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Just Sara A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members
  • replies: 715

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful word... View more

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful words. I hope this thread stays active through members giving out praise regularly to people they feel deserving, and therefore keep generosity of spirit alive within the pages of BeyondBlue Forum. My bunch of Red Roses (my choice) goes to Wishful for the following sentence; 'Personally, I see no reason to be praised in me, but I'm learning that seeing through the eyes of others can be more accurate!!' I so hear you Wishful. Just beautiful... Try to keep your leading comments short to focus on 'their' words. Choose specific flowers (or a gift if you like) to present to them. Sign off respectfully and sincerely. I hope this takes off... Spreading the love...Sara

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Paw Prints Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?
  • replies: 651

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when ... View more

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find. Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim. My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others. A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know. So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better. For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself. Paw Prints **I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

amd1953 A Lifetime of Bullying
  • replies: 9

This is something that I have lived with since my early teens. It is something that happened to me so long ago that you might think that it has faded from memory. The fact is, that what happened then, some fifty to sixty years ago, is still as fresh ... View more

This is something that I have lived with since my early teens. It is something that happened to me so long ago that you might think that it has faded from memory. The fact is, that what happened then, some fifty to sixty years ago, is still as fresh in my mind today as it was then. As much as I have tried to push it away from me, it seems to hang over me like a noxious cloud. I remember everything. I have forgotten nothing. I know their names and I see their faces. I feel the physical blows raining down on me and I hear the abuse that went with it. To them, I was some wild animal captured in a cage for their amusement. Poked and prodded, punched and spat on. I've had it all done to me. Punched in the stomach and punched in the face for no reason at all other than to give them all a sense of power and control. Yes, it did happen a long time ago and yes, in a strange way, I have forgiven them. What choice do I have? There is one thing though that I wish I could do and that is know what sort of men are they today. Do they have families and would they accept the same kind of public punishment to their children? If they have any kind of humanity in themselves, I think I can guess most of the answers. There is an innate cruel streak that runs through us like a dormant cancer. For those who can control their anger and their prejudices, the problem is held in check. One only has to consider the domestic violence statistics to know what men are like. They are even worse when they are younger. But it is all swept under the carpet and nothing is ever done to address it. God help us all, I say.

CMF Meditation, Manifesting, Gratitude & The Law of Attraction
  • replies: 422

Hi everyone, Not sure where to start so hope I can express myself clearly and maybe with others' input we can expand on this. I'm interested in people's thoughts/ experience with meditation, manifesting, gratitude & the law of attraction. I've recent... View more

Hi everyone, Not sure where to start so hope I can express myself clearly and maybe with others' input we can expand on this. I'm interested in people's thoughts/ experience with meditation, manifesting, gratitude & the law of attraction. I've recently started using the Smiling Mind app to meditate when going to sleep and sometimes when feeling a little anxious, like tonight. It is something i thought i could never do as my mind rarely stops, however, with persistence, I find I enjoy it. I guess i tend to have a negative mindset which I am determined to change.I always felt uneasy about thinking positive things as i thought i would jinx myself, and that whenever I made a positive comment or felt happy it would go wrong or something negative would happen. So i refrained from allowing myself to be too happy, I guess to 'protect' myself. Recently i have been feeling happier, stronger, expressing gratitude and taking note of when things have come to me when i needed them. Coincidence, or answers to what i put out to the Universe? I like to think the latter. A work colleague one day told me to manifest something i wanted, put it out to the universe , so I'm trying. Example, recently we needed to measure the floor space at reception so we could calculate how many people we could have in at one time. I needed a tape measure, which i did not have. At that moment our handyman walked into the office. Guess what he had? I am getting into the habit of practising positive thinking instead of thinking/expecting negatives. If something 'negative' does crop up, it can be dealt with, it's not the end of the world. I look for the positive in every negative situation. I am becoming more aware of being grateful for little things, things like getting a good car park at work, a warn cosy bed, a tidy house. I feel when i am expressing gratitude I am putting positive thoughts out into the universe and I notice more positives instead of focusing on negatives. Late last week we had internet issues at work and a colleague i found a little annoying. I've been feeling very drained, agitated, negative for a few days. This morning things were not running smoothly for me. A result of my negative mind perhaps? Little things became a big deal, my morning was crap. If i look back, it wasn't really an issue, i just did things in a different order which gave me more relax time this evening. The Law of Attraction, positive thoughts, positive experiences. What are your thoughts? cmf x

ladybird22 I've been running from my inner pain for years and can't run away anymore
  • replies: 6

