Sexuality and gender identity

Peer support and conversations about anxiety, depression and other issues in the mental health space affecting LGBTQI+ people.

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MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 219

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

Chris_B IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section
  • replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe spa... View more

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

All discussions

4eyesgirl What should I do with homophobic parents
  • replies: 1

Hi I'm 4eyesgirl and I'm newlate last year my friends help me find my sexually and I'm Bi but I have Christian parents and If you know that there. Not supportive what should I do they don't know at the moment and the moment they find out I'm doomed. ... View more

Hi I'm 4eyesgirl and I'm newlate last year my friends help me find my sexually and I'm Bi but I have Christian parents and If you know that there. Not supportive what should I do they don't know at the moment and the moment they find out I'm doomed. What should I do?Thanks 4eyesgirl

Vlora123 My homaphobic mother
  • replies: 2

I am going through a tough time. I just got a girlfriend, and my mum knows about our relationship. My mum isn't happy about it she's saying that I should just be friends with her. My mum was saying she should tell my Psychologist about it. She can't ... View more

I am going through a tough time. I just got a girlfriend, and my mum knows about our relationship. My mum isn't happy about it she's saying that I should just be friends with her. My mum was saying she should tell my Psychologist about it. She can't even stop trying to talk me out of it. I just want her to accept that I'm bisexual. I'm not sure about what my dad thinks of it.

Gruffudd Gender neutral toilets.
  • replies: 13

This week I made a change to the work toilets. Each consists of a toilet in a room with a door and the basin is in the hall and shared. On the door there were the old male and female figures. With the help of a trusty screwdriver they came off and we... View more

This week I made a change to the work toilets. Each consists of a toilet in a room with a door and the basin is in the hall and shared. On the door there were the old male and female figures. With the help of a trusty screwdriver they came off and were replaced with both male and female figures together with the word unisex below. (best I could get from the sign shop at short notice) I didn't announce the change because I wanted to observe the reaction. I've been people watching since. Most have not changed their behaviour and are using the room they always did. Some have been using whichever takes their fancy. And the other non-binary staff member in the office had an outburst of happy laughter and made use of the one that they had never before been allowed in. No one has said anything yet. I'm hoping to make this a permanent change and am prepared to argue. I have never felt safe in the Male facilities but don't look female so cause consternation going in there. At last somewhere for me where I can pee without anxiety. How are others going with this? any opinions?

TheWayfarer Breaking cycles and no luck
  • replies: 1

Long story short, about two weeks ago, a close friend of mine found out that I had romantic feelings for him. For a few days I knew something was odd as he wasn't responding to my messages and he was acting really cold towards me. Only for me, while ... View more

Long story short, about two weeks ago, a close friend of mine found out that I had romantic feelings for him. For a few days I knew something was odd as he wasn't responding to my messages and he was acting really cold towards me. Only for me, while I was having an anxiety attack, receive a message from him saying he wanted to keep his distance and that we could not be friends anymore. I was and still am, devastated and heartbroken. We had gotten quite close even though it had only been a year and a bit. We spent four days together, spent Christmas, New years and went on a great road trip. In fact we for about a month we were practically living with each other. I didn't originally set out to fall for him. But the more time we spent and he shared so much of himself, I couldn't help but love all the aspects about him. The good and the bad. We have lots of mutual friends so it feels really awkward going into social settings. He seems to cope a lot better than me although what upsets me more is how cold and angry he behaves around me. He talks to everyone else just fine but then when it's me - just nothing or a sense of being irate. I've mentioned a few years ago in this forum - that a similar situation happened with another guy. Ironically they have both become close friends and I can't help but feel so alone and isolated and not accepted. He too has now isolated me and become so angry at me when I ask for support. I haven't cried so much in my life - and it feels like I'm grieving even though it's so pathetic since I wasn't even in a relationship with these men. Some days I feel so empowered, I'd be shouting mantras and playing scenes in my imagination like "when will there be a time where I can stop apologising for being myself?" and feel I can take on the world. But most days I'm incredibly lonely, have dark thoughts and feel so unloved and unsupported. And I feel like such a burden. I still love him and the others despite hurting so much. I can barely focus at work (which then makes it hard because I need to work to survive), and I miss him so much. My anxiety triggers because it takes me back to when I was a kid I've had traumatic experiences just saying how I felt to guys. I don't look (or sound like it), but I'm a hopeless romantic so I hope things get better

