Staying well

Support each other to stay well, from mindfulness, sleep, diet and exercise to reducing drug and alcohol use and coping with difficult emotions.

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Just Sara A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members
  • replies: 715

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful word... View more

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful words. I hope this thread stays active through members giving out praise regularly to people they feel deserving, and therefore keep generosity of spirit alive within the pages of BeyondBlue Forum. My bunch of Red Roses (my choice) goes to Wishful for the following sentence; 'Personally, I see no reason to be praised in me, but I'm learning that seeing through the eyes of others can be more accurate!!' I so hear you Wishful. Just beautiful... Try to keep your leading comments short to focus on 'their' words. Choose specific flowers (or a gift if you like) to present to them. Sign off respectfully and sincerely. I hope this takes off... Spreading the love...Sara

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Paw Prints Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?
  • replies: 999

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when ... View more

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find. Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim. My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others. A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know. So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better. For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself. Paw Prints **I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

diamondgirl85 How to take care of myself?
  • replies: 1

I'm 38 and the title sounds so lame. But I feel like I don't know how to take care of myself. I make sure our kids (twins and a singleton) are fed, dressed and off to school or daycare, and when I get home all I want to do is sleep. I am constantly e... View more

I'm 38 and the title sounds so lame. But I feel like I don't know how to take care of myself. I make sure our kids (twins and a singleton) are fed, dressed and off to school or daycare, and when I get home all I want to do is sleep. I am constantly exhausted. Tired all the time. I've never had an iron issue, like ever. My house is a mess (I know people will say the housework can wait, but I honestly HATE living in a messy home - it makes me feel so much worse). I've been hitting the junk food and soft drink so hard in recent months. My MIL also passed recently and now I'm having major anxiety about studying and going back to work after being a stay at home mum for the last 8 years. I'm so used to being at home. I've gained 15-20kgs since our youngest was born 19 months ago. I'm just so lost and deflated and I hate that my kids see me like this every day. For context we live an hour outside Toowoomba so a gym membership isn't feasible with the whole cost of living crisis. I have next to no Mum friends as some have either moved away or others have gone back to work and I don't even see them on the school run anymore. My husband works for himself and he's very supportive but even he doesn't understand how my head works sometimes.

HamSolo01 Hello again, or "Sharing what has happened in the hope that it inspires you somehow"
  • replies: 1

Good morning.It has been quite some time indeed since I posted here at length and my intention today in doing so to both educate myself, provide some insight for others and ultimately move towards betterment (even though that is itself a process and ... View more

Good morning.It has been quite some time indeed since I posted here at length and my intention today in doing so to both educate myself, provide some insight for others and ultimately move towards betterment (even though that is itself a process and not a destination)As I write this note now, I sit in the cramped but altogether snug corner of the granny flat I now share with my partner of 21 months (as of last Tuesday). She is currently at work on her shift, while the Roster gods at my work have given me 4 days off between weekend shifts. The two of us have seen our fair share of suffering, hardhsip and personal struggle - both during and before we met. But it is ultimately this struggle that reminds us all that life is not always easy. To quote Coldplay "but no one ever said it would be this hard", and I believe that's true. But as i struggle forward in life, I believe that Michael Kiwanuka is right when he said "maybe this time i can be strong, but since I know who I am I'm probably wrong". I believe musicians and music itself both have ways of speaking to us in short, stacato stanzas that academese and general waffle (my favourite member of the army corp after Leiutenant Sarcasm) can't. the overal sentiment here is one of struggle, but one of success. For I would rather not live in a utopia or blissful ignorance of my own mortality. Mortality is itself a curious thing because it was once the very thing I focused heavily on and at one point wanted to call an end this life of mine. Oh how much has changed since then! I invite you, the reader, to have a look at some of my other posts over the years. To see how I have changed, grown and struggled and yet have come through, out on top of and from underneath whatever things found themselves in my life - rancid though they were. Ultimately, I believe, like Solzhenitsyn once did, that beauty will save the world. I now invite you, the reader, on this journey of mine. Perhaps it is the fact that I have turned 30 and have hit a new decade that has got me going back over my 20s and indeed many times prior, that has spurned me on towards better things. Recently I came across an old letter I wrote when I was 16. It was an exercise entitled "the man I wish to become". I only remembered this recently and by some strange chance of fate, looked in a box I knew I had in my old bedroom and there it was - sitting there in the open ready for me to read. Meditating on that was deep. Oh so very deep. An anchor for my soul even. Am I that man now? Well, no, but I'm definitely closer than I was before. Maybe that is all that matters. For the life of me I wish I was able to articulate EVERYTHING that has happened in the years since I started posting here - but, to quote Roy Batty "those moments will be lost like tears in the rain". I had many tears in the rain as I grew into who I am now, and many more will come my way no doubt. Oh but I would rather shed that tear and embrace a fear, than its opposite. Before this descends into yet another level of literacy prose, I'll leave it there. YoursMe

