Sexuality and gender identity

Peer support and conversations about anxiety, depression and other issues in the mental health space affecting LGBTQI+ people.

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MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 212

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

Chris_B IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section
  • replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe spa... View more

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

All discussions

LittleMissAlice I Feel like I'm Fake
  • replies: 32

Hello there! This is my first time doing this... Um, I guess I'll just start? Hellooooooo, my name is Marie, I've been transgender for a while now (maybe 2 years? I don't know) but recently I've been feeling very Down In The Dumps about it all. I thi... View more

Hello there! This is my first time doing this... Um, I guess I'll just start? Hellooooooo, my name is Marie, I've been transgender for a while now (maybe 2 years? I don't know) but recently I've been feeling very Down In The Dumps about it all. I think it just randomly kicked in that, while I'm female in my head, I'll never, ever be able to be fully, biologically female, which is a bit depressing, obviously. I've just been feeling like I'll always be fake, no matter what I do. That I'll never have the right experiences, the right body, the right anything to be, I don't know, correct. Theres also the realisation that it's done. There's no second chances or second lives or anything, I had one shot, and this one stupid little chromosome screwed it up. I'll never have that chance again, which is also incredibly depressing So yeah Im just feeling like I'll always be fake and I'm not really sure how to deal with those emotions, and I usually operate better when someone else tells me how to do stuff lol Thanks, probably? - Marie xo

Closettrans Just turned 45 and cant hide it anymore, im gender fluid and want embrace it. Where do i start
  • replies: 4

So, i just turned 45 and in a loving marriage of 12 years to a woman i love dearly. We have a miracle ivf son of 6 years old and things are ok. But since around the age of 12 i have felt different, i am a male but love everything feminine. The clothe... View more

So, i just turned 45 and in a loving marriage of 12 years to a woman i love dearly. We have a miracle ivf son of 6 years old and things are ok. But since around the age of 12 i have felt different, i am a male but love everything feminine. The clothes, the makeup, the heels... OMG the heels. Year after year i have had "crossdressing periods" and episodes of buying and purging clothes to the point i was nearly declared bankrupt. Then i met my wife who probably saved me from god knows what. I have maintained a great relationship and the sex is fantastic but the attration to my feminine side has grown stronger and stronger. Now since turning 45 and in the washup of lockdown i discovered i feel most comfortable when im in female clothes or styles. I now want to embrace the feminine side of me and want to be truthful to myself and my wife. Now here is the problem, my wife despises lying, to the point she will break a friendship. Im worried about how she will react, and how she will take it. I have also developed an attraction to transexual women, to the point of watching porn, and considering experimenting with a trans woman. Now i would never cheat on my wife, but i feel like i am with all the sneaking around. Please help me clear the fog in my head and lift the weight off me.

Jo8049 Just want to chat about anything and everything ?
  • replies: 3

Hi , Jo W here . A little history ( mine ) . Living in a semi remote area means there is no one for day to day chats . Even have to go 45 km for a coffee at a friends house in one direction and same in opposite direction to a road house . So , I was ... View more

Hi , Jo W here . A little history ( mine ) . Living in a semi remote area means there is no one for day to day chats . Even have to go 45 km for a coffee at a friends house in one direction and same in opposite direction to a road house . So , I was in hope that a thread for isolated or lone/lonely people and everyone else of course might add colour to people's days ? I have a ham radio foundation license and radio gear and that has served me well to ease the isolation . Since Jo kicked the door in ( late 2020 ) the options for everyday contact out here have diminished , but now we have here ( very good outcome I think ). Looking forward to hearing stories of you all . ( don't be shy ) . Any stories , your journeys , your thoughts , adventures etc Lol and hugs , Jo W

Biguy123 Bi married
  • replies: 1

Hi, I am a 42 year old married dad with two young kids. I have been married for 18 years. I have a wonderful wife that is also a good mother to our children. I see guys for sex and my wife knows about this, she is ok with it as long as it’s just to f... View more

Hi, I am a 42 year old married dad with two young kids. I have been married for 18 years. I have a wonderful wife that is also a good mother to our children. I see guys for sex and my wife knows about this, she is ok with it as long as it’s just to fulfil my sexual needs with guys. She has known that I like guys for sex since even before we got married. Over the years though my craving for guys has grown. My wife and I have sex but, not often at all and when we do I feel as though I do it just to get it done as neither of us want a sexless marriage. I have anxiety and we have been arguing a lot, mostly because of things she says to me that I get insecure about. I constantly seek reassurance. Most of the time she is patient with me and we move on. My wife is not affectionate and never really has been however, lately for some reason o have been craving affection. I have also been having thoughts of separation, which is not really ideal as we still love each other and I want to be with my little kids all the time. I should mention I have had psychological help and psychiatric help to manage my anxieties as well. Anyone else in a similar situation? Feeling confused.

