Sexuality and gender identity

Peer support and conversations about anxiety, depression and other issues in the mental health space affecting LGBTQI+ people.

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MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 219

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

Chris_B IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section
  • replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe spa... View more

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

All discussions

MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 219

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

sbella02 How did you realise you were LGBTQIA+?
  • replies: 20

I've always replied to threads but never created one myself, so here goes. I have many queer friends, and I love hearing their stories about how and when they realised their sexuality. So I'm opening up the question to people: if you're comfortable s... View more

I've always replied to threads but never created one myself, so here goes. I have many queer friends, and I love hearing their stories about how and when they realised their sexuality. So I'm opening up the question to people: if you're comfortable sharing, when did you first realise you were part of the LGBTQIA+ community? I went to an all-girls school and never really had any contact with boys until I was about 14/15, but I never thought that experiencing attraction to girls was possible for me. When I was probably about 11 or 12, I remember that there was one girl in my class who was new, and I just really wanted to be her friend for some reason. I couldn't explain why, but I just really wanted her to like me and be friends with me. I've now recognised that this is a common experience for closeted queer women. It wasn't until I was 16 when I first started experiencing feelings towards a girl. I kept asking myself "is this a crush? these are feelings that I usually have towards boys, why am I feeling this towards a girl?". It was a strange time for me as I slowly came to realise that maybe, just maybe, I wasn't straight. I ended up coming out a year or two later to my sister, who is also queer. We had never really discussed our feelings towards the LGBTQIA+ community so didn't know how each other would react. But when one of us expressed our feelings, it was quite a pleasant surprise when the other one did too. I have since become quite open about my bisexuality. I have a little rainbow in my Instagram bio, I have many queer friends and we all like sharing in our attraction towards hot celebrities and our similar queer experiences. It's interesting that since I've immersed myself in the community, I've become quite enamoured with queer experiences, so much so that I intend to carry this passion into my career, and pursue it as a potential research avenue. I would love to work with children and adolescents in future, and to be able to be an advocate specifically for LGBTQIA+ children and teens would be so fulfilling. What's your experience of realising your identity? What's your story of coming out? I'd love to hear from fellow Beyond Blue LGBTQIA+ people. SB

ClaraPhoenix Advice for breaking the news I am Trans
  • replies: 2

Hello everyone.Recently, I have discovered that I am a 36 year old woman, living in the body of a man. I have denied it and hidden it since I was young.I need to have the discussion with family, but I am married. I love my wife, but I also need to do... View more

Hello everyone.Recently, I have discovered that I am a 36 year old woman, living in the body of a man. I have denied it and hidden it since I was young.I need to have the discussion with family, but I am married. I love my wife, but I also need to do what's right for myself, so I am hoping that there might be someone out here that has experienced this themselves and had to break the news and heart of a spouse. This is what's holding me back from being my true self.

AquarianSaga Centrelink and physical health/mental health issues.
  • replies: 2

I don't know what else to do. I'm at my wits end and even had a breakdown after what I experienced this morning. I tried to call Centrelink this morning to try and get what I thought was a 2nd exemption due to my endometriosis. I was met with being t... View more

I don't know what else to do. I'm at my wits end and even had a breakdown after what I experienced this morning. I tried to call Centrelink this morning to try and get what I thought was a 2nd exemption due to my endometriosis. I was met with being treated and spoken to like a criminal and a liar because apparently my last medical certificate I sent through wasn't accepted either so "why are you saying you where exempt? Because on our end you've never been exempt." even though I was told by a different Centrelink employee over the phone while uploading my old med cert that I would be exempt for 3 months and Workforce Australia said that I was exempt on their end but I would have to upload a new medical form which I did and it got declined by Centrelink so that's why I called them to fix the situation. After almost 2 hours of waiting over the phone just to be spoken to like absolute trash. She wouldn't even let me explain my situation and kept cutting me off saying "you don't understand" I was then fobbed off to sort it out with Workforce Australia. Since that phone call, I have sent an email across to WFA explaining the situation. Hopefully they reply and can actually help me but I don't know what else to do and I feel incredibly anxious and depressed due to been made to feel like a liar even though I know I'm not. After that experience this morning I had a breakdown. I'm so confused, frustrated, anxious and depressed and I'm just trying to help myself especially before I go into surgery for my endometriosis. I just feel like ending it all over a stupid phone call. I know I'm not going to get any help anyway so what's the point. I'm just a number, not a human.

