Sexuality and gender identity

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Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums

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Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender Identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental health and wellbeing. We welcome all conversations here and want to know how you feel and what has helped you to be your best self. A few important tips and rules for this section are below. What is important is that this is a welcoming, kind and supportive space for everyone. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ+) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ+ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ+ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ+ space. Thank you and welcome Beyond Blue

by BeyondBlue •

Community Manager•

Posted in Sexuality and gender identity

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04-03-2025

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LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place

replies: 224

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

by MsPurple •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Sexuality and gender identity

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22-08-2017

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224 unread

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Am I Gay or Trans

replies: 8

I'm confused!Am I Gay or Trans?I accepted that i was and am gay after all these years but the past few years and now I'm leaning more trans?help please

I dont think i have my own identity

replies: 5

Hi yall, so basically my entire life so far has been my parents telling me what to do. Up until maybe 2 months back i didnt really have any thoughts to myself. If my parents told me i like music and want to do it for a living then i do! And like i really hate music and just figured that out when my classmate told me i always groan and try to avoid practice during class and i dont do that with most other subjects. The same thing with crushes- my mum likes this guy so that means i do as well. I have always like pants despite my mum always always making me wear dresses- hated that since day 1 and i am a little curious as to why i feel like i am staring at women more than men? I never really had an opinion on my life and im not really sure of what i am even asking on here. Hah i guess i jist need help on like what is going on in my brain and try to make sense of this.

Is there something wrong with me?

replies: 2

I feel like I'm hideous or there's something seriously wrong with me. I've never been a popular guy, I'm disabled, queer, fat, brown and trans; so it's hard for me to make close friends, and I've never been in an actual relationship. The few people who've been interested in me have either been WAY older than me (double, sometimes triple my age) or they're "chasers" (people who sleep with trans people for clout). My best friends are in relationships, and I'm really happy for them. They deserve everything and their amazing people. I find it hard to talk to them without feeling awful. Every time they talk about their partners or show affection to them its like I'm punched in the stomach with the reminder that I have no one. They say I'm a catch and that I'm attractive, but I don't know. I'm on "the apps", I try to put myself out there, but nothing happens. The people I match with on Tinder all unmatch as soon as I send a message, and the only responses I get are for people trying to get me to join their MLMs...I just feel like I'm broken. I'm so tired of being alone. I know I'm not a ten, but I'm not completely unfortunate looking, people always say that "I'm such a great guy" and "I'll make someone really happy one day" I just wish that day would come sooner. I don't want to feel jealous anymore, I'm just tired of watching everyone around me be happy and in love when I'm always hanging around the back. I'm tired of jokes being made at my expense just because I'm single. I'm just tired and alone and I don't want to be.

Questioning Sexuality

replies: 1

I’m writing this because I’m standing at the edge of something that feels like it could change my entire life and I don’t know how to step forward without hurting a person I love. I’m a married man oof close to 30 years. My wife is kind and loyal. There’s nothing really “wrong” with our marriage in the obvious sense. And that’s what makes this so terrifying. For a long time, years, if I’m honest, I’ve been questioning my sexuality. I kept telling myself it was a phase, or curiosity, or something I could just manage quietly. But the truth is, the question hasn’t gone away. It’s gotten louder. I’m starting to think I might be gay, not just “a little unsure,” not just bi, but actually gay. Writing that sentence makes my stomach drop. Recently, something happened that forced me to stop pretending this was abstract or theoretical. I’ve made a really good friend who is a gay man. What started as an easy, supportive friendship has grown into something much heavier for me. I’ve developed strong feelings for him, feelings that surprised me with their intensity and clarity.I’ve tried to keep firm boundaries, but emotionally it’s been confronting. The connection feels different from anything I’ve allowed myself to acknowledge before and it’s made my questions about my sexuality impossible to ignore. I don’t have everything figured out. I don’t know exactly what this means for my future, my marriage, or my identity. What I do know is that continuing to live as if none of this is real feels increasingly dishonest, especially toward my wife. And that feels like its own kind of betrayal. I’m considering telling her and that thought alone feels like it could split my life into a before and an after. I’m scared of devastating her. I’m scared of losing the life we built. I’m also scared that if I don’t face this honestly, I’ll slowly disappear inside the marriage and become someone resentful, distant, or numb. I’m not asking for permission to walk away, I’m trying to understand whether honesty, even when it threatens everything, is still the right thing. If you’ve realized you were gay while married, or if you’ve had to tell a partner something that fundamentally changed your relationship: How did you know it was time to speak?How did you balance honesty with compassion?Did telling the truth ultimately lead to more damage or more integrity? I feel like I’m choosing between two kinds of loss, and I don’t know which one I can live with. Any perspective would mean a lot.

