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Just Sara A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members
  • replies: 715

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful word... View more

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful words. I hope this thread stays active through members giving out praise regularly to people they feel deserving, and therefore keep generosity of spirit alive within the pages of BeyondBlue Forum. My bunch of Red Roses (my choice) goes to Wishful for the following sentence; 'Personally, I see no reason to be praised in me, but I'm learning that seeing through the eyes of others can be more accurate!!' I so hear you Wishful. Just beautiful... Try to keep your leading comments short to focus on 'their' words. Choose specific flowers (or a gift if you like) to present to them. Sign off respectfully and sincerely. I hope this takes off... Spreading the love...Sara

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Eagle Ray Managing Boundaries
  • replies: 11

Throughout my life I have had great difficulties with boundaries. I have often allowed others to transgress my boundaries because I felt like I had no choice. This pattern comes from childhood where I was taught to focus on the needs of others but no... View more

Throughout my life I have had great difficulties with boundaries. I have often allowed others to transgress my boundaries because I felt like I had no choice. This pattern comes from childhood where I was taught to focus on the needs of others but not myself. The consequences of not anticipating and meeting other’s needs in childhood were quite severe and often involved rage being directed at me. Hence I’ve been very sensitised to others’ needs in a kind of compulsive, unconscious way. Countless times others who’ve wanted someone to meet their needs have sensed this about me and quickly attached to me but they have often then become unhealthy co-dependent situations and I’ve felt trapped. I am now in a transition phase where I am learning to unlearn this pattern. But my goodness it’s hard. With people who were being particularly exploitive with me it has been easier to leave those situations. But with others I can see their vulnerability and continue to have empathy for them. They’ve often had some kind of trauma themselves and have developed a particular attachment style. Just as I’ve developed the role of the carer/support person for others, they have developed a kind of dependency role. It’s partly because I have empathy for them that I can still struggle to set boundaries with them. I don’t necessarily want to walk away from the person and I care about them but I can find it hard getting the interpersonal boundary right. I am gradually learning the following:how to see myself and start to consider my own needs.not feeling guilty for setting a boundary.listening to my body which never lies and will feel uneasy if something is unhealthy about the way someone else is attaching to me. I used to ignore this feeling by convincing myself that everything will be fine only to end up in bad situations.feeling a higher level of assertiveness.observing how the other person reacts when I do express a need around boundaries as this is often an important indicator of whether they can genuinely see me and respect my boundary needs or whether the relationship is one-sided.I am interested to know how others may have learned to establish boundaries. I realise for some people it is second nature to take care of their own needs and boundaries while for others it’s very difficult. I just thought this might be a good topic for the Staying Well section as for me my ability to stay well has been impaired by my inability to protect my boundaries in the past. Have you had similar boundary issues and have you found ways to manage your boundaries in healthier ways? Or you may have a different set of boundary issues and dynamics to me so feel free to discuss what is relevant for you.

HamSolo01 Hello again, or "Sharing what has happened in the hope that it inspires you somehow"
  • replies: 2

Good morning.It has been quite some time indeed since I posted here at length and my intention today in doing so to both educate myself, provide some insight for others and ultimately move towards betterment (even though that is itself a process and ... View more

