Immediate support
Immediate support

Sexuality and gender identity

Peer support and conversations about anxiety, depression and other issues in the mental health space affecting LGBTQI+ people.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 221

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

Chris_B IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section
  • replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe spa... View more

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

All discussions

Start a discussion

Captain T Discovering I’m Asexual.
  • replies: 4

So I have discovered that I am asexual. It explains a lot of my life. I don’t see myself with a partner and never have. I don’t get any enjoyment from sex and don’t care to ever do it again. I have had some female friendships where our closeness has ... View more

So I have discovered that I am asexual. It explains a lot of my life. I don’t see myself with a partner and never have. I don’t get any enjoyment from sex and don’t care to ever do it again. I have had some female friendships where our closeness has lead to experimentation and I have found that nice and comforting. So I did question am I a lesbian but no. I don’t find men or women attractive. I feel at peace that I understand why I don’t feel like the ‘society norm’ While I know there is no such thing but the generalisation is there. Anyway I just feel that I want to put it out there.

lew Sexuality - Unsure what to do
  • replies: 1

Abit about my situation - I've been sexually attracted to men in the past, however I'm also sexually attracted to women's bodies. There has been time when I've had alot of sexual tension to men who ignite my intellectual and physical desire, however ... View more

Abit about my situation - I've been sexually attracted to men in the past, however I'm also sexually attracted to women's bodies. There has been time when I've had alot of sexual tension to men who ignite my intellectual and physical desire, however I like women too but haven't fully accepted that part of me yet and haven't come to terms with it fully. The problem is that I met a man who is very sweet and kind hearted, he has done so much for me and eventually fell in love with me, however I didn't have the same feelings for him and the attraction just wasn't there (no intellectual or physical attraction). I told him that I was bi-sexual and he knows that I like women, however he wanted to take things further and I freaked out, so we decided to end things. I feel so bad in letting him down and upsetting him though as he really cared about me - what do I do?

ceres in love with my best friend
  • replies: 11

I am a bisexual girl in high school, and I think I am in love with my best friend. I am *pretty* sure that she is gay; she's said some things that make it quite obvious, but since she hasn't technically come out to me, I'm can't be completely sure. I... View more

I am a bisexual girl in high school, and I think I am in love with my best friend. I am *pretty* sure that she is gay; she's said some things that make it quite obvious, but since she hasn't technically come out to me, I'm can't be completely sure. I only started liking her this year, but we've been friends for four years now, and we're really close. I would rather be her friend than be nothing at all, and I'm afraid that if I talk to her about it, and the feeling isn't reciprocated, it won't be the same between us. To complicate things further, me, her and another girl are a trio friendship group, and I'm concerned that if we do get together, the dynamic in our group will change in a bad way. Also, what if we break up and then we aren't friends? I just don't know what to do. do nothing? tell her? I'm not sure if I could deal with being rejected by her, but I really want to be with her in a romantic way. any advice would be appreciated!

Guest_15316039 Sort of in the closet?
  • replies: 3

I'm bisexual, and a couple of my friends know. But the issue is they act homophobic and it makes me really uncomfortable. It's not like a daily thing, more like small comments, but it still makes me conflicted on whether I should really be friends wi... View more

I'm bisexual, and a couple of my friends know. But the issue is they act homophobic and it makes me really uncomfortable. It's not like a daily thing, more like small comments, but it still makes me conflicted on whether I should really be friends with them. Also on two occasions one friend asked me (more like whispered) " are you still... you know? bi? " and I felt really upset because they think of my sexuality as a phase and not a part of me. Like out of all the things on this earth, people chose to hate on love????

JLSK Same sex husband...initially
  • replies: 1

My husband and i have been married for a little over a year. I identify as a gay male but have been labelled by others as a pansexual because I have been able to have relationships and intercourse with women. Recently my husband has come out as non-b... View more

My husband and i have been married for a little over a year. I identify as a gay male but have been labelled by others as a pansexual because I have been able to have relationships and intercourse with women. Recently my husband has come out as non-binary. Not going into unnecessary detail it feels as if my husband has made this grand statement publicly and i am to just deal with it and field questions from our families and friends as they are too scared to ask my husband in fear of insulting or i am bigoted or just see things in black and white (his words) I try my best to understand however when i try to discuss with my husband how they have come to this conclusion i am met with mild hostility, made to feel i am ignorant and my feelings are unfounded and told i see everything in black and white. I am several years older than my husband and understand there are things about the modern world i need to learn, which i am try. All research on this matter though i find geared to the non-binary individual and how i can be more understanding and accepting/supportive. I fought hard with other gay and lesbian people through the last decade to have the right to marry another man (or woman) in this country and for that i am very proud. Now i feel i am no longer married to a man as i am not able to use that term, or other masculine terms beyond husband (which is confusing in itself). The only reason i can ascertain from speaking with my husband is that his single mother who raised him instilled a negative perception of men and what it is to be male. More to this i was born intersex and underwent over 36 reconstructive surgeries to endure that i was male and be accepted by society at that time. Please, anyone help. I dont want my marriage to crumble or create a toxic and volatile home life.

