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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Harlow88 How long to wait for a commitment?
  • replies: 5

Hi everyone,I'm looking for some advice please. I have been seeing a really good guy for nearly two years. We’re in our mid 30’s. He is a widower. We’ve had lots of discussions about this due to my feelings of not being able to measure up. We are not... View more

Hi everyone,I'm looking for some advice please. I have been seeing a really good guy for nearly two years. We’re in our mid 30’s. He is a widower. We’ve had lots of discussions about this due to my feelings of not being able to measure up. We are not officially “together” however we are not with other people. He really is a good guy, and my exes have all treated me terribly. He is not like that. I have always been very understanding and patient knowing we’d be taking things slow. I’m starting to wonder how long is long enough to wait to take the next steps?Do I wait longer? Or let him go?Im also starting to notice things that I didn’t before, such as sexual incompatibility and a TINY bit of selfishness. These issues are very small, but I don’t know if I’m self sabotaging. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, the more blunt and honest the better. Thank you if you’ve read all this!

RachG Marriage break down…
  • replies: 3

Hello everyone, this years been tough… my marriage of 10 years has broken down. I’m pretty heartbroken as we’d been together for 15 years and I didn’t see this coming at all. We have 2 young children. At the moment I trying to push through Christmas ... View more

Hello everyone, this years been tough… my marriage of 10 years has broken down. I’m pretty heartbroken as we’d been together for 15 years and I didn’t see this coming at all. We have 2 young children. At the moment I trying to push through Christmas as well as preparing to sell our home and tell the children too. I need some words of wisdom/advice from people who’ve been through similar situations/someone to tell me I’ll survive all of this! It’s a lot and I’m emotionally exhausted. Thank you for reading xx

Katie84 Help me
  • replies: 1

I have been with my partner for 4 years. I had 4 children from a previous relationship when we met. He was charming and lovely. Until a few months in, it all changed. He became abusive towards my children. Threatened them. Threatened me if I did Anyt... View more

I have been with my partner for 4 years. I had 4 children from a previous relationship when we met. He was charming and lovely. Until a few months in, it all changed. He became abusive towards my children. Threatened them. Threatened me if I did Anything about it. I eventually after 3 years got An avo... I had already had a child to him. He threatens to take him off me everyday if I have anything bad to say. He told me so many lies to get money from me, I have given him about 40,000 because of his apparent problems. When I realised what was going on and stopped giving him money he turned really abusive and nasty . He threatens to take our son off me. He has left with him once and I had to get a recovery order. I put up with things just to keep him happy. I just found out I was pregnant again but I lost it, he yelled and screamed at me and was very unpleasant to me. I can't do this any more. He is extremely mean and I feel I have no place to go

Grace994 Feeling a bit lost
  • replies: 1

I am having a bit of a rough time and just need some words of encouragement. Over 10 years ago my family fell apart. Mother cheated and moved to a different country, she seems pretty happy now despite not having a relationship with me since. Her fami... View more

I am having a bit of a rough time and just need some words of encouragement. Over 10 years ago my family fell apart. Mother cheated and moved to a different country, she seems pretty happy now despite not having a relationship with me since. Her family also stopped talking to us. Dad and I grew closer over the following years but then he met and married a very cruel woman who is a narcissist and turned my dad against me. She made blatant lies that my partner also confirms were never true. I became estranged from my dad and brother and lost all family contact, until last year where I tried to reconnet with Dad. Its okay-ish now, but its very toxic. He has also become a narcissist and is a major workaholic. He never has time for me, we go months without talking. Then he'll talk to me as if no time has passed. My brother's only contact is sending me irrelevant videos on instagram with no context, that he also sends to other people. He and my husband have more of a friendship and will occasionally hang out with his friend group playing games and board games. I'm not really invited and just sit at home watching tv to not feel lonely. I try not to make it that obvious to my husband cause I don't want to effect the only friendships he has. But I'm desperate to play board games with friends, its one of my favourite things to do but I haven't done it since my school years. I've been left out of the family Christmas lunches the past few years which I never expect to be invited to but it still really hurts to feel like no one cares. Dad says that his wife bought our most recent xmas presents, but I discovered they were all bought from a charity shop..my dad and his wife are quite well off and recently dropped $3k on a new couch....so it sucks to be treated so poorly. Not that I want expensive gifts, but the purposeful lack of thought hurts. I have no real friends and always feel like I have to flog a dead horse to organise a friendly catch up that never goes anywhere, but its never reciprocated. My husband is loving but has no idea how to help me and that just makes me feel worse. I feel really lonely, abandoned and let down. I can't afford therapy right now, though I know it would help. I'm just not sure what to do to feel better. I am a big family oriented person, so to not have any is really difficult for me. Really need some advice on how to feel better.

