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MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 219

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

Chris_B IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section
  • replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe spa... View more

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

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Kara01 conflicted
  • replies: 211

Hi I am at a very difficult time in my life as I want start a discussion with wife about transitioning to a woman. I have always felt female and wanted to be female but in my generation this would never have been accepted or respected. I have been ma... View more

Hi I am at a very difficult time in my life as I want start a discussion with wife about transitioning to a woman. I have always felt female and wanted to be female but in my generation this would never have been accepted or respected. I have been married to a wonderful woman for 39 years and I do love her and my children and grandchildren. I desperately don't want to hurt anyone but I am struggling more than ever with my identity and I don't know how much longer that I can keep my secret from everyone. Everyday I feel I am just lying to myself and I don't know how much longer I can do this for. Every time I see a woman of my age I just ask myself why couldn't it have been me that was born female and not trapped in my male body. I am very concerned about my current state of mind as I can only think about this issue and nothing else. I started to cross dress from a very early age and only ever felt a complete person when I was dressed in women's clothes. I am desperate to try and move on with my life but am terrified of the damage that I will cause to my family.

tmas Unable to share questions about gender
  • replies: 11

1. I have questioned my gender in some way for as long as I can remember, though it only occurred to me as maybe meaning something in my mid-late teens. It seems many of those around me believe only in male/female, gay/straight identities. They have ... View more

1. I have questioned my gender in some way for as long as I can remember, though it only occurred to me as maybe meaning something in my mid-late teens. It seems many of those around me believe only in male/female, gay/straight identities. They have no compassion towards those who choose to openly use labels and talk about 'those people' in a very patronising way. I have constant doubts in my mind as to whether what I think I'm experiencing exists at all - I only even have the language I do to express this because of extensive research I have done personally which usually quells my fears; I find internal acknowledgement is enough for me to get on more-or-less confidently, but as I grow close to people for the first time in my life this falls short. 2. I have a boyfriend. I fear that as long as straight (cisM/F) relationships are still on the cards (always will be, I'm bi) I don't feel I could ever voice these thoughts, particularly openly. I worry he wouldn't view me the same, and he seems of those who use labels like non-binary, or 'non-traditional' pronouns. Is this fear founded? Or at least shared by others? Knowing him, realistically I doubt he'd leave me for that reason, but the fear plays in my mind that he would view me differently and lose respect for me. Maybe I'm letting past experiences cloud my judgement. 3) Constant doubt that what I'm voicing here is real. I don't know anyone personally who relates to me. My main personal experiences with other LGBT+ people is limited to bi/gay women and they say they don't have these thoughts. I look feminine, I love makeup and nice clothes, I'm artistic. This creates a certain image and sometimes I enjoy this, sometimes I find it distressing. I have trouble with my body, but is that dysphoria or dysmorphia? I've heard of gender fluid identifying people and this resonates somehow. I all but shaved my hair off about a year ago which my mother shamed me for, and the look created conflict for me. I looked young due to small build which I didn't enjoy. Men avoided me which sometimes was upsetting, though I still snagged a boyfriend somehow - once I knew I was attracted to him I dialled up the femininity a little and it troubles me that I am being disingenuous, but pushing towards either end of the spectrum feel disingenuous, others' opinions constantly undermine my confidence. Clarity is needed, from real people. I haven't said all I probably need to but it's what fits in the textbox. Much appreciated x

zippedzipp LGBTQ+ Movie Recommendation: Dating Amber
  • replies: 4

Hey everyone, I watched a great movie tonight called Dating Amber, it's on Netflix. I think it could really help someone who's struggling with their identity or confused about their sexuality. It made me cry but in a happy way :') definitely worth a ... View more

Hey everyone, I watched a great movie tonight called Dating Amber, it's on Netflix. I think it could really help someone who's struggling with their identity or confused about their sexuality. It made me cry but in a happy way :') definitely worth a watch. Hope everyone is well!

tmas Straight friends fetishising queerness
  • replies: 3

Here goes… I’m bi and super open with it these days. I have other identity questions too (which I’m not ready to voice in the real world yet), and also don’t think of my bisexuality as a man/woman thing, but frankly that takes more explaining than I ... View more