Eagle Ray Managing Boundaries
  • replies: 9

Throughout my life I have had great difficulties with boundaries. I have often allowed others to transgress my boundaries because I felt like I had no choice. This pattern comes from childhood where I was taught to focus on the needs of others but no... View more

Throughout my life I have had great difficulties with boundaries. I have often allowed others to transgress my boundaries because I felt like I had no choice. This pattern comes from childhood where I was taught to focus on the needs of others but not myself. The consequences of not anticipating and meeting other’s needs in childhood were quite severe and often involved rage being directed at me. Hence I’ve been very sensitised to others’ needs in a kind of compulsive, unconscious way. Countless times others who’ve wanted someone to meet their needs have sensed this about me and quickly attached to me but they have often then become unhealthy co-dependent situations and I’ve felt trapped. I am now in a transition phase where I am learning to unlearn this pattern. But my goodness it’s hard. With people who were being particularly exploitive with me it has been easier to leave those situations. But with others I can see their vulnerability and continue to have empathy for them. They’ve often had some kind of trauma themselves and have developed a particular attachment style. Just as I’ve developed the role of the carer/support person for others, they have developed a kind of dependency role. It’s partly because I have empathy for them that I can still struggle to set boundaries with them. I don’t necessarily want to walk away from the person and I care about them but I can find it hard getting the interpersonal boundary right. I am gradually learning the following:how to see myself and start to consider my own needs.not feeling guilty for setting a boundary.listening to my body which never lies and will feel uneasy if something is unhealthy about the way someone else is attaching to me. I used to ignore this feeling by convincing myself that everything will be fine only to end up in bad situations.feeling a higher level of assertiveness.observing how the other person reacts when I do express a need around boundaries as this is often an important indicator of whether they can genuinely see me and respect my boundary needs or whether the relationship is one-sided.I am interested to know how others may have learned to establish boundaries. I realise for some people it is second nature to take care of their own needs and boundaries while for others it’s very difficult. I just thought this might be a good topic for the Staying Well section as for me my ability to stay well has been impaired by my inability to protect my boundaries in the past. Have you had similar boundary issues and have you found ways to manage your boundaries in healthier ways? Or you may have a different set of boundary issues and dynamics to me so feel free to discuss what is relevant for you.

Ggrand Small achievement you managed to do today....How did it make you feel? Did it help you feel better today?
  • replies: 466

Hi everyone.. Their are days when just getting out of bed is a huge achievement...Other days we can achieve things like washing up the dishes or clothes, sweeping the floors, mopping the floors..very mundane and automatic robot like chores for the me... View more

Hi everyone.. Their are days when just getting out of bed is a huge achievement...Other days we can achieve things like washing up the dishes or clothes, sweeping the floors, mopping the floors..very mundane and automatic robot like chores for the mentally well...They do these chores without even thinking about them...for people struggling with their mental health..these are huge tasks... Very often I’ll get my vacuum cleaner out to vacuum ...then it will sit their for days, me looking at it, walking over it...until I can get motivated enough to vacuum..after I do find the motivation to vacuum...I am pleased with myself... Right now I have a small foot cycling peddle machine, sitting on my front veranda..I got it out last week..to start exercising..it’s still their, I’m still looking at it...My thoughts each night is I’ll use it for a few minutes tomorrow.. My car hasn’t been washed getting close to a year now I think...Today I did managed to wash it....and discovered that it has a nice shine on it.....I did it...I achieved something positive today..which made me feel better in myself... Have you achieved a little something today...and how did it make you feel...If you want to share that achievement it might make other people a bit more motivated to achieve something they need/want to do.. Looking forward to hearing about your achievement....and how it made you feel.. Little steps and achievements can lead to bigger steps..and bigger achievements... My kindest and most caring thoughts...everyone. Grandy...

Clara1 Self-care
  • replies: 4

I am trying to stay well at the moment by eating a healthy diet and getting regular exercise. I drink plenty of filtered water and herbal tea each day. I feel very tired most of the time event hough I am sleeping 8-10 hours each night.

