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BeyondBlue Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental he... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental health and wellbeing. We welcome all conversations here and want to know how you feel and what has helped you to be your best self. A few important tips and rules for this section are below. What is important is that this is a welcoming, kind and supportive space for everyone. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ+) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ+ space. Thank you and welcome Beyond Blue

MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 223

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

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Alittlebitlost Where to meet young gay guys?
  • replies: 8

TL;DR. Where are straight-acting gay guys 18-29 in Melbourne? I am 22, gay and from Melbourne. I went to a moderately-conservative all boys school and I don’t know any gay people. I also don’t have any good friends anymore, just acquaintances. I mean... View more

TL;DR. Where are straight-acting gay guys 18-29 in Melbourne? I am 22, gay and from Melbourne. I went to a moderately-conservative all boys school and I don’t know any gay people. I also don’t have any good friends anymore, just acquaintances. I mean, there’s people who like me and ask me to hang out, but I don’t feel like I belong. I’m trying to find new friends but that’s besides the point. The main point is: I want to meet some gay people my age to be mates and maybe more. Tinder = failed. Honestly, I don’t find most guys attractive because I have a pretty defined type. And on top of that, I’m pretty masculine and looking for the same. I could be friends with fem guys, but unlikely for a relationship. And the very rare time I match with a guy who is my type, the conversation fizzles out because I suck at small talk. Grindr = oh my. I got hundreds of messages but half were creepy 50/60 year olds. The other half just wanted to have casual sex with anything right that second. I went to a gay bar a few times with some girls friends, but it was just lots of old ugly men who wanted me as a sex toy. I have no friends, no romantic prospects and I feel kind of lonely. Im not one to dwell or resign to a situation. I am determined to do something about it. This isn’t working, and something I’m doing is the reason it’s not working. But I don’t know where to start or to look next... Where do you meet young, straight-acting gay guys around my age? Do they even exist? Thanks. I know everyone’s dealing with their own stuff so cheers for taking the time to help me.

Emce Heart broken
  • replies: 3

Hi, I’m a 41 year old married lesbian with 2 kids. My wife and I have been together for 16 years. A couple of months ago my wife came to me and told me she was bi. I went through a lot of emotions and asked her a lot of questions, like are you going ... View more

Hi, I’m a 41 year old married lesbian with 2 kids. My wife and I have been together for 16 years. A couple of months ago my wife came to me and told me she was bi. I went through a lot of emotions and asked her a lot of questions, like are you going to want to explore? Is there someone you’re attracted to? At this stage I was suspicious about her male boss. She told me it wasn’t about anyone, and she didn’t want to explore and that nothing has to change. I was worried she was going to decide she wanted a man more than me. Not long after she told me this, she told her boss, which I thought could only mean one thing. I think her boss thought that was his chance, and started to charm her and flirt with her, ( he cheated on his own wife with his current girlfriend). Unfortunately she gave into him and started flirting with him back. Anyway to make a long story short, her end of year work Xmas party came up, and I told her I would drive her so she could drink. She said she’d think about it ( I didn’t know it was an over night camp). I didn’t think she wanted go so I forgot all about it. 3 days before the event she tells me she wants to go alone to her Xmas party and tells me it’s over night. I was weary about it, I had a bad feeling. And started to question her relationship with her boss. She lied to me so much.So she cheated on me, she had a threesome with him and his girlfriend, she tells me she didn’t sleep with him, only her, but it was to impress him. I am still absolutely devastated, I’m not sure I’m going to be able to trust her again. And now she has asked to be in an open marriage. I’m stuck as to what to do. My mind is all over the place, she is the love of my life and I don’t want to lose her, but she’s hurt me so bad, how can I trust her to be honest with me?

R-r Struggling and feeling lonely as i am unable to meet gay people in sydney
  • replies: 2

I moved to Sydney in May and I have never found it so hard to meet other gay people. I am 45 years old and this is the loneliest i have ever felt to the point i think i am starting to get depressed I have tried groups with no response back. Have gone... View more

I moved to Sydney in May and I have never found it so hard to meet other gay people. I am 45 years old and this is the loneliest i have ever felt to the point i think i am starting to get depressed I have tried groups with no response back. Have gone out and all what people seen to want is NSA. Why is it so hard? I am i doing something wrong? I really dont know what else to do.

