Sexuality and gender identity

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MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 212

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

Chris_B IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section
  • replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe spa... View more

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

All discussions

CJ43 good idea to confess to bi bff who’s in a relationship?
  • replies: 2

hi all, believe me, i know the title sounds bad, but bear with me as there’s a bit of backstory here. roughly 2yrs ago my best friend came out as bi, & was the first to come out in our friend group. not only was i the last one to know, i was also the... View more

hi all, believe me, i know the title sounds bad, but bear with me as there’s a bit of backstory here. roughly 2yrs ago my best friend came out as bi, & was the first to come out in our friend group. not only was i the last one to know, i was also the only one who didn’t know the identity of this mysterious girl who “went to another school” that caused her gay awakening. cutting a long story short, mainly consisting of myself being insanely dense, enough to miss her obvious flirting with me (she described her crush, me, to me but i still didn’t take the hint) funnily enough i felt strangely jealous of this girl & even started questioning my own identity, which i told the friend in question about. i even came to a point where i was about to ask her out, as a friend has accidentally let slip it was me she liked. now to this day i still question what happened, but somehow i suddenly forgot about my sexuality crisis for two whole years?? it was only earlier this year i realised im a demi-aro/ace lesbian, & have been in love with her for 2 years. but by this time it was too late, as a couple months prior i’d moved across the country (somewhat permanently), and i knew i’d missed my chance. ive always held onto the hope that once i finish school (less than a year away) i would move back and we could be together, but 3 months ago she got a boyfriend. this threw me for a loop, as i’m not jealous (he’s been really good for her, insanely so) but sometimes i guess i can’t help but with it had been me. ive been talking with her more lately, and getting a lot of mixed messages. she’s been telling me more about her bf, but also made me a playlist with love songs very personalised to us and our history?? i think she’s always suspected i liked her but i was too deep in the closet to see past my denial. i’ve brought up polyamory before, as we talk a fair bit about how we both don’t feel like monogamy is the thing for us, and i would definitely be down to work out some sort of relationship with her and her bf, i guess it’s just hard because physically i’m so far away. sometimes i just think about telling her how i feel, just to get the anxiety off my chest and so i can stop constantly mulling over the what-ifs. i doubt it would greatly affect our friendship, even if she doesn’t return my feelings, but i fear im only being brave cuz i’m not there in person. maybe it’s just a nasty combination of first love and ‘distance fosters fondness’ am i out of my mind???

CookieFrog Afraid of what could happen
  • replies: 5

I’m only in my first year of high school but for a while I’ve known that I’m definitely lesbian. Came out to a really close friend yesterday but don’t feel like I can ever tell my family. My mothers side is really homophobic and often unknowingly hav... View more

I’m only in my first year of high school but for a while I’ve known that I’m definitely lesbian. Came out to a really close friend yesterday but don’t feel like I can ever tell my family. My mothers side is really homophobic and often unknowingly have talked down about lgbtq+. Belong to a very Christian family and feel like I can never actually be myself because of my fear about what could happen. I already see a school councillor for anxiety but if I told him then I’m worried he would tell my parents…

DarkHorse_66 I kissed my friend (whose the same gender as me) and now she doesn’t want to talk about it.
  • replies: 8

Hi Forums, I’m new here, so sorry if this post isn’t in the right spot or something like that. I’m seeking some advice/guidance if anyone is kind enough to offer up their thoughts. So, on Friday night after having gone out one of my friends and I wer... View more

Hi Forums, I’m new here, so sorry if this post isn’t in the right spot or something like that. I’m seeking some advice/guidance if anyone is kind enough to offer up their thoughts. So, on Friday night after having gone out one of my friends and I were lying on an oval. I’ve liked this girl for a little while, and I thought she liked me too as she always seemed really happy to see me, went out of her way to help me and had said things like ‘I love you’ before. But she is also one of those outgoing personalities who is really bright and friendly to everyone, so I wasn’t sure. Anyways, we were lying on the oval next to one another and after a while I asked her if I could kiss her and she said yes. We made out for a little while and then went home separately. I asked a few times throughout if she was ok with it and if she wanted to stop, but each time she wanted to keep going. The next morning I sent her a message and said we should probably have a chat - just to talk things through. But now she doesn’t want to talk about it, and I’m worried that it’s something she regrets. I don’t mind if we just stay as friends, but I don’t want things to be weird between us. She’s the first girl I’ve ever properly kissed and I’m just feeling quite confused about the whole situation. I thought she enjoyed it, or at the very least was ok with it and I’m not sure why she doesn’t want to talk about it now. I don’t want to put her in an uncomfortable situation, but I’m just feeling so lost. I would appreciate any advice. Thanks.