78broke Infidelity and betrayal by wife and oldest friend.
  • replies: 1

I need both a sounding boards and some advice, sorry if this rambles.so about 1/3 of the way through last year I found out my wife of 28 years was having an affair with my oldest friend of 44 years who was best man at my wedding. They tried and still... View more

I need both a sounding boards and some advice, sorry if this rambles.so about 1/3 of the way through last year I found out my wife of 28 years was having an affair with my oldest friend of 44 years who was best man at my wedding. They tried and still claim nothing happened , but I found through divorce docs/financial records and a bit of snooping that he’d booked 3hotels where she said she was supposedly seeing friends from interstate, no record of hotel charge, no cash out but all foods for 2 people paid for or reverse hotel paid and no food paid for. This tore me apart and still does if I think about it to much as I not only lost my wife, but the other person who I thought I could trust and was a friend who called me brother, also totally betrayed me.Her affair started after we had an argument where it was about 1am, I said “enough , I’m going to sleep in the study” she followed me down hallway screaming get back to bed, waking our kids up, o sat on bed in study, she grabbed me, yelling her back to bed , said “no your drunk”and pulled away. She then hit me in the left side temple/side of eye socket , I got up to move away, she then almost pushed me over, I yelled, “you don’t hit your partner,WTF are you doing” as I’m a bogish guy, when she tried to push me again, I held her arms down and just yelled at her again “to get out, you don’t ever hit me, if you want a divorce you’ve got it” she went to bed and I slept poorly in the study. Next day she came out with a packed bag and disappeared for 5 days. Over the next 14 months I tried to fix our marriage but looking back and at her bank records,Thin is when I believe it started, after that for 14 months until I found out about the affair , she was away one weekend a month and would go for”drives to relax or look at the ocean” for 3-7hrs 2-3 times a week. I believe a vast majority of these where to hook up with him.Then I look back at the 14 months before I found out, and there where so many signs , I was stupid and gullible to miss them as I trusted these two. I’ve now been seperated 9 months, most of the kids are living with me, the thing that grates is an”accidental”(prearranged) bumping into him by her when the kids are with her.i haven’t told the kids yet ,but I don’t know when, how , how much or if I should tell them at all. I see some of the things she’s doing to one of my older kids in particular and I’m so close to blurting it all out as he’s feeling pain because of the ways she’s speaking and treating him.

radish58 No touch, No intimacy, No sex
  • replies: 3

Hello,I have been married for 42 years and I love my wife, though at times I feel empty, sad.I am a social person, I talk to just about anything, I keep myself reasonably fit.The relationship with my wife has gradually become frustrating. We are for ... View more

Hello,I have been married for 42 years and I love my wife, though at times I feel empty, sad.I am a social person, I talk to just about anything, I keep myself reasonably fit.The relationship with my wife has gradually become frustrating. We are for the most good friends, while I am an outwards person, my wife is happy to watch her favourite shows on television, or a streaming channel. If that makes her happy, I don't have a problem. My wife does suffer from anxiety and at times as I have said to her, it is not so much what she says, it is her tone of voice, it can deflate me.Our marriage, we had ample sex and if the children weren't around she loved me carresing her body, especially hey bottom, just gentle rubbing.Our sex life has taken a nose dive, I mean it is non existent. Each time the mood is there, something takes it away, the mood dies completely. This morning as I walked behind her, I gently touched her bottom, she was dressed as was the case most times except, in the bedroom, her reply " would you stop doing that ". I said you used to love that, stone silence.Yes she has body issues, I am her husband, to me it makes no difference. I saw her naked the other day, her response " can i have some privacy " , I replied I am your husband, again dead silence, I walked away.We have 3 beautiful adult children and 2 of the best grandchildren. We see each other at least once a week.I feel torn, I do get upset, angry. I have retired just 5 months ago and although helping out family keeps me busy, I ask my wife where would you like to go on a holiday? Her response is family or the painful one, we can't afford it, I ran a successful business for 38 years, she was all for selling and retiring, we made money, we have money. I am questioning whether I should go to Bunnings and get something for a project as she makes m3 believe I am wasting fuel, now I don't know what to do. I do know th8s cannot continue and I will again try and raise the matters. Thanks for reading.

Earth Girl Ex friends that want revenge
  • replies: 2

Back in college, I was semi friends with C. Another girl called T who was also at college kept telling me to add her on Facebook. I thought she was nice, but I didn't want to be close friends with T because I didn't think we would get along if we bec... View more

Back in college, I was semi friends with C. Another girl called T who was also at college kept telling me to add her on Facebook. I thought she was nice, but I didn't want to be close friends with T because I didn't think we would get along if we became friends and I knew that if I added her on Facebook, that she would try to become a lot closer and be friends. I eventually caved in because of the pressure she was putting on me to add her. I talked to her a few times on there (I liked her, I just didn't want to be close with her and I thought it would probably be okay to just chat) which I didn't think made us friends. A couple years later, I became friends with A at CIT, but after a while I grew out of the friendship. I didn't want to hurt her feelings so I stayed friends with her. I realized I also grew out of the friendship with C. My sister told me to just tell her I'm busy when she invited me to parties so I did that for a few years and after a while, she one day let me know that she was okay with me not hanging out with them anymore, but she was there if I needed her. I didn't understand what she meant though by the way she explained it to me so long story short, we ended up becoming friend-friends and she kept asking me to hang out and I felt like I was very wishywashy with all of it because I didn't know what to do. I ended up deleting C and T on Facebook and trying to let A know as politely as I could that I didn't want to be friends anymore and I read on a site after this that they all want revenge on me for "pretending to be friends with them."

