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MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 221

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

Chris_B IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section
  • replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe spa... View more

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

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Earth Girl People assuming I like them even when I don't
  • replies: 11

I think I might be bisexual because I like guys and am curious about girls, but a lot of people assume I'm a lesbian and some girls just assume that I like them when it's very often not the case. I'm shy and socially awkward so it's easy for people t... View more

I think I might be bisexual because I like guys and am curious about girls, but a lot of people assume I'm a lesbian and some girls just assume that I like them when it's very often not the case. I'm shy and socially awkward so it's easy for people to make rumors about me (such as saying I'm a lesbian). Someone even said that I have an "off manliness" about me. I don't know what it is that I do that makes people think that because some people say I'm really gentle and that's not seen as a "manly" trait. When I was in year 7, there was a girl there who seemed to think I was gay and that I liked her and I don't know why. I sat next to her once because she was sitting next to the spot where I usually sat. I had literally NO attraction to her though. I went to this program place for people with mild disabilities and this girl there seemed like she felt uncomfortable around me and so did her sister who sometimes came and they would talk about me. I wasn't even attracted to them at all though, they really were NOT my type. There was another girl there who I wasn't attracted to either, but if I were to be attracted to someone there, it would have been her and she seemed to be fine with me. Sometimes when I do find a girl kind of attractive/make me a bit confused, they seem to be able to tell and other times they can't. But even when they can tell, they seem to think I'm more attracted to them than I really am and they sometimes seem uncomfortable. I feel kind of bad about this. And sometimes when I come out as bisexual to someone, they start acting uncomfortable around me, even if I'm not attracted to them at all. I don't know what to do about all this. Also, do I seem "masculine/manly" to you? I don't know what exactly it is that makes people think that. Why do some girls assume I like them even when I have no attraction to them at all? Most days I dress quite girly and my voice usually sounds soft and high.

AzzaFromAdelaide Help me understand the "coming out" process
  • replies: 4

Hi all Im new here, so please go gentle. I'm a 30 year old male, and I identify myself as Bi Sexual, but for the most part I'm attracted to men. I'm really struggling to understand the whole Coming Out process. I've been attracted to the same sex for... View more

Hi all Im new here, so please go gentle. I'm a 30 year old male, and I identify myself as Bi Sexual, but for the most part I'm attracted to men. I'm really struggling to understand the whole Coming Out process. I've been attracted to the same sex for 10+ years, my family and friends don't know I'm bisexual but I also I don't feel I'm living a lie as I have never been asked about my sexuality. I really don't want to make a big deal of my sexuality but I feel it's holding me back, I'm not after a big celebration. I think I've been waiting for someone to approach me on this, perhaps it shifts the awkwardness if a friend brings up the topic. Has anyone gone or going through the same situation. I just need some guidance and support. Much love to you all. Aaron

Cheersdad Make up
  • replies: 7

My 14year old son came out last year, we’re fine with it now he’s started painting his nails and got some eyeliner. I’m happy for him to express himself but can’t help worrying about him being bullied on attacked when he’s out. We talk and he seems h... View more

My 14year old son came out last year, we’re fine with it now he’s started painting his nails and got some eyeliner. I’m happy for him to express himself but can’t help worrying about him being bullied on attacked when he’s out. We talk and he seems happy plenty of friends doing well at school. It just scares me because I know what people can be like. Any advice would be greatly appreciated

Toots81 When/ how to come out? I am 40.
  • replies: 3

I’ve know Im bisexual all my life really… but 2 failed marriages (to men) later and I am finally in a really happy relationship with another woman. However none of my family know, and none of her family know. My family are very religious and I can’t ... View more

I’ve know Im bisexual all my life really… but 2 failed marriages (to men) later and I am finally in a really happy relationship with another woman. However none of my family know, and none of her family know. My family are very religious and I can’t imagine my mum understanding. Im really reliant on my family for support with my kids as I’m a single mum. My girlfriend isn’t ready to come out either, and we have spoken about when would be the right time. We’re thinking sometime toward the end of the year… but as yet we’re both too nervous about our family and friends’ reactions. The problem is that I work away from her for a few nights a week and I miss her so badly. Everyone thinks I’m nuts because I seem to miss my bestie so much! (It seems if she was my boyfriend it’d be easier because I could say I’m sad cos I’m missing them) even though I have zero attraction to men at the moment and have a really happy relationship with my girlf. anyway, my question really is: to come out earlier than planned just so I can have some support when I’m missing her? Or stick to the plan because the response I get is probably going to be negative anyhow 🤷‍

