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Hi I'm 15 yo girl and really struggling with my sexuality. For the last year I've noticed being attracted to girls, and in early primary school I had a crush on a girl, but before now only liked boys and am still awkward around them. I'm really into LGBT books and films as well. I can't imagine being with a guy but not sure if I'm a lesbian? I'm really anxious/confused about whether I'm just 'experimenting' or actually like woman and don't know what to tell my parents and friends. Is there a subtle way to come out? Help!

3 Replies 3

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hey Riggybee, 

I'm really sorry to hear that you're struggling, it sounds like things have been pretty difficult recently.

Please know that you're not alone in what you are experiencing - a lot of folks feel confused about their sexuality and take a while to work out who they're attracted to and what they like. I understand it can feel really difficult, especially when others put pressure on you to label yourself or 'come out', but you should never feel pressured to disclose anything. You don't need to tell your parents or friends anything if you are not ready. Your sexuality is personal to you, and it is also okay to say that you're not sure yet about who you're attracted to. Is there anyone close to you that you trust that you feel able to talk things through with?

If you feel up to it, I would really encourage you to have a look at QLife (https://qlife.org.au/) - they're a LQBTQI+ support service with a free and anonymous phoneline, an online chat service, as well as some great online resources. It can really help to talk to someone and share what's been happening, even if that is anonymously if that feels more comfortable for you right now.  

Take care and please don't hesitate to chat more if/when you feel up to it.

Thank you so much for reading my message sunnyl20. I'll have a look at that service. Thanks for helping me.

Community Member

hey riggybee, bit late, but i wanted to share my experiences and some advice. Im also a 15 yr old girl, and i currently identify as lesbian. im not sure if the advice i give you will be helpful but just remember its ok to take your time with your sexuality.


for me, i've had many 'crushes' on men, that i've recently realised were me experiencing something known as 'comphet'. i felt the need to 'be normal' and to conform to society's expectations of me, and therefore forced crushes on men i found conventionally attractive. when i began liking women, it just felt different. more real if that makes sense. then i did research and came to the realisation that im lesbian. but people have their own experiences so idk if this would apply to you. 


also, it's important to remember that attraction vs finding someone attractive are different to one another. for me, there are men i think are good looking/attractive in my eyes but i dont find myself romantically/sexually interested in them. meanwhile for women, i tend to be romantically and sexually attracted to them. 


a good resource i found online for people questioning if their lesbian or not is the 'lesbian masterdoc'. it attempts to answer questions surrounding comphet and other things. i found it helped my sort of 'solidify' how i identified in my mind. 


anyways, if you read this, let me know if it was helpful or not.


thanks, laney.