Where do I belong?

[Guest_05656585]

Hi, I’m Michi and still in high school but I would like some help on who I am. All of my friends are either straight or gay and I don’t think I belong under any of those terms, I just don’t know how to fit in. I also don’t think I’m asexual, I don’t know where I belong, it’s been like this for a year now and I just don’t know how my friends will react if I say I don’t know what gender I’m attracted to. It has been hard since most of my friends either have crushes or a lover, I don’t feel like I fit in with the society. Thank you for listening 🙏

[white knight]

Hi, welcome 

On life sometimes the obvious isn't obvious and peer pressure adds complexity to what should be natural.

So, we have 8 billion people on this planet and all are individuals, even identical twins have their own uniqueness.  So why do we have a need to "fit" into one of half a dozen categories of sexualising orientation? What is your best approach to solve this puzzle?

Maybe accepting that you fit into your own unique pigeon hole is better than trying to fit where everyone fits? To achieve that, an open free mind that's led by your inner desires as you treat the journey as an exciting venture. After all do you need to fit into what others tell you? How do they know what you are attracted to?

It's the same with other topics eg having a lover like others have. When you eventually find someone you fall in love with would they appreciate that you didn't follow all the sheep but you resisted that pressure to seek the most compatible partner? These are all questions to ask yourself and if you enjoy that journey without crumbling to peer pressure,  you'll be a happier person.

I knew a guy in school that believed he was bisexuality. I joined the Airforce but returned after 3 years when we bumped into each other. I asked him if he was still bisexuality and he told me he was straight and his belief he was bisexuality came from what another guy had claimed he was. So it's much better to relax and discover who you are over time and enjoy every moment.

I hope that helps.

TonyWK 

[Sportcustard]

It's okay to not know exactly what your sexuality is. Some people like to utilise labels for themselves, some don't, some try on a few for size before they find something that fits. 

Maybe it would help you to have a look through a list of sexualities, and just find out what they mean. It doesn't mean you have to pick one. Just that you'll have some language, so if you figure out something about yourself and want to use something to describe yourself, you can. 

Some people know their sexuality really clearly before they've had any experiences. And some people need to experiment a bit before they figure themselves out. No shame dude. If your friends have an issue with you not knowing, that's an issue with them. Not you. 

[Reminiscent_sky]

Hello, I hope you're having a better day than you could be.

your question is one of abstract nature since love (and by relation attraction) as a concept is liable to change by the hands who form it so there isn't any true way to objectively state who or what you are. You mould yourself around your experiences.

You could find a variety of answers for what you're feeling. You could live to learn that you're pansexual or panromantic and it's the person and their personality that you love and their gender doesn't matter to you. You could discover that you may only have romantic attraction to a certain gender and you just weren't sexually attracted to anyone.

You could be anything, and when you discover these things, you could change later on. Love and attraction is fluid and ever changing.

If you want some honest advice from me, these things don't require labels. I understand that having a group of people that feel the same way as you makes you feel less alone and abnormal in your mindset and less like an outcast but the fact of the matter is, if the way you feel is complicated you shouldn't feel the need to cage it within a label, if or when love/attraction comes to you, you'll know it, and maybe you'll get more answers about where you belong in the eternally complex web of connections that is society. I used to believe I was aroace before I met my first love, and when that happened to me it was like my vision of the whole world shifted

sorry if it wasn't the answer you were looking for, I do hope one day you know where you do sit on this fence.
Don't forget in the meantime that there's no shame in not knowing who you are especially at your age. People are the understanding type and you shouldn't feel the need to neatly fit into a perfectly symmetrical box, just like you don't need every question about yourself actualised yet. You're allowed and should be congratulated to stray from the definite as it's what makes you uniquely you.

-When the bitter cold air chills you to your core, allow a moment to reminisce and look to the orange sherbet skies.