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BeyondBlue Welcome! Read this to learn more about this section of the Forums
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental he... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Sexuality and Gender identity section of the Beyond Blue Forums. This is a safe space to discuss sexuality and gender identity and share with others who have a lived experience of how these factors impact their mental health and wellbeing. We welcome all conversations here and want to know how you feel and what has helped you to be your best self. A few important tips and rules for this section are below. What is important is that this is a welcoming, kind and supportive space for everyone. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ+) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ+ space. Thank you and welcome Beyond Blue

MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 223

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

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Haydennn Feelings of shame when attracted to other men
  • replies: 3

I’m a gay male that’s been out for over 20 years. I’ve been single most of my life, except for a few short-lived relationships. I’ve recently begun thinking I have internalised homophobia against myself, and am a little surprised by this. I love bein... View more

I’m a gay male that’s been out for over 20 years. I’ve been single most of my life, except for a few short-lived relationships. I’ve recently begun thinking I have internalised homophobia against myself, and am a little surprised by this. I love being gay and the gay community so I didn’t expect to be coming to this realisation. I’ve found that, over the years, I’ve started to call myself “creepy” whenever I find myself attracted to other men and wish I could find ways to interact with them. A lot of the time, I fixate on the fact that I don’t know the sexuality of strangers I see on the street that I find attractive, so I call myself creepy for not first knowing their sexual orientation for it to be “okay” to be attracted to them. Additionally, I don’t think I have much “game” in terms of charisma or confidence to indicate attraction and approach someone, so I don’t and then get caught up in feelings of shame and low self-esteem. Do others experience this? I’ve just started seeing a new therapist and hope to explore this down the track, but this whole “I’m a creep for being attracted to men” mindset is something that I think has held me back from pursuing relationships for a long time. How have others dealt with similar unhelpful thoughts/beliefs?

qld_dad44 Do I or Dont I Discuss my Desire to be with a Guy as I believe Im Closet Bi wanting to Come out
  • replies: 2

Hi, I am a 44 year old man. I can happily say my wife and I have been together for 21years and married for 16. She's the mother of our 2 adult kids amd 2 younger kids, she's my best friend, she's my rock and she is my everything to a point except I f... View more

Hi, I am a 44 year old man. I can happily say my wife and I have been together for 21years and married for 16. She's the mother of our 2 adult kids amd 2 younger kids, she's my best friend, she's my rock and she is my everything to a point except I feel as if there is something missing and a void that needs to be filled. I must admit before i go any further I do still find my wife very attractive and I love her deeply. We have sex often. There are times due to my injury and my medications I do tend to have "performance issues" or in some instance which do happen quite often I tend to turn off the attraction to females especially my wife and deviate to thoughts of being with another guy. For around the last 2 years or so, at times, I have desired and fantasized about being intimate with another man even when we are not having sex. I have only recently decided to express and discuss these urges in a safe but discrete way and hopefully which i have come across someone that is willing to explore the option of joining us in our marital bed. I've not had any encounters with another man and i wouldnt do anything like that Physically to jeopardise what my wife and I have I decided recently to search for a partnered or single bi man or couple to explore the possible options with and as mentioned i did come across one particular Guy that really ticks all my boxes as for her that is yet to be discussed, Although I'm still not 100% sure if I'm really into other men sexually, or if it is just curiosity and fantasy, and that once I've done it I will either will or won't want to do it again. I would just like to explore this avenue with her instead of opting for the frowned upon act of cheating on her. I feel quite guilty doing discussing this behind behind her back without discussing it with her first, but male intimacy is something that she obviously can't provide and I feel it's something I need to explore, for me. In addition it would too I believe would enhance the sexual experience for her Having not only 1 but 2 guys to play with. I don't how to talk about or raise this subject with her. I don't plan on starting a relationship outside of our relationship and i certainly dont intend on exploring "getting off" with another man behind her back. Im certainly ok if she does accept my desires but will only accept it if it is out of her view and only at her request if that be the case. I assure you she does have and has had gay/bi friends and accepts them for who they are. I think she would be quite shocked to hear my possible sexual orientation. I don't want to lose everything we've built together over the past 21 years Is it wrong for me to not tell her because im fearful of her response and go on as if nothing has changed or do I just Bite the Bullet and Possibly wreck everything.

