Hi, welcome
It's sad you have reached this point. I cant help you in some key ways but we can talk.
I do think that after so long hiding your preference when and if you decide to reveal your inner thoughts to your wife (and possibly others) it will be a flooding relief. So many people hold back on such revelations only to suffer in silence and now you are no doubt and expert there.
Have you considered counselling? A chat to your GP? or a GP in another town? Has your wife or family/friends had suspicions of your sexual preferences?
45 years ago I was a young prison officer in a large male jail. I got to know many inmates born male that had ongoing hormone therapy etc. Those inmates were incredibly kind and wonderful human beings and so I know you are also. There is nothing more comforting for a man to seek their true identity and inner self. That inside part of you that feels female is a person, a human being that is her true self who ever she is, only you know and she wants to burst out like a flower in the sun. What I do certainly know is you have a journey ahead, whether that is a personal road with only you walking along it or a public one is for you to decide. What ever choice from one person to another, I'd like to see you happy and relaxed. You fears would include hurting those that love you for the man you have been and no doubt your wife would be distraught. That's why counselling would be a wise choice to find the best options in a big bag of possible actions.
I hope you feel free to repost I'm here daily and other to.
TonyWK
