Sexuality and gender identity

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MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 212

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

Chris_B IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section
  • replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe spa... View more

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

All discussions

Mattstar Open relationships
  • replies: 14

Hi all, I'm reaching out because I realise I need some help and figure there may be others here who have similar experiences. I'm 44 and have recently come out of a long term gay relationship. We broke up late last year because he wants an open relat... View more

Hi all, I'm reaching out because I realise I need some help and figure there may be others here who have similar experiences. I'm 44 and have recently come out of a long term gay relationship. We broke up late last year because he wants an open relationship and I don't. We would have been together for 18 years in April just gone. He has moved to the US (work) and from all accounts is living life to the fullest. I am back here still in our life and feel completely abandoned, worthless and a shadow of myself. Most of my gay friends find the situation too difficult to deal with so haven't been very supportive. My family are angry with him and worried about me. The last few years weren't smooth but every time i tried to raise things he reassured me everything was fine. Looking back it wasn't and i should have trusted my gut. I'm wondering if there are any support groups or if there are any others who have been through something like this? I'm feeling really isolated and I can feel my mental health slipping. It was 18 years, he was my life and he's gone. No check in's, no texts, just gone. All because I won't do an open relationship. I'd really like to talk this through and maybe with strangers it will be easier. I'm on a waiting list to see a professional but that may take some time. Thanks. Matt

lp1225 Confused and Need Help
  • replies: 9

This is really hard to post as if’s only ever been in my head , so write it all out is a bit daunting . I spose I’m posting to get some advice and clarity if possible . Apologies if it’s jumbled , but here goes. I’m 27, currently in a 2.5 year relati... View more

This is really hard to post as if’s only ever been in my head , so write it all out is a bit daunting . I spose I’m posting to get some advice and clarity if possible . Apologies if it’s jumbled , but here goes. I’m 27, currently in a 2.5 year relationship with my girlfriend (no kids , live together) and I am battling with my sexuality every second of every day. I feel like nothing is real, I feel desensitised to everything, I feel like I’m holding something in always, I’ve seen psychs over the years for depression etc. I think deep down I know that I’m gay or least bi. But I hope I’m not. I don’t want to be But the idea of just being gay feels like it would solve this guilt, shame , lack of feeling, lack of happiness or drive etc went to an all boys school, and ever since I was 17/18 I’ve been obsessed with oral sex. It’s all I could think about at that age. I would always dream about what it would be like to receive oral sex from a girl, and like most guys that age it happened and has happened plenty of times since then. I’ve only ever watched oral porn. Sure, I have normal sex etc. But it doesn’t really phase me. I only care about oral sex. In the last 5 years I have started watching gay porn too and enjoying it - but again, only oral sex . Gay Intercourse doesn’t really interest me . I’ve become more and more attracted to men over the last few years but still only oral sex. But now, I’ve become obsessed with the idea of me giving the oral sex. To the point where earlier this year , I selfishly created a Grindr account , met up with a guy my age and gave head . I really enjoyed it (it was very scary and weird at first), but I loved it I still see some girls as attractive and for whatever reason still watch heaps of girl/guy oral porn and the very rare inter course video . I don’t know what to do. I love my girlfriend so much. The thought of not being with her , not having a normal life with her (kids , buy a house etc) destroys my insides and the thought of being gay and being with a boy feels so weird and embarrassing, but for some reason liberating . I don’t want to go through That. What if I break up with her and then realise I’m not gay or it was just a phase and then I’ve lost her? What if I just put up with this mental pain that comes and goes every couple of days so I can live a quiet normal life . When I watch porn, the idea of a girl climaxing doesn’t interest me nor turn me off. A guy climaxing can be attractive i can’t do this

Space_girl Questioning if I’m lesbian (*´꒳`*)
  • replies: 2

Hi ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡ I’m in the middle of questioning my sexuality and I just feel really alone right now. I feel like I have to like men and I’m really scared about being wrong about my sexuality. I’ve had this crush on my non-binary friend for ages and I ... View more