Haydennn Feelings of shame when attracted to other men
  • replies: 3

I’m a gay male that’s been out for over 20 years. I’ve been single most of my life, except for a few short-lived relationships. I’ve recently begun thinking I have internalised homophobia against myself, and am a little surprised by this. I love bein... View more

I’m a gay male that’s been out for over 20 years. I’ve been single most of my life, except for a few short-lived relationships. I’ve recently begun thinking I have internalised homophobia against myself, and am a little surprised by this. I love being gay and the gay community so I didn’t expect to be coming to this realisation. I’ve found that, over the years, I’ve started to call myself “creepy” whenever I find myself attracted to other men and wish I could find ways to interact with them. A lot of the time, I fixate on the fact that I don’t know the sexuality of strangers I see on the street that I find attractive, so I call myself creepy for not first knowing their sexual orientation for it to be “okay” to be attracted to them. Additionally, I don’t think I have much “game” in terms of charisma or confidence to indicate attraction and approach someone, so I don’t and then get caught up in feelings of shame and low self-esteem. Do others experience this? I’ve just started seeing a new therapist and hope to explore this down the track, but this whole “I’m a creep for being attracted to men” mindset is something that I think has held me back from pursuing relationships for a long time. How have others dealt with similar unhelpful thoughts/beliefs?

qld_dad44 Do I or Dont I Discuss my Desire to be with a Guy as I believe Im Closet Bi wanting to Come out
  • replies: 2

Hi, I am a 44 year old man. I can happily say my wife and I have been together for 21years and married for 16. She's the mother of our 2 adult kids amd 2 younger kids, she's my best friend, she's my rock and she is my everything to a point except I f... View more

Hi, I am a 44 year old man. I can happily say my wife and I have been together for 21years and married for 16. She's the mother of our 2 adult kids amd 2 younger kids, she's my best friend, she's my rock and she is my everything to a point except I feel as if there is something missing and a void that needs to be filled. I must admit before i go any further I do still find my wife very attractive and I love her deeply. We have sex often. There are times due to my injury and my medications I do tend to have "performance issues" or in some instance which do happen quite often I tend to turn off the attraction to females especially my wife and deviate to thoughts of being with another guy. For around the last 2 years or so, at times, I have desired and fantasized about being intimate with another man even when we are not having sex. I have only recently decided to express and discuss these urges in a safe but discrete way and hopefully which i have come across someone that is willing to explore the option of joining us in our marital bed. I've not had any encounters with another man and i wouldnt do anything like that Physically to jeopardise what my wife and I have I decided recently to search for a partnered or single bi man or couple to explore the possible options with and as mentioned i did come across one particular Guy that really ticks all my boxes as for her that is yet to be discussed, Although I'm still not 100% sure if I'm really into other men sexually, or if it is just curiosity and fantasy, and that once I've done it I will either will or won't want to do it again. I would just like to explore this avenue with her instead of opting for the frowned upon act of cheating on her. I feel quite guilty doing discussing this behind behind her back without discussing it with her first, but male intimacy is something that she obviously can't provide and I feel it's something I need to explore, for me. In addition it would too I believe would enhance the sexual experience for her Having not only 1 but 2 guys to play with. I don't how to talk about or raise this subject with her. I don't plan on starting a relationship outside of our relationship and i certainly dont intend on exploring "getting off" with another man behind her back. Im certainly ok if she does accept my desires but will only accept it if it is out of her view and only at her request if that be the case. I assure you she does have and has had gay/bi friends and accepts them for who they are. I think she would be quite shocked to hear my possible sexual orientation. I don't want to lose everything we've built together over the past 21 years Is it wrong for me to not tell her because im fearful of her response and go on as if nothing has changed or do I just Bite the Bullet and Possibly wreck everything.

Anna5231 Making friends as an adult
  • replies: 2

I'm 25 and honestly really struggling with making friends as an adult. I find that a lot of the people I talk to either already have their friendship group or just spend all their time with their partner. I love my partner and have some girlfriends, ... View more

I'm 25 and honestly really struggling with making friends as an adult. I find that a lot of the people I talk to either already have their friendship group or just spend all their time with their partner. I love my partner and have some girlfriends, but just feel like we need more people to socialise with. How do you find friends as an adult? I study and work and just find it impossible to meet people. Does anyone feel the same? Or is it just me

Guest_9866 Where to find self-help resources
  • replies: 2

Seeking self-help resources in general. I find plenty of reports, generic information, or story-telling. But no success in finding proper self-help resources (e.g how to analyse and stragedies for self-help). Some under 25 target audience sites touch... View more

Seeking self-help resources in general. I find plenty of reports, generic information, or story-telling. But no success in finding proper self-help resources (e.g how to analyse and stragedies for self-help). Some under 25 target audience sites touch on questioning, being comfortable and coping but only at introduction level. I am looking for "solid resources" for self-help (not the fuzzy-feel but solid strategies to overcome issues like internal phobia, sexuality isolation, sex anxiety for older person etc). Global resources or further library psychology reading accepted.

