Sexuality and gender identity

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MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 212

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

Chris_B IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section
  • replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe spa... View more

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

All discussions

bdd84 Feeling regretful and depressed that I missed my teenage years due to being in the closet.
  • replies: 9

Hi all. I am currently 37 years old and struggling a lot at the moment with feelings of regret and depression that I wasted my teenage years and have missed out on a lot of experiences. I have always had social anxiety and this only got worse once I ... View more

Hi all. I am currently 37 years old and struggling a lot at the moment with feelings of regret and depression that I wasted my teenage years and have missed out on a lot of experiences. I have always had social anxiety and this only got worse once I realized I am gay. Due to this I have been very introverted and felt unworthy of friendships and romantic relationships. As I previously stated I am 37 years old and I have still not had a relationship of any kind and I am still a virgin. I honestly feel hopeless because I have allowed fear to rob me of fulfilling relationships. I would like to meet people and possibly have a relationship but I feel like no one will want to be with me when I tell them I have no relationship or sexual experience. Was hoping to get some advice.

IAMTHEONE Questioning my sexuality
  • replies: 19

Apparently I made an account on here back way back in 2014, haven't gone by this name in ages. I'm not really sure who to talk to about this so I thought I'd try here, I won't go into too much detail about certain things here since it may not be enti... View more

Apparently I made an account on here back way back in 2014, haven't gone by this name in ages. I'm not really sure who to talk to about this so I thought I'd try here, I won't go into too much detail about certain things here since it may not be entirely *ahem* appropriate so I'll do my best to keep it clean. Anyway, I'll just give a quick backstory. I came out as Transgender quite a few years back and have gone through HRT and all that, after a while I sort of came to the conclusion that I'm not actually Transgender but rather probably just a really effeminate guy, and I'm actually rather content with that. As far as relationships go, I've never been in one mostly because I never really put in the time to find someone apart from a few crushes I had way back when I was a teen. in recent years I kind of just never bothered with it and thought that a relationship wasn't important to me or that I may possibly be Asexual. So, for the past month I've had a few strange things happen to me that has made me question question whether my sexuality is what I always thought it was. I always assumed I was straight since I did find women attractive, but I never had any real deep sexual attraction towards women, I just though it was just how I was. It all started when I began having intense dreams and fantasies about men, I thought if I were going to have anything like that it would be with a woman. Along with a few other things I found myself being leaning towards men than women, which is confusing me to no end. I'm not sure if its anything, I've been like this for a while but its only been the last month I've started to think about it seriously. It might be a phase, or maybe I'm just thinking to much. Well, thanks for getting to the end of this wall of text, if anyone has any thoughts or something it would be greatly appreciated since I'm not havening much luck figuring it out myself.

i_like_cows Am I Trans?
  • replies: 2

For the past few years I've been really questioning my gender identity. I am AFAB and for the past six months I have identified as gender fluid, but in the past months I'm beginning to realise I never really feel feminine and much prefer masculine te... View more

For the past few years I've been really questioning my gender identity. I am AFAB and for the past six months I have identified as gender fluid, but in the past months I'm beginning to realise I never really feel feminine and much prefer masculine terms, pronouns and presentation. I'm not sure if I ever did feel feminine or if I was just too young and uneducated to understand what the difference between femininity and masculinity is. I also worry that since I have previously identified as gender fluid, that this is just an extended period of time where I feel masculine and I'm not ftm. I have considered the fact that I might be non-binary and went by they/them pronouns for a bit, but it never felt as nice as imagining myself as a boy. I really like the idea of being a teenage boy now, but I don't like to picture myself as an adult man, however that would look. But I don't like to imagine myself as an adult woman either. I worry that I am overthinking things and that because I am in my later teens (17) this is just a 'faze'. I worry that if I commit and affirm my gender I might de-transition later down the track. I know there is nothing wrong with this but I worry that I'll be ridiculed by family/friends if this does happen. I also worry that I'll never be perceived as a 'real boy' and all my efforts would go to waste and it would be easier to live as a girl. I have a rough relationship with my physical appearance, I carry a bit of fat on my stomach and legs, and I don't know if the discomfort I feel in my body is due to that, gender dysphoria, or a mix of both. I plan to shed that weight and invest in a binder and see how I feel from there, but that will take months and I feel very uncomfortable in my own body, when people refer to me with feminine pronouns and my given name and being perceived as a girl. I genuinely don't know what to do. Any advice?

Jane1980 My 11yo son thinks gay.
  • replies: 15

Hi everyone, I’m hoping for a little advice please. My 11 year old son told me today that he thinks he might be gay and he’s been feeling like it for the last 4 months or so. I guess my question is would he know at 11 years old? Is he curious and con... View more

Hi everyone, I’m hoping for a little advice please. My 11 year old son told me today that he thinks he might be gay and he’s been feeling like it for the last 4 months or so. I guess my question is would he know at 11 years old? Is he curious and confused? We’ve had a really good talk with him this afternoon, and he knows he has our support no matter what, I just don’t really know what to do from here to support him. Thank you.

