to have gender reassignment surgery and then changed his mind and started to live male again.Within all of that he lost his marriage and family.This was about 15yrs ago. Then he met me and eventually told me.It was definitely a shock for me to discover.We worked through this and he told me he wasn’t interested in going down this path ever again and we have since built a life together and married.So this morning I was cleaning up and found 2 bras in his toiletries bag.I rang him and asked why he still had these.He said he didn’t know and i can just throw them outHe said the thoughts are something he is battling with alot but makes a choice to not go down that path because it hurt everyone and himself.Before we married I wanted certainty that this part of his life was done and he promised me and I trusted him.Now im feeling confused and lost.Is this his true self.I would prefer him to be his true self then fight these feeling and live a lie with me not knowing what is real and im left here not knowing really of any certainty.I love him and his masculinity is a big part of that and I did say that before we married.I have no idea what to think or feel right now.

DD72 my fiance is gay - or is he?
  • replies: 4

I feel like I'm going crazy and I don't know what to do. I have been with this man for 10 years and love him with my whole heart. But some six months after proposing to me, he came to me and told me he was gay. I was inconsolable and sobbed and sobbe... View more

I feel like I'm going crazy and I don't know what to do. I have been with this man for 10 years and love him with my whole heart. But some six months after proposing to me, he came to me and told me he was gay. I was inconsolable and sobbed and sobbed, the next morning (it can take me a while for bad news to really sink in). He came and held me, and said he loved me and didn't want to leave. Then he said he wasn't really gay, that he was only bisexual - which I thought he was, already. Fast forward a few months, and things aren't good. I thought we were making it work, but despite maintaining a pretty hot sex life, there has been tension between us. And lots and lots of arguments. I swear I don't start them all, at least not deliberately. Sometimes, all it takes is the wrong look that I give him, or I try to hug him and he pushes me away. He has also been taking more and more time to spend away from me with his gay friends. Always for 4 days at a stretch. He works as a FIFO worker, so he's usually gone from home half the time anyway. Now, it is worse. I've never been a clingy person, I'm an introvert with my own interests, but I miss him so much. This last weekend, after a tense week, he again insisted on spending 4 days away with his gay friends and a lover whom he loves (he admitted this). For the first 3 days he didn't call me, he just texted. I don't understand that, it is very hurtful. After mulling things over, realizing that I'm constantly suffering hurt, and realizing how much I hated him being away again, I decided I must end things. But telling him proved difficult. He got defensive, angry, tried to blame me for many things. What's worse, I now feel like I am making a mistake. I shouldn't feel like that. The way he has been talking to me and acting around me, is simply not the way one acts toward the person they profess to love. I can't continue living like that, and I know it. Nothing else really matters. So, why do I keep doubting myself?

Ellaminowpea Talking to a parent about gender
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I am struggling to talk to my mum about gender dysphoria and being trans. I don't have any siblings and I have a single mum, so there isn't anyone else that I feel close enough to talk to. I'm worried that she'll just say that it's normal for kids my... View more

I am struggling to talk to my mum about gender dysphoria and being trans. I don't have any siblings and I have a single mum, so there isn't anyone else that I feel close enough to talk to. I'm worried that she'll just say that it's normal for kids my age, as I'm almost 13. How do I talk to her about it while telling her that I'm sure about this?

0101 Trans wanting to come out
  • replies: 4

I'm 15 and for the past 2 years I've had thoughts that I'm trans(FTM). I didn't even think about coming out to anyone as it seems really overwhelming, but my dysphoria has been getting worse and worse and I've starting having suicidal thoughts. So I ... View more

I'm 15 and for the past 2 years I've had thoughts that I'm trans(FTM). I didn't even think about coming out to anyone as it seems really overwhelming, but my dysphoria has been getting worse and worse and I've starting having suicidal thoughts. So I really want to come out but my parents are pretty conservative in the way they wouldn't know a single trans person or much of the language surrounding trans people, and most of my close friends are cis het and I can imagine they would stop talking to me if I came out to them. Telling people on here helps but I still don't know what to do. I feel like coming out as trans is just so much more complicated than telling people your sexuality (I'm bi).

