Ashamed of my sexuality (Help!)

[Sofia]

Hello!

From a young age, I've known I was attracted to the same gender. Still, I suppressed those feelings and conformed to dating/ interacting sexually with the opposite gender and convincing myself I liked them to feel a sense of "normal" as I've always felt like an outcast and never been sure of who I am. Recently my feelings for girls have intensified and the shame feels suffocating, even though I have no idea where all that shame has come from because I have same-sex couples all around me. Not many people know about my true sexuality so I can't discuss my struggles with anyone who can provide me with proper help or support to reassure me that what I'm going through is okay. Can someone please offer me some guidance or advice on my next steps to accept myself?

- Sofia 💋

[Sophie_M]

Hello Sofia!

Thank you so much for sharing what you are feeling with us. What you are going through is something we are sure many people can relate to. It must be so vulnerable and confusing feeling like you've had to hide your sexual identity and conform to heteronormativity. 

I am here to remind you that you are 100% allowed to be attracted to women. I know that really sitting with this and believing that you are allowed to may feel scary and shameful at first, but I think over time it will become easier with the right support. 😊

You mentioned that you have many queer couples around you. What would it be like to share these feelings with them? And how have the few people that do know responded? 

It seems like this part of you that holds shame is really young, and these bigger feelings can be hard to shift when we have carried them for most of our lives. But the important thing to note is that they can shift - 'Shame dies when stories are told in safe spaces'.
So, maybe you could explore connecting with QLife? They are an organisation who specialise in supporting people like yourself and I think they would be a wonderful next step for you: QLife - Support and Referrals

Please let me know how you go! And if you have any other questions or reflections, feel free to pop by and let us know. 💙

Warm regards, 
Sophie M. 

[Monarch]

Hi there Sofia,

Thinking back on my youth, I too realised I was same sex attracted from a young age. The thought that I might be gay didn't enter my mind until I was 18. I had girlfriends as society expected of me but these relationships never really felt complete. At 23 I came out to my Aunt Molly who gave me one piece of advice which I remember to this day, "Get out there and do it!" She said. There is no shame in who we are. The only shame would be not to be true to ourselves. Of course I used to wonder why I felt the way I did. I did not want to be "different". It took me a long time to accept these feelings and accept being the person I am. More so than that, I developed a confidence in who I was. They have a word for it - PRIDE! 🏳️‍🌈 

We all have our own journey of self acceptance. I do hope yours is a good one and you get out there and find the girl of your dreams.

Monarch 💋

[Guest_17748971]

You are always okay if you are following your dreams and interest. What you do is up to you and you are free to be whoever you want to be. I don't feel like it has to be anyone's business who you want to see or be with you should just get on with exploring that and finding your way. There isn't much right or wrong unless it's against the law, which adult relationships aren't illegal anymore. Be free to be who you want to be, put the overthinking aside and know that there is no rules in what you desire for relationship as long as they are legal age. I really hope you find what you are looking for and be free as a bird to not worry about the opinions of others. Just do you that's all we can do.

[Eurovision_Fan]

Hey Sofia! I know how you feel. When I was 10 I realised I was, in fact, a lesbian. My mother found out when I was 12 after snooping through my stuff and she told my dad. She basically told me not to commit to anything because it might be a phase. My father told me to keep my options open but my identity small. To this day we don't talk about it. I'm now 15. I have a healthy relationship with my childhood best friend and we are dating (if in secret). Even if you have to hide, the good bits are worth it. Stay strong and always remember that you are amazing!