Anna5231 Making friends as an adult
  • replies: 2

I'm 25 and honestly really struggling with making friends as an adult. I find that a lot of the people I talk to either already have their friendship group or just spend all their time with their partner. I love my partner and have some girlfriends, ... View more

I'm 25 and honestly really struggling with making friends as an adult. I find that a lot of the people I talk to either already have their friendship group or just spend all their time with their partner. I love my partner and have some girlfriends, but just feel like we need more people to socialise with. How do you find friends as an adult? I study and work and just find it impossible to meet people. Does anyone feel the same? Or is it just me

Guest_9866 Where to find self-help resources
  • replies: 2

Seeking self-help resources in general. I find plenty of reports, generic information, or story-telling. But no success in finding proper self-help resources (e.g how to analyse and stragedies for self-help). Some under 25 target audience sites touch... View more

Seeking self-help resources in general. I find plenty of reports, generic information, or story-telling. But no success in finding proper self-help resources (e.g how to analyse and stragedies for self-help). Some under 25 target audience sites touch on questioning, being comfortable and coping but only at introduction level. I am looking for "solid resources" for self-help (not the fuzzy-feel but solid strategies to overcome issues like internal phobia, sexuality isolation, sex anxiety for older person etc). Global resources or further library psychology reading accepted.

Mc_fluffy Rural gay man with brain disease not feeling heard
  • replies: 5

This is not needing a response, rather is vent into the digital universe. I'm new here. As a gay man in a rural area I feel left out not only for my sexuality, but also due complex chronic health issues. Brain disease, frequent seizures, lupus, bone ... View more

This is not needing a response, rather is vent into the digital universe. I'm new here. As a gay man in a rural area I feel left out not only for my sexuality, but also due complex chronic health issues. Brain disease, frequent seizures, lupus, bone issues that result in frequent broken bones. I feel invisible. My health means I cannot drive so need to travel by bus 8 hours for medical appointments. Recently I attended a GP in our town and was yelled at in the waiting room for being an AIDS carrier in front of people waiting. As someone who has a physical reactive, responsive brain, I feel neglected, ignored, and patronised in many ways. Sometimes the physical changes in my brain result in socially unacceptable physical responses. A seizure in public will most likely result in urinating and pooing myself. A recent seizure in an airport was treated as if a threat and Fed Police activated. While being treated in soiled clothes by emergency responders and carted off to ER. Beyond that there are additional issues of significant injuries and scaring the heck out of nearby strangers. Gawkers and busy bodies, I have found videos of myself seizing and being treated on the internet. Often seizures or uncontrolled physical changes in brain responses can result in visits to the ER and run the risk of being placed in an induced coma or at the extreme death. A different seizure not long recently resulted in fractured vertebra. Recovery can take hours, days, weeks to become lucid. I am finding it increasingly difficult to be cordial or appropriate when people offer dismissive, patronising sympathies or support… “focus on the good things… it will be alright… etc”. It is not good, and it will never ever be alright! Those of us with severe structural brain differences or decline need to look at these issues straight on, directly into the face. Trying to offer glib responses makes it worse. Damage to the brain can result in learning and adaptive difficulties, being compared with causes harm and is deflating. I feel my concerns of mental “emotional” welfare is being swamped by other forms of expression or needs. I need a psychiatrist, however they are like hens teeth. Again this is not needing a response, just venting and shaking my fists into the sky…

maddietige 16 teen girl and confused anxiety or is it denial.
  • replies: 7

Hi i’m a 16 year old girl and I have always thought as myself to be straight, having crushes, butterflies and fantasies towards boys has always been a thing. Although, I attend an all girls school and contact with boys is limited. I have never had a ... View more

Hi i’m a 16 year old girl and I have always thought as myself to be straight, having crushes, butterflies and fantasies towards boys has always been a thing. Although, I attend an all girls school and contact with boys is limited. I have never had a boyfriend or kissed a guy just crushes and talking stages. All the other girls in my friend group see any hot guy and automatically fetish over him whereas I do this sometimes. I've got two older brothers and a male dominated family so idk I always felt like that was why. A few months ago I was told that at the start of year 7 a few people thought I was a lesbian. To be honest, my mum was sick at the time and my brothers and dad were just trying to raise me and get me through. So hair and make up just wasn't a thing. I was also kind of a tomboy. I kinda just went "oh i'm not" and moved on. Ever since then it's really gotten to me. I've never crushed, dreamt about or had any urges to kiss a girl etc. My friend group have never brought it up to me, and in the moment when they heard people thought that they were shocked. My problem is, a girl that is apart of the LGBTQ community thought it.The problem is because people thought I was lesbian i just can't get it out of my head. (I suffer from a disorder where intrusive thoughts and anxiety are common side effects) I mainly started to question when I heard some of my friends talking about wether this person was gay or not. Mainly because one of the girls that thought I was Lesbian in year 7 is gay. I started thinking "omg what if i'm gay and don't know it because she thought I was and what if I've just never met the right girl". Because of this I've been constantly going onto places like quora, tiktok and forums. Reading up on hocd, denial and all different sexualities. I have alot of the same things factors of hocd, which im happy to talk about. It's been months of this googling and crying. Its honestly scared me, ive seen tiktoks saying "if you thought about it more than three times, your gay" and things about "everyone knowing I was gay before I did". Its honestly freaking me out. I've now started to blush when I see girls on my tiktok and I have a few times when my friends have touched me. I am even analysing moments in the past now too. PLS HELP!

