What do you all think?

[Guest_68072773]

Here is a timeline of what I've experienced over the past few months

Late december:

On a call with a friend and we are talking and playing online games and I say "don't f*** with me" as we were playing FPS games (first person shooter games) and I hear is brother (who was my best friend) say that in a very low voice "I would". This disturbed me and I started to think does he like me? I've always been a religious person who was conservative values, especially at my age. And I start to think "am I into him?" And that persisted over 2-3 weeks and I avoided him when school started and the thought went away. And the thought of me being attracted to him made me feel yucky and really disturbed so this is how I knew I wasn't gay or anything of that nature.

Mid febraury:

(Gotten past over the events of december but still avoiding this person) My brother and I contract covid and we isolate for 4 days. I remember talking to him one night and the topic of my crush (who I've like for over 1 year) came up and how my friends were calling me "gay" because I couldn't speak to that girl. I went to sleep questioning whether or not I am gay.

Late march:

Been suffering constant intrusive thoughts about "whether or not I am gay". At this point I've practically ghosted my friends that called me gay. I'm on this chat with friends and friends of mutual friends and there is this one particular person of the same sex who has opened up to me in the past about his feelings for me and (idk if this was the right response or not) I rejected him and didn't think squat about it. Now I see him message all of a sudden and this feeling of doubt and stress fills me. I've been in this chat with him for around a few weeks and this never happened and (I wish I was never there) now I feel this weird feeling whenever I see him. It's like the feeling of attraction but instead of the happiness and joy that I feel towards this crush of mine I feel a sense of dread and shame. Ontop of this weird feeling of attraction like this one and the one from february I feel my attraction to my crush and the opposite sex fade away, and only in rare moments do I feel strongly attracted to my crush. I develop the same feelings towards a few of my male friends (like the one I explained above) but it goes away over the course of day/s or week/s. 

April:

Shit hits the fan. I still feel these feelings, I still get the intrusive thougths of whether or not I am gay or am I in denial all that stuff. I suffer a panic attack.
 

[white knight]

Hi, welcome 

You are in the age group of uncertainty, a era that results in confusion,  kaos and often low self esteem. With low self esteem, if you have it, any sign someone is attracted to you will cause hesitation and wonder. 

For these reasons some will jump in and often mess up their lives with ridicule and bullying, so best advice is to relax, learn relaxation techniques and don't enter into any serious relationship until you are certain of your desires.

Finally, it's OK to be confused and all the other feelings, they will sort themselves out over time but one comment (that might not have been serious) isn't enough to lose sleep over.

In the meantime casually think about what you desire in people, discount what people tell you about yourself.

"You are your own expert on YOU"

TonyWK