Sexuality and gender identity

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Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums

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Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender Identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental health and wellbeing. We welcome all conversations here and want to know how you feel and what has helped you to be your best self. A few important tips and rules for this section are below. What is important is that this is a welcoming, kind and supportive space for everyone. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ+) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ+ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ+ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ+ space. Thank you and welcome Beyond Blue

by BeyondBlue •

Community Manager•

Posted in Sexuality and gender identity

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04-03-2025

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LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place

replies: 224

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

by MsPurple •

Blue Voices Member•

Posted in Sexuality and gender identity

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22-08-2017

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224 unread

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Feeling lost

replies: 1

I’m a gay male I had a friend who was straight he was my best mate we shared secrets together and were always there for one another but also had a little fun on the side. Recently he’s mates found out that he were best friends and found out that there was stuff happening between us now every one knows he’s gone and told everyone that our friendship was all base on lies and he was only my friend because I was blackmailing him. None of this is true I’m heart broken I know our friendship was real for him to say what he has said has really taken a big impact on my mental health he as also gone to the police because I just wanted to know the truth and now the police have placed an advo against me I feel lost I haven’t been to work since this has happened I just don’t know what to do all I want to do is talk to the guy he was my best friend and now I feel like I have no one

Happy Transgender Day of Visibility!

replies: 2

TDoV aims to celebrate gender diversity and to recognise the experiences of transgender and gender diverse people

Really don't know what I am at this point?

replies: 2

Hi, I'm kinda confused about what exactly I am... I don't really think that dating actually sounds interesting, even if other people think it's fun, it's just kinda strange to me, with being so embarrassed about saying a name for whoever you like and I'll be happy for the people that fall in love and all that, but being so dramatic about not getting a text? I feel like maybe I'm missing something, and I've kind of gone from straight and not knowing about lgbtqia+ to bi to les to pan to bi again and then I think I'm just aroace, has anyone else felt like this or been through things like this? I would really like to know what exactly I am, if anyone can help me.

Gender Dysphoria, what do I do?

replies: 11

I’m lost… I’ve been married for 15 years, we have a 14 year old daughter and now for some reason I feel stronger than ever about my gender dysphoria.It’s not like it’s a sudden occurrence, I’ve felt this way for as long as I can remember, maybe around 13 or 14, but growing up in a more traditional family I just pushed it to the side and thought I was just a weirdo for thinking that about myself. I had girlfriends and I do like women, I just tried to do what I thought I was supposed to do throughout life.Before I knew it I was married and a year later we had a daughter.Every year or so I have a relapse and get a strong desire to be more feminine but I always end up telling myself off on the inside and then try to forget about it.However for the past 2 years I just let myself accept some of the more feminine traits while keeping it somewhat disguised.For work I often have a night away from home, roughly once or twice a fortnight, recently I’ve been becoming more and more upset thinking about it and often when on those overnights alone I find myself tearing up thinking about all the people who would get hurt if I told them my true feelings, while at the same time I’m hurting myself every day I try to keep my feelings suppressed. The tears are not just for my family but myself as well.I’m really lost and don’t know what I should do, if I should even do anything. I don’t know if my wife has a clue or not? I mean my clothing choices have changed a little, like wearing tights and shaving but I don’t think she really cares about that stuff. She did wonder why I’ve been using so many new types of skin care products, and why I’ve started to grow my hair out but I always just create a story and deflect the topic. I’m nearly 40 years old and don’t know if I can suppress these feeling forever without driving myself crazy. What makes it harder is she is a devout religious Christian and I know she will never understand, I’m not religious (anymore), I wasn’t religious when we met and got married either. She was a new Christian when we married, I’d go to church with her to support her, over the years she has become a very very strong Christian!I have decided that I should tell her, she deserves that much at least. Should I… I don’t know! I’m just looking for advice, what can I do and where can I go? I don’t want to dump all this baggage on her straight away, maybe there is something I can say to ease in the information in a gradual way so we can both cope…or say nothing?

Advice for breaking the news I am Trans

replies: 2

Hello everyone.Recently, I have discovered that I am a 36 year old woman, living in the body of a man. I have denied it and hidden it since I was young.I need to have the discussion with family, but I am married. I love my wife, but I also need to do what's right for myself, so I am hoping that there might be someone out here that has experienced this themselves and had to break the news and heart of a spouse. This is what's holding me back from being my true self.

Centrelink and physical health/mental health issues.

replies: 2

I don't know what else to do. I'm at my wits end and even had a breakdown after what I experienced this morning. I tried to call Centrelink this morning to try and get what I thought was a 2nd exemption due to my endometriosis. I was met with being treated and spoken to like a criminal and a liar because apparently my last medical certificate I sent through wasn't accepted either so "why are you saying you where exempt? Because on our end you've never been exempt." even though I was told by a different Centrelink employee over the phone while uploading my old med cert that I would be exempt for 3 months and Workforce Australia said that I was exempt on their end but I would have to upload a new medical form which I did and it got declined by Centrelink so that's why I called them to fix the situation. After almost 2 hours of waiting over the phone just to be spoken to like absolute trash. She wouldn't even let me explain my situation and kept cutting me off saying "you don't understand" I was then fobbed off to sort it out with Workforce Australia. Since that phone call, I have sent an email across to WFA explaining the situation. Hopefully they reply and can actually help me but I don't know what else to do and I feel incredibly anxious and depressed due to been made to feel like a liar even though I know I'm not. After that experience this morning I had a breakdown. I'm so confused, frustrated, anxious and depressed and I'm just trying to help myself especially before I go into surgery for my endometriosis. I just feel like ending it all over a stupid phone call. I know I'm not going to get any help anyway so what's the point. I'm just a number, not a human.