thehiss Too embarrassed to come out
  • replies: 7

I have always known that I was gay, especially from a very young age. When I was growing up in the very late 90's and early 2000's I often heard people say derogatory things about LGBTQ+ people, however for the last 15 years I have pretty much been h... View more

I have always known that I was gay, especially from a very young age. When I was growing up in the very late 90's and early 2000's I often heard people say derogatory things about LGBTQ+ people, however for the last 15 years I have pretty much been housebound due to my autism and anxiety disorders so I haven't had much interaction with other people. I'm now in my twenties but I'm too embarrassed to come out to people. I fear that if I do people are going to judge me or think that there is something seriously wrong with me (I won't go into detail about what I think people would say about me). I have been told by some of my relatives that people's views have changed a lot compared to 15 years ago, but I don't believe it. I still think that I should be keeping my head down and saying nothing or trying to 'hide' my sexuality. I feel like I will never be accepted and will always be a judged outcast. I know that this is a common issue for a lot of people who are part of the LGBTQ+ community, which in turn feeds into my fears even more. Anyway I just felt like letting this off my chest, thank you for taking the time to read this

white knight LGBTIQ+ Not conventional? you are still a jigsaw piece.
  • replies: 6

We have around 8 billion people on the planet now. Imagine if we were all one piece of a jigsaw puzzle? And lets say that if you were uncertain of your gender, gay, lesbian....anything other than heterosexually inclined...those pieces were painted wh... View more

We have around 8 billion people on the planet now. Imagine if we were all one piece of a jigsaw puzzle? And lets say that if you were uncertain of your gender, gay, lesbian....anything other than heterosexually inclined...those pieces were painted white and that puzzle was complete, 8 billion pieces. Well IMO the puzzle would look very peppered with splashes of white everywhere. We humans are different from each other (lets not include twins/triples etc). We are unique and I'd argue we are all individually wonderful. But in my mind it never was that way. At age 16-35 I grew up in the 1970's and 1980's. Working in the defence forces my homophobia was along the then traditional lines. I was no different to the next guy. We banded together like wolves after prey. I was disgusting, when I recall my level of hatred. And now in recent times I read my Facebook friends, wolves of a sort, and their prey are muslims. How naïve, muslims, all of them are suffering the wrath of the simpletons, attacking all because they don't have the intelligence to realise and accept that 95% or more muslims are incredibly wonderful representatives in our society. Like non muslims and the gender ostracised, they have their own jigsaw piece no larger now colourful than anyone elses. So I feel for those people in between, off white is their jigsaw piece, wondering if they are gay or not, transsexual or not, worthy or not of anything at all. For those people are in limbo wondering, hoping for answer on forums like this one. They are alone. Other people might well have similar issues but none are at the same point at the same transition period on the same gender road of internal conflict. So pick up your game!! You are worthy of anything other people are worthy of. Stand your ground. If ever there was a strain of people that are the infidels it is those that have not transgressed from that homophobic way to open their hearts to accept you and help you along your journey. Your journey...is yours to own. It is unique just like you. It is colourful just like your heart and it is worthy of a good happy life no matter your decisions at the crossroads. And guess what. That jigsaw...you can only see it from outer space its so large. You gaze down to see a huge heart of various shades of colour including white a massive puzzle now making sense. Your piece is missing as you are not there this day. And the jigsaw is not complete without it. Your piece is valuable. Tony WK

ValkyrieStorm9 Questioning my sexuality
  • replies: 3

From the age of 16 I have identified as Bisexual. I have been sexual with both males and females and enjoy both. However, I have only really been in relationships with men. In all of these relationships I have cheated on them with women. I am now mar... View more

From the age of 16 I have identified as Bisexual. I have been sexual with both males and females and enjoy both. However, I have only really been in relationships with men. In all of these relationships I have cheated on them with women. I am now married to a man and we have 2 young kids together. I have just been caught cheating on him for the 4th time in our 10 year relationship. He has given me yet another chance because he loves me unconditionally but I am starting to think the reason I cannot stay faithful to him is because I am actually a lesbian but I have never been in a relationship with a woman to truely find out. I have very strong feelings for the woman I recently cheated with. My main concern is my children and my marriage. I don’t want to throw my marriage away and force my children into a split home and change my whole life if I am not 100% sure. I do love my husband and don’t want to continue hurting him with my cheating either. I am starting to feel like the reason I cheat is because there is something missing in our relationship. I am extremely lost. I don’t know who I am anymore or what I want and I have a lot on the line. I guess I’m just looking for advice on how to work out what to do.

