Oh Cate26, you 100% deserve to be happy. Your sexual orientation is a natural part of who you are and you deserve to live authentically and be loved and accepted for who you are.
Hiding this and masking for so long must be so hard and exhausting. I didn't come out until I was in my thirties because I was SO scared of what everyone close to me would think. The fear would often manifest as self hate and negative thought which was incredibly hard to turn around (and sadly at times, it continues to be)
What I found really helped was connecting with other LGBTIQ+ people in social groups (I used meetup app or just facebook events) and found activities I liked that were open to new people. Being around others who love and care about you, as you are, is incredibly powerful (and silences the negative thoughts). Maybe there are some groups you can find nearby? It took me a few tries to find the right one. Even turning up was incredibly difficult the first time because i am very socially anxious (I'm not sure if that affects you too) but I'm sure you will find rainbow groups are very inclusive and understanding. I hope it can help you build the confidence to later go on dating apps and talk to family.