Guest_23018231 Constant anxiety about wanted to come out
  • replies: 1

I've known that i wasnt straight since i started high school, and i got back into contact with someone i went to primary school with who by that time had come out as pansexual. I was with my best friend for most of our high school life close to 4 and... View more

I've known that i wasnt straight since i started high school, and i got back into contact with someone i went to primary school with who by that time had come out as pansexual. I was with my best friend for most of our high school life close to 4 and a half years and then we mutually decided to go our separate ways as we wanted to different things it was hard for me bc i did truly love her. My family knew she was my best friend and i used to frequent her house 3 to 4 times a week often staying for dinner. They do not know that at that time i thought she was the love of my life.Now i have the constant stress of hiding this part of myself from my family and my co workers which is inhibiting my work abilities as i just want them to know who i am but i dont know how to start that conversation with them.

drabmeasure I thought I was a lesbian but I think I have a crush on a guy?
  • replies: 1

I'm 25 and I've identified as a lesbian for my adult life but last week I met this guy through a friend and now I think I might have a crush on him? We were flirting all night & he asked at one point if I like both girls and guys (don't know if he wa... View more

I'm 25 and I've identified as a lesbian for my adult life but last week I met this guy through a friend and now I think I might have a crush on him? We were flirting all night & he asked at one point if I like both girls and guys (don't know if he was asking because he assumed I was gay and wanted to know if I liked him or the other way round) but I kind of avoided the question because I knew if I said I was gay it would put an end to the flirting. He dropped me home and I was a little drunk and texted him asking if he was still around if he wanted to go for a drive cause I wanted to keep hanging out with him but chickened out when he said he was down to come back to pick me up and said I needed to go to bed. We've messaged a bit and he asked me if I was free to hang out but I said no cause I feel like I need to figure this out before digging myself into too deep of a hole, plus I am seeing him next week with a group of friends so knew it wouldn't be long until I saw him again I've had times in the past where I've thought I've been attracted to a man but when it comes to anything intimate happening I freak out and pull away. This was part of the reason I decided I was a lesbian because I figured getting along really well with men but not wanting to be intimate with them is what being gay is. But I also have a weird relationship with my body (I'm nonbinary) and I've never had sex with a man so I don't know if the times I've pulled away from it is because I was too scared and not because there was a lack of attraction, and maybe the thought of being with a man made me feel too much like a woman. I found out afterwards that him and his partner broke up 2 weeks ago and felt relieved at the thought that he wouldn't want to pursue anything serious because I'm not sure if I would want to be in a relationship with him/any man I guess I'm trying to figure out if I was just enjoying the attention and the fun of flirting and having a crush or if I actually am attracted to him in that way? I don't want to get myself into the situation of leaning into it to experiment and kissing him and freaking out and making an excuse to leave because I've done that before and it's a horrible feeling - but if I kiss him and I like it and want to go further I would like to explore that. I also don't want to hurt him in the process I'm also pretty scared of having to tell my friends if anything happens between us I really don't want to come out again - does anyone have any advice??????

Guest_89244889 HOCD Getting bad each day
  • replies: 2

I need some advice My Hocd started june 2023. in english class we were watching a documatry called love on the spectrum. In the video a certain male said " he didnt know what his sexuality was he said he used to think he liked guys but after watching... View more

I need some advice My Hocd started june 2023. in english class we were watching a documatry called love on the spectrum. In the video a certain male said " he didnt know what his sexuality was he said he used to think he liked guys but after watching porn he thought he liked girls. This simply line made me start overthinking and worrying about what if im realy Gay or Bi. Since than whenver i see a good looking guy i overthink and think becuase their good looking this must think i wanna date them and do romantic stuff with them and when i think about sometimes i think i dont mind the though and others i think i dont like it all. It has caused me great distress and anxitey at the thought of being gay or BI. Before watching this video i had never had an homosexual thoughts what so ever and has just had crushes on girls. I now dont feel much for girls and only get attraction if see girls in real life and even than my brain says ur faking it. I just dont know what to do

Winesue Coming out advice needed, scared as to what the consequences will be.
  • replies: 9

I (Male, 19) want to come out and start looking for a partner of the same sex. I “found out” I was bisexual when I was 16 and more or less accepted I wasn’t straight when I was 18. I went to a mostly Christian school, grew up in a mostly Christian fa... View more

I (Male, 19) want to come out and start looking for a partner of the same sex. I “found out” I was bisexual when I was 16 and more or less accepted I wasn’t straight when I was 18. I went to a mostly Christian school, grew up in a mostly Christian family, and as a result, many of the people in my life that I am close with are both very religious and straight. I have wanted to come out for the better part of a year now, especially since starting university, but I’m extremely worried that my friends and family will either be hurt by it, or socially ostracise me.Several of my friends have begun dating and are directly asking me why I’m so awkward about looking for a partner. My fear is that they would not accept me if I got together with a guy, meaning I would loose people who genuinely mean the world to me. I already have a pretty rocky relationship with most of my family for reasons I don’t want to get into here, and I’m genuinely scared me coming out would be the killing blow of me being a part of their lives. At the same time however, I’m really eger to start dating and feel like I’m denying myself something I need in order to make other people happy (not helped by work and my uni workload).I should probably also mention that I’ve never told or even hinted that I’m bisexual to anyone. Everyone, including my Mum, is under the assumption that I’m straight and just burying myself in work and study (the study part is partially true lmfao). I have this fear that they think I should have “figured out what I like by now” and that they would be shocked or dismissive of me contradicting that internal head-cannon.I’m at a complete loss as to what to do, hoping some people here have had similar experiences and can help me rationalise all this.

Tex32 Realising I’m Gay
  • replies: 2

For a long time I’ve identified as bisexual, but recently I believe I’m gay. Realising this at 44 has been quite difficult. All my friends are married with children so they have their hands full with that. There’s no question any of them would ‘disow... View more

For a long time I’ve identified as bisexual, but recently I believe I’m gay. Realising this at 44 has been quite difficult. All my friends are married with children so they have their hands full with that. There’s no question any of them would ‘disown’ me so to speak but I don’t have anyone to talk to for support