NEED SOME ADVICE

replies: 4

Hi ive recently been informed that my adult son of 29 who is married, has 2 children one aged 2 and one aged 7 weeks has secretly dressing as a woman , his wife has known about this and has asked him to stop. He has started lying, about his activity and has now posted photos online and his,wife has caught him out. The trust has obviously been broken in the marriage and having 2 small children my daughter n law is angry, hurt , stressed. My son has advised he knows he has in his words messed up and can seem stop doing this, he wants to get help to repair his marriage. Im dealing with the shock of this announcement and am struggling to give the advice that they both need. Ive suggested counselling, ive told my son I love him and support him and want to help him, and I also want to do this for my daughter n law as well , I just dont know where I can get the information, help organisations etc to support them both. Any help or suggestions would help immensely as I navigate through this difficult situation within my family

Can anyone relate??

replies: 1

Hi there, Just wondering if there are any other men, husbands and fathers who are in a heterosexual relationship but are very attracted to other men when your out in public?And if you find yourself checking out other guys are you feeling guilty and upset internally because you feel you shouldn't be attracted to the same sex, as your in a heterosexual relationship??Do you guys feel like your brain is constantly fighting with itself to stay on track then your eyes see something they like, then your in two minds??Please reach out to me.It's a hard situation to navigate.Bman40

Am I gay

replies: 4

I am so confused! for the past few years my labido has reduced. partially from prostate cancer treated with radiation. and partly from lost trust due to ex wife’s infidelities. before that i was a very sexual person. i did have my curiosity for same sex and after a few years of being single I gave in and tried sex with another man. the physical side was beyond amazing however I could not get that emotional connection. i am now remarried years later to opposite gender and love the intimacy however I don’t seem to be able to be aroused with her. I have seen specialist and have been told it’s all in my head so that leaves me to question myself AM I GAY???

I feel like I'd like to be a boy?

replies: 1

Hi again! So recently I've been questioning my gender for a few weeks, and I've asked myself various questions such as "Would it be better for me?" or "Would I be happier in my body?" and I honestly feel as if I could be free if I was a boy. Every time I glance in the mirror, I don't see a girl as I used to anymore; and I feel like a boy is staring back at me, or at least I'd like to see that one day. I've begun to feel uncomfortable with my body and every single time I wear something feminine, or even get called "she" I feel absolutely horrendous and awful on the inside, or even being called by the name I was given makes me feel disgusted and sad. I'm afraid of the fact that my parents might hate me for wanting to be a boy, so I never told them; but I have last year as I felt the same way. The results? My dad said "Just wait for a while, maybe you'll change your mind." compared to my mom who said the same, but with nicer wording; so I kept it a secret for a while. Along with that, I'd really like to be called Colin as I feel like it'd suit me the best. However I just don't think I look like a boy enough, or that I might be deemed "strange" for a boy. I'm not sure though, however I just wanna be a boy who's there to support his friends through everything. Maybe I'll tell my parents when I'm 18, but despite that they told me I'm too young to think that I'd like to be a boy. What could I do?

FTM body dysphoria

replies: 2

hi so i been on T for a year im only 31 just recently turned it, i come out late as trans because of the way i was raised and the way my family was, but my biggest issue atm is my body dysphoria! Im one of those unlucky trans man who have a large chest which makes binding or taping hard. I have tried a few binders and they either don’t fit or they leave that like extra boob or they make it look like you have one massive boob! And I can’t tape because it doesn’t do anything because of how big i am! Does anyone else have this issue and what do you do? What has worked for you? Idk what else todo and it’s messing with my mental health! Please any information will help.

What do I do?

replies: 4

So recently my grandma came over which is something that ticks me off so much; I hate to say it and I am aware, but I seriously can't stand her no matter what. She constantly tries to remind me that I will get married to a man and that I must have children and cook for my "future husband" no matter what. I understand that's how she was raised but she's pushing it onto me just because she never had a kid makes me feel awful. The thought of it sends a shiver down my spine; even by the mere thought of intimacy which I'd learnt a lot about in health class at school and would rather keep it at that because of how much it grosses me out. Anyways, when I told her I'm bisexual; she immediately lashed out at me for simply being myself. I stated that I prefer women, however I like men too but would rather keep it romantic; that's when things started to escalate. She told me that God made me this way and that I must submit to a man and have kids to have a perfect life. I shook my head and told her a simple "No, I am who I want to be." which made her frustrated, so that raised even more questions in my head (Which thankfully, aren't grandma related). So recently at my (potential) new art school, I was walking in a tour with some other people; and two people caught my eye. They were in the same grade group as I was for that tour, however that didn't help me with how much I was panicking over how gorgeous they both looked. One person was dressed masculine, and wore a baggy sweater paired with baggy jeans and had their guitar slung behind them in a bag; while they wore glasses and had shaggy long hair, the other person was a bit more feminine and wore a blouse with a plaid skirt and a low ponytail; which is what sent me into panic. But here's the real questions; "What if they're straight?" "What if they don't like me?" "What if they are disgusted by my sexuality/gender?" and I've been questioning if I am nonbinary/genderqueer as well recently, which also added another question to my head. What if they're put off by it? Gosh, what do I do? I've also been obsessing a lot over those two people I saw, so I apologise if this is all jumbled up or messy to read. They're both really pretty but I should probably become friends with them. I told this to my mom as well, however she told me to be with whoever I like the most, who is most likely the person dressed in a masculine way, but I liked the other person as well. What can I do?

Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums replies: 0

LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place replies: 224

Am I Gay or Trans replies: 8

I dont think i have my own identity replies: 5

Is there something wrong with me? replies: 2

Questioning Sexuality replies: 1

NEED SOME ADVICE replies: 4

Can anyone relate?? replies: 1

Am I gay replies: 4

I feel like I'd like to be a boy? replies: 1

FTM body dysphoria replies: 2

What do I do? replies: 4