Sexuality and gender identity

Peer support and conversations about anxiety, depression and other issues in the mental health space affecting LGBTQI+ people.

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Pinned discussions

MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 219

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

Chris_B IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section
  • replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe spa... View more

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

All discussions

anon_1475 invalidity
  • replies: 2

i tried to talk to my bf a month ago about my gender identity issues and he made a joke out of it. i don’t think he views my gender issues or even sexuality as a serious matter. i‘ve just kind of pretended it didn’t hurt

i tried to talk to my bf a month ago about my gender identity issues and he made a joke out of it. i don’t think he views my gender issues or even sexuality as a serious matter. i‘ve just kind of pretended it didn’t hurt

Pixel8 Coming out support - Gay, Married w/ Kids
  • replies: 1

Hi there, Wanted to share my story in the hope it might help others and also looking for recommendations of finding like-minded guys who can relate. I am 35 and have been in a single relationship pretty much straight out of highschool. Married for ab... View more

Hi there, Wanted to share my story in the hope it might help others and also looking for recommendations of finding like-minded guys who can relate. I am 35 and have been in a single relationship pretty much straight out of highschool. Married for about 8 of those years with two incredible kids. Our relationship has always been strong on all fronts, including sex-life. Having said that though I have always been sexually attracted to guys only. A few weeks ago, I recently found the courage to share this with my wife. As I expected this caused a lot of hurt and pain for both of us and was very emotionally draining. What I wasn't quite expecting was the incredible support from my wife. Having said that we both acknowledge that our marriage cannot continue this way and for everyones (including the kids) best possible future we are making baby steps towards a goal of co-parenting. We are but at the beginning of what will be a long journey ahead. I believe our strong friendship bond will put us in good stead to make this happen, and continue to look out for each other. This means I have given her the space she needs as well as her leaning on the support of our friends (which after such a long time, have basically become intertwined). While a few have also offered words of support to me during this time I am torn at leaning on them too much right now (and worry how emotionally tolling that would be for them too). I also acknowledge that part of my journey will need to involve forging my own friendships that can better relate and help me discover more in this nextstage of life for me. My problem is I dont know where or when to begin. I dont want to jump too fast into anything but at the same time feel like now I have spoken my truth I should be living it. And not even sure where to begin; there seems to be a huge (at least comparitively) list of support groups for youth but nothing for someone my age. I just want to try and meet people and forge some new bonds without any expectations of sex or dating which seem to be the intent of most options I have found. Any words of advise or suggestions would be incredible; and love to hear any similar stories.

smartkitty1 I don't understand gender or pronouns. Help
  • replies: 8

All my life I was raised not knowing the difference in gender. I believed from the start that boys and girls were exactly the same. Mum tried to raise me feminine but I always just sticked to being myself, not seeing anything as feminine or masculine... View more

All my life I was raised not knowing the difference in gender. I believed from the start that boys and girls were exactly the same. Mum tried to raise me feminine but I always just sticked to being myself, not seeing anything as feminine or masculine. I knew what tomboys were and girly girls but I also thought that anyone could be girly or masculine without any issue. I was also a shy quiet person but also a huge trouble maker that climbed out of my kindergarten many times lol. Anyway I'm now 18yrs and I realize that gender has difference, however It feels like people decide what gender is based on stereotypes and gender roles, for instance my transmale friend said that if I hate makeup and dress like a guy then I can't be a girl.... and other people have said this to me so now I just wonder "what makes a girl a girl?" If wearing makeup is what makes a girl a girl and I don't wear makeup than who am I? If I don't do anything stereotypically girl like then am I a girl?. I know being a girl is to identify as a girl but what makes someone female? and what makes someone male? I can't help but feel like it is based on what people saw on the media. A girl cares about looks, seems neat and organized, quiet, soft, feminine. But why is it like that, I thought society wanted me to be myself why do I have to make myself like that just to be a girl? See before this I used to just see gender as labels, like a personality trait, it didn't affect much but suddenly its a huge deal. People say that what makes gender different is the clothes and personality, but I always believed that boys could wear dresses and skirts, I always believed that boys could be feminine same with girls for the opposite, so even with that, I saw no difference. And the same I feel with pronouns, I never saw gender in pronouns. My friend said to me "I feel like she/her pronouns makes me think of girly women and thats not me" and I just didn't understand what they were saying, society made you think thats what she/her pronouns means? but I thought she/her he/him they/them were just labels, and I always have thought that. I just don't get it. I see gender equality as I guess the literal meaning and I guess I'm wrong for it. I just don't understand why I can't be myself and still be a girl, why I can't prove that girls can be good at minecraft, hate hair, hate makeup ect... but still identify as one? If gender is based on society roles then why do we see it as such an importance? Sorry...

xo_hayleyox lgbtq+ name and identity
  • replies: 3

I’m in a bit of a pickle here,my name is Haylen and I have had it for a while now, I’m starting to become unhappy with that and realising it’s not a name, everybody I talk to is saying that they have NEVER heard of the name and that it isn’t a name a... View more

I’m in a bit of a pickle here,my name is Haylen and I have had it for a while now, I’m starting to become unhappy with that and realising it’s not a name, everybody I talk to is saying that they have NEVER heard of the name and that it isn’t a name at all, I don’t care what people think or say about me it’s just that i’m seeing that they are sorta right about it, I’m so used to Haylen but I want a more boy name, I want to keep the H and A in my name so I thought of the name Hayden and actually liked it.

