Sexuality and gender identity

Peer support and conversations about anxiety, depression and other issues in the mental health space affecting LGBTQI+ people.

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MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 219

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

Chris_B IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section
  • replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe spa... View more

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

All discussions

Amanda2000 parents - how to respond to your child coming out
  • replies: 1

My teenager has opened up to me and come out as an LGBT person. Not a total surprise to me as I had been noticing a few things here and there. Just sharing my experience here. To the parents:Even if you think you already know beforehand, be patient a... View more

My teenager has opened up to me and come out as an LGBT person. Not a total surprise to me as I had been noticing a few things here and there. Just sharing my experience here. To the parents:Even if you think you already know beforehand, be patient and wait for your child to "come out" when they're ready.Chances are they had already come out to their friends and siblings. You may be the last one to know. But don't be offended. Your poor child has been struggling to make sense of all of this on their own and no doubt they fear disapproval/rejection from us. Our immediate response as parents is critical and sets the tone for the future. Shower them with unconditional love and support, make them feel safe that they don't need to deal with this alone and you'll always be there for them. Give them plenty of assurance that they are still the same person to us regardless.Save your personal opinion for another time later down the track when things are more settled. Your child may misinterpret your personal view as being judgmental.Remember those perfect-mum characters in TV shows that we all wished we had when we were dealing with our own teen issues (Brady Bunch, The Wonder Years, 90210)? They're always so calm & sweet & nurturing. That's exactly what your child needs from you right now. For any dads reading this, I think your child will find comfort in feeling the sensitive vibe from you. To the ones still in the closet (both young and old):Your parents/family/friends may be more understanding than you think.If their immediate reaction is not what you had hoped for, it could just be that they are worried. There will be challenges ahead. Be patient and give them time to process this. Try to educate them bit by bit so that they can better understand over time.

mamabear01 My Son
  • replies: 2

Hi all, My teenage son recently told me that he is Bi. I have absolutely no trouble with this and love him exactly the same. A bit of back story….my mum (his nan) passed at the beginning of the year which really affected him. My husband also has Park... View more

Hi all, My teenage son recently told me that he is Bi. I have absolutely no trouble with this and love him exactly the same. A bit of back story….my mum (his nan) passed at the beginning of the year which really affected him. My husband also has Parkinson’s/Dementia and my son sees his dad declining. He also recently broke up with his girlfriend (online only) This led to depression and him being overwhelmed, luckily with the support of a fantastic gp he was put on anti depressents and seemed to be doing really well. Then he said he liked a girl at school but that was only like a crush that lasted a hot minute. Fast forward to him telling me he is bi. We went out for coffee and I asked him what made him feel this way eg, have you met someone? He said he has met someone (gaming online once again ) Red flags came up when he said he was 16 and had been in the military for 4 years!!! Then he told me the person met was a born a she and wants to be a boy. I have no issue in the world with this. BUT I think he is getting sucked in by people (male or female) that tells him what he wants to hear. I asked him genuinely if he was bi because this person was born a girl. I am all new to this so meant no offence. My son has now become very defensive and won’t discuss it with me. I tried to tell him I have no problem with who he wants to date, I just have a problem with it being online - boy or girl I would be the same. This person lives apparently in America so they could be saying anything to him because he is vulnerable at the moment. Then he just gets angry and tell me I’m not being supportive. I’m just so confused and worried for him. We have always been so close. I think he is being fooled and told by this person who he is. Sorry for the long essay!!

bisimon curious guy for male on male massage
  • replies: 2

hi. i'm a gay curious guy looking to experiment with other guys. i thought i might start with a man on man massage. any thoughts??

hi. i'm a gay curious guy looking to experiment with other guys. i thought i might start with a man on man massage. any thoughts??

LeeLeeMagee Hey
  • replies: 3

Umm, so hiya. My name is Liam and I am a 15 year old transgender male and things have been really hard, I am suffering and cry everyday. I have some real bad friends and I have been struggling, so I just wanted to connect with someone who understands... View more

Umm, so hiya. My name is Liam and I am a 15 year old transgender male and things have been really hard, I am suffering and cry everyday. I have some real bad friends and I have been struggling, so I just wanted to connect with someone who understands my pain, someone who won't make me feel uncomfortable about my self-harm, i just want to feel heard

Moi Withdrawal from world.
  • replies: 22

I transitioned from M to F across 2004–2007, in the job from which I’ve recently retired. Before 2004 i was married, with kids. That ended [not my choice] once my secret unexpectedly burst out. My birth family have stood by me. My transition objectiv... View more