Here goes… I’m bi and super open with it these days. I have other identity questions too (which I’m not ready to voice in the real world yet), and also don’t think of my bisexuality as a man/woman thing, but frankly that takes more explaining than I (or they it seems) have patience for with my cishet uni girlfriends. Basically, when I told them I was bi, I was asked the question what it’s like to be with a girl, I’m not one to over share so I just said I’m only interested in mutual feelings and stuff, not that weird to be asked. I have one friend, however, that really pushed it. She frequently asks, after months of being friends, whether I’m attracted to her and would like to ‘do stuff’ with her - ‘if she was into girls’, that is. Frankly, no. Physically she’s attractive, but in every other way I wouldn’t go there. It takes a bit more than appearances to be attracted to someone (but I know that isn’t what she’s asking). She says it as a casually and often in front of people so I usually just keep making deflective jokes until the subject changes, but my BF noticed too. I’m also uncomfortable because she has a boyfriend, as do I, and she makes sexual comments (I, quite embarrassingly, deflected this by instead talking about my current sex life which isn’t like me and I’m scared is disrespectful to my partner, but it did kind of curb the advances). I thought early on that maybe she was questioning, but as time goes on I think she may be insecure and wants to use my attraction to women as validation, like how she might find male attention validating except I’m just less threatening (and maybe if I were to declare my attraction there’d be lots of flattery and no pressure to act on it because she’s straight - I know in the past she, like myself and others, has felt like she needed to engage with men who’ve expressed attraction regardless of how she felt about him. It really feels like she thinks, if I’m bi, I’m some authority on attractive people because I’m attracted to anything that breathes, and I’m sure everyone here knows that simply isn’t true. She’ll touch and do something suggestive, I think compulsively seeking affection, and I apparently don’t know how to let someone down nicely without giving them room to continue overstepping boundaries. I’ve done too much therapy not to see this is seeking validation, and it peaked off the back of her last (messy) break up too. If she continues, how do I lay boundaries? Does this happen to others?

dougismydog How do you meet people when your in the closet and don’t have a social life anyway?
  • replies: 4

So… I’m new here. Hi. im 29, a I missed socialising when I was 14-20 and I’ve been stuck in a social rut for a long time now. More and more I’ve been realising how lonely I actually am and how much I wish to find a partner. But how? I don’t want to p... View more

So… I’m new here. Hi. im 29, a I missed socialising when I was 14-20 and I’ve been stuck in a social rut for a long time now. More and more I’ve been realising how lonely I actually am and how much I wish to find a partner. But how? I don’t want to put my face on and dating sites incase someone I know sees it and I don’t go out and socialise. Please help.

lamstokindustries How do I make gay friends my age?
  • replies: 7

I am a 20 year old, nonbinary, gay person in melbourne. I have never been able to make gay friends my age. I can never seem to find anyone. All I want is to make a genuine connection and make some male friends. I feel so lonely and have no idea where... View more

I am a 20 year old, nonbinary, gay person in melbourne. I have never been able to make gay friends my age. I can never seem to find anyone. All I want is to make a genuine connection and make some male friends. I feel so lonely and have no idea where to look. I've tried joining groups but I can never find them or I don't get responses back once i've applied... Can anyone help me? Now don't get me wrong I love my girl friends to bits... but I just want some male friends so I have someone to talk about things with that'll understand better. Might sound dumb but... I want that bromance feeling. If anyone has any suggestions, please, help me.

Guest_236 is it worth coming out as bisexual in my circumstances ?
  • replies: 8

Hi there, I'm Tea I hope you're all doing well; I'll get right into it. Some background information. I'm new to this section of Beyond Blue forums, and kind of new to the LGBT+ community. I'm a cis female, turned 18 last month. About a year ago, I st... View more

Hi there, I'm Tea I hope you're all doing well; I'll get right into it. Some background information. I'm new to this section of Beyond Blue forums, and kind of new to the LGBT+ community. I'm a cis female, turned 18 last month. About a year ago, I started questioning my sexual identity, although I think I kind of always knew I was bi. I came out to my friends (most of which are LGBT+) when I started dating another girl, although I implied I'm bi long before I officially came out. My relationship with the girl was brief, and didn't end on good terms. But I appreciate her and the experience nevertheless as it was really affirming. As for how I present, I'm pretty open about my identity with people my age, but only indirectly imply it. Here are my circumstances. I have not come out to my parents, and when relevant conversation topics or jokes arise, I subtly imply that I'm straight. I'm also in a happy and healthy relationship with a cis male (my parents don't know about it but I'm planning on tell them in a few months since I'm graduating high school soon). My mother is a Christian (Jehovah's Witness) but is accepting of LGBT+ people, as she believes "it's not their fault, they can't control who they're attracted to" and is very accepting towards my LGBT+ friends. She also thinks "if you're a christian, it's a sin once you act upon it" and so probably doesn't approve of Christians who are actively gay, and therefore might not approve of me being bi since she doesn't know I'm PIMO. My dad probably thinks about the same. My step father isn't religious and seems very accepting. But my step mum is straight up homophobic and biphobic even if she denies it. She voted no against gay marriage rights and has said that bi people are just selfish, horny and confused, and that's why they can't pick a side. It was really hurtful to hear. I'd be okay with identifying as straight unless I started a serious relationship with a girl, but knowing my step mum thinks that way (and also wanting to be authentic with my mum and dad for once in my life) makes me want to come out as bi, even if I'm in a straight relationship. but it also gives me more reason to not come out. what do you guys think? is it worth coming out? i know this is a big step, and something only i can decide to do once i think i'm ready. but i'd love to get some perspective thank you all so much

