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MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 221

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

Chris_B IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section
  • replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe spa... View more

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

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LittleBeanLad Confused and fed up lol
  • replies: 3

So I'll get straight to the point. I'm still a minor, but I'm pretty sure I'm asexual (and maybe aromantic but im not quite sure yet). My parents are homophobic. Not outrightly so, and they'd deny it if you ever accused them, but they're always subtl... View more

So I'll get straight to the point. I'm still a minor, but I'm pretty sure I'm asexual (and maybe aromantic but im not quite sure yet). My parents are homophobic. Not outrightly so, and they'd deny it if you ever accused them, but they're always subtly hating on LGBT and making mean jokes and sly digs at the whole thing. My mum goes through my social media from time to time, and I know she reads through my text messages (which I find very unsettling and frustrating but I dont want to confront her about it) so I just dont feel like I have a real safe space where I can talk to my friends about stuff except at school. But its currently school holidays so I cant chat to them either. This probably sounds pretty trivial and all over the place, but its really getting me down and I just dont know what to do anymore. Ive only gotten over some really bad depression in the last year, but it sometimes comes back up and I feel like i cant really ask my parents to let me have therapy sessions again because I've already 'gotten over it', but honestly i could really use it and ive got a whole lotta other crap I want to have someone to talk to about. I love my parents, but at the moment, im just avoiding them as much as i can and its making me miserable. I dunno what to do.

FiremanSam Where do I get the courage from to come out as Gay
  • replies: 4

Hi 50plus married Firefighter. I know i was gay in my teens, but because of the pressures and hatred of Gay people back in the 60's,70's,80's and 90's and also lack of internet I live my life as a 'straight' man.. It was just easier. My parents, espe... View more

Hi 50plus married Firefighter. I know i was gay in my teens, but because of the pressures and hatred of Gay people back in the 60's,70's,80's and 90's and also lack of internet I live my life as a 'straight' man.. It was just easier. My parents, especially my Dad was homophobic, and thought gay people had a sickness.. O ver the years ,after i got married the first time ,the true me started to surface and i hated myself for it.. But after a long time accepted who I was. But being married i just could come out. Then when that marriage broke down , I for some reason started dating more women.. Even though i had started to come out to some family and close friends.. Any I followed my usual routine and ended up marrying again.It's been 4 years now and my yearning for men is at an all time high.. I have promised myself that i will never cheat on my wife,and i will stand by that.. Although I am on a couple of gay sites and chat to some guys( I know still being dishonest and technically cheat).. What do I do? I love my wife and i know coming out in the fire brigade wont be easy.. Thanks

Dean_Dharug I feel trapped in Adelaide
  • replies: 9

The name says it all, really. I live in Adelaide; I have all my life. That said, I’ve never once been happy living here - I’ve wanted to live in the States ideally; somewhere where there was a vibrant LGBT scene and a nightlife, and where it catered ... View more

The name says it all, really. I live in Adelaide; I have all my life. That said, I’ve never once been happy living here - I’ve wanted to live in the States ideally; somewhere where there was a vibrant LGBT scene and a nightlife, and where it catered to all ages. Here it feels like there’s barely anything. Most of my friends are also located in the US, so that’s a major determining factor, too (I know it’s not exactly a welcome or safe space for LGBT people, but it’s where it feels like all the opportunities are). A friend of mine suggested moving to Melbourne, but…I don’t want to - I’ve always dreamed of being in the US (that dream has since become somewhat impossible due to issues with a past ex - TLDR: I can’t imagine going anywhere else other than his State and doing a road trip, but that isn’t possible with how things are right now). Even if I wanted to live in Melbourne, I can’t just “jump in blind”, and the friends I have in Melbourne are either unable or unwilling to help me. They say “spend a week or two here to see how you like it and if it suits” and then also go “we can’t accommodate, though”. It’s understandable and reasonable, but it’s just…frustrating. To top it all off, my mum passed recently, so I need to try and organise the house to possibly rent room (or the whole thing), especially if I decide to move. Right now…I’m just worried about time passing and me getting older. I don’t want to “age-gate” anything, but I also am aware that certain scenes agave certain “acceptable” age brackets. I could probably do Melbourne relatively soon, but the States has me existentially despairing. If I want to get there, I need to heal myself so I can approach my ex (who still says he’s up for being friends), then I’d need to develop that friendship to the point of asking if I could visit add it be acceptable, then I’d need to plan… I’ve wanted to do this for years, but I’ve only recently been able to…and even now I still can’t. I keep thinking “if only I’d known about how my ex felt sooner” (basically he was pretending he was okay and just being polite so he wouldn’t be “the bad guy” in the situation) then I could’ve started that process sooner, so I wouldn’t be looking at such a long road ahead. So…yeah: I want to get out of Adelaide, but I don’t really have a definitive end goal. People say Melbourne but that’s what they want me to want; I’ve always wanted the States, but can’t even consider going there now…all whilst I’m stuck here.

georgiegirl462 Feeling torn
  • replies: 2

Hi my name is georgiegirl462. I am 60, married with a transgender daughter. Her father and I are thrilled that she has finally discovered herself (four years ago at the age of 33). She is planning to have the op but she has to go to Canberra and we a... View more