Willowtree_21 My boyfriend thinks he might be Bisexual
  • replies: 5

Hey! So my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years told me that he thinks he might be Bisexual. It's a big 'thinks' and he's still figuring it out. I'm the only person he had told so far. As far as I can tell, he isn't wanting to jump into a relationship with someo... View more

Hey! So my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years told me that he thinks he might be Bisexual. It's a big 'thinks' and he's still figuring it out. I'm the only person he had told so far. As far as I can tell, he isn't wanting to jump into a relationship with someone else. We're having a bit of a tough time with other things but want to stay together for a while longer at least. I'm really happy, honestly, that he told me. I'm just wondering how I can support him moving forwards, especially if he determines this is definitely his sexual identity. He thinks he might be Bisexual as he's had thought about guys romantically as well as girls recently. Just note - I'm not weirded out by him talking about crushes or people he finds attractive. We're pretty chill that way and committed to each other. I want the best for him.

Siennad23 I’m in love with my best friend (same gender)
  • replies: 2

2 years ago, in my last year of high school I developed a crush on one of my friends. At first I just thought I just enjoyed spending time with her until I realised it was real feelings (my bisexual awakening). I put in so much effort to always hang ... View more

2 years ago, in my last year of high school I developed a crush on one of my friends. At first I just thought I just enjoyed spending time with her until I realised it was real feelings (my bisexual awakening). I put in so much effort to always hang out with her that once high school ended we were because even closer and best friends (she didn’t know I had feelings for her). Fast forward a year later, we are still really close friends but our friendship became super toxic because I would always get super jealous and always started arguments because I felt she never put in effort into the friendship, when in reality I just set unrealistic expectations because I was so in love and wanted her to appreciate me the way I appreciated her. Anyway a year and a half after I started to like her, I told her that I had feelings for her in high school (we were still best friends at this stage and would text everyday and see each other so often), she said she always knew I had feelings for her but she obvs didn’t feel the same way back which I knew (there was another girl present when we had this convo. Remember her she comes in again later). Deep down she knew I was in love with her all this time. A couple months after this conversation a whole group of my friends went away on a holiday and the girl I like AND THE OTHER GIRL THAT KNEW I LIKED HER THAT WAS THERE WHEN WE HAD THAT CONVERSATION, HAD SEX. The other girl who knew I liked her said to her friend “I knew she liked her but I didn’t give a f*ck”. I was heart broken because they both knew I had feelings for this one girl. Fast forward 6 months later I’m still so heart broken and it’s so hard to get past this because we are all in the sane friendship group. They had sex because they were super drunk and they said it was a one time thing but I just can’t get past it. I don’t know what else to do. Now me and the girl who I had feelings for not only did that happen but I lost her as a best friend and with the other girl I can’t even look at her but have to fake be her friend for the sake of the group AND I JUST DONT KNOW HOW I CAN GET PAST THIS BECAUSE WE ARE IN THE SAME FRIEND GROUP and I will just always be in love with her. I need advice on how to get past this because it’s been six months and I’m still so heartbroken and can’t get over how they did this to me.

smartkitty1 I don't understand gender or pronouns. Help
  • replies: 6

All my life I was raised not knowing the difference in gender. I believed from the start that boys and girls were exactly the same. Mum tried to raise me feminine but I always just sticked to being myself, not seeing anything as feminine or masculine... View more

All my life I was raised not knowing the difference in gender. I believed from the start that boys and girls were exactly the same. Mum tried to raise me feminine but I always just sticked to being myself, not seeing anything as feminine or masculine. I knew what tomboys were and girly girls but I also thought that anyone could be girly or masculine without any issue. I was also a shy quiet person but also a huge trouble maker that climbed out of my kindergarten many times lol. Anyway I'm now 18yrs and I realize that gender has difference, however It feels like people decide what gender is based on stereotypes and gender roles, for instance my transmale friend said that if I hate makeup and dress like a guy then I can't be a girl.... and other people have said this to me so now I just wonder "what makes a girl a girl?" If wearing makeup is what makes a girl a girl and I don't wear makeup than who am I? If I don't do anything stereotypically girl like then am I a girl?. I know being a girl is to identify as a girl but what makes someone female? and what makes someone male? I can't help but feel like it is based on what people saw on the media. A girl cares about looks, seems neat and organized, quiet, soft, feminine. But why is it like that, I thought society wanted me to be myself why do I have to make myself like that just to be a girl? See before this I used to just see gender as labels, like a personality trait, it didn't affect much but suddenly its a huge deal. People say that what makes gender different is the clothes and personality, but I always believed that boys could wear dresses and skirts, I always believed that boys could be feminine same with girls for the opposite, so even with that, I saw no difference. And the same I feel with pronouns, I never saw gender in pronouns. My friend said to me "I feel like she/her pronouns makes me think of girly women and thats not me" and I just didn't understand what they were saying, society made you think thats what she/her pronouns means? but I thought she/her he/him they/them were just labels, and I always have thought that. I just don't get it. I see gender equality as I guess the literal meaning and I guess I'm wrong for it. I just don't understand why I can't be myself and still be a girl, why I can't prove that girls can be good at minecraft, hate hair, hate makeup ect... but still identify as one? If gender is based on society roles then why do we see it as such an importance? Sorry...