_emily_ Unsure about new friend
  • replies: 6

Hey everyone, i made this new female friend while I was at my workplace back in October. It’s really difficult for me to make new friends normally, but we became close very quickly. She’s super friendly, caring, we hang out all the time and she alway... View more

Hey everyone, i made this new female friend while I was at my workplace back in October. It’s really difficult for me to make new friends normally, but we became close very quickly. She’s super friendly, caring, we hang out all the time and she always goes out of her way to do things for me. So out of the blue one day she tells me this female friend of hers might like her as more than a friend. I’m like to her that’s cute if you like her why don’t you go on a date. My friend tells me she has a boyfriend that she finds this friend ugly, said she was disgusted and that she’s not a lesbian or part of the lgbtq group. She also said she would stop being friends with any girl who likes her, but if a guy liked her she would be fine with it. Btw her friend made no indication of liking her as more than a friend and it sounded like my friend made these things up. Her friend just said stuff like she misses her and had extra heart emoticons but somehow that made my friend think she had feelings towards her. Weirdly enough in the middle of the conversation she asks me what if I liked her but I didn’t say anything. After she said all these things about her friend I’m a bit worried about my friendship with her considering I’m not straight, but she doesn’t know that. I just don’t understand why she would tell me this and what should I do about the friendship?

RosalieHoney Finding a Job Where You Can Be Yourself?
  • replies: 5

Hi guys, first time poster here, a 24 y/o afab, with neurodivergency and chronic illness. I am bisexual and exploring my sexuality and gender further. The situation is that I grew up in a very intolerant religious household where I could not be who I... View more

Hi guys, first time poster here, a 24 y/o afab, with neurodivergency and chronic illness. I am bisexual and exploring my sexuality and gender further. The situation is that I grew up in a very intolerant religious household where I could not be who I am at all, and it hurt me a lot, as I'm sure many of you know. I've spent the last few years dealing with depression, anxiety and trauma and learning to feel safe exploring who I am. The lockdowns really helped me to feel like I can be myself, and I'm finally ready to explore work/study options and begin building a life for myself - as me. I've been very isolated, and I don't have anyone who doesn't fit the 'norm' to ask about well, how to actually do that. Here's the tricky thing. When I go to work, I feel a whole ton of pressure to present as straight, neurotypical, and generally very different to who I am. I've worked in a range of jobs to pay the bills including disability support and admin roles. I'm quite shy but very confident and outgoing when I am comfortable. It feels like I've spent all this time learning how to be myself, but then I can't be me from 9-5 for 5 days a week. I live in a trendy neighbourhood and I see a lot of people who have coloured hair, tattoos and unusual or androgynous clothes and who seem to laugh and joke with coworkers in chill cafes and feel so utterly comfortable in who they are. I don't feel like I can ever have that. And I'm so baffled at how they've found that supportive environment. All of my jobs have felt like I have to put on a costume to go to work. I've just moved to a new city, and I'm exploring new work and study options. If you are open about who you are, what industry do you work in? Do you feel like you have to hide? Are some industries better than others? Any and all advice is welcomed! Thanks in advance

Sezza_H Confused as to whether or not I am a lesbian
  • replies: 8

I'm confused as to whether or not I am a lesbian. This has been on my mind a lot lately and I feel very anxious about it. It's been weighing on my mind after I went on my first ever date. It was with a kind and genuine guy that I had been talking to ... View more

I'm confused as to whether or not I am a lesbian. This has been on my mind a lot lately and I feel very anxious about it. It's been weighing on my mind after I went on my first ever date. It was with a kind and genuine guy that I had been talking to for a few days prior to meeting up. I had a lovely time with him and we have a lot in common. However, the thought of being affectionate with him make me feel a little uncomfortable. Then I realised that the thought of being affectionate with any man makes me feel a little bit uncomfortable. I feel like I would be a lot more comfortable with affection if it was with another woman. I'm just really confused and I'm not sure what to think about this. Does this mean that I am a lesbian? How am I supposed to figure this out? What if I am actually straight and its just that I haven't met the right guy yet? In the meantime, I'm not sure what to do about this guy. Do I go on another date with him? I'm just so confused about it all and I'm not sure what to do...