Hi ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡ I’m in the middle of questioning my sexuality and I just feel really alone right now. I feel like I have to like men and I’m really scared about being wrong about my sexuality. I’ve had this crush on my non-binary friend for ages and I just can’t (>_<)… I’ve tried so hard to get over them but I just like them so much! My parents wouldn’t mind but my dad doesn’t understand certain things in the lgbtq community and it’s really frustrating. Every time I mention to my mum that I might not like boys she shuts me down and tells me that I don’t know yet. Which is true but I don’t find men attractive. It’s just so hard! I know I’m really lucky to have parents and friends that would support me but I’m just really conflicted and confused. I feel like I shouldn’t like girls even though I am a huge supporter of the lgbtq community. anyway thank you for paying attention to my rant (о´∀`о) I hope you have a nice day/night

Hjker I think I'm a lesbian but am in a relationship with a male
  • replies: 2

So my partner and I have been together for almost 5 years. I identify as bi but have not been with a female since I was a bit younger, before my partner. Over the past year I have become very disinterested in sex and even the thought of other males d... View more

So my partner and I have been together for almost 5 years. I identify as bi but have not been with a female since I was a bit younger, before my partner. Over the past year I have become very disinterested in sex and even the thought of other males doesn't appeal to me but women do. I would love to experiment more but I am not going to cheat, i do not want to hurt him. I love him and we have an emotional connection and get on really well but I am just very unhappy recently. i started taking anti depressants which worked after trial and error but I am back to this feeling that something in my life isn't right, which is my sex life. I would love to give my partner what he needs but I can't. He doesn't know and I don't know how to tell him the feelings I'm having. I think I need to leave the relationship because I can tell deep down he's not happy too. I also feel I need time to explore this part of me and figure out who I really am. I am looking for advice on how to approach the conversation with my partner when I tell him and end the relationship, and also any other advice on my situation. thank you in advance

Lucette I think I’m bi
  • replies: 5

I think I’m bi. But I’m scared I’m wrong. I’ve never dated anyone so how would I even know. But I see girls and I want to kiss them. Bit like what if I am wrong. Then I would have to go to anybody who knows and tell them that I was wrong my old town ... View more

I think I’m bi. But I’m scared I’m wrong. I’ve never dated anyone so how would I even know. But I see girls and I want to kiss them. Bit like what if I am wrong. Then I would have to go to anybody who knows and tell them that I was wrong my old town was way more accepting and I had a heap of lqbtqia+ friends I could talk to. Bit I haven’t spoken to them in ages. My new town is homophobic racist and sexist. I don’t have any friends here and I’m tired of waking up every morning one Of my friends came out as bi and a lot of people give her a heap of hate and at this school you get beaten up so I just want to know how to be sure

nickaway nickaways confusion
  • replies: 1

Not sure where to start was with my wife for 45years been on my own for 2 years now and have found my feelings are to other men did experiment when younger I am having a lot of anxiety over this and feel that if I could a man with some same interest ... View more

Not sure where to start was with my wife for 45years been on my own for 2 years now and have found my feelings are to other men did experiment when younger I am having a lot of anxiety over this and feel that if I could a man with some same interest and hobbies I could be happy again. Have been very depressed after having to put wife in nursing home but can not look at or am interested in another women. My feelings are to be homosexual it is on my mind all day every day. Advise please should I follow through with my thoughts and feelings and venture back out into the world or just stay at home and try to deal with. Any help please have been closed up in house for 2 years and my mind is all over the place.

Namenotfound Name and Pronouns
  • replies: 2

I'm a closeted agender. To my family, I'm out as nonbinary with she/they pronouns, but I've never heard them use they. I get that she is part of my pronouns, but so is they. It's there to be used. Use it. Which is why I'm afraid to tell them that I w... View more

