Introduction And Gender Identity Question

[TheDetectivePrince]

Hello, my name is Ake! I'm new to the forums. I wasn't sure where to post but I thought here might be a good place. I am bisexual and genderfluid. My pronouns are she/they/he. Please use them interchangeably, or default to they/them if you're unsure. 

So I was wondering if anyone had any tips with looking more androgynous? I'm not sure how to explain it, but even though I do sometimes express myself in a stereotypical manner of my Assigned Gender At Birth, I hate how I look. I want to look androgynous, so I can easily fit into whatever gender I am a particular day. I have both masculine and feminine features (I am technically intersex but was assigned a specific binary gender) but I still don't feel like my appearance represents the real me. I'm not sure if that makes any sense, but basically how do I make my gender more ambiguous based on physical appearance? I can't wear long sleeves so things like jackets aren't an option and I'm not fully out yet so I wouldn't be able to do anything medical wise. I just want people to see me and not immediately assume I'm x gender. 

Thank you for reading 🙂 I would love to make friends with you all.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Certainly our great forum has merge some form of friendships but being anonymous that has limitations. Nevertheless you are safe here as it is a friendly non judgement site and moderated.

The subject of gender and your particular situation biologically wise I'm not privy to much knowledge sorry. What I do what to convey might help a little.

I'm 67yo and when 21-24yo I was a prison officer in a maximum security jail in Melbourne. We had in open cells (just wire doors) people born males but were at various levels of other forms of sexuality (I'm finding it hard to explain so no offence intended). I struck up great interactions with them as I was experiencing relationship issues with my then girlfriend. They could see clearer the female side of the problem so I got great relationship therapy from them LOL. From then on I forever respected those that were not straight.

I, like many fit into that void of not fully or even slightly understanding the inner feelings/challenges that you have no doubt faced in your life and am interested. Admittedly, prior to the jail work I was in the Defence forces where I was as homophobic as the guy in the next room and we all fed off each other. Such were the times and thankfully things have changed for the better. On this site you could be pivotal in educating others as you have already.

I have a few threads where you only need to read the first post of each. I hope they help. 

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/sexuality-and-gender-identity/lgbtiq-not-conventional-you-are-st...

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/your-comfort-zone/td-p/379273

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/dna-what-you-cant-change/td-p/296595

Repost anytime. And enjoy your journey in discovering who you are.

TonyWK

[Willow Jude]

Hi TheDetectivePrince, and welcome to the forums!

What you have said makes total sense, and as someone who is exploring their gender identity I completely relate to wanting people to see you without assuming you're a certain gender. 

For clothing, my tips would be:

- Avoiding clothes that accentuate traditionally 'male' or 'female' body parts or features

- Choosing clothes and accessories that are made to be unisex, e.g. certain brands of sneakers and boots, band tees, caps

- For 'gendered' clothes and accessories, going for ones with features that draw them away from either end of the gender binary. E.g. Men's oxford shoes that don't have that long pointy-ish toe that screams 'I'm a men's shoe', men's button ups that are tapered/slim fit to avoid the boxiness, women's shirts that are a 'boyfriend' or oversized fit, jeans that have a more 'gender neutral' fit, etc. 

For hair and grooming:

- If getting a haircut is an option, there are many styles that give off androgynous vibes

- Keeping your eyebrows looking neat - not too bushy but not too thin or 'styled'

But in saying that, this is all personal choice, and please don't feel pressured to make any choices that you're not comfortable with 🙂

- WJ

[TheDetectivePrince]

Thank you very much for your reply. Those links really helped a lot and hearing about your experience is really interesting! I think I might sign myself up for prison relationship therapy next! Lmao 😄 Thank you again for your advice, it's much appreciated. 

[TheDetectivePrince]

Hi! Thank you very much for your reply and advice. Your tips gave me a few ideas. I think a wardrobe change is in order. I'll definitely keep your advice in mind. Thank you for your help and taking the time to reply to me 🙂