Feelings of shame when attracted to other men

replies: 3

I’m a gay male that’s been out for over 20 years. I’ve been single most of my life, except for a few short-lived relationships. I’ve recently begun thinking I have internalised homophobia against myself, and am a little surprised by this. I love being gay and the gay community so I didn’t expect to be coming to this realisation. I’ve found that, over the years, I’ve started to call myself “creepy” whenever I find myself attracted to other men and wish I could find ways to interact with them. A lot of the time, I fixate on the fact that I don’t know the sexuality of strangers I see on the street that I find attractive, so I call myself creepy for not first knowing their sexual orientation for it to be “okay” to be attracted to them. Additionally, I don’t think I have much “game” in terms of charisma or confidence to indicate attraction and approach someone, so I don’t and then get caught up in feelings of shame and low self-esteem. Do others experience this? I’ve just started seeing a new therapist and hope to explore this down the track, but this whole “I’m a creep for being attracted to men” mindset is something that I think has held me back from pursuing relationships for a long time. How have others dealt with similar unhelpful thoughts/beliefs?

Do I or Dont I Discuss my Desire to be with a Guy as I believe Im Closet Bi wanting to Come out

replies: 2

Hi, I am a 44 year old man. I can happily say my wife and I have been together for 21years and married for 16. She's the mother of our 2 adult kids amd 2 younger kids, she's my best friend, she's my rock and she is my everything to a point except I feel as if there is something missing and a void that needs to be filled. I must admit before i go any further I do still find my wife very attractive and I love her deeply. We have sex often. There are times due to my injury and my medications I do tend to have "performance issues" or in some instance which do happen quite often I tend to turn off the attraction to females especially my wife and deviate to thoughts of being with another guy. For around the last 2 years or so, at times, I have desired and fantasized about being intimate with another man even when we are not having sex. I have only recently decided to express and discuss these urges in a safe but discrete way and hopefully which i have come across someone that is willing to explore the option of joining us in our marital bed. I've not had any encounters with another man and i wouldnt do anything like that Physically to jeopardise what my wife and I have I decided recently to search for a partnered or single bi man or couple to explore the possible options with and as mentioned i did come across one particular Guy that really ticks all my boxes as for her that is yet to be discussed, Although I'm still not 100% sure if I'm really into other men sexually, or if it is just curiosity and fantasy, and that once I've done it I will either will or won't want to do it again. I would just like to explore this avenue with her instead of opting for the frowned upon act of cheating on her. I feel quite guilty doing discussing this behind behind her back without discussing it with her first, but male intimacy is something that she obviously can't provide and I feel it's something I need to explore, for me. In addition it would too I believe would enhance the sexual experience for her Having not only 1 but 2 guys to play with. I don't how to talk about or raise this subject with her. I don't plan on starting a relationship outside of our relationship and i certainly dont intend on exploring "getting off" with another man behind her back. Im certainly ok if she does accept my desires but will only accept it if it is out of her view and only at her request if that be the case. I assure you she does have and has had gay/bi friends and accepts them for who they are. I think she would be quite shocked to hear my possible sexual orientation. I don't want to lose everything we've built together over the past 21 years Is it wrong for me to not tell her because im fearful of her response and go on as if nothing has changed or do I just Bite the Bullet and Possibly wreck everything.

Making friends as an adult

replies: 2

I'm 25 and honestly really struggling with making friends as an adult. I find that a lot of the people I talk to either already have their friendship group or just spend all their time with their partner. I love my partner and have some girlfriends, but just feel like we need more people to socialise with. How do you find friends as an adult? I study and work and just find it impossible to meet people. Does anyone feel the same? Or is it just me

Where to find self-help resources

replies: 2

Seeking self-help resources in general. I find plenty of reports, generic information, or story-telling. But no success in finding proper self-help resources (e.g how to analyse and stragedies for self-help). Some under 25 target audience sites touch on questioning, being comfortable and coping but only at introduction level. I am looking for "solid resources" for self-help (not the fuzzy-feel but solid strategies to overcome issues like internal phobia, sexuality isolation, sex anxiety for older person etc). Global resources or further library psychology reading accepted.

Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums replies: 0

LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place replies: 224

Feeling lost replies: 1

Happy Transgender Day of Visibility! replies: 2

Really don't know what I am at this point? replies: 2

Gender Dysphoria, what do I do? replies: 11

Advice for breaking the news I am Trans replies: 2

Centrelink and physical health/mental health issues. replies: 2

Feelings of shame when attracted to other men replies: 3

Do I or Dont I Discuss my Desire to be with a Guy as I believe Im Closet Bi wanting to Come out replies: 2

Making friends as an adult replies: 2

Where to find self-help resources replies: 2