Hi there to everyone. Sometimes the first step is to just write it down, but it feels like a monkey is on my shoulder saying "stop being a burden on others". But I'm going to ignore that negativity and I know it does help a little by writing it down.... View more

Hi there to everyone. Sometimes the first step is to just write it down, but it feels like a monkey is on my shoulder saying "stop being a burden on others". But I'm going to ignore that negativity and I know it does help a little by writing it down.So im a mature lady who's life has gone in so many 'unwise' directions I'm still spinning..I've had 42 addresses just in the state of Victoria, I can feel another anxious change of address coming on. But other than financial side of things, I know I can't cope with the stress of it anymore.My grown children want me to "settle down" somewhere as naturally their concerned for their ageing mum. Due to some poor decisions in my past I've lost my homes to my 'exes'..So then I went back to renting at various addresses and became anxious about how my later years would be? Then I met a nice man a few years ago and I realised I was 'enticed' to help him build HIS new home. Of course he wanted me in the picture. I've stayed with him for a few years out of a need for a roof over my head. But now I'm just so unhappy and felt TRAPPED into a place like a prison.He isn't 'physically' abusive to me, but im not coping with his baggage (,pets, family etc) I totally dislike the area I live in and have no independence. Of course I'm grateful that I'm not out on the street, but my mind feels like it's shutting down. I'm shutting down from people, experiences, exercise etc, not interested in anything. Depression and anxiety once more, the story of many sad chapters of my life I don't want to go back on SSRI meds just so I can live under the same roof as somebody. I moved away from my grown children and my grandchildren some years ago to be with my ex and I'd do anything to have some family support near me now. I'm far away from friends n family, feel isolated and hopeless. That's just the start.. thanks for reading so far. A few kind words of encouragement would be appreciated. Thank you

WatcherG Surviving Life
  • replies: 4

Hi all - been on and off the forums for a long time (over a decade) and thought I would reach out again... so frustrated with life, and all the books, websites, etc that always talk about getting better, and how if you just change how you interact wi... View more

Hi all - been on and off the forums for a long time (over a decade) and thought I would reach out again... so frustrated with life, and all the books, websites, etc that always talk about getting better, and how if you just change how you interact with people all will be well. What if you have tried all that, and nothing ever changes? I am a middle age man, married, kids, have a job - but I have struggled with anxiety, depression, a dissociative disorder, and being a highly sensitive person my whole life. All the information tells us that if we meditate, practice mindfulness, engage with specialists, surround ourselves with positive people, that all will be well. What if you have tried all the usual answers, and nothing seems to work? I don't expect for my life to improve, I really am just wanting to find a better way to survive. The people in my life (family and co-workers - I have no friends) do not understand and blame me for being who I am. Just finished reading a book (another one) on being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), and I totally understand what the means and the ways it affects my life. But all the "solutions" discussed rely on the people in your life understanding you as a HSP - what if the people who surround you don't want to know, or if they listen for even a moment, don't care or will not change? For financial and family reasons I need to stay where I am (I simply can't afford to leave my family or my job) and part of me understands that is not the answer - but what is? I really just want to find a way to survive my life, with the vague hope that one day it will get better - can anyone point me in some direction?

KazumiMatakashi Sex Addiction
  • replies: 2

It's not easy to say this... In fact, I don't even know where to start or where it all started. Usually it's the men that get addicted to sex, while women get addicted to love, attention and affection. Usually addictions are a way to fill a void and ... View more

It's not easy to say this... In fact, I don't even know where to start or where it all started. Usually it's the men that get addicted to sex, while women get addicted to love, attention and affection. Usually addictions are a way to fill a void and start as simple coping mechanisms...But somehow I found myself trapped in a loop and I am suffocating and can't break free!As child I was exposed to sexual violence, neglect and abuse. I was raised without a father, by a mother that never accepted me and never shown me any warmth... I started having sex very early. and by now I had sex with over 1000 men, only a handful of which I remember. I feel empty, isolated and cold like a shipwreck... I am torn between craving true love, emotions and warmth, and between needing my fix. And the cycle repeats - I get drunk or high, I open the door to a new man - I ask them questions at all... I want to stop, but I feel like I can't.

Elisabeta Men's mental health
  • replies: 11

Hi everyone, I'm wanting to hear more specifically from men who struggle with their mental health.Please feel free to add on some extra information or don't answer them if they are too direct. Sorry if anything comes across as being naive, I'm just a... View more

Hi everyone, I'm wanting to hear more specifically from men who struggle with their mental health.Please feel free to add on some extra information or don't answer them if they are too direct. Sorry if anything comes across as being naive, I'm just after some insight into this and would like to understand it better. 1. Why do men seem to isolate themselves? 2. When isolating yourself would you like it if someone reached out to you? Or gave you some space and time? 3. Why is it that men seem to turn to anger when going through a difficult time?4. Would men like to be more open about their feelings with people and loved ones? Or do they feel like they need to 'man up'? 5. When they don't respond to calls or messages are they choosing to ignore their loved ones or are they just overwhelmed by everything and need time and space? 6. When going through a difficult time is it common not to seem interested in a loved ones day/hobbies/personal life etc? Not that they're not interested in these things but are they more focused on their own stresses that they can't seem to see what others are doing/going through?7. What are some things people have done that you have appreciated when you've been going through a difficult time?Or, something you wish someone did to help you through?Thank you

ecomama Three self-care things you did today!
  • replies: 1630

We can do it BBers, we can do self-care. Sleepy21 pointed out research that shows self-care REALLY helps! Please share what you do for self-care so we can get inspiration, ideas and motivation to do it too. Best wishes EM

We can do it BBers, we can do self-care. Sleepy21 pointed out research that shows self-care REALLY helps! Please share what you do for self-care so we can get inspiration, ideas and motivation to do it too. Best wishes EM

white knight BULLYING
  • replies: 20

Part of my strategy of "staying well" is to tackle some things differently. Rather than relying on my instincts, that have clearly let me down over the years due to over reaction from my sensitivity, I would ...take a breath and use the advice of my ... View more

Part of my strategy of "staying well" is to tackle some things differently. Rather than relying on my instincts, that have clearly let me down over the years due to over reaction from my sensitivity, I would ...take a breath and use the advice of my psych and good friends on how to respond. I've been a target of bullying for near 10 years now. Forums havent been around long in the scheme of things and if you are an up front person with some vulnerability, the chance a predator will spot you, hone in on you and harrass you is high. My usual reaction to these people was- throw a rock back at them immediately and fume for days, constantly logging in and waiting for another response so I could reply with more rock throwing....after all (I'd think to myself) he needs to be taught a lessen. I'm right here and he is wrong. The best response would have been to ignore the bully....as everyone says...but that was never enough clout for me. This time, two days ago I would put that to the test. A female member of the car club I'm a member of, has had a simmering dislike for me. That's ok, that happens with a few hundred members. I've been aware of it from others telling me and have tried to tread softly on the clubs Facebook page. Out of the blue she posted a nasty comment levelled at me. Now, since I've had a few bullying members and that I havent handled them well, I have a mentor. Yep, 59yo large strong guy with heaps of experience in life...has a lady that I call my "parole officer"....labelled as such by me in a joking manner that she adores. My mentor read the comment and suggested that the bully would be seen as the aggressor. nother member, unaware of the connitations of the bully's intent posted a cartoon that shows Charlie Brown laughing alongside his dog Snoopy, also laughing. So I posted a reply...."is that cartoon of me and my dog". Not only had I ignored the bully's nasty remark I'd caused many members to laugh at my own post thereby swaying attention away from the bully's statement. It worked. Several posts following these comments and all were responding to my comical post. The bully has gone quiet. People didnt give her the attention she craved. She was "out of line". She will lose popularity as time goes by if she continues to hold a grudge. The committee have contacted me individually to acknowledge how well I handled it. Bullying hurts us. We can be really sensitive at times and feel we have our backs to the wall. Dont feed the sharks. Tony WK

Chelseedy Beyond my stress limit
  • replies: 1

I am beyond stressed and struggling to stay afloat with my simple everyday tasks. I have a good life, good work, beautiful 2 year old daughter and wonderful husband yet I cannot get on top of my life and I’m finding it really difficult. I work full t... View more

I am beyond stressed and struggling to stay afloat with my simple everyday tasks. I have a good life, good work, beautiful 2 year old daughter and wonderful husband yet I cannot get on top of my life and I’m finding it really difficult. I work full time, my husband studies and works and we are building a house that is pulling money out of us left, right and centre through no fault of our own. Everything we do seems to go wrong for us lately. I know it’s out of our control but I’m feeling overwhelmed with the amount of stress that keeps getting thrown our way and don’t feel like we can cope with much more. We are in limbo, can’t move forward, can’t go backwards. How do you cope with everything getting thrown at you all at once? We are financially stressed, mentally stressed, physically stressed (loss of sleep) and are expected to get it together all while it’s falling apart. Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.