Jo8049 Gender confusion
  • replies: 12

How do you approach the questioning of your decisions ? How can we be sure of what we see as true self ? Has anyone who has gender euphoria found that it diminishes or is that wonderful change permanent in some form ? I think there will be some subtl... View more

How do you approach the questioning of your decisions ? How can we be sure of what we see as true self ? Has anyone who has gender euphoria found that it diminishes or is that wonderful change permanent in some form ? I think there will be some subtle changes as life goes on always for the better I hope . Look forward to hearing on this subject and any others that you wish to write about . Stay safe ,take care , love to all. Jo W

Ghost_Girl Struggling with my sexuality and crushing on a married woman
  • replies: 14

Hey there BB forum users, I'm having a hard time and I know I really need to talk to someone. I would usually talk to my counsellor or my friends (most of whom are LGBT) about my struggles but these feelings are so unusual for me and so difficult to ... View more

Hey there BB forum users, I'm having a hard time and I know I really need to talk to someone. I would usually talk to my counsellor or my friends (most of whom are LGBT) about my struggles but these feelings are so unusual for me and so difficult to explain that I felt like this forum might be the best place to start opening up about this. So to begin, I'm almost 21 years old, I work as a trainee aged carer and I've known I'm somewhere in the "bi sphere" since I was about 12 years old. The "struggling with sexuality" part of the title is because I've gone through some periods of confusion because I'm not "half straight/half gay" nowhere close. I'd say my ratio is about 80-85% in favour of men with 15-20% of my attractions being women and to add to that, these attractions are pretty much never sexual attractions, rather they're sensual/romantic ones. Last year, I finally decided to just go with what felt right and call myself "bisensual" because I can be sensually attracted to anyone despite preferring men so why not? Now comes the kicker: About a month ago, I realized the intense desire I have to be close to one of my coworkers (we'll call her "Mari"), isn't just because I admire her... I have a colossal crush on her even though she's about 20 years older than me and married with kids. Initially I was disappointed that I had built such a good age gap friendship with Mari (as well as many other older workmates) and then I had to go and ruin it by catching feelings but then I justified the feelings, "This feels good and if I keep it to myself and don't act on it, I'm not hurting anyone right?" but as I got increasingly worried that I'm not feeling guilty enough for being attracted to someone who has a husband and kids, I decided to start trying to get over her by force: "You should be ashamed of yourself, you freak." But I can't stop thinking about her, I've never felt this way for a woman before and only for very few men. She called me pretty with my new haircut the other day and I got butterflies and I sometimes even imagine myself kissing her. So fast forward to now, my social anxiety is the worst it's been in a long time and I think it's to do with Mari and my fear of the people I work with finding out about my sexuality and my inappropriate attraction to her. I've considered online dating since I've been feeling ready to put myself out there and I definitely need the distraction but I'm worried, I'll still want what I can't have. Sorry for the novel.

JohnCroissant Strange situation with parents about my sexuality
  • replies: 5

Sexuality has always been a sorta sensitive topic for my father. But recently things were doing just fine, but then on Monday night my dad learnt that I’m still in a homosexual relationship and hadn’t broken it like he assumed I did. My parents uses ... View more

Sexuality has always been a sorta sensitive topic for my father. But recently things were doing just fine, but then on Monday night my dad learnt that I’m still in a homosexual relationship and hadn’t broken it like he assumed I did. My parents uses really strange arguments against my sexuality, and even avoid naming it a sexuality. Instead labelling it as “mentality”, “thought”, “nonsense”, “label”, etc. basically saying that it’s purely psychological. I’m not entirely sure, but my parents say that homosexuality is only justifiable if it was due to a physiological abnormality, like hormonal imbalances? Sounds like pseudoscience, but they insist that I can’t be gay because I am ‘biologically normal’. Me and my family are of a Persian background so my father also does concern of being humiliated as the father of a gay son, which is shunned upon in a family like this. My father has gone completely silent with me and it frightens me. Some of the last words he stated were “you need to stop this nonsense, it’s sad to see what is happening to you. I won’t let you ruin your life, I won’t allow it”. Now I’m just sort of waiting to see what’s gonna happen, and it’s nervewracking, I love my boyfriend and I’m worried about losing him as well. My stepmother today clarified to me that what herself and my dad want is: How strongly I believe I am homosexual Where the “idea” came from that I am Evidence that I am homosexual I really don’t know what to do, my dad is silent and this is pretty much a scenario where I’m being judged by two people and I’m my own attorney, it’s just scary I guess?