Miilo My husband now thinks he wants to be a female.
  • replies: 26

Hi everyone. I found this forum yesterday and I would like to get some advice for my situation. I've been married for 10 years and two young children, living happily before my husband started taking counselling due to his growing up background. I hav... View more

Hi everyone. I found this forum yesterday and I would like to get some advice for my situation. I've been married for 10 years and two young children, living happily before my husband started taking counselling due to his growing up background. I haven't expected anything with his counselling but one day he came to me he found out he has some gender identity issue. He then referred to hormone specialist and having a couple of appointments so far. One day, he came home with some tablets the doctor gave him which contain female hormone in them. The one is acne remedies and the other one is estrogen. When I talked to him what he would like to be in the future, but he keeps saying he is not sure, but as soon as I saw the tablet, I thought he want to be a female. I was shocked. He also found that he has Asperger syndrome around same time he found issue with gender identity, so after I was told I started depression and sleepless night from then. I had some phone counselling for myself because this is going to be a big challenge for both of us, and I need to make sure about my children too. My counselor told me I can't make any decision for him, so all I can do is relax and live a daily life for now which was make sense. I want to respect his decision but at the same time, I sometimes think if I should leave him. The reason I think that way is this situation is definitely not I was expected and it's kind of sad I can't have romantic relationship with loving husband anymore. It seems like it's all ended. (I'm mid thirty anyway.) I find sometimes difficult to communicate with him but he is gentle and nice person. It looks like my daily life filled with happiness is collapsed and now I'm in the darkness ALONE with a big secret I have to keep inside of me. These days, I noticed he started shaving his body and I found an epilator in his room. Yes, he is moving forward without letting me know. I have no courage to talk about this topic right now because I am afraid to find out more things which will make me a shock again. I don't want to tell this to my parents, friends or children just yet because I am not ready to talk. Because of this COVID situation, my children are staying home everyday even when I feel like to be alone thinking about these things but they never allow me to do so. I want to be a good mother smiling in the house but these days, it's just hard and feeling down. Anyways, I would like someone to connect in the same boat if it's possible. Thanks.

SadAV My husband is Gay
  • replies: 26

Hi, after 14 years my husband has told me he is gay. We have 2 beautiful children and I honestly did not see it coming. He he tells me he still loves me and doesn’t want to lose his best friend. I love him and always will I am gutted but want to supp... View more

Hi, after 14 years my husband has told me he is gay. We have 2 beautiful children and I honestly did not see it coming. He he tells me he still loves me and doesn’t want to lose his best friend. I love him and always will I am gutted but want to support him. We aren’t planning on separating yet but I’m sure it will come in due course. I want ant to stay strong for him and the kids but can’t stop crying. I’m lost

BooAndBear Lesbian. I want a baby. Relationship doubts
  • replies: 3

I have been in a relationship with the same women since my teen years and we are now both reaching closer to 30. We have spoken a lot about having kids together. But I'm not sure if I want a baby with a women anymore.. I think I am scared to be a les... View more

I have been in a relationship with the same women since my teen years and we are now both reaching closer to 30. We have spoken a lot about having kids together. But I'm not sure if I want a baby with a women anymore.. I think I am scared to be a lesbian parent. I sometimes think that if I was to date a man and have a baby, somehow it would be easier. I am confused and conflicted. We are going through somewhat of a rough patch and I don't know if im causing the problems because of my thoughts or if the problems are the cause of my thoughts. And it's not something I can openly talk to my partner about. I don't understand why I feel this way, I love my partner so so much and I always considered myself a proud lesbian,, but the thought of being lesbian parents terrifies me

Kremit_the_Forg Empty inside
  • replies: 12

Hey all. I've always known i was born in the wrong body since childhood. A repressive and emotionally abusive childhood prevented me exploring my gender. I met gay woman whose acceptance of her sexuality triggered my courage to explore my gender. I c... View more

Hey all. I've always known i was born in the wrong body since childhood. A repressive and emotionally abusive childhood prevented me exploring my gender. I met gay woman whose acceptance of her sexuality triggered my courage to explore my gender. I came out last year during lockdown as i had no where to go or people to reinforce my assumed gender. I had to confront my own thoughts and fully accept who i am. I found a psychologist who specialises in LGBTQIA+ and was formally diagnosed with accute gender dysphoria. I was referred to a specialist GP for women's and transgender health and was approved the same day for hormone treatment. I then changed everything admin related early this year (same time as hormones started). Legal name change everywhere i could think of. Legal gender change through Medicare and my passport. Anywhere there is a name field or gender fields i changed it. Gender bullying at my last job forced me to leave. I found a new job where i was accepted as my correct gender. It's going very well and is very confirming just about all of the time. I'm just about always correctly gendered now most places i go. But... Someone i was getting close to, who is non binary and lesbian suggested the only reason women like me back is because they are curious about the effect hormones have on MtF transition. That is I'm still a guy but with boobs now. I've almost given up overnight and have been crying for two days now. I'm emotionally numb and empty inside. I'm seriously questioning my identity and I think I'm a fake and pretending. I'm suicidal again and have never been so low. How can i bounce back?