Loveanimals This Needs To End
  • replies: 6

My 19 year old son lives with me. I have posted before about him. I love him but he is driving me into an early grave. He does absolutely nothing other than his three hour shifts at a takeaway restaurant; of which he does maybe three per week...of wh... View more

My 19 year old son lives with me. I have posted before about him. I love him but he is driving me into an early grave. He does absolutely nothing other than his three hour shifts at a takeaway restaurant; of which he does maybe three per week...of which he has me drive him to and pick him up from. As he refused to take driving lessons with me and his licence expired. He slobs around and eats everything in the house. Makes mess and doesn't clean it up. Asks for smokes and booze and takeaway although he has spent his pay. Takes 30 minute showers. Etc etc ad nauseum. Refuses to address his university studies for which he was failing at end of 2023. Menawhile I work part time and run the show. I am a tidy and neat person. To feel all of my efforts are in vain as he has no pride over anything. I had a go at him before and he had the audacity to say that I am selfish???!!! It is like living in a toxic marriage...but I have no way out!! There is nowhere he could go! His dad has remarried and doesn't want him ( he never did hence the divorce but that is another story). He has no friends. No money. No motivation. No self respect. It is killing me. I am the total opposite to him. I have worked all of my life and had no hand outs from anyone. I got my own licence on my own dollar. I always respected my elders and god forbid if I stepped wrong. I dislike him intensely. He is not the person I tried to bring up decently, he throws everything back at me and makes me feel like rubbish. I do not understand and I am hating my so called life. I have tried everything to help him and it is all for nothing. Counselling, sports/hobbies, big discussions...writing up contracts etc etc. All goes to nothing within a day or so.He is likely depressed due to his weight but he refused to go to the gym or do anything about it. I am beyond besides myself. I actually don't have anything to look forward to other than more of this bullshit every single day. The only escape for me is booze and that will do me in I guess. I don't even really want it but when the shit hits the fan everysingleday with him....I do it because it numbs me to a degree. I just want a peaceful life. He is drama through and through. When he finishes work he raves on about how shit it is...I then remind him this is why he is studying (?!) at uni so he won't be trapped in that life....nup . Might as well go outside and bang my head on the brick wall. He will be the death of me.

Laney-BB1234 Loneliness as a High Schooler
  • replies: 5

I feel so goddamn lonely. Like I have friends, but no one rlly ever asks me to hang out with them, and now that its school holidays I feel extra lonely. I have hung out with one friend only, and I feel so, so alone. I feel like I'm worthless, and tha... View more

I feel so goddamn lonely. Like I have friends, but no one rlly ever asks me to hang out with them, and now that its school holidays I feel extra lonely. I have hung out with one friend only, and I feel so, so alone. I feel like I'm worthless, and that people hate me, even though I doubt thats true. Reading other peoples experiences with loneliness only makes me feel more sad. I cant even rlly talk to my family because there's certain parts of my identity I have to hide from them, therefore im always walking on eggshells around them. I just dont know what to do anymore. I see people my age on social media having fun with their friends and it makes me wonder why i cant be like that. Pls if anyone has some advice pls share.

Elle81 Feeling A Little Lost
  • replies: 2

Where do I start because I don't have one big issue but a couple of small ones that just seem to escalate in me. I feel my marriage is lacking love & affection (i feel more like one of his employees), we have 3 young children who rely on me for every... View more

Where do I start because I don't have one big issue but a couple of small ones that just seem to escalate in me. I feel my marriage is lacking love & affection (i feel more like one of his employees), we have 3 young children who rely on me for everything & I feel so overwhelmed to the point where i will leave to have a breather but then cant think clearly & feel so much guilt, I had to give up my very successful career and I struggle with asking my husband for money (no shared accounts) as prior I've always been very independent. My husband also frequently uses the excuse that he is the one working & making the money to get out of supporting me around the house with the kids, pets and general maintenance...it's all lumped on me. My health is declining, I'm not sleeping. I always have the attitude of just get on with it and I'm very patient with my children but I'm suffocating. I can't seem to find time for myself my hubby leaves at 5am and gets home at 8pm -9pm from the restaurant we have no other family support moving here from overseas and I also have only met a few school mums but haven't build solid relationships yet.If anyone has any ideas on how I can reorganise my life, I'm all ears.