Sexuality and gender identity

Peer support and conversations about anxiety, depression and other issues in the mental health space affecting LGBTQI+ people.

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MsPurple LGBT+ members - got a question - need somewhere to start - here is the place
  • replies: 212

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations H... View more

Welcome LGBT+ members and ally to the community. A few LGBT+ forum users have questions and concerns they can't a find a place to ask it here on the beyond blue forums so I thought starting a place for questions and more serious/heavy conversations Here you can ask questions about anything from questioning your sexuality/gender identity, coming out concerns, dating, mental health etc. If you are an ally (an Ally is a person who considers themselves a friend to the LGBTQ+ community) you are also welcome to come here to be a support to our community and ask questions as well. This is a supportive place for people to discuss their questions and concerns, we are not a place of judgement. As Thumper from the movie Bambi said "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all." If you are looking for a more social and light hearted conversation might I suggest joining us on the thread under BB social/rainbow cafe. Copy and paste the link: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/let's-chat-about-anything Feel free to introduce yourself below and ask any question/s I thought I'd answer one common question in the intro post and this is one I have heard a lot. What do the letters mean? When referring to the community it is shortened to LGBT+ as there are more letters than just the 4. I have put some of the common ones here: Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Transsexual Two-spirited Queer Questioning Intersex Asexual Ally Pansexual Agender Gender Queer Welcome everyone and hope to see you around on this thread and around the BB forums MP

Chris_B IMPORTANT: Information and guidelines for posting in this section
  • replies: 0

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe spa... View more

The Sexuality & Gender Identity space is a sub-forum within the wider beyondblue forum community. 1. Its purpose is to provide people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, transgender, intersex, queer or questioning (LGBTIQ) a safe space to talk about how issues relating to gender identity and sexual orientation impact on mental health and wellbeing. 2. This includes discussion of and support around chronic illnesses such as HIV which disproportionately affect gay, bisexual and other men who have sex with men. 3. As this is a safe and affirming space for LGBTIQ individuals, please note this is not an appropriate space for debating the "rights and wrongs" of homosexuality, bisexuality, or gender fluidity itself. This includes use of terms such as "lifestyle" and "choice". 4. This sub-forum is and always will be a safe and supportive place for LGBTIQ people concerned with what we all need to do to stay well. That said, others are welcome provided they respect that this is primarily a LGBTIQ space. 5. If you do not identify as LGBTIQ, or are not currently supporting someone in your life who is LGBTIQ, and are curious about aspects of sexuality or gender identity, please read through beyondblue’s resources for and about LGBTIQ people here to educate yourself rather than posting in this section.

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Guest_2503 Torn between loving someone or walking away
  • replies: 6

Hi there, I'm a seventeen year old girl and I've recently realised that I've fallen in love with my toxic ex best friend? Things are so complicated right now. We used to be extremely close but after a few years of her bullying me, a few years of her ... View more

Hi there, I'm a seventeen year old girl and I've recently realised that I've fallen in love with my toxic ex best friend? Things are so complicated right now. We used to be extremely close but after a few years of her bullying me, a few years of her gaslighting me and blaming me for everything (with good moments in between), a few misunderstandings, a phone call where she tells me how I mean nothing to her, and a term's worth of ignoring each other, things have just fallen apart. I know that she isn't exactly good for my mental health but I often find myself missing her company and wishing that things could go back to the way they used to be. I guess I liked who I was when I was with her, I could listen to her talk all day, I felt seen and understood when I was with her, I really loved her and I just wanted to be there for her. I was the one who ended our friendship (because at some point I couldn't deal with the way she treated me anymore) but I still feel very guilty over it as she deals with various mental health problems (trich, anxiety, OCD and likely borderline) and for a while I was her only friend and the only one she could open up with about these things. I'm so torn between fixing things with her or staying away. As of right now we are civil and slowly becoming friends, the problem with that is I tend to get extremely attached to people and can get hurt by their words and actions extremely easily (she is quite a mean and insecure person who attacks the flaws of those around her to make herself feel better) and I'm scared of what will happen to my mental state if we become close again. Most of my friends tell me to just get over my feelings and move on (they don't know that I'm in love with her, they just think that we were really good friends) which isn't helping me much. I'm torn between trying to be there for someone who probably needs it and protecting myself from the possible hurt which could come from loving this person. She's the first girl I've fallen in love with and it's just been really hard and I've never felt more alone before. Most of my friends are homophobic, as are my family who would disown me if they found out. Part of me is also dealing with internalised shame about being LGBT+ as I am religious. I'm just really struggling and I would appreciate any advice. Should I try to help and love someone who's broken my heart and trust before or should I let things go and try my best to get over it as everyone tells me to?

