I ask please for kindness and understanding. I am currently navigating through a separation and deep depression. My husband of 21 years has fallen into a deep depression himself and recently it was revealed that he had been msusing alcohol as a means to cope with his depression and suicidal thoughts. I had been suspicious of his substance abuse but was made to feel that ot was all in my mind until he ended up in detox in a psychiatric unit and the full gravity of what was happening all became revealed.
I have watched my husband become a version of himself that I no longer recognise.
We separated around 6 weeks ago and he has asked that I not be involved in his mental health. I am trying to respect his wishes as he tries to heal and find peace.
My mental health has plummeted through the year and I am deeply traumatised by what has happened. Around 7 months ago he was placed on a medication that induced a psychosis like state and attempted to strangle and smother me whilst repeating.. you will never bring up my alcohol use again.
I had kept the drinking secret as I was so fearful of society's judgement. Especially from the church. But after the mentioned event the trauma in the body just took over and I watched his drinking get worse.
Right now I am coming to terms with the reality that we may not reconcile in the near future. And I am trying to move forward. This has just been crushing. I am seeing a psychologist but continue to struggle with the fact that he has shut me out and doesn't want me to know where he is at.
I am dealing with the weight and guilt of what people may be saying. I want to make clear.. our marriage was by no means perfect. It has endured many challenges and I am continuing to grow. This grieving is so difficult. I have to believe other people have gone through this type of situation and I am not alone.