Lgos Parent of gay child feeling sad
  • replies: 7

Hi there, I'm new to BB. I've read a few posts and it seems we have a wonderful world of beautiful help out there... so I'm hoping someone can give me some advice. My story goes like this..in December I stumbled across some communications between my ... View more

Hi there, I'm new to BB. I've read a few posts and it seems we have a wonderful world of beautiful help out there... so I'm hoping someone can give me some advice. My story goes like this..in December I stumbled across some communications between my 21 year old daughter and one of her best friends, of a sexual nature. Whoa, first shock. she has had a couple of boyfriends and for the last 3 yrs was pretty much in love with another guy. I know she longed for something to happen with him. She always shared her thoughts with me. So, come January, I confronted her about the relationship with the girl friend. She told me it just happened and I think it was a shock for her too. She told me that she pictures herself having a husband and children and she is definitely not gay. So let's skip to now, April. She is still with her friend. How am I coping.. Not well. I don't want sympathy, I'm just finding this really hard. I have a good husband, supportive wise and I know my daughter is really happy so I'm glad for her. There are four of us living here, my daughter has explicitly asked me not to tell her sister, she's 18. My husband has never once had a conversation about anything, he just hugs and loves her. The secrecy, I feel like our relationship is just sooo bad now. She is a big softy like me and can't handle seeing me struggling with this so she is just living her life. She hangs out at her friends house, I guess she feels safe there. We have had 3 conversations only since December and the last one she just got so angry with me and told me to get over it! I've read 3 books, I'm re-reading them now, I go to a counsellor every few weeks and at the moment I am pretty much making my families life miserable. The silence of this subject in my house is killing me and the beautiful relationship we had. Due to my ever so slowwwww acceptance of her choice, I'm feeling like I am completely sabotaging our relationship singlehandedly. I don't know how to talk about it with her anymore.. can anyone give me some constructive advice? It's like I need someone holding my hand whilst I say to her "you know I love you so much and I need you to help me through this". It sounds so selfish of me, she too I believe must be having her own issues but she is also very happy. I just don't know how to take the simple step of trying to talk to her, the last time turned into a complete disaster. If you think you can help I'd appreciate your thoughts. L xx

Captain T Discovering I’m Asexual.
  • replies: 4

So I have discovered that I am asexual. It explains a lot of my life. I don’t see myself with a partner and never have. I don’t get any enjoyment from sex and don’t care to ever do it again. I have had some female friendships where our closeness has ... View more

So I have discovered that I am asexual. It explains a lot of my life. I don’t see myself with a partner and never have. I don’t get any enjoyment from sex and don’t care to ever do it again. I have had some female friendships where our closeness has lead to experimentation and I have found that nice and comforting. So I did question am I a lesbian but no. I don’t find men or women attractive. I feel at peace that I understand why I don’t feel like the ‘society norm’ While I know there is no such thing but the generalisation is there. Anyway I just feel that I want to put it out there.

lew Sexuality - Unsure what to do
  • replies: 1

Abit about my situation - I've been sexually attracted to men in the past, however I'm also sexually attracted to women's bodies. There has been time when I've had alot of sexual tension to men who ignite my intellectual and physical desire, however ... View more

Abit about my situation - I've been sexually attracted to men in the past, however I'm also sexually attracted to women's bodies. There has been time when I've had alot of sexual tension to men who ignite my intellectual and physical desire, however I like women too but haven't fully accepted that part of me yet and haven't come to terms with it fully. The problem is that I met a man who is very sweet and kind hearted, he has done so much for me and eventually fell in love with me, however I didn't have the same feelings for him and the attraction just wasn't there (no intellectual or physical attraction). I told him that I was bi-sexual and he knows that I like women, however he wanted to take things further and I freaked out, so we decided to end things. I feel so bad in letting him down and upsetting him though as he really cared about me - what do I do?