Shwayno Harassment at work. Am I in the wrong?
  • replies: 4

Hi people, I have recently started a new job and have been working there about 3 months. I openly came out to all the team and they were all awesome. I told them I am pretty easy going and not offended to easily like some might be. However over the l... View more

Hi people, I have recently started a new job and have been working there about 3 months. I openly came out to all the team and they were all awesome. I told them I am pretty easy going and not offended to easily like some might be. However over the last month or so my manager has increased rude and indirect and inappropriate sexual comments in front of colleges and sometimes customers. I believe this might be his way of taking out his anger from other colleges as like a form of bullying as I am pretty placid. Every day there is atleast some remark made. It has got to the stage now where I drive home feeling hurt and uncomfortable. Is it my fault for being open about things and joking occasionally or should I take it further.

D_ando Sexuality
  • replies: 3

Hi, I am 27 years old and have only ever felt feelings for women. However I have regularly watched transgender and sometimes gay porn since a young age. I have also engaged in sexual activity with a transwoman when I was 21 which I enjoyed. I have ne... View more

Hi, I am 27 years old and have only ever felt feelings for women. However I have regularly watched transgender and sometimes gay porn since a young age. I have also engaged in sexual activity with a transwoman when I was 21 which I enjoyed. I have never felt anything for a guy but am seriously questioning my sexuality now I have started seeing a woman who I genuinely love. So confused...

CJ97 I came out as trans some time ago, I've been wanting to transition but it's very hard to talk about it with my mum and I'm not sure how to continue
  • replies: 2

Hi, sorry if I've doing this wrong, I'm new here. I came out to my mum as trans six years ago, her response was somewhat negative, she didn't try to kick me out of the house but she was in denial about it for the rest of the year, if I ever mentioned... View more

Hi, sorry if I've doing this wrong, I'm new here. I came out to my mum as trans six years ago, her response was somewhat negative, she didn't try to kick me out of the house but she was in denial about it for the rest of the year, if I ever mentioned it she would just leave the room, we had a good relationship before and after that it felt strained and I felt guilty. Over time she reluctantly agreed to help me make an appointment with a gender therapist, there was a very long waiting list though and I only managed to start seeing them in 2018, I was given a prescription for HRT after several sessions, but I didn't feel like it was the best time to transition, because I still felt guilty, I still wanted things to be better with my mum, I was nervous about the potential side effects, confused about how to use a repeat prescription (my first time being prescribed lifelong medication) and I was nervous about transitioning at my university, I bought the medication and I had it sitting in my bedside drawer but it's expired now. So I planned to wait until the end of 2019 when I had graduated from my degree, which I regret, because the bushfires and covid-19 happened almost immediately after, also my cat became very ill and that was a very distressing ordeal, he has recovered though, I'm happy to say, and things did start to get better between my mum and I, but I still want to transition. I've never stopped wanting to transition, I don't feel differently about it after years of waiting, I still feel really bad dysphoria and I can't think about anything else, but I've been putting others before myself and holding it off for a long time, even after coming out, and it seems like there's never an appropriate time to discuss it, and now it's the new year, I really want to restart my appointments, I don't want to waste more time, but my main concerns are: 1) How do I start talking about this with my mum again? At least this time I know how she'll react, it's not as daunting as coming out the first time was but it's still hard for me to bring it up again. 2) Will my psychiatrist and endocrinologist refuse to prescribe HRT to me a second time because I didn't take it the first time? Or additionally because I didn't make another appointment with them for more than a year? 3) How does a repeat prescription work? How do I renew it once it has reached the expiry date and ran out of refills? I don't know if this is the most helpful

Miss_Jane why so curious?
  • replies: 13

im a lesbian and came out roughly 8 years go. im in a relationship with a beautiful girl, but i struggle with being so curious of other lesbian girls, even to the point of cheating.... and no one likes a cheater. it makes me depressed honestly. i jus... View more

im a lesbian and came out roughly 8 years go. im in a relationship with a beautiful girl, but i struggle with being so curious of other lesbian girls, even to the point of cheating.... and no one likes a cheater. it makes me depressed honestly. i just cant seem or maybe want to settle? why do i think of others? why am i so interested and want to follow it? when i follow through with my curiosity... obviously it ends badly as my girlfrind and i fight. im left feeling like im a untrustworthy person, not good enough, a failure, breaking my girls heart into a million of pieces.. etc. this is something i struggle with and its been a while now. just feeling down and out

papasmurf69 confused about my sexuality again
  • replies: 1

I'm a 15 year old female and I came out as bisexual to some of my friends in October. since I figured out I was bi I've been very happy with myself and really wanted to come out to the rest of my friends but I just haven't had the right time come up.... View more

I'm a 15 year old female and I came out as bisexual to some of my friends in October. since I figured out I was bi I've been very happy with myself and really wanted to come out to the rest of my friends but I just haven't had the right time come up. however, I'm getting a little confused again haha. I just wanted to see if any one could tell me what its called if I'm attracted to women in all aspects, and I'm attracted to men but I wouldn't want to engage physically with them. I don't know of anyone whos experienced the same thing so hopefully someone here could help me out