Jafar the Barmecide Wanting to be the Dad his gay son needs.
  • replies: 15

G’day I have drafted this post so many times I can’t remember, please forgive me if I inadvertently say the wrong thing. I admit I need educating. I want to ask permission from the members who post here to ask questions about LGBT+ perspectives. I ha... View more

G’day I have drafted this post so many times I can’t remember, please forgive me if I inadvertently say the wrong thing. I admit I need educating. I want to ask permission from the members who post here to ask questions about LGBT+ perspectives. I have a 17-year-old son who is gay. He has come out to his mother, and he asked her not to tell me because he is afraid that I will reject him or even physically hurt him. This makes me feel enormously guilty and tremendously sad. But he has good reasons. The 21st century is like another world from the time I grew up in, and it has been slow progress I admit, but beliefs can be changed. I am changing my attitude about gay people as part of challenging the societal conditioning I have learned and lived all my life. I love my son unconditionally; I want him to know that. I worry about him so much and I want to protect him. I have had no experience of LGBT+ life, I don’t know anybody who is gay that I can ask, I don’t have any friends to confide in who would understand. I don’t want to lose him, and I want to be part of his life and understand him as he is, not who he is when he is trying to hide his real self from me. The boy is afraid of me and it is my fault. I am to blame. I want to make it right. I am afraid that he won’t ever come out to me unless I tell him that I know. If I do that then I could damage the sacred trust he has in his mother who has, with all good intentions, nevertheless breached that trust by telling me. I don’t want to do that. What is the best way to handle this? How did you come out to your dad? If it went badly then how do wish it would have happened? Should I just ask him, ‘Are you gay?’ and pretend it just crossed my mind for some reason? I have so many questions so I am here to respectfully ask for your help. I am in new territory, and I don’t want to lose him I want to support him and be an ally. Thanks for any advice, corrections or knowledge you might offer

white knight LGBTIQ+ Not conventional? you are still a jigsaw piece.
  • replies: 11

We have around 8 billion people on the planet now. Imagine if we were all one piece of a jigsaw puzzle? And lets say that if you were uncertain of your gender, gay, lesbian....anything other than heterosexually inclined...those pieces were painted wh... View more

We have around 8 billion people on the planet now. Imagine if we were all one piece of a jigsaw puzzle? And lets say that if you were uncertain of your gender, gay, lesbian....anything other than heterosexually inclined...those pieces were painted white and that puzzle was complete, 8 billion pieces. Well IMO the puzzle would look very peppered with splashes of white everywhere. We humans are different from each other (lets not include twins/triples etc). We are unique and I'd argue we are all individually wonderful. But in my mind it never was that way. At age 16-35 I grew up in the 1970's and 1980's. Working in the defence forces my homophobia was along the then traditional lines. I was no different to the next guy. We banded together like wolves after prey. I was disgusting, when I recall my level of hatred. And now in recent times I read my Facebook friends, wolves of a sort, and their prey are muslims. How naïve, muslims, all of them are suffering the wrath of the simpletons, attacking all because they don't have the intelligence to realise and accept that 95% or more muslims are incredibly wonderful representatives in our society. Like non muslims and the gender ostracised, they have their own jigsaw piece no larger now colourful than anyone elses. So I feel for those people in between, off white is their jigsaw piece, wondering if they are gay or not, transsexual or not, worthy or not of anything at all. For those people are in limbo wondering, hoping for answer on forums like this one. They are alone. Other people might well have similar issues but none are at the same point at the same transition period on the same gender road of internal conflict. So pick up your game!! You are worthy of anything other people are worthy of. Stand your ground. If ever there was a strain of people that are the infidels it is those that have not transgressed from that homophobic way to open their hearts to accept you and help you along your journey. Your journey...is yours to own. It is unique just like you. It is colourful just like your heart and it is worthy of a good happy life no matter your decisions at the crossroads. And guess what. That jigsaw...you can only see it from outer space its so large. You gaze down to see a huge heart of various shades of colour including white a massive puzzle now making sense. Your piece is missing as you are not there this day. And the jigsaw is not complete without it. Your piece is valuable. Tony WK

yorkiemum Parent needing support
  • replies: 7

Help I need to find people to talk to so I can support my child! They are seeking professional help but I need help to support them. My child is 14 years old and exploring their identity and gender they want to are. They have aniexity, depression som... View more

Help I need to find people to talk to so I can support my child! They are seeking professional help but I need help to support them. My child is 14 years old and exploring their identity and gender they want to are. They have aniexity, depression some self harm and teenage hormones! I need help as I feel like I'm failing as a parent and don't know who to turn to.

Nick1230 I'am having issue with my gender identity
  • replies: 2

I'm having issues with my gender identity, and I feel more female within, and my mind is also female, and I do think and behave like my mother and a woman. but my family see me as a male including my mother. One of my close's friends from high school... View more

I'm having issues with my gender identity, and I feel more female within, and my mind is also female, and I do think and behave like my mother and a woman. but my family see me as a male including my mother. One of my close's friends from high school and he alrighty know what I was by seeing in my eyes and he wanted to save me from my mother and her family, but I didn't want to compromise myself. If I did make love to him, they will hurt me and him. This has been in my heart since I was 21 years old and now, I'm 35 years old and it starting to hurt me very much and I was wearing my mother dresses privately in my room door close and locked. I come a family is very controlling and like to make decision and don't want you to have your own live. I have tried to comfort my mother about my feelings, but I can't because she might do something to me.