murraybakersydney Gay Male and lacking a sense of belonging
  • replies: 2

Hi, just reaching out to see if anyone feels similar to the way I do about being gay and feeling a sense of belonging. Essentially, I don't (feel a sense of belonging). I'm a gay male, 40, white, with a partner of 18 years, in a suburb close to the c... View more

Hi, just reaching out to see if anyone feels similar to the way I do about being gay and feeling a sense of belonging. Essentially, I don't (feel a sense of belonging). I'm a gay male, 40, white, with a partner of 18 years, in a suburb close to the city that has a lot of other gay people (but not exclusively). I feel like a little gay sheep living a world of straight wolves, and yet I feel excluded by the other sheep because my wool isn't blue and sequined. I don't feel connected to "the scene" anymore. It's expensive, nothing ever changes (no, changing from midnight shift to universal is not what I call "change"), I feel like I don't fit in because I don't look EXACTLY like a typical twink, nor a bear, nor a muscle-guy. I'm just me and that feels not good enough, no place for me. I don't feel a place in the wider LGBTIQ etc community either. More and more I'm feeling excluded for being a gay man as opposed to a more diverse sexuality or gender, and it feels like one is only welcome in the community if they are anything other than a gay white man PLUS you must also be gender diverse PLUS you must also be non-white PLUS ideally you must also have a disability of some kind. I'm not asking for the "spotlight on me please", I'm just asking to feel like there is place for me in the rainbow community, which is the closest thing I've felt to a sene of belonging, ever. Anyone else feeling like this?

R.Penn Breakup and feeling isolated
  • replies: 8

Hi all, I am feeling a bit isolated and wanted to see if anyone could relate or have some ideas I hadn’t thought of yet in regards to my situation: I am 34 and unemployed waiting for NDIS to approve my application, I am ASD and ADHD. I also have PTSD... View more

Hi all, I am feeling a bit isolated and wanted to see if anyone could relate or have some ideas I hadn’t thought of yet in regards to my situation: I am 34 and unemployed waiting for NDIS to approve my application, I am ASD and ADHD. I also have PTSD. I also applied for creative writing at uni to keep busy and hear from them this week hopefully.So…I broke up with my bf of 2 years on the weekend, it wasn’t like a “new year new me thing” it’s just been on and off between us and he deserves less confusion and not to be put on hold. I am the problem as I have dated and had relationships with only women until I met him, we are both non binary and we share really good friendship. I do still feel like I am 95% gay for women and he makes the other 5% as I have never really found men attractive but shared more emotional connections as friends. He feels a lot stronger feelings for me but I have always felt pressured into a relationship with him from the start and I decided after living together and his family pushing my boundaries this Christmas, I am uncomfortable and think we are better as friends and support for one another. Our share house is not ideal either which has been effecting me, we live with an older man that won’t move out and he is inconsiderate and mean, mysgonist to every female that has lived here and passive aggressive. I see my psychologist in 3 weeks but I feel like not much has changed just the fact I communicated what I wanted. We would both like to move, but my support network is in Melbourne (only one good friend down there) but I can’t leave him here with the housemate we live with as he gets bullied by him. I feel attached still and do not really know where to go from here. I feel lost in my life still and unsure what to do with myself on a day to day basis being unemployed and spending too much time around the home will not be good for me while we live together I think. The housing situation in Queensland is so bad still and I do feel really stuck and trapped. I do hope 2024 proves to be easier for everyone and we can make some lgbt family friends and connection somehow

Johnny7790 Alot of hate against me
  • replies: 1

Hi my name is Johnny I have been going through some hard time I have had some mental health breakdown I haven't been myself lately I need some help

Hi my name is Johnny I have been going through some hard time I have had some mental health breakdown I haven't been myself lately I need some help

Billy1890 How's everyone doing tonight?
  • replies: 1

It's a really hard time of year. How is everyone doing? I'm not having the best night tonight.But I'm safe.I'm just wondering how everyone else is coping rn. Wish you all love and happiness, even if it is a challenge rn, it's just one day, it doesn't... View more

It's a really hard time of year. How is everyone doing? I'm not having the best night tonight.But I'm safe.I'm just wondering how everyone else is coping rn. Wish you all love and happiness, even if it is a challenge rn, it's just one day, it doesn't define your year. Love you all.