Your comfort zone
Were you popular in school? Were you the one in the middle of the pack that all had eyes on? Nope didn't think so. If you were like me you were on the outer, a few steps back from the clan as we walked from school. This outer fringe existence could never be shrugged off. It seemed to send me into depression as I wanted so much to be the popular one or the approved one...anything but the ignored one.
I look back on those school days 50 years or more ago and now, the popular guy has passed away. A few of his childhood disciples are either physically ill or a shadow of what I remember. Seems history has a way of equaling things. But what I've learned is that being on the fringe and due to mental illness is responsible for who I was and am. It is part of my DNA in a way.
Stephen FRY quote- "If I died and I could come back, I would still want my bipolar as it is part of me" paraphrasing
So it is far better for our well being to accept our illness than fight it, ignore it or let it take hold. That means it is part of our nature and if we get to that point we will treat it like the colour of our hair or the length of our fingers and not worry so much
Google- Beyondblue topic the frog and the scorpion
So how do we accept our illness as a part of ourselves? Well, if you feel safer and more at ease away from people in your own little world why not accept that? It is only a concern if, due to any action like that you become a danger to yourself or others. I think the world has enough suicides every day to now make way for people like you and I to gravitate towards where we are more comfortable, where we've been all our lives- on the fringe of society.
This means that we should not endeavor to live up to society's expectations of who we should be and should not be. Damn them I say- the fighter develops over decades to defend our nature, the skin by which we are within. And what of these "normal people"? A chance they have an undiagnosed illness themselves but are unaware or in denial.
Google- Beyondblue topic so what are their mental illnesses?
We have a trolley collector at our local supermarket. He has a few issues like Aspergers and depression. He is intelligent with a previous history of retail work. Yet he chooses to collect his trolleys. " People leave me alone in this job, I like helping people with their shopping and nothing more is expected of me. People like me". For this man he has found his comfort zone.
Have you found your comfort zone?
Hi Tony (and a wave to Ruby also).
I'm glad you are back on the forums. Your discussion posts have been part of the landscape of the forums since I joined and I have been missing them.
This post resonates with me. I have never been popular nor on the outer. If anything I've been somewhat invisible and boringly "average". Curiously enough that is what helped my illness go undiagnosed. Never allowing myself to be myself warts and all publicly.
So part of me refusing to become suicidal again is embracing what it means to be ME. Before this I'm not sure I even knew what my comfort zone was. I was the performer blending in.
I found my comfort zone in the garden. In the environment. Bought 5 acres. Propagated and grew plants. Learned to strain and tie fences. To hang gates. Embraced physical work and getting dirty.
Quit my job and started working as a cleaner and gardener at the local school. I love it.
Somewhere along the way I've become a woman who picks up bobtails without a thought to show my kids how to remove the ticks safely. Who goes "plant hunting" to take photos. Someone who sees a lovely plant and knocks on the door to ask if I can trade for a cutting.
My life isn't easier. I have my ups and downs. But I am living my life as I choose to and that for me is a massive comfort.
Plus a good friend told me... Nat you are a little crazy but I've learnt over time the best people are! And we love you anyway.
Welcome back my friend.
It looks like you struck gold in distraction. I have several distractions- tinkering in my shed, gardening, caravanning including building them, facebook and even fashion!! I swing from one to the next for variety. You can google
- beyondblue topic Depression, distraction and variety
Thankyou for your golden words.
It sounds like you have found some back to basics in life and found yourself. That is a huge achievement. It doesn't happen every time for adults.
When my lovely wife of 8 years now and I first got together (we'd known each other for 25 years then) she had had a history of 20 years of her husband suppressing her character, gaslighting and so on. I had my hobbies and she was annoyed that I wasn't giving her 100% attention. I insisted that my interests are very important to me and that time between us is important but she should get hobbies that interest her. She has depression.
Now 8 years on she is actually right now painting a picture beside me in our loft. She paints by numbers but eventually I can see her branching out into paintings in her own right. My daughter is an artist and they are really close. My wife also taught herself crocheting and crafts. She is now fully immersed into these activities and very happy.
Perhaps my ex wife hit the nail on the head once- "Tony, if and when you watch a flower bloom from start to finish then you'll appreciate life and not run around missing out on it".
It seems to me Nat, you've found life and you...