Hi my name is georgiegirl462. I am 60, married with a transgender daughter. Her father and I are thrilled that she has finally discovered herself (four years ago at the age of 33). She is planning to have the op but she has to go to Canberra and we are in se qld. I was worried that she would be by herself for up to 2 weeks, one in hospital and one in a motel while she recovers. She has asked me to come down and be with her for one night while she gets from hospital to motel. Her father, my husband, has had a chronic pain disability for 30 years. He is mostly house bound and struggles to be be by himself. I work 3 days a week. I see my family rarely as they live in NSW and when I go to visit by myself, he needs carers to come in during the day. I had to say no to my daughter. She is very upset and can't understand why I choose her second over her father. I am torn, I so desperately want to go down to be with her but my husband is devastated at the thought of being left alone (depression, abandonment issues, fear of what could go wrong while I'm away, worried I may have to stay longer). She has no one else to turn to.

Freydis I'm. a. Lesbian ? Mainly venting .
  • replies: 4

Hi Everyone,I guess I'll get right in to it. I have been with my partner (Male) for over 10 years. I came out to him at the end of last year during a Manic episode it's something I've dealt with although I have never been with a women, I've certainly... View more

Hi Everyone,I guess I'll get right in to it. I have been with my partner (Male) for over 10 years. I came out to him at the end of last year during a Manic episode it's something I've dealt with although I have never been with a women, I've certainly had many crushes and many strong feeling friendships, during my teenage years I was very promiscuous (not sure what other word to use) so when I came out it was a surprise I suppose to every one I know. It's women I want to be with, It's women I want to spend my time with, I yearn for an intimate relationship with a Woman though I'm slightly attracted to certain men but can only see myself having a good time and nothing more I feel I don't relate to men from anything other then sexual, women on the other hand I just can't explain it . Anyways, I love my partner we have a good time,I trust him he's an amazing father he can be a bit full on so I enjoy my time away from him but also feel I miss him he's the only man I can see my self with. When I came out he didn't want me to leave and we have 2 young children so didn't want to split our family up, we came to an arrangement we would try dating while together though he is very jealous so I was hoping he would find some one and be okay with me looking for my someone, he had a few dates I would help him get ready he had sexual activity with one women twice but said it's not something he can do as he loves me and it doesn't feel right he feels he cheated, he's been beating himself up ever since even though I've told him it's changed nothing for me and I'm not upset I have always said through our entire relationship that he can have other sexual partners than just me please just be truthful about it, this is something he has never acted on aside from What I've just said above this . This has made it impossible for me to explore these feelings I have . I've told him that I won't leave him but this is something I want to explore even if it's not sexual I just want to meet women that feel the same way I do and form some sort of connection. Can I wait until my kids have left home ? Is that possible I feel I will end up hating him, then we thought about a "throuple" I've thought about this often and I would really love to try this though very hard to meet people with the same mind set . Any time my feelings/sexuality are brought up he gets very upset and says things like why do you like hurting me. I can assure you I don't but it's something I want to talk about.Appreciate

Mads33 Bisexual, but only ever been with a man
  • replies: 5

So at the end of last year I finally came out to my long term partner (cis het man) and told him I am attracted to more genders than just men (or bisexual). He was super supportive and it went really well. I felt such a relief after telling him - for... View more

So at the end of last year I finally came out to my long term partner (cis het man) and told him I am attracted to more genders than just men (or bisexual). He was super supportive and it went really well. I felt such a relief after telling him - for years I had in my head things like "maybe I'm gay and have been lying to my partner this whole time", "but I'm attracted to my partner so I can't be" etc. Once I could finally say I'm bisexual, I felt so much better. However, now I'm starting to share my sexuality with more people, I'm beginning to feel a bit fake. I've only ever been with a man and I don't plan on getting out of this relationship anytime soon, so sometimes I feel like I should've just pretended I was straight all along. But I also feel so much better identifying as bi. I just don't know how to feel valid and not invisible in that identity when I present as straight. I guess I'm wondering if anyone out there has been in a similar situation and what they did to feel more connected to their bisexual identity?

asianaussie Is there something wrong with me feeling curious about sex and sexuality?
  • replies: 3

I am 25 years old, still a virgin. I am also bisexual. I have grown up (and still live with) a conservative Christian family who are very strict and touchy with anything that goes their beliefs. From clothes to interests, career and relationship choi... View more

I am 25 years old, still a virgin. I am also bisexual. I have grown up (and still live with) a conservative Christian family who are very strict and touchy with anything that goes their beliefs. From clothes to interests, career and relationship choices, etc. Although I left the church 2 years ago, it is still a huge struggle for me to really be able to be myself. This includes finding relationships and socialising, engaging in the things typical teens/youth do. Lately I've really been wanting to experiment sexually and have been making efforts through what I wear, going to the gym to lose weight and get toned. Out f curiosity I've visited a strip club just to mingle with strippers/dancers, I've even gone to the point where I've been looking for escorts to go date and have sex with, even start a relationship with. So far, no one knows this thankfully. I know this is morally disgraceful, that this is risky and 'bad' for my future, my reputation. But honestly, after having lived so many years being told 'don't dress, don't do/say this', 'don't sin', I just want to be free and truly embrace independence. I'm sick of having to be the good girl, 'waiting for the right man' and settling down. When I see couples (especially lesbian couples), I can't help but feel jealousy and resentment. I have kept to myself for so long, because it feels like people will judge and criminalise me for wanting to be free sexually. I am at a loss on what to do. Any advice/experiences?