I'm a closeted agender. To my family, I'm out as nonbinary with she/they pronouns, but I've never heard them use they. I get that she is part of my pronouns, but so is they. It's there to be used. Use it. Which is why I'm afraid to tell them that I want to use she/they/he pronouns, let alone that I want to change my name as well. I tried telling one of my friends that I want to change my name, and they said that he loves my name but whatever I feel best in is better, which is okay but not exactly what I wanted to hear, you know? I'm running out of people to turn to and I'm feeling less like myself everyday. I want to start wearing a binder but my mum said that we would talk about that later and never got back to me. I don't know if she forgot or if she's avoiding it, and I don't know which possibility is worse. I don't really know what the point of this thread is. I just needed to get this out somewhere safe and supportive. If you've read this, honestly, thank you.

kindacool coming out problem?
  • replies: 1

hi uh I'm having trouble coming out to my mum.. my parents are divorced and I've come out to both my parents as trans ftm. my dad is so supportive I am so grateful for that. he's using my name, pronouns, he got me in to see a gender therapist and he'... View more

hi uh I'm having trouble coming out to my mum.. my parents are divorced and I've come out to both my parents as trans ftm. my dad is so supportive I am so grateful for that. he's using my name, pronouns, he got me in to see a gender therapist and he's even gotten me to move schools for a fresh start however my mum has been denying and ignoring it ever since I came out to her in December..my gender therapist has talked to her about using my name and pronouns but she doesn't really care..she keeps on messing up (which is obviously fine) but she makes me feel guilty for her messing up. I've given up on correcting her and now she just acts like i never even came out. Oh and one time she said that I wasn't transgender because I didn't show any signs as a kid and I was always feminine...which is not true?? I've never been very feminine, I've always been more on the masculine side..I'm also really into sport but I'm currently playing on a girls basketball team..I really want to play boys basketball and soccer which my dad encourages but since I'm at my mum's place most of the time and she pays for it, I don't know how to approach this... I'm also making schools with my new name and pronouns which I haven't told her yet. i feel like im lying to her or something. I really want to move to my dad's but mum loves to play victim so I don't know how that would go either..

Alittlebitlost Where to meet young gay guys?
  • replies: 7

TL;DR. Where are straight-acting gay guys 18-29 in Melbourne? I am 22, gay and from Melbourne. I went to a moderately-conservative all boys school and I don’t know any gay people. I also don’t have any good friends anymore, just acquaintances. I mean... View more

TL;DR. Where are straight-acting gay guys 18-29 in Melbourne? I am 22, gay and from Melbourne. I went to a moderately-conservative all boys school and I don’t know any gay people. I also don’t have any good friends anymore, just acquaintances. I mean, there’s people who like me and ask me to hang out, but I don’t feel like I belong. I’m trying to find new friends but that’s besides the point. The main point is: I want to meet some gay people my age to be mates and maybe more. Tinder = failed. Honestly, I don’t find most guys attractive because I have a pretty defined type. And on top of that, I’m pretty masculine and looking for the same. I could be friends with fem guys, but unlikely for a relationship. And the very rare time I match with a guy who is my type, the conversation fizzles out because I suck at small talk. Grindr = oh my. I got hundreds of messages but half were creepy 50/60 year olds. The other half just wanted to have casual sex with anything right that second. I went to a gay bar a few times with some girls friends, but it was just lots of old ugly men who wanted me as a sex toy. I have no friends, no romantic prospects and I feel kind of lonely. Im not one to dwell or resign to a situation. I am determined to do something about it. This isn’t working, and something I’m doing is the reason it’s not working. But I don’t know where to start or to look next... Where do you meet young, straight-acting gay guys around my age? Do they even exist? Thanks. I know everyone’s dealing with their own stuff so cheers for taking the time to help me.

Ben9z2004 Loss of community and gay apps destroying us
  • replies: 9

Hi, Lately ive been depressed and even thought of taking my own life. Statistics show that the gay community is more depressed, unhappy and suicidal than ever. As part of my journey to happiness again I'm on a mission to help change it, Ditch the app... View more

Hi, Lately ive been depressed and even thought of taking my own life. Statistics show that the gay community is more depressed, unhappy and suicidal than ever. As part of my journey to happiness again I'm on a mission to help change it, Ditch the apps, meet face to face, connect and become a community again. It used to be straights against gays and now it's gays against gays, this includes the whole LGBTQI community. I've been brave and told my story and will work hard to get this moving but need your help.