Immediate support
Immediate support

Sexuality and gender identity

Peer support and conversations about anxiety, depression and other issues in the mental health space affecting LGBTQI+ people.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 219

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

Chris_B IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section
  • replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe spa... View more

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

All discussions

Start a discussion

O_worm Stressed about Internet bigotry
  • replies: 2

Anyone else get super stressed about the world is and other people’s bad opinions?? Especially with the recent debates around trans issues and the utterly nonsensical bigotry spewed by terfs... I’m not even sure if I’m trans ngl (would love some advi... View more

Anyone else get super stressed about the world is and other people’s bad opinions?? Especially with the recent debates around trans issues and the utterly nonsensical bigotry spewed by terfs... I’m not even sure if I’m trans ngl (would love some advice there too) but seeing people with such bad takes literally makes me like,,, physically feel horribly cold with utter anxiety. The fact that there are people out there who can think such spiteful thoughts? I guess? And ngl part of me always thinks that like, surely if they actually understood the reality of how the gender binary harms not only trans folk but also minorities of all forms, and could see how the binaries of their form of “”feminism”” ignores their other privileges and is incredible harmful in the long run - like. I get that is soo unlikely to happen but I can’t stop engaging in the Disk Horse tm and then getting super anxious about it all. OCD thoughts & bouts of insomnia are doubly unhelpful there. I also don’t know how to talk about any of it to a therapist. I’ve been to a few but they’ve always seemed pretty detached & I’m so bad at talking about my issues or what I’m experiencing it’s not even funny. Have some symptoms but nothing big and I always feel so whiny lmao. Which is kinda what I’m doing here but I just... felt like I needed to talk about it somewhere?? Anyway this is absolutely a rant post and I cannot bring myself to read back on it again because it’s so messy & potentially cringe. But. Looking for general advice or someone out there who sympathises, I guess. Or just using the chance to rant. Any tips on how to deal with anxiety / Internet arguments (I try not to engage, I really do, but then it eats at me)? Any advice on how to get through gender confusion/panic? Any insights into finding a good counsellor or therapist for small issues when you’re incapable of expressing yourself to people directly?

How_To_Live_This_Life Do I confess to my married friend that I love him?
  • replies: 14

Met this person a couple of months ago and got to spend time with him semi-regularly doing what we're both passionate about. He's brilliant in what he does and one of the nicest people I've ever met. Our newly built friendship was going really well, ... View more

Met this person a couple of months ago and got to spend time with him semi-regularly doing what we're both passionate about. He's brilliant in what he does and one of the nicest people I've ever met. Our newly built friendship was going really well, we share stories and would confide to each other about anything, just like what good mates would do. I thought things would stay that way and i really hoped it did, until I developed romantic feelings for him. And now he's become the source of my anxiety and depression. Not a day goes by that I don't think of him and the next time i'd get to spend time with him, it's driving me mad to the point that i already miss out on work, for a couple of days now. He doesn't know this, I act normal when I'm around him. The psychologist I talked to brought up the idea of confessing to him to relieve myself of the suppressed feelings that's eating me up inside but my gutfeel tells otherwise. For one, I don't know if I'm ready to lose him if he takes it negatively and feels betrayed by me. And secondly, I think it would be very unfair to him to process what i want to tell him. Lastly, he's married and i can't sense even the slightest gayness in him. At this stage, I'm more convinced that I'm not gonna tell him. I could really use some sound advice from anyone on how I can better go through this phase of my life or if there's any good that would come out in telling him should my decision change later on. And to you my friend, I probably won't have the chance to tell you this in person. But if you happen to drop by here and get the slightest clue that this is about you, please do know that I've always respected my boundaries when I'm with you. I've never done anything to break your trust nor take advantage of your kindness. I know being good mates is all we'll ever be and I would do my damn best to keep things that way, regardless of the pain and mental struggle it's causing me at the moment. I would do my best to get over my feelings for you my friend, it won't be easy and things would get worse for me before it gets better but i will work on it. I hope we can as stay good mates regardless.

One_love When to come out to new friends? 😕💜
  • replies: 3

Hi Everyone, Hope to be of help to some and perhaps ask for some advice/educate myself better. I'm a 30+ year old gay women in a very long term relationship. There are so many areas to touch on but perhaps the following is is a good start? My 20's pr... View more

Hi Everyone, Hope to be of help to some and perhaps ask for some advice/educate myself better. I'm a 30+ year old gay women in a very long term relationship. There are so many areas to touch on but perhaps the following is is a good start? My 20's progressively became lonelier for a number of reasons and I've started making new friends in my 30's. Concern being, I'm out to my family, doctor, social media and haven't really carried on other friendships from my younger years (which is a whole other upset). For several years, I've constantly kept up as much as possible with LGBTQIA+ everything and I'm really trying to work on diminishing my shame. I'm very lonely but trying to work on shame with my sexuality due to religious upbringing so that I'm able to make new connections. I'm wondering what you may think about 'who you owe it to' to let them know of your sexuality. I'm going to a first 'outside work' event/evening catch-up over the weekend with this one friend and we're both excited plus two others on her side are coming. I've definitely overthought things for too long and some days think 'eff it, just tell her'. Actually have a feeling her sibling is gay. Anyway, it's so hard. We have to constantly come out and it's that thing of thinking, well she must know from social media. Do we need to tell new friends? When? Does it really matter? Also, exhausted of 'covering up' my relationship in certain settings..everytime it hurts and I'm really noticing this change in myself to not let it matter so much but of course, life ain't easy. Thanks!