Iceboy I’m so scared to tell my girl friend of 14 years I’m gay
  • replies: 3

Where to start I feel scared I feel bad guilty. For the last year I been hiding a lie me and the mother of my kids have been fighting over every thing so I started to better my self by losing weight I was a big man I got to 160 kg and now I’m 97 kg t... View more

Where to start I feel scared I feel bad guilty. For the last year I been hiding a lie me and the mother of my kids have been fighting over every thing so I started to better my self by losing weight I was a big man I got to 160 kg and now I’m 97 kg the thing is I was doing it for her and kid and ended up doing it for my self y that was happening I all ways new something off I was attached to man but now I no that I’m gay I’m really scared to tell her I don’t want to lose my kids as they r my world she is the best mother and loving person and my bests friend I feel guilty every day and and getting sick to my stomach but I can’t help the way I feel I really don’t no what to say I have come out to my family and they did not care told me they love me and everything but I had the balls to say to them just don’t have them to say to the most important person I’m not shamed of being gay I’m just a person that don’t like to hurt people I’m a loving guy and I no this will hurt her so I really don’t no what to say I no it going to be hard I been waiting for after Christmas and her birthday but it’s really getting to me and I don’t think I can hold out that long I been sleeping on the couch and talking very little but I feel like I’m hurting her even more thanks

CC_Worried_Mum Trying to help trans son
  • replies: 6

Hi, my 14 year old trans son is self harming and has also developed an eating disorder. I hope to get a referral from CAMHS soon. We are trying to give him all the support he needs but it doesn't seem to help. He doesn't want to talk about transition... View more

Hi, my 14 year old trans son is self harming and has also developed an eating disorder. I hope to get a referral from CAMHS soon. We are trying to give him all the support he needs but it doesn't seem to help. He doesn't want to talk about transitioning and I know he's still very young. What can we say to help?

Hootsweet Queer and STRESSED about love
  • replies: 3

I have struggled with my sexuality for a long time. A few close trusted people know that I identify as queer, I am not “publicly” out (I’m not necessarily hiding it I just haven’t told many people?) I’m also in a Christian community and would activel... View more

I have struggled with my sexuality for a long time. A few close trusted people know that I identify as queer, I am not “publicly” out (I’m not necessarily hiding it I just haven’t told many people?) I’m also in a Christian community and would actively consider myself a “god botherer” (so yeah there’s some baggage there ) I have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years, we grew up together and were good friends for about 5 years before we got together. I love him, I definitely don’t doubt that. He is truly one of the most caring, wonderful people I know. He’s supportive and just everything you can ask for in a long term partner really. I came out to him before we got together, he’s absolutely cool with it and supportive- but I don’t know that he understands it or how hard it can be for me to be in a “straight” presenting relationship when that’s not who I am. we are really serious, he would propose tomorrow and be with me for the long haul if I was ready for it. But lately I’ve been feeling really pulled towards exploring what it means to be queer, and I don’t think I can do that within the relationship. If I’m honest I have always seen myself with a wOman long term. But I love him?? It’s so confusing. The last thing in this world I would want is to hurt him. Why would I break up with someone I love, who is a fantastic partner and who loves me unconditionally for the possibility of a relationship with someone else... who might not even exist! I just want him to be loved in the way he deserves to be. And have someone pour as much out to him as he does, but I question if I am that someone. We have spoken about it a couple of times, he says that I am more than enough for him and he loves the way that I love him. it’s causing me so much anxiety, I think about it all the time. How much it would hurt us both to not be together anymore, whether it’s fair for me to stay if I’m feeling this way. How do I unpack this with him without scaring him? I don’t know what to do I’m feeling so lost.

katelia_89 came out as gay and am dating a girl but i feel so anxious
  • replies: 1

{for context a lot has changed in my life recently: i came out as gay to my parents, they didnt react the best but not the worst either. things at home got stressful everyday, so i moved out. now im struggling with that whole living independently sit... View more

{for context a lot has changed in my life recently: i came out as gay to my parents, they didnt react the best but not the worst either. things at home got stressful everyday, so i moved out. now im struggling with that whole living independently situation so i might move back in} Back in about July i got Tinder as i became more confident with the possibility that i like girls. So i wanted to start dating to see what it would be like. The dates were fun, but it seems that i kept putting myself in a friendzone because i feel this massive anxiety in my stomach whenever i sense something intimate-y is about to occur. This caused so much frustration because i know i get turned on by girls but when im actually with one, it really scares me. Currently ive been dating a girl for about a month and a half - i have loved getting to know her and i am happy to keep seeing her, but i still get crazy anxious about things getting intimate, every morning i wake up with anxiety because i have no idea what im doing, and i feel this terrible sense of guilt. I don’t know if this makes sense, so ask questions if you need, but if theres anyone out there who kinda gets this or has dealt with this in the past, i would love to hear some tips.