GAY INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS
It’s been a hard 2 months and I’m figuring out what’s the problem with me. I keep thinking to myself everyday which spirals and makes me anxious and feeling miserable. I’ve always liked girls and still do. When I was younger and going out partying I’d only be sexually attracted to girls not once would I think of a guy. I have a girlfriend of 2 years and it’s been the best 2 years of my life and we’ve talked about the future together and it’s something we both want. About 2 months ago I did drugs with friends and the after affect was severe anxiety and being anxious which is standard with doing drugs. 3 days later I was still having the same after affects so I went to my GP and had started antidepressants because I was severely depressed. 2 weeks went by and was still on the antidepressants, my girlfriend went away for a month. I had drunk a lot with the lads over footy and woke up that morning about a dream of being bi-sexual - A DREAM!! Since then, my mind is saying on repeat of every single day “Your gay, you’re gay”. I’m seeing a psychologist weekly at the moment and she’s labelling it as “OCD intrusive thoughts”. I’m also off the antidepressants as I feel like they were making me worse in terms of my anxiety - which has helped me a lot. The big thing I’m having a problem with is that I have this feeling in my groin area when I speak to a gay guy or sometimes speak to any guy or the feeling just happens out of nowhere even when no one is around. It’s not arousal at all it’s just an annoying feeling and sometimes it feels like I need a pee. But when I get the feeling my brain then spirals and thinks “what if I am gay”. I still love it when I kiss my girlfriend and I’m always aroused when we get sexually active. Can anyone please give me an insight of what is going on or someone is having the same issue?
Welcome to our friendly online community. We are so grateful that you decided to reach out here, as we know it can be really tough to do this for the first time.
It might take the lovely community some time to spot your post, but we’re sure they will in time.
In the meantime, we'd recommend also having a look at some of the posts in the Anxiety topic. We know there are some powerful conversations about OCD you might like to look out for.
Thanks again for sharing your story here, bluebottle321.
Dreams can get pretty crazy. I sometimes have extremely weird dreams that give me intrusive thoughts, but I know that's it's not really true - they're just dreams.
You're definitely straight, you're just experiencing intrusive thoughts like your psychologist said and now you are paranoid that your dream must be true when it is not. Have you told your psychologist about the strange feeling you get in that area when you are around gay men now? I know it will be a bit awkward to talk about, but they might be able to get you help for it so you don't feel that way anymore.
I sometimes have the weirdest dreams (I won't even say what happens in those dreams that I have) and I'm also schizophrenic so when I experience psychotic episodes, I start thinking that the things happening in my dreams are true and that I am the same way that I am in my dreams. Intrusive thoughts is when you think something is happening when it's not really happening and it may keep going through your mind. You can also get intrusive thoughts without even having dreams - they just randomly come up into your mind and you think it's actually true which can be scary especially if it's something serious. Intrusive thoughts are common in people with OCD.
Although I don't have OCD, I'have experienced intrusive thoughts, feelings & memories over the years.
Your Psychologist ought to be able to explain what is happening to you, why & how, if you ask.
One thing I find helpful is how I think of my thoughts, feelings & memories. When an intrusive thought pops into my mind, I say, "Well, that's a thought." Just a thought. I might add, what the thought is about, but do my best to leave it there, like letting a balloon go drifting away. Same for the intrusive feelings or triggered feelings & memories I may still have sometimes. I'll say "Oh, that's a bit of anger." or "That's some fear I used to have." I might recall what the feelings relate to from my past. Now, I feel no need to go further.
A thought is a thought.
A feeling is a feeling.
A memory is a memory.
Dreams are dreams .
If they bother me more than that I have my Psychiatrist to talk to about what I'm experiencing.
I've had some thoughts & ideas that were very puzzling, very vivid, but none have led me to act on them, & then lead to regret or further confusion.
Please continue to talk to your Psychologist, talk about what worries you, what the fears might be about, ways you can manage how you feel & think about the things troubling you.
& of-course, you are welcome to continue to talk here on BB.