I am trying to stay well at the moment by eating a healthy diet and getting regular exercise. I drink plenty of filtered water and herbal tea each day. I feel very tired most of the time event hough I am sleeping 8-10 hours each night.

blondguy Do You Like Yourself? Your Thoughts are Welcome!
  • replies: 3997

Hello Everybody and new posters especially:-) I have had anxiety since 1983 and depression from 1997. There is always someone that says 'You have to Love Yourself' before recovery. When people are suffering from anxiety/depression this may be the las... View more

Hello Everybody and new posters especially:-) I have had anxiety since 1983 and depression from 1997. There is always someone that says 'You have to Love Yourself' before recovery. When people are suffering from anxiety/depression this may be the last 'advice' they really need. This is only my experience when I am 'advised to love myself' to rebuild my life. I have heard the following from people that cant 'love themselves' which is fair enough as I am a person that cant either. Your thoughts will help me and others learn from your point of view. I can only be 'gentle' to myself to heal...not love. Why should I love myself if I dont in the first place? I am in a dark place, how can I love myself? I dont deserve to love myself I am depressed...How can I love myself? I have mega anxiety attacks..what is there to love about myself? I hate myself and what I stand for...why should I? I love my partner more...I will care about myself 'later' When people have depression/anxiety/denial they dont need to be counseled with ' love yourself'. Thats a huge ask. I dont need to climb Mt Everest by trying to love myself when I cant. It can be an unrealistic and even silly target to achieve having depression I just prefer to be 'gentle' to myself. Same results and way less stress Your thoughts/opinions are more than welcome Thankyou so much Paul

white knight Three types of empathy
  • replies: 9

It's amazing when your own behaviour comes into question and someone suggests (in this case my wife) that I should discuss that with my psychologist next visit. The picture is that my daughter and husband are about to move into their newly built home... View more

It's amazing when your own behaviour comes into question and someone suggests (in this case my wife) that I should discuss that with my psychologist next visit. The picture is that my daughter and husband are about to move into their newly built home. The house was broken into and about $600 of belongings stolen. When she was telling us this on the phone I began to get upset along with some frustration. After the call ended and my wifes suggestion I googled "empathy for others" and found there was 3 types..... Cognitive, emotional and compassionate. Cognitive empathy- the ability to feel what the other person is feeling. It is a healthy type of empathy Emotional empathy- the ability to share the feelings of another person. It helps you build connections Compassionate empathy- this goes beyond the other two in that you take action for the empathy you feel. This is interesting because my wife said "its our daughters problem, why are you feeling so upset?". Indeed, why was I feeling so deep about an issue that is their issue and easily affordable for them eg we dont have to even consider them financially. Their insurance has a $1000 excess so wasnt wise to claim. The other aspect is "crowding" in that people might mention their problem but if your empathy is beyond normal and you always offer to assist, they could feel like ceasing sharing issues as they dont want the help. One offer is enough, two and they repeat their rejection but three and you have a friend that want to exit quickly. Sensitivity, sorrow, sadness, dysthymia are all things that can make us extreme with our kindness. Best to develop some internal guidelines to reduce that extremity to not put your loved ones off. Have you been extreme in your empathy? TonyWK

Sasuke Daily dose of gratitude
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Hi BBers, I have been staying quite low profile on the forum despite joining a few years ago and this is my first ever post. I feel that my mental health has improved by leaps and bounds since. I personally found that thinking of 1 thing I have been ... View more

Hi BBers, I have been staying quite low profile on the forum despite joining a few years ago and this is my first ever post. I feel that my mental health has improved by leaps and bounds since. I personally found that thinking of 1 thing I have been grateful of each day has really changed my mindset and outlook so am hoping to continue this thread. One thing I am grateful of today is that my dog came up to me for cuddles before I left for work.

Samadhi-Enjoyer I want to become a Freemason - Any thoughts/experiences?
  • replies: 2

I've made a lot of progress on my journey and after a lot of reflection and meditation, I've concluded one thing about my heart's calling; I want to be an awesome dad for my future kids. I feel like this is easily my highest aspiration and what I int... View more

I've made a lot of progress on my journey and after a lot of reflection and meditation, I've concluded one thing about my heart's calling; I want to be an awesome dad for my future kids. I feel like this is easily my highest aspiration and what I intend to devote the rest of my life to; to become the best role model and mentor of my own blood. In saying that, I want to progressively live more of a life that my kids can look up to and be inspired by, which requires I look up to and am inspired by myself. So I think one of the best ways is to become a Freemason. I've been looking into Freemasonry for a while now and the core tenets and I find I'm progressively getting more and more keen to become one. The focus on self development, being a better man, father, son, husband, etc. is what really appeals to me. Plus I find the ancient traditions and rites to fit my personality and outlook on living. As well as that feeling of connection with likeminded and altruistic men. I truly feel like this is my heart's calling. Even if I never join the Masons, I would gladly settle for the Lions or the Rotarians. I feel like anyway I can be a part of something like that will fulfill a core need in my being. Has anyone on this forum been a Mason or had experience with them? I would love to hear some inspiration!