Good morning.It has been quite some time indeed since I posted here at length and my intention today in doing so to both educate myself, provide some insight for others and ultimately move towards betterment (even though that is itself a process and not a destination)As I write this note now, I sit in the cramped but altogether snug corner of the granny flat I now share with my partner of 21 months (as of last Tuesday). She is currently at work on her shift, while the Roster gods at my work have given me 4 days off between weekend shifts. The two of us have seen our fair share of suffering, hardhsip and personal struggle - both during and before we met. But it is ultimately this struggle that reminds us all that life is not always easy. To quote Coldplay "but no one ever said it would be this hard", and I believe that's true. But as i struggle forward in life, I believe that Michael Kiwanuka is right when he said "maybe this time i can be strong, but since I know who I am I'm probably wrong". I believe musicians and music itself both have ways of speaking to us in short, stacato stanzas that academese and general waffle (my favourite member of the army corp after Leiutenant Sarcasm) can't. the overal sentiment here is one of struggle, but one of success. For I would rather not live in a utopia or blissful ignorance of my own mortality. Mortality is itself a curious thing because it was once the very thing I focused heavily on and at one point wanted to call an end this life of mine. Oh how much has changed since then! I invite you, the reader, to have a look at some of my other posts over the years. To see how I have changed, grown and struggled and yet have come through, out on top of and from underneath whatever things found themselves in my life - rancid though they were. Ultimately, I believe, like Solzhenitsyn once did, that beauty will save the world. I now invite you, the reader, on this journey of mine. Perhaps it is the fact that I have turned 30 and have hit a new decade that has got me going back over my 20s and indeed many times prior, that has spurned me on towards better things. Recently I came across an old letter I wrote when I was 16. It was an exercise entitled "the man I wish to become". I only remembered this recently and by some strange chance of fate, looked in a box I knew I had in my old bedroom and there it was - sitting there in the open ready for me to read. Meditating on that was deep. Oh so very deep. An anchor for my soul even. Am I that man now? Well, no, but I'm definitely closer than I was before. Maybe that is all that matters. For the life of me I wish I was able to articulate EVERYTHING that has happened in the years since I started posting here - but, to quote Roy Batty "those moments will be lost like tears in the rain". I had many tears in the rain as I grew into who I am now, and many more will come my way no doubt. Oh but I would rather shed that tear and embrace a fear, than its opposite. Before this descends into yet another level of literacy prose, I'll leave it there. YoursMe

Guest_1055 Walking Shoes - Walking and Other Exercise
  • replies: 4382

Hey to anyone reading this. Last night I had an idea about starting a new thread about exercise especially walking. I am aware that walking is very beneficial for our mental, emotional and physical well being. And by actually doing it....well it can ... View more

Hey to anyone reading this. Last night I had an idea about starting a new thread about exercise especially walking. I am aware that walking is very beneficial for our mental, emotional and physical well being. And by actually doing it....well it can make a huge difference to how we cope with the storms that we face in life. OK, I am not real good at disciplining myself to walk, and have to really push myself to do it. And sometimes it is even hard to leave this bedroom. Anyway I am not a beginner walker, as I have stuck to sort of a plan before. So I know that it does make me feel somewhat better. But I only stayed on the plan for a couple of months, then gave up.....for whatever reason. So here I am again wanting desperately to not fail this time. So I guess this thread is for anyone that does walk, anyone that is struggling to walk because of depression or anxiety issues. And anyone else really...... I am unsure of the outcome of all this. But my ideas included: Sharing about things we have found out about exercise especially about walking. Writing down the reasons that one would chose to walk ( like something to help motivate). Being accountable in same way. Sharing about the places where we actually do walk, like the beach, gym, around the block, with the dog, out to the clothesline and back. And any other useful tips that could help others. So here we go......

diamondgirl85 How to take care of myself?
  • replies: 1

I'm 38 and the title sounds so lame. But I feel like I don't know how to take care of myself. I make sure our kids (twins and a singleton) are fed, dressed and off to school or daycare, and when I get home all I want to do is sleep. I am constantly e... View more

I'm 38 and the title sounds so lame. But I feel like I don't know how to take care of myself. I make sure our kids (twins and a singleton) are fed, dressed and off to school or daycare, and when I get home all I want to do is sleep. I am constantly exhausted. Tired all the time. I've never had an iron issue, like ever. My house is a mess (I know people will say the housework can wait, but I honestly HATE living in a messy home - it makes me feel so much worse). I've been hitting the junk food and soft drink so hard in recent months. My MIL also passed recently and now I'm having major anxiety about studying and going back to work after being a stay at home mum for the last 8 years. I'm so used to being at home. I've gained 15-20kgs since our youngest was born 19 months ago. I'm just so lost and deflated and I hate that my kids see me like this every day. For context we live an hour outside Toowoomba so a gym membership isn't feasible with the whole cost of living crisis. I have next to no Mum friends as some have either moved away or others have gone back to work and I don't even see them on the school run anymore. My husband works for himself and he's very supportive but even he doesn't understand how my head works sometimes.

Clara1 Self-care
  • replies: 4

I am trying to stay well at the moment by eating a healthy diet and getting regular exercise. I drink plenty of filtered water and herbal tea each day. I feel very tired most of the time event hough I am sleeping 8-10 hours each night.