Emstar__3 Im confused
  • replies: 3

Hi, I'm new to beyond blue. I'm a 14-year-old girl who's confused about my sexuality. I think I might be asexual as I don't understand what's so good about kissing and sex. I also don't understand why people get into relationships as isn't a partner ... View more

Hi, I'm new to beyond blue. I'm a 14-year-old girl who's confused about my sexuality. I think I might be asexual as I don't understand what's so good about kissing and sex. I also don't understand why people get into relationships as isn't a partner the same as a best friend but you kiss?? and live together?? sorry if I'm offending anyone I truly don't understand. I know find lovey-dovey stuff gross and very much dislike romantic novels and movie. Do any of you guys have any advice for me? This isn't an urgent thing, but it's just been crossing my mind. I also thought what if someone likes me how do I explain to them that I don't really feel attracted to anyone. Also, how can I tell my parent that I don't want a boyfriend, girlfriend or partner of any gender? I know I still have a lot of time to find my sexuality and true self, but these questions have just been replaying in my head every day. Thank you!! I hope you all are doing well and have a good night, day or evening. Emstar :3

NutSure I came out but nit sure what's the next step
  • replies: 6

Hi, Its really nice to read all the posts here which made me stronger each day I read them for past 2 years at least. Here is my story which I wanted to share as I dont have many people around me with whom I can share this. I am 33 year old and have ... View more

Hi, Its really nice to read all the posts here which made me stronger each day I read them for past 2 years at least. Here is my story which I wanted to share as I dont have many people around me with whom I can share this. I am 33 year old and have been struggling like many to accept my sexualty for last 20 years or so. Always sidelined the thoughts and actions as a curiosity but after moving in to Au and getting more and more exposure and knowledge about the facts I realised and settled down with myself that I am gay and it took me quite a few years to utter that to myself and make my body and mind accept that. And reading all those stories over here in this forum gave me so much of strength that I finally confessed to my wife yesterday that I think I am gay and to my sheer surprise she reacted abnormally ok, and she is fine with that and I told her that I had never cheated on her for last 8 years of our marriage (which is the truth). I have had attraction towards many men but I warded off those thoughts just because I am married to her. I afraid she is taking things very lightly, and the only thing she asked me if that was the reason why I have not been bothered for not having sex with her for last couple of years, though she have been not keeping well physically which contributes to that fact too along with my disinterest. I am not sure what's going to be the next step as currently she is ok to stay with me and I also have not thought what to do next because I was not sure what her reaction will be. We have a 2 year old boy which we have to take care of. And we don't have nay family near us. So just wanting to know if any one have a similar situation and anything I can do to help my mental state, though must say a big burden has been released and I dont think I can come out to anyone else in my family now or ever for that matter

Guest_2503 Torn between loving someone or walking away
  • replies: 6

Hi there, I'm a seventeen year old girl and I've recently realised that I've fallen in love with my toxic ex best friend? Things are so complicated right now. We used to be extremely close but after a few years of her bullying me, a few years of her ... View more

Hi there, I'm a seventeen year old girl and I've recently realised that I've fallen in love with my toxic ex best friend? Things are so complicated right now. We used to be extremely close but after a few years of her bullying me, a few years of her gaslighting me and blaming me for everything (with good moments in between), a few misunderstandings, a phone call where she tells me how I mean nothing to her, and a term's worth of ignoring each other, things have just fallen apart. I know that she isn't exactly good for my mental health but I often find myself missing her company and wishing that things could go back to the way they used to be. I guess I liked who I was when I was with her, I could listen to her talk all day, I felt seen and understood when I was with her, I really loved her and I just wanted to be there for her. I was the one who ended our friendship (because at some point I couldn't deal with the way she treated me anymore) but I still feel very guilty over it as she deals with various mental health problems (trich, anxiety, OCD and likely borderline) and for a while I was her only friend and the only one she could open up with about these things. I'm so torn between fixing things with her or staying away. As of right now we are civil and slowly becoming friends, the problem with that is I tend to get extremely attached to people and can get hurt by their words and actions extremely easily (she is quite a mean and insecure person who attacks the flaws of those around her to make herself feel better) and I'm scared of what will happen to my mental state if we become close again. Most of my friends tell me to just get over my feelings and move on (they don't know that I'm in love with her, they just think that we were really good friends) which isn't helping me much. I'm torn between trying to be there for someone who probably needs it and protecting myself from the possible hurt which could come from loving this person. She's the first girl I've fallen in love with and it's just been really hard and I've never felt more alone before. Most of my friends are homophobic, as are my family who would disown me if they found out. Part of me is also dealing with internalised shame about being LGBT+ as I am religious. I'm just really struggling and I would appreciate any advice. Should I try to help and love someone who's broken my heart and trust before or should I let things go and try my best to get over it as everyone tells me to?