Aussie Platypus Sick of the hate
  • replies: 12

Having trouble expressing myself but I guess I feel like I’m constantly fighting. Fighting for people to use my pronouns, fighting to be safe, fighting to be loved, fighting to be respected & fighting for kids. I’m a student TA and all the gender bia... View more

Having trouble expressing myself but I guess I feel like I’m constantly fighting. Fighting for people to use my pronouns, fighting to be safe, fighting to be loved, fighting to be respected & fighting for kids. I’m a student TA and all the gender bias in schools is suffocating and I’m an adult! I’m also a Scout Leader and the only out gender fluid one that I know about and the gender stereotypes 🤯. I’m tired and I’m so lost, where do I even start! I know that there is at least 2 kids that are struggling with their identity and they aren’t even comfortable enough to talk to me about it. Stupid small minded little town.

gruidae Hate ramping up - worsening my cptsd
  • replies: 4

I'm really not coping with the escalation in queer and gender diverse people once again being the constant object of debate and discussion in order for a particular party to win an election. I suffered homophobic hate crime as a youngster - it's brin... View more

I'm really not coping with the escalation in queer and gender diverse people once again being the constant object of debate and discussion in order for a particular party to win an election. I suffered homophobic hate crime as a youngster - it's bringing it all up again. Every time there is a phase of our lives being up for heteroseuxal and cissexual people to debate on our legitimacy, violence surely follows. I'm having constant flashbacks to being beaten and raped in the school toilets when I was at highschool. I've seen it mainly coming down on gender diverse afab where it's taken root n the UK and it's making me too scared to leave the house. I know our voices aren't valued in the media, we're just a "big problem"to all cis/hetero people who need us to just disappear. They'll never stop. I'm 52 and it's never stopped. It will never get better, they'll never stop trying to vilify us ,bash us, rape us and destroy us. Any, the only way I'll ever be safe is not be part of the Australian community anymore. All I want is to find a way of forming a queer only community where we only have to have contact with each other and not this violent hateful society Our own businesses that exclude them , our own healthcare which excludes them - everything we need and a way to never have to encounter another people who actually belong out there in the hateful world. I'm so done. I'm sick of hiding in my house because everywhere - cishet people. Turn on the tv - there they are, with all their violence, hate and scare campaigns. How do I escape them? How do I escape this hateful world?

robinrue Struggling with being outed
  • replies: 3

I'm a Year 10 student, I go to an only girl's school, I am bisexual. Growing up I kind of always knew I was gay, I didn't have this massive revelation or came to terms with it I just knew. I was always pretty secretive about it though and still am, w... View more

I'm a Year 10 student, I go to an only girl's school, I am bisexual. Growing up I kind of always knew I was gay, I didn't have this massive revelation or came to terms with it I just knew. I was always pretty secretive about it though and still am, whenever someone directly asks me if I'm wlw I kind of just dance around the topic or change the subject. In year seven, I told one girl that I was gay and that I had a massive crush on a girl in my class (E), and the secret was out in a week.I got pulled out of French class and was told by people they knew I was gay. For the next year I got viciously bullied by EVERYONE in my grade, everyone ignored me, everyone talked shit about me, everyone hated me, but E (the girl I liked) and her friend group was the worst, they made me feel dirty and outcasted. Year 8, things got better, I got friends who were 'mean girls' they meant well, but sometimes they were really hurtful. After year 7 everyone forgot I was gay, my two friends that were 'mean girls' called me on my phone during lockdown and outed me again. I didn't even know how to respond other than 'Yeah I used to like E, but she's kind of annoying and ugly.' There were a few other times where I was nearly outed in art class (because I lied so much about being straight that one of the friends said 'what hold on...aren't you....') and I left before she could say it and cried. In Year 9, Everyone forgot I was gay which was a blessing in disguise. Now in Year 10, pretty much everyone's gay, even the people that outed me, they all forget that they bullied me or even hated me for it. The people who DO remember laugh about it and think its funny. I find it frustrating that they think they can talk on queer struggles when they've always been loved and accepted for their sexuality. They constantly make uncomfortable gay jokes abt them being hate-crimed or something similar. They had the privilege of figuring out their sexuality. Is it weird that I still hold a grudge towards them? That I, as a bisexual, don't group myself with them and I prefer to call myself gay? I think I'm super jealous and resentful towards them for it. It doesn't help that I'm kind of friends with most of the girls who bullied me and have now come out as bisexual now since they've miraculously forgot everything they did to me and other gay kids. I don't want to hate my friends but I still feel like deep down after everything I still hate them for how they treated my year 7 self. idk what to do.