Mc_fluffy Rural gay man with brain disease not feeling heard
  • replies: 5

This is not needing a response, rather is vent into the digital universe. I'm new here. As a gay man in a rural area I feel left out not only for my sexuality, but also due complex chronic health issues. Brain disease, frequent seizures, lupus, bone ... View more

This is not needing a response, rather is vent into the digital universe. I'm new here. As a gay man in a rural area I feel left out not only for my sexuality, but also due complex chronic health issues. Brain disease, frequent seizures, lupus, bone issues that result in frequent broken bones. I feel invisible. My health means I cannot drive so need to travel by bus 8 hours for medical appointments. Recently I attended a GP in our town and was yelled at in the waiting room for being an AIDS carrier in front of people waiting. As someone who has a physical reactive, responsive brain, I feel neglected, ignored, and patronised in many ways. Sometimes the physical changes in my brain result in socially unacceptable physical responses. A seizure in public will most likely result in urinating and pooing myself. A recent seizure in an airport was treated as if a threat and Fed Police activated. While being treated in soiled clothes by emergency responders and carted off to ER. Beyond that there are additional issues of significant injuries and scaring the heck out of nearby strangers. Gawkers and busy bodies, I have found videos of myself seizing and being treated on the internet. Often seizures or uncontrolled physical changes in brain responses can result in visits to the ER and run the risk of being placed in an induced coma or at the extreme death. A different seizure not long recently resulted in fractured vertebra. Recovery can take hours, days, weeks to become lucid. I am finding it increasingly difficult to be cordial or appropriate when people offer dismissive, patronising sympathies or support… “focus on the good things… it will be alright… etc”. It is not good, and it will never ever be alright! Those of us with severe structural brain differences or decline need to look at these issues straight on, directly into the face. Trying to offer glib responses makes it worse. Damage to the brain can result in learning and adaptive difficulties, being compared with causes harm and is deflating. I feel my concerns of mental “emotional” welfare is being swamped by other forms of expression or needs. I need a psychiatrist, however they are like hens teeth. Again this is not needing a response, just venting and shaking my fists into the sky…

maddietige 16 teen girl and confused anxiety or is it denial.
  • replies: 7

Hi i’m a 16 year old girl and I have always thought as myself to be straight, having crushes, butterflies and fantasies towards boys has always been a thing. Although, I attend an all girls school and contact with boys is limited. I have never had a ... View more

Hi i’m a 16 year old girl and I have always thought as myself to be straight, having crushes, butterflies and fantasies towards boys has always been a thing. Although, I attend an all girls school and contact with boys is limited. I have never had a boyfriend or kissed a guy just crushes and talking stages. All the other girls in my friend group see any hot guy and automatically fetish over him whereas I do this sometimes. I've got two older brothers and a male dominated family so idk I always felt like that was why. A few months ago I was told that at the start of year 7 a few people thought I was a lesbian. To be honest, my mum was sick at the time and my brothers and dad were just trying to raise me and get me through. So hair and make up just wasn't a thing. I was also kind of a tomboy. I kinda just went "oh i'm not" and moved on. Ever since then it's really gotten to me. I've never crushed, dreamt about or had any urges to kiss a girl etc. My friend group have never brought it up to me, and in the moment when they heard people thought that they were shocked. My problem is, a girl that is apart of the LGBTQ community thought it.The problem is because people thought I was lesbian i just can't get it out of my head. (I suffer from a disorder where intrusive thoughts and anxiety are common side effects) I mainly started to question when I heard some of my friends talking about wether this person was gay or not. Mainly because one of the girls that thought I was Lesbian in year 7 is gay. I started thinking "omg what if i'm gay and don't know it because she thought I was and what if I've just never met the right girl". Because of this I've been constantly going onto places like quora, tiktok and forums. Reading up on hocd, denial and all different sexualities. I have alot of the same things factors of hocd, which im happy to talk about. It's been months of this googling and crying. Its honestly scared me, ive seen tiktoks saying "if you thought about it more than three times, your gay" and things about "everyone knowing I was gay before I did". Its honestly freaking me out. I've now started to blush when I see girls on my tiktok and I have a few times when my friends have touched me. I am even analysing moments in the past now too. PLS HELP!