Stuck_in_the_closet How do you describe sexual attraction
  • replies: 4

So I was wondering if anyone is able to help describe what sexual attraction feels like and the distinguishing factors between sexual attraction and other forms of attraction. I’m not in a position where I am able or feel comfortable experimenting wi... View more

So I was wondering if anyone is able to help describe what sexual attraction feels like and the distinguishing factors between sexual attraction and other forms of attraction. I’m not in a position where I am able or feel comfortable experimenting with other people, and I feel like if I was better able to seperate these feelings it would help me to work out my sexuality.

kashiic Autism in "women" when you're a genderqueer person
  • replies: 3

My GP has recently raised the possibility that I, an AFAB person, am autistic. He said that "Autism presents differently in males and females", which I didn't know! In order to better understand what this might mean, and figure out whether that query... View more

My GP has recently raised the possibility that I, an AFAB person, am autistic. He said that "Autism presents differently in males and females", which I didn't know! In order to better understand what this might mean, and figure out whether that query might be something I wanted to look into further, I went down the google rabbit-hole (as you do). Unfortunately, *all* the websites I've found talk about "autism in women", "women with autism", etc. I may be female, but I am not a woman. So these websites are triggering my dysphoria, on top of the anxiety around this potential new thing that I don't properly understand yet. Are there any places specifically set up for genderqueer/non-binary autistic people? Does anyone have any advice about how I could better research this topic?

june_03 feeling lonely in my sexuality
  • replies: 11

Hi, so I am a little scared since I have never posted here but I'm giving it a shot. Over the past year, I have realised that I like girls and most comfortably sit with the bi label, although not certain, but I never realised how lonely it can make y... View more

Hi, so I am a little scared since I have never posted here but I'm giving it a shot. Over the past year, I have realised that I like girls and most comfortably sit with the bi label, although not certain, but I never realised how lonely it can make you feel. I have no friends to talk to about this stuff. I feel awkward complimenting girls who I'm friends with in case they think it's weird or makes them uncomfortable. I can't talk about my crushes in the way that they talk about the guys they like. They are obsessed with guys I barely find attractive and so I feel as if I am missing out, it's isolating. My biggest struggle when it comes to dating girls is I feel like they would never find me attractive, I never used to feel this way with guy 'crushes'. I just feel very inadequate and I don't think any girl would ever want to date me because I am not appealing to girls if that makes sense. It is frustrating because there is this girl I like, but I am not out at school and she is likely straight anyway. My sexuality feels like a barrier that only makes things more complicated. Anyway, this was a just a bit of my experience, I hope there are some people who can relate or maybe someone who will feel less alone.

may_04 right time to come out
  • replies: 15

hi all, I hope everyone is well. I wanna talk about coming out. I am 99.9% sure that I am bisexual - the 0.1% is denial. I have never been in a relationship with anyone. I have had crushes on both guys and girls though, and when I think about relatio... View more

hi all, I hope everyone is well. I wanna talk about coming out. I am 99.9% sure that I am bisexual - the 0.1% is denial. I have never been in a relationship with anyone. I have had crushes on both guys and girls though, and when I think about relationships, sometimes I can see myself with a guy, and other times a girl. Since I've never been in a relationship, I feel as though if I come out to someone they won't believe me. That's why I feel like I should come out once I get a girlfriend (if I can actually get one). But I feel like I'm living a lie cause I haven't come out yet. And I don't want to come out then it turns out I'm not actually bi and everyone will be right - 'it was just a phase'. Hopefully, someone can understand where I'm coming from. I wish you all happiness and health. - may

Curious_George I'm not sure If I'm Asexual or Not
  • replies: 7

Sex isn't a desire I have, Everyone else I know wants too but for me personally I don't have any motivation towards that like others my age. Everything I have seen about Asexuality I can relate too completely and I feel like I am Asexual but some stu... View more

