How to support a bi-sexual son

Guest_89997949

Hi there,

My son came out to me as bisexual last week in the car. I've always suspected he was attracted to both sexes but was waiting for him to tell me himself. I was asking about crushes and defaulted to girls as lots of his friends are taking girls to his Year 12 ball. When he told me I said "oh I know that! Well you have lots of choice then" and sort of made a joke of it. Shortly after we arrived at home and I told him I loved him and thanked him for telling me. I also asked if he was going to tell his dad and he said he would but I wasn't allowed to tell him. The conversation sort of moved on quickly and I didn't want to bombard him with questions but I just asked "when did you know" to which he responded to me about 3 years before when he had a huge crush on a boy in his year. Since then I have loads more questions but don't want to bombard him. I also am dying to share this with his dad but have promised not to. Any advice on how I can support him but also have a few questions answered.

I love him and accept him whoever he is attracted to but am very protective of him also. Thankfully he has good friends and wants to start telling them but this scares me too.

Any advice much appreciated.

white knight

Hi, welcome

You might have some anxiety worrying about your sons friends and so forth but I dont think its warranted. His friends possibly knew before you did lol.

I dont know how to approach his father about the topic (by him) however at the dinner table topics like the Mardi Gras you could mention it, a gay marriage on TV etc. Let your son know if bringing a topic up is a good idea but I think you could let your son know that to keep it a secret for a long time is a little unfair on a married couple.

For what its worth- you are an incredible mother and with your love and support you'll have a very close relationship.

I have a cousin near Sydney that, out of 5 sons has one gay. He found a partner and my cousin, her husband and the couple go to the Mardi Gras annually and have a ball. So there will be opportunities for you as parents to include activities and have fun. The couple get dressed up, add makeup and dance all night long. So you and your son will have heaps of opportunities to expand you changing relationship over many different facets.

The link below is something I wrote a few years back that your son and you might benefit from

LGBTIQ+ Not conventional? you are still a jigsaw p... - Beyond Blue Forums - 146736

I hope that helps but reply again if you please.

TonyWK

Ash_music

I think that he really appreciates that you support who he is and who he wants to be. I know first hand it is hard to tell people things like this because you get worried about whether they will make fun of you for it or completely ignore the fact that they want to be different. I would try to give him as much support as possible. I wouldn't worry too much about his friends because if they are truly his friends they will support him. But if he's bi-sexual don't just assume that it will be a boy everytime he likes somebody because that can be really uncomfortable for the child. If you want to ask him some questions just sit down with him and explain that you want to ask some questions so you can better support his life and his choices. I can almost guarantee that he will understand. I think you are doing so well and I know you have got this. It can be hard. And he could get bullied. And problems could come along the way but there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. Just give him time to tell his father because it can sometimes be harder to tell a dad something like this. But keep going. You've got this. He is lucky to have you

white knight

Cant fault your reply Ash-music, such a supportive post for a parent in a difficult situation.

TonyWK

Eurovision_Fan

Hi. As an LGBTQ+ person who could really have used support, I can tell you that your son is really grateful for your love and acceptance. I would suggest helping him find ways to tell his friends that feel natural. However, they might have known before you did. I know you have questions, so space them out and try not to seem like you're interrogating him. Just let him know you love him. You're doing great!