Coming Out, Again!!

[Monarch]

I see a lot of good people here that are struggling with coming out or questioning their sexuality, gender or all of the above. I'm a gay man in my mid 40's and have been "out" now for about 25 years. I consider myself just an average bloke, I don't fit the stereo type and that's fine with me. I struggled when coming out to some family members and friends but I've always just thought, if they don't accept the whole me, I don't need them. Our sexuality or gender does not define us as human beings. People love judging others and pigeon holing other people. Maybe it gives them some sort of validation.  I had a bunch of gay friends when I was young but always struggled with coming out at work or other social situations.  Initially I thought why should I come out in the work place, at the sporting club or when volunteering. It does not define me as a person. I didn't go out of my way to hide the fact either but there was nearly always some clown who needed their own self validation and decided to be rude to say the least. I hate rude people. I felt comfortable coming out in some workplaces and not others.  Unfortunately I was harassed and bullied regardless.  I didn't have the witty acid tongue of some of my friends. Despite my indifferent attitude, I still seem to to take effect at what other people think. My very own validation.  I haven't stopped coming out to people for 25 years. I feel worn down by it sometimes. I am on my own just at the moment due to mental and physical illness. As I recover I know I will need to get out there amongst it all and decide whether to come out, again.  There's no magic pill or someone with a PhD that can help me. For me, recovery must come from within. Forgive my rant for want of sleep. Stay fabulous people!

[Croix]

Dear Monarch~

Welcome here to the forum, a place where you will not be harassed over gender , quite the opposite. If you look around you will find may threads about this subject, people's experiences and how they have coped.

It is a sad fact that some people think being part of the LBTQIA+ section of society is funny or undesirable. Not always the sort of peple one can easily reason with.

As a result I think I would be asking myself if, on any specific occasion, disclosing one's gender is necessary as it may lead to greif.obviously in some circumstances, such as the  start of a realtionship it is appropriate, on the other hand for an awful lot of employment and activities it is not needed.

So I guess I'm saying be kind to yourself and only act our of necessity rather than principal. Not a complete answer I know, but what is?

Croix

[Monarch]

Hello Croix,

Thanks for the reply. 

"only act our of necessity rather than principal." wise words

[Croix]

Dear Monarch~

Thank you. I've been wondering how you are getting on. You face difficult situations and I'm hopeful you can manage them with little harm to yourself  and hopefully some pleasure

Croix