UnidentifiedShrimp Having a slight crisis atm (I'm new here, sorry if I mess something up :P)
  • replies: 3

Is there a label for being sexually attracted to one gender, but being romantically attracted to another? I've recently realised that I'm sexually attracted to women, but not to men, and now I'm wondering if there's a label for that? I'm sorry if my ... View more

Is there a label for being sexually attracted to one gender, but being romantically attracted to another? I've recently realised that I'm sexually attracted to women, but not to men, and now I'm wondering if there's a label for that? I'm sorry if my wording is a bit off btw, I'm really sleepy xD

No_Idea I don't know who I am anymore
  • replies: 12

I'm a 28 yr old male. I'm scared and confused. Short version; I think i like being in women's clothing. Today I've been wearing nail polish for the first time because I wanted to and every time I see my nails, i feel slightly happy inside. Longer ver... View more

I'm a 28 yr old male. I'm scared and confused. Short version; I think i like being in women's clothing. Today I've been wearing nail polish for the first time because I wanted to and every time I see my nails, i feel slightly happy inside. Longer version; I thought I knew who I was growing up. But recently I've been questioning it. Looking back, I remember in my teens I wasn't sure where I was in the sexual orientation category, straight, gay or bi. I was always called gay from family and others and it would always get to me.I'm not and I can say that with complete certainty. But I did like wearing my sisters' clothing. I would wonder what it would be like to be a girl, even came up with a name I'd use. Always thought penises were gross as well. I get jealous of women because I want to be able to be pretty and beautiful like they are. I'm scared of what the future holds and what I emotional need. I have a daughter and don't want her to grow up feeling like she has to hide whoever she ends up being, because I was too scared to be who I am. I don't know what I'm doing. I know that if I do change somehow, my family will be understanding, but it's the 'I told you' and 'I already knew that'. Because they don't know. I'm not what they jokingly called me. I am attracted to the opposite gender. I just want to be able to be one of them too. I'm so confused. It's really hit hard in the last few days and I don't know why. I've been on the verge of tears numerous times now. I don't know if this is easy to follow, or just jumbled bits of information. But I just needed to put it out there

helpmeplease01 Asexual, Biromantic Lesbian or Bisexual with Repressed Trauma?
  • replies: 1

Hi, In school I always felt uncomfortable talking about sex even though I know it's normal I remember sex ed classes at12yo feeling uncomfortable talking about periods, puberty, sex which is normal. Growing up however, I'm laidback discussing periods... View more

Hi, In school I always felt uncomfortable talking about sex even though I know it's normal I remember sex ed classes at12yo feeling uncomfortable talking about periods, puberty, sex which is normal. Growing up however, I'm laidback discussing periods, women's sexual development and can laugh with friends. Except I've recently realized that it's men's sexual development and bodies that I find repulsive and disturbing. Not only with previous sexual experiences in past relationships have I found them gross, but anything that even resembles a penis (for example- cookies). I just find myself feeling deeply uncomfortable. I dont feel this with anything resembling women's bodies though I always felt romantic attraction to guys and have enjoyed going on dates and cuddling and kissing. I've felt sexual excitement with my previous boyfriend and felt like I really wanted to take things further. However, when seeing his genitalia I just feel this like "brick wall". I'd be thinking thoughts like, "I want to feel closer to you" and "I really want to make you feel good", however I just felt like I couldn't even touch his genitalia for too long, having mixed feelings of enticement and revulsion. My previous romantic partners have always been laidback and have never pressured or emotionally coerced me into anything I'm uncomfortable with. Recently I considered whether the past could have changed effected future relationships but im unsure? I remember some child-on-child sexual relations- once at 5yo and a couple times at 9yo. He was the same age as me. As a child and neither of us really understanding consent. I went along with it. I never did make sexual contact with him. I remember later feeling regret and ashamed for kissing on mouth and lower stomach area though. I tried not to think about it too much after that. It became a memory that I would only very very rarely think about briefly. I kind of just carried on with life later on and didn't think it could impact me until recently, still unsure though? Ive also felt crushes and sexual attraction towards girls that Ill explore in future. Ive been reading the am I a lesbian masterdoc online which I can relate to a fair bit. I'm just unsure of past child-on-child relations caused trauma? whether it impacts future relationships? or just lesbian/ ace? Thoughts?