Dear Coastie1978~
Welcome here to the Forum where if you look around you will found people of all sex/genders who have similar problems and may be able to talk with them and see what they did and how it turned out.
I guess in order to give you any sort of sensible comment I would like to ask what has kept you together for 20 years? Love? Affection? Sex? Circumstances? Having a partner one can rely upon? ... OK, I'm guessing.
I'd also ask, if you don't mind, what do you want? Is it the opportunity for more casual meetings/affairs or are you seeking another partner maybe with a different sexual orientation to your existing one?
Until you know what you value and how important it is to you to step outside that monogamous relationship it is going to be hard for anyone to comment.
Wanting to be your less restricted self is very understandable, it is simply what does it cost, and is it worth it? It may be.
Please do not think I"m trying to sway you either way, some of your options might be:
You could have activities outside the home and not mention them, difficult as it would probably mean lying.
You could announce the activities and leave it up to you and your partner to try to keep the partnership going, a risk.
You could dissolve the partnership, maybe a pity after so long.
You could suppress that part of your nature, maybe not viable long term? You might even get to blame your partner if you did.
Thinking of your partner's welfare might be an influence, equally his regard for yours, as can be that well known saying "the grass is greener"
So I know I'm not much help, all I'm trying to do is you getting your thoughts in order before making a decision.
If you are not familiar with them QLIFE has information and counceling that may be a help too.
If you would like ot come back and say more you'd be welcome
Croix