_Lee_ Gender confusion, questioning, depression - my 15yo
  • replies: 7

My 15yo son has spiralled into a deep depression and has started self harming himself. Today he asked if I would support him if he was gay/bi/whatever via email and I said that I might struggle with it but I would always love him no matter what. I th... View more

My 15yo son has spiralled into a deep depression and has started self harming himself. Today he asked if I would support him if he was gay/bi/whatever via email and I said that I might struggle with it but I would always love him no matter what. I think he is going to say he is trans - but I'm not sure if he is or not. You see, his greatest and best friend came out as trans mtf about a year ago and has been sooooo much happier. I have never considered my son may be trans too (?I don't even know what I would think I'd be seeing). I feel like my son has been depressed for some time and I wonder if perhaps he's taking on some of the 'happier identity' of his best friend to try to help him feel happier too? So maybe questioning? Maybe asexual? Pansexual? Gay/bi??? I am hoping that he's not been influenced to try to feel a particular way by his best friend as I want my son to be true to himself, and to be happy again. I don't care if he's trans or not but I worry that maybe he's either 'taking on' the friends identity or even that his best friend is encouraging him to 'try to be trans' when he is just depressed and lost at the moment. I've probably put this all wrong, and been horribly offensive but I just want him to find a way out of his depression (with qualified help of course) and to be true to himself no matter who he is. I am trying to think of it in a different way too - so, would someone who was depressed and possibly gay maybe be influenced by a best friend who is straight and happy? Would the depressed person maybe 'try' to be straight in order to try to be happy? Am I just totally full of rubbish here? I'm so genuinely sorry if this hasn't come out right, but my child is hurting horribly and I just want them to be supported to find their own path.

PandoranMama Some LGBTQA+ Positivity!
  • replies: 4

A quick glance in this forum had me feeling awkward and kinda down, with how many people are scared about their feelings about their gender, or people realizing that the people they love and know are wanting to explore their identity. So I thought th... View more

A quick glance in this forum had me feeling awkward and kinda down, with how many people are scared about their feelings about their gender, or people realizing that the people they love and know are wanting to explore their identity. So I thought that maybe a thread for some positivity for my fellow queer people to post in would do some good! So if you're wanting to share some amazing things that have happened and have to do with your identity, then please share! I'll start... Hi, I'm Mads, Mama or Yeen mostly. New nicknames are always welcome.I'm a Non-Binary/Genderqueer, Asexual, Queer, and Indigenous person who currently resides in Queensland. I've only really been part of the queer community since around like 2015-16, and only more recently did I find out I was Asexual, but figuring things out have made a lot of things make sense. I'm planning to go and visit my gf next year, as they live in Chicago, damn LDRs lol, and it will be the first time we've seen each other face-to-face since we've been dating. We met when I visited the US in 2017, but that was two years before we got together — out anniversary is at the end of this month(Nov 29th). I'm so excited, but damn is flying not cheap, lol

Earth Girl People assuming I like them even when I don't
  • replies: 11

I think I might be bisexual because I like guys and am curious about girls, but a lot of people assume I'm a lesbian and some girls just assume that I like them when it's very often not the case. I'm shy and socially awkward so it's easy for people t... View more

I think I might be bisexual because I like guys and am curious about girls, but a lot of people assume I'm a lesbian and some girls just assume that I like them when it's very often not the case. I'm shy and socially awkward so it's easy for people to make rumors about me (such as saying I'm a lesbian). Someone even said that I have an "off manliness" about me. I don't know what it is that I do that makes people think that because some people say I'm really gentle and that's not seen as a "manly" trait. When I was in year 7, there was a girl there who seemed to think I was gay and that I liked her and I don't know why. I sat next to her once because she was sitting next to the spot where I usually sat. I had literally NO attraction to her though. I went to this program place for people with mild disabilities and this girl there seemed like she felt uncomfortable around me and so did her sister who sometimes came and they would talk about me. I wasn't even attracted to them at all though, they really were NOT my type. There was another girl there who I wasn't attracted to either, but if I were to be attracted to someone there, it would have been her and she seemed to be fine with me. Sometimes when I do find a girl kind of attractive/make me a bit confused, they seem to be able to tell and other times they can't. But even when they can tell, they seem to think I'm more attracted to them than I really am and they sometimes seem uncomfortable. I feel kind of bad about this. And sometimes when I come out as bisexual to someone, they start acting uncomfortable around me, even if I'm not attracted to them at all. I don't know what to do about all this. Also, do I seem "masculine/manly" to you? I don't know what exactly it is that makes people think that. Why do some girls assume I like them even when I have no attraction to them at all? Most days I dress quite girly and my voice usually sounds soft and high.