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Just Sara A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members
  • replies: 715

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful word... View more

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful words. I hope this thread stays active through members giving out praise regularly to people they feel deserving, and therefore keep generosity of spirit alive within the pages of BeyondBlue Forum. My bunch of Red Roses (my choice) goes to Wishful for the following sentence; 'Personally, I see no reason to be praised in me, but I'm learning that seeing through the eyes of others can be more accurate!!' I so hear you Wishful. Just beautiful... Try to keep your leading comments short to focus on 'their' words. Choose specific flowers (or a gift if you like) to present to them. Sign off respectfully and sincerely. I hope this takes off... Spreading the love...Sara

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quirkywords The skill of worrying or minding less? How is it achieved? What does it mean?
  • replies: 54

Yes you read the title correctly, How do we mind less , How do we learn not to worry over every thing, How do we stop getting upset over every comment we feel is not positive. I would like to discuss ways people have learnt to stop worrying about sma... View more

Yes you read the title correctly, How do we mind less , How do we learn not to worry over every thing, How do we stop getting upset over every comment we feel is not positive. I would like to discuss ways people have learnt to stop worrying about small things,and how to not mind about what other people think. Also how can we stop being reactive and turn that into creative response, not sure how to do this but others may have an idea. Sometimes we can get angry over lots of things and it is hard to learn how to channel that anger. I know the more I let things get to me, the worse I feel. I have always tried hard to do mindfulness but I still struggle. Maybe if I can stop minding about things that don’t matter I can stop overthinking. I would like this thread to be a place where we can exchange ideas and share personal experiences about what works for them and what does not. Feel free to post and let’s get the discussion going. Quirky

WHITE_K Buying a house & I'm scared not excited
  • replies: 6

My partner and I made an offer on a house, it was more than we had planned and it got accepted. It's only just above what we had figured out our max was, and finance shouldn't be an issue. But that's what's freaking me out, it's freaking me out that ... View more

My partner and I made an offer on a house, it was more than we had planned and it got accepted. It's only just above what we had figured out our max was, and finance shouldn't be an issue. But that's what's freaking me out, it's freaking me out that our higher offer got accepted and maybe we've paid too much. We've been looking for a little while and figuring things out like what we want to buy etc. This property has a perfect house, lots of land and it has sheds (all what we wanted). But it's more rural than I would have liked. My partner isn't worried about the commute, but I am. It's a house close to my extended family, but a house so far from the life I've built so far in the city. I thought I'd be excited that our offer got accepted, but I'm just scared. Scared I won't like living away from the city, my work, my life and my friends. Scared that we've paid too much for the house. Worried the property won't be worth anything in the future because it's rural. Worried that I'll feel isolated and restricted in what I do socially. etc. I don't know if its my mind telling me I don't want this house or if it's normal to be so scared to buy your first home.

Guest_14488206 How do you all stay positive
  • replies: 1

Hi guys this is my first time starting a discussion ever and I want to just ask how everyone stays positive. Recently in my life I have felt like whenever something goes right, something else immediately goes wrong, usually a medical issue. I just ha... View more

Hi guys this is my first time starting a discussion ever and I want to just ask how everyone stays positive. Recently in my life I have felt like whenever something goes right, something else immediately goes wrong, usually a medical issue. I just have been struggling to stay positive and struggling with a low self esteem and have finally worked up the courage to ask for help.

romantic_thi3f What's the best gift you've ever received? Or on your wishlist?
  • replies: 12

Hi, With Christmas around the corner I'm a little behind on my Christmas shopping (aka have not started and overwhelmed by choices) so I thought maybe I'd ask you all for help. Is there a Christmas present that really stuck out to you? Something fun ... View more

Hi, With Christmas around the corner I'm a little behind on my Christmas shopping (aka have not started and overwhelmed by choices) so I thought maybe I'd ask you all for help. Is there a Christmas present that really stuck out to you? Something fun you got one year? Or, if you're stuck, what's something on your wishlist? rt

Frannie How to stop using alcohol as a coping mechanism
  • replies: 6

I really want to reduce my wine consumption but I have so much stress and when I look back its been for years - a traumatic divorce in the 90's probably started it. Then I got embroiled in a development situation which meant I couldn't sell my house ... View more

I really want to reduce my wine consumption but I have so much stress and when I look back its been for years - a traumatic divorce in the 90's probably started it. Then I got embroiled in a development situation which meant I couldn't sell my house and my partner of 19 years took exception to it and had an affair. I kicked him out (that was 2020). Since then I've had a shoulder replacement, two hip replacements, I've had to euthanase 3 pets, I've had lawyers in to sell my house under hardship. And now I'm finally moving so its a whole other set of stressors - its a move to another town 5 hours away. I have plants to move - like hundreds! I have no family, I'm trying to do all this by myself. Its not an ordinary house move as I'm on acreage. And I'm usually really fit, I run (not allowed to on roads any more) and lift weights but its not the best right now. So its just all too much really and I can't commit to extra time commitments because I simply dont have the time.