Alittlebitlost Where to meet young gay guys?
  • replies: 8

TL;DR. Where are straight-acting gay guys 18-29 in Melbourne? I am 22, gay and from Melbourne. I went to a moderately-conservative all boys school and I don’t know any gay people. I also don’t have any good friends anymore, just acquaintances. I mean... View more

TL;DR. Where are straight-acting gay guys 18-29 in Melbourne? I am 22, gay and from Melbourne. I went to a moderately-conservative all boys school and I don’t know any gay people. I also don’t have any good friends anymore, just acquaintances. I mean, there’s people who like me and ask me to hang out, but I don’t feel like I belong. I’m trying to find new friends but that’s besides the point. The main point is: I want to meet some gay people my age to be mates and maybe more. Tinder = failed. Honestly, I don’t find most guys attractive because I have a pretty defined type. And on top of that, I’m pretty masculine and looking for the same. I could be friends with fem guys, but unlikely for a relationship. And the very rare time I match with a guy who is my type, the conversation fizzles out because I suck at small talk. Grindr = oh my. I got hundreds of messages but half were creepy 50/60 year olds. The other half just wanted to have casual sex with anything right that second. I went to a gay bar a few times with some girls friends, but it was just lots of old ugly men who wanted me as a sex toy. I have no friends, no romantic prospects and I feel kind of lonely. Im not one to dwell or resign to a situation. I am determined to do something about it. This isn’t working, and something I’m doing is the reason it’s not working. But I don’t know where to start or to look next... Where do you meet young, straight-acting gay guys around my age? Do they even exist? Thanks. I know everyone’s dealing with their own stuff so cheers for taking the time to help me.

Emce Heart broken
  • replies: 3

Hi, I’m a 41 year old married lesbian with 2 kids. My wife and I have been together for 16 years. A couple of months ago my wife came to me and told me she was bi. I went through a lot of emotions and asked her a lot of questions, like are you going ... View more

Hi, I’m a 41 year old married lesbian with 2 kids. My wife and I have been together for 16 years. A couple of months ago my wife came to me and told me she was bi. I went through a lot of emotions and asked her a lot of questions, like are you going to want to explore? Is there someone you’re attracted to? At this stage I was suspicious about her male boss. She told me it wasn’t about anyone, and she didn’t want to explore and that nothing has to change. I was worried she was going to decide she wanted a man more than me. Not long after she told me this, she told her boss, which I thought could only mean one thing. I think her boss thought that was his chance, and started to charm her and flirt with her, ( he cheated on his own wife with his current girlfriend). Unfortunately she gave into him and started flirting with him back. Anyway to make a long story short, her end of year work Xmas party came up, and I told her I would drive her so she could drink. She said she’d think about it ( I didn’t know it was an over night camp). I didn’t think she wanted go so I forgot all about it. 3 days before the event she tells me she wants to go alone to her Xmas party and tells me it’s over night. I was weary about it, I had a bad feeling. And started to question her relationship with her boss. She lied to me so much.So she cheated on me, she had a threesome with him and his girlfriend, she tells me she didn’t sleep with him, only her, but it was to impress him. I am still absolutely devastated, I’m not sure I’m going to be able to trust her again. And now she has asked to be in an open marriage. I’m stuck as to what to do. My mind is all over the place, she is the love of my life and I don’t want to lose her, but she’s hurt me so bad, how can I trust her to be honest with me?

R-r Struggling and feeling lonely as i am unable to meet gay people in sydney
  • replies: 2

I moved to Sydney in May and I have never found it so hard to meet other gay people. I am 45 years old and this is the loneliest i have ever felt to the point i think i am starting to get depressed I have tried groups with no response back. Have gone... View more

I moved to Sydney in May and I have never found it so hard to meet other gay people. I am 45 years old and this is the loneliest i have ever felt to the point i think i am starting to get depressed I have tried groups with no response back. Have gone out and all what people seen to want is NSA. Why is it so hard? I am i doing something wrong? I really dont know what else to do.

