Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Announcement Icon
You can win one of three $200 gift cards. Complete our survey by 5pm, 30 June 2024 AEST to enter the draw. Your response will be anonymous so you can't be identified.

Gay , married and scared

Community Member


I have been marred for 40 year and love my wife dearly , we have a non sexual marriage now .

I have know for the last 20years I am gay and can't think of any thing else but wanting to be with a guy. I feel so femine  some days I am sure i am a woman in a mans body.

Not  sure what to do.


3 Replies 3

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi, welcome


It's sad you have reached this point. I cant help you in some key ways but we can talk.


I do think that after so long hiding your preference when and if you decide to reveal your inner thoughts to your wife (and possibly others) it will be a flooding relief. So many people hold back on such revelations only to suffer in silence and now you are no doubt and expert there.


Have you considered counselling? A chat to your GP? or a GP in another town? Has your wife or family/friends had suspicions of your sexual preferences? 


45 years ago I was a young prison officer in a large male jail. I got to know many inmates born male that had ongoing hormone therapy etc. Those inmates were incredibly kind and wonderful human beings and so I know you are also. There is nothing more comforting for a man to seek their true identity and inner self. That inside part of you that feels female is a person, a human being that is her true self who ever she is, only you know and she wants to burst out like a flower in the sun. What I do certainly know is you have a journey ahead, whether that is a personal road with only you walking along it or a public one is for you to decide. What ever choice from one person to another, I'd like to see you happy and relaxed. You fears would include hurting those that love you for the man you have been and no doubt your wife would be distraught. That's why counselling would be a wise choice to find the best options in a big bag of possible actions.


I hope you feel free to repost I'm here daily and other to.



Thankyou Tony . I went to my Gp and he took some blood which revealed my T levels being very low. He asked if I wanted hormone injections to make my femine side to go away and make my Breast decrease , I don’t know if I want this feeling to go away. Or increase. I get along really well with my wife and on a Fem day I do a lot around the house including her washing it makes me feel happy in this space. She comes home and see what I have done and says nice work whats the go. I answer I’m having a femine day. She smiles and say you can have a lot more of them. 
I think deep down she knows I am different .I am about to talk to a professional to try and sort my head out. 
In a perfect world I would be a woman and free. Thankyou.



The professional appointment is a good move. We will always be available here for any correspondence you wish to have and between appointment, lonely night when you are confused its good for some to type here anonymously and get things off their chest.


I hope it goes well