Stuck_in_the_closet I’m really confused
  • replies: 7

I’ve been questioning my sexuality for years. A while ago, I was convinced I was straight. But then I realised some things that didn’t match: 1) As a female, I lacked the sexual attraction to any males I knew. I considered if I was asexual but quickl... View more

I’ve been questioning my sexuality for years. A while ago, I was convinced I was straight. But then I realised some things that didn’t match: 1) As a female, I lacked the sexual attraction to any males I knew. I considered if I was asexual but quickly realised I didn’t connect with the label. However, although I don’t think I have sexual attraction for males I do recognise when a male is attractive. Sometimes I would feel nervous/get butterflies when talking to males, but I avoid talking to people often regardless. On top of that, I can’t tell if my previous male ‘crushes’ where just due to comphet, as I didn’t ever want to kiss them or even dream of taking things further, and I didn’t feel put out in the least when they began dating other people. 2) I always appreciated the female figure more, even when I thought I was straight. I even remember wondering why females were so much more beautiful than males 3) I’ve fantasised about both males and females, but the fantasies of males have always been related to things consumed through the media and society and so I can’t tell how I really feel about it. 4) When I thought I was straight, every time I pictured the ‘ideal’ partner it was always what so sorry dictated was the perfect body, perfect personality, etc. but societies dictations aren’t even a consideration for me when I picture a female partner. 5) Often I end up watching the female characters in movies rather than the males. And, the typical males in movies generally don’t take my interest at all. I’ve watched movies before when I was more focused on one actress than the actual movie itself. However: 1) I go through times when I am 100% certain I’m lesbian, but then I convince myself otherwise and it really confuses me. Some days I’m ‘certain’ that I like males, and then I’m just not. It really confuses me. 2) I also feel pressure to not come out because when I was much younger I had a few people ask if I was gay and I said no, because at that point that’s what I had whole heartedly believed, but now I feel like because I said I was straight before. 3) And, despite what I said earlier I can’t help but think what if I’m wrong and I’m straight, or what if I’m only considering my sexuality because Of my awareness of the LGBTQ+ community 4) And most of all I’m also very concerned about coming out in case I realise I’m wrong or I don’t actually like females and I was wrong. Any insight or advise, I’m really confused.

fluidangel83 coming out to your partner that you are trans question
  • replies: 10

OK here it goes even though im not sure how to word this. I have battled Anxiety, Clinical Depression and what i now realise is dysphoria over my gender since i was in my teens (im now 39) i have come to realise that im pretty sure im a trans woman b... View more

OK here it goes even though im not sure how to word this. I have battled Anxiety, Clinical Depression and what i now realise is dysphoria over my gender since i was in my teens (im now 39) i have come to realise that im pretty sure im a trans woman but alas i am married with a child who i love very much. I know the consequences will be bad if i come out to my wife because she is about as homo/trans phobic as they come (a fact i didn't know even after knowing her for 4 years before we started dating). She already knows im bi (in fact im pan but its just too hard to explain to her the difference) which ended up in a massive verbal barrage against me and her threatening divorce After spending a few days away from her on my own embracing my femininity I feel like something has changed in me and im not the same person i was when I left. Im scared that going back to playing the cis hetro husband is going to break me because i cant fight who i am much longer.