I transitioned from M to F across 2004–2007, in the job from which I’ve recently retired. Before 2004 i was married, with kids. That ended [not my choice] once my secret unexpectedly burst out. My birth family have stood by me. My transition objective was to become simply one more anonymous woman in the crowd, blend in, raise no eyebrows, move amongst ordinary society as an unremarkable female. Attention-seeking was/is anathema to me. My carefully researched action plan was implemented over that 4-year span; in essence RLE, HRT, Electrology, Trach shave, speech pathology, FFS, Breast Augmentation & finally SRS. The logistics were complex, the cost [financial & emotional] huge, & the final outcome [vs my objective] was a failure. Yes I finally was free of that awful genitalia, & had its long-desired replacement. Though a source of comfort & satisfaction for me, the public can only see what’s not under my skirt or blouse when assessing my gender. Despite all my careful research, selection of leading practitioners, & hard work, my hopes were dashed by the time i emerged out the other end of the tunnel. The Trach shave brought only minimal improvement to the ghastly bulge, & the extensive $$$ FFS produced a barely amended face that to this day i cannot look at in the mirror without a visceral reaction of loathing. I simply never see the woman who was needed. From 2007 to 2009 i forced myself just to ignore my extreme negative self-assessment & also the stares, double-takes, smirks etc. Though many people were respectful, generous & kind, nothing conquered my dire view, nor the many visual cues of random strangers which proved over & over that my objective was unattained. By the end of 2009 i officially gave up, & withdrew from the world. With only rare exceptions i just do not leave my house. I have no social life at all, & little self-belief. My clinical depression is severe, & a bad social phobia with it. My GP is aware of all this, & has tried to support me over the years since my transition began. I have tried various SSRIs, psychotherapy counselling, CBT, & various online courses. Clarity is important here -- my depression & social phobia are from the failure of my transition, NOT that i regret trying. Though some weeks & months are better than others, in general i still cry a lot, day & night, including often waking up in tears. I have no vision of a good future, only more ongoing lonely torment. I have suicidal thoughts often. This is my “life”.

OreoCat22 Questioning Sexuality?
  • replies: 1

I have had a bit of a rocky path with relationships. I started dating my ex when I was 14 and dated him for 4 years (I am a girl). We had a hard relationship lots of mental health problems, he emotionally abused/manipulated me and would coerce me/gui... View more

I have had a bit of a rocky path with relationships. I started dating my ex when I was 14 and dated him for 4 years (I am a girl). We had a hard relationship lots of mental health problems, he emotionally abused/manipulated me and would coerce me/guilt me into sex after I said no. When I was younger I always said I could never be with another girl as the thought of it made me feel weird and uncomfortable. When we broke up I got a new job not long after where I met my best friend. We became friends really quickly and got really close and began to get feelings for each other. This was really confusing for me because I didn’t know I could have a feelings for another girl. Eventually we began dating a year after me and my ex had broken up. She’s helped me come to terms with everything he did to me and understand how it impacted me a bit more. We have been together 3 months shy of 2 years and I’m now not sure if I am gay. Sometimes being physical with her and hugging and cuddling etc feels good and normal and other times it feels uncomfortable. I tried to talk to her about being unsure about my sexuality and who I am as a person and that I’m not happy with my life at the moment cause I never explored who I am and now im stuck doing the same thing day in day out. She convinced me to try for 3 more months but I’m not sure if I should now. Will I feel better in our relationship again or the fact that I’m feeling this way now I should end it and be by myself for a bit. I do love her and it hurts to think about living without her but at the same time I’m constantly thinking about experimenting with other people and trying to live life on my own

Jack_01234 Choosing harmony over happiness
  • replies: 4

Hi, I am a 30 year old gay man. I came out to my immediate family when I was 24 and they were all fine with it but it has something that we have never really spoken about since the same thing happened with a few close mates. I am still uncomfortable ... View more

Hi, I am a 30 year old gay man. I came out to my immediate family when I was 24 and they were all fine with it but it has something that we have never really spoken about since the same thing happened with a few close mates. I am still uncomfortable with my sexuality and i guess i was waiting for them to encourage me to become more comfortable with it which never happened. I feel like I'm at the point where i need to come out all over again to them which feels silly. I have chosen to hide my true self because it was easier i guess. I'm at a point in life where most of my mates are getting married, buying houses and having kids and i still feel uncomfortable going on dates with guys, I want to get to a point where i can be in a healthy relationship and share life with that person but don't know how to get there Not sure what I'm looking for in response to this post but it feels good to type it out and get it off my chest.

Bunjil My children's father is transgender
  • replies: 18

My ex husband of 6 mths has not told our children ( twin boys 20 and a daughter 15 ) that he is transgender and has started to transition to a women. I have struggled big time with it and have started to see a psychologist which has helped. He has ag... View more

My ex husband of 6 mths has not told our children ( twin boys 20 and a daughter 15 ) that he is transgender and has started to transition to a women. I have struggled big time with it and have started to see a psychologist which has helped. He has agreed to tell the kids with his psychologist and me. I have no idea how the kids will react they are good respectful kids but I feel they have no idea this is coming ....I didn't when he told me... I was totally blindsided. Is there any support grps for children with a transgender parent. ( Before anyone comments on me using the words husband and he ... I am not ready to change over just yet ) Thanks

Niceguy020295 Finding gay friends
  • replies: 13

Hi, this is my first attempt to say that I am gay. I think nobody knows i am gay. The culture I come from doesn't allow to be gay. So until now I wasn't daring to find gay friends or partner. But now I am feeling like I will die living false life & w... View more

Hi, this is my first attempt to say that I am gay. I think nobody knows i am gay. The culture I come from doesn't allow to be gay. So until now I wasn't daring to find gay friends or partner. But now I am feeling like I will die living false life & will regret forever if I don't act now. I am trying to find someone around me who is gay as well. But no success yet. How I can find reliable & trustworthy gay friends. I am scared to search online as I have heard not many good things. Can anyone suggest me a way to find friends? Or are there safe sites for this? Any suggestions are welcome. Thanks