MitchL Gay and single in Adelaide and difficulty socialising
  • replies: 23

Hi everyone. I am new here. I live in Adelaide, I am gay and I am pretty much struggling to find a partner and maintaining a circle of friends. I came across a message from a user who said the following about the dating apps "I was mostly ignored and... View more

Hi everyone. I am new here. I live in Adelaide, I am gay and I am pretty much struggling to find a partner and maintaining a circle of friends. I came across a message from a user who said the following about the dating apps "I was mostly ignored and came away feeling annoyed and frustrated. I did my best to relate to others and tried to find a connection with someone, but I felt as though I was wasting my time because my effort and enthusiasm was not reciprocated." This is exactly what I have been going through myself. In addition, the circle of friends I have are mostly couples who have their own schedule and I see them very rarely and it is usually me who has to take the initiative and organize something. Even then it might take ages for us to decide on a date, time and place. I was wondering if there is anyone out there from Adelaide who has been experiencing the same issues and if you would have any tips/suggestions for me, as I have reached a stage where this is getting me down. Thank you in advance. Have a great day.

Colinandiamgay Hi
  • replies: 1

I come out Gay at 64yo and I kept it in the back of my mind for many years, so now I have come out as gay I am feeling more relaxed and happy with my self

I come out Gay at 64yo and I kept it in the back of my mind for many years, so now I have come out as gay I am feeling more relaxed and happy with my self

TJW1331 Re. Coming out
  • replies: 2

Hi, My 12 yrs old daughter came out as a lesbian to me this year. I'm very supportive of her. However, I've been separated from her Dad a long time, but she hasn't come out to him. Last week, I found out she has been self harming and has suicidal pla... View more

Hi, My 12 yrs old daughter came out as a lesbian to me this year. I'm very supportive of her. However, I've been separated from her Dad a long time, but she hasn't come out to him. Last week, I found out she has been self harming and has suicidal plans. She says she feels numb and thinks of suicide 2x a week. I had known she was sad, and had been encouraging her to talk with someone, but I hadn't realised how deeply she's been depressed. I've got a mental health plan for her. My daughter has come out to her close friends as well. She says her self harming and suicidal thoughts aren't related to her coming out. But I feel they are, as when she goes to her Dad's house she is hiding who she is from her Dad and half-brothers. Her Dad isn't supportive of same-sex relationships and has made inappropriate comments about being gay infront of my daughter and has strong Catholic beliefs. Of course not realising she's gay. I feel somewhere deep inside herself my daughter feels shame. I would like to tell her father, as I know he loves her. I feel if he knew maybe he might realise that his comments are having a harmful impact on his daughter. My daughter really doesn't want him to know as fears she will lose his relationship. I know it would be really difficult to tell her Dad, I would gladly be her support person, but I know in time he would come round. I feel she's been hiding so much deep inside and I think she's struggling to understand it all. I want to respect my daughter's wishes and I won't tell her Dad without consent. Has anyone out there been in a similar situation and has some words of advice for my daughter and myself? She has a supportive friendship group and school environment and she is saying nothing bad is happening there.

Theopheria Everything that’s happening in America
  • replies: 2

I’ve been hearing a lot online about what America is doing to trans people in particular and at first I thought it was fake but then I did research and I saw all the laws and statements and it made me feel afraid. Afraid that people like me are being... View more

I’ve been hearing a lot online about what America is doing to trans people in particular and at first I thought it was fake but then I did research and I saw all the laws and statements and it made me feel afraid. Afraid that people like me are being treated like that. Is there something wrong with the way that I am? What did we do to deserve that? I’m scared that I’m going to be harmed for being who I am.theo (fae/faer)

angie0706 Dating
  • replies: 5

I have never had a girlfriend I have never done anything with a girl and I feel like I never will I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I don’t know if it’s because I am overweight and not attractive. I feel like I will be single forever and not find lo... View more

I have never had a girlfriend I have never done anything with a girl and I feel like I never will I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I don’t know if it’s because I am overweight and not attractive. I feel like I will be single forever and not find love.

Centaured Tdov yesterday
  • replies: 1

Trans day of visibility yesterday I feel like I can't be out safely. I don't feel safe anymore. Not from anyone

Trans day of visibility yesterday I feel like I can't be out safely. I don't feel safe anymore. Not from anyone