I am trying to stay well at the moment by eating a healthy diet and getting regular exercise. I drink plenty of filtered water and herbal tea each day. I feel very tired most of the time event hough I am sleeping 8-10 hours each night.

white knight Three types of empathy
  • replies: 9

It's amazing when your own behaviour comes into question and someone suggests (in this case my wife) that I should discuss that with my psychologist next visit. The picture is that my daughter and husband are about to move into their newly built home... View more

It's amazing when your own behaviour comes into question and someone suggests (in this case my wife) that I should discuss that with my psychologist next visit. The picture is that my daughter and husband are about to move into their newly built home. The house was broken into and about $600 of belongings stolen. When she was telling us this on the phone I began to get upset along with some frustration. After the call ended and my wifes suggestion I googled "empathy for others" and found there was 3 types..... Cognitive, emotional and compassionate. Cognitive empathy- the ability to feel what the other person is feeling. It is a healthy type of empathy Emotional empathy- the ability to share the feelings of another person. It helps you build connections Compassionate empathy- this goes beyond the other two in that you take action for the empathy you feel. This is interesting because my wife said "its our daughters problem, why are you feeling so upset?". Indeed, why was I feeling so deep about an issue that is their issue and easily affordable for them eg we dont have to even consider them financially. Their insurance has a $1000 excess so wasnt wise to claim. The other aspect is "crowding" in that people might mention their problem but if your empathy is beyond normal and you always offer to assist, they could feel like ceasing sharing issues as they dont want the help. One offer is enough, two and they repeat their rejection but three and you have a friend that want to exit quickly. Sensitivity, sorrow, sadness, dysthymia are all things that can make us extreme with our kindness. Best to develop some internal guidelines to reduce that extremity to not put your loved ones off. Have you been extreme in your empathy? TonyWK

Lana bipolar parents
  • replies: 1

When do you tell people you meet that you are not ignoring them but have bipolar and at times being social is too much. And how do you explain to your kids why you have good and bad days without getting them worried. I would like to know if there are... View more

When do you tell people you meet that you are not ignoring them but have bipolar and at times being social is too much. And how do you explain to your kids why you have good and bad days without getting them worried. I would like to know if there are any parents on this forum living with bipolar. It would be great to connect.

Sasuke Daily dose of gratitude
  • replies: 4

Hi BBers, I have been staying quite low profile on the forum despite joining a few years ago and this is my first ever post. I feel that my mental health has improved by leaps and bounds since. I personally found that thinking of 1 thing I have been ... View more

Hi BBers, I have been staying quite low profile on the forum despite joining a few years ago and this is my first ever post. I feel that my mental health has improved by leaps and bounds since. I personally found that thinking of 1 thing I have been grateful of each day has really changed my mindset and outlook so am hoping to continue this thread. One thing I am grateful of today is that my dog came up to me for cuddles before I left for work.

Samadhi-Enjoyer I want to become a Freemason - Any thoughts/experiences?
  • replies: 2

I've made a lot of progress on my journey and after a lot of reflection and meditation, I've concluded one thing about my heart's calling; I want to be an awesome dad for my future kids. I feel like this is easily my highest aspiration and what I int... View more

I've made a lot of progress on my journey and after a lot of reflection and meditation, I've concluded one thing about my heart's calling; I want to be an awesome dad for my future kids. I feel like this is easily my highest aspiration and what I intend to devote the rest of my life to; to become the best role model and mentor of my own blood. In saying that, I want to progressively live more of a life that my kids can look up to and be inspired by, which requires I look up to and am inspired by myself. So I think one of the best ways is to become a Freemason. I've been looking into Freemasonry for a while now and the core tenets and I find I'm progressively getting more and more keen to become one. The focus on self development, being a better man, father, son, husband, etc. is what really appeals to me. Plus I find the ancient traditions and rites to fit my personality and outlook on living. As well as that feeling of connection with likeminded and altruistic men. I truly feel like this is my heart's calling. Even if I never join the Masons, I would gladly settle for the Lions or the Rotarians. I feel like anyway I can be a part of something like that will fulfill a core need in my being. Has anyone on this forum been a Mason or had experience with them? I would love to hear some inspiration!

quirkywords What I learned today.?
  • replies: 8

Sometimes when I am having a challenging day I like to think of something I learned no matter how small.I thought it would be interesting to see what others learn each day. what I learnt today.?I found that a person being helpful makes me smile.

Sometimes when I am having a challenging day I like to think of something I learned no matter how small.I thought it would be interesting to see what others learn each day. what I learnt today.?I found that a person being helpful makes me smile.