Sex isn't a desire I have, Everyone else I know wants too but for me personally I don't have any motivation towards that like others my age. Everything I have seen about Asexuality I can relate too completely and I feel like I am Asexual but some stuff is bugging me. 1) I feel some sexual attraction, but no desire past that. If a 50/50 split between sexual and emotional was most people I feel closer too 5-10 percent sexual. I've seen Asexuality described as little too no desire, and I definetly feel a little. Is this definition true 2) I am only attracted to woman romantically, I've seen this described as Heteroromantic but I'm not sure if this is an actual thing. I don't feel attraction to other genders in any capactiy. It might sound wierd to say but I'd feel a lot better about myself if I am Asexual. Having a way too define myself that I can say too people would make me feel more comfortable talking about how I am. For a while I've felt out of place

OpalBay My male partner wants to be a female.
  • replies: 6

Hi all, I'm glad I found this forum. I was unsure if I should post anything, but I need help, sorry for the pronouns I'm still new to all this. My boyfriend of 5 years came out to me a few days ago saying he wants to be a female. Says he hates himsel... View more

Hi all, I'm glad I found this forum. I was unsure if I should post anything, but I need help, sorry for the pronouns I'm still new to all this. My boyfriend of 5 years came out to me a few days ago saying he wants to be a female. Says he hates himself and doesnt feel comfortable in this body. In the last 2 weeks, he's been trying dress ups, makeup and wigs, and went out in public once with a friend (who's bi) and said it was the best he's ever felt. Said he was just trying it out, but now wants to turn female. I was a mess when he told me. I feel like my whole world and dreams for our future were lost, that I lost him and would never see the man I love again. He wants to do HRT but the thought of never hearing his voice the same, his figure, his smell, being able to have kids (can you still produce kids on HRT?) I feel like things wont be the same anymore. I'm probably being selfish/ shallow but I still want him and love him. I'm trying to understand and say to myself its the same person I fell in love with like his personality, values and morals, but I also feel like he's different. I feel sick, I cant eat, I wake up in a panic and cry, I just dont know. I keep telling myself its the same person, but just a different gender. Being a different gender shouldnt even matter and I know that, its just that come from a very homophobic, strict family who drilled into me that it has to be a male/female to be right, I'm scared I will loose my family too. I want my partner to feel happy because I've noticed him looking depressed, but I thought it was because our lives are so stressful atm, and now this happens and I feel crushed. We almost broke up the other night. In retrospect, I realised I kept trying to push him to stay the same gender for us, I even tried compromising saying he could do both...but he doesnt want to feel suppressed anymore or held back. We are still together because the thought of loosing each other was more painful. He's been away for a few days, I've been left to my thoughts of loss, grief, anxiety... maybe some hope and excitment to try make this work but I just dont know. I've been talking to a close friend and it helps, also researching and reading others' experiences, but its just so hard. He still loves me with all his heart and still wants to do the things we always planned like travel, kids, marriage etc, says he will still try give me what I want but just as a female not a man. I always thought I'd be with a man... Please help me.

Owlie7 Obsession
  • replies: 8

Hi, I am not sure if this is the right forum for this but I just wanted some perspective on what I have been feeling about a situation that happened yrs ago. I met this girl and we've been friends outside of work. We seemed to click really well as we... View more

Hi, I am not sure if this is the right forum for this but I just wanted some perspective on what I have been feeling about a situation that happened yrs ago. I met this girl and we've been friends outside of work. We seemed to click really well as we both had trauma in our lives and could relate to each other on some level. I felt like I met a friend that gets me and that I can trust. Maybe I was a bit infatuated because of this, but I never felt this with someone of same sex before and I have a bf. I started studying for a different role than what we were both doing (still within the same industry). There was some dis-management at our work and we both resigned. She wasn't sure what she wanted to do after and wasn't drawn to the role that I was studying for. We still kept in touch and I remember telling her some struggles I had adjusting to online learning. One day, I picked up in our conversation that sounded like she knew a lot about my course specifics. When I casually asked her, she quickly brushed it off and said that I must have told her about it at some stage. As part of my course I held a volunteer position and I heard from my colleague that this friend is volunteering there too on a different day to me as she's doing the same course. I felt hurt not hearing this from her as I thought we were friends. Also knowing the struggles I had, I thought we could have supported each other through this journey. When I lost trust, I completely withdrew and stopped responding to her msgs and we stopped talking. This was a trauma response on my part and I still regret the way I handled it. 2yrs later she sends a msg saying she is sorry if she did anything to hurt me but she didn't know why I ghosted her and that she wished me well. I didn't explain why but said I wished her well and I regretted that our friendship broke. A few months ago she sends a msg saying she hopes I'm well, she's sad we fell out, and how a song reminded her of me. I said I felt the same and was open for a chat, implying I was ready to tell her why so we can both get closure. She didn't write back. Obviously I won't know why she lied as she doesn't know that's why I pulled away, but I often wonder. I feel almost obsessive as I think about her regularly and want to stop. She now works in the same role and I wonder if one day we will bump into each other. Is this lust? I don't know why I think about her still.