Jafar the Barmecide Wanting to be the Dad his gay son needs.
  • replies: 15

G’day I have drafted this post so many times I can’t remember, please forgive me if I inadvertently say the wrong thing. I admit I need educating. I want to ask permission from the members who post here to ask questions about LGBT+ perspectives. I ha... View more

G’day I have drafted this post so many times I can’t remember, please forgive me if I inadvertently say the wrong thing. I admit I need educating. I want to ask permission from the members who post here to ask questions about LGBT+ perspectives. I have a 17-year-old son who is gay. He has come out to his mother, and he asked her not to tell me because he is afraid that I will reject him or even physically hurt him. This makes me feel enormously guilty and tremendously sad. But he has good reasons. The 21st century is like another world from the time I grew up in, and it has been slow progress I admit, but beliefs can be changed. I am changing my attitude about gay people as part of challenging the societal conditioning I have learned and lived all my life. I love my son unconditionally; I want him to know that. I worry about him so much and I want to protect him. I have had no experience of LGBT+ life, I don’t know anybody who is gay that I can ask, I don’t have any friends to confide in who would understand. I don’t want to lose him, and I want to be part of his life and understand him as he is, not who he is when he is trying to hide his real self from me. The boy is afraid of me and it is my fault. I am to blame. I want to make it right. I am afraid that he won’t ever come out to me unless I tell him that I know. If I do that then I could damage the sacred trust he has in his mother who has, with all good intentions, nevertheless breached that trust by telling me. I don’t want to do that. What is the best way to handle this? How did you come out to your dad? If it went badly then how do wish it would have happened? Should I just ask him, ‘Are you gay?’ and pretend it just crossed my mind for some reason? I have so many questions so I am here to respectfully ask for your help. I am in new territory, and I don’t want to lose him I want to support him and be an ally. Thanks for any advice, corrections or knowledge you might offer

white knight LGBTIQ+ Not conventional? you are still a jigsaw piece.
  • replies: 11

We have around 8 billion people on the planet now. Imagine if we were all one piece of a jigsaw puzzle? And lets say that if you were uncertain of your gender, gay, lesbian....anything other than heterosexually inclined...those pieces were painted wh... View more

We have around 8 billion people on the planet now. Imagine if we were all one piece of a jigsaw puzzle? And lets say that if you were uncertain of your gender, gay, lesbian....anything other than heterosexually inclined...those pieces were painted white and that puzzle was complete, 8 billion pieces. Well IMO the puzzle would look very peppered with splashes of white everywhere. We humans are different from each other (lets not include twins/triples etc). We are unique and I'd argue we are all individually wonderful. But in my mind it never was that way. At age 16-35 I grew up in the 1970's and 1980's. Working in the defence forces my homophobia was along the then traditional lines. I was no different to the next guy. We banded together like wolves after prey. I was disgusting, when I recall my level of hatred. And now in recent times I read my Facebook friends, wolves of a sort, and their prey are muslims. How naïve, muslims, all of them are suffering the wrath of the simpletons, attacking all because they don't have the intelligence to realise and accept that 95% or more muslims are incredibly wonderful representatives in our society. Like non muslims and the gender ostracised, they have their own jigsaw piece no larger now colourful than anyone elses. So I feel for those people in between, off white is their jigsaw piece, wondering if they are gay or not, transsexual or not, worthy or not of anything at all. For those people are in limbo wondering, hoping for answer on forums like this one. They are alone. Other people might well have similar issues but none are at the same point at the same transition period on the same gender road of internal conflict. So pick up your game!! You are worthy of anything other people are worthy of. Stand your ground. If ever there was a strain of people that are the infidels it is those that have not transgressed from that homophobic way to open their hearts to accept you and help you along your journey. Your journey...is yours to own. It is unique just like you. It is colourful just like your heart and it is worthy of a good happy life no matter your decisions at the crossroads. And guess what. That jigsaw...you can only see it from outer space its so large. You gaze down to see a huge heart of various shades of colour including white a massive puzzle now making sense. Your piece is missing as you are not there this day. And the jigsaw is not complete without it. Your piece is valuable. Tony WK

yorkiemum Parent needing support
  • replies: 7

Help I need to find people to talk to so I can support my child! They are seeking professional help but I need help to support them. My child is 14 years old and exploring their identity and gender they want to are. They have aniexity, depression som... View more

Help I need to find people to talk to so I can support my child! They are seeking professional help but I need help to support them. My child is 14 years old and exploring their identity and gender they want to are. They have aniexity, depression some self harm and teenage hormones! I need help as I feel like I'm failing as a parent and don't know who to turn to.