AJ76 Coming out after marriage and kids
  • replies: 5

I have been with my husband for over 20 years, married for 12 of those years and we have 3 beautiful children under the age of 11. For the longest time, I have struggled with my sexuality. Over the years, I have been to counselling with the hope of '... View more

I have been with my husband for over 20 years, married for 12 of those years and we have 3 beautiful children under the age of 11. For the longest time, I have struggled with my sexuality. Over the years, I have been to counselling with the hope of 'turning these feelings off'. Prior to getting married and having kids, I had an affair with a woman for 12 months. While it was an awful time for many reasons, the feelings of intimacy I experienced being with a woman was like nothing I had experienced before. It all felt so right. I have not been with a woman since as I chose to get married and start a family. My husband is aware of these feelings and has been wonderful and supportive of me. After a recent discussion where I opened up to him that these feeling weren't going away, as hard as I was trying to make the, he said that he would be okay with me 'hooking up with a woman if it didn't involve feelings. Personally, this is not something I would want to do. We have an amazing relationship in that we are great friends and enjoy each other's company. We work well together as parents and have curated a lovely family life. But there are times when these feelings really take a toll on my mental well-being. I find it difficult to be present for my family, and even the most menial tasks feel exhausting. I think about being with women more than I care to admit, and over the years have developed crushes on female friends and colleagues. I crave the intimacy of being with a woman. I don't want to leave my husband and split up our family. I don't really see a solution that doesn't result in someone getting hurt. How on earth do I reconcile these feelings? How do I keep my family together and live my truth?

Amanda2000 parents - how to respond to your child coming out
  • replies: 1

My teenager has opened up to me and come out as an LGBT person. Not a total surprise to me as I had been noticing a few things here and there. Just sharing my experience here. To the parents:Even if you think you already know beforehand, be patient a... View more

My teenager has opened up to me and come out as an LGBT person. Not a total surprise to me as I had been noticing a few things here and there. Just sharing my experience here. To the parents:Even if you think you already know beforehand, be patient and wait for your child to "come out" when they're ready.Chances are they had already come out to their friends and siblings. You may be the last one to know. But don't be offended. Your poor child has been struggling to make sense of all of this on their own and no doubt they fear disapproval/rejection from us. Our immediate response as parents is critical and sets the tone for the future. Shower them with unconditional love and support, make them feel safe that they don't need to deal with this alone and you'll always be there for them. Give them plenty of assurance that they are still the same person to us regardless.Save your personal opinion for another time later down the track when things are more settled. Your child may misinterpret your personal view as being judgmental.Remember those perfect-mum characters in TV shows that we all wished we had when we were dealing with our own teen issues (Brady Bunch, The Wonder Years, 90210)? They're always so calm & sweet & nurturing. That's exactly what your child needs from you right now. For any dads reading this, I think your child will find comfort in feeling the sensitive vibe from you. To the ones still in the closet (both young and old):Your parents/family/friends may be more understanding than you think.If their immediate reaction is not what you had hoped for, it could just be that they are worried. There will be challenges ahead. Be patient and give them time to process this. Try to educate them bit by bit so that they can better understand over time.

mamabear01 My Son
  • replies: 2

Hi all, My teenage son recently told me that he is Bi. I have absolutely no trouble with this and love him exactly the same. A bit of back story….my mum (his nan) passed at the beginning of the year which really affected him. My husband also has Park... View more

Hi all, My teenage son recently told me that he is Bi. I have absolutely no trouble with this and love him exactly the same. A bit of back story….my mum (his nan) passed at the beginning of the year which really affected him. My husband also has Parkinson’s/Dementia and my son sees his dad declining. He also recently broke up with his girlfriend (online only) This led to depression and him being overwhelmed, luckily with the support of a fantastic gp he was put on anti depressents and seemed to be doing really well. Then he said he liked a girl at school but that was only like a crush that lasted a hot minute. Fast forward to him telling me he is bi. We went out for coffee and I asked him what made him feel this way eg, have you met someone? He said he has met someone (gaming online once again ) Red flags came up when he said he was 16 and had been in the military for 4 years!!! Then he told me the person met was a born a she and wants to be a boy. I have no issue in the world with this. BUT I think he is getting sucked in by people (male or female) that tells him what he wants to hear. I asked him genuinely if he was bi because this person was born a girl. I am all new to this so meant no offence. My son has now become very defensive and won’t discuss it with me. I tried to tell him I have no problem with who he wants to date, I just have a problem with it being online - boy or girl I would be the same. This person lives apparently in America so they could be saying anything to him because he is vulnerable at the moment. Then he just gets angry and tell me I’m not being supportive. I’m just so confused and worried for him. We have always been so close. I think he is being fooled and told by this person who he is. Sorry for the long essay!!