Eagle Ray Managing Boundaries
  • replies: 47

Throughout my life I have had great difficulties with boundaries. I have often allowed others to transgress my boundaries because I felt like I had no choice. This pattern comes from childhood where I was taught to focus on the needs of others but no... View more

Throughout my life I have had great difficulties with boundaries. I have often allowed others to transgress my boundaries because I felt like I had no choice. This pattern comes from childhood where I was taught to focus on the needs of others but not myself. The consequences of not anticipating and meeting other’s needs in childhood were quite severe and often involved rage being directed at me. Hence I’ve been very sensitised to others’ needs in a kind of compulsive, unconscious way. Countless times others who’ve wanted someone to meet their needs have sensed this about me and quickly attached to me but they have often then become unhealthy co-dependent situations and I’ve felt trapped. I am now in a transition phase where I am learning to unlearn this pattern. But my goodness it’s hard. With people who were being particularly exploitive with me it has been easier to leave those situations. But with others I can see their vulnerability and continue to have empathy for them. They’ve often had some kind of trauma themselves and have developed a particular attachment style. Just as I’ve developed the role of the carer/support person for others, they have developed a kind of dependency role. It’s partly because I have empathy for them that I can still struggle to set boundaries with them. I don’t necessarily want to walk away from the person and I care about them but I can find it hard getting the interpersonal boundary right. I am gradually learning the following:how to see myself and start to consider my own needs.not feeling guilty for setting a boundary.listening to my body which never lies and will feel uneasy if something is unhealthy about the way someone else is attaching to me. I used to ignore this feeling by convincing myself that everything will be fine only to end up in bad situations.feeling a higher level of assertiveness.observing how the other person reacts when I do express a need around boundaries as this is often an important indicator of whether they can genuinely see me and respect my boundary needs or whether the relationship is one-sided.I am interested to know how others may have learned to establish boundaries. I realise for some people it is second nature to take care of their own needs and boundaries while for others it’s very difficult. I just thought this might be a good topic for the Staying Well section as for me my ability to stay well has been impaired by my inability to protect my boundaries in the past. Have you had similar boundary issues and have you found ways to manage your boundaries in healthier ways? Or you may have a different set of boundary issues and dynamics to me so feel free to discuss what is relevant for you.

Croix Store Your Happy Memories Here:
  • replies: 1000

Dear All~ What this place is for: This thread is a tool, a resource, and also I guess a dash of entertainment. I’ve found that when life is grim that sometimes thoughts of past happiness can create a chink of light in the grey overwhelming press of d... View more

Dear All~ What this place is for: This thread is a tool, a resource, and also I guess a dash of entertainment. I’ve found that when life is grim that sometimes thoughts of past happiness can create a chink of light in the grey overwhelming press of down. They can help occupy the mind with lighter reflections. With that in view I invite people to set down a brief passage describing some happy event they look back to with fondness and peace. They - and others too - can then return to it when they feel the need to glean a little warmth. It is not a place for gloomy or dire tales, those can go elsewhere. What to do: Just set out, as simply as you like, your recollection of some past experience that means something good to you, something you enjoyed, something from safe times. It can be, like my story below, anything – from an account of visiting grandparents to simply cooking and eating a melted-cheese sandwich in a favorite kitchen – you get to choose. How to do it: Write. Write enough so someone else can feel the mood, know what happened, find the goodness. (stop at 2,500 characters please!) Grammar, syntax, spelling, punctuation are not compulsory, just write as you can – the only important thing is the content - not literary merit. Short or long - it does not matter. I hope you enjoy, contribute and find a little distraction here when you need it. Croix

JacintaMarie Hi
  • replies: 1

HiMe again, been doing okay, however my inner voice keeps on thinking my management at work aren't very good. I feel terrible for having these thoughts & need to find another job. They're doing their best, is what I'm trying to tell myself, they're o... View more

HiMe again, been doing okay, however my inner voice keeps on thinking my management at work aren't very good. I feel terrible for having these thoughts & need to find another job. They're doing their best, is what I'm trying to tell myself, they're only human & not gods! I suppose I'm kinda asking for forgiveness for thinking this, as I cannot ever tell them this! They'll be hurt & angry. I need to accept the thoughts & don't deny otherwise the thoughts will get worse. I'm a bad person though, for thinking this.

Happylife Re: Feeling stuck
  • replies: 7

Hi Emilyem, Welcome!!! Feeling stuck can be very annoying especially when you know what to do but can't seem to get out of it. It's a very natural human experience, we all feel stuck at some point in life. So, the good thing is you are not alone. If ... View more

Hi Emilyem, Welcome!!! Feeling stuck can be very annoying especially when you know what to do but can't seem to get out of it. It's a very natural human experience, we all feel stuck at some point in life. So, the good thing is you are not alone. If you don't mind me asking and if you feel like sharing, is this feeling in general or is it a particular area for e.g. career, relationships or personal growth? The most challenging process is to identify the root cause that can help you become better like is it fear of failure, scared of change, self-doubt or something else. You can also speak to your GP or a professional who can guide you in the right way (if you haven't already). In the meantime, you can try taking small steps to get you out of your "comfort zone", make the task as easy as possible on yourself. Also, be gentle with yourself and give permission to make mistakes and learn from them. Challenge any negative self-talk and surround yourself with people who encourage and support you. Whenever I feel stuck, I take baby steps to try something different and I try to focus on making little progress than achieve perfection. Don't forget to appreciate yourself for whatever you achieve no matter how small, this will motivate you to move forward. I really hope you feel better. Here for you if you feel like chatting... Take careHappylife

LWW How to find meaning in life?
  • replies: 2

Hey guys, just recently moved to Australia this year, I'm currently in Year 12 and have been feeling monotonous recently, like everyday is more like a routine than having a purpose. I can't seem to find joy in what I do recently and with my friends, ... View more

Hey guys, just recently moved to Australia this year, I'm currently in Year 12 and have been feeling monotonous recently, like everyday is more like a routine than having a purpose. I can't seem to find joy in what I do recently and with my friends, I find that I have to put on a mask to pretend that everything is fine and dandy. I can't share my thoughts and feelings with them because I know that they are either not of maturity yet to handle these kind of things or they just don't want to handle emotions in general. I've tried to find some meaning by doing other things like hanging out with them, drawing or going to the gym but there's still an emptiness lingering. Has anyone been there before? Would appreciate some advice on this. Cheers.