Hai, I'm 16, this is kind of a long vent I guess n some of this probably
won't make any sense, and I have no idea if this fits the like forum
website guidelines or not either so if ur confused I can probably
clarify, and ive tried my best to be as ho...
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Hai, I'm 16, this is kind of a long vent I guess n some of this probably
won't make any sense, and I have no idea if this fits the like forum
website guidelines or not either so if ur confused I can probably
clarify, and ive tried my best to be as honest and considerate about
possible alternatives Usually I'd try to be honest, and I know the
things I can do and the way I act can seem outlandish or distressing,
but people label me as solely doing or feeling all of those things for
some kind of shock purpose? I mean I know I can be cruel sometimes, like
since I was basically 7 I used to immediately want to hurt whoever hurt
my feelings soo my mum basically just got me tested for whatever
neurodivergent stuff she could, and I have ADHD and like a really low
thing of autism that barely even counts, and I guess you could argue
most of my violent impulse control was just my ADHD or something, but as
I kind of got older it felt like I was kind of getting meaner, like I
had a dog my aunt had n I used to pull her ears or choke and squeeze her
until I heard her screaming... and now that I'm a little older I've had
a few run in withs police and been admitted to hospital for mental
crisis shit, like I smashed a car window by accident and it cut my arm
all up. and besides all of that total psychopath textbook definition
stuff I've had like a lot of trouble with work commitments and at
school, I got suspended several times at the same school for 'bullying
and threatening staff and other students' among just being late to class
or skipping n minor uniform infractions, one point they just told me
they couldn't have me for the rest of the year unless I had ADHD
medication and opted to have me held back... Anyway during this time my
aunts dog, the same one I basically tortured had died and my mother had
a heart attack so I was moved to a group home until she was physically
fit enough to care for me again... anyway the group home I stayed at
wasn't really that bad I guess, besides the kid who threatened who stab
me to death after I smashed up his tv and started beating him up after
he tried to push me over; it was actually just really standard. Even
though I ran away in the middle of the night and walked like half way to
the other side of the city 3 times, and at one point I just stood on a
ledge and said I'd kill myself on a helpline n they called police to
drag me down. Actually I ran away when I was living with my mother a lot
too, whenever her boyfriend was kinda mean to me I guess, I mean at one
point I came up with a story and said that he was abusive and hit me and
my brother' I mean he did ACTUALLY hit my brother but honestly I can
tell within myself he really wasn't that bad to me..? Or I guess he was
that bad to me... so court believed me and had me also moved out of my
mothers house, on top of the heart attack shit actually it was like a
huge comorbid excuse to disown me... anyway I said he was hitting me and
stuff to my counsellor and they took it seriously and my mum was all
upset at me driving to court n I had to present there with my brother,
who honestly might be more insane than me I guess bcus he used to try
and hit my mum and stab us n he stole stuff and took drugs and was
always crying over his friend trying to kill themself. He said I tried
to drown him in our pool lots growing up though, I cant deny or agree
bcus I dont remember. And besides all of that traumatic shit, like my
dad also divorcing my mother and having a HUGE custody battle over me
and my brother trying to say I was kidnapped n trying to basically
deport me I had a weird amount of internet access, like I think I was
honestly molested or groomed online but I don't rlly care, like I found
communities and met real people and I saw a scary amount of like real
car accidents and people being shot to death. Anyway just now that I
think about it, how I process it all, even though maybe at one point I
was faking a personality disorder or something I GENUINELY think I might
have one now, not like It's really distressing to think about or
anything, I mean it would b kinda cool to have it like a funny sitcom
personality trait, but because Ive been bragging about thinking I have
one any actual counsellor I've met already dismisses any kinda
conversation I bring up relating it bcus I've "tried to hard to fake
one..." like I feel like the more I unravel and learn about myself, and
how I just process my own life, other peoples feelings their humanity
and everything... I feel like I genuinely maybe do actually have
something